Original subtitles

How would you kids like to earn some extra money?

You do realize we don't have any money.

Yeah, so technically it's just money, not extra.

Fine, how would you like to stay broke?

Sorry.

What do we have to do? I just talked to my mother.

Her neighbor's daughter is out of town,

and she needs somebody to look after her father.

Is he, like, sick or something?

He's old.

Oh, so we have to, like, walk him and feed him, right?

He's not a dog. You don't have to walk him.

But you might have to feed him, all right?

Now, she said mostly he likes to just sit around and watch TV.

Oh, how much do we get paid?

That depends on how good a job you do.

It could be up to $200.

But if he dies, you get nothin'.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Nick, I was looking for you.

Here I am.

That's why I said "Was."

It implies that I was no longer looking for you because I found you.

What about this don't you get, Nick?

No, I get it. What's goin' on?

Well, I want to introduce you to the new field reporter.

Where is he? She.

Oh, here she comes.

Bubi,

this is Nick Kingston-Persons.

Mmm, nice to meet you.

I bet it is.

I love it. Don't you just love that?

This is why we brought Bubi in.

I mean, she's a solid reporter,

but this girl is not afraid to bring a little eye candy to the table.

Eye candy?

Yeah, I mean, you know, you're a great reporter also,

but if I have to watch somebody at 6:00 in the morning...

You know what I mean?

Wait. Wait. You're putting her on in the mornings?

Yeah, mornings, afternoons, overnight, whatever, you know?

Please, show her the ropes.

Yeah, okay.

So, uh, Bubi.

How do you spell that? B-O-O...

No. B-U-B-I.

So, is that your real name?

Well, no. My real name is Margaret.

Okay...

When I was a kid, I couldn't say "movie," so I said, "Bubi,"

and it stuck.

Okay, Bubi.

You know, I hate to tell you this,

but this gig is no joke, you know?

But there's a lot of potential.

If you work really hard, something good will come your way. Give it time.

Bubi, I'm glad you're still here.

Mmm-hmm.

Listen, the Yankees are coming to town next week.

I'm thinkin' you could have a sit-down with Jeter and A-Rod.

Sure. A-Rod?

Yeah, A-Rod. Third-baser for the Yankees.

Maybe you heard of him? Yikes.

I have a very solid segment for you, too.

Now, this is very important.

This kid got hit by a car last year.

Now, he's getting out of rehab,

and he's gonna throw out the first pitch.

At the Yankees-Mariners game?

No, at the C-Tech little league all-star game.

We're gonna have you roll him out to the mound.

He's dead. No money. Let's go.

Hey, hey, stop that. He's not dead.

Mr. Watson?

Oh, well.

I thought I was knocking on heaven's door,

but I did not know heaven was knocking on my door.

I'm Tommy. Who are you?

Hi, Tommy. I'm Suzanne.

Well, come on in, Suzanne.Okay.

I don't know no Suzanne,

but it don't mean that we can't get to know each other.

Who are they?

Oh, uh, Tommy, these are my children.

That's Kevin, and this is Lindsey.

Wait a minute. You trying to say those are my kids?

If so, you can march your butt

right back out the door the way you came in.

You might be pretty, but I ain't stupid.

No, no, no, Tommy.

That's not what I'm trying to say.

Marilyn, you know Marilyn?

Marilyn, big, sexy.

Yes, yes. Well, she's my mother-in-law.

And she's out of town, and these are her grandchildren,

and they're here to help you out.

Well, look at that.

She look like a tiny Nefertiti.

And look at you, little man.

Look like Barack Obama's ventriloquist dummy.

Well, is it all right, Tommy, if I leave them here for a couple of hours?

Sure, make sure you're back at 7:00.

If you're not, they're gonna be waiting for you outside in the hallway.

No problem.Okay.

All right, bye, guys.

You know, Ms. Redbone,

can I ask a favor of you? Yeah.

You remind me of my first wife, Barbara,

God rest her soul. You look just like her.

I do? Aw.Yes.

Just like I'm standing in front of my wife.

Thank you.

I don't want to make you uncomfortable,

but would you give me a hug before you go?

I'm an old man, and I haven't been touched by an angel in a long time.

Of course, sure.

