Original subtitles

Baby, we got some more orange juice?

Yes. Are you gonna help me with these bags?

Oh. Sorry. Sorry. Um, where is it?

Inside these bags.

Why are you going to the grocery store at this time of day?

Isn't it crowded?

Yeah, but our refrigerator is not.

I don't know what is going on in this house.

This is the third time I've been to the grocery store this week.

It's like the second I buy something, it's gone.

Kevin with the cereal, Lindsey with the yogurt, you with the orange juice.

You know what? I am done with the grocery store.

I'm joining the Bigg Boxx Club.

No. No, uh-uh.

Why would we pay $50 to join a Bigg Boxx Club

when you can go to the grocery store for free?

Because, one, it's not just a grocery store.

Two, we can buy things in bulk

so I don't have to run to the store every ten seconds.

And three, if we don't join,

then you can do all the shopping,

and I'll stay home and eat all the food.

Pick one.

No. I was just playing, baby.

No, baby. I like it when you give some back.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Man! What did you guys do, hijack a grocery truck?

No, we went to the Bigg Boxx Club.

That place is awesome.

I mean, look at this.

This will last me a whole week.

And, Dad, look at this.

This is the biggest yogurt and granola ever.

What do you do with it? Pour the yogurt in a sack and strap it to your face?

Hey, guys, can you go out to the car and bring in the rest of the stuff, please?

Sure.Thanks.

Baby, this Bigg Boxx Club was supposed to save us some money.

How much did all this cost?

Uh, with coupons... $28.

All this cost $28?

With coupons, yes.

Okay, but do we really need 72 sticks of butter?

Well, baby, I mean, we can freeze some,

we can give some to your mom or Terrence.

Or Africa.

Man, with all this butter, I hope you bought some popcorn.

Man! I'm gonna have to rent some movies.

They have movies too?

They got a lot of stuff.

You guys have more stuff? What's that?

Waffles. Hey, Mom, can I give some to Troy?

I don't think I can finish all these.

Yeah, that's fine.

Hold on. Let's get him some butter.

Oh, y'all got a fire extinguisher?

No, it's spray cheese.

Oh, man, that's too funny.

What's so funny?

Kelly was like, "Did you see that new Lil Wayne music video?"

And I was like, "Yeah." And she was like, "He's totally not cute.

"He has a weird face and those teeth."

But like, she still totally thinks he's cute.

I was like, "Yeah, if you want a ex-con quadruple baby daddy as your man."

She was like, "No, we can get married."

And then I, like, wrote out all their marriage vows

and I'm sort of the preacher, and he was like, "Wheezy, do you take this woman

"to be your lawfully wedded wifey?"

And he was like, "Fo' sheezy."

And she was like, "LMAO," and I was like "ROTLF LMAO."

And then I put a smiley face.

You wrote all that just now? Yeah.

Man, your thumbs are fast.

I mean, between those thumbs and your face, you're like

a one-woman revenge of the Planet of the Apes.

When I smack you in the head with a pen and beat you like a gorilla,

remember you said that to me.

All right, calm down, bright eyes.

I'm just joking.

I saw this texting competition online.

You should enter. I bet you could win.

Win what?$500.

What?

What are you waiting for? Sign me up!

Go!

Morning. Good morning, baby.

Oh, shoot.

I forgot the milk.

You mean you forgot big-ass milk.

Ha-ha.

I'll go to the store and get you some.

No, babe, you should go to Bigg Boxx Club.

All we need is a quart, not a crate.

They have quarts there.

Besides, we already paid for our membership.

You may as well get your money's worth.

You're right. You need anything else?

Eggs, cheese, a big-ass pack of bacon?

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

Whoo.

Hey. Sorry I'm late.

Nick, what are you doing in a suit?

I got it from the Bigg Boxx Club.

You didn't say they had suits.

You were just supposed to be getting milk. I had to send Kevin.

I'm sorry, but that place was amazing.

Told you.

Well, I saved your breakfast.

It's okay. I already ate.

You didn't say anything about the free samples.

Well, the suit does look nice. How much did it cost?

$95... For a four-pack!

I'll be right back.

Babe, where are you going?

To the car. I got a case of dress shirts too.

Baby, the Bigg Boxx Club is the bomb!

Bam!

No, no, no. You don't got to tell me

that I look good. No, no, no.

You ain't got to say nothing.

In your four-for-one suit, you're right, honey.

You look fantastic.

Baby, don't be jealous.

I'm not jealous.

Well, I know what you're thinking.

Do you? Yes.

You're thinking, "How could this man go to the Bigg Boxx Club

"and get himself all these suits and not get me a thing?"

Wow. That is exactly what I was thinking.

Do they have mind-reading lessons at the Bigg Boxx Club?

No. But they do have this.

Ooh!

"Ooh" is right.

That is a .92 carat round-cut diamond in a white gold setting.

From the Bigg Boxx Boutique.

I found it in a tire section next to a pile of rims.

Rims?

Yeah. His and Hers Bling.

The tire guy said it's better than the stuff you find in most jewelry stores.

