Original subtitles

Hey, Lindsey.

Hey.

Want to make some money?

How?

I bet you $10 that you can't eat this teaspoon of cinnamon.

$10?

Yeah.

What's the catch? No catch.

Did you poison it? No.

Did you mix pepper into it?

No.

Did you stick the spoon up your... Ew! No!

Look, there's no catch.

I just don't think you can do it.

All I have to do is eat that little spoon of cinnamon?

Yep. And then you'll give me $10?

Mmm-hmm.

Deal.

Oh, man! Your face...

I hate you!

What the heck is going on in here?

Lindsey just found out she doesn't like cinnamon.

Okay, well, I don't know what you did to her,

but whatever it is, it better not end in a fight. Enough.

Yeah, if I wanted to hear fighting this early, I'd visit my parents.

Why don't you go make your bed and get ready to go?

Oh, there's my phone.

So?

Girl, you are not gonna believe what happened last night.

Okay, you don't know if I'm gonna believe it.

You just tell me, and I'll tell you whether or not I believe it.

Thank you.

We talked about it a long time ago,

and I was like...

Hello!

Suzanne! Baby! Can you hear me?

Somebody else...

Hello! Suzanne!

I think you pocket-dialed me.

You remember the article, "101 Ways to Please Your Man"?

Uh-uh. Number 48.

Oh, you brat!

When did you start doing that?

We talked about it a long time ago.

And I was like, "Mmm, I don't know."

Girl, mmm-mmm, who you talking to?

You do know it's me, right?

So, you can keep that goody-two-shoe act for somebody else.

Tell me. What happened then?

Okay, so you remember when I told you about what happened the last time.

Number 33?

Uh-huh. It was like that.

Except this time, we didn't fall.

Huh. What!

What? That's like some circus stuff.

What?

He was like Mary Lou Retton up in there. What? Uh! Uh!

No, he wasn't!

Gold medal, honey. Gold medal!

Get on that platform!

On the platform. What!

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Hey, baby. How was work?

Hey.

You know, work was work.

Did the sports thing. Talked to some people.

Oh, that's good.

But you know what?

I also did a whole lot of listening.

Oh, really? Who to?

Well, you know, people.

You know, it is crazy what some people will say to each other.

You know? I mean,

I can't believe somebody

would really be telling somebody that, you know?

Things like what?

Personal stuff, you know.

You know, I heard this one woman,

okay, and she was talking to this other woman,

and, you know, I was like,

"Look. I should not really be in this conversation."

But then this one woman

starts talking about stuff

that her husband and her do together.

Oh, wow.

I know. You know,

and I can't imagine doing something like that,

you know, telling personal stuff about us.

Would you do that?

Would I do what?

You know, just tell personal stuff about us to people.

To the people I work with? No.

What about Gigi?

Oh, well, honey, that's different.

Gigi's my friend.

Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, are you saying

that you tell Gigi stuff about us?

Who do you think we're talking about?

No, see, I know you talk about us, okay.

But do you tell Gigi private stuff

that happens with us, me and you, in the bedroom?

Maybe. What are you getting at?

Oh, you don't know.

No.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. So, you've told her

so much stuff about us

that you can't remember putting our business out on the street?

What?

You don't remember telling Gigi this morning

about what we did last night?

Number 47.

48. And how do you know about that?

Because you pocket-dialed me this morning,

and I heard everything.

What? So, you just listened to my conversation?

Oh, don't you try to flip this around on me, girl.

Okay, Nick.

When someone pocket-dials you, you're supposed to hang up.

You're not supposed to sit there

and listen to their conversation.

Really? You know, that just violates

all rules of pocket-dial etiquette.

Wait. Wait. No, no, no. But first, first,

you got to follow the bad cell phone protocol.

Okay, which requires a couple "hellos,"

and then a few "do you hear me's..."

You know what? Just save it. Save it, Nick.

I can't believe that you would violate my privacy like that.

