Original subtitles

Hey, Jackie, come on in.

Hi, Nick. Hi, Suzanne.Hi.

I'd like you to meet the Noblacks.

This is Tom, Kelly, Quentin and Julie.

Pleasure, pleasure.

You know, Troy and I leave for our cruise to Alaska tomorrow,

and the Noblacks are house-sitting for me.

Oh, how nice.

Wow, that's an interesting name. How do you spell it?

N-O-B-L-A-C-K.

"No-blacks"?"Nah-blach."

Embarrassed.

Oh, you wouldn't believe how many people do that.

You should have seen the look on your face.

Um, you know... Kevin, Lindsey!

We actually have kids around you guys' age.

Oh, how nice.

Honey. Yeah?

We brought you this box of wine.

Oh, wow.

A box of wine. Look, honey.

Wow, thank you.

Oh, here you go, babe.

Uh, Kevin and Lindsey, this is Quentin and Julie.

The "No-blacks.""Nah-blach."

Hey.Hey.

Hey.Hey.

Hey.Hey.

Hey.Hey.

Well, welcome to the neighborhood.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

You know,

I know those people have only been house-sitting for a day,

but they're already on my list.

The Noblacks? Yes, the Noblacks.

What happened? Argh, they parked in our driveway.

You know what, I'm gonna go talk to them.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, baby.

Before you go gettin' all black mamba on them,

just give 'em a chance.

What does Kobe Bryant have to do with this?

Kobe Bryant?

Black Mamba?

Oh, no, no. I was talking about the movie Kill Bill,

you know, Vivica Fox, remember?

No, but baby,

Vivica Fox played Copperhead in the movie Kill Bill.

Then who was Black Mamba?

That was Uma Thurman.

No, I thought Uma Thurman was...

No, no, no, see, Vivica said

she should have been Black Mamba in the movie, 'cause she's black.

Hmm.

Okay, you know what, look, look, look,

if you go down there and read them the riot act,

things are just gonna be awkward from here on out.

So? I can do awkward.

Baby, what is with all this food?

I invited them to dinner.

Nick! What? I was being nice.

Why? They're not.

They are not not being nice, all right?

They made a mistake.

Let's talk about it at dinner.

Kill 'em with kindness, baby.

Fine.

But if kindness doesn't work, can we just kill 'em?

Nick, Suzanne,

this is just great.

Just being good neighbors. Right, honey?

Yep.

So, um, how do you guys know Jackie?

We work together.

Well, you used to.

Yeah, until I got laid off.

Oh, man, I'm sorry.

Yeah, me, too.

Of course, Jackie got to keep her job.

Now, she's on a cruise,

and we're just squatting around town like a bunch of gypsies.

Que sera.

Hey, man, pop that box. NICK: Yeah.

You know, um,

we don't usually drink wine out of a box.

Well, neither did we till the economy collapsed.

Hey, man, shake that up.

Harder. Come on, put some muscle in it.

Yeah. That's how I like it.

Box? No, thank you.

I could get another flavor if you want.

I don't like juice boxes.

I do. Can I have it?

Thanks. I do, too.

Oh, here. I'll get another one.

So, what are you watching?

The Vampire Diaries.

I love that show, you know,

all those vampires writing in their diaries.

Mmm-hmm.

So, Julie, you want to play some video games?

Do you have Super Crash Cousins?

Uh, yeah.

So, Lindsey,

since I'll be next door, maybe I could come over sometime.

You're over now.

It's over now. And losing my job

wasn't even the worst of it.

We had a house fire last year.

Lost everything.

Wow, that's terrible. What happened?

Well, we were trying to cut expenses.

So, captain save-a-buck here decides...

we don't need to buy new batteries for the smoke detector.

I thought I could hard wire the smoke detectors

to our electrical panel.

Of course. Long story short,

you know, I guess I got a couple of wires crossed,

and the next thing you know, the house is burning

like an Irish guy on the beach in Mexico.

