Original subtitles

Okay, so everything's in the car.

I got chairs, snacks.

Here's some blankets.

Oh, thank you, baby.Uh-huh.

All right. So, you guys ready?

Yes.No.

Why can't we go after the stores open?

Because right when the stores open is when all the good stuff happens.

Door-busters, giveaways,

people getting trampled.

It's like running with the bulls in Spain,

except for toys.

We'd better get going.

The store opens in four hours.

Seriously? Four hours?

Lindsey, you're complaining now,

but one day, you're gonna look back on this...

And complain some more.

That's not what I was gonna say.

I'll be in the car.

Oh. Baby, you sure you don't want to come with?

Hmm, let's see.

Go stand outside in the cold with you

or go back to my warm, toasty bed.

Hmm.

Now, see, if I go with you,

then I won't be in my warm, toasty bed, sleeping.

But if I go to my warm, toasty bed and I'm sleeping,

then I won't be with you

outside in the cold.

Yeah, I'm gonna take my chances

and go back to my warm, toasty bed.

Yeah, yeah. Bed.

Oh, hey. Okay.

Black Friday, here we come.

If you change your mind... Oh, no, I won't. Bye.

Come on, let's go.

Here we go.

I got the blankets.

Lindsey, I know you're in there.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Lindsey. How much longer are you gonna be doing that?

How much longer until the store opens?

Well, few more hours.

Look, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be

anyplace else on Earth right now

because in just three hours,

I will have my own copy of Catastrophic 3.

Okay? And my life will be complete.

Sad but complete.

I'm sorry. I couldn't help but to overhear.

Did you say you were planning on buying Catastrophic 3?

Yeah. Do you have a wristband?

No. Do you need one?

Yeah, they used to just let people trample over each other,

but now people are suing and winning,

so, uh, wristband.

Well, who do I get one from?

Well, you had to go online and register with the lottery.

It was about a month ago.

It was on the big Black Friday website, so...

Yeah, all right. Thank you, sir.

All right.

Kev, look,

I will bet you any money

somebody in this line has an extra.

All we have to do is find somebody who has one,

and we make 'em an offer.

Serious? Yeah.

Go.

Lindsey, go with your brother.

I know you.

You're Nick Kingston-Persons.

You're on TV.

K.A.W.T.

Morning Sports.

Nice to meet you. Yeah, again.

Oh, yeah. I remember you.

My wife is never gonna believe I bumped into you again.

Can I get another picture?

Sure.

Thank you. All right.

Hey, Nick. Hey, man. What are you doing here?

I'm doing someone a favor.

What's her name? Denise.

Remember, I told you about her.

The girl where, if you do her a favor,

she will do you a favor.

Oh, you mean the one

where anytime you do something for her, she...

Bingo. That's the one.

Anyway, she's got these nephews and nieces.

And I figure that if I...

Yeah, I don't need the story, man.

But, uh, thanks for offering to tell it.

So, what's the deal here?

You just go to the end of the line, and then you wait.

Look, man, why don't you just hang out here with me?

If you go to the end of that line,

you might as well start shopping next year.

Hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey. Calm down.

What's the big deal? It's just one guy.

The big deal is, what if everybody did what you're doing?

What then, Nick Kingston-Persons?

The line would descend into chaos.

Is that what you want, chaos?

Hey, beautiful mind, bring it down.

Fine, I'll go to the end of the line.

Apparently, you people need to get into the store to replace the panties

you all have in a bunch.

Face, face, face, face, face, face.

I'm sorry, man!

Oh, come on. It's not open yet?

Gigi? Hey, Nick!

Hey, I didn't know you were gonna be here.

This is exciting, right?

This is a Black Friday.

Yeah. It's the first time I've been to one of these.

Well, look, you'd better get ready,

because these people do not play, all right?

When they open those doors,

you got to know exactly what you want,

you got to know exactly where it is,

and know who else wants it,

because if you don't,

you're gonna leave tired,

empty-handed, and sad.

Sounds like NBA All-Star Weekend.

You don't usually shop at stores like this. Why start now?

Because I cannot resist a big sale.

And apparently,

this is the biggest sale of the year,

so, here I am.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Calm down! Calm down! I got this, all right?

Get it, Nick.

Gigi, I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but, uh...

You're gonna have to get to the end of the line, lady.

That's right. Nick, back there?

These people have waited a long time.

You know what? So have I.

And isn't this a black sale?

Listen, I'm black!

I mean, come on. We have waited,

what, years to have a sale named after our people!

And you mean to tell me when we finally do,

a white man is standing in front of the line

on a Black Friday?

I mean, come on. You don't see me standing in line

in front of a white sale, do you?

May I? Go ahead.

This isn't about race.

This is about

getting the most bang for your buck.

So what, just because I'm a white guy,

I don't deserve

the 65% discount on select items?

Why is he yelling?

And I hate to throw the whole black president thing at you,

but on behalf of all white people everywhere,

you won!

Now get to the back of the line!

Catastrophic 3wristband! Anybody? Name your price.

Hey, kid, what's it worth to you?

What do you want for it? I want the most that I can get.

Okay, well, look, if I don't get this game,

my Christmas, my New Year,

and the rest of my life will be ruined, all right?

Besides, I'm, like, the all-time champ at Catastrophic 2.

No, you're not.

I beat all 60 levels at a 5-star difficulty.

Please. I did that blindfolded.

Well, too bad you don't have your handheld or we could battle.

Actually, I do.

Whoa! Is that a special Catastrophic Edition GS?

Yep. I got it when I beat the game in a record time.

Okay, how about this? If I win, I get your wristband.

Okay, but if I win,

I get that GS

and your soul.

Bored?

Yeah, I'm, like,

reading status updates from, like, Europe.

Wanna tap?

Hi, Curtis. Hi, Lindsey.

What are you going for first?

Oh, well, hopefully, Catastrophic 3.

Yeah. And some fashion stuff for my daughter,

Some DVDs for me and...

While you're at it... Whoa! What?

Get me a box set of The Wire.

Where did you come from?

Your house.

What's up with the riot gear? Are you a cop?

No, I'm not a cop, bro.

I'm shopping just like you.

Well, maybe not just like you,

'cause these Black Friday crowds,

they get out of hand real fast, all right?

Last year, I wasn't ready.

I got coldcocked by this fat girl from Tacoma

over a Snuggie.

It ain't happening this year.

I'm ready for it.

I got my flashbang grenades.

I got my Tasers and my pepper spray.

Anything go down,

I'm ready, especially if I see a big girl.

Just let me know.

You are not gonna need any of that stuff, man.

I will if somebody gets between me

and that panini press I got my eye on.

Now hold my place in line, Dick.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold your spot where?

Right here. No, no, no, man. Look.

These people,

they get mad when you cut in line. I ain't having it.

Uh-uh. Cut the line?

Man, I've been staking out this spot for three weeks.

Now, you just wait here.

I'm gonna go to the back and see if anybody wants something.

What?

Get with the program, Dick.

Get with the program.

I'll go to the back,

since I'm in the front,

see what they want,

sell it to them at a marked-up rate.

Okay?

Now, just hold my spot.

And I don't want no lip from you. What you got here?

No lip, no lip.

Martin, is that you?

Hey, Mike, what's up, man?

Black Friday, baby.

What are you doing here?

I'm doing a favor for a woman I'm seeing.

Meow!

You know, people stopped doing that

around the time they stopped wearing those shirts.

Make fun of me all you want,

but I'm not the one standing on line at 1:00 in the morning

'cause I'm whipped like butter.

I'm not whipped like butter.

You could do what you want,

but this, it's not a good look.

It's not, is it? Nope.

I'll take care of this.

Denise, listen, it's Martin.

Um, I'm starting to have second thoughts about this whole standing-in-line thing.

