Original subtitles

Is Chris coming?

Why? You think he likes me?

She did? When?

Well, what did Chris say?

Well, how did he look?

Well, what did you say?

I don't know.

Chris?

Yeah. Nah. Sometimes.

Chris said what?

Well, how did he say it?

What do you mean, "what do I mean?"

Either he said it like he likes me or he said it like he doesn't.

Why would you say that?

Because...

Wow! All right.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Okay. Bye.

So, who's Chris?

Nobody. Just a guy from school.

Really? Yeah.

Hmm. 'Cause you said his name like a hundred times.

If that's how you talk about somebody you're not interested in,

I can't imagine how you would talk about somebody that

you are interested in.

Well, Mom, it's not that I'm interested in him,

I mean, I could be if he's interested in me,

because I never really thought that he thought that I like him.

And if he does, I want to know so that I can act interested.

Right.

Well, if you do like him, what you should do...

Mom. Not interested.

Besides, you're old and uh, guys are different now.

Uh-huh. All right. Fine.

I'm home!

Oh, hey, honey.

I missed you.

Oh, you did? Mm-hmm.

Aw... I need you to take out the garbage.

Thank you.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad. NICK: Hey.

Check it out!

What is that?

I got this from this yard sale when I was walking home.

It's like some sort of old transformer.

Kevin.

That's not a transformer. That's an African tribal statue.

Are you sure? 'Cause the lady said this is an ancient Decepticon.

How much did you pay for that?

$20.

You paid $20 for that? Come here, boy.

Oh... Man...

This thing doesn't even look like it's worth 20 cents.

All right, listen. I'll tell you what.

How about we'll go back

and we'll talk to the people together about

getting you your money back.

I think they may have taken advantage of you.

You really need to learn how to be smarter with your money.

Yeah, you're right. Another 20 should help me learn.

Let's start your education with this.

Go ahead.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold your arms out.

Nick.

Go, go.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Yes? May I help you?

Hello. I'm Theresa.

I hope I have right house. May I come in?

Uh, come on in.

Uh, what can I do for you?

Did someone here buy similar statue to this one?

Hey! That looks like my statue.

Oh! Thank God, you have it.

Yeah. We've been meaning to come talk to you about this.

I'm so sorry.

The thing is my sister wasn't supposed to sell this.

You got that right.

- $20 for that? - That's ridiculous.

I understand. And I don't want you to feel cheated.

So I will give you $60. Is that fair?

Yeah.

Hey, hold on. Hold on.

Um, if you don't mind me asking, we only paid $20 for it.

Why are you trying to buy it back for $60?

It has sentimental value.

Ha, not to me.

Mm-mmm. Sentimental value?

I understand. Obviously, you know it's worth more than that.

I'll give you $75.

Deal. No, hold on, Kevin.

Look, lady, I don't know you.

But I know when something's not right.

You want to tell me what's really going on here?

The lady is trying to give you 50 extra dollars,

and you won't take it, man.

These statues are very rare.

They are made in sets of three.

As it turns out, a collector from Cameroon has one.

When he found out I have two, he offered me $500 for the pair.

$500!Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And you're only offering me $75, huh?

I mean, shouldn't it be more like $250?

I'm not going to give you $250. Your son bought it for $20.

Okay, well, it was nice to meet you.

All right, I am so sorry for your loss.

What is wrong with you, man?

Be quiet. You got that. I got this.

I understand. I make mistake.

But I can't give you that much money, not right now.

Okay, well, when you get it, you can just come on back.

You know where I live.

Sir, I'm supposed to do this today.

And now I have to leave town

and see my sick aunt in few hours.

Can't you tell your sister to bring me the money?

It's her aunt too. She's coming with me.

And collector's only in town couple more days.

Look, I understand you made a mistake.

But that's not my fault.

All right, look, my son bought this for $20.

And then we find out that it's worth ten times that much.

All right, I would be a fool if I let that go.

All right, so since you have to leave,

why don't you leave me the statue,

all right, and the guy's info, and I will sell it to him.