Man. Glad nobody got hurt.

Yeah, we were lucky.

I just grew my eyebrows back.

Well, uh,

Jackie and Troy are almost like family,

so if you ever need anything, just ask.

Oh, speaking of... Are you around tomorrow afternoon?

Yeah, why?

Would you mind picking up Julie from soccer practice?

Baby, don't you have that thing tomorrow?

Oh, yeah, I got this thing.

What time?

What time is that thing?

Um, at 4:00.

Great.

Uh, 4:30.

Even better.

She's out maybe, like, 5:30.

Jackie said you guys are great.

And they are.

Aren't they?

Hey, guys.

Hey. Something wrong?

We're having a little get-together.

Right now? It's 11:30.

And time to get dirty.

We got the Jacuzzi going. We'll be out there if you want to come through.

Bathing suits optional.

Boyka, Boyka, what do you say, boss? What do you say, now?

I'm telling you, Gigi, these people

do not understand boundaries.

They weren't at our house five minutes,

and they already invited themselves over for a drink.

And this man will not button up his shirt.

Well, that's nothing compared to my old neighbors

at my old apartment.

What happened? Okay.

Every morning, 5:00 a.m.,

I get up, put on my boxercising DVD.

And not ten minutes into it,

the guy downstairs from me

starts banging on the ceiling with his broom handle.

And just to, you know, block out the sound, I turn up the music.

And my neighbors start banging on the walls,

and I'm like, "Shut up! I'm trying to work out!"

And this happened for, what, every day for a week.

And then what happened?

They signed a petition and got me out.

Hey!

Kelly, what are you doing here?

I thought I'd swing by and see if maybe you'd like to have lunch together.

Oh, who might this be?

Oh, this is Gigi, my assistant.

This is Kelly, the woman who's house-sitting for Jackie.

Oh, Kelly! Hi, Kelly! Yes, hi.

You know what? You've got to tell me where you get those

great boxes of wine.

Absolutely.

Kelly, uh, how did you know where I worked?

Oh, we got some of your mail today,

so I just followed my little nose to the return address,

and here I am.

Wow,

you must be quite the little mover-and-shaker.

Well, you know Suzanne,

whenever she moves, things just shake.

You know what, Suzanne,

let me ask you something.

What with Tom losing his job,

you know, and the fire and everything,

do you think maybe you could get him on here?

Uh, you know, Kelly, I can't really say.

Why don't you let me take you out to lunch, and we'll talk about it?

Um, you know, Kelly, I'm sorry.

I can't go out to lunch today.

We can eat in.

Can you get us some menus?

Okay, try this.

What is that, a girly drink?

See, I'm trying to get more women in this place.

And the thing is, I need to make drinks they like,

whether or not a guy is buying it for them.

That is why I give you, "The Committer."

Seriously?

Yeah, don't you see the ring around the rim?

It's all right.Hmm.

So, what's up with you and Tom?

The guy doesn't know where the line is.

What's that one called?

This one is "The Return Call."

Try that bad boy.

Mmm, that's not bad.

Did he really ask you to do a naked Jacuzzi?

I just met the guy. I mean, who does that?

To be perfectly honest, I do. I was there.

What? Yeah, see, I came by your house

to drop off your Rambo DVDs, and he was in the driveway.

So, we got to chatting, and I called a friend of mine.

Crack open a box of wine, and before we know it, we're naked in the Jacuzzi.

That's a little freaky, man.

You know, it really wasn't.

The guy is just really comfortable being naked.

Very white.

No, I'm gonna stick with very freaky.

Ooh, watch the wizard at 5 o'clock.

Okay.

Oh, there's the portal. We can make it.

Yes!

That was nice.Yeah.

Hey, guys. We're home.

Hey, Mom.

Hi, honey.

You know, Kelly,

as great as it was having you at the office all day,

um, I need to start getting dinner ready for the family.

What are you making? Maybe we'll stay.

