Original subtitles

All right. No TV, video games, or computer.

Okay.

What is going on here?

Hi, I'm... Lorenzo Brooks. Nick!

I don't care who you are. Kids, go get your father.

Dad!

Hey, baby. Who is this?

Hey, I'm... That's Lorenzo Brooks. Producer from the station.

What is he doing here?

Honey, we are going green. Bam!

Nick, you know I don't like to be filmed.

But this is for good reason, all right?

We're gonna show how you can help save the planet.

I recycle. I drive a hybrid. That's not enough?

We could be doing a lot more.

So I volunteered our family for this segment

so we can show how easy it is for families to go green.

They're gonna air it next week.

We're gonna be on TV? No!

But, Mom! No!

Nick, you know how I feel about cameras.

Baby, listen. May I?

Hi. I'm Lorenzo Brooks. From the station.

I heard him the first time.

I give you my word. His word

We won't be intrusive at all. At all.

We're just shooting before footage now, and we'll be out of here.

Out of here.

And then, throughout the week, with your permission...

Your permission. We'll film you and see how you're doing.

How you're doing. We'll come back at the end of the week,

and we'll film the after footage. After footage.

Okay, so let me see if I got this right.

You're here now.Yeah.

You're gonna shoot in the middle of the week.Yes.

And then you're gonna come back

and shoot some more at the end of the week.Exactly.

See, now that sounds to me a whole lot like

you're gonna be here shooting all week.

And speaking of "before and after,"

why am I just finding out about this

after this man is already in my house?

Baby, can I talk to you for a second? Excuse me, Lorenzo.

Yeah.

Come on.

I was gonna tell you before. Before, when?

Before you got here. Baby, look, it's... What?

Look. Don't do it for me.

I wasn't.

Do it for the people of Earth! It's bigger than us, baby.

If I don't do it for you, what makes you think I'm gonna do it for them?

You better get that camera out of my face.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Okay. So, Nick,

how many days a week are you using public transit?

The last time he took the bus, he said,

"Next time I decide to take the bus,

"remind me to shoot myself in the head first."

I was being sarcastic. Sarcasm doesn't work on kids.

Yes, it does. I was being sarcastic.

Oh.

Lindsey, do you like baths or showers?

Is that an appropriate question for a grown man to be asking a teenage girl?

Do you not see my father sitting right here?

This is a list of all the things about your place

that aren't green.

According to this,

we use as much electricity and water as a family of nine.

Or a family of four that uses a lot of electricity and water.

You'll notice the list of suggestions on things to do

in order to get on the right track.

Okay. Well, I can do this. I can buy groceries that are more organic and eco-friendly.

And I could create a full recycling system.

And I can be in charge of conserving energy and water.

All right. Sounds good.

What are you gonna do?

I guess I could start using public transportation.

Oh, yeah, remember to shoot yourself in the head first, Dad.

Here, go put this one over there.Okay.

So how did the planet get so messed up anyway?

People use a lot of stuff they don't need.

The world is convenient, but deadly.

Before electricity, we didn't have these problems.

I blame Benjamin Franklin.

Go turn off that light.

All right. These new motion sensor lights

are gonna save us a lot of energy.

Move your hand.

Higher.

We still need more motion.

Oh, man. Let me try. Let me try.

Suzanne. I know you want to save the planet,

but if I had to be the one buying a $7 loaf of bread,

the planet just wouldn't make it.

Well, Marilyn, it's organic,

so it's better for the body, better for the world.

Well, if they want me to buy it, they better lower the price.

Mm.

Marilyn, even the way the food is chosen is more eco friendly.

What does that mean? They bring the Mexicans to work in a Prius?

The food is grown locally, so you don't have to use gas to transport it

from one place to another. Here. Just read this.

Oh, great. Now I gotta read.

Hey, baby. Hey, Marilyn.

What are those? Recycling bins.

Which one's for paper? This one.

