Original subtitles

There she is.

Is that sparkling cider?

Mmm, that's right, baby.

Just a little something to celebrate tonight.

Hello.

Ooh, poppin' bottles.

Okay, here are the papers. Thank you.

What are we celebrating?

We aren't celebrating anything, all right?

My baby and I are about to do something

that we haven't done in a very...

Long time. Long time.

Ew. Okay, so I'm gonna finish this up, and get up out of here.

Gigi, not that, okay? We do that.

We are going to see...

Saturday! Saturday!

Oh, that new Chris Tucker movie?

Oh! That's exciting.

"And you know this, man."

Okay, y'all taking the kids?

No, Saturday is rated R.

So? When I was their age, I saw rated R movies.

But your parents didn't take you to see them.

Listen, Saturdayis one of the biggest comedies.

You're not gonna take your kids,

and they're gonna feel left out.

Says who? You? The woman with no kids?

Excuse me. Whatever, Nick.

Okay, what was the first rated R movie you saw?

Uh, Porky's.

Figures. What was yours?

Purple Rain.Mmm. Oh, mine too!

Okay, wait. Do you remember

when Prince was in the basement with Apollonia?

Ooh!

Ooh!

What are you ooh-ing about?

Apollonia was in that movie, too.

Anyway, why are you concerned

about whether we take the kids to see this movie?

I don't know. I just feel like you guys saw rated R movies when you were their age,

and it's just a little hypocritical.

No. Hypocritical would be if our parents allowed us

to see rated R movies,

and we didn't allow our kids to see them.

But since they said no, we say no.

Well, if you ask me...

Well, nobody's asking you, sweetie.

All right?

"And you know this, man!"

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Popcorn refill bags? Check.

Soda and cups? Check.

Chocolate-covered raisins? Check.

Ha-ha-ha.

Chocolate-covered kids not allowed to see Saturday?

Check.

Baby, you get that, I'll get this.

So, you guys ready?

To see the Panda Code? Sure.

I mean, it's not Saturday, but I guess seeing any movie

is better than not seeing the movie

that everybody that you know is going to see.

So, when they all ask you, "Did you see the movie,"

at least you can say you saw something,

just not the movie that they all saw.

Exactly.

Kevin, since when are you a Chris Tucker fan?

I'm not. I just want to see Kevin Hart.

Oh, my gosh, he is so funny.

He did this thing on BET, The House husbands, so funny.

Okay, Mom, listen. I know you don't want us to see this movie,

but I mean, hey, let's face the facts, okay?

You know we're gonna watch this movie on cable when you're not home,

so why not just take us to see the movie now?

Because I don't want to be the parent in the theater

that everyone is looking at and talking about.

"Can you believe she brought her children to see this nasty movie?"

You don't know those people.

Plus, even if Kevin can't see it, how come I can't?

In two years, I'll be able to see it all by myself.

Okay, well, in two years, you have my permission to see it.

It's rated R, that means you have to be 17.

Not if you're accompanied by a guardian or an adult.

All right, well, as your adult guardian,

I feel that you two

aren't mature enough to see this movie.

Okay, and as long as you're living under my roof,

we will be a family that obeys the laws and follows the rules.

Do I make myself clear?

Yes, Ma'am.

Good.

Now, hide these jujubugs in my purse.

Can't believe this. We can't go to the movie.

What? Why?

You know that WNBA superstar?

No.Well, neither does anyone else.

Everybody's gonna know her now

because, apparently, she tweeted a picture of her junk to a referee.

Gross.

Top junk or bottom junk?

Kevin.

What? I'm 13, okay? I know what junk is, people.

All right, so what now?

Well, we got a bag packed.

I hate to see it go to waste.

Why don't you take the kids to go see the Panda Code,

and we'll go see Saturdaytomorrow? Okay.

Or since you guys already have the tickets,

how about me and Mom go see Saturday,

and you and Kevin can stay here and not see it?

Oh, man, that idea sucks.

It's either Panda Code or stay home.

Fine.

I know it's fine.

What, what? You didn't understand me? What?

"You didn't understand the words

"that was coming out of my mouth?"

Y'all ain't seeing jack.

They don't know nothing about that, baby.

Did you get them? No, sorry.

I knew Saturday would be sold out,

but who would have thought that Panda Codewould be sold out, too?