Oh, wha... Me? Violate your privacy?

Huh? Your privacy.

You're worried about your privacy right now?

Oh, okay, look. What...

What about my privacy, honey, okay?

Do I have some say

about what people know about me, huh?

It's none of Gigi's business what we do.

We're not just talking about your business, Nick.

We're talking about my business, too.

And if I want to make my part of our business her business,

that ain't none of your business.

So that's what you get for being nosy.

Oh, really.

Well, how would you like it if I was walking around

telling Martin all about that right there, huh, huh?

As long as he don't bring it back to me,

then that's none of my business.

And what do you care what Gigi knows? She don't care nothing about you.

Then why are you telling her about me?

I'm not. I'm telling her about me.

And if you had hung up like you were supposed to,

we wouldn't be having this conversation.

It's called boundaries, Nick.

And you know what?

Since you want to be all up in my business, and you want to be nosy,

why don't you check the chicken?

Good morning.

Hey, Gigi.

Good morning. I love your tie.

Thanks.

Okay, he's acting weird. Why?

Well, he is embarrassed

because I pocket-dialed him yesterday,

and he heard us talking about the other night.

Uh-uh. Well, you know what? You should be embarrassed.

You don't listen to other people's conversations

when you are pocket-dialed.

That is against pocket-dial etiquette, Nick.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up, okay?

Listen, I am not embarrassed

because I was listening to your conversations, okay?

I was embarrassed

because of what you were talking about.

Boy, please, ain't nobody thinking about you.

And I mean, if you were embarrassed by that,

oh, my God, I'm glad he wasn't pocket-dialed

that morning after he fell asleep.

Oh, my God, that was funny!

Oh, I got to go.

Hey, hey, do you want me to pocket-dial you

so you can listen to what we're talking about in the car?

Oh, my God!

I can't believe she would do that.

Women.

Man, why don't you just give it up?

It's like beating a dead horse with a stick.

He's right.

You know that happened to me, man.

So, your girl was telling somebody your personal business?

Nah, I pocket-dialed her and she listened for, like, ten minutes.

I had to break up with her.

Seriously, boundaries, you know?

Look, man, women tell other women everything.

That's just the way it is.

Stuff you wouldn't think they'd tell,

stuff you never imagined you would do.

It's like sharing on steroids.

Yeah, he's right. But I don't want to think about your woman like that,

and you don't want to think about my woman like that.

For the record, we've seen your woman.

We don't think about her like that.

All right, now. At least I got a woman.

You know what? I asked her how she would feel

if I was running around telling her personal details.

You know what she said? She said she wouldn't care.

Women don't care what other guys think about them in bed.

They only care what their own man thinks, and even then, just barely.

Now, if she knew you were telling people about stuff she actually cared about,

then she'd be mad.

How am I supposed to know what she cares about?

He's right. I know if my woman found out

that I told somebody that Louis Vuitton purse that I bought her was fake,

or that she wears two pairs of Spanx sometimes,

she would be done.

Dude, you better check your phone right now, just in case.

I know a guy that could get you one on the cheap

if you ever want to swap that one out.

I do. I'm out of minutes.

Mike, are you "that guy"?

Maybe, maybe not.

You know what? That's a good idea.

You're gonna buy Suzanne a fake purse?

No, I'm gonna pocket-dial Suzanne.

And what I'm about to say, she ain't gonna like.

Oh, I don't think you should do that, man. I don't think you should do that.

No, no, no, no, I want to do this, all right?

Now, look, I'm gonna do the talking, and you do the listening, all right?

Here we go.

Oh, man.

What're you gonna say? You'll see.

- You've reached Suzanne. - Please leave a message,

and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Oh, this is even better.

Watch this.

So, I go into the bathroom,

and Suzanne has blown it up!

Oh! Whoa!

Oh, that smell was so bad. I'm like,

"How does a smell this nasty

"come out of that little bitty body?"

Don't! Disgusting!