And then when you come back, I will have your money for you.

I'm sorry, but that would make me fool.

What's to stop you from saying both statues are yours all along,

and you keeping all money?

Because I wouldn't do that.

Look, why don't you sell him the statue

and then send him my way, and then I can sell him mine?

Separate, they are not worth as much.

It's like Hall without Oates, salt without pepper, Itchy without Scratchy,

Ren without Stimpy, macaroni without cheese, Siegfried without Roy.

Okay, okay, I got it, all right?

Look, the statues are worth $500.

How about I give you $230,

and you give me the guy's info, and then we're all good.

It's not like I have choice. Fine.

All right, well, let me get you the money.

Put your guy's info in my phone.

Want me to go get your wallet?

No, no, just check your back pocket.

My back pocket? Check your back pocket

Listen, it's business going here, man.

How'd it get in there? Don't worry about it.

Why are you trippin' today, man? Calm down.

There we go, there we are.

All righty. And thank you very much.

It was a pleasure doing business with you.

All right, I hope your aunt feels better.

Ah, yes.

Man, I can't believe I'm gonna make $250.

You?

No, no, no, no. We're splitting this 50-50.

Oh, well, technically, I own the statue,

because I bought it with my money.

That you got from me.

Come on, man. 60-40.

No, man. 50-50.

55-45?

50-what, 50-what? Huh?

Fine. 50-50.

Deal!

See, Kevin. That is how you are smart with your money, man.

Uh, you dropped some.

Ooh. Hey, thanks, man.

That's good looking out.

Gigi, no. Why not?

Because you still haven't returned the last pair of shoes that you borrowed.

One more pair, and you'll official have more of my shoes than I do.

True. But in my defense, I'm using them.

Sitting in your closet, they're just going to waste.

You know, I can't think of anything that you have that I can use,

but I'm gonna figure it out, borrow it, and never give it back.

Ooh, girl, where are you going looking like the "it" girl.

I'm just going out with some friends.

Uh-huh, what's his name?

Chris, and he's super cute.

But honestly, I don't really know if he likes me,

and I'm not sure how to find out.

Okay, well, you look good. That's a start. Who else is going?

Uh. Like three other guys and four girls.

Okay, first thing's first.

You got to let the other girls know that Chris is yours.

And if they're really your friends,

they would run interference and set you up

so you have maximum face time.

Face time?

Yeah, a man can't like you unless you're in his face.

You have to make it easy for him.

And once you're in his face, you stay in his face.

I mean, you ask him what he thinks about things,

laugh at his jokes,

act like he's important.

Between the other girls ignoring him and you paying attention,

it's a lock.

Just like that? Just like that!

Men are stupid.

Okay, so, you do this right,

he won't even know what hit him.

It's like you're playing chess and he's playing checkers.

Okay, got it. Chess... Chess.

And men are stupid. Stupid!

Got it.

Okay, you go, girl! Go, get him!

The number still doesn't work.

Let me get this straight.

A strange woman shows up at your door with a story and a statue.

You give her over $200.

She gives you a phone number, and that number doesn't work.

Right.

Wait a second. Are you training for a stupid contest?

Seriously, man. You think it's a scam?

Uh, "D" to the izz-"uh."

Well, I don't.

It just doesn't make sense.

To you, the sucker.

See, to her it makes perfect sense.

See, this is why they call them con men,

a term which, in case you didn't notice,

also applies to women.

Actually, most women are con men.

This one just happens to be a professional.

Look, man, don't feel bad. You know those statues are worth something.

Really? What?

The $250 you paid for them.

Thanks for your help, man.

Look, wait a second.

I know this guy who is selling the space needle.

I told him to get in touch with you,

you know, 'cause you're an idiot.

Look, I don't know what's going on here. But my buyer call me.

He say you never call him. You trying to run scam on me?

No. I thought you were trying to scam me.

Oh, it turns out that number you gave me for the guy? Hm-hmm.

