Original subtitles

Ooh, good morning, baby.

Hi. What's wrong with your neck?

It's just a little stuff from our workout last night.

- What were you doing? - Incline crunches.

Where were you, anyway?

On the treadmill,

where you left me.

I didn't leave you.

You say that every time we go to the gym.

Well, I say that, because whenever we're there,

we're never together.

I used to work out with you,

now I just work out at the same gym.

Look, we go together, we leave together.

That's together. We go to the movies,

We watch TV, we surf the web.

Remember that "David goes to the dentist" video?

That was funny.

Nick, that's not what I mean.

I want to do something together-together,

meaning if you're not doing a part of it,

and I'm not doing the other part, it can't be done.

Well, we can do that upstairs.

Nick.

Look, the problem is,

I'm the one always planning stuff for us to do.

Okay, that is not true.

Yes, it is, all right?

Look, whenever I ask you

what it is you want to do, you say,

"I don't know.

"I want to do whatever you want to do."

And then I say, "I want to do something you want to do."

And then you say, "Good.

"Whatever you decide is what I want to do."

Well, I do,

unless I don't want to do it,

which I don't know until I do it.

Fine, I'll tell you what,

you want to do something?

You decide what it is, and I'll do it.

- Really? - Really.

And when you come up with something,

just let me know.

Can I ask you one favor?

Yes.

After we do what you want to do together,

can we do what I want to do together?

Slow your roll, crook neck.

Let's worry about me first,

and then we'll worry about you.

Mm-mmm. Yes, indeed. Ow!

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

- Hey, good morning. - Good morning.

I didn't know you were already here.

I've been calling your cell.

Yeah, I came in early.

I'm trying to find something fun for Nick and I to do together.

Oh, what you looking at?

Pottery making? Seriously?

Do you have a better idea?

I'm trying not to pick the same old boring stuff.

Well, if you're looking for the new boring stuff, you found it.

Okay, Nick said that he'll do

whatever I want him to do. It's on me.

Ooh, now, this looks fun,

and it does not look boring.

- Salsa dancing. - Yeah.

I love salsa.

It's so sexy,

the moves, the clothes.

Yeah, well, have fun with that.

Okay, what's wrong with salsa dancing?

Nothing is wrong with it.

I used to love it,

until the accident.

What? Gigi,

you didn't tell me about any accident.

It happened about three years ago,

when I met Jesus.

He would dip me,

spin me around,

flip me over his back.

Oh, it was incredible.

And he was sexy,

and confident and in control,

and... and just amazing.

And that accent?

Ooh!

Do you need some time alone?

- No. - Okay, so the accident?

- Right, I was hooked. - Mm-hmm.

And then I made the fatal mistake...

of moving the relationship

out of the studio,

and into the street.

So, that was the accident, you dated him?

Yes, it was a disaster.

It didn't even last a week.

I mean, in the studio,

he was the sexiest man alive,

but on the street, he was broke.

I mean, he lived in a studio apartment,

wore the same pair of jeans every day,

and when we went out to eat, he wanted me to pay.

And he drove a car.

It was horrible.

I mean, I can't remember the name, oh...

It started with a "U."

A "U"?Yeah.

What kind of car starts with a "U"?Used.

It was used.

Okay, I love you,

but you have to be stopped.

Well, that will never happen again.

Do they have a word for people who are afraid of poor Latin men?

Yeah, Republicans.

You know what?

I know one thing.

When I stare

into a Latin man's eyes,

I'm done.

Okay, I have an idea.

What?

You should come with us.

And why would I do that?

Because you have a crazy, irrational fear,

and you have to face it. Now, come here.

Fine.

Okay.

I'll go.

But when I fall,

you better be there to catch me.

Mom, look at these boots.

Aw!

Those are so cute.

- No. - What?

- No. - I'll pay you back.

I'll tell you what.

Save the money you were gonna use to pay me back,

then buy the boots.

What do you want?

Who says I want anything?

I'm here to give you something.

And what might that be?

Advice.

Now, listen, I've been watching you,

and I hate to tell you, but you're never gonna get what you want

if you keep asking like that.

Really, genius?

What would you have done differently?

Okay, let me put it like this.

