Original subtitles

Mmm-mmm, I love your oven-fried chicken, baby.

Aw, well, I'm making it special for Kevin, since it's his birthday week.

Hey, Mom. What are you doing here?

Oh, honey. When I heard

that Suzanne was cooking fried chicken, I had to come right over.

Marilyn, I didn't know you liked my fried chicken.

I don't. That's why I came right over,

in case somebody needs a ride to the hospital.

It's work. Excuse me.Okay.

Oh, Marilyn, guess what?

I'm making the cake for Kevin's birthday.

Really? LINDSEY: Mmm-hmm.

Have you ever made a birthday cake before?

No, but mom bought me cake mix and frosting and everything.

Cake mix? Oh, no, no.

You are not using a mix to bake a cake for Kevin's 15th...

13th.13th birthday.

Well, what else am I supposed to make it out of?

Honey! Flour, eggs, sugar, butter, and more butter.

I don't know how to do that. I know.

That's why I'm gonna show you how.

We will make our first practice cake tomorrow.

Well, what am I supposed to do with all this mix?

Save it for your mother's birthday.

Hey, guys.Hey.

Hey.

Guys, you are not gonna believe this.

What? Every night this week,

I'm gonna be co-hosting

the Seattle Sports Report with Brick Street.

Oh! Oh, honey!

Yay! That is amazing!

What I can't believe is, a man's mother named him Brick.

Dad, maybe if you're really good,

they'll make you a regular co-host, like on that show.

With that guy and the other guy.

Oh, honey, maybe you'll be so great

that they'll change the name of the show to the Seattle Sports Report

with Brick and Nick.

I'm with that! I'm with that.

And then they can add another guy named Rick.

And then they'd be like,

"Welcome to the Seattle Sports Report

"with Nick and Brick and Rick.

"This week's highlights are sick.

"Let's give them quick, Brick?" "Thanks Nick."

"We sure do click. This week's competition was thick."

"I didn't know who to pick. You, Nick?" "No, Rick."

"You, Brick?" "No, Nick."

"Let's see who got licked." Huh?

Yeah, so... That chicken's gonna be finger-lickin' good.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Hey, birthday boy.

Hey.Hey. Is that your list for the party?

Yeah. Oh, let me see it.

All right, so we have Eddie, Chase,

Solomon, Jaime, Owen...

No girls?

Well, Troy and I decided to have a Catastrophic 2 party at his house.

I mean, it'll be fun. Girls aren't into that stuff.

A video game party?

Lame!

Focus.

Kevin,

I was thinking that your birthday should be a little more special,

you know, something with a DJ,

dancing, girls.

No video games?

May I? Okay.

Kevin,

this is your 13th birthday party.

It's supposed to be extra special.

This is when you cross from your pre-teen years

into your teen years,

when you get your first kiss,

your first mildly expensive pair of earrings,

a crush on a girl you're never gonna get.

Gigi, you're not making sense.

All right, Kevin, the point is,

when you're 14, you're gonna look back on your 13th birthday

and wish that you had done something else,

something better,

something that celebrates becoming a teenager.

Well, why can't I do that next year and this this year?

Because next year you'll be 14,

and 14 isn't 13.

I don't know anybody who remembers their 14th birthday.

I do.

But that's because it was bad.

Okay, Kevin, you want to make this night special and memorable.

And if you don't, that will be catastrophic.

Yeah. Okay.

All right! Whoo-hoo!

All right, you're not gonna be sorry.

That's what she said about her fried chicken.

Focus.

Hey.

What's up, Brick Street?

And you are?

Um, Nick Kingston-Persons.

I'm usually gone by the time you come in,

so we've never actually met.

Well, that's why I said, "And you are?"

Right.

Well, I just want to say that

I'm really looking forward to co-hosting the show.

Do you know what "Co" means?

It means "Cooperate."

You're not cooperating with the show.

You're cooperating with the host.

Get that? I'm the host.

That's right.

You are no more cooperating with the show than a copilot

is cooperating with the plane.

He's cooperating with the other pilot.

Hey, guess what happens when copilots don't cooperate with the pilot?

Planes go down.

Are you trying to take down the show, Nick?

No, no. I was just trying to say hello. That's...

