Original subtitles

Uh-uh.

Kevin, why did you pile up your plate full of food

if you weren't going to eat it?

'Cause I was really hungry.

Then why didn't you finish it?

'Cause I wasn't as hungry as I thought,

You too, Lindsey? I'm full.

But if you want, I can sit back down and eat the rest of this,

and the rest of all the other food that you ever give me.

Then I'll get fat, then I'll get depressed,

then I'll get teased,

I'll lose all my self-esteem, my grades will suffer, I'll flunk out,

but you know what, at least at the end of the day,

when I come home overweight, stupid and sad,

you'll be able to know one thing.

That I'll finish my plate.

So, what's it gonna be, Mom?

Do you want me to throw away my plate or the rest of my life?

Just because you have a point,

doesn't mean you can't come up missing.

You, too?

What?

Nick, there's half a plate of food left there.

I wasn't done.

I was just taking a break.

Now, I'm done.

Okay, Nick, I'm serious.

Do you know how many nights I sit here

and watch you guys throw away half your dinner?

You're right. Guys, all right,

what your mother is trying to say

is that the food we leave...

That is... When you don't eat,

you...

Food is a metaphor for...

What exactly are you trying to say?

What I'm trying to say is eat all of your food.

Do you know that Americans throw away enough food every year

to feed 200 million adults?

Maybe your mother is right.

Maybe we eat too much.

Buy too much stuff.

Just because we can get something,

that doesn't mean we need it.

Oh, honey, by the way,

what's in that box? Oh, this?

This right here? Oh!

This? This is my new

Matsui OS 3200 deluxe massage chair.

Nick, a massage chair?

After all the stuff you said about "we need to do better"

and "just because we can get stuff doesn't mean that we need it,"

you got a massage chair?

No.

I got it before I said all that stuff.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Man, I love me some maple oatmeal.

It's like pouring syrup on a cookie.

Oh, Dad, I got first dibs on first ride

in the massage chair.

Hey, hey, hey.

You do not ride in a massage chair.

You sit and it gives you a massage.

And how can you call dibs on my chair?

I can't call dibs on my stuff.

Hold up.

Lindsey. Hmm?

What did we talk about last night?

We were talking about that thing

about me getting overweight and depressed.

No, the thing about you taking more than you need.

Here it is, less than 24 hours later,

and you're already wasting more food.

What do I need to do to get you to understand this?

Mom, what you need to do

is call second dibs on the massage chair.

I mean, you'll be so relaxed,

it won't even matter.

Kevin.

What? I wasn't riding.

Baby, listen, I got this. All right?

You know, I don't think you guys realize how fortunate you are.

Maybe it's time you started giving back.

Great. Here, Dad.

That's not what I'm talking about.

Listen, you know what, today after school,

I want you guys to do some research. All right.

You gotta find a charity or worthwhile cause to donate to,

with your own money.

Our own money?

Yes. And it will make you feel great.

And in the process, you'll be helping others.

Dad, you said these people needed food, not money.

Can't I just give them my eggs?

No.My sausage?

Uh-uh. My toast?

I'mma choke you.

Hey, Dad.

Here.

Um, what's that?

It's our list of good causes.

Oh, good.

Ah, let's take a look.

All right. "Adopt a whale."

Ooh, this one's really cool.

You go to Hawaii and wait for a baby humpback whale to be born.

Then you get to name it

and they, like, even give you a dog tag with its name on it.

$2,000?Mm-hmm.

You can adopt me for $2,000.

Next. Dad, check this one out.

"Save the Big-leaf Mahogany."

What's that?

That is awesome. Okay, look.

I get to live in the jungle for five years,

stop ecoterrorism, and they cover all the expenses.

And here's the best part.

I get a machete, man!

Oh, hold on.

Here. Sign here. I leave in three days.

Kevin, the idea was to send money.

Not you.

But the machete's included.

All right. Uh...

"Save the green-cheeked parrot."

Save 'em from what?

They're fourth on the near-extinction list.

They posted a video on YouTube.

Who did? The parrot?

