All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S02E14.The.Suzanne.Gets.One-Upped.Episode.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

Hey, Dad, do you know how to calculate

the surface area of a cube?

Um... Oh!

You take the square root
of somebody who knows,

divide it by whatever you tried,
and then ask your mother.

Ask me what?

- Hey, babe.
- Hmm.

Something wrong?

Not a thing.

You sure?

I'm fine.
Ask me what?

Is there a reason you're
listening to music

when you're supposed to be studying?

Kevin.

He can't hear you.

Those are noise-canceling headphones.

- Oh.
- Ask me what?

Oh, do you know how to calculate

the surface area of a cube?

Take the length of one side squared

and multiply it by six.

You didn't know that?

Whoa, babe, we've been
through this before.

Math is not my thing.

If it was, I could figure out
what's wrong with you.

Kevin, why didn't you ask Lindsey?

She's done this stuff a lot
more recently than I have.

- I don't know.
- Lindsey.

Yes?

Did you not see you brother
sitting over here struggling?

I saw him sitting there.
I didn't know he was struggling.

Well, since you're so unsure
of what you're looking at,

your job for the next week is to
help Kevin with his homework.

But, Mom...You want to make it two weeks?

I didn't think so.

Put that up.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Hey, Gigi.

Hey, Nick.

What's wrong with Suzanne?

Shh.

Okay, your wife, she's upset.

- I can see that.
- Shh. Man!

This morning, we had a breakfast meeting

with a potential client, a woman,

throwing a post honeymoon party.

Suzanne was fine until the woman asked her

where she went on her honeymoon.

So Suzanne tells her
about this amazing trip

she and you took to Hawaii.

We didn't go to Hawaii because
we didn't go on a honeymoon.

That's right.

Why would Suzanne lie
about going on a honeymoon?

Why wouldn't she lie, Nick?

I mean, you can safely assume
not going on your honeymoon

is like not doing something
that would be really important

to a man that he didn't do

but was around a bunch
of other men who did do it,

and they were talking
about it all the time.

Gigi, I promised Suzanne I would
take her on a honeymoon,

and I am taking her.

Then what are you waiting for, Nick?

I already got one wife.
I don't need you on my back.

Well, you take her on that trip or I will.

Fine, Oprah, you take her.

Don't mock me.

I got this, Gigi.

And what did she say?

And what did you say?

Oh-ho, no!

No!

Did Ralph call you?

That boy is on something.

I'm telling you.
No, no.

Him and Rere went in.

Oh, oh, they went in.

No, no, you on something, boy.

No, boy, you on something!

No, a'ight, a'ight, check it.

Yeah, I got to do something real quick.

I'll hit you back.
I'll hit you back.

A'ight.

I'm really sorry about that.
That was just...

Yeah, I know, I know. It's your boy.
He's on something.

So honeymoon.

Any place in mind?

Someplace tropical.

Uh, let's see.

Oh, yeah, here you go.

Let's see.

There we go.

Six nights all-inclusive

at the Fiji Grand Tides.

Yeah, how much?

$8,442.

Boy, you on something.

What can you do for three,500

broken down into 12 easy payments?

- She like petting zoos?
- No.

- Civil war reenactments?
- No.

Look, I am looking for a nice
romantic beach getaway.

Right, uh, oh, here, this is you.

All inclusive Maui swimming with
the dolphins honeymoon package,

$1,500.

Man, what do I look like
swimming with the dolphins?

How am I supposed
to take pictures of that?

This is me.
This is me and a dolphin.

This is me and my wife and a dolphin.

This is me and my wife.

You know who took that
picture? The dolphin.

No, you got it all wrong.

You don't have to swim with the dolphins.

You can just sit on the beach.

I'll upgrade your room.
What do you say?

Book it.

Great.

Oh, uh, there is one catch.

You have to leave Tuesday.

Tuesday?

As in Tuesday?

Yeah, Tuesday, this Tuesday.

No. Brad is busy.

Who is this?
Rere?

Rere went in.

I call you back, shawty.

Nick.

Honey.

Babe, can you please help me
zip up my dress?

Oh, no problem.

- There you go.
- Thank you.

- Babe?
- Huh? Yes?

You seem a little out of sorts.

Is everything okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

Um, I was having a problem with a client.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm good.

Thank you, for asking though.

Ooh, I got to get this.

Okay.

- Kevin.
- Yes.

Did Lindsey help you with your homework?

Uh, she...

- Yes.
- Yes.

She... Mm-hmm.
We did...