Marilyn! What? I'm recycling.

Okay, since I can't talk you out of taking public transportation,

I'm gonna provide you with a few bus-riding essentials.

Okay. What do you have?

Got your uh, handy wipes, um, disinfectant.

I got some plastic gloves in here somewhere.

I'm riding the bus. I'm not cleaning it.

SARS mask, hazmat suit.

Hazmat suit?

Have you seen the people who ride the bus?

This is ridiculous.

No, what's ridiculous is you taking the bus.

I mean, you are a television personality.

You don't need to be traveling with Mr. Scabs

and Ms. Screams-into a-plastic-bag.

Is that all? Yes.

And we're all set for tomorrow, right? 'Cause Lester's ready to go.

Lester? Remember, the 70-year-old triathlete?

You said he'd make a good human interest story.

Oh, yeah. Um, look, can we reschedule when I can use the car?

Why don't you just catch a ride with the camera crew?

Because they're not there to help, all right?

It's like with the hungry kids in Africa.

They're not their to feed them. They're just there to film them starving.

Oh, my god! Oh! Oh!

Whoo! Oh, God. Oh. Goodness.

Oh! Kevin!

Hey, Mom. Why are you spraying...

Oh, my god!

Mom, my mouth was open! That's disgusting!

What did you eat last night?

Kevin, that's not me, okay? That's the refrigerator.

Yeah, right. If you're gonna be doing this again, we need to get a dog

so you can blame it on him.

It's not me, okay? Did you turn down the thermostat on the fridge?

Yes, I'm just doing my job, conserving energy.

Well, that is what you smell, okay?

A refrigerator full of rotten food.

How could you even think I could produce a smell like that?

You the one always saying I don't know anything about women.

You need to clean this refrigerator right now.

Kevin! Why are you down here in a towel?

Her clothes saw who was wearing them and hid.

Kevin was... Mom, why do you have a shirt...

Oh, my God!

Kevin, that's disgusting!

That's not me, that's Mom.

Stop saying that! Mom, that's gross!

Okay, for the last time, it is not me.

It is the refrigerator. Now what did Kevin do?

He went wouldn't stop banging on the bathroom door while I was taking my shower.

Kevin. I have a job to do. I'm doing it.

Okay, look.

Since I've started watching how much energy we use,

we've saved nine gallons of water

and 11 kilowatts over the past 24 hours.

All right, well, you've got 15 minutes to clean out this refrigerator.

And if you bang on the door while I'm in the shower, I'm gonna come out wet,

soapy, and naked, and beat something out of you that smells like this kitchen.

Okay. So, I called the venue

and they said it was possible if we...

What? Hey!

Oh, my gosh. You know...

Suzanne, what time did you go to bed last night?

Um... actually, it's what time I woke up.

Oh.

See, we're going green, and Nick is taking public transportation to work.

And his alarm woke me up, and, you know,

I'm all for saving the planet, but if I'm gonna be too tired to enjoy it,

then the planet just may have to take one for the team.

Mm-hmm. You know how I feel.

I mean, why do I have to save the planet?

What has the planet done for me lately?

Well, currently, it's supplying you with oxygen,

and its atmosphere is preventing you

from being burned to a crisp by the sun's rays.

Is the planet doing that for me, or was the planet gonna do that anyway?

Either way, until we know for sure,

I am driving gas guzzling cars,

eating delicious steroid-filled meat,

wearing fur, buying CDs wrapped in plastic,

drinking coffee out of Styrofoam cups,

and wearing eyeliner tested on rabbits because, really,

if there wasn't so many of them, maybe we would test them on something else.

Hey.

Hey!

Hey! Hey. Hey. Hey.

So who are you?

Uh, Gigi. Yeah?

This is Lorenzo. Lorenzo? Hi, Lorenzo. I'm Gigi.

Gigi. Well, Lorenzo. Nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you.Okay.

I'm glad everybody thinks its nice to meet and be met.

