Original subtitles

Hey, Gigi.

Nick, I need you to help me with my shoe.

Sure. Kevin!

Come help Gigi with her shoe.

Thank you.

What's that?

I don't know. What's for dinner?

Chinese. Did you look in the bag?

You said, "Chinese." Is that correct?

No. Suzanne Kingston-Persons.

Thank you.

Who are you talking to?

Automated shipping. I hate it.

You said, "Hate it." Is that correct?

Yes.

I saw that.

Kevin, I need your help. I need to fix the heel on this shoe.

You can fix a shoe heel?

You can if they cost $1,500.

Whoa, you paid $1,500 for a pair of shoes?

No. No. Look in my trunk.

There's a box that says, "Emergency shoe kit."

Give me the drill with the one/16 inch bit

and a one one/2 inch flat wood screw and some epoxy.

Yes, ma'am.

Kevin, what did you just say to me?

"Yes, ma'am"?

Kevin...

"Ma'am"?

Um, how old do you think I am?

I don't know. 40?

Are you okay?

Get the box.

Should we deliver your package to your home or business address?

I'm still home.

You said, "Home." Is that correct?

- Man, this is good. - What?

Good, your package will be delivered to your home. Goodbye.

No, no, no! Damn!

Nick! Lindsey!

What'd we do?

Nothing. It's not your fault.

So who are you talking to?

- No one. - Really?

Would this be the same no one

you were on the phone giggling with till almost midnight?

- You heard that? - No, I tapped your phone.

Please, tell me you're joking.

Why would I tell you that?

Hang up now. Just do it!

Honey, can you stay here tomorrow and get my package?

No.

Why not? You said you were gonna be in the office all day.

Doing my job. You have an assistant. Let her assist.

Fine.

Hope you don't need my assistance later.

Gigi.

Yeah.

I need you to stay here tomorrow.

I accidentally had our package delivered here instead of the office.

Yeah.

Gigi.

Yeah.

What happened?

Well, first, I broke a heel,

and then your son, he...

Did Kevin do something? Kevin!

Nope, nope, no.

You keep that boy away from me.

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Good morning.

Good morning.

Mom, can I go to a football party this week?

Football season is over.

Maybe it's a party to celebrate that it's over.

It's not an actual game. Its video games.

- We play NFL 2011, girls versus boys. It's fun. - Hmm.

Lindsey, since when do you like football?

For a while.

Really? Name one football player.

Ochocinco.

All right, name one football player you haven't seen on a reality show.

Ocho... cuatro?

Right. Who is he?

Who is who?

Do women talk to each other like this all the time?

Pretty much. I just try to stay out of it.

Fine, play dumb. No, you can't go.

All right, all right.

His name is Cedric.

So, tell me about this Cedric.

Is he an entertainer?

Shut up.

He's on the football team.

He listens. He's the best dresser.

Does he wear hats and vests?

Shut up. He's a senior.

You guys would love him.

Nick, what do you think?

She can go out with him, but we have to meet him first.

Thank you! Thank you!

Oh, no.

Gigi.

- Gigi! - What?

You missed the package.

Oh, oh, Suzanne, I'm sorry.

It's just, I drank too much wine last night.

Okay, what is going on with you?

I'm getting old.

No, you're not.

Then why did Kevin call me "ma'am"?

He's supposed to. He's being polite.

And you're getting older, but you're not old.

You know, look at this.

What's that? A mole.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

I got it.

Okay.

Mr. and Mrs. Kingston-Persons?

- Hi. - I'm Cedric.

What's your last name, Abdul-Jabbar?

Have a seat. Lindsey will be down.

I found this slip on your door.

Damn!

You guys have a wonderful home.

How tall are you?

I'm six'2".

Stand up.

Oh, no, you ain't no six'2". I'm six'2".

How old are you?17.

Nick, come on. Have a seat.

Cedric, Lindsey tells me you're with the football team.

What are you, the goalpost?

No, actually, I'm a punter,

but I had to sit out this past season 'cause I tore my ACL.

From what, a growth spurt?

- Hey, Cedric. - Hey, Linds.

Hey.

- Wow, I love that dress. - Thanks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come here. Come here.

Bring it in here. Turn around.

What, you into short people or something, man?

Nick, stop it. Come on, now.

All right, you two go on. Be safe.

- And don't touch her. - Mom.

Ten o'clock, young lady.

It was nice to meet you guys.

- Bye. - Bye.

Did you see how tall that dude was? Oh, my god.

Yeah. But he seemed nice.

- Mm-hmm. - It looks like he likes her.

You're kidding me. You didn't see that?

See what?

Nick, he's gay.

Wait a minute. Are we talking about the same guy?

The young man who just left with your daughter.

How is he gay?

Did you see that sweater and that "Murse"?

A sweater and a bag does not make a man gay.

Well, that ensemble was certainly giving it a shot.

