Original subtitles

Hey! Hey! What are you doing?

I'm getting back in bed.

No, I just made the bed.

I'll remake it.

No, no, no. No, Nick, come on.

If you do it, then I'm just gonna have to redo it.

All right, if you're tired,

why don't you just go lay on the couch?

I'm not sleeping on every piece of furniture in the house.

I'm sleepin' on the bed. In the bedroom.

Which is for sleeping.

Look, I said I'd remake it.

All right? What's the big deal?

No! You... Nick! You do it wrong, okay?

Looks all right to me.

Well, it's... It's not, all right?

Look, I like the Euro pillows against the headboard

and the down pillows lined up with the shams directly in front of them,

and then the decorative pillow in the middle, tight corners,

and then the design on the spread

to go right down the center of the bed.

Yeah, I'll straighten this one out.

Oh. Look at that. Nick!

Oh, too late. Too late.

Ooh. Look at this, going right down the center.

Tight corners.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

I'm glad you got some rest.

Even if you did ruin my bed.

Honey, is that the same shirt you wore yesterday?

Yeah, why?

The answer is in the question.

It's the same shirt you had on yesterday.

You can't wear the same shirt two days in a row.

Yes, I can. I'm doing it right now.

I don't want you on TV today

wearing the same shirt you had on yesterday.

Suzanne, baby, it's just a shirt.

And I'm fine with it.

Why are you letting it bother you?

I don't worry about what you gonna wear to work.

Well, that's because nobody at my work

thinks that you picked out my clothes.

But if you go to work wearing the same shirt today

that you had on yesterday, everybody's gonna say,

"Now, why would Nick Kingston-Person's lazy wife

"let him wear the same shirt two days in a row?"

Or they might say, "Wow, Nick Kingston-Persons has two blue shirts.

"Man, he really likes blue. He wears it all the time."

Stop being a control freak.

I'm not being a control freak. It's the principle.

You're being silly. It's my shirt. I'm wearing it.

Fine. Wear your day-old shirt.

Good morning.Morning.

Hey.

What happened to all the grapes?

I just bought them yesterday.

I ate them. You gonna get some more?

Those grapes were supposed to last for at least three days.

Now, I've got to go buy some more.

Sorry, I didn't know the grapes had rules.

Can you sign this? What is that?

It's a consent form for my picture to appear in the newspaper and on the Web.

The neighborhood paper picked me as Citizen of the Week.

Oh, that's wonderful.Yeah.

How did you become Citizen of the Week?

Well, I found this old dude's wallet

when I was coming home from the store,

so I gave it to a police officer.

He took my name and address and told me he'd stopped by in a couple of days.

He said he thought I probably stole it and never expected to see me again.

But since he felt guilty for being racist,

he called the paper and asked them to make me Citizen of the Week.

Pretty cool, huh? Dad didn't tell you?

No. Well, congratulations.

Thanks. They're gonna take my picture on Thursday.

All right, well, I'll make sure to lay out something nice for you to wear.

Okay.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Lindsey.

Did you finish your essay for that internship?

Almost. It's supposed to be 1,000 words,

and so far I have... 497.

Okay, well, let me know when you're done 'cause I want to read it.

Read what?

Lindsey's application for her summer internship.

Oh, I didn't know you were applying for an internship.

Yeah, and I didn't know that Kevin was gonna be Citizen of the Week.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I'm sorry.

Sorry? That's it? Why wouldn't you tell me that?

You didn't tell me about Lindsey.

Well, that's different.

How? You're not mad.

Baby, you can't be mad about everything all the time.

Yes, I can. I shouldn't, but I can.

Morning. Ooh, good morning.

Okay, hold on, hold on. Close your eyes.

Ta-da! What do you think?

Add some yellow, maybe roll the blanket instead of folding it.

The bear is too brown.

What is this?

It's a pacifier mobile.No.

I thought it was a good idea. You've had better ones.

Wow.

Okay. Not what I was expecting.

Okay, well, we can't always get what we want.

Okay.

A light-skinned bear.

Add yellow.

Roll blanket.

What's going on?

Nothing.Something.

Because this basket, this basket is good, and you know it.

See, I'm not gonna change anything

until you tell me what's going on with you and your funky attitude.

Nick called me a control freak.Uh-huh.

Gigi. What?

Do you think I'm a control freak?

Well, I wouldn't call you freak.

I am not a control freak.

See, you're trying to control how I answer the question.

Okay, listen.

Everybody has a way that they like to do things,

and just because I like the people around me

to do things the way I want them done,

that doesn't make me a control freak.

That's precisely what makes you a control freak.

The freak part notwithstanding.

Oh, so now you're on his side.

Oh, so now you're trying to make me choose sides.

Don't try to control me, Suzanne.

Now... Okay, I get it.

Okay. Hold on. Close your eyes.

Ta-da!

I love it. It's perfect. Thank you.

Nick, what are you doing?

I'm sorry.

I just want to make sure I don't get in the bed before I'm supposed to.

Nick, stop it.

Stop what? No, look.

I just want to make sure that when I get into bed, I get it right.