We did geography and his vocabulary,

and we did the make-up questions
on a quiz he failed.

What quiz did you fail?

It was a hard quiz, Mom.

And, plus, I didn't really "fail" fail.

I just missed a lot of the answers,

and we corrected them,
so I'm getting a "B."

A "B" as in, "Boy, you better
not bring home another "F?"

Yep, that's the one.
That's the one.

Okay. Yeah.

- Love you, guys.
- Bye, Mommy.

Hey.

Hi. Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

So you know that cute guy
at the coffee shop?

The one who always
gives you the next size up?

Right.
He asked me out.

And what did you say?

I said I'd think about it.

Okay, instead of saying
you'd think about it,

why didn't you just tell him no?

Because by my calculations,

at five visits a week, say, over 48 weeks,

at 90 cents per up size times two,

that's about 450 bucks a year.

And I spend that little extra money
to help me look like this,

so I can get free coffee.

Why don't you just spend it on coffee?

And not look like this?

Wow.

Thank you.

What are you talking about?

Uh, never mind, honey.
What is it?

Well, you might be interested in knowing

that your boy,
Mr. Nick Kingston-Persons,

has secured an interview with the one,
the only Ms. Laila Ali.

What?

Honey, honey, come on.
Okay, stop, stop.

Babe, babe.

That's fantastic,

but please don't do that in front of her.

The lady might have a flashback
and knock you out.

Wow. Laila Ali. Nick.

- No.
- Suzanne.

- Nick.
- What?

Can you please get her
to sign my boxing gloves?

Please.

I'll see what I can do.

Thank you.

Honey, how did this come about?

Laila Ali, that's a big deal.

Yeah, it's a big deal.

She has a speaking engagement
in Hawaii next week,

and they needed somebody this week.

Wow.

Must be nice to work in Hawaii.

Yeah, I wish
I was going to Hawaii.

They got me going to Pebble
Beach next week.

Oh, really?
What for?

Local guy in the pro-am.

I'm working on a profile.

All right.
Well, honey,

we got to go. I love you.
I'll see you later.

- Okay, baby.
- Bye.

Uh, Gigi?

- What?
- When can I get those gloves?

Oh, so I'll see you out there, okay?

- Okay.
- Um, tonight.

And can you also get her holding my gloves

and take a picture.

Gigi, enough about the gloves.

Listen.

What I am about to tell you,
you cannot say anything.

And by anything,
I mean nothing.

You cannot discuss
what I'm about to tell you

with anyone but me.

Nick, Suzanne is my best friend.

I... I can't have
no secrets with her husband.

- Gigi.
- What?

I'm taking Suzanne on a honeymoon.

- When?
- That's the thing.

It has to be next week.

But you just said you're going
to Pebble Beach next week.

I'm not. I lied.

Ooh.

Listen, I need her
to think that I'm traveling

so she doesn't make plans
for me to be here

that I can't get out of.

Nick, why are you telling me this?

You know I can't hold no secrets.

I need you to clear her calendar.

It's gonna be tough.

What? She's got a lot of appointments?

No, I wrote everything in pen.

- Gigi.
- What?

Okay, okay, I'll see what I can do.

- I got to go.
- Gigi.

What?

Not a word.

Or I will kill you.

You... Wow, you're serious.

You know, Ma,
I don't ask for much.

It's only five nights.

And six days.

And you think you gonna sucker me

into staying here with those kids

by making me a sandwich?

That is not just a sandwich.

That is hand-cut,

honey-roasted, free range Turkey,

with cave-aged gouda cheese,

resting on seven grain
organic wheat bread.

Oh, no, that is not just a sandwich.

That is an experience.

Come on, Ma.

Look at this place.

Ooh, that is nice.

Is this the part where you hit me up

for the money to help with the deposit?

No, Ma, I just need
your help with the kids.

Can I just give you the money?

I'll tell you what I'll do.

I will stay here with those kids

if you promise me that while you're there,

you'll take Suzanne
on one of those boat rides

that I hear white men take their wives on.

What kind is that?

The kind where the wives don't come back.

Get it? Ooh,
I tickle me.

Almost there.

Uh. Whoa, replay!

Kevin, come on.

I really want to hook up with my friends.

I'm supposed to be helping
you with this essay,

not doing it for you.

I'm only gonna be a few more minutes.

What's wrong with it anyway?

"What's wrong with it?"

That's the stupidest essay
I've ever read.

Do you even know anything
about Barack Obama?

If you hate it so much, you write it.

Why would I do that?

You're the one with friends
waiting. I got all night.