You don't get that camera out of my face... So, okay, um...

So, what do you do, Lorenzo?

He's responsible for us going green.

Oh, Lorenzo, I, I...

I love green.Mm.

Nick thought it'd probably be okay for us to come down and see how you'd be green

at the office.

Oh, well, he didn't tell me that.

You know what? That is such a coincidence 'cause I was just telling Suzanne...

Suzanne, wasn't I just telling you how the office should go green?

Really?

Yes, really. I mean, if we're not gonna fight for the earth, who's gonna fight, Suzanne?

Who's gonna fight?

Yeah, I love your passion.

Thank you. And I like yours too.Hmm.

Hey. Um, I was just gonna go down the street

and get Suzanne an organic juice

and you know I'm gonna walk, right?

So, um, do you want to come with me?

Sure. I'm sure my guy could handle this.

All right. Why don't I meet you by the stairs?

'Cause, you know, we need to walk the stairs. Gotta save energy!

All right, it's, it's over there.

Okay. All right.

Um, so, like, I was gonna say where do I get organic juice?

Hey, guys. I'm sorry I'm late.

Lester, Nick. Nick, Lester.

Who are you? Secretary of state?

I can't ask the guy his name?

Sorry. I'm Nick.

Who do you think I am? Memento?

I can't remember what the guy said five seconds ago?

Look, if you're gonna follow me around for your little TV piece,

you can't be one minute late.

Let alone six minutes late. You got me? Yeah.

I'm up at 3:00 a.m. I'm on a strict schedule. I do specific things

at specific times.

I'm sure it won't happen again.

What are you guys? A Vegas act?

Who's the dummy?

And which one of you guys has his hand up the other guy's butt?

Seriously, guys. Six minutes late.

What happened? You got detained by the authorities?

I have never been six minutes late in my life.

Ever? Never!

Do you know what six minutes in the New York City marathon means?

$65,000 cash.

The difference between first place and tenth.

If 60 minutes started 6 minutes late, you what they'd call it?

Fifty-four minutes. Who'd watch that?

I don't know. I wouldn't.Nope.

Feel my chest. What?

Touch my chest. It's hard as a rock. Go ahead.

You too.

Wow, that's impressive.

You're right, pretty boy. This ain't the junior prom.

Oh.

I gotta stay on a schedule. All right.

Ah.

Wanna touch my thigh? No, that's okay.

All right, beat it.

Look. I'll see you tomorrow? Don't be late!

What you lookin' at, girlie hands? Go take care of my tab.

Come on, now.

Green. If we're not fighting to save the earth,

what are we fighting for? Good morning, Suzanne.

Good morning.

What's with the getup?

Oh, I rode my bike here today.

When did you get... I got here, what, a few minutes ago? Huh?

I met the guys downstairs. Hey, where's Lorenzo?

I don't know. All right, you guys can cut.

Thank you.

You know what? When Lorenzo gets here, send him up, okay? Thank you.

Did you really ride a bike here?

I latched it to my car,

parked around the corner and rode down the block.

Hey, I wanna make a good impression.

Well, you've made one on me. And if you're wondering what it is.

Yes, I think you're totally insane.

And you're being a hypocrite.

I'm not being a hypocrite. I am compromising my principles for love.

I mean, men do it all the time.

Whatever.

Up at 4:00 again? Yeah.

Why don't you just go home, take a nap. You know, I can wait here for Lorenzo.

Okay, fine. Bye.

Okay, bye.

Nick Kingston-Persons?

Hi. How are you doing? Hi.

Good.

What are you... What are you filming?

Um, I'm going green for the week by taking public transit.

Uh-huh. It's for a piece that's gonna air on KAWT.

Cool. Where... Where are you going?

I'm going to catch the ferry to take a ride across Puget Sound

and watch a 70-year-old guy swimming.

It's a human interest story.

It sure is. I'm human.

And I'm interested in a 70-year-old swimming in the Puget Sound.

