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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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Hmm...
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_
4
00:00:14,266 --> 00:00:15,267
Hmm!
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00:00:15,625 --> 00:00:17,210
Read it and weep.
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00:00:19,504 --> 00:00:22,923
An A? I do read it and I do weep.
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Oh! My special little guy.
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Hmm...
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This isn't Bart's work.
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00:00:29,701 --> 00:00:30,750
_
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He used an artificial intelligence app
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called CheatGPT to write his essay.
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So what? It's not illegal.
14
00:00:37,022 --> 00:00:40,024
It doesn't have to be
illegal to be unethical.
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Your words mean nothing,
and your face is a butt.
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Do too and... [BLOWS RASPBERRY]
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[BLOWING RASPBERRIES]
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[MARGE] Hey! Tongues down.
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Just give me a moment to say goodbye.
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[SIGHS]
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All right, we lost her.
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00:00:57,959 --> 00:01:00,154
Dad, can you please explain to Bart why
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using AI to do his homework is wrong?
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Yeah, sure, uh...
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"Relying on artificial
intelligence to complete assignments
26
00:01:08,470 --> 00:01:11,764
could undermine the development
of critical analytical skills."
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00:01:11,986 --> 00:01:17,186
What? You just prompted CheatGPT
to write that speech for you.
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[HOMER] Mmm.
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00:01:18,642 --> 00:01:19,671
_
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Give me back my phone-brain,
so me father better parent good.
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[GROANS]
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Ugh, those poor teachers. How
are they gonna deal with this?
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"In conclusion, the protagonist embraces
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the story's central dichotomy
of familiar versus exotic,
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thus realizing that he does enjoy
green eggs in addition to ham."
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I'm supposed to believe that
was written by Ralph Wiggum?
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[GRUNTS]
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It's the AI. We can't keep up with it.
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[TEACHER 1] Help us.
You gotta do something.
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It's just not okay. You
have to do something.
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We're aware the students are
using CheatGPT on their devices,
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so in order to stay
one step ahead of them,
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we've purchased AI detection software.
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00:01:59,258 --> 00:02:01,277
_
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[SCOFFS] Teacher's Net?
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As always, the teachers
are four steps behind.
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[CHUCKLING]
48
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We've only got five
minutes in the server room
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00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,214
before Lunchlady Dora
comes down to spit chaw.
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Oh, no problem.
51
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:17,970
Just let me install this patch
and detection software overridden.
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00:02:18,385 --> 00:02:21,349
Okay, they've destroyed
our detection software
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00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:24,101
and somehow also locked
us out of the microwave.
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00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,229
Oh, my ramen is in there!
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It just keeps spinning.
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00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,376
We're not beaten yet.
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00:02:31,377 --> 00:02:33,587
We're installing a
state-of-the-art firewall,
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so that our system is unhackable.
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[CHUCKLES] They think we
can't get around a firewall.
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Say hello to my little VPN.
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The firewall has fallen.
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[ALL] No!
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Gods, man, we're breached.
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That's it. We have no choice
but to invoke the banana option.
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Why is all our homework about bananas?
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"Einstein's theory of relativity is a
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linchpin in modern banana science." Huh?
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00:03:02,575 --> 00:03:05,201
- They ghost-prompted us.
- Explain.
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[GRUNTS] I was gonna.
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The teachers hid the word
"banana" in our assignments
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00:03:10,041 --> 00:03:12,043
in invisible white text.
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- Explain further.
- [DEVIN GRUNTS]
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[GROANS] So when we pasted the
homework prompts into CheatGPT,
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we didn't realize we also
asked it to write about bananas.
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00:03:21,824 --> 00:03:23,038
_
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00:03:23,091 --> 00:03:24,744
_
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They banana us, we'll banana them.
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00:03:28,788 --> 00:03:30,449
[YELPS, SIGHS]
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We banana-ed them, they banana-ed us.
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[CHALMERS] Skinner!
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Your IT spending is
through the roof, Seymour.
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The battle against AI isn't cheap, sir.
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Well, the solution is simple.
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I'm going to announce
it today at assembly.
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And why do I smell bananas?
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Um... Because I'm happy to see you?
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Ye... [SIGHS]
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I am thrilled to announce
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00:03:53,084 --> 00:03:57,713
that Springfield Elementary
is now a phone-free school.
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_
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[ALL GASP, GROAN]
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And all the homework will
be handwritten in class.