I don't know, every eight-year-old on Earth.

Well, I have work to do tomorrow,

but I'll see if Marilyn can take you.

Yippee. It's Friday night.

I can't go out and see the movie I want to see,

and I can't even go out and see the movie I don't want to see.

Now I'm just stuck at home.

Can this night get any worse?

Oh, a Nick Cannon movie marathon. Awesome.

Worse, meet Lindsey. Lindsey, meet worse.

Even Money...

Even Money? What's that about?

Three strangers who are addicted to gambling,

including a novelist losing her family savings,

a magician, and a mechanic jeopardizing his brother's dreams,

come together as their lives fall apart

in the week leading up to a college basketball game.

Ooh, that sounds really good.

Who does Nick Cannon play?

Godfrey Snow.

Jujubug?

How does this thing work again?

Okay, you pick your movie, swipe your card,

and the tickets come out. Pretty cool, right?

If that's all it takes to entertain you, why are we seeing a movie?

Movies last longer.

So, uh, what are you guys supposed to see?

You don't know? Why would I know what movie you want to see?

Because Mom told you?

Do you really think I was listening to her?

Pick a movie or play with the machine or something 'cause I am ready to sit down.

Saturday?

Okay, what's that about?

Just some stupid...

Dumb. Comedy.Corny. Completely a wreck.

Hey, fine, works for me.

I'll do it. MARILYN: Good.

Oh, and while you're in there,

get me a ticket to see the Panda Code.

It looks really interesting.

Are you serious?

Hey, I didn't judge your movie, don't judge mine.

Okay, this one's yours.

Thanks. Here you go.

That's for me.

So anyway, I will be in theater three.

Now, meet me back here in two hours, and try not to get snatched.

Yes! This is awesome.

Babe, why do we need hand warmers?

To heat up the nachos.

Oh. So, how's the, uh, scandal unfolding?

Oh, it just keeps getting crazier and crazier.

First she claimed her Twitter account got hacked.

Then two more referees came forward with pictures.

No.Yeah.

One in Seattle, and the other all the way in Delaware.

They have the Internet in Delaware?

Yep. And get this,

she tweeted a pic to a boy who was in high school.

Ooh!

"Ooh" is right. And finally she admitted

that her account didn't get hacked,

and that she had been doing this for over a year.

What's her name again? Lagina Box.

Okay. So, let's get out of here.

Yeah. Saturday, here we come.

Whoo! Ha-ha!

What? Hey.

Oh, God, Suzanne, I'm so glad I caught you

because this is horrible. And I'm not talking

just some plain old horrible, semi-horrible,

but Condition Red, DEFCON One, grade-A horrible.

Gigi. What?

What is horrible?

Okay, you know the Marburger baby shower?

Yeah.

And the Woods bachelorette party?

Yeah.

Well, a diaper cake just showed up

at the bachelorette party.

So?

So?

Oh! Oh, my God! This is horrible!

Yes. How much time do we have?

Thirty minutes.Okay.

What? Oh, no, see,

the diaper cake showed up at the bachelorette party,

which means that, any moment, a man is going to pop out

of a cake swinging his junk at a baby shower.

Well, it ain't like she never saw junk before.

She is pregnant.

That is not funny.

It's a little bit funny.

Nick.

Oh, I know. We'll reschedule.

Okay, thank you. I got to grab a couple of things.

I'll be back in five minutes. Okay, hurry up.

Okay.

There goes my night. Mine, too.

I mean, I was at home,

feet up, hot bowl of popcorn on my lap,

all set to watch Nick Cannon in Ball Don't Lie.

Ball Don't Lie? What's that about?

Well, Ball Don't Lie takes place over one day in the life of Sticky,

a 17-year-old basketball prodigy,

who, burdened with emotional scars from an early-life tragedy,

a callous foster care system,

an obsessive compulsive personality disorder,

always manages to transcend his limitations

whenever he has a ball in his hand.

Ball Don't Lie.

Ooh, that sounds good.Mm-hmm.

Who does Nick Cannon play? Mico.

I'm gonna go see if I can find that.

Suzanne, hurry up!

Remember the part where he was like,

"Pass me them napkins, man?"

Shh!

Man, I had no idea Chris Tucker was that funny.