Oh, baby, by the way,

do you mind taking my blue shirt to the cleaners?

I think it's dirty. I wore it all day.

So, tomorrow, I'm gonna wear a different shirt.

Fine, I'm sorry.

I don't mean to be a control freak.

I just like what I like.

That's okay, baby.

No, it's not okay.

You called me a control freak.

You must have a reason. So... let's hear it.

Well, you do control most of the things around here.

I mean, you chose our bank.

You decide where we shop, where we go to the movies.

You picked our toothpaste.

What's wrong with our toothpaste?

It's too foamy.

It's not too foamy, Nick.

Oh, see, there you go.

You know what, you treat your opinions as facts,

but when I have an opinion, it's just an opinion.

You get on me about how I make the bed.

Why are all these pillows here? What are they for?

I mean, there's enough pillows on here

to cushion a fall from a ten-story building.

Okay, they look nice.

Look at this room, babe. Look at it.

What in here did I choose? Huh?

Not the bedspread.

Not the sheets. Not the dressers.

Not that metal leaf thing over the bed. What is that?

Okay, so I get it, all right?

You hate the room.

I don't hate it.

You know, but the only thing I chose in here was you.

So, what do you want me to do about it?

I'm just saying, you know,

I would like to make a decision from time to time

without you nitpicking it to death

until it's just the way you like it.

So, now I nitpick?

Fine, the next time you make a decision,

I won't complain, I won't nitpick.

I will accept it, and we will be happy.

Baby, no, look,

I don't want you to act happy and you're not happy.

I just want you to hear me out.

I heard you out. I'm a control freak.

And now we're gonna do things your way. You happy?

Baby.

Nick. Hey.

One second.

Okay.

Bam!

What is this?

This is your new bedroom.

That's right, Suzanne.

Your husband decided to make the bedroom look how he always wanted.

And it's full of stunning features.

Soft lighting.

Soft satin sheets.

And not seven, but two.

That's right, Suzanne. Two pillows.

One for each person.

And that's not all.

I took down that ugly leaf thing

and got you a brand new piece of artwork

to put above your bed.

You got rid of my ironwork?

Yes, I did.

And replaced it with this.

It's called The Lovers.

That's right, Suzanne, The Lovers.

An original oil painting originally worth $250.

Yours for just $49.95.

Installation included.

This, Suzanne, is your new bedroom.

Wow.

Well, it definitely is different.

I know.

You know what I like best about it?

Watch this.

Red sheets, Nick?

Yeah, feel it. And they're slippery. Come on.

Feel it, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, those are very, very slippery.

See. When you let go, good things can happen, baby.

Mmm-hmm.

Ah, good morning.

How'd you sleep last night?

Honestly? Not good.

Oh, come on, baby.

Don't hate. You know you like my sheets.

No, I don't.

Okay, those things have me itching and scratching all night.

What are they, anyway? Like, what thread count?

Is it, like, one?

I don't know. I didn't count the threads.

Well, regardless, they kept slipping off the bed all night.

Even the mattress didn't want to sleep under those things.

I like my sheets.

Well, you can pretend to like your How to Train Your Dragon sheets as much as you want to.

What are they, anyway? Sheet in a sack?

How did you know that?

Nick, sheet in a sack was invented for men who don't have women.

Sheet in a sack. Really?

I'd rather sleep in the sack.

Ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh.

Attack of the control freak. Oh, watch out.

Hey, uh...

What's wrong with the coffee maker? Nothing.

The coffee maker proves that I'm not a control freak.

You see, because a control freak would actually load it the night before.

But since I'm not a control freak, I didn't.

Hey, Mom.Hey.

Why aren't you wearing the clothes I picked out for you?

I wanted to wear this.

Let him wear what he wants.

Look, repeat after me.

Let it go.

Fine, wear what you want.

Let me go.

Ooh, Mom, I think I have the internship locked up.

My friend, Kelly, is my biggest competition,

and I read her essay last night. It's not very good.

Are you sure you don't want me to take a look at it?

No, I'm good.

Well, we better get going.

I love you, honey. SUZANNE: Love you, too.

Bye, Mom.Bye.

See you guys later.

Love you.

Oh, this is horrible.

"With my tremendous fashion sense

"and my natural style,

"there's no better candidate for this internship than me."

That's more like it.

Man, that looks good.

It is.

Where's the rest?

Oh, um, no rest.

You said you were fixing dinner tonight.

No, I didn't.

Oh, that's right.

I said you were fixing dinner tonight.

Either way.

You need to get these kids some food. They look hungry.

Okay. We got anything besides chicken?

Nope.

You know, I know that you think that I just arbitrarily pick chicken

and I don't consider whether or not you guys want to eat that.

But, actually, I went to the store for beef,

but, unfortunately, there was a recall on beef last week

due to a mad cow outbreak.

Now, I know you might think that I'm the one who's controlling what you eat,

but actually, it's a farmer in Nebraska.

Now, if you'd like, I can get the number to one of the farms,

and you can call them and tell them to quit being a control freak.

Right. You guys want pizza?

