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# Terrible Tudors,
gorgeous Georgians
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# Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:05,599
# Woeful wars, ferocious fights
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# Dingy castles, daring knights
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# Horrors that defy description
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00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:09,759
# Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
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# Punishments from ancient times
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00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,999
# Romans - rotten, rank and ruthless
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00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,399
# Cavemen - savage,
fierce and toothless
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# Groovy Greeks, reigning sages
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# Mean and measly Middle Ages
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# Gory stories, we do that
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# And your host, a talking rat
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# The past is no longer a mystery
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# Welcome to...
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# Horrible Histories. #
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Horrible Histories presents...
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Ahoy there! Tis I,
Captain Ratbeard, aboard my vessel,
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the Ratty
McRatface.
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Aha!
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A scurvy ratscle like me can travel
around the whole world by boat
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if he knows what he's doing.
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Sadly, I haven't got a clue.
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I'm lost already.
26
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Help!
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Has anyone got a rat nav
or a Viking?!
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They had loads of ingenious ways
of navigating the oceans -
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long before people started using
technology to do the job.
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How are you enjoying your first
ocean voyage, Tristan?
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Huva! Huva! Ha-ha.
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Yeah, better out than in.
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Especially if you've been
eating fermented shark.
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Huva!
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Are we nearly there yet?
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Oh, yeah, almost there.
How do you know?
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Look up... What is it?
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Ugh! Huva!
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My bad, should have said look up,
40
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but keep your mouth closed
in case a bird does a poop in it.
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Anyway, these birds,
42
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they never stray far from land,
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so when we see them,
44
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we know we're close.
45
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Look, there's a lot of them.
46
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Excellent!
47
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That tells us that
we're very close to land now.
48
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But how do you know
which direction to go?
49
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,479
There are certain clouds
that only appear above land,
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so we just simply head for them.
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Oh! Like that one up there?
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HE GROANS
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No, that's not a cloud.
54
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,959
That's the same group of birds
from before,
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but all bunched together
in a big poopy bunch.
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Huva!
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You don't say.
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Yeah, you don't often see that.
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00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:14,559
So I see how the clouds
and the birds work, but...
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HE SPITS
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..we've sailed
all the way from Iceland.
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How do you know
which direction to sail
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when you're a long way from land
on the open sea?
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It's all up here.
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You see, I know that if we travel
from Snaefellsnes in Iceland
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to Hvarf in Greenland,
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00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,759
the North Star will always
be the same height
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above the horizon in both places.
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00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,759
So, we sail for four days,
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00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,399
keep the North Star
in the same place,
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00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,959
and, well,
you should arrive in about...
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00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,480
Hey, we're there!
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Where did you learn all this?
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Most Vikings learn
it from their families.
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Oh, wait,
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I didn't want to go
to Hvarf in Greenland.
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I wanted to go to Starr in Norway.
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What? But you kept saying,
"Hvarf, Hvarf."
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Huva! Huva!
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Oh.
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00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,039
Huva!
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00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,719
I think I know what's happened here.
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00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,159
It's funny. I'm completely clean,
84
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,479
and yet you are covered in poo.
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BIRD SQUAWKS
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00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,399
Check it out.
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It crosses oceans,
88
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,279
it sails up rivers,
89
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,759
it's a brand-new Viking longship.
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00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:20,919
At top speed,
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00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,519
it can go over
35km per hour!
92
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:26,519
That's really fast! Really fast!
93
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,159
It can even sail through
terrible storms.
94
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,599
This beast is such a beast,
95
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,480
it even has a beast head
on the front!
96
00:03:32,481 --> 00:03:34,959
Beast heads can be anything -
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a snake,
a bull,
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00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,159
a dragon,
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00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:38,479
a hamster!
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Not a hamster.
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00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,399
That's not beasty enough
for this beast.
102
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,079
The longship is the same shape
103
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,799
at the front and the back
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so it can go in both directions,
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all you have to do is turn around
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and row the other way.
107
00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,719
In fact, I think the only problem
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00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,039
with the longship is poo -
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it absolutely stinks when it's new.
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Stinky ship alert! Ha-ha. Ha-ha!
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00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,039
It's covered in fat and sticky tar
112
00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:05,719
to make it waterproof.
113
00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,159
Ahh!
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00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,479
I think I'm stuck to the tar!
115
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,080
Ah, bums. Oy!
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It's nearly bedtime here
at YeBeebies,
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so for all you little mariners
sailing off to Sleep Island,
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we've got a special guest today
to tell us a bedtime story
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00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,599
about their real-life adventures.
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00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,039
Hello, boys and girls.
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I am Christopher Columbus
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and in 1492,
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I sailed the ocean blue,
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searching for a new trade route
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between Europe and China.
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But what I actually discovered was
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an entire new continent -
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00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,719
the Americas.
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What an adventure!
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It was full of exciting,
vibrant people
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that I could kidnap
and force to work for me.
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Sorry, what?
133
00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:59,399
And there was nothing
they could do
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00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,279
because we were
so heavily armed.
135
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:04,759
OK, how about we just stick
to the adventure bits.
136
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,159
OK.
137
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:10,039
There were lots of swashbuckling
battles as we fought for our lives.
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00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:11,599
There we go!
139
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:13,479
Exciting! Charge!
140
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,079
The battles ended
when I cut the heads off
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00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:17,399
three local people.
142
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,319
Here, let me
show you how I did it.
143
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,719
OK, seriously,
144
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,519
I think we should stop talking
about the nasty stuff that you did
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00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:27,039
to those poor people
who were already living there
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00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,159
and focus on the exploring.
147
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,399
That's fine.
148
00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,399
After we finished, there weren't
many of them left anyway.
149
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,999
Now, did you know
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00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,279
the Americas are filled with gold?
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00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:40,599
Oh, treasure! That's more like it.
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00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,119
Did you have a treasure map?
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00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,439
I didn't need one.
154
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I just said I'd kill any
local person over the age of 14
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who didn't bring me gold -
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00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:49,679
much easier.
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00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,359
OK. I think
we've had enough of
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00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,119
your adventures for one day.
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00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,959
Possibly forever.
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00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,679
You know, I think
the message of my story
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is when you are faced
with an impossible task,
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00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:04,239
what you really need to do
is believe in yourself.
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00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,119
Wow. That is a great message
for our children.
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For example, I believed it was right
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to have members of my own crew
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whipped for buying food
without my permission.
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OK. OK, get out! Get out.
168
00:06:16,281 --> 00:06:19,639
SOFTLY: We're going to get
complaints about this.
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00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,239
Oh, I had someone
complain about what I did once -
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I just cut out
their tongue.
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What are you doing here?
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Goodnight, boys and girls!
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Goodnight, children!
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Is he still here?
175
00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,439
Is he... Which way is the canteen?
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00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,959
Oh, hello there,
are you looking to set sail soon?
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00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,999
Well, then, you've come
to the right place.
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00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,599
I'm Bessie Miller,
19th century sea-based sales woman.
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00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,839
I, and many people like me, used to
sell something vital to sailors,
180
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:49,519
but can you tell me what it was?
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00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,880
Was it...
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00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,919
The answer is C - wind.
183
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,879
We would sell wind to sailors
184
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:02,759
and they thought
if they didn't buy the wind,
185
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,359
their sailboats
wouldn't be able to sail! Ha!
186
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:09,279
That's right, we claimed to have
complete control of the wind.
187
00:07:09,280 --> 00:07:10,639
SHE TOOTS
Oop!
188
00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,439
Sorry. Not that kind of wind.
189
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,519
SHE TOOTS
Oop!
190
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:17,839
Boats haven't just been used
to explore the oceans,
191
00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:20,080
they've also been used
to fight wars on them.
192
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:26,599
In 1588, King Philip II of Spain
unleashed the Spanish Armada,
193
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:28,719
when he sent hundreds
of his ships to war
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with England and Queen Elizabeth I.
195
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His fleet was defeated,
196
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,119
but more armadas were soon to come -
197
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,039
and they weren't all Spanish.
198
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,280
Ahh!
199
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:46,039
That huge amount of ships that
we sent against the English?
200
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,720
I think we made them mad.
201
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,359
Try and invade us, will you, Spain?
202
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,600
Well, now, it's payment time!
203
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,519
Sir Francis Drake.
204
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:02,759
Your Maj.
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00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,240
Unleash the English Armada.
206
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,160
You had me at "Unleash the Eng..."
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00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:16,159
Led by Francis Drake,
208
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,359
aboard his ship Revenge.
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00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:22,639
180 ships,
tens of thousands of soldiers.
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We shall destroy the Spanish fleet!
211
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,000
Attack!
212
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,799
Wait!
213
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,919
Instead of their fleet of ships,
214
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,800
let's attack
the Spanish city of Coruna.
215
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,719
I wonder if they've
conquered Spain yet.
216
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,039
Hmm.
217
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,639
OK, it might take a bit longer
than I thought.
218
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,079
Longer?
219
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,239
The winds are blowing
in the wrong direction!
220
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,399
The men are dying of starvation
and sickness!
221
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,599
What are you complaining about?
222
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,199
We've still got 5,000 men.
223
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,799
Yes, but we started out
with tens of thousands of men!
224
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:00,720
That's not ideal.
225
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,079
You know the English Armada
226
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:10,719
we sent against the Spanish
227
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,239
because of the Spanish Armada
they sent against us?
228
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,759
Well, I think
they may be planning revenge.
229
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,159
No!
230
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,640
Yes, another Spanish Armada!
231
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,519
I'm beginning to think armadas
might be overrated.
232
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,680
Yeah.
233
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,959
Aha!
234
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,679
We pirates are the terror
of the high seas,
235
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:39,799
everyone be afraid of us!
236
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,079
Mostly because
we can't steer the boats
237
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,279
and we're always bumping into them.
238
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,759
But, you know, ships don't just go
travelling on the water,
239
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:52,119
they can also go under it -
in submarines!
240
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,519
But what's it like to actually
go in a submarine?
241
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,120
And when I say go, I'm not talking
about how you travel in one.
242
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:01,999
# Loo Man, Loo Man
243
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,559
# The living toilet poo man
244
00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:04,919
# From the Middle Ages
245
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,519
# With a bucket so that you can
246
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,679
# Have a poo in a private place
247
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,679
# Sitting on my bucket
with a cape to hide your face
248
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,359
# Head, bum
And then you're done
249
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,399
# I will charge depending
if you did a two or one
250
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,360
# Loo Man! #
251
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,799
STOMACH GURGLING
252
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:25,319
Oh! Nein, nein, nein! Urgh!
253
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,399
Oh!
254
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,639
Greetings, friend.
255
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,439
Who are you and what are you doing
on my U-boat?
256
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,039
I am Loo Man, the living lavatory.
STOMACH GURGLES
257
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:37,519
And you look like a man who needs
a little U-boat kept in his room.
258
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:38,719
Yeah, I...I do.
259
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,679
Well, then, I would like to apply
for the jobbies.
260
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,999
We have a toilet.
261
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,559
I'm meeting the engineers there now.
262
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,919
Engineer? Yeah, flushing the boat's
toilet is very complex
263
00:10:48,920 --> 00:10:52,559
and only a specially trained person
can do it.
264
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,599
I'm intrigued.
265
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,199
It is ready for you, Captain.
266
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,519
Oh, thank goodness!
STOMACH GURGLES
267
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:02,599
Oh, torpedoes away!
FARTING, SPLASHING
268
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,679
Oh, there we go. Oh!
FARTING
269
00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,119
Tell me, mein freund,
270
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,039
do you call them the captain's logs?
271
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,759
Oh, this is the best!
272
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,039
Sorry, Loo Man. Oh!
273
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,999
A pleasure to meet
a fellow poo-fessional. Oh!
274
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,279
Feel better?
275
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:17,679
Oh, yes. Thank you.
276
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,159
I'd give it funf if I were you.
Yes, Captain.
277
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,679
Er, you may flush
when ready, engineer.
278
00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:24,039
Aye, aye, Captain.
279
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,399
Ergh.
280
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,439
Right. Right.
281
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,199
Hello. Goodness, yeah, my setup's
a lot simpler than yours,
282
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,599
if you want me to take you
through it.
283
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,959
Er, nein. Danke.
284
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:36,519
Please do not disturb me, I must
turn these levers and valves
285
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,959
in exactly the right order,
286
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,679
otherwise the sea water
287
00:11:40,680 --> 00:11:42,719
will flood into the vessel.
288
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:43,880
OK, yeah, of course.
289
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,279
Erm, out of interest,
290
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:50,639
how many buckets worth of bum
bratwurst does this baby store?
291
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,439
Well, actually, the sub does not
store its poop.
292
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,959
Instead, we fire turd-pedos
into the ocean
293
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,519
with compressed air.
294
00:11:58,520 --> 00:11:59,919
Love it!
295
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:01,319
ALARM BLARES
Hello!
296
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,370
What's happened?
Has it done a floater?
297
00:12:03,751 --> 00:12:05,839
Oh, no.
298
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,319
I think I did the wrong sequence.
299
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:09,919
The toilet is filling up with
sea water and the captain's logs...
300
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,959
Oh, you do call them
the captain's logs, then!
301
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,639
Captain, the toilet sewage has
leaked into the ship's batteries
302
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,879
and the sub is filling
with poisonous gas!
303
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,119
We must surface
and abandon ship!
304
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,679
Oh, dear. Abandon ship! Code brown!
305
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,799
Abandon ship, abandon ship!
306
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,440
EXPLOSION
307
00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:27,920
Could've used the bucket.
308
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,239
Am I in? Get back a bit, a bit.
309
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,239
If this doesn't go viral,
it's on you, all right?
310
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:36,799
OK, I'm going.
311
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,719
What's up, boat fans?
312
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:41,559
Want to make a top of the line
Assyrian riverboat?
313
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,280
You need three things.
314
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,839
And there's a secret
315
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:51,999
third ingredient.
316
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,119
DONKEY BRAYS
Whoa! That's right, a donkey.
317
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,959
This boat puts the ass
318
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,120
in Assyrian.
319
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,559
What you need to do is
first make a wooden frame,
320
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:05,039
you line it with inflated
animal bladders...
321
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,479
..then this boat is going
to float you
322
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:11,320
all the way downstream
to Babylon, baby.
323
00:13:11,681 --> 00:13:14,719
But it's a bit harder getting back
324
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,239
cos the water's going
the wrong way.
325
00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,799
That's where the donkey comes in.
326
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,199
So, what you need to do is dismantle
327
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,799
the boat and sell the wood.
328
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,559
Cha-ching!
329
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,719
Then you need to put the inflated
animal bladders on the donkey
330
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:28,279
and walk home,
331
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,719
letting the donkey
332
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,199
do the donkey work.
DONKEY BRAYS
333
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,479
That's right, my friends,
334
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,599
this boat is geni-ass.
335
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,800
DONKEY BRAYS
Ow, ow! I hate that donkey!
336
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,320
Yeah!
337
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,559
Ever since there have been ships
at sea, there have been pirates,
338
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:50,279
even as far back as
Ancient Roman times.
339
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,759
A young Julius
Caesar found that out long before
340
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:55,599
he became a famous Roman general,
341
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:59,639
when pirates captured him
while he was studying in Greece.
342
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:00,800
GASPS
343
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:03,959
Captain, we have captured
344
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,199
a young nobleman. He's a Roman.
345
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:07,479
Perfect.
346
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:13,279
Tremble, Roman, for you have been
captured by the Cilician Pirates.
347
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,159
Yeah, can we hurry this up?
348
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:17,999
Eh? Look, I'm Gaius Julius Caesar.
349
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,559
I've got a lot on and this is really
starting to drag.
350
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:23,799
Tremble, Ro... But we did that bit!
351
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:25,999
Can we just get to
the ransom demand?
352
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,839
Right, if your friends want to see
you alive again...
353
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,079
Yeah, blah-blah-blah.
354
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,640
Yeah, how much? You serious?
355
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,959
20 talents of silver.
356
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,559
20! Yeah.
357
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,479
How dare you?!
358
00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,199
Tie me up. Wrists.
359
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,679
I'm staying right here
until you get a fee worthy of me.
360
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,399
I mean, honestly! Ankles.
361
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,119
I... I'm worth 50 talents, at least.
362
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,399
Fine, then.
50 talents, please.
363
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:52,599
Thank you!
364
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,079
20! Genuinely hurt by that.
365
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:57,039
OK, I'll get my men
to arrange the payments.
366
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,319
Huh! Huh! Oi, men!
367
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,079
I've been captured by
Ci... Cilisi...
368
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,679
Cilician. Cilician pirates!
369
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:09,959
I need you to go around the Aegean
coastal cities and raise 50 talents.
370
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,479
And if they complain,
kindly remind them
371
00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,599
that if they were
patrolling properly,
372
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:19,039
then we wouldn't be having so much
trouble with these low lives!
373
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,599
No offence.
374
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,639
Huh! Hu-uh.
375
00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:24,079
Down.
376
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,759
Steve, you don't have to.
377
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,199
Good boy.
378
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,839
What are you doing? Ah!
379
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,559
So, what have you guys got planned
for entertainment?
380
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,679
Entertainment?
381
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,319
Well, sometimes we play ballgames
or hold athletic tournaments.