Uh, I'm not sure yet.

Are you, um, allergic to anything?

Yeah. Like?

Shellfish, mango, strawberries,

pecans, coconut.

Oh, see, we're having grilled shrimp

with a mango-pecan glaze

and strawberry-coconut pie.

Oh, man.Yeah.

Maybe next time.

Okay.Okay.

Well, let's go.

See you, Kevin. All right, on the fire stage.

On the fire stage.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, God.

Mom, since when do we have strawberry-coconut pie?

Yes?

Could I come in? Nope.

I just wanted to give you this.

What is it? A gift.

It's the best of Vampires Coffin collection.

It's got season one of Vampire Diaries,

season two of Buffy the Vampire Slayer,

all of Twilight, Interview with a Vampire,

Lost Boys, and, of course, Vampire in Brooklyn.

Why'd you do this?

Look, I like you, and I thought maybe I could win you over by giving you stuff.

My dad said girls like it.

Is it working? No.

I don't want you to try to win me over by giving me stuff.

No, keep it.

Maybe I could wear you down.

Sorry, but I don't think so.

I guess I'm going to have to get you more stuff.

Do not go anywhere.

I won't.

I live here.

Honey, what is that?

Box of coffee.

We don't need a box of coffee.

I'm just gonna tell these people what needs to be told,

and it's just gonna be however it is.

Hey. Come on in.

Oh, Tom, look.

Somebody's trying to bite our style.

Well, what do we have there?

Regular. French roast.

Well, hoh, hoh, hoh.

I have a little decaf hazelnut,

if you like a little flavor.

Thanks for stopping by.

Oh, sure, sure.

How was dinner? I heard you laid out quite a spread.

Yeah, well, we would have had you guys over,

except it would have killed Kelly.

Guys, there are a few things we need to talk to you about.

Well,

I hope it's not serious.

Tres serieux?

No, it's not serious, serious.

Oh, okay. But the parking in our driveway,

and the late-night parties,

and the favors...

It's just a little too much, you know?

And we're starting to feel like you guys are...

We're what?

Annoying.

It's annoying.

Are you calling us annoying?

Yes, very. And we wish you would stop it.

Well, let me tell you something,

little Miss High-and-Mighty.

Oh, sweetie, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, yes.

No, yes. She needs to hear this.

Oh, Lord.

Annoying?

How about you are annoying.

Okay?

I mean, at least we have been trying.

Maybe we are a little out of practice,

you know, being good neighbors,

because our house burned down.

And we haven't had a driveway in a year.

And my husband here is out of a job.

What does that have to do with being annoying?

Well, why don't you tell me?

All right, forget it. Let's go.

We are out of here, Tom.

Tom! Let's go.

Well, can't I have a cup of coffee?

Brought you a peace offering.

Thanks.

Can we talk?

Come on in.

Boxweiser beer?

Oh, that's good stuff.

Well, don't just sit there. Pop that box.

Thank you. Uh, should I shake it up first?

I wouldn't.

So, uh,

Suzanne and Kelly yesterday, huh? Hoo!

If you had that on pay-per-view, cha-ching.

Maybe.

Nick,

you ever had a bad day,

and that day turn into a bad year?

No.

Not yet, at least.

Well, that's kind of what it's been like for us.

You know, so, I'm sorry if we

come off the wrong way.

It's usually not like this.

It'll turn around, man.

I hope so. Cheers.

Hey, are you going to be here for a minute?

I guess, why?

Well, Jackie's cable is out, and the guy's supposed to swing by,

but I have to go by the house, well, you know, what's left of it,

and talk to the contractor. Cover me?

Sure.

Great. When's he coming?

Uh, he shouldn't be but a minute.

You know, I wouldn't have asked,

but it looks like you're just sitting, knocking back cold ones.

So, I thought you wouldn't mind.

Back in a flash.

Adios, muchacho.

What are you doing?

I'm fighting fire with fire.