The boy's a football player.

You're right, Nick.

There are no gay football players. That's impossible.

I'm trying to figure this out,

because you cannot be that tall and be gay.

I'll call RuPaul and let him know.

When Lindsey came downstairs, he said, "I love that dress."

She looked good in it.

Exactly. You said, "She looked good in it."

He said, "I love that dress."

You cannot accuse a man of being gay

because of a slip of the tongue.

It's not an accusation.

She's going out with him. I just think she should know.

Well, what are you gonna do?

I mean, you just can't come up to the boy and say, "Hey, are you gay?"

I don't know.

Maybe you should give him a test.

See if he likes E. Lynn Harris or Cher.

What do you know about E. Lynn Harris?

Nothing.

I hope Cedric is gay.

Then we won't have to worry about Lindsey ending up on 16 and pregnant.

What do you know about 16 and pregnant?

Nothing.

So, I can't call Gigi "ma'am" anymore?

Right.

I thought I was being polite.

- You were. - But women don't like that.

Because they're crazy.

What have you been telling him?

Nothing. We talk.

Kevin, women are not crazy.

- Yes, ma'am. - Kevin.

Sorry... sir.

Just end your sentences with no reference to gender. Can you do that?

Yes.

Go brush your teeth. Your breath stinks.

I already did.

- Hey. - Hey, sweetheart.

You have fun yesterday?

It was okay.

Why just okay?

It just seemed like Cedric was more interested

in video games than me.

If you play video games with a guy,

video games will always win. Try doing something else.

Actually, he did ask me to go to the mall with him, but...

Shopping? That's nice.

Did he ask you to go shopping,

or did he ask you to go to the mall?

Because there's a lot of things you could do at the mall

besides shopping. I mean, there are restaurants, movies...

I don't know.

Can I go?

- Sure. - Thanks.

What?

Nothing. She's going to the mall,

to go shopping.

But I left the slip on the door,

and they still didn't leave the package.

Did I check what box? Yes.

Did I sign the line next to the box?

No.

Fine, I'll pick it up tomorrow.

After 11:00. Thank you.

Oh, my god.

You got a speeding ticket for doing 60 miles an hour

in a 35-mile-per-hour zone?

I did not get a ticket because I was doing 60

in a 35-mile-per-hour zone. I got a ticket 'cause I'm old.

Hey, Mr. Kingston-Persons.

- Hey, Cedric. Did Kevin let you in? - Yeah.

All right.

Why would he ask me if I knew D.L. Hughley?

He does that.

- Does Lindsey know you're here? - Yeah.

Well, you know how it is with women.

- It could take them forever. - I know, right?

So you guys are going to the mall, huh?

Grab a bite to eat? Watch a movie? Hit the arcade?

I mean, I don't know about all that.

We're probably just gonna do a little shopping.

Shopping?

I like that shirt, man. Where'd you get that?

Are you gay?

So?

Why would you ask me if I was gay?

Look, you got to understand something here.

Now, excuse me if it seems like I'm overreacting a little,

- but bear with me, okay? - Okay.

Now, for the record, I'm a heterosexual man. All right?

Now, if someone, for some reason,

asked me if I was gay, what do you think I'd say?

I don't think it's any of their business.

I know.

But if someone whose opinion was important to me asked,

I would tell them that I am not gay,

because I would want them to know that I am straight,

because I am.

So with that in mind...

Yeah, I'm gay.

Okay, thank you.

Do you have a problem with it?

With you being gay?

- Yeah. - No.

But I do have a problem.

Have you told Lindsey?

I mean, what difference does it make? We're just friends.

Come on, man. You know what I mean.

She likes you, but you don't like her like that.

So?

So in a minute, she's gonna be asking,

"Why doesn't Cedric like me?"

She's gonna wonder if it's her hair or her clothes,

if she's not cute enough or smart enough.

Yeah, no. I see what you're saying.

If you're gonna be friends, just be friends,

but don't half-step.

Do you like her for who she is?

Yeah.

Well, let her like you for who you are.

Can we still go shopping, though?

You promise not to buy a shirt like I have on?

I don't know. That's a nice shirt.

What color is that, mauve?

So did Lindsey go to the mall with Cedric?

He's gay, okay?

I knew it! I knew it! Mm, mm, mm!

You act like you just won the lottery.

No, it's just... Okay,

I know a gay man when I see one.

In my line of work, you have to be able to read people,

to listen between the lines,

to know who people really are, what they really want,

and what they're really saying.

You can tell that from him talking about Lindsey's dress?

Yep. So did you talk to Lindsey?

No, but I told him he has to tell her.

So how did you find out?

I asked, and he told.

Wow. I'm really proud of you, honey.

Why's that?

Because a lot of straight men are threatened by gay men,

and I think it's stupid, but you've handled this really well.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah, what's that?