Well, if you were trying to say hello, then why didn't you just use the word "Hello"?

It's a greeting, Nick.

"I'm co-hosting the show" is a phrase.

You know the difference between a word and a phrase,

Nick?

Phrase contains words.

Okay?

Words contain letters.

Letters create sounds.

And it sounds

like you're trying to take down my show, Nick.

What? You want to work with me,

you're gonna have to pay more attention to the words you choose.

I'm sorry. You're right.

I'm also correct.

Thank you.

Anything else?

I'm sure there will be.

Man, I can't believe your mom is making you have a dance party for your birthday.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, she said if I don't, I won't remember it.

I just hate that we can't have our video game party.

Says who?

Just because your mom is forcing you into a dance, dance revolution,

doesn't mean I can't still have a Catastrophic 2 party.

What? You'd have the party without me?

You're more than welcome to come.

Well, if all the guys are gonna be at your party,

who's gonna come to my party?

All the girls.

What kind of dude wants to have a party with a bunch of girls?

Jamie Foxx.

So, you watch that game last night?

I don't watch sports.

I'm not joking.

So, how do you know what you're reporting?

I don't.

I don't. I don't clog my brain with that nonsense, friend.

Everything I need, right in front of me.

Teleprompter,

right there. They write it.

I read it. Nobody gets hurt.

And three, two...

Good evening, this is the Seattle Sports Report. I'm Brick Street,

and I'm here with my special co-host for the week,

Nick Kingston-Persons. Nick?

Brick. Well, it was a busy day on the diamond

where the Angels hammered the Mariners at home.

Are you kidding me?

Yeah, that's right, Brick.

In the last two games against the Mariners,

the Angels have had over 60 extra base hits...

Wait. Wait a second.

Did you say 60?

Oops,

my bad. I read that wrong.

I meant 16.

Well, I guess you did. I'm not a mathematician,

but 60 extra base hits, that would be a lot for two games,

even for Barry Bonds.

Good one, Brick.

Well, while Nick works on enunciating a few of the other tricky words coming up,

let's take a look at the play of the game.

Hey, there he is,

the Seattle Sports Report's Nick Kingston-Persons.

All right.

Thanks, everybody.

Is something wrong, honey?

It was my first day on the show,

and I was fumbling lines left and right.

You didn't see that? I did.

Honey, you were still great.

Tell that to Brick.

He was killing me.

He was.

Honey, you guys had banter.

No, no, that wasn't banter.

I mean, I know banter.

I mean, who has that? Regis and Kelly have banter.

Whoopi and Joy have banter.

Matt and Al Roker have banter. That wasn't banter.

I mean, Brick Street was whipping your...

Gigi! Sorry.

She's got a point. I mean, Brick really was kicking your...

Martin!

What? Every time he'd flub a line,

Brick was on him like glitter after a bachelor party.

That's funny.

You got a little glitter on you.

Oh, you were bad, boo.

It's stuck.

Did you remember to grease the pan?

Which pan?

The one you put the cake in.

Oh...

You mean this one?

Oh, Lord, help you.

Are you sure we can't just use the mix?

No.

Every woman should know how to bake a cake from scratch.

Uh, isn't that a little sexist?

You know who says that?

Lonely women who can't bake.

Come on, we got to do it again.

Hey, Mom.

Hey. Oh, Mom. I was wondering, for my birthday party

can we have deep-fried Kool-Aid balls?

That actually sounds pretty cool.

No, we cannot have fried Kool-Aid balls.

Okay, well, can we have chicken chili cheese pizza?

What is wrong with you, man?

What do you kids do, you just throw darts at food,

and whatever it hits, that's the meal?

Ooh, we should do that.

Kevin, how about we just have regular pizza?

You don't want to go too crazy.

You can do your chicken cheese Kool-Aid thing some other time.

And I ironed one of your dress shirts for the party.

What the huh?

I'm kidding.

But I did polish your sneakers.

Mom.

Joking.

But I did put a crease in your shorts.

Okay, mom, I get it. You're joking.

Not the shorts.

Hey, uh, sorry about yesterday.

But don't worry. Today,

I'm gonna be all over it.

I'm sure you will be.