- Fine.
- Awesome.

So if you could get that to me about 7:00,

- 8:00 at the latest.
- Oh, it'll be here.

You should have it in a little while.

Okay, you're welcome.
Bye-bye.

Okay.

Maui Emerald Shores?

Six days, five nights,
Kingston-Persons?

Hello?

Um, yes, I'm calling
to confirm a reservation.

Sure.

Nick Kingston-Persons.

Thank you. Yes, no, I just
wanted to make sure

that it was a king non-smoking.

Upgraded to a suite?

For two?

Oh, and it's part of the swim
with the dolphins package?

Right, next Tuesday through Saturday.

Thank you. Yeah, you have a good day too.

Hello?

Hey, can I please speak with Nick?

Who's this?

Uh, this is Skinner from the office.

I just wanted to let Nick know

that we're gonna take
Palmer off Pebble Beach

and do it next week with him instead.

So if he can check his schedule
and get back to me,

I'd greatly appreciate it.

So Nick wasn't on the Pebble
Beach assignment?

Well, he wasn't, but he is now.

And it's next week?

Right.

And who are you calling for?

Nick Kingston-Persons.

And you are?

This is Skinner.

From the office? Yes.

Whose office? What?

No, uh, I'm sorry.

Never mind.
Bye-bye. Thank you.

Suzanne, that is ridiculous.

Nick is not having an affair.

Gigi, I'm not stupid.

He said he was going
to Pebble Beach next week,

and instead I find a reservation to Maui.

Maui?

- Maui.
- Maui?

- Yes.
- Hawaii?

- Yes.
- That is amazing.

Right?

And then I find out
that it's a king suite.

King suite?

- King suite.
- Mm.

I mean, isn't that crazy?

Crazy.

And then I find out

that he was never even going

on this alleged
Pebble Beach assignment.

You know what?

I refuse to believe your husband
is cheating on you.

Well, you don't have to believe it.

Well, you know what? Maybe someone
stole his credit card

and put the room under his name.

Yeah, I mean, identity theft is real.

So what?

So they broke into our house,

used our computer, booked the reservation,

and had the confirmation email
sent to his address

so he would never find out about it?

I didn't say they were good at it.

- Gigi.
- What?

Why are you defending him?

Do you know something I don't?

Do... no.

I mean, do I know... How can you
ask me do I know something?

Have I ever known anything?

Well, if you knew something,
you would tell me, right?

I mean, you have to tell me.

You are insulting me right now.

Because, girl, you know
if I knew something

that I knew you needed to know,

and you didn't know and I knew
you needed to know that,

girl, you know me.

When have I ever not told you something.

- Never.
- Right.

So don't be questioning our friendship

over some obvious misunderstanding,

which I'm sure will be explained
to your satisfaction,

sooner rather than later.

I'm not waiting for later.

Where are you going?

To find out if I need
to check Nick into a rehab.

Go do what you got to do.

Just don't mention my name.

Is there a particular fighter

you've had a problem with in the ring?

You know what,
I believe

that if you have a problem
with a fighter in the ring,

then you had a problem with your skills

before she even showed up.

So what I would do is analyze
my own weaknesses,

figure out how someone
was gonna try to beat me,

and then I wouldn't let it happen.

Wait. Not one problem with anybody?

Like, Jackie Frazier?

Oh, you know what?
Don't even start bringing up

them damn Fraziers, okay,

or I'm gonna have a problem with you.

Next thing you'll be asking me

if Rita Foreman has a cookbook,

you know, when her daddy
got all them grills.

Okay, okay, backing off, backing off.

Back on up, now.

You are the Beyonce of boxing.

You got your own clothing line,

cosmetics, fragrances, line of skillets,

jeans, workout tapes.

So what's next for Laila Ali, sleep?

Excuse me, ma'am, you cannot
come in here. We're shooting.

Oh, no, they ain't shooting.

I'm the one that's about to be
shooting, though, for real.

Babe, what are you doing here?

Don't "babe" me.
Sit down.

Is this her?

Her who?

Baby, this is Laila Ali.

Oh, I know who she is.
Stand up.

Oh, no.

Come on, man.
Are you kidding me?

So what, you gonna take
your little boxing baby mama

to Hawaii and try and hide
the baby from me?

Whoa, whoa, wait, you know what?

Listen here, little chick.

I don't know who you are
or what this is about,

but if you call me out my name one
more time, I'm gonna smack you.

Okay, I don't care if you are little.

And I don't care if you are big.