It doesn't work.

What? Let me see.

Oh.

I'm so sorry. I enter number wrong.

Hmm. Okay, well, that explains that.

But you know what?

Maybe that's a good thing, all right?

You know, I don't know if you know this or not,

but, I think that guy is trying to cheat you.

I looked these things up online,

and there are only a few out there.

But it turns out they are worth a few hundred dollars more.

Well, perhaps this is why he in such hurry.

He even promise me another $300 if I can promise delivery.

Oh, cool.

Well, look, if you break me off with $150 right now, and we can do this.

No.No?

I don't want any more mistakes.

Well, I'm not just gonna hand over the statues.

Well, what do you want to do, then?

I'll tell you what.

Let's do this together.

I have a friend. He has a bar.

We can all meet there together, tomorrow night at 7 o'clock.

All right? You bring the guy,

I'll bring the statues, and we'll make the deal.

Fine.

The name of the bar is Martin.

Okay, I see you there.

Uh, aren't you supposed to be out of town?

Yes, but when I get call, I come back.

I've been planning on this deal for quite some time.

I wanted to know what was happening.

Hmm. How's your aunt?

Oh, well, thank you.

See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

Hey, Kev. You will never guess what happened.

Hey, it turns out those statues are worth way more than that woman originally said.

We are selling them for another $300.

Wow!

So now we are selling the statue

that I bought with my money for even more money?

That's great, Dad. I mean, so what's the split now?

70-30, 89-11?

You know, you have really done well with the statue I bought

that you told me I shouldn't have bought.

It's 50-50. That's fair.

You know what, Dad? It sure is.

What was I thinking? Thanks, Dad. Can I have my money?

Check your front pocket.

How do you do that?

What is wrong with you?

Nothing.

Oh, okay, cool.

Ugh. It's just that there's this guy I like,

and I've been trying to get his attention, but nothing has worked.

Gigi said, "Get in his face," and that didn't work.

Martin told me to keep my distance, and that didn't work.

I just don't know what else to do.

You should stop taking advice from them two fools, for starters.

So what now?

Baby, men are not that complicated.

You are overthinking it. Here's what you do.

You walk right up to him, look him straight in the eye, take him by the hand and say,

"Listen, son. I don't play games,

"and I don't buy green bananas,

"because I don't have time to waste.

"I want what I want when I want it, and I want you.

"Now, if you want me too, then we can get to doing what we got to do.

"But if you don't, then it's been nice knowing you,

"and you can let the doorknob hit you where the donkey should have kicked you."

And that works?

Works for me.

Ooh, that's strong enough.

Why would somebody pay almost $1,000 for these?

How much ping-pong do Cameroonians play?

To each his own.

Seriously, I want to take this guy and be like,

"Look, we're gonna spend the day together, and we're each gonna spend $1000.

"If you have more fun with me spending my 1000

"than I have with you spending your 1000, I get your money."

Is that what you really spend time thinking about?

Oh, wow. Who's insulting who now?

Oh, fine. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rain on your little stripper fantasy.

Did I say "stripper"?

Boy, you are really on a roll today.

Any other low blows?

I'm not sure how much more my feelings can take, Nick.

Are you seriously gonna stand there

and tell me that scenario had nothing to do with strippers?

Fine. Don't apologize. But that's one.

Hello, Mr. Nick.

This is Mr. Walters, collector I'm telling you about.

As we say in Cameroon, "Nice to meet you."

Nice to meet you too.

Uh, may I see the statues?

Yeah, yeah.

Here you go.

Oh.

Oh, they're beautiful.Hmm.

They're just as I imagined them.

Well, as long as you have the $800,

you don't have to imagine no more.

$800.

Oh, gosh. I'm so embarrassed.

I thought we agreed on a different price.

I had this cashier's check made out for $1000.

Um, what should we do?

I... Well,

why don't you give us cashier's check,

and we pay you difference in cash?

I'm fine with that.

Mr. Nick?

The sucker, sucker.

Well, I don't know.