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00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,014
[CLAMORING]
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00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:12,018
Trust me, cell phone distraction
is the enemy of learning.
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00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:14,771
In fact, that was the
subject of my master's thesis
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00:04:14,772 --> 00:04:17,440
at the Ogdenville State University.
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00:04:17,441 --> 00:04:21,361
This is just like Animal
Farm, and we're the bananas.
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00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,822
Everyone, put your
phone in these pouches,
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00:04:23,823 --> 00:04:26,492
which renders them unusable
until the end of the day.
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[BEEPING]
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[HIGH-PITCHED WHINE]
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Nice try, bucko.
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00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:34,541
[NELSON CHUCKLES]
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[SIGHS] You know, I used to like
Chalmers 'cause he'd yell at Seymour.
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00:04:38,629 --> 00:04:40,547
Thanks to him, I know what
the word "impotent" means.
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00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:43,299
This has gone too far. We've
gotta get rid of this guy.
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00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:45,802
But how do you get a
superintendent fired?
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Gary Chalmers is like a
mouse in a bubble bath.
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Squeaky clean.
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Hmm?
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00:04:52,476 --> 00:04:53,977
Huh? [GROANS]
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Unless...
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Chalmers said he went to
Ogdenville State, right?
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Yeah, that's where he said
he did his master's "feces".
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00:05:01,819 --> 00:05:06,156
Why don't we shake that
thesis and see what falls out?
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Plagiarism? I-I'm not a plagiarist.
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00:05:09,493 --> 00:05:12,912
Well, we got an anonymous
tip about some improprieties
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00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,414
in your graduate work.
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Ironically, the AI software you
authorized to catch the kids cheating,
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it caught you.
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00:05:20,171 --> 00:05:22,088
But I would never cheat.
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You neglected to put quotation marks
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00:05:24,354 --> 00:05:26,342
around two different cited passages,
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00:05:26,343 --> 00:05:30,346
and it's like the difference
between "ibid" and "op cit"
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00:05:30,347 --> 00:05:32,515
means absolutely nothing to you.
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00:05:32,516 --> 00:05:37,187
Comptroller, surely these are
inconsequential infractions.
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00:05:37,188 --> 00:05:40,523
We have "a zero tolerance policy
when it comes to plagiarism",
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00:05:40,524 --> 00:05:42,692
and I'm using quote fingers accurately
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because I'm citing the author
of our school honor code: You.
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00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:47,437
_
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[SIGHS]
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Hoist with my own petard.
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Stealing from Shakespeare.
You're shameless. And fired.
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00:05:53,871 --> 00:05:55,872
[GROANS]
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00:05:55,873 --> 00:05:57,749
Punctual as always, Willie.
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00:05:57,750 --> 00:06:01,085
- Leave him on the hood of his car?
- As per protocol.
137
00:06:01,086 --> 00:06:04,297
So, I guess my dad stole
some words or something.
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00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:06,341
Anyway, he was arrested.
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00:06:06,342 --> 00:06:09,136
I wasn't arrested. I was fired.
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00:06:10,836 --> 00:06:13,295
Always told the students that
when they look in the mirror,
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00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:15,934
they should be proud of the
person looking back at them.
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00:06:16,519 --> 00:06:17,519
[GROANS]
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00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:21,148
Now that I'm no longer superintendent,
I don't know who I see anymore.
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00:06:22,566 --> 00:06:23,567
[SIGHS]
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00:06:25,891 --> 00:06:27,517
Yeah, I think he got arrested.
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00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:32,951
[CHALMERS SIGHS]
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00:06:32,952 --> 00:06:34,870
[CONTINUES SIGHING]
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00:06:35,621 --> 00:06:38,039
Oh, a bartender's favorite song:
149
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,750
The sigh of a depressed
loser with money to burn.
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00:06:40,751 --> 00:06:43,211
Actually, I, uh, lost my job.
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00:06:43,212 --> 00:06:44,629
[SUCKING SOUND]
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00:06:44,630 --> 00:06:46,506
Fired. Oh, man, that's rough.
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00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:50,218
- Yeah, we've all been there.
- You can talk to us, or...
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00:06:50,219 --> 00:06:53,414
I devoted my life to public
service, and what do I get, hmm?
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00:06:53,425 --> 00:06:57,636
A backstab from the searing
knife of academic technicality.
156
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:00,728
And that's when I went from
intendant to superintendent.