TMI! Not Suzanne.

I had to pull her to the side, and I'm like,

"Baby, it's time we introduced some potpourri into your diet."

Oh! You serious?

Nick, that's so personal. It's awful.

We shouldn't know this.

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, speaking of smells,

does your woman ever wake up with morning breath?

Suzanne's got morning breath?

Yeah! Oh, look, and on Sundays,

she just waits around to brush her teeth, man.

I mean, that funk just be sitting around

till about 2:00 p.m. just fermenting.

You're talking about Suzanne Kingston-Persons.

That's right, that's the one I'm talking about. That's it.

I don't believe that.

Oh, man, her breath is so funky, it plays the bass.

Yes. That's crazy, man.

The breath is so bad, you can see it when the words come out.

"I love you, baby." MIKE: Disgusting!

I will never look at her the same again.

And you know what?

Sometimes she just forgets to shave her legs.

No!

Yeah, yeah. No!

In the daytime, that's cool, 'cause then she has pants on.

But when the nighttime rolls around, I'm like,

"Uh, baby, can you take those legwarmers off?"

Hey, Lindsey. Do not talk to me.

I'm still not through hating you from the other day.

Look, I just want to give you a chance to win your money back.

You're still gonna try to trick me.

True, I am gonna try to trick you.

But you should be able to figure this one out.

Look, I only have $10 left, and I'm not gonna lose it all.

Okay, my 25 against your 10.

I don't know. What's the thing?

This time, I'm gonna take the challenge.

I'm listening.

I'm gonna cover this glass of water with this hat

and drink the glass of water without ever touching the hat.

What's the catch?

No catch.

Is it magic evaporating water?

All water evaporates.

That's not what I meant.

It wouldn't be the first dumb thing you've said.

So, you're gonna drink that glass of water without ever touching the hat?

Do we have a deal?

Deal.

Ah!

All done. You are such a liar.

Thank you.

Uh!

Argh! I hate you!

Hey, don't hate the player. Hate the game.

♪ Go, Kevin, go, Kevin

Can you put him up for adoption?

Actually, I put you both up for adoption.

There just haven't been any takers.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

Listen to any good calls today?

No, how about you?

No. See, that's your thing.

You're the one with the big ears. I'm the one with the big mouth.

Oh, man.

What?

Well, it's just that I got all these voice mail messages.

You know, you ever lose cell phone reception,

and then you got a whole pileup of old messages, you know?

People will be like, "Hey, Nick, I left you a message."

And then I'll be like, "What message?"

And they'll be like, "I left you a message the other day."

And I'll be like, "You did?" And they'll be like, "Yeah."

And then, sure enough, there it is, a whole bunch of messages.

That ever happen to you?

Oh, I don't know. I guess.

You left me a message?

No, why?

It says that you left me a message. What did you want?

I didn't want anything.

Oh, okay, I'll just delete it, then.

No, don't do that.

Why not? If you left me a message you don't remember leaving,

it must not have been important.

Well, maybe it was

and then the reason I left you a message

is because I didn't want to forget.

And hey, I was right,

because I did, so why don't you just, uh, check it out?

No... I'll do it later. Do me a favor, babe.

Can you, uh...

Can you just let the kids know that dinner's almost ready?

Yeah. Yeah. I got it. Okay, honey. Thank you.

Babe, you left your phone.

You might want to check that...

Hey, Marilyn, what are you doing here?

Oh! I ran out of here so fast the other day, I forgot my keys.

Oh, there they are.

How were you able to go into your apartment if you forgot your keys?

Well, luckily, Rodrigo was there.

Who's Rodrigo?

Uh... My...

...housekeep.

You have a housekeeper?

What is this, Twenty Questions?

Hey, Marilyn, what are you doing here?

What is this? You know, you two ask more questions than the Border Patrol.

Okay.

Hey, what are you watching?

Just some stupid videos.

One has a competition to see who can stay underwater the longest.