Why'd you buy me this shirt?

Well, you're back to your old self.

Well, you know, I've come to terms with the fact that we all age.

You know, it's part of life. It's no big deal.

Mm-hmm.

What's his name?

For the sake of this conversation,

let's just call him "23."

Ooh, 23?

Twenty-three, baby!

Next.

Hi.

How can I assist you today?

I've had a little trouble getting my package.

You see, originally, I wanted it sent to my office...

Can I see your receipt?

- Mm. - What?

You're out of control.

Ah! I know.

Okay, you can't pick your package up

until it's off the truck after 4:00 p.m.

4:00?

You can wait, or you could come back.

But they're gonna bring it back here?

Yes.

Well, then I'll wait over there.

Okay. Next.

Oh!

Okay, now you...

Okay, so I got to go.

I don't understand why we have to sit here all day.

I could be doing something else.

"I could be doing something else."

What, you think this is fun for me?

You think I enjoy sitting here all day

listening to you cackle to your 23-year-old boy toy?

At least you've got somebody who's 23.

You want to know what I got?

- I got hemorrhoids from pushing out two kids. - Ew.

I got an assistant who every 67 minutes and 13 seconds,

says, "I'm hungry."

I've got a chair that faintly reeks of urine.

But what I don't got is my package,

and I'm gonna get it today.

Suzanne.

What?

It's four o'clock, so...Oh.

Next.

Hi. Has this package been retrieved off the truck

that was supposed to be here at four o'clock?

This package was signed for at the delivery address

by a Nick Kingston-Persons at 11:12 a.m. this morning.

What? You're telling me that the package

I've been sitting here waiting for all day

was sent to my house five hours ago?

Next.

- Oh, hey. - What's up, man?

Lindsey, your boyfriend's here!

Cedric, quick question.

Yeah?

Can you sing?

Yeah, I suppose, a little.

Can you dance?

Yeah, I'm pretty good, actually.

So would it be fair to say that people find you...

Entertaining?

Yeah, I guess.

Cool.

- Hey, Cedric. - Hey, Linds.

I didn't know you were coming.

You know, I just wanted to come by and talk to you.

Oh, cool. Well, do you want to hang out in my room?

Uh, maybe we should just stay here, right?

Oh, no, it's cool, as long as the door is open.

Come on.

Whoa, whoa, Linds.

- What is it? - Um...

I need to tell you something.

I am gay.

- You're gay? - Yeah.

Come on, true story?

True story.

Wow. Okay. Well,

that explains a few things.

Like what?

Like, I've been trying to get you to kiss me for, like, a week,

and I was like, "Seriously, does my breath stink or what?"

No, your breath doesn't stink.

Why didn't you tell me before?

I just kind of thought you knew.

How would I know that?

Nobody knows what anybody is anymore,

unless you put out a sex tape.

I can't believe this. I'm in the friend zone.

If you want to be. I mean, if you don't, that's cool.

I'm not gonna not be your friend because you're gay,

but I am a little pissed.

I'm sorry. I should have just told you.

That's fine.

Well, you owe me a movie.

Deal.

I'll see you at school.

Bye.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi.

Was that Cedric?

Yep.

So, how are things going?

He's gay.

What? He is?

You knew? How come you didn't tell me?

Who says that I knew?

The big fake, "He is?"

Well, okay, honey, I wasn't sure.

Well, when did you find out?

Suspected day one, confirmed last night.

But I had your father talk to him.

Oh, no.

No, sweetheart, it's gonna be okay.

Your dad just wanted to make sure that Cedric told you.

Thanks.

- I love you. - I love you, too.

Suzanne, I got your package.

You couldn't call and tell me that?

Good morning.

Good morning.

Okay, what's wrong?

I broke up with him.

- 23? - Yes.

What happened?

Well, apparently, he only dates older women,

and the only reason he was dating me

is because he thought I was in my 30s.

You are in your 30s.

Yeah, but I thought he thought I was in my 20s.

Why are you freaking out about this?

Well, the other evening when I was picking up your Chinese food,

I ran into the running back.

- The one you dated in college. - Yes.

He's been playing pro ball for the past ten years.

He just retired, and he's only 35.

He was walking around like his life was over,

and mine has barely started.

And I was so shocked, I stepped in a grate, broke my heel,

and I came over here, and Kevin called me "ma'am,"

and then he said he thought I was fo...

He said he thought I was f...

He said he thought I was 40.

- Gigi. - What?

Kevin thinks everyone grown is 40.

Watch this. Kevin! Can you come down here, please?

Yes.

Kevin, how old is Beyonce?

I don't know. 40?

How about Rihanna?

About 40, I guess.

Okay, well, let me just get this straight, okay?

You think I'm the same age as Rihanna?

I guess so.

Come here.

I love you.

Gigi, let him go. You're gonna choke him.

Oh, Mom, that's okay.