Hey, can we get my prompter turned on please?

Um, so what's up first?

Oh. 60 Seconds with Metta World Peace.

Metta World Peace?

In the flesh.

Hey, I'm Nick... Metta World Peace.

Brick Street, big fan, big fan. Thank you so much.

You know how this works, right?

Are you kidding me? 60 Seconds with Brick Street?

I only grew up watching it as a kid.

Great. So, Nick and I will ask you as many questions as we can,

60 seconds. And then that will be it.

We're on in ten, guys.

Great.

Don't be too hard on me now.

Hey, don't worry Metta World Peace.

Or should I say, "The Artist formerly known as Ron Artest"?

No, you shouldn't.

Okay.Sorry.

We're on in three, two...

Welcome back, everyone. Now it's time for a segment all of you know

60 Seconds with Brick Street.

All right, let's get this started.

Okay, let's start the clock. Some people are saying

the Lakers are done. What do you say to that?

I don't think we're done. I think we're just beginning.

We're gonna have a great off season, and we're gonna be just fine.

Yeah, and if you weren't playing basketball, what do you think you'd be doing?

Probably be a boxer, or a record producer,

or maybe a record producing boxer.

That way you could assure yourself some hits. Some hits.

Don't mind him.

This past season you won the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award.

What do you attribute that to?

Well, for one, uh, I stopped drinking alcohol during games.

Are you serious?

Um, you were saying?

And I attribute it to my therapist also.

Oh, that's right. That's why you raffled off your championship ring.

Yeah, that's right.

I raised money and awareness for mental health issues.

Fantastic.

Metta... You love cars.

What kind of car do you own?

I have a big black Escalade,

and an open wheel red Indy sports car.

Police always give me tickets.

Oh, I can't imagine why.

All right, it looks like we have time for one more.

What do you say you take this one, Nick?

Oh, thank you.

Tell us about your...

That's too bad.

And so ends another segment of 60 Seconds with Brick Street

and the Artist formerly known as Ron Artest,

Metta World Peace.

That's a good one. BRICK: All right.

That's a good one. Thank you.

I don't know what to tell you.

That dude Brick was cutting you off like rib tips in Memphis.

Why didn't you say something?

Well, what am I supposed to say?

I'm on his show.

Yeah, but you can't just let him take shots at you

like you're the backboard at an all white guy pickup game.

Obviously, the guy feels threatened.

What? What's he, like, 70?

He's 50-something. Yeah, same thing.

I mean, here you are, young, slick, cool.

You're on his show. All of a sudden, you're co-hosting.

You're like his Kara DioGuardi.

That woman from American Idol?

Yeah. Remember Paula Abdul?

She thought she was sitting pretty.

Then all of a sudden, this new girl comes in.

All of a sudden, she's ripping off her clothes.

Before you know it, they're both out of a gig.

How is that good for me?

It doesn't matter. All he knows is, it's bad for him.

What you should do is what I do when an old guy tries to pull rank on me.

What? Just pat him on the head and smile.

Old people hate that.

Boy, it's such a shame the week is almost over.

Is there a reason you don't like me, Brick?

Who told you I don't like you?

You can admit it. Oh, I admit it.

I was just wondering who told you.

Look, man.

If you're worried about it, I'm not here to take your show.

I'm here to do a job.

You?

That is absurd.

You think I'd be worried about them replacing me with you.

See, I don't get to use the word preposterous, Nick,

but that, my friend, is preposterous.

I mean, literally, that's utter nonsense.

I mean its hogwash. It's hokum. Frankly, it's a whole lot of malarkey.

I don't suppose you get to use those words much either,

seeing that it's not 1968.

And, uh, what exactly would you be trying to say with that remark?

Nothing, man.

Just, you do your job, and I'll do mine.

Thanks for the advice.

Very helpful.

As long as I can remember how to read, I think I'll be fine.

But I can't say as much for you.

We're on in ten, nine...

Would you get my prompter up, please?

Six, five... I need my prompter.

Two...

Hello, everybody. I'm Brick Street.

And I'm Nick Kingston-Persons.

And this is...

The Seattle Sports Report.

Thank you.

Looks like we're having a little problem with the teleprompter.

Hopefully we'll get that up and running in a second.