So far, the longest has been five minutes.

- Five minutes underwater? - That's impossible.

No, it's not.

Uh, yeah, it is.

I mean, unless you have a scuba tank on your head.

I could do it.

Lindsey, you almost drowned in a puddle.

Tell you what. If I could stay underwater for five minutes,

you give me all my money back, plus 10.

And if you can't?

I'll give you another 20.

Hmm. You just like losing money, huh? All right, deal.

So, where are we gonna find a pool?

Pool? Who needs a pool?

I said I can stay underwater for five minutes.

Yeah. Um...

I didn't say where the water was.

Be back down here in five minutes with my money.

You know, baby, uh...

Did you ever check that message?

Um...

I can't, for the life of me, figure out what I said.

How much longer are you gonna keep this up?

Keep what up?

This whole "check your messages" routine?

You checked your messages when you got home.

You checked your messages during dinner,

after dinner, while we were watching TV.

Well, people call me, all right? I need to find out what they want.

If you were anymore obvious, I'd promote you to captain.

I know you fake pocket-dialed me.

I did not fake pocket-dial you, sweetie.

Really? So you left me an eight-minute message that you cannot remember?

Like I said, if I did, maybe that's why I left you a message.

I was pretty busy today.

Oh, so you know that you left me a message today.

I don't know if I did or if I didn't.

Nick, I'm not falling for it.

You have never left me a message longer than five seconds in your life.

"Hey, it's me, call me back." Click.

You hate leaving messages.

Well, maybe this one was important.

Really? Okay, so if you had a railroad spike in your neck,

you'd say, "Hey, it's me.

"I have a railroad spike in my neck. Call me back." Click.

So, you knew this whole time?

Well, not at first. But if you let it sit for a minute,

I might have fallen for it.

Yeah, well, whatever.

Hey. Hey.

If it matters,

I've thought about what's happened,

and I understand how you feel.

About what?

Gigi's my best friend,

and I'm gonna confide in her about stuff.

But maybe there are some things that I should just keep between us.

Thank you.

I appreciate that.

I'm sorry.

So, you think...

Maybe you can make it up to me?

Yes.

And you're not gonna tell?

Uh...

Nope.

But you might.

Ooh, let me get my phone.

Can we do number 48?

Number 48 through 52.

Oh, my God, I better go stretch.

Hey, Dad, you want to make a bet?

What is it?

We bet you a whole month's allowance

that you can't eat a teaspoon of cinnamon.

Did you poison it?

No.

Did you put pepper in it?

No.

Did Kevin stick it in his...

No! What kind of person do you guys think I am?

Dad, if you can eat a teaspoon of cinnamon,

you don't have to pay us our allowance for a month. But if you can't do it,

we get double our allowance this month.

But if I win,

it's just like you said, plus $20 from each of you.

It's all my money anyway.

Deal.

Deal.

Great. This spoon right here?

Okay.

Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm.

Ahh. That's good.

What?

How did you do that?

Are you kidding?

Back when I played football,

they called me the Human Garbage Disposal.

I once ate some pudding mixed with anchovies,

moldy bread, and stale cheese.

Gross!

How much money did you win?

Money? I was just hungry.

Mmm. Mmm.

Now, go get my money.

Hey, babe. Hey, good morning.

Good morning.

Uh, who you calling?

Oh, nobody.

I didn't listen to your fake pocket-dial. I got to hear this.

Oh, baby, you don't have to do that.

Why not?

Oh, it's old. I already told you everything...

Oh, is it because you don't want me to hear

that you told your friends I once wore the same panties

two days in a row?

I was mad when I said that, baby.

I know you were mad when you said

that my breath is so funky,

it could play the bass.

I was exaggerating.

You were exaggerating when you said,

"How could such a big smell

"come out of such a little body?"

But you smell good now.

I smell really good now, but what about my legs?

Aren't they so hairy, they look like legwarmers?

Huh, Nick?