That's good to know.

Say, I'd hate to bother you, but me and my kids watch you all the time.

Do you mind if I get an autograph? Uh.

You gotta hurry. This is my stop, right.

Yeah. You just have to make it out to my kids. Yeah, okay. What is it?

Michael, Jo-Jo, Uh-huh, yeah.

Veronica, Juliet, William... Okay.

Is that all? No, and my baby girl.

What's her name? She's so adorable. She just found her toes.

What's her name, man? Um, it's Madeline Valerie Isabelle.

All right, all right. Thank you.Okay.

Wait, wait, wait, this is my stop.

Driver, this is my stop.

Sorry you missed your stop.

It's cool.

Mind if I take a picture?

Are you happy that you decided to go green?

I am. Whatever.

What's that?

A sleep mask, ear plugs, and some melatonin.

Every day this week, your alarm clock has been waking me up.

Well, not tomorrow. I don't care what happens.

Tomorrow, I am sleeping until 7:00.

Nick, Nick, Nick.

Suzanne, Baby. Wake up.

Huh? What time is it? I told you I wanted to sleep until 7:00.

It's 4:30.

Nick, why would you wake me up at 4:30 a.m.,

when I told you I wanted to sleep in?

It's 4:30 in the afternoon.

What? Well, it's okay.

Huh?

Baby.

You're standing there with a camera in my face. Why didn't you wake me up?

Oh, my gosh. 4:30! Okay. Oh, oh, Gigi!

It's okay. Gigi knows. Look, everything's been taken care of.

Oh, okay. Well, what are you doing home?

Aren't you supposed to be with Lester?

Lester's dead, baby.

What? What happened?

He got stung by a killer bee and went into anaphylactic shock.

They tried to give him a shot of epinephrine, but his pecs were so hard,

they couldn't put the needle through his chest.

Oh, wow. What a shame.

Well, what now?

Well, I'm exhausted. I know you are. So let's get some rest.

Look, I'll get these guys out of here. You fluff the pillows,

and I'll meet you back here in five.

Break

Hey, baby. What's for breakfast?

Um, a 100 percent organic,

eco-friendly, locally farmed bag of oats. There you go.

Oh. Oh! Oh, my gosh.

Are you all right?

Do I look all right, Suzanne?

Do I... Look at me.

Do I look all right? No, I'm not all right.

And I know why people don't wanna go green now too.

Why? Because all the non-green people

and their non-green giant vehicles are out to kill you

and I'm done.

You know, I know what I'm going to do

with my bonus this year.

What? I'm buying a big-ass vehicle

and going after the sucker who tried to run me off the road.

That's what!

Lindsey, what did you do that for?

Because you're a psychopath and you need to be stopped.

Hey. Hey. Hey. What's going on?

Lindsey went on my computer and erased all of my energy and water consumption files.

Because you were sitting outside the bathroom with a stopwatch.

What difference does it make? Now all my data is gone, and...

Hey! NICK: Sit down!

Sit down. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, hey, hey. Put that down.

Sit down.

Do not move.

Man!

This is Nick.

You see, going green sucks.

You know, I almost got killed. Your family in here going crazy.

Listen, is that why we're trying to save the world, Suzanne,

so we can be at each other's throats like we in a prison yard,

going after cigarettes?

Okay, okay. Gigi, maybe you have a point.

And in the future, we can try to be a little bit more green, but for now,

we should just settle for baby steps.

Thank you.

Hey, everybody.

That was Lorenzo. Oh, too scared to show his face?

Yeah, I wish he would show his face here with the film crew.

You know what I'd do? I'd break a spoke off in his...

Kids in the room. What did he want?

He finished the piece. He said it's gonna be on the morning show.

Well, let's watch it. See what we been working for.

And now with more, here's Lorenzo Brooks.

Going green.

We talked about how to do it right,

but here's what it looks like when going green goes wrong.

What?

This is...