Well, how would he know?

He sized it.

Look, I'm not going to tell you how much it cost.

But let's just say

you got a little cha-ching cha-ching

on your fa-finger fing.

And you got it engraved?

"Bigg Boxx Boutique."

Yeah, I didn't do that.

You like it?

I love it.

Mmm.

Ooh! Ooh! I almost forgot.

I left my shoes in the car.

You bought a pair of shoes?

A pair? Try 12.

Explain this to me again?

It's a contest.

The winner gets $500.

So, I set up some training exercises.

Right now, she's trying to text me everything on that page in less than 60...

Done... seconds.

Hey. That's pretty good. Except for one thing.

What? I did the whole page.

Yeah, but you did it in text-speak.

You can't spell Barack Obama "B-R-K-O-B-M-A."

Do it again.

Can I finish my food? Yes.

May I have my phone back, please?

Thank you.

Okay. What is "F-G-N-S-T-N"?

Afghanistan.

Why are you texting about Afghanistan?

Well, Kelly thinks the whole Karzai government

was nothing more than a puppet regime.

But I think you need someone like Karzai

who's strong but also friendly to us and our allies.

Right.

Hey! This is awesome.

There's a prize in this cereal.

Well, what is it?

A pair of shoes!

And they're my size!

Good morning! Good morning.

What's wrong?

Nothing, it's just...

I can smell something. I mean, it's...

It's good, it's just...

It's like...

Gold and diamonds mixed...

Mixed with...

Rubber.

You can smell gold?

And rubber.

What is this?

Nick bought me a ring.

It's nice! Oh, my gosh, it's like a round-cut...

Oh. Oh!

What, a .93?

Two.

That's nice.

VS1, no visible inclusions.

Excellent cut, color.

What'd he do?

He didn't do anything.

Uh-uh. Then why did he get you a diamond ring?

He was just thinking about me.

Yeah, more like thinking about what you're gonna do to him

when you find out what he did.

I may not be the sharpest tool in the knife,

but I'm no fool.

You may not know what he did, but he did something.

Gigi.Yeah.

He didn't do anything.

He bought me that ring because he got a good deal on it.

Okay, where is this great deal on diamonds I haven't heard about?

The Bigg Boxx Club.

What'd you say?

The Bigg Boxx Club.

The Bigg Boxx Club? How you gonna tell people

you got a ring from the Bigg Boxx Club?

Why do you think I am not wearing it?

It's embarrassing.

I almost wish he would do something so I could get a ring from Tiffany's.

Hmm. What's in this?

"Bigg Boxx Boutique."

Hmm.

Now I know why I was smelling rubber.

Did that bounce?

Honey, I'm home!

Suzanne, I want to thank you and your husband

for introducing me to what must be the greatest

man-shopping experience of all time.

Not you, too.

I have but one question.

How you like me now?

Four-pack? Oh, yeah.

And they threw in a bag of ties.

Plus, I got 60 pairs of socks,

an alarm for my place, a new bedroom set,

and a trip to Hawaii from The Bigg Boxx Travel Club.

You bought a trip?

You're lucky he did, 'cause if he didn't, I was gonna get it.

Nick, what is all this?

Dinner. They had a seafood special.

Alaskan King Crab legs,

clams, sea bass, and here's the best part.

Bam!

You look like a little mermaid girl.

Come here.

Nick, are you kidding me?

That's what I said.

Buy one, get one free lobster. It's crazy.

Nick, I asked you to bring home dinner,

not an exhibit from SeaWorld.

How am I supposed to cook all this?

In your brand-new steamer!

How much did this cost?

Baby...

Show him your ring.

Oh, I, uh... I put it upstairs.

I took it off when I got home,

but everybody at the office, they loved it.

Man, no offense, I could never buy a woman a ring at the Bigg Boxx Club.

Girls like to brag,

and there's something about saying you got your ring

in the tire section at a discount store

that just sounds kind of bad.

Well, maybe you need to go out with a better class of woman.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I got dessert too.

A birthday cake?

It was on special.

Besides, it's somebody's birthday.

All right, guys, get your stuff together and come on.

"All right, guys, get your stuff together and come on."

Nick!

Please go get in the car.

All right, guys, have a good one.

Take care.Bye.

Baby, please don't go overboard at the Bigg Boxx Club.

I'm just going to hang out.

Yesterday, between what me and Martin bought,

they upgraded us to The Bigg Boxx Platinum Card.

Bam!

So, now I have access to the gym,

plus I'm gonna get a shave, get my eyes checked, and have them detail the car.

I might just get a massage at the spa.

They have a spa?

Third floor, behind the pool.

Have fun. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Let me see that ring.

Yeah! That's what I'm talking about, baby!

Oh, you have a great day. Mwuah.

That Bigg Boxx Club!

Okay, now my chat window is... Open.

Kevin, do you really think this is necessary?

Yes. Now, I'm gonna start talking,

and you have to write everything I say, okay?

Wait. Hold on. Now, I'm gonna play some music to try to distract you.

During the competition, you need to stay focused, okay?

So, if you can do this, you might be ready.