So, here's the deal,

you have 20 minutes to get down here and explain it to me,

or else you can say goodbye to me

and say goodbye to your place in line.

Sound good? Okay. Bye-bye.

So, is this the Denise

that returns every favor

with a favor?

Yeah.

And you broke up with her?

Malcolm!

What are you doing here? Waiting to get a haircut.

You're so funny!

He's so funny! Oh!

Okay, what are you doing?

Come on, man, act like I'm with you.

Oh, act like you with me, huh?

Why you got to be like that? Sorry, Gigi.

Why you got to be like that? I'm sorry.

I can't do that. Go to the back of the line, G.

Back of the line.Fine.

Everything okay?

No.What's wrong?

I can't find my wallet.

Wow, you're gonna need that

because if you don't have it when you go inside, then

you won't be able to buy stuff.

It's me, baby.

Listen, I can't find my wallet.

Seriously? Yeah.

Well, I don't have it. Good night.

Wait, baby, look. Look.

Look, I need you to look around the house, okay?

Can you call me if you see it?

I don't see it.

What?

Look, baby, I need you to get out of bed

and look around the house, okay?

The whole house.

Fine!

Okay, look, um,

I'm gonna go check my car.Okay.

All right, I'm gonna need you to hold my spot. No problem.

All right? Everybody! Everybody!

Hey, look, this is my spot.

Nick Kingston-Persons' spot!

I will be right back.

This is of K.A.W.T.

Sports Morning spot.

Dad. Kev, it's okay.

I can't find my wallet.

I'm gonna go to the car real quick to see if it's there.

Ha! Oh, man.

I was distracted.

Oh, man. I was distracted.

I hope you keep getting distracted,

'cause I want that GS.

You know, it's not over yet. Let's go.

Hey, Denise, it's Martin.

Um, about that message,

you do realize that was a joke, right? Get it?

So, I'm just gonna be standing here in line, waiting for you,

so, uh, call me.

Okay, bye.

Hey! Staten Island Mike, you know, I've been...

I've been thinking about you...

And what were you thinking?

I'm no sucker.

Beat it.

Martin! Hey! Hey.

Come on, we have history together.

Yes, but no future.

Back of the line. Goodbye.

Like I ever want a future with you.

Find your wallet?

No, and my wife's not picking up.

When did you see it last?

I guess when I put it in my pocket yesterday.

And now it's not in your pocket?

No, these are my other pants.

That's it! That's it.

I put 'em in my other pants.

Look, look, I need you to hold my spot, all right?

Look, I got to run home.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.

Holding your spot for a couple of minutes is one thing,

but the store opens soon.

And after that, I can't make any promises.

And I'm not willing to die for you.

Gave you two pictures, man.

Gigi! GIGI: Oh, Nick!

Whoo! Gigi!

Oh, wait. Ha, ha, ha. Okay.

Aw, you got to be kidding me.

Shut up! Shut up, lady!

Lady, be quiet!

Be quiet, lady! Man!

Look, can you hold my spot in the line? Yes!

I've got to run home and get my wallet, all right?

Now, if, for any reason, I don't make it back,

I need you to get everything on this list. Everything?

Hey, hey! Calm down, people!

I'm just holding his spot!

Kevin, I'm gonna run home real quick, so I can get my wallet.

If you need anything, Gigi's holding our place in line.

Huh?

Oh, man!

One more kill, and you can kiss that GS goodbye.

I'm not kissing nothing.

Who's that from? Just some girl.

Just some girl? Really? That's her name?

For the record, you suck at lying.

What lie? I didn't lie about anything.

Look, there's a girl. You like her.

I mean, I get it. We just met.

But you don't have to pretend like she's just some girl

texting you in the middle of the night.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

I didn't say any of that. You know what?

This was a bad idea from the start.

I'm going back to stand in line with my family.

Ow! Whoa! SUZANNE: Ha!

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa, whoa, baby, it's me! It's me, all right?

Oh! You scared me to death.

Why are you sneaking around here like a bedroom intruder?

I was trying not to wake you up!