The key to getting what you want

is making the person believe it was their idea to give it to you.

I call it "The bait and switch."

What?

Bait and switch. It is simple.

Just ask for something you're not gonna get, the bait.

And then go for something of a lesser value, the switch.

Ha, watch and learn.

Hey, Dad.

What up, party people?

Hey, Dad, the Mariners are playing this weekend.

I thought you didn't care about baseball.

I saw a game on TV,

and it turned out to be kind of cool.

You think we can go?

I'll see what I can do.

Yes!

So what? You asked for tickets,

and you didn't even get them.

That's not the point.

I didn't want them.

Okay, is there anything else you want besides those boots?

Well, there is this watch I really like.

Okay, so here's the deal.

The next time Dad asks you to be somewhere,

you be late.

What? That doesn't even make any sense.

Shh.

You'll find out soon enough.

Get your finger off my face!

- Nick, baby. - Hmm?

I found something for us to do together.

What is it?

Salsa!

Ooh, that is nice.

So, what do you think?

About what?

Salsa!

The dance or the sauce?

The dance.

Nick, I want to take salsa lessons together.

Dance class?

You said you were down for whatever.

You don't want to do this?

No, it's cool.

It's just that I don't need to take dance lessons.

I can dance.

Baby,

although you do the robot better than any man

or robot that I've ever known,

I don't want to be doing that with you when I'm 50, okay?

Now, salsa, on the other hand,

it's classy, it's grown-up,

and I get to look like this

when we do it.

Okay, okay,

we'll go salsa dancing.

But can I ask you a favor?

Yeah, what?

When you go in there,

please don't do that.

Mean!

It looks like you're stomping grapes, babe.

Why do women love taking classes?

Cooking classes,

painting classes, exercise classes.

Look, it's salsa. It'll be fun.

Look, all I'm saying is,

why do I have to take salsa?

I mean, it's not like I'm going to Cuba.

Duh.

You're not going for the dance,

you're going for the women.

I'm married.

Do this, and you will stay married.

In my years of experience,

I have found there is nothing sexier than a Latin woman.

And if you can get your woman

to bring out her innermost sexy Latina,

you will be a very happy man.

Exhausted, but happy.

So, Latin women are sexy,

but they're not the only one.

Look, they may be annoying,

but the Kardashians are sexy.

Mostly.

No, they're Armenian.

Do you know what Armenians are known for?

Excessive body hair.

You know what Latinas are known for?

Creative ways of ripping it out.

Trust me, you want to do this.

Oh, you serious?

I am. Can I come?

I can't believe you just invited yourself to my salsa class.

Yeah, it's weird. It was like I was trying to convince you,

and I ended up somehow convincing myself.

Lindsey, you are late.

You were supposed to be home early to stay with Kevin.

Yeah, I know, at 5:15.

No, it's six o'clock.

Oh, it's my cheap watch.

It goes in and out,

so it doesn't keep the time anymore.

It's all raggedy and tired.

Well, you need to get a new watch.

You think so?

Yeah, I think so.

Look, you need to be places on time.

You need a decent watch.

What about this one?

I mean, I know it's kind of expensive,

but I hear it's really good.

$300?

What, you need a new watch

so you can be on time for your job?

You need to find something cheaper than that.

What about this one?

It's not as nice,

but it's got some extra bands and some other stuff.

That's more like it.

I'll see if I can find it.

Thanks, Dad, and sorry about being late.

Whoo!

I am starting to like this salsa.

Well, you think you like it now?

Wait till I know what I'm doing.

Ooh.

Yeah, you go, girl.

Get your fine self on out of here.

Okay, thank you.

You just go and get yourself going.

So, honey, it sounds good, right?

And then at the end of the series,

we will get to perform an entire routine.

"Series"?

As in more than one?

Yeah. Honey, you can't learn to salsa in an hour.

I mean, really, come on.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

That's okay. Hey!

Uh...What?

Gigi, what are you doing? What happened to you?

You look like an extra from The Color Purple.

I'm disguised as a normal person.

Okay, why?

Because even if I can't resist a salsa instructor,

maybe if I'm dressed like this,

he can resist me.

Otherwise, I'll be shacked up living off taquitos and beans.