Yeah. Pizza sounds awesome.

Mmm-hmm, pizza it is.

So, Kevin, how was your photo shoot today?

It was good. What photo shoot?

Remember, the newspaper took my picture for returning the wallet?

You wore that in your Citizen of the Week photo?

Hey. Leave him alone.

You can't control what he wears.

He can make his own decisions.

Let it go.

Hey, uh... right, I'll see what they want.

You guys, they got a special on the super beef pizza.

Beef?

Are you really being serious right now?

Uh, cheese, extra large, two.

Why would you call your wife a control freak?

Do you not know what women do?

I know what women do.

You don't act like it.

Besides, what is she, like, five feet tall?

She's a little taller than that.

Point is, she's tiny.

Did you ever hear of a dictator over 5'6"?

You'd be a control freak, too, if everybody was bigger than you,

because you'd know that if things ever got out of control,

you'd be powerless to stop it,

like an elephant going crazy at the circus.

So, you'd look for every opportunity to make sure you had a handle on things,

like from the way the bed is made

to the timely construction of your 50-foot statue.

Small people have issues.

Did you not see Purple Rain?

Did you know

you were supposed to wash your sheets when you take them out of the bag?

Yeah, everybody knows that.

I bought a sheet in a sack once without washing it.

Should call that thing "rash in a bag."

This is good. I thought Friday was pizza day.

That's the thing.

Since I called her a control freak,

she's letting me make all the decisions.

Well, you can't eat like this every day,

or else one of those decisions is gonna be

when to put the kids on The Biggest Loser.

Good morning.

Hey, hey.

Z, what are you doing? Why aren't you ready for work?

Did you sleep on the couch all night?

Are you and Nick having a fight?

I was asleep. I just woke up.

Yes, and no, we're not fighting, okay?

Nick bought sheets in a sack,

and he put the sheets on the bed without washing them,

and they're polyester. Polyester sheets?

Are you two having money trouble?

No, we're not having money trouble.

It's a long story.

I'm assuming it is.

Here.

Thank you.Mmm-hmm.

Good morning, baby.

Did you bag those sheets up yet?

You know, just because you don't like them doesn't mean they suck.

Yes, Nick, that's exactly what it means.

I see you decided to wear a different shirt.

Yeah, you know, despite what you believe,

the world won't fall apart if you don't pick everyone's clothes out.

Oh, uh, speaking of clothes, have you seen this?

Oh, look at this.

It's Kevin, in the picture he took at the police station.

Oh.

"Homeless boy returns wallet"?

"Kevin Kingston-Persons was named Citizen of the Week

"after he returned a wallet containing over $300

"to a local police station.

"Officers were impressed that the child returned the money

"when he clearly needed it."

I'm so proud.

Hey, Dad,

did you wear the same shirt two days in a row on your show?

What do you care what I'm wearing?

It's all over Twitter.

People are saying you wear the same clothes every day.

They're calling you Nick "Two shirt" Persons,

hashtag, "Gotshirts?"

Is that what you're gonna wear today?

Yes. Thank you.

And can you please stop embarrassing me?

Why are you scratching like that?

It's the sheets. It's not the sheets.

Oh, yeah? You're right. Got scabies?

Hey.

What happened to the, uh... the red dawn rising sheets?

They're going back in the sack.

What's wrong? I thought you liked them.

I did, till I found out they suck.

Honey, if you don't like my sheets,

then maybe we should go get something different.

Baby, whatever sheets you pick out are fine, all right?

And for the record, I was wrong.

And you are not a control freak.

I'm sorry.

Can you please make some chicken tonight?

Okay, okay.

Can you help me out, please? Yeah, baby, let me...

Okay, look.

I'm not trying to run everything.

Okay?

You get the corner.Mmm-hmm.

All right, I am just trying to,

you, know, make sure that everything is okay for everybody.

And don't think that just because I want to do something my way,

it's the only way to do it.

Well, I know it's not the only way to do it.

It's just the only way it's gonna get done.

Exactly. I've been trying to tell you.

Oh, I know.

Nick? Yeah?

Where's my leaf?

Oh, look, you know what?

I know the sheets suck, but that is a nice painting.

No, honey, it's not.

Well, I like it. It reminds me of me and you.

Look at my head.

Me and you?

What, after we've been killed in a tragic auto accident?

All right, okay. You don't like it. Got it.

Maybe we could go pick out something together, sometime.

Cool.Okay.

Mom? Yes, sweetie.

The weirdest thing happened to me today.

Kelly came up and thanked me for the amazing changes I made on her essay,

and I told her, "No problem."

But the thing is, I didn't make any changes on her essay.

So, I went on the computer to go look at it...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on.

Kelly's essay was on our computer?

Yeah, on the desktop.

Oh, no.

Um, Lindsey,

I thought that was your essay

and I may have made a few adjustments to it.

Well, Mom, you must have did a great job

because Kelly got the internship.

Oh, no. Lindsey, I'm sorry.

Don't be mad.

Mom, you can't control everything.

Okay, say it.

I don't have a thing to say.