Help!

There's only three of us left. We need some money.

Polly wanna live.

I thought that was funny.

Okay, let's go to the next one.

"The Kwandanegaba Children's Fund?"

Now, this sounds interesting.

Oh, that one's all right.

It's just a fund for kids who live in Kwandanegaba.

Yup. For less than the price of a cup of coffee,

we can adopt an African child.

Yeah, and the downside is

we have to do it over the Internet.

Oh, this sounds good.

Guys, you know what?

Congratulations, you guys are now the proud parents

of a child from the Kwandanegaba Children's Fund.

Oh, Kevin, look.

We just got an email from the Kwandanegaba Children's Fund.

Really? Yeah.

Open it up.

"Dear Lindsey and Kevin,

"thank you for your support of the Kwandanegaba Children's Fund.

"My name is Nitutu.

"I live in Kwandanegaba with many children and my goat, Mugu.

"Now that you are my adopted parents,

"I'll exchange messages with you

"and keep you up to date on my progress.

"Please send a photo for me.

"I look forward to hearing from you.

"Yours truly, Nitutu."

Oh, look, he's so cute.

That's it? A picture and a note?

What did you think they were gonna give us?

More than a picture and a note.

You didn't actually think that they were gonna send us a kid, did you?

They gave Brad Pitt one.

You know what? I really hope I'm still alive

when they find a cure for whatever you have.

Now, come on, we really have to take a picture.

Okay, you ready? Yes.

Got it.

Maybe we should just send one of me.

I mean, the goat might see your face, and be like, "Mama,"

and get all confused. Shut up.

Hey, what you guys got going on there?

We just got a letter from our African child.

His name is Nitutu.

Wow. Okay. That was fast.

So, are you guys excited?

I guess.

What's wrong, man?

He's upset because he thought

that they were gonna send us an actual kid.

Kevin, what did you think was gonna happen?

I mean, that the doorbell would ring,

and there'd be a little African kid standing there?

It's Nitutu!

Nitutu!

Oh, man, I thought you were a little African kid.

I get that a lot.

Hey, man. All right, so you got me here.

Where's this amazing chair?

Right here.Hmm.

It's a Matsui OS 3200 deluxe massage chair.

Nice. I got one of these.

I know. That's why I called.

You know how to put this together, right?

As a matter of fact, I do.

You need help, I'm your man.

Well, I was thinking a little less, "Can you help,"

and a little more, "Can you do it?"

I'll do it tomorrow then.

Whoa, whoa, wait. Why can't you do it now?

Ask me tomorrow and I still won't have an answer.

Hey. What is that?

You know, I was about to ask myself that same question.

You sure you put this together right?

Well, I'm not sure I put it together right,

but I do know that I put it together for free.

So...

Awesome!

A video gaming chair.

This is not a video gaming chair.

Listen, Dad, if you didn't want me to use your gaming chair,

you should have just said so.

Okay? You don't have to choke people.

Man, I don't get this.

I don't even know what this is.

What are you doing?

This great app on my phone, all you do is take a photo of something,

it'll tell you what it is, where to buy it, and how much it costs.

According to this, you have purchased

the Matsui OS 3200 deluxe masseuse chair

from Too Much Stock.

Masseuse chair?

I ordered the massage chair.

Now, I have to send this stupid thing back?

They're probably not going to take it.

Why not?

They got too much stock.

Hey, Martin. Hey, Dad.Hey.

Kevin, look, we got another email from Nitutu.

We did? Yeah.

Sorry, Ni-who-tu?

Nitutu. He's our African kid.

Oh, the one you thought was at the door yesterday?

Yeah.Mm-hmm.

How's he doing? Not so good.

He was feeding Mugu... Mugu?

His goat, man.

Yeah. He was feeding him,

and Mugu got startled and kicked him in the face,

and then he fell down and broke his arm.

And then Mugu ran away.

So now, Nitutu has a black eye, broken arms,

and the village doesn't have a goat.

Gee, that sounds awful.

Right?