I may only hit you once,
but it's gonna be hard.

Suzanne, have you lost your
mind? She is pregnant.

- Oh, whatever.
- You know what? Let her try.

Me and this baby will knock
her little butt out.

Laila, Laila, please.

Please, let me handle this.
Don't hurt her.

Are you seriously gonna stand there

and protect her over me?

Hell, naw. You know what? Sit down.

And don't you move.

Let me tell you something.

You need to explain yourself.

Lady, if you don't take
your finger out my neck...

Okay, explain yourself.

Why is my man going to Hawaii

with y'all, Laila Ali?

- What?
- Huh?

You know what?
You're crazy.

I'm gonna go ahead and go,

because if I stay,
I'm gonna have

to bop your wife on the top of the head.

Laila, Laila, no, no.

Laila, no, please.

Go ahead.
Go ahead.

Suzanne! Whoa, whoa, this is crazy!

You know what? Don't try
to play dumb, Nick, okay?

I saw your trip to Maui.

You said you were going to Pebble Beach.

I lied about that.

Okay, so finally we get to the truth.

You know what, Nick?

I've had my heart broken before,

so now it's your turn.

So why don't you tell me?

Are you going to Hawaii
with Laila or somebody else?

Somebody else.

Fine.

You know what? Who is it?
What's her name?

Suzanne.

Just tell me, okay?

Suzanne.

Suzanne?

Her name is Suzanne, Nick?

- What?
- It's you.

Look, look, I'm taking you to Hawaii.

Damn, I was trying to be clever.

What do you mean, you're taking me?

Now is not the time to be clever, Nick.

I'm about to shoot you.

Whoa, whoa, baby, baby.

Whoa, hey, okay, look.

It was our honeymoon.

I'm taking you on a honeymoon.

It was supposed to be a surprise.
Give me the gun.

Hawaii?
Are you serious?

Yes.

How did you find out?
Did Gigi say something?

No. Honey, it was on your computer.

I saw it at the house.

Gigi knew about this?

I needed her to clear your schedule, baby.

Honey, get up, get up.

Oh, oh, I love you.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God.

Laila.

Ms. Ali.

I am so sorry.

I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.

Well, I guess it's okay.

Can't get mad at a woman
for coming after her man.

But you know you did almost
get knocked out.

You still have that gun?

- Mm-mm.
- It's right here.

Don't worry about it.

Oh, okay.

If she makes one move,
you hit her as hard as you can, okay?

All right, um, let's pick
it up. Where were we?

Pick it up?
I never stopped rolling.

What?

No, you got to...
You got to erase that.

What?

Yes, I'm telling you,
her fist is, like, this big.

I love her.

- Huge.
- Oh.

Gigi.

One set of Laila Ali
autographed boxing gloves.

Thank you.

Where's my picture?

Let me tell you something.

Suzanne almost got knocked out,
I almost got shot.

You better be glad you got those.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Got your gloves.
Now knock yourself out.

Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye-Bye.

Whoo, looks like we have
a nice trip to look forward to.

Oh, yes, honey.

And lord knows
I could use it.

Well, if you had paid attention

and proofread that thing like I told you,

we wouldn't be in this.

Yeah, but you shouldn't...

Okay, what is going on here?

Lindsey got me in trouble at school.

How did Lindsey get you in trouble

and you don't even go to the same school?

Because Mom asked her
to help me with my homework,

and she wrote my paper.

You did what?

I was only trying to help him,

but he kept playing video games

and I had other things to do.

So that doesn't mean that
you do his assignment for him.

But how did that get you in trouble?

When I was reading the paper
in front of the class.

She put in the wrong information.

Well, what did it say?

"Barack Kevin Obama.

"Born August 14, 1961.

"He is the 65th president
and the first African-Hawaiian

"to ever wear a do-rag

"and listen to Jay-Z in the White House.

"He does not surf,
but he does play basketball,

"enjoys Grape Now & Laters,

"long walks on the beach,
and beating his wife,

"at Xbox.

"Barack Obama rose to prominence
in the ghetto

"and then beat-boxed and pop-locked
his way into the senate,

"where he had three platinum albums

"and four top 40 hits.

"After touring with T-Pain,

"he left the senate and was featured

"on several Kanye West mix tapes.

"Little known Obama fact:

"He won the 2001
MTV Vanguard Award

"for playing bass on the song
Give it away

"by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

"Follow him on Twitter
at Bareezy Obeezy. "

Thanks.

Any questions?

Uh, Kevin, can I speak
to you for a moment, please?

What?