Okay, taquitos are Mexican.

Shh, here he is.

Hola, everyone. Welcome to Salsa 101.

My name is Diego Salsa,

and this is my assistant, Elena.

Hola, amigos. Sorry I'm late. Did I miss anything?

Huh?

It's my salsa shirt.

It was given to me by a woman. She said I was muy caliente.

I'll give you details later.

Ooh, I like your shirt.

You look like Fernando Lamas.

All right, everyone,

Elena and I have prepared a performance for you guys,

so you guys could see exactly what you're gonna look like at the end of the series.

Wow!

Great.

All right, now I'd like you to find your partners.

See, honey,

- together. - I got it.

I got it.

Would you mind dancing with me?

No, I don't think so.

Don't be shy.

The class needs to see that even a normal-looking woman

that nobody ever wants to dance with

can become the woman she wants through salsa.

- Mm. - What's your name?

Gigi.

- Gigi? - Mm-hmm.

- That is a beautiful name. - Yep, thank you.

It's the letter "G. "Yep.

- Twice. - Yep.

Did everyone find their partners?

All right, this is where the man takes the woman's right hand,

place in his left hand,

takes the right hand, place on her back,

and the lady takes the left hand and puts it on her man's right shoulder.

Then the man and his woman

look at each other in their eyes.

And begin.

One, two, three.

Okay, Nick, you're not doing it right.

No, I'm doing what he told us to do.

- Okay, well, let's just try it again. - Okay.

- All right. Okay. - Here we go, baby. We got it.

And one... Ow!

Ow. Nick, you keep stepping on my feet.

I'm trying to step on the floor,

but every time I do, your feet get in the way.

Okay, okay, why don't we have you dancing with Elena,

and why don't we take you and your amazing technicolored dance shirt

over to beautiful Gigi?

Oh!

Here we go. One, two, three, five, six,

seven. One, two, three,

five, six, seven.

One, two, three...Wow!

You're a quick study.

You have great form.

Oh, you're not half bad yourself.

Diego, can you show me how to do that?

I can certainly try.

- Okay. - Here we go.

And...Oh.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Okay, let's try that again, and...

- Oh. - Are you okay?

Yeah, no, you know, I'm fine.

Um, my feet hurt,

so I'm just gonna sit down for a minute.

Thank you.

Wow, this is great. Here we go.

- Whoo. - Now let's try the shake.

- That's it. - There you go.

I'm so glad my wife took me to this class.

I'm having a ball.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

A present.

For moi?

- Did you look at it? - No.

Oh, my gosh. It's so pretty.

Let's see.

"You are my flower.

"I cannot wait to see you blossom.

"For my favorite student. Diego."

Come on. What is this?

Damn.

A beautiful Latin man

sends you a sexy dress

and says he can't wait to see you blossom,

and all you can say is "Damn"?

I mean, who knew he would go all Fat Greek Wedding on me?

- Gigi. - What?

Maybe it's a sign.

Okay, he wants to see you blossom.

Go ahead and blossom.

You can do this.

Fine, when are you going back?

Oh, I'm not going back.

Why? Nick looked like he was having a good time.

Yeah, did you notice it wasn't with me?

No, 'cause I couldn't see much behind Martin's technicolored dance shirt.

I took this class to be with Nick,

not to watch him be with somebody else,

and then I freaked out on him when I got home.

Wait, Suzanne.

You've never taken a salsa class before?

No, I thought I'd learn with him.

See, that's where you went wrong.

I always do recon

before I take a lesson with a man.

I want to know what I'm supposed to know because even if I don't know it,

I know one thing, I'm not gonna be out there looking like I don't know and not know it.

Was that advice?

You better ask somebody.

Did you like it?

You know it.

Hi.

- Hola. Suzanne, right? - Mm-hmm.

You were here last night.

Yeah, you, uh, danced with my husband, Nick.

Yes, I remember.

He's a little rough around the edges,

but he's not bad.

If the two of you take a few more classes,

you'll be out on that floor in no time.

Oh, um, well, that's actually kind of why I'm here.

I was hoping to get a refund on the remaining classes.

- Por que? - What?

- Why? - What why?

The refund.

Oh! Oh, okay, um...