All right.Okay.

"To be or not to be, that is the question.

"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows

"of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

"and by opposing end them?

"To die, to sleep, no more.

"and by a sleep to say we end the heart-ache

"and the thousand natural shocks

"that flesh is heir to,

"'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd.

"To die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream.

"Ay, there's the rub."

Done.

Uh, you didn't have to send it twice. I got it the first time.

I didn't send it to you twice.

One's to you, the other one to the rapper.

What do you think?

I think you're ready.

Hey, guys, where's your dad?

Here I am. Oh, hi, honey.

Let me just get situated, and I'll put dinner on, okay?

You don't have to cook.

We have reservations.

Wow. Where are we going?

Trimrate.

Trimrate? Where's that?

On the roof of the Bigg Boxx Club!

I had lunch there yesterday.

Look, baby, they got everything!

Look, sushi, steak, Chinese, Italian, all at 33% off.

Baby, when you joined the Bigg Boxx Club,

I had no idea it was gonna be like this.

Aw. Neither did I.

Trimrate? What is that, Dad, like French?

I don't know. How do you spell it?

T-R-I-M-R-A-T-E.

Trim rate.

Trimrate!

Man, that place was awesome.

I didn't know they had donut burgers.

Yeah, well, Kevin, don't get used to it,

'cause we're not eating there every night.

I love how that Japanese guy cooked

all that stuff right at the counter.

I mean, that was incredible.

Yeah, well, go dream about it. Good night.

Night. Good night, guys.

Phew!

Okay. Nick...

We need to have a talk about the Bigg Boxx Club.

What, you didn't like dinner?

No, I did,

but it just seems like you'll buy anything if it has a good price.

I mean, baby, do we really need a case

of the world's best peanut butter and jellies?

Baby, this is from Morocco. All right?

Do you know anybody who has a jar of Moroccan peanut butter? Eh?

No, I don't, Nick.

And if it's so great,

why don't the people of Morocco keep it?

Mmm! Because it's delicious!

You can't keep something this delicious from the rest of the world!

Take it back.

Too late, I already opened it.

Well, take the rest of them back.

Well, what about the jelly, huh?

Look, this is 100% pure Ukrainian cherry jelly.

Who has that?

Besides Ukrainian? I don't know.

What about the bread, all right?

Look, look. We got Australian, we got Jamaican,

We got Hawaiian, uh, North Korean, South Korean.

If you don't take it back, I'm canceling the membership.

You want me to take this back too? Huh?

Nick, that is a peanut butter-making machine.

You and I both know that you are not going to be making

your own peanut butter.

I'll have to if you make me take all these jars back.

Okay, okay.

You know what? Baby, you have to taste this.

Damn! That is good!

Yeah. You want some for dessert?

Okay, but we're taking the rest of this stuff back.

I'll get the Vietnamese bread.

Okay. I'm gonna get some milk.

All right, and get a knife too.

Okay.

Honey, we're home.

Oh, no. Did all that happen at the contest?

We didn't make it to the contest.

What happened?

We were late getting to the mall.

There were so many people there that the elevators

were taking forever.

So, we decided to take the stairs.

And I guess the weight of her head took its toll.

She slipped.

When I tried to catch myself, I sprained my wrist.

Yeah, we're just coming from the doctor.

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. Maybe next time.

I was gonna use that money to buy a Jet Ski at the Bigg Boxx Club.

All right, well, go and get ready for bed, guys.

Good night, guys. Okay.Bye.

Baby? What?

Where is your ring?

Oh! It's right here.

Okay, Nick, there's something I need to tell you.

Come on, let's sit down.

Okay.

You don't like your ring, do you?

Baby, it's beautiful.

But the thing about getting a gift,

it's kind of like what Martin said,

you want to be able to tell people about it.

And you got this at the Bigg Boxx Club,

and that's embarrassing.

I mean, it has "Bigg Boxx Boutique" engraved on it.

Who's looking inside the ring?

Me. I'm sorry.

Okay.

They have a 30-day no-questions-asked return policy.

No, honey, I don't want you to take it back.

I looked it up. This ring is no joke.

I want you to be able to wear it,

and talk about it.

Well, I do too.

You know what, why don't we make up a story?

What?

We'll make up a story, me and you,

about how on a warm night...

Over a candlelight dinner...

Just because I love you and was thinking of you...

Mmm. You gave this to me.

And you have no idea where I got it.

But you love it.

I do.

You are amazing.

Honey, keep that thought.

Um, I have something to show you.

Another piece of jewelry?

Uh, not quite.

But they had a deal I just couldn't pass up.

Here. Come on. Close 'em.

I got you.Okay.

Close your eyes.Okay.

Keep 'em closed. They're closed.

No peeking. I'm not peeking.

Oh!

Yes!

Nick!

I had to get it! It was 75% off!

Baby, it's got picture in picture in picture in picture!

That's four pictures!

Take it back.

But, baby! It's 5-D!

5-D! That's two more dimensions!

We can watch shows today that won't be out till next month!

Oh... Oh, my...

[CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING