Original subtitles

I'm telling you, you're gonna like this.

When are we gonna change back to the basketball game?

I didn't come here to watch soccer.

It's not about the soccer.

Man, she better be hot.

Listen, Mexican sideline reporters

and American sideline reporters are two different things.

Yeah, you know how you never see Hannah Storm from the waist down?

- Yeah. - She's the opposite.

No one knows what her face looks like.

- Goal! - Man, look at that. She's so hot.

I would hit Alyssa Milano in the head with Fran Drescher

just to get to her.

Yo, you know what? Shorty make me want to brush up on my habla espanol.

She is so hot, elderly couples from Long Island spend the winter at her.

I could not play football with her on the sidelines.

I'd be dropping passes or running the wrong plays,

showing up to the wrong game.

You did that stuff anyway.

Look, if anything ever happened to me or...

Suzanne, hey. How you doing, baby?

You're home early.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hey, guys.

- Okay. - And that's our cue.

- All right, it's been real. - Good to see you.

- Next week? - Hopefully.

Hey, babe, are you gonna be here next Sunday?

I don't know. Why? You want to go out?

Oh, we could take the ferry over to Bainbridge and have some brunch.

Oh, no, I was thinking about having the guys over again. I mean...

But if you're gonna be here, we'll just go to a bar.

Well, how come I can't be here if the guys are over?

Well, I don't want to disturb you.

I never said you disturbed me.

That's 'cause you're not here while we're watching the game.

I mean, if you were, then you'd probably be disturbed.

Oh, I get it.

You don't want me here when you're watching the game with your little friends.

Why does this have to be about you?

I'm just trying to watch the game.

I like basketball. How come I can't watch?

You can. Just not with us.

Baby. Look, I love you.

But every now and then, I just need some time with the boys, you know?

Man time.

Well, I'm gonna be here,

so you can just go to your funky little bar and have your man time.

Sweetheart, don't be like that. Look, what's for dinner, baby?

I don't know, baby.

Why don't you ask your boys?

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

Please pass the milk.

Are you sure you want me to do it?

Maybe you want one of your boys to pass the milk.

I hope you're not like this when my mother gets here.

Oh, see, I was thinking maybe you didn't want me around when she's here.

I've already interfered with your man time.

I don't want to interfere with your mama time.

Is Grandma coming?

Couple of weeks.

And please, don't call her Grandma. You know she hates that.

- Why is she staying here? - I asked the same thing.

She's moving into a new apartment, and it's not ready yet.

Kevin, she's gonna be sleeping in your room, so make sure it's clean.

I made my bed.

We mean, if there's anything in there you don't want her to see,

get it out of there, now.

- Whose bathroom is she gonna use? - Ours.

So, he told you to your face he didn't want you to see the game with him?

Yes. Can you believe that?

That's great. Suzanne, that man loves you. Shoot, I'm jealous.

Uh, hello!

Are you paying attention?

He told me he doesn't want me around.

He's telling you how he feels.

I mean, I wish I had a man that honest.

No games. No trying to figure out if he really has money,

or is he just saying that so you won't get mad?

So, you think Nick's right?

What do you think? Do you think he's right?

No, which is why I was thinking

that next Sunday, you and I could go to No Hitter,

get the table right next to his, and prove to him that we fit in.

A little stalker-y, don't you think?

You cannot stalk your own husband.

Mmm.

You could be the first.

Lord, I haven't slept in a little boy's bed

since you peed in mine when you were five. Remember?

So, what happened at your old building?

Oh, they're tearing it down.

Apparently, some guy cut corners when they were putting it up,

so now the whole thing is falling apart.

Sounds like Lindsay Lohan.

Could you...I got it.

Well, you know it works for me.

I got temporary housing fees,

and with that money, I was able to buy myself a new watch.

Bam!

Oh!

Don't tell Suzanne about that. She might try to put you out.

Hmm, I wish she'd try.

Hey, Marilyn, can you...

I know. You want me to take you shopping.

I've been saving up to buy something.

Saving up? I'm impressed. What is it?

A pair of Baby Puff pants.

What is a Baby Puff?

It's P. Diddy's daughter. She has her own clothing line.

What's in the collection, leather onesies and platinum sippy cups?

How much do these things cost, anyway?

Hundred and fifty.

Hundred and fifty dollars?

I'm not letting you spend that money on some baby pants.

Girl, I can make that outfit for $20.

All I need is some fabric and my sewing machine.

Really? You can make clothes?

- Where do you think they come from? - Stores.

I told you not to put these kids in public school.

Hey, Mom.

Kevin, what are you doing?

I'm building a tent, because one day, the world's gonna end,

and we're gonna be roaming the streets like nomads,

where only the strong will survive, and I'll be ready.

- Can you open this? - No.

Hey, baby.

Did you tell him he could do that?

Yeah. He wanted to sleep under a bush outside.

Well, I would have appreciated it

if you had talked to me about it.

Or maybe this is another one of those conversations

you can only have with your boys.

All right. All right.

Game, set. Ah, match.

Uh, but you are being unreasonable.

I'm not being unreasonable.

Okay, you're not.

Don't patronize me.

I'm not patronizing you. I'm agreeing with you.

But if you don't believe in what you're agreeing to,

then you're patronizing me, and I don't want you to give up your principles

just to please me or start lying to me

and doing things behind my back because you think I can't handle the truth.

- Nick, I married you for who you are. - What are you talking about?

I mean, are we arguing? Are we agreeing? What?

You want me to take you back through it?

No, no, look.

Do you want to come watch the game with us on Sunday?

Are you asking me?

Uh, I thought that's what I just did.

No, you asked me if I wanted to come.

You didn't say you wanted me to come.

Okay. Suzanne,

I would like for you to come watch the game with me and the boys on Sunday.

Would you like to go with me?

Why you got to say it like I'm two?

Okay, okay. I'm just playing.

Yes, thank you. I would love to come.

Mmm.

Man, she got all up in your head.

Day six. It's getting rough out here.

I miss my family

and I'm almost out of Honey Oh's.

Wow. You're good at that. Where'd you learn how to sew?

School. They used to actually teach you stuff.

See, you used to get out of school, you had a diploma,

could get a job and lead a life.

Now, you get out of school, you're in debt, dumb and back at home.

What's a diploma?

Oh, Lord.

Anyway, we didn't wear designers back then.

And there was none of this shopping all year long. Oh, no.

You got your new clothes at the end of August,

and they had to last you the whole year.

But what if they went out of style?

Then you went right with them.

Excuse me, ma'am. Mind if I use your plug?

What you supposed to be?

- The future. - Go ahead.

See, that's the problem with imagination.

Can I get you guys something else?

Si, si, a plate of nachos, por favor.

I'm not Spanish.

I know, but you got me speaking in tongues.

Man, I would love to get lost at sea with you.

In that scenario, we'd both end up dead.

Listen, I want to apologize for the behavior of my friends.

It's their make-a-wish day.

But if you'd like to get together

and I could apologize more, you know, vigorously...

Whatever, Robin Thicke. Walking away.

Watching you walk.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Hey.

Look who I got with me.

- Hi. - Wow, hey you guys.

- What's up, guys? - There you go.

Nick, you didn't mention you were bringing Suzanne.

Ah, you know, it's funny. Nick didn't want me to come,

but I said, "I like your friends. I like basketball."

- I thought this would be fun. - Well, good for you.

Great story. Nick, I have got to show you

this autographed jersey they have out front.

I saw it on the way in.

No, you didn't. This way, please.

What the hell is wrong with you, man?

You heard her. I told her not to come.

Well, then, what is she doing here?

I asked her to come.

Why would you do that?

Dude, I'm married.

Now, where's this autographed jersey?

Yes, baby.

That's what I'm talking about.

Here you go, sweetie.

Gracias.

Does your wife know you speak Spanish?

Uh, no comprende?

"Sweetie," huh? Somebody's looking for a big tip.

Oh!

- Did you guys see that? - No.

Damn.

Rondo is playing like a little girl.

Why doesn't he just take it to the hole?

That's because every time he does, they put him on his back.

- Thank you. - I like the kid.

- Me too. - Ten bucks

- says he scores next time up the floor. - Definitely.

I'm in. I want some of that action.

Okay, y'all must like losing your money.

Honey, can I have $10?

- Yes! - Oh!

Man.

You're gonna give me a chance to win my money back, right?

All right, Danny Devito, trying to man up.

Ten bucks says that's a ten.

No way I'm taking that bet.

Boo yah!

What? What?

Twenty bucks that's a charge.

- No, no way. - All right, that's my last $20.

Ha!

Oh, my God.

- Come to mama. - That's it. I'm done. No more.

- Me too. - What about you, Martin?

You want to go again, double or nothing?

I think I'm gonna have to go with nothing. I am Toni Braxton broke.

Well, I guess we're done here. I'll see you guys next week.

Yeah, definitely.

- All right, guys. - Yeah, see you later, Nick.

- That was fun. - Yeah.

Hey, guys. We're home.

Hey, everybody. Hey, Kevin.

So, how was the game?

- Oh, it was good. - Oh!

Mom, Dad, look what me and Marilyn made.

Oh, my God, those are amazing. You made those, Marilyn?

That's right. Stick with me. You might learn something.

I can't believe it. They look just like the real Baby Puffs.

But here's the best part. Bam! I got my own designer logo.

Go take those off. I need to finish the inside seams.

Okay.

Nice work, Marilyn.

You're lucky I'm staying here, or I'd be charging you a grip.

Today was a good day. Plus, I got some spa money.

I am tickled pink that you had a good time.

Oh, come on. Don't pout.

Admit it. The guys had a blast, and you know it.

It may have looked that way to you,

but what you just witnessed

was a master performance of a show called

"Men Holding Back 'Cause a Woman was There."

Okay. You are just mad because you wanted it to suck and it didn't.

You wouldn't say that if it was you.

Oh, no, see, that's where you're wrong,

because women don't need to change their behavior

just because there's a man in the room.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some spa appointments to book.

Oh...

And I want my $65.

Buenos dias, ladies.

Hi. Hola.

Gracias. De nada.

For you?

- Thank you. - You're very welcome. Ciao.

Ciao.

I love this spa.

Whoo.

That boy would make me get my weave wet.

And I know he broke, but he almost makes me want to slum it.

Well, I'm glad I don't know what his name is,

'cause I might accidentally say it in my sleep.

For the purpose of this conversation, let's just call him... Nick!

Nick, hi.

Hey. Who's ready to get pampered?

Avocado hot stone shiatsu massage. Oh, that sounds messy.

What are you guys gonna get? I'm getting the Nicky massage.

I'm getting the First Lady,

and my cousin here is going for Oprah's big "O."

It's organic.

That sounds good.

Oh, Suzanne, look, cucumber water.

- I have water. - No, no, not this water.

- What's wrong with your man? - What?

You know Jevonne's boyfriend just cheated on her.

I mean, we're trying to cheer her up.

We can't do that with your man here.

Well, I didn't know he was coming.

How can you not know he was coming?

He's my husband. How am I supposed to know what he's doing?

- Is that the cucumber water? - Girl, sit down.

So, what do you say, Spalding? You want to surf the web?

No?

Yeah, you're right.

I guess I do need to conserve the battery.

How about just one video?

Let's go for a classic.

Okay, let's see.

I used to listen to this song when I was a kid.

It's called "The Good Life."

It's good, right?

Try not to sing so loud.

Kevin.