382
00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,039
We should be quiet.
I don't want to play with him.
383
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:38,519
Sounds fun, I'm in.
384
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,119
Oh, and also I'm going to need
a few of your men for an audience.
385
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,999
Audience? Yeah, I'll be writing
some poetry whilst I'm here
386
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,519
and it'd be good
to get some feedback. Feedback?
387
00:15:46,520 --> 00:15:48,480
Well, my men don't really
like poetry.
388
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,719
Great! I've been kidnapped
by a bunch of oiks
389
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,279
who don't appreciate the arts.
390
00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,799
Urgh! Fine, I'll just
get some shut-eye.
391
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:57,919
Just keep it down, yeah?
392
00:15:57,920 --> 00:15:59,319
No, I will not keep it down!
393
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,279
I've got to keep it loud.
I'm a pirate!
394
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:03,799
Shush! Oh, and by the way,
395
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,919
when I get free, I'm going to
hunt you all down
396
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,399
and have you crucified -
and not in a nice way.
397
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,719
Oh! I'd rather that
398
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,239
than listen to his poetry.
399
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,359
Oh-ho-ho-ho! The burn.
400
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,879
I can hear you, you know?
401
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,080
Sorry.
402
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:20,399
Almost home to Spain,
403
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,839
I can't wait to...
SQUEALS
404
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,239
Arrgh!
405
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,959
THEY GASP
406
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:28,199
Boarded by pirates when we were
almost home to Spain.
407
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,199
Pirates in this part
of the Mediterranean?
408
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:32,839
You know what that could mean...
409
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:34,839
They are going to
rob and torture us?
410
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,359
GASPS
You don't think it means
411
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,359
we're being boarded by...
BOTH: Sayyida al-Hurra!
412
00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,279
Ya!
413
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,839
CHEERING
414
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,519
What a queen!
415
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,879
Yes, pirate queen.
416
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,559
What are you both so happy about?
417
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:49,839
We're going to get killed.
418
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:53,760
Quake in fear, for it is I,
Queen Sayyida.
419
00:16:53,761 --> 00:16:57,359
Look, it's going to take ages
to write the whole thing,
420
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,639
can we just all agree
it says "Sayyida"?
421
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:00,959
Die, pirate queen!
422
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,199
Wah!
423
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,359
GASPS
You're amazing.
424
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,959
Seriously?
425
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:07,919
You're fawning over a pirate queen.
426
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,719
Sayyida isn't just a pirate queen.
427
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,479
She's the Queen of Morocco.
428
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,959
Oh, yeah, the Sultan of Morocco
put a ring on it.
429
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,479
Oh, would you sign my arm?
430
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,239
Oh, I'm assuming you're not planning
to chop it off or anything.
431
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,199
I'm more into gold
than terrorising people.
432
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,919
Unless you're Spanish.
THEY TREMBLE
433
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,279
The reason I do all this
is to get my revenge on the Spanish
434
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,359
for invading my home
in Grenada and exiling me.
435
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:32,559
GASPS
436
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,639
Er, what name shall I put?
437
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,319
Carlos.
438
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,519
PIRATES SNARL
439
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:38,079
That's a Spanish name, innit?
440
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,799
Oh, erm, yes. A bit.
441
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,119
It's, er, short for Charles.
442
00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:44,919
Hmm, OK.
443
00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,879
"To Charles, from Sayyida."
444
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,759
There. Oh, thank you!
445
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:53,159
Oh, for a moment there,
I thought you were about to kill me.
446
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,439
Oh...
CHUCKLES
447
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:55,479
..I am going to kill ya.
448
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:56,599
GASPS
449
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,719
But now they can use your arm
to identify you
450
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:00,199
after I've cut
your Spanish head off.
451
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,599
Well, I don't mind.
452
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,439
I've met Queen Sayyida,
so I can die happy.
453
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,959
Do you, er, know these two?
454
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,119
No, no, no!
455
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,399
Where are my manners?
456
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,279
This is Fernando and Manuel.
457
00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,879
Oh, goodie, more Spaniards.
458
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,399
Well, gracias for nothing!
459
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,119
Ah, killed by Queen Sayyida.
460
00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,159
I can't wait to tell everyone
back home.
461
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,360
Worst voyage ever!
462
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,839
John?
463
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,079
Yeah.
464
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,680
I was just, er, thinking about
our future together.
465
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,839
Oh, no, here we go again.
SIGHS
466
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,039
I think we should take
our pirate relationship
467
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,399
to the next level.
468
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,799
I want to have a matelotage.
469
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,639
Pete, now is not a good time
to talk about this.
470
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,119
Stinky Joe's listening.
471
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:46,479
Don't mind me!
FARTING, SPLASHING
472
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,519
Oh! Sorry to interrupt,
473
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:49,919
but, er... Oh!
474
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,079
What's a matelotage?
FARTING
475
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,039
Well, you know, it's when
two pirates formally pair up
476
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:56,399
and share their belongings.
477
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,279
Oh, like getting married.
FARTING, SPLASHING
478
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,999
Oh, cor, it's like
I've eaten a load of gunpowder
479
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,359
and then stuck a lit match up me...
480
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:04,839
It's nothing like getting married!
FARTS
481
00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,799
Anyway, I've drafted up
this contract for us.
482
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,319
I'm going to read it aloud
and if you agree,
483
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,319
you can just say, "I do."
484
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,239
It sounds a bit like wedding vows.
FARTING, SPLASHING
485
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,879
Oh! I don't know what I'm going to
do when the bucket's full.
486
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:17,959
Pete, stop.
487
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:22,559
Do you, John, take me, Pete,
488
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,399
to be your lawful
buccaneer partner?
489
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,759
Sounds exactly like wedding vows.
490
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:30,599
We can seal a deal by, er,
exchanging some of our treasure
491
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,039
as a sign of trust.
492
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,079
Oh, yeah.
493
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,279
A couple of rings, maybe.
494
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:35,720
Shut it, Stinky Joe!
495
00:19:35,721 --> 00:19:39,399
OK, coincidentally, yes,
I was going to suggest a ring
496
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,679
that I stole when we plundered
the Queen Mary.
497
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,599
You know, I thought right then
498
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,440
that you are the shipmate for me.
499
00:19:47,441 --> 00:19:50,119
I promised meself I wouldn't cry.
500
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:51,959
FARTING, SPLASHING
Oh!
501
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,239
But that's going to bring tears
to anyone's eyes!
502
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,079
Shush! It's not a wedding,
503
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,839
it's a matelotage.
504
00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,679
Pete, I'm flattered, I really am,
but I just can't commit...
505
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,959
And when I die, as is traditional
with all matelotages,
506
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,359
you get to keep all my stuff.
507
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,039
Pete! You're not listening.
508
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,359
I can't have a matelotage with you!
Why not?
509
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:12,640
Because I'm having a matelotage
with someone else, all right?
510
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:16,239
FARTS
511
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:19,199
Well...this is awkward.
512
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,439
FARTS
513
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,959
Pete, please, say something.
514
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,159
GROANING, SPLASHING
515
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:25,559
FARTS
516
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:29,239
Frankly, I think that says it all.
517
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,520
Pete!
518
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:33,359
Hi, guys!
519
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:34,559
She's Anne Bonny,
520
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:35,639
I'm Mary Read,
521
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,799
and together, we put the "Grrrrrr!"
522
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,399
in girl-boss pirates.
523
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,880
Thanks for joining us
for our step-by-step guide to...
524
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,559
Now, we all find our pirate crews
in different ways.
525
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,279
I disguised myself as a man...
526
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:55,479
Oh, manly!
527
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,639
..and joined a ship
headed for the West Indies.
528
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,960
When we got attacked
by pirates, I thought...
529
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,919
And I joined the same crew as Mary.
530
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:04,970
We are...
531
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,640
Now, you can't be shy of a bit of
fisty cuffs if you're a pirate.
532
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,679
Mary here likes to shoot people
for being cowards.
533
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,559
Guilty.
534
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:25,240
Now, all of this can get you into
a teensy bit of trouble. Argh!
535
00:21:28,551 --> 00:21:33,639
Admittedly, this is the one
that we're not so good at.
536
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:34,679
Oh!
537
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,439
But definitely worth
putting in the effort
538
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,439
because it could save your life.
539
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,559
Ooh!
540
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,239
When our pirate crew was captured
541
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:43,479
by the British Navy
and sentenced to death,
542
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,400
Anne and I did something called...
543
00:21:46,101 --> 00:21:49,279
So we went up to the executioner,
544
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:53,599
and in our best, sweetest,
most ladiest voices, we said...
545
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:55,319
And action!
546
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,839
"Please, mister, don't kill me,
547
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,199
"I'm just a sweet little lady
548
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,999
"with a pirate baby in her tum-tum".
549
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:08,360
"You wouldn't hurt a lovely little
baby pirate lady, would you?"
550
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:10,879
And it worked! Ah!
551
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:14,119
No executions for us,
we were in the clear.
552
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,079
Well, almost.
553
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:19,439
Right, ladies, the judge
wants to see you again.
554
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,679
Pleading the belly
only gets you off the hook
555
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,519
while you're actually pregnant.
556
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:27,439
Well, that's all we've got time for
today, girl boss pirate fans.
557
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,159
Don't forget to smash a like.
558
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:30,679
And if you see us coming,
559
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,999
run for your lives! We're pirates!
560
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,759
Arrrrr!
561
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:38,279
For much of history, only men
were encouraged to be sailors.
562
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,439
But that didn't mean women couldn't
find their way onto ships, too,
563
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,119
and not just as pirates.
564
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,839
Even though you had to be a man
to join the Royal Navy
565
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:47,039
in the 18th century,
566
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,879
one clever young woman
found a way to break the rules
567
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:51,440
and get herself onboard.
568
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,959
Well, men, after many long years
in the Royal Navy,
569
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,839
we're finally back in England.
570
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,359
I'm proud to call you my brothers.
571
00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,439
Peter.
572
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,959
Right back at you, man! Ha!
573
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,679
Michael. Brother in arms.
574
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,439
And old James.
575
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,079
Hey, brothers, men we all are.
576
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:15,279
Ha-ha!
577
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,159
Oh, do you know what?
I'm going to have to come clean.
578
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,959
Speak your mind, my man.
579
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,239
Yeah, see, I'm not a man.
580
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:22,919
I'm a woman.
My name is Hannah Snell,
581
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:26,759
and I only pretended to be a man
so I could join the Royal Navy.
582
00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,399
Oh! Oh.
583
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,879
But James... Hannah.
584
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,759
Did this happen
when you came on land?
585
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:33,919
Is this like a mermaid thing
where you become a man
586
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:35,239
when you go out to sea?
587
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,039
No, I've always been a woman.
588
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,479
Look, I only signed up to the Royal
Navy so I could find my husband.
589
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,839
He was a Dutch sailor and he
abandoned me after we got married.
590
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,239
And did you find him, James?
591
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,039
Hannah. Er, erm...
592
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:47,239
Yes. Aw.
593
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,439
He'd been executed.
594
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,719
Oh! Yes, that's less cute.
595
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,519
Why'd you bring that up? My bad.
596
00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:54,079
I'll be honest with you, James...
597
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,279
Hannah. ..this is a lot to take in.
598
00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:59,679
Seriously, none of you
were suspicious about anything?
599
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,079
IMITATES EXPLOSION
No.
600
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,039
Well, we've been sailing around
together for years.
601
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,199
This has come completely
out of the blue for me.
602
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:06,919
Michael, you used to
call me Miss Molly!
603
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,959
Yeah, on account of your
smooth ladylike cheeks
604
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:11,039
and the fact you never
had to shave your beard!
605
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,679
What, and that didn't
ring any bells?
606
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,800
Well, we just thought
you were Norwegian.
607
00:24:14,801 --> 00:24:17,839
OK, what about that time I got shot?
608
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,439
Instead of using
the regiment's surgeon,
609
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,119
I insisted on
dealing with it myself?
610
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,199
Well, I just thought
that was very manly.
611
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,519
Coolest thing
I've ever seen.
612
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,439
No, it was because some of the
wounds were near me lady bits
613
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,159
and I didn't want to get found out.
Whoa! TMI.
614
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,279
Well, James... Hannah.
615
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:32,439
Whatever your name is,
616
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:36,399
we do so hope that you will join us
on our next voyage.
617
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,279
Aye. That's very kind of you,
618
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,839
but there's absolutely no way the
Royal Navy will let me stay on now.
619
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,839
Probably just head home,
620
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,999
write a book, maybe run a pub.
621
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,879
Pubs?! They're no
place for ladies!
622
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,599
We're in one right now!
623
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,679
Also, I can handle myself.
624
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,399
Remember, I was literally with you
625
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,639
in the middle of the fighting
in India.
626
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,599
I got wounded in my legs 11 times.
627
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,279
Good times. Yes.
628
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,799
Well, Miss Molly,
629
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:03,839
it's been an absolute honour
to serve with you. Yeah.
630
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,999
To James! To Jimmy! To James!
631
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,479
Oh, it's Hannah.
632
00:25:07,480 --> 00:25:08,759
Now, who's Molly?
633
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,200
Because if I'm honest with you, I
have not been following this at all.
634
00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:17,439
Well, shipmates, our voyage is over
635
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,959
and we're coming back
safely into port.
636
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,679
Nothing can go wrong...
EXPLOSION
637
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:24,159
GASPS
Ah!
638
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,159
My boat's sprung a leak!
639
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,759
I'm sinking!
640
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,719
And I was so close to home!
641
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,479
Still, it's not the first time
a ship went down close to home.
642
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,479
Henry I's White Ship went down
with his son and heir onboard
643
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,599
as it was leaving port.
644
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:43,359
Henry VIII's Mary Rose sank
just outside Southampton.
645
00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:47,439
And Swedish King Gustavus Adolphus's
super ship, the Vasa,
646
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,839
sailed less than a mile
before it sank.
647
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,839
Ah! Rats can swim, right?
648
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:55,679
I guess I'm about to find out.
Ahh, ahh!
649
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,999
Oh, my goodness!
650
00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,439
Look at that boat, it's sinking.
651
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,199
But isn't that boat
the White Ship?
652
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:06,279
King Henry's son William Adelin
is onboard that boat. Yeah.
653
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:09,479
# We sail big boats,
but they make us cry
654
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:11,159
# The survivor of the wreck told I
655
00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,519
# The White Ship went down
with the heir to the crown
656
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,919
# The ship hit a rock
and a leak got sprung
657
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,079
# Cos they took a chance
when they sailed home from France
658
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,039
# They set off in the dark
659
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,919
# They thought it was a lark
660
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:24,719
# The crew were drunk
My heir got sunk
661
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,599
# Didn't make it to shore
Now there's gonna be war
662
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,719
# Hey, nobles
Yeah!
663
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:28,759
# Nobles
Yeah!
664
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,260
# Who'll be king now when I die?
665
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,319
# I use big boats
when I fight in France
666
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,279
# But with one,
took too much of a chance
667
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,439
# The Mary Rose got binned
When she turned in the wind
668
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,799
# The water poured in
And she got sunk
669
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:43,679
# We got ports right closed
670
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,199
# Sailors got hosed
671
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:46,919
# Lucky like a no-leaf clover
672
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,759
# When the ship tilted over
673
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:50,639
# She went down, 400 crowns
674
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,079
# But the French Armada,
they achieved nada
675
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,519
# Cos we've got other boats
Yeah!
676
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:56,599
# Boats
Yeah!
677
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,519
# We like big boats
Yeah!
678
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:02,279
Yo-yo! MC King Gustavus Adolphus
on the decks.
679
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:04,599
Well, on the deck.
680
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,159
# I built big boats
to put Sweden on the map
681
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:08,999
# The first launch
and the crowd began to clap
682
00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:10,199
# The Vasa was a beaut
683
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,239
# Cost us our loot
684
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,719
# One gust of wind
And she got sunk
685
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,559
# Errors when it was built
686
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:16,959
# Made the ship over-tilt
687
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,399
# Its hatches split asunder
688
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,439
# And the water dragged her under
689
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,159
# Would have helped us rule the seas
690
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,119
# But was sunk by a gentle breeze
691
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:26,039
As the world stood and watched
692
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,639
# They saw our plans botched
693
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,039
# Hey, you
Yeah!
694
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,399
# Did you see the boat go down?
Yeah! #
695
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,839
Fancy pretending it didn't happen?
696
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:33,919
No. No.
697
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,080
Worth a try.
698
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:37,799
# We had big boats
699
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,079
# But they made us cry
700
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:40,919
# High hopes but things went awry
701
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,679
# The memory makes us wince
702
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,479
# Cos our ships took a rinse
703
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,399
# And we're legends ever since
704
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:49,160
# Cos these ships got sunk! #
705
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:52,879
I am Loo Man, the living lavatory.
706
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,919
Or as you might say in Germany,
the cape...
707
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:57,279
Ha-ha!
708
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,599
I've turned into a muppet,
that's what happened.
709
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,039
Urdy-hurdy.
710
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,479
# The past is no longer a mystery
711
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:05,879
# Hope you enjoyed
712
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,520
# Horrible Histories. #
713
00:28:09,570 --> 00:28:14,120
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