Original subtitles

On our watch.

This is going to be cool.

Yeah.

Morning wood.

I saw a dog with morning wood once.

So, like, when you say you saw a dog with morning wood, do you mean, like,

had a wood drill or the dog did?

We both did, I think.

Check this out.

Do you have any horses?

No, we only have wild animals here.

How about, like, really big dog?

Wild animals only.

So, like, do you have any woodpecker?

Woodpecker. Why don't you kids go annoy the animals or something?

Paladin chain?

Uh, yeah.

Wow. Boy, they sure look different.

Uh, maybe it's because I had to, like, you know, clean themselves up, you know,

because it's a slow song.

Yeah, I'll buy that.

You remember that time we went to the circus and we saw that clown?

And then I, like, pulled down my pants. Whoa, check it out. I just saw a nipple,

but it looked... Where?

It was like right at the end of a boob.

Beavis, that's just a puppet nipple.

No, it wasn't. What do you mean?

That's just like a chick made out of clay, Beavis.

Yeah,

but she had a nipple on it.

Beavis, I could go get some clay now and make a boob with a nipple on it. So

what?

Wait a minute. Do you have some clay?

No.

Next time they have those clay projects in school, I'm going to make a big boo.

Maybe a butt, too.

Yeah.

Last time you just made an ashtray.

It's fucked.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you made a baseball.

Oh, yeah.

Then the teacher called me a lazy turd.

So then you made that.

Yeah.

But not out of clay.

Which is so long that the elephant uses it to feed himself.

That would be cool.

Yeah.

But I don't see it. Where is it?

Where?

His nose is, like, in the way.

Are there any questions back there?

Yeah, yeah.

Who has the biggest, uh, you know, thingies?

Uh, what do you mean?

He means, like, which animals have the biggest thingies?

Oh, yeah, that too.

Well, I suppose it depends on what you mean by thingies.

Giraffes do have very long necks.

Unfortunately, our giraffe is laid up with a pulled groin muscle.

She's a little long.

Well, next on our tour is a gorilla.

This animal's natural habitat is the jungles of Central Africa, and his diet

includes... When he's bad or something, do you ever, like, have to spank your

monkey?

No, we don't permit any violence towards any of our animals.

As I was saying, the gorilla's diet includes... Because Beavis would be

spank his monkey.

Shut up, Dillweed.

Gentlemen, if you can't behave yourselves, I'll have to ask you to

tour. Uh, okay. Yeah, okay.

No problem.

The female zebra's reluctance to mate is difficult to comprehend, since the male

of the species is extremely well endowed, as you can see.

Whoa.

Tours suck.

Yeah.

They never talk about anything cool.

Coming up next, Butthead helps an old lady across Snake River Canyon.

Stay tuned.

All these animals must have been, like, sprayed or something.

Yeah, yeah. And someone, like, cut their wieners off. And their dads, too.

This move sucks.

Let's get out of here.

Yeah, really.

Whoa.

Snakes.

Yeah, cool.

Whoa, are they going to show a movie?

We're in the snake home, fart knocker.

They have to keep it dark because of the snakes.

It, like, makes them scarier or something. Oh, yeah.

Cool. There's, like, snakes everywhere.

Yeah.

You know, I bet, like, lots of chicks get real, uh, excited in this place.

Especially if a snake, like, escapes from its cage or something.

Yeah. They get all excited and go, snake, snake, snake!

Did he say snake? Escape.

Escape, snake. Oh, my God. Where? Help! Help! Snake!

We're gonna die.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That old dude gets a pretty good sound out of that banjo.

You rock.

Uh,

is this Skinner?

No, wait.

Hey, buddy, that's that guy from that Ozzy video.

Uh, what Ozzy video?

Uh, it's that Ozzy video with that chick.

Oh, yeah.

That one. You know, that one, um, the one with that chick, like, that's, like,

drowning in all those, uh, tears?

Mm -hmm. And, like, you know, he's got that guitar and he goes... Remember

that?

Oh, yeah.

That was cool.

That old dude should start his own band.

Yeah, yeah. It's like they could rock out, and it's like they could go

Yeah.

Fishing is cool.

Yeah, yeah.

I like going fishing with worms.

It's like you take the worm, and you put that worm blower in it, and it'll blow

up its butt.

What are you talking about, Viva?

You know, you got like a little pump, and you stick them up the worm's butt.

know what I'm talking about.

No, I don't, Beaver.

Yeah, like, it makes them float or something.

Oh, yeah!

Yeah, yeah!

What was in your mind?

Uh... There's a snake! There's a snake! There's a snake! We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!

I got him!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.

I got him! I got him!

Don't let go, Beaver.

Yeah, yeah, I got him good.

He's not that big.

Yeah.

He's a pretty small snake.

Help!

Snake!

Hit the lights!

Quick, turn on the lights!

What the hell?

I thought you had him, dumbass.

You said you had him.

Uh,

I think he, like, escaped or something.

Yeah, yeah, he got away. We had him, though.

It's a Flintstone.

Pleased to make your acquaintance. Please say hello to my butt.

Yeah.

My butt rocks.

My rock butt.

This isn't a Flintstone.

This is Roseanne. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there's Roseanne. That was Buttfan.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Buttit. Is this what the Stone Age was really like?

No, it was more like Jurassic Park.

Yeah, the special effects were better back then.

It was like intact, intact, intact, intact, intact, intact.

Yeah.

Fuck, that's what I'm trying to say.

Yeah.

If these were real cavemen, they'd, like, have long hair and beards and

be, like, sniffing each other's butts and, like, beating each other up with

rocks and, like, pulling women around by their hair.

Really?

Hey, buddy, I bet my Uncle Louie's a caveman. Oh, yeah.

Do cavemen, like, have cars up on blocks on their front lawn?

Uh, I think so.

Yeah, yeah, that's him. He's a caveman. Yeah, I know that.