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00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:03,982
I took the title over the pay
bump, never leaving a child behind,
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00:07:03,983 --> 00:07:05,858
even though sometimes I desperately...
159
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,735
Oh, I desperately wanted to do that.
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00:07:07,736 --> 00:07:11,740
[SIGHS] At least I've got a new
place to spend all my time, huh?
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00:07:13,409 --> 00:07:15,451
This must not come to pass.
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00:07:15,452 --> 00:07:16,945
I thought he was gonna be our Frasier,
163
00:07:16,955 --> 00:07:18,538
but it turns out he's our Rebecca.
164
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:21,541
Do something. Talking
to him was your idea.
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00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:24,962
Talking to him was my idea. I
didn't know we had to listen to him.
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00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,131
Hey, Mr. Fascinating,
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00:07:28,132 --> 00:07:32,010
you know what might make you less
of a massively annoying bummer?
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00:07:32,011 --> 00:07:34,470
I could get you a job
at the power plant.
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00:07:34,471 --> 00:07:38,141
Oh, please, why would they want
to hire a disgraced educator?
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00:07:38,142 --> 00:07:40,602
A middle-aged man past his prime?
171
00:07:40,603 --> 00:07:44,480
But let me tell you how
citations should really work, huh?
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00:07:44,481 --> 00:07:46,899
[GRUNTS] Mmm. Hmm?
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00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:49,694
[SIGHS] Sweet silence at last.
174
00:07:49,695 --> 00:07:51,280
[CARL, LENNY, HOMER SIGH]
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00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,074
Get off my lawn, you drunks!
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00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,825
[BIRD SQUAWKS]
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00:07:55,826 --> 00:07:58,871
[♪ HUMMING]
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00:08:01,790 --> 00:08:04,584
Are you going to eat a third
crumb cake, or is that about it?
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00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:07,420
Hey, it's Super-Custodian Chalmers.
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00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:08,630
Just call me Gary.
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00:08:08,631 --> 00:08:11,007
Rather not be reminded
about what I am now.
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00:08:11,008 --> 00:08:12,550
How's your first day going?
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00:08:12,551 --> 00:08:14,594
Well, I've already
cleaned the workstations,
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00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,512
de-gunked the eye wash annex,
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00:08:16,513 --> 00:08:18,419
and origamied the exposed square of
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00:08:18,429 --> 00:08:21,768
toilet paper in each
stall, like so. Hmm?
187
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:24,979
Buddy, buddy, you're
giving 110% right now.
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00:08:24,980 --> 00:08:28,149
You need to cut that in
half to, um... uh... uh...
189
00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:30,693
- Fifty-five percent.
- No, that's way too high.
190
00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:34,197
Uh, what about initiative
and pride in a job well done?
191
00:08:34,198 --> 00:08:37,033
Ugh, you're even doing too
much work in this argument.
192
00:08:37,034 --> 00:08:41,121
You need to simply appear
busy. Come on, walk with me.
193
00:08:42,331 --> 00:08:44,749
Actually, I'm pretty
sure I outrank a janitor,
194
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:47,628
so I'm gonna need you to push
me around in your trash can.
195
00:08:58,722 --> 00:09:01,140
Good Lord. I mean,
they're more checked out
196
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,226
than the public schoolteachers.
197
00:09:03,227 --> 00:09:04,936
See? You're working too hard.
198
00:09:04,937 --> 00:09:07,820
Take a seat, relax, enjoy a crumb cake
199
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,733
while I explain the
most important thing.
200
00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:15,154
You need to develop a sixth sense,
for when the boss is about to...
201
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,572
Ahem.
202
00:09:16,573 --> 00:09:18,741
[STAMMERS] I am so sorry, sirs...
203
00:09:18,742 --> 00:09:19,867
Taking a break?
204
00:09:19,868 --> 00:09:21,244
Punish him, Smithers.
205
00:09:21,245 --> 00:09:23,705
I'd do it myself, but that
"ahem" took too much out of me.
206
00:09:23,706 --> 00:09:27,125
The tunnels behind the cooling
towers need cleaning right now.
207
00:09:27,427 --> 00:09:28,584
Chalmers!
208
00:09:28,585 --> 00:09:31,588
Yes, sir. Right, right,
right away, sir. Yes.
209
00:09:33,652 --> 00:09:34,695
Ooh. [CHOMPS]
210
00:09:36,427 --> 00:09:39,345
"Chalmers!" I mean, who talks like that?