Aw, thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay, all right.

Okay, all right. Bye, guys.

Remember, 7:00, and bring that money.

Okay, so what we gonna do?

I have Yahtzee, dominoes.

You kids ever played with a pistol before?

So, they really gave her the A-Rod interview on her first day?

Yeah, every guy in the place is just falling all over this woman.

Well, Nick, maybe they just wanted to throw her

right into the mix to see how she does.

They didn't throw me right in the mix.

I know why she got that interview.

Why?

Because she is what her name says she is.

Just because a woman is attractive doesn't mean she's not qualified.

I'm just sayin' I don't think they care.

Mariners had a big game today.

Our own Bubi McGee sat down with A-Rod.

Everybody knows a lot about A-Rod the Yankee.

Today, I sat down with A-Rod, the man.

Holy...

Are you kidding me? Is that even a shirt?

Who's Johnny Mathis?

Only the greatest singer who ever picked up a microphone.

That boy could sing.

♪ Mmm, Johnny Mathis could sing

♪ Such beautiful love songs

♪ He could sing and girls would cry all day ♪

Okay, Mr. Watson. Huh?

Okay, is this guy better than Usher?

I'ma usher your little butt out of here

if you keep asking those stupid questions.

What you doin' here, anyway? Where's your mama?

She brought us over here to watch you. Don't you remember yesterday?

I remember yesterday. Do I look like a fool?

'Cause I ain't no fool. Not a fool, got it.

Are you hungry?

Am I eatin' something?

Sorry.

Sometimes I think you kids are smoking that wacky tobacky.

Gosh, you ask some of the dumbest questions.

Boy, go over and get my foot tub. I got to soak my feet.

Soak your feet? What for?

'Cause my feet hurt. Why you soak your feet?

I don't soak my feet.

Well, good for you and your feet.

When you get my age, your feet gonna hurt.

So, I tell you what you do.

We gonna get some hot water put in there,

a cup of Tide, some Bab-O,

and a tablespoon of bleach.

Hey, man. Where can I find the field reporters?

What are you doing here?

I'm watching the news this morning,

and I happen to notice that you are not on.

But there is this woman...

Oh, here we go.

Hey! Don't you understand what a big deal this is?

A hot woman who loves sports, like, as in it's her job?

You have to introduce me.

Why?

Because here she comes, and I will tell her what you said about her.

I didn't say anything about her.

She doesn't know that.

Oh, my God, you should have been there last night.

Oh, really?

A-Rod was amazing. After the interview, we went and hung out.

Great guy.

Yeah, I bet.

Uh, Bubi, Martin. Martin, Bubi.

I've never met a Martin I didn't like.

Well, that is quite a coincidence,

'cause I have never met a Bubi that I didn't like.

Bubi, a few of us have gotten together,

and the guys decided we're gonna throw you a little welcome party.

Oh, that's great.

Yeah, tonight at No-Hitters.

That's a baseball term, Nick.

Maybe you should stop by. You might pick up a few things.

You should come by too, Martin.

I think I should.

I hate to break up this little party, you know,

but don't you have someplace to be? Like over there?

I do. And now I'm gonna go there.

He is so gorgeous.

Martin?

I love gay guys.

So, how were things at work today?

Baby.

I don't know how this is gonna work.

This woman's got every guy in the building

twisted around her little finger.

Well, that's not what they're twisted around.

Well, get this. Martin wanted to meet her, right?

So, he pops up at the station,

he meets her, and she likes him.

What? But here's the kicker.

She thinks he's gay.

That's insane. What did he say when you told him?

I didn't. Man code.

Man code?

Man code, all right? Look, when a woman likes a guy,

no matter the reason, you do not get in the way.

Unless, of course, she's tryin' to kill him.

But she is not going to kill him.

Anyway, we're all meeting

down at No-Hitters for her welcome party.

They didn't give you a welcome party.

I don't think I'm going.

Oh, yes, you are.

I'm not going down there fighting for attention with her.

Shoot.

You know what?

It's clear who's got the advantage there.

Nick.

You've got big, bouncing pecs.

And, in my opinion, that is a lot more entertaining

than what she has.

You seriously want me to go down there?

Baby, this woman wants your job.

Don't hand it to her.