I mean, I saw some of his other movies,

but I thought he was just okay.

He's almost as funny as Kevin Hart.

I know. Oh, remember that part where he got stuck in the elevator

with the big white lady, and he was like,

"What you mean you ain't got no snacks in your purse?

"You ain't get that big without snacking on something.

"You know you got Twizzler in that purse."

That was so funny, and her face? She was like... Ahh!

What's so funny?

Nothing. Just laughing about the Panda Code.

Aw, see there. All that complaining.

A good movie is a good movie. It has nothing to do with age.

Why don't you guys go start your chores?

Your dad and I are going out.

Okay. Thank you.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, Dad.

So?

Well, I got good news and bad news.

Ugh. Give me the bad news first.

It's sold out.

Again? I would have thought

that the crowd would have died down by now.

Me too, but this thing just keeps getting more popular.

Even church people are like,

"I got to see this movie.

"The Lord will understand. Ha!

"Devil, you made it rated R,

"but Chris Tucker is a star.

"I paid my tithes, but you heard my cries."

Okay, okay, okay.

"Saturday, huh, down from the sky."

All right, Nick, Nick, what about tomorrow?

I can't. I have this press conference.

Lagina Box announces her retirement tomorrow.

They have tickets on Tuesday.

Okay, so get those. We'll go on Tuesday.

Cool.

Oh, wait, okay, so that was the bad news.

What's the good news?

Oh, I almost forgot.

The Killing Room is about to come on.

With Nick Cannon? Yeah.

What's that about again?

Four individuals sign up for a psychological research study,

only to discover

that they are now part of a brutal

classified government program.

Ooh, that sounds good. Who does Nick Cannon play?

Paul Brodie. I'll get the jujubugs.

Amen.

When Chris Tucker comes up out of the subway, and he says,

"When did Harlem get all these whack peoples,"

I howled, Jennifer. I howled. Howled.

What about when he went to Starbucks?

"$8 for a cup of coffee?"

"What you put in it, liquor?"

Guys, um, would you mind not talking about the movie?

I haven't seen it yet.

You've got to be kidding me.

How could you not see this movie?

"What, are you allergic to being relevant, man?"

You know? I didn't do it in my voice.

I did it in Chris Tucker's voice.

And we're back in three, two...

And welcome back. I'm Jennifer Ming.

And before we get to that massacre in Malaysia,

how about we check in to sports with the only guy in Seattle

that didn't see Saturdaythis weekend,

Nick Kingston-Persons.

Thanks, Jennifer. Okay.

Hi.

If I hear one more person

talk about how amazing this movie is,

I'm going to scream.

Oh, I thought you guys were going yesterday.

Yeah, I thought so, too.

Do you have the bullet points ready for our 11:00?

No, we don't need them. They canceled.

Great!

You know, can one thing I plan work out?

I hope so, since you're an event planner.

That's not funny. It was a little funny.

Come on, okay, so what now?

Nothing. I'm just gonna sit here until our 3:00 shows up,

so I don't have to hear one more thing about Saturday.

Or instead of sitting here,

I mean, we could be sitting at the movie theater.

Instead of hearing other people talk about

how great this movie is,

we could be talking about how great this movie is,

getting on other people's nerves who haven't yet seen it.

Everybody's seen it. Except us.

Gigi. Yeah?

I can't see it with you.

I promised Nick I would see it with him.

So? See it with me and then see it with him.

Suzanne, come on, you act like you haven't done anything twice.

I mean, you had kids twice. You got married twice, you...

Okay. Are you done?

Depends. Are we going?

Yes. Good! Okay, good.

'Cause you know I was running out of things you did twice.

Except that one time... Hey, that was one time!

Hey! Well, well.Fellas.

Look who it is, the only man on the planet

waiting to see Saturdayon DVD.

How do you miss

the don't-miss-movie of the year, man?

It's Chris Tucker. Back on the big screen, man.

Dude, don't do that. That's kind of not our thing.

I'm married, all right? That's how I missed it.

Me and Suzanne were supposed to see it,

but, you know, stuff kept happening.

What kept happening, man?

Look, I'm married. I saw the movie.

How did you pull that off?

I told the wifey I had to go with Mike to get his car fixed.

On our way to the shop, we stopped off at the theater.

And she believed you?