I understand your hesitation.

Well, why don't we just, you know, wait then.

I can come back next week.

Next week?

Hey, man, why don't we just go to the bank?

It's after 5:00. Banks are closed.

And unfortunately, I have to leave first thing in the morning.

Well,

I don't want to drag this out any longer than we have to.

Well, I'm not sure what to do.

I have some ideas.

I know. Look, I paid you already.

Why don't you give him the $200 difference?

All right? I'll take the cashier's check, get it cashed tomorrow.

I'm not going anywhere. You know where I live.

I suppose.

Can I talk to you?

Excuse me.

Look, it's either that or nothing.

Look, if this dude gets online,

he might buy it from somebody else and then what?

Fine.

Mr. Walters.

Yes. I think we figure it out.

I'll pay you difference in cash.

All right.

I only have $100.

Ugh! That is truly a surprise.

That's okay. Hey, we have a deal. Ah!

All right, there we go.

Here's $100. And yours.

Oh.Thank you.

This is fantastic. I'm a very lucky man.

Hey, thank you. It is a pleasure doing business with you.

And, well, if you'll excuse me, as we say in the Serengeti...

Serengeti.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Ah, yes, you will. All right.

Well, looks like I owe you an apology.

I really thought they were taking you for a ride.

Oh, I went for a ride from $20 to $400.

Hey, I take it all back. You knew exactly what you were doing.

Dude, I am smart with my money.

You mean the money that you left on the floor over there.

Oh, hey, hey, hey. Thanks, man. That's good looking out.

Okay. Wow. What happened?

I feel like a complete fool

I've been trying to get Chris to notice me,

and nothing anybody has told me has worked.

Gigi had me get all up in his face like some hoochie at an after party.

Martin had me avoiding the poor boy like I owed him money.

And I said exactly what Marilyn told me to say,

and I'm pretty sure he started to cry.

You couldn't tell?

He ran away.

Well, do you mind if I ask you a few things?

Sure. I got nothing to lose.

When you went to the movies with your friends the other day, did Chris sit next to you?

Yeah.

And when you were all up in his face like a hoochie mama, did he move away?

No.

And when you ignored him, did he ignore you back?

I guess not.

Well, I know you don't want my advice,

but if I were gonna give it to you, I would just tell you one thing.

What's that?

Lindsey, just be yourself.

If you like him, tell him.

That is, if he's not scared of you.

Okay, what exactly did Marilyn tell you to say?

I don't know. It started off with green bananas

and ended with a donkey kicking a guy in the butt.

Sweetheart, you are a sweet, beautiful girl with a great personality.

And if it's meant to be, it will happen.

Thanks, Mom.

You know, I don't know why I didn't come to you for advice in the first place.

Uh, because you think I'm old.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

Mom, you'll never believe what just happened. What?

Chris asked me to go to the movies with him tomorrow. Can I go?

Yes. So, how did this happen?

I don't know. I wasn't even doing anything, and, like, he just asked.

Well, honey, I am very happy for you.

Yeah, I mean, it's a good thing...

Shut up.

Baby, you'll never believe what happened.

You know the African statues?

Yeah, what happened with that?

Well, it's a long story, but we got scammed.

Uh, "we"? No, we didn't get scammed.

Okay, I got my money. You got scammed.

What? How?

I don't know.

It started with this woman trying to buy the statue back,

and then it got all crazy. And then there was this collector guy from Cameroon.

Cameroon?

Yeah, well, anyway, it all ended up with

me getting this cashier's check for $1000, and it's a fake.

I ended up losing about $300, $400.

Are you serious?

I know, right? I mean, I'm glad I got my money. I would have been mad.

How much did you make?

About $200.

$200?

And to think this all started with me and that dumb statue that I got for $20.

But it's weird, you know, because I'm happy and sad.

Happy for me, sad for you.

Are you through?

Oh, check your front pocket.

Oh, no, the other one, the other one.

Now I'm through.

You dropped your check.

Good looking out.

Good looking out.