I almost went A-Rod on your head!

What are you doing here?

Baby, I left my wallet in my pants.

You were supposed to be looking for me.

Oh, come on. I did look.

I just didn't look in there.

And I fell asleep before I could call you back.

Man.

Well, I got to go get back to the store before they open.

I'm sorry for scaring you.

Not as sorry as you were about to be.

Listen, you come back in here,

you'd better turn on a light or wave a "hi" sign

or wave a white flag or something

before we all end up on the news.

Come on! You were right in my crosshairs.

Not... anymore.

Yes! Yeah! Uh-huh.

♪ Oh, yeah Greatest comeback

♪ I know it hurts Let it burn

♪ I know it hurts Let it burn ♪

Thank you.

Denise, it's Martin.

Listen, remember when I said I was joking earlier?

I wasn't. We're done, 'cause you know what?

Your favors aren't that great to begin with.

And trust me, I'm not joking about that.

Okay? So, have a nice life.

Got it? Good.

Martin!

Denise!

You're here.Finally.

I got your message. I feel so stupid.

I've been standing in line at the downtown store.

I don't know what I was thinking.

But then I got your second message.

I was so relieved that you weren't angry.

Thank you so much for doing this for me.

I owe you big-time.

And I mean big-time.

Oh, what's that? Oh, I got another message.

You don't have to...

You should probably just skip it.

It's probably a wrong number. Is this a joke?

Yes. Then why does it say you're not joking?

You know, he fell and hit his head a little earlier.

So, if he's saying some crazy stuff, maybe that's why.

Who are you? I'm Staten Island Mike.

Do me a favor, stay out of it.

You got it.

Thank you. I owe you.

Whoa! Hold up,

when you say you owe me...

Dude...

I mean, when we're done here, come to my place.

Because Martin won't be there!

You know what? This is probably a big misunderstanding.

How about I do you a favor, okay? I don't think so.

I'll go get you a cup of coffee, a large, two sugars.

Do me a favor, don't do me any favors.

Is that considered a favor?

Beat it.

Oh.

Hey. Just made it.Hey.

Good. So, Nick, you're not gonna make me go to the back of the line now, are you?

Um...

Gigi, thank you.Mm-hmm.

But there's nothing I can do.

Have you tried, Nick?

I'm sorry.

Oh...

Look at you. Oh, my goodness.

You know, I don't usually do this,

but you are striking.

Save it. I know what you're doing.

And believe me, I have had way hotter women than you tap this.

Back of the line, lady.

You might be hot,

but you're not hotter than these deals.

Ho-ho-ho!

Merry Thanksgiving.

Where'd you get all that stuff, Terrence?

The store isn't even open yet.

Who said I got it from the store?

Come on, man. It's Black Friday.

Man, don't tell me you're just gonna leave me out here

to fight with all these people.

I should, but I'm not.

You didn't hear this from me, but when them doors open,

you head to the side,

right over there, all right?

That's the shortcut for the all big-head brother-in-laws.

Where? Right there.

Where?

Hey, Dad, it's almost time.

Dad, can I wait in the car?

No! Here, look, hold this.

Come on, get ready.

Good luck.

Three, two, one!

They're opening!

Wait! Ow!

Wait!

This is not right!

So, what do you guys think? Was it worth it?

No.

Catastrophic 3is awesome!

I mean, blowing up things never looked so real.

Boom!

Well, what happened with you?

Some big girl from Tacoma elbowed me in the ribs

and took the last toaster.

I wanted that toaster, too.

Did you get anything, Lindsey?

Yeah, a good reason to never go back

to one of these Black Friday things ever again.

Oh, well. Maybe next year.

Where are you going?

Uh, back to bed.

Back to bed?

You just got up.

Yeah, except I didn't get much sleep

because someone kept calling me

to look for their wallet.

Nick, don't make me get the bat.

Hey, that's not funny.

It's a little funny.

I'ma punch you in the face, Nick!

Boom!

Ha-ha!