You want to annoy me, I'm gonna annoy you.

See, I parked the car in front of Jackie's driveway,

so the "No-blacks" can't pull in.

"Nah-blachs."

Ooh, look, here comes Tom.

Ha-ha! He don't know what to do.

Yeah, see, that's what happens when you mess with Suzanne.

Uh-huh. What, what?

Uh, baby, let me talk to you for a minute.

Oh, here he comes, here he comes. Get in, get in, quick!

Hey, Tom.Hey.

Uh, little thing,

the wiz-ife, she parked in our driveway.

What?

I'm sorry, did I box you out?

Oh, oh, no worries,

but if you could just

pull up a little, that would be really great.

Hey, uh, Tom. Yeah?

I was over at the house for about six hours, man.

The cable company never showed.

Oh, man, I knew I forgot something.

They called and rescheduled.

Sorry, buddy.

Sorry?

I wasted a whole day!

I know! I hate that!

Those cable people are out of control.

Well, anyway, you all can just let me know when back that thing up.

Kelly's coming, and things have been a little tight.

I don't want you to set that off again.

That's not gonna set it off.

I'm gonna set it off.

So, wait, tell me why we're doing this again.

These people just don't get it.

We tried to be nice, but nothing seems to work.

So, now, we're gonna give them a taste of their own medicine.

How long is this gonna take?

Could be minutes. Could be days.

Oh, you guys, here it comes, here it comes.

♪ There ain't no...

♪ Party like a Nick and Suzanne Kingston-Persons party

♪ 'cause a Nick and Suzanne-Persons party don't stop

♪ What! Ain't no party like a... ♪

Nick! Nick!

Hey, Tom.

We're just having an impromptu get-together.

Oo-ooh!

Look, man,

could you keep it down?

I have an early morning tomorrow, and I really need to get some sleep.

Oh, you have an early morning tomorrow?

Oh, well you better get some earplugs,

'cause we might be going all night.

Look, and feel free to bring the wiz-ife.

♪ Ain't no party like a Nick and Suzanne Kingston-Persons party

♪ 'cause a Nick and Suzanne-Persons party don't stop ♪

What!

Well, I hope you all are happy.

About what?

Thanks to your little arty last night,

Tom overslept,

and was late for his first job interview in six months.

And, not only have you turned my son into a thief,

you've turned my daughter into a liar.

What's going on?

Oh, as if you don't know.

Quentin was arrested yesterday

for shoplifting DVDs for her.

What?

I didn't tell that boy to steal nothing for me.

And this one has been so busy playing video games with your son,

she failed two quizzes this week.

Maybe she's just not that smart.

Fortunately,

for you,

Jackie is coming home today,

and we can be free of this little nightmare.

Oh, "we can be free"?

Baby! Baby, you won't believe what happened.

Did you get the job?

No. But get this,

the building I had an interview in had a gas leak,

and five minutes before I get there,

the place explodes.

Nick,

if it hadn't been for you keeping me up all last night,

they'd be cleaning me up off the sidewalk.

Thanks, man.

I mean,

don't get me wrong,

I'm sad for all those people that got blown up.

But I'm glad I wasn't one of them.

Well, maybe this is a sign that things are finally starting to turn around for you guys.

Kelly, Kelly. Oh, Tom,

Tom, there you are.

Jackie, when did you get here?

Just now.

And I got great news.

Tom, you know Mr. Mullen, the guy who fired you?

Turns out he's been stealing money from the company for over a year.

They fired him, and they're hiring you back.

What? Yes.

Oh, my God! That is fantastic!

We have to go break open a box of bubbly.

After the year we've had,

this is a reason to celebrate.

Come on, baby.

I'm coming back for you.

Whatever.

I can't believe you.

Kelly's told me how horrible you've been to their whole family this week.

We've been horrible to them?

Well, I'm glad you have the decency to admit it.

You couldn't have just been nice to them for one week?

They're black!

"Blach!"