You should go upstairs, put on a tight t-shirt,

go down to that party, crack jokes, talk sports, pop-lock,

do whatever you got to do to let her know

it's not goin' down like that.

I am not pop-lockin' in a tight T-shirt.

Could you do it when you get home?

You like that?

I might.

Well, I'll go, then, for you.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, baby.

That's right.

Now, you show them why they hired you in the first place.

Now, you get down there, and you make that money.

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Hey, Nick.Hey.

Hey, good to see you, Nick.

All right, how you doin'?

Hey, we got a seat for you saved up all the way down there.

Is, you know...

Nah, these people are sittin' here.

I'll be right back, okay?

Okay.

Nick, this woman is incredible.

She's hot. She loves sports, beer.

Dances on tables.

Who knew Coyote Ugly was a documentary?

To Bubi!

She is into me like you would not believe.

Actually, I kind of don't.

How's that?

I'm just telling you this

because you probably need to know,

and I wouldn't want you to hear it from somebody else.

Please do not tell me that she's a dude.

Martin, she thinks you're gay.

Well, did you tell her I'm not?

No, sorry. No, no, no, thank you.

You're not gonna tell her?

Martin!

Hey!

Bubi, can I talk to you for a sec?

Sure, Nick.

Don't miss me too much, guys.

Whoo!

I thought you came here to work with me,

but clearly you came here to work without me.

Look, I don't pick my assignments, Nick.

Neither do I.

But I don't get 'em by dancing on a table.

Have you tried?

I take my job seriously.

So do I.

I have degrees in Communications and Journalism.

I tried getting ahead on my resume,

and what did it get me? Nothing.

So, I decided to use some other talents.

That's not the point.

But if you're trying to take my job,

you're gonna need more than your little friends.

I've never heard them referred to like that.

Say goodbye to my little friends.

There she is.

Good morning, my friend.

You want to explain that outfit?

Ah. This is Bubi-approved,

and I don't believe it needs further explanation.

You don't care what people say?

I mean, 'cause it's getting around, man.

Sweet, sweet Nicholas.

I thought I knew you better than this.

We are living in a society of morphing attitudes

toward sexuality,

and sometimes, for the right person,

you can be gay.

Think about Anne Heche.

She was gay for Ellen DeGeneres, then nobody else.

Consider me

the male Anne Heche.

Whatever floats your boat,

but look, understand

that your woman is going down.

Well, if she does go down,

I will be there to cushion her fall.

If she falls forward,

you won't need to cushion her fall.

Hey, can I borrow your copy of Rent?

I don't have a copy of Rent.

It's in my office.

In the DVD player.

Hey.

Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?

I don't have any assignments today.

They gave it to Bubi.

Are you serious?

Nick, what happened last night?

I told her I thought she was trying to get by on her looks.

I told her it wasn't goin' down like that

and if she was comin' after me, I was goin' after her.

You said that?

It was a little like that.

Baby, I believe in you,

and I know that you are not gonna let yourself

be taken out of the game by some chick wigglin' her butt.

Now, if nothing else, you go down there,

and you stay in her face.

Well, not in her face but, you know,

close enough to her face where she knows you're not playing around.

And if you can't find another way,

put some stolen office supplies in her car.

You would do that?

I'm not saying I would.

I'm not saying I wouldn't.

All I'm saying is, if stolen merchandise

is found in an employee's car, it does not look good.

Have you ever gotten a job you didn't deserve

because of the way you look?

Well, I've ended up with jobs I didn't want

because I didn't look good enough.

I was always afraid to use what I had to get what I want,

'cause then the guy might want to get what I use

'cause he gave me what I got.

What's this about? Nick.

I'm worried about him and this Bubi McGee.

I mean, how is he supposed to compete with all of that?

You know, if a guy came in here with a tight T-shirt

and bulging pecs...

Mmm, with some tight pants on and stubble

and his bicep out...

Hey, hey.

We wouldn't take him seriously.

S-sure.

But, anyway,

at the end of the day, we might not like it,

but the only reason she gets away with it

is because a man's in charge.

Now, if women were in charge,

that wouldn't happen.

Hey, Gigi.

Can you do me a favor and pick up

Kevin and Lindsey this afternoon for me? Sure.