Mmm, it doesn't look like it.

No, it does not.

Looks like they're having as much trouble with your prompter

as the Cubs are having with everybody they play.

Okay, well, I guess words can't describe it.

Yes, they can.

Against the Dodgers they choked.

Against the Giants they sucked.

Against the Mets they collapsed,

and against the Phillies they imploded.

I could think of some other words, but I'm gonna save those

to talk about your prompter guy.

That's a good one, Nick.

You want to watch those clips? I do.

That's a great idea.

Let's watch the clips. Let's do that.

Hey, baby.

Ooh!

Did you see me? Oh, honey, I saw you.

Was I good? Words cannot describe it.

Try.

You were awesome!

Babe, if they don't keep you on that show,

then it is, it is their loss.

I don't think that's gonna happen.

How come?

Well, let's just say Brick and I don't gel.

I'm sorry. It's all right.

But you were great. Thank you, baby.

You're welcome.

Ugh. Well, if you two are through licking each other's faces,

we have a cake in the oven.

Let's see.

Ooh, fluffy.

Definitely not burnt.

And it smells wonderful.

I think we have a winner.

Yes! I got to go get my phone. We have to take a picture of this.

Okay, you do that.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with this one.

We got two cakes?

Well, I wasn't sure how hers would turn out, so I made a backup.

Marilyn,

I know that you're really evil.

But every now and then you surprise me.

Surprise!

Ma, you're gonna throw away a perfectly good cake?

Well, if you want, we can keep it and destroy your daughter's self-esteem.

Hey! There's the birthday boy.

Hey. What's wrong, man?

I was just at Troy's, and everybody was playing Catastrophic 2.

I just wasn't ready to leave.

Well, what can I say?

I know how to throw a party.

Well, Kevin, maybe all of your friends will want to come over here.

What for? To dance with a bunch of girls?

Not quite.

How about we go into the living room and find out?

Can I look now? No.

Can I look now? No.

Can I look now?

Surprise!

It's your own Catastrophic 2 party!

No way! Are you serious?

Yes. No way! Are you serious?

Yes. No way! Are you serious?

Damn, boy, she's serious.

This is awesome. It's just like I wanted.

I'd like to think I had a little something to do with this.

This is awesome.

Wait, there's more.

There's more? SUZANNE: Mmm-hmm.

Gosh, I've got nine chicken chili cheese pizzas. Get out of my way.

We're having chicken chili cheese pizzas?

Yes, and I think that you should go upstairs and change.

I put a T-shirt and shorts on your bed.

Yes!

Thanks, Mom. Hit it!

♪ Go Kevin Catastrophic 2

♪ Go Kevin Go Kevin

♪ It's my birthday

Great.

It was a good job yesterday.

That's it?

Good?

The best word Brick Street can come up with

to describe my spectacularly impossible display

of extemporaneous commentary is "Good"?

Uh, look,

are you sure you're Brick Street?

'Cause what you're doing right now is not only embarrassing,

it's unfathomable.

It's incredulous.

It's deplorable.

It's abysmal,

and downright horrendous.

Look, man, I don't know who you are.

But you need to take off that Scooby-Doo Brick Street mask,

and quit messing up his good name.

All right.

All right.

I'm a pompous megalomaniacal ass.

Yeah.

In the words of the streets, I was hating the player

when in fact I should have been hating the game. Okay?

It's my bad.

Well, thanks for the shot.

Just so you know though,

the guys upstairs are pretty impressed with you.

You're getting bumped up.

To what?

Morning Sports anchor.

They wanted to put you on with me.

I said no.

Are you serious?

About the anchor thing, yes.

Oh, Brick! Hey, man!

Hey, hey, ow, ow, ow.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I got to call my wife.

Brick, this is stupendous.

Did you really bake this, Lindsey?

Yes.

See, there's a thin line between love and hate,

and on that line is cake. I'm glad you like it.

Let's take a look at last night's scores

with our newest member of the KAWT morning team...

Here he comes.

Nick Kingston-Persons with Morning Sports.

Thanks, Jill. Here are the scores from last night.

I'm Nick Kingston-Persons, back to you, Jill.

Wow, that was...

Short.

This is some good cake.