Shh.

- I know you're in there. - We don't want no trouble.

Ain't got nothing here for you.

And I'm telling you, you don't want to come check.

Whatever.

When Marilyn wakes up from her nap, tell her I went to the mall.

It was about to get violent.

Oh!

Now, this would look good on your toes.

Mojo melon, huh?

Okay. Suzanne, you didn't tell me Nick knows so much about toes.

I didn't know.

I didn't think most black men cared about feet at all till we saw Boomerang.

- That changed everything. - Oh, my God. Boomerang.

Eddie Murphy.

Oh, for years, I wouldn't date anybody that didn't have a mustache. All that chocolate.

Can you believe Halle Berry played the plain girl in that movie?

I know, right?

And Eartha Kitt. "I am not wearing any panties, Marcus."

You know what? This would look good on you.

You put this on, me and your toes are gonna need a moment to ourselves.

Here.

Look at this. Another reality show, Real Housewives of Hip-Hop.

What?

Now, you know there only but three wives in all of rap.

Everybody else is just a baby mama.

That's what they should name the show, the Real House of Baby Mamas.

See, I couldn't have all those cameras in my house.

Oh, they might catch some of that toe activity.

- How are you doing, senoritas? - Good.

- Oh, I'm great. - Fine.

Fantastic. I'll be back to check on you in a few.

Okay.

- Those pants are tight. - I know.

Those pants make skinny jeans look like sweats.

I know.

And that shirt was so tight.

I bet he could only breathe through one lung at a time.

Look, you do push-ups, dude. We get it, all right?

- The auditions for Twilight are over. - Right.

Shemar Moore called. He wants to challenge you to an eyebrow wax-off.

Oh, that's funny.

You can't get tighter than that. It's impossible.

It's ridiculous.

Nick? We're ready for your pedicure.

Uh...

You're getting a pedicure?

Well, I was gonna get some of these lumps on my head worked on,

but getting my feet cleaned up just seemed like the way to go.

All right, ladies, I will see you on the other side.

- All right. - Next time, bring your boyfriend.

Let's make a plan.

All right, Nick, you better work. Look at him. He looks so funny.

Bye, Nick.

Hey.

- Hey. - Hey, sweetie. Look at you.

- Marilyn, are you leaving? - Yeah, they got my place.

And as sad as it makes me to have to leave here...

Got to go.

Fresh white carpet awaits.

Hey, turn around here and let me take a good look at your little fine self.

- That is a nice jacket. Where'd you get it? - It's a Baby Puff.

For $100?

Since I saved the money by making the pants, I got the jacket instead.

Lindsey, the only reason I made you those pants

was because I was trying to teach you the value of a dollar.

And then you turn around and pay $100 for that?

Girl, you missed my point entirely.

I'm sorry, Marilyn, but you kind of missed my point, too.

And what would that be?

I wanted some Baby Puff.

You know, you ain't too old to get choked.

I'm surprised more kids don't go missing.

- Hey, honey. - Hey, babe. Where's Kevin?

Uh, he smelled.

I made him take down his tent and get in the shower.

You look relaxed.

My feet feel so good from that pedicure, I can't stand up.

All that soaking, massaging, moisturizing, clipping, buffing, polishing.

I have never been treated that nice in my life.

Well, I'm glad that you had a good time.

I had a great time.

But, honestly, I was doing it to get back at you.

I thought I'd feel uncomfortable around your girls,

but they were cool.

No, they weren't, and neither was I.

Nick, you proved your point.

I need to let you and your boys hang and have fun.

I'm sorry.

Hold on. Can you say that again?

Nick Kingston-Persons, I'm sorry.

An apology and a pedicure.

Throw in a clock radio and some socks

and I don't need another gift till I retire.

Well, listen,

I'm glad that you had a great time.

But I never want to see you in that place again.

- Can I go when you're not there? - No.

What am I gonna tell that white girl, then?