211
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,514
If I had underlings,
I'd treat them with...
212
00:09:41,515 --> 00:09:45,436
What the hell was that? Who's
there? Wha-What touched me? [GRUNTS]
213
00:09:46,770 --> 00:09:48,856
Well, Lord Tennyson in a top hat!
214
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:55,862
Oh, dear God, some sort of
mutated nuclear super snails.
215
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,780
Shoo. Shoo, now. Shoo, go away.
216
00:09:57,781 --> 00:09:59,657
Please, take pity on a broken man
217
00:09:59,658 --> 00:10:02,703
who's had every last shred of his
dignity stripped away from him.
218
00:10:03,287 --> 00:10:09,375
[ELONGATED SCREAM]
219
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:13,464
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
220
00:10:17,468 --> 00:10:19,302
[SCREAMS WEAKLY]
221
00:10:19,303 --> 00:10:21,095
[PANTING]
222
00:10:21,096 --> 00:10:23,890
[SCREAMING RESUMES]
223
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,975
Horror movies suck now.
224
00:10:25,976 --> 00:10:29,270
Forty-five minutes and there
hasn't been a single jump scare.
225
00:10:29,271 --> 00:10:30,688
- [THUNDERCLAP]
- [SCREAMS]
226
00:10:30,689 --> 00:10:32,279
Dad, you look...
227
00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:35,793
I know, I know. I look like a
pathetic failure of a father,
228
00:10:35,804 --> 00:10:38,138
of a school administrator, of a man.
229
00:10:38,149 --> 00:10:41,276
Shut up! I was gonna
say you look amazing.
230
00:10:41,447 --> 00:10:42,466
Really?
231
00:10:42,477 --> 00:10:45,105
Bro, spill your skincare
routine right now.
232
00:10:45,704 --> 00:10:47,790
All I did was lie in a tunnel covered
233
00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:50,541
in the mucus of absurdly large snails.
234
00:10:50,542 --> 00:10:53,002
Snail slime? [GASPS]
Did you bring me any?
235
00:10:53,003 --> 00:10:54,203
Dad, give it.
236
00:10:54,214 --> 00:10:56,382
Why on earth would you want snail mucus?
237
00:10:56,507 --> 00:10:58,508
It's called mucin, stupid.
238
00:10:58,509 --> 00:11:00,301
It contains regenerative
healing properties
239
00:11:00,302 --> 00:11:01,511
and boosts collagen.
240
00:11:01,512 --> 00:11:03,965
TL;DR, it makes your face snatched.
241
00:11:04,067 --> 00:11:06,107
People pay, like, actual money for it.
242
00:11:06,118 --> 00:11:08,204
They pay for this mucin?
243
00:11:10,062 --> 00:11:11,646
Sir, for the Christmas card this year,
244
00:11:11,647 --> 00:11:14,315
would you like the hound's
pajamas to match yours
245
00:11:14,504 --> 00:11:16,588
or just tastefully complement them?
246
00:11:16,599 --> 00:11:19,570
Hmm. Can we prepare both
and decide on the day?
247
00:11:19,571 --> 00:11:20,739
Oh, absolutely.
248
00:11:22,241 --> 00:11:23,557
Gentlemen.
249
00:11:23,568 --> 00:11:27,113
Oh, Smithers, I must thank you for
firing that old janitor yesterday.
250
00:11:27,246 --> 00:11:30,706
It's invigorating to see some
fresh, young faces around here.
251
00:11:30,707 --> 00:11:33,752
Actually, I... I think that
is the same old janitor.
252
00:11:34,471 --> 00:11:36,002
The very same.
253
00:11:36,013 --> 00:11:40,016
But how? You look amazing. Spill
your skincare routine right now.
254
00:11:40,259 --> 00:11:43,010
You know my daughter,
Shauna, said the same thing.
255
00:11:43,011 --> 00:11:45,304
Shauna Chalmers complimented you?
256
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:48,015
- That's huge, sir.
- Ooh.
257
00:11:48,016 --> 00:11:51,853
I believe that the slime of
the specially adapted snails
258
00:11:51,854 --> 00:11:57,108
here at the plant rejuvenated my
skin, and I have a way to monetize it.
259
00:11:57,109 --> 00:11:58,944
And why should we listen to you?
260
00:12:00,279 --> 00:12:03,114
[GASPS] A businessman.
261
00:12:03,115 --> 00:12:04,282
[PHONE BEEPS]
262
00:12:04,283 --> 00:12:06,450
[GASPS] A business plan.
263
00:12:06,451 --> 00:12:11,330
Gentlemen, snail mucin as skincare
is a $4-billion-a-year business.
264
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:14,834
You have the raw material, the
man power and the infrastructure.
265
00:12:15,086 --> 00:12:16,711
All you're missing is a visionary
266
00:12:16,712 --> 00:12:19,381
who can take this
enterprise to the next level.
267
00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:20,924
Me.
268
00:12:21,729 --> 00:12:23,329
_
269
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:30,100
Yes. Yes, quite.
270
00:12:32,354 --> 00:12:33,921
_
271
00:12:34,271 --> 00:12:35,688
Welcome to Men-trepreneurs,
272
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:40,484
the podcast that finally celebrates
companies run by and for men.
273
00:12:40,485 --> 00:12:41,986
[WHOOPING, CHEERING]
274
00:12:41,987 --> 00:12:44,301
Today, we look at the rocketing success
275
00:12:44,311 --> 00:12:47,408
of the men's skincare brand Escarbro.
276
00:12:47,409 --> 00:12:51,495
Please welcome the founder
and CE-Bro, Gary Chalmers.
277
00:12:51,496 --> 00:12:53,080
[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]
278
00:12:53,081 --> 00:12:55,082
Well, it's an honor to be here,
279
00:12:55,083 --> 00:12:57,501
and, you know, I've been a
Patreon supporter of yours
280
00:12:57,502 --> 00:13:00,421
ever since $5 a month
became nothing to me.
281
00:13:00,422 --> 00:13:03,633
So, Gary, you used to be
in the public sector, no?
282
00:13:03,634 --> 00:13:05,092
[BOOING]
283
00:13:05,093 --> 00:13:07,163
Yes, boo my lost decades.
284
00:13:07,174 --> 00:13:10,510
However, I have nothing but
gratitude for that broken path
285
00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:15,103
because it brought me to a
dank tunnel of snail secretions.
286
00:13:15,604 --> 00:13:16,938
Gratitude is huge.
287
00:13:16,939 --> 00:13:18,522
So grateful for it.
288
00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:20,441
Gratitude's my oxygen.
289
00:13:20,442 --> 00:13:22,777
Oh, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.
290
00:13:22,778 --> 00:13:23,945
Thanksgiving's my Christmas.
291
00:13:23,946 --> 00:13:26,197
We don't even celebrate
Christmas, just two Thanksgivings.
292
00:13:26,198 --> 00:13:29,186
Well, anyway, that nuclear snail hole,
293
00:13:29,196 --> 00:13:31,118
and I write about this in the book,
294
00:13:31,119 --> 00:13:34,497
it phase-shifted me from
a misguided do-gooder
295
00:13:34,498 --> 00:13:36,874
into a disruptive entrepreneur.
296
00:13:36,875 --> 00:13:40,378
Your marketing strategy
is revo-lution-ary.
297
00:13:40,379 --> 00:13:43,047
You're making normal guys feel
insecure about their looks.
298
00:13:43,048 --> 00:13:45,716
I mean, that's the kind of
insecurity that, up until now,
299
00:13:45,717 --> 00:13:47,802
only women were allowed to feel.
300
00:13:47,803 --> 00:13:50,680
Well, at the end of the day,
it's about lifting people up.
301
00:13:50,681 --> 00:13:52,057
So grateful.
302
00:13:53,131 --> 00:13:55,716
Escarbro is lighting the
Gram, the Tok, and the Tube
303
00:13:55,811 --> 00:13:59,940
on fire with its use of "ug-fluencers".
304
00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:02,721
Hey, guys. Get ready for bed with me
305
00:14:02,732 --> 00:14:06,360
as I dab on my Escarbro
Mansturizering Serum for Men.
306
00:14:06,989 --> 00:14:10,324
I have been super self-conscious
about my hyperpigmentation
307
00:14:10,325 --> 00:14:13,953
ever since Escarbro online
ads explained what it was
308
00:14:14,151 --> 00:14:17,236
and that I should be super
self-conscious about it.
309
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:18,790
But now...
310
00:14:19,769 --> 00:14:21,312
Damn, Homer!
311
00:14:21,410 --> 00:14:24,578
You make sure you subscribe,
so you never run out.