Where are you going?

I'm going to use what I got to get what I want.

Oh! You go work it, girl.

Booyah! Give me some. Give me some. Give me some.

Get the door, young fella.

I don't want to ruin this moment.

Hey!

Hey, Gigi! Hello. Hi, Lindsey!

Oh, my God.

Oh, you must be the angel of death. Oh!

I'm just about to have a heart attack.

Oh, hi. Oh, my God.

I'm Gigi. I'm just here to pick up the kids.

Well, to hell with them.

They don't need you. I need you. Oh! Oh!

Do you know mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

I'm about to fall out.Oh. No! Don't do that.

Don't do that.

All right, you guys, go get your stuff. Go get your stuff, quickly.

Do you really have to go? I'm afraid so.

Can you drop 'em off and then come back?

I'm afraid not. Mmm-mmm.

You look kind of scared.Mmm-hmm.

You know, I have a pistol and two bullets.

You need a bodyguard?

No, that won't be necessary.

Okay, if you got to go, you got to go.

I have to, so...

But, Miss Gigi, would you do me a favor?

My poor wife, God rest her soul.Mmm-hmm.

You remind me of her. I do?

Yes. It's like I'm standing right in front of her.

Oh! Could you do something for me?

Could you give a old man a hug?

It's been a long time since I've been touched by an angel.

Oh, sure. Come here.

Oh. Oh, okay!

Mmm-mm. Yep. Mmm-hmm. Yep. Mmm-hmm.

Oh, okay!

I'll see you later.

And, kids, y'all just get your... I'm downstairs.

Well. See you later, Mr. Watson.

Thank you, sugar dumplings,

for looking in on me. I appreciate it.

Yeah, we had a good time.

Oh, and by the way, we saw a picture of your wife.

She didn't look like our mom, and she didn't look like Gigi.

She was Chinese.

Number one, ain't nobody asked you.

Number two, what you doin' in my business?

Number three, quit blockin'!

You little bad kids. You don't know me.

I'm an old player from 1962.

All the women, they called me Spoon!

'Cause I scooped 'em all up.

I am really sorry you got fired.

That's okay.

This isn't the first time it's happened.

Bubi, what's with the box?

I thought we were having lunch together.

I got fired, honey.

What? Why?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

We're still gonna hang out together, though, right?

Yes, of course.

I mean, look at you.

You look like Tim Gunn dressed you.

Who's Tim Gunn?

Oh, my God. You're straight, aren't you?

No.Liar.

Who hosted this year's Tony Awards?

Uh, Neil Patrick Harris.

Lady Gaga or Cher?

Cher, hello!

There's a movie about two friends who grew up together.

One became a mom.

One became a star.

What's the name of the movie, the star

and the song at the end of the movie?

Oh, that would be Bette Midler

singing "Glory of Love" in Beaches.

Exactly.

Yeah, so you're the lady that likes gay guys, right?

Why, are you gay?

Yes, yes, I am gay.

Yeah, I'll take your box.

Enjoy your life, straight boy.

Yeah, let's get out of here and have a pillow fight.

Suzanne!

Guess what. What?

This season, I'm covering Seahawks Training Camp.

Whoo!

Oh, honey. Yay! Congratulations!

That's wonderful.

But, um, what happened to Bubi?

You're not gonna believe this,

but she got fired.Perfect.

Uh, what? What happened?

You know something about this?

Nick, if I knew something about this,

would I say, "What? What happened?"

Come on, Suzanne, seriously.

So, I may have put in a call

to Mrs. Peterson

and told her

how much I love the new girl that her husband hired,

who he happens to hang out with after hours.

Suzanne, you didn't.

I didn't say anything that wasn't true.

Listen, us wives need to stick together.

It is us versus the single women.

They do whatever they have to to get ahead,

and they need to know that it's not always gonna work.

We have a few tricks of our own.

Wife code?

Wife code.

You women are evil.

Thank you, baby.

Anything for you, honey.

Mmm, since you did that for me,

I'm gonna do a little something for you. Ooh!

I'm gonna head upstairs, Mmm-hmm.

put on that tight T-shirt...

Ooh!

And pop-lock into bed... Ah!

and put on a copy of Rent.