But Nitutu says,

"If you can send me $25,

"it will cover a doctor's visit,

"a cast for my arm,

"and a new goat."

Look, I thought we were supposed to be able to

take care of him for less than the price of a cup of coffee.

Dad, we adopted him. He's our responsibility.

Boy was kicked in the face by a goat, Nick.

Fine, all right? I'll take care of it

as soon as I get done with this.

Th-this is so cool!

I didn't know they made texting stools.

Um, yes, I ordered

a Matsui OS 3200 deluxe massage chair,

and I was sent a Matsui OS 3200 deluxe masseuse chair.

All right? I want to return the masseuse chair

and get the massage chair.

But I didn't order a masseuse chair.

I ordered a massage chair.

But we have too much stock...

I know you have too much stock.

Told you.

Well, what am I supposed to do with this chair you sent me?

Oh, you know, that's very funny.

All right? Say that in English. Huh?

No, look, look, will you please

just send me the massage chair I ordered?

Thank you.

Da.

Dad, check this out.

Yeah, Nitutu got a new goat.

What?

The other goat just ran away earlier today.

Yeah, but when he found out we were sending him money,

he was able to get one on credit.

They've got credit in Kwandanegaba?

Yeah. And it's a good thing, too.

Nitutu just found out he has a bruised retina

from where Mugu kicked him in the face.

Yeah, and instead of putting his arm in a cast,

they had to put it in a sling,

so he'd get a deposit on an eye patch.

What are we supposed to do about that?

Send him $50 for vaccinations for the new goat.

Fifty dollars?

A whole goat costs less than $25.

This doesn't sound right.

Is Kwandanegaba a village or a city?

A village. Spell it.

K-W-A-N... Um...

Then "negaba."

Guys.

There's no such place as Kwandanegaba.

There has to be.

They-they have a children's fund.

Well, that's true.

But it's not in Africa.

Where is it? Downtown.

They sell goats downtown?

Uh...

Uh, excuse me. Is this the Kwandanegaba Children's...

Yes.

Good morning!

Good morning. Good morning.

Zee, hurry up or we're not gonna make this meeting.

Oh! I forgot about that.

Gigi, how can you throw that away?

'Cause I didn't want anymore.

Gigi, do you realize for the price of that pastry,

you can feed an African child?

Well, I didn't want an African child,

I wanted a pastry.

Gigi, there are people in Africa who could have used that.

Okay, what was that?

The kids adopted an African boy

from the Kwandanegaba Children's Fund.

Oh, that's sweet.

See, now I feel bad.

Well, I would love to say don't,

but I came down on them pretty hard for being wasteful.

Now, I'm not your mother,

but if you can give something back,

there's no reason you shouldn't.

You know what? You're right.

I'm gonna adopt a kid, too.

So, where do I get them? On the Internet.

See, that's why I love the Internet.

You can buy anything.

Shoes, purses, trips, kids.

Oh. Uh, babe, we have to run to this meeting.

Can you get that for me? Okay, I got you.

Thank you. Bye, Nick.

Nick Kingston-Persons? Yes.

Delivery from Too Much Stock. Great!

Finally got my massage chair.

Sign here.

How are you doing today? Great.

That's good.

All right, hey, you can bring it right on in here, man.

This is your package. This?

I don't have all day.

Why are you talking to me...

Why you got attitude, man?

Have a nice day.Hey.

Hey. Hey, babe.

Listen.

All right, so, I was thinking

since everybody did a great job this week,

and nobody wasted any food,

and the kids were awesome with Nitutu,

I thought that we could take them out to dinner tonight

as a treat.

Oh, that is a great idea, honey.

Except for one thing.

What's that? You can't go.

Why not?

Well, you have to finish your breakfast

before I am paying for your dinner.

Kevin, I'll give you ten bucks to eat this.

Twenty.Fifteen.

Deal.

Hey, Nick.

Gigi, what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong.

I went on that website to buy two of those kids, Reza and Nigomba...

You mean "adopted." Right.

Well, when they sent a picture of my kids... Look.

What the... That's what I said.

What's wrong?

She adopted us?