312
00:14:24,589 --> 00:14:28,676
I'm using Escarbro Macho
Time Puffiness Pulverizer.
313
00:14:28,677 --> 00:14:35,016
Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
314
00:14:35,017 --> 00:14:36,559
Trust me, youse gotta subscribe.
315
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:40,229
With this goo, open casket is
actually an option over here.
316
00:14:40,230 --> 00:14:43,607
[ALL] Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
317
00:14:43,608 --> 00:14:48,070
If I was a marketing paradigm, I'd
be like, "Stop shifting me, bro!"
318
00:14:48,071 --> 00:14:50,406
[CHUCKLES] You know? So grateful.
319
00:14:50,407 --> 00:14:52,116
How are you keeping up
with all this demand?
320
00:14:52,117 --> 00:14:54,368
Well, to keep the slime oozing,
321
00:14:54,369 --> 00:14:58,289
we scoured the globe to find the
world's leading snail handlers.
322
00:14:58,290 --> 00:15:01,126
[♪ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
323
00:15:06,381 --> 00:15:09,635
Oh, I see, Claudia. I bring the romaine
324
00:15:09,645 --> 00:15:11,677
and suddenly we're friends again.
325
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,929
Now that's a return on investment.
326
00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:15,389
[LAUGHING]
327
00:15:15,390 --> 00:15:16,640
Amazing turnout.
328
00:15:16,641 --> 00:15:21,562
Oh, yes. It's a real him's him of
direct-to-masculine-customer giants.
329
00:15:21,563 --> 00:15:25,108
Waylon, meet Vijay
from Vijay's ButtPants.
330
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:30,679
Antoine, who dominates the goat
colostrum protein frozen yogurt space.
331
00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:32,440
No proven downside.
332
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:38,204
And Dirk Denchley, the CEO of Father
D's High-T Testosterone Tea Bags.
333
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,623
Gary, your website
has the hardest-to-find
334
00:15:40,624 --> 00:15:42,958
"cancel subscription"
button in the business.
335
00:15:43,163 --> 00:15:44,376
Brilliant, bro.
336
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,879
Oh, well, that wasn't intentional.
337
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:47,963
Come on, dude.
338
00:15:47,964 --> 00:15:50,299
Our whole business model
is people signing up
339
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:52,718
for subscriptions that
they forget to cancel.
340
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:56,138
That seems a bit
underhanded. Although...
341
00:15:56,139 --> 00:15:58,307
A toast to the suckers.
342
00:15:58,308 --> 00:16:01,060
May they never check their
credit card statements.
343
00:16:01,401 --> 00:16:03,987
Yeah, um... salute.
344
00:16:06,733 --> 00:16:09,860
It's so weird having a super
rich dad who people think is cool.
345
00:16:09,861 --> 00:16:12,696
It's also weird having a
juice bar in your living room.
346
00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:15,282
But, uh, great idea, honey, great.
347
00:16:15,283 --> 00:16:18,160
I was kidding, but whatever. [SLURPS]
348
00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:21,747
You know, my friends can't get
enough of your anti-aging goo.
349
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:24,834
Wait a minute. High school
kids are using Escarbro?
350
00:16:24,835 --> 00:16:28,003
Oh, God, yeah. Everyone wants
to have kindergarten skin.
351
00:16:28,004 --> 00:16:30,339
Yeah, but we... we
weren't marketing to kids.
352
00:16:30,674 --> 00:16:32,675
Well, I guess there's no harm, right?
353
00:16:32,676 --> 00:16:35,469
Can I have a new pony? This one pooped.
354
00:16:35,470 --> 00:16:37,347
Uh... Of course, sweetie.
355
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,768
Ugh, dappled? Fine.
356
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,311
Welcome back, sir.
357
00:16:44,312 --> 00:16:45,994
The children are gonna love hearing
358
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,065
about your journey to financial success.
359
00:16:48,066 --> 00:16:51,861
And, uh, might I say your beard
has grown in remarkably dark.
360
00:16:51,862 --> 00:16:54,864
Oh, I use an adaptogen
matcha spore powder.
361
00:16:54,865 --> 00:16:58,742
[SIGHS] You know, I spent so much
of my life in public education,
362
00:16:58,743 --> 00:17:01,120
but I never felt I was
doing good in the world
363
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,706
until I started selling creams for men.