Yeah, I... I thought I would enjoy it, but I didn't, so...

Suzanne, can I be honest with you?

Si.

Diego danced with you,

and afterwards, he told me you could be a decent dancer,

but he said you're a control freak.

What? That is so rude.

In salsa, the man has to lead,

and the woman has to follow.

Otherwise, it doesn't work.

Okay, but I thought I was letting him lead.

Can I show you something?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Great, just relax.

Okay.

In salsa, it's all about letting go.

- Okay. - Starting with this foot.

And, back. Good.

Let the music transfer through your body.

- You might want to look up. - Oh.

- Sorry. - There you go.

- Now we're gonna go to the side. - Okay.

Good. Now let loose.

Okay.

I knew you were gonna be a natural.

And turn.

Side.

- Ole. - Wow.

Oh, goodness. Oh.

Please, come back to us.

Okay, maybe I will.

Can you bring your friend, the one with the glasses?

Here I am.

Mi amor.

Yes.

I amor.

Yes.

Yes, how you have blossomed.

My gift looks muy caliente.

Gracias.

I know you are a rare thing,

a delicate flower.

I would love nothing more than to take our dance into the real world.

Can I please take you out?

No, Diego. I cannot go out with you.

I am just here to face my demons.

- Por que? - What?

- Why? - What why?

- Demons. - Demons?

Oh, yes, demons.

I can't let myself fall for you,

so this...

This will have to be

our last dance.

Then we have to make it a great one.

Mm.

Okay, Elena,

he just oozing sensuality.

How do you handle it?

After a while, you get used to it,

but why wouldn't she want to go out with him?

He's beautiful, romantic,

and he can dance.

And he's broke.

Diego?

His last name is Salsa.

His family owns the name "Salsa."

He's worth over $500 million.

Are you serious?

Just kidding. He's broke.

Okay, Gigi,

stop looking. Don't look into the light.

- What? - Come on. Let's go. Bye-bye, Diego.

Bye-bye. See ya. Thank you so much.

No, no, no, this way. Let's go.

Can't help it.

Hey, Mommy.

Hey, sweetheart.

Wow, that's a nice new watch. Where'd you get that?

Dad bought it for me.

Oh, well, what was wrong with your old watch?

It wasn't working, so he thought I needed a new one.

Oh, okay.

So, honey.

- Hey. - Hey.

I just saw Lindsey's new watch.

Yeah, she needed a new one.

Her old one was making her late.

Really? Let me guess.

So, she was late

because her old watch wasn't working,

so she needed a new pink one with rhinestones.

Right.

Mm-hmm, Nick, watch this. Lindsey!

Yeah, Mom?

What time is it, honey?

Um... It's 7:38.

Thank you.

No problem.

You see that?

She didn't even look at her watch.

She uses her phone to tell the time.

Wow, she's good.

She got me.

Well, I know now for next time.

I hope so.

Well, I've got a full day ahead of me tomorrow.

I'm taking Kevin to the X Games.

Wow, that's really nice.

Yeah, it's the least I can do since I couldn't get him the Mariners tickets.

Mariners tickets? Since when is Kevin into baseball like that?

It's a consolation prize.

I mean, I felt bad,

so I got him the X Games tickets instead.

Nick, hold on a second.

Kevin!

Yeah, Mom.

So, some Mariners tickets opened up this weekend,

so you can go to that instead of the X Games.

- They did? - Mm-hmm.

Oh, well, you know, maybe me and Dad should just

go to the X Games, you know,

since Dad already bought the tickets and everything.

And, you know, somebody else can go to the baseball game

instead of me and you, you know,

if they ever find out that they can get tickets.

You see that?

Uh, I haven't seen a tap dance like that

since Bring in 'Da Noise, Bring in 'Da Funk.

Kevin, go to your room.

Yes, ma'am.

He was so believable too,

like a little Will Smith

- with the ears and everything. - Mm-hmm.

It's the old bait and switch.

Where do these kids learn to do stuff like that?

I don't know.

I wish there was a class to teach you how to deal with it.

I think there is.

Hey, you want to take it together?

Nick!

- Wake up! - Oh! Ahh!

Oh, this is the class I want to take.

Bait and switch.

I got you.