Who cares? The point is, I saw the movie and you didn't.

Yeah, we seen it, man, and you didn't.

You haven't been home yet, have you?

Nope.

Why don't you just go see the movie?

By the time you and Suzanne see it together,

they're gonna find a cure for cancer, AIDS, and Stedman Cannon syndrome.

What's that?

That's where a guy is so whipped by his woman,

that he can't do anything without her permission.

You whipped, man. You whipped. You are whipped.

Listen, listen. I told her I was gonna wait to see Saturdaywith her,

and that is what I'm gonna do.

Now, look, I would appreciate it if you guys would not

talk about the movie until I leave.

Really?

Why do you got to say the "N" word all the time for, man? Why?

Can't you go somewhere else?

How about a movie theater that's showing Saturday?

Go see Saturday, man. What's up?

You know, I'll go if you stop talking like that.

Come on, man.

Whoo, man!

Finally! Oh, my God, Chris Tucker is crazy.

Ooh, when he was at the toll booth.

"6.50? I'm trying to cross the bridge, not build one."

And when he was in the back of the cab watching TV. Oh...

"Don't nobody want to watch this, man."

Wait. When did you see that?

Uh, what?

You were in the bathroom during that part.

I was? Yes.

Oh, man. Oh, right. No, see,

I went by Martin's, uh, yesterday,

and, uh, all the guys were talking about it.

Malcolm said it's so good,

it was like I saw it.

Remember the ferry? Oh!

"Speed this boat up, man."

Oh, what, you saw a clip or something?

Huh?

No, I mean, right before it happened, you said, "Hey, look at this.

"Watch this. This part is good."

Oh! No.

See, everybody at work was talking about that part.

Yeah.

That movie is funny. Remember when he was like...

Hilarious. I know...

Ma, what are you doing here?

For the record, I want you both to know your kids lied to me.

Lied about what?

Kevin, Lindsey, come down here, please.

Saturday.

What?

When I bought the tickets for them to see Saturday,

they told me it was just a dumb kid's movie.

Marilyn, I told you to take them to see Panda Code.

Did you really think I was listening to you?

Sit down.

Look, all I'm saying is, I saw the movie,

and I don't want you to think I'm in cahoots with them.

That movie is just plain nasty.

It's funny, but nasty, man.

Marilyn, granted, they shouldn't have tricked you,

but it wasn't that bad.

Did you stay for the part after the end credits?

Oh, yeah, that was nasty. MARILYN: Hmm.

Oh, man, there was a part after the end credits?

You're in enough trouble already.

It wasn't me, it was her.

You agreed to it.

If it was such a bad idea, why didn't you say something?

'Cause I didn't think we'd get caught. What?

Hey! Ma...

You saw the Charlie Sheen scene?

Wait, how did you know Charlie Sheen was in it?

You saw that movie without me!

Is this what y'all do? Y'all just sit around and lie to each other?

Well, have at it.

I got to get home. I got to see Day of the Dead.

It has that guy in it from America's Got Talent.

Nick Cannon? Yeah, I like him.

Oh, wait, what is Day of the Deadabout?

When a small Colorado town is overrun by the flesh-hungry dead,

a small group of survivors try to escape in a last-ditch effort to stay alive.

Who does Nick Cannon play?

He plays Salazar.

Ooh, that sounds good.

Where are you going?

Man.

I'm sorry.

You should be.

Wait, wait. This is the part where you suppose to say,

"I'm sorry too," and then we kiss and make up.

Sorry for what?

You did the same thing I did.

No, I didn't.

You lied to me. I didn't lie to me.

You're not sorry for lying to me?

I haven't decided yet.Suzanne.

Okay, I'm sorry. Thank you.

I'm sorry I saw Saturday before you did.

You know what, you're not funny.

I'm a little funny.

Yeah, you got me, you got me.

Okay, but, Nick,

for the record, I want you to know

that this is the one and only time that I have ever seen

a movie without you since we've been together.

Oh, that's nice, baby.

Hey. This is the part where you're supposed to say, "Me too."

"Me too" what?

Nick, you've seen other movies without me?

I don't know. That was a long time ago.

If you don't know if you've done it or not,

then how do you know how long ago it was?

Nick, you ain't asleep.

Nick. Wake up.

Oh, you're such a phony.

I can't believe you.