364
00:17:03,947 --> 00:17:08,210
Plus, even as a janitor, I made
more money than as a superintendent.
365
00:17:08,504 --> 00:17:11,630
Are you saying there's
an open janitor position?
366
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:14,925
Sorry I'm late. I had to
charge my light therapy mask.
367
00:17:14,926 --> 00:17:18,889
- What a unique child.
- These days, not so unique.
368
00:17:21,516 --> 00:17:23,018
[BOTH] Dab, dab, dab.
369
00:17:23,758 --> 00:17:25,885
Oh, no. I look 12.
370
00:17:27,178 --> 00:17:29,429
Make with the hydrating
toner spray, now!
371
00:17:29,735 --> 00:17:32,697
Just don't forget your décolletage.
372
00:17:34,362 --> 00:17:38,450
I had no idea our industry
reached children this young.
373
00:17:40,535 --> 00:17:43,954
How can they focus on learning while
they're worrying about all this?
374
00:17:43,955 --> 00:17:46,040
[DEVIN] Hey, Escarbro guy.
375
00:17:46,041 --> 00:17:47,416
[ALL] Gary.
376
00:17:47,417 --> 00:17:48,667
[YELPS] God!
377
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,211
Can I have a free sample?
378
00:17:50,212 --> 00:17:51,837
Do you have a promo code?
379
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:55,508
Make my name a promo code. Promo
code: Devin exclamation point.
380
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:57,259
- Yeah!
- We want the code!
381
00:17:57,260 --> 00:17:59,095
- [STUDENTS CLAMORING]
- [GRUNTS]
382
00:18:01,306 --> 00:18:04,267
- Whew. [YELPS]
- [STUDENTS] Dab, dab, dab. Dab, dab, dab.
383
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,230
Greetings. [YELPS]
384
00:18:09,231 --> 00:18:10,982
- [MASKS BUZZING]
- Good Lord.
385
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:14,302
Um... Would you excuse
me for just one moment?
386
00:18:14,444 --> 00:18:16,988
[STAMMERS] I have to
do something. Pardon me.
387
00:18:17,489 --> 00:18:21,408
The phone-banning guy can't
get off his phone. Ironic.
388
00:18:21,409 --> 00:18:25,704
Hey, that is irony. Very
accurate heckling, Bart.
389
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,498
- Thank you. I love you.
- What?
390
00:18:27,499 --> 00:18:28,707
Nothing.
391
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,686
Now, I've always believed that everyone
392
00:18:30,696 --> 00:18:32,211
should be able to look in the mirror
393
00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:34,880
and be proud of the person
looking back at them.
394
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:38,300
And right now, as I look
at myself in the reflection
395
00:18:38,301 --> 00:18:43,055
of your smooth, pore-less,
vigorously moisturized little faces,
396
00:18:43,056 --> 00:18:45,057
I am not proud.
397
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:49,562
I look ridiculous. You all,
all of you look ridiculous.
398
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,855
Sir, sir, I'm on the hiring web page.
399
00:18:52,158 --> 00:18:56,705
It wants me to attach my resume as
a PDF, but I only have it as a JPEG.
400
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,406
When I was a public servant,
it was my job to educate you,
401
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:01,991
but also to protect you.
402
00:19:01,992 --> 00:19:04,243
Protect you from people like me.
403
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:07,913
Social media swindlers who
profit off of insecurities
404
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,583
that you shouldn't
even have yet, or ever.
405
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:12,001
[SNIFFLES, YELPS]
406
00:19:12,002 --> 00:19:16,839
Who am I kidding? I am a
superintendent, whether I like it or not.
407
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,773
And as of right now, I am banning all
408
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:22,761
skincare products from school grounds.
409
00:19:22,762 --> 00:19:24,680
- [ALL GASP]
- You can't do that.
410
00:19:24,681 --> 00:19:26,181
You don't work here anymore.
411
00:19:26,182 --> 00:19:29,018
Well, as a matter of
fact, I can and I do.
412
00:19:29,366 --> 00:19:32,313
I just bought Springfield
Elementary at auction
413
00:19:32,314 --> 00:19:35,608
in the section for
VCRs and public schools.
414
00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:36,734
[SCHOOL STAFF GASP]
415
00:19:36,735 --> 00:19:39,778
Teachers, get those phone
pouches back out here
416
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:44,367
and fill them with all of
that preposterous skincare!
417
00:19:45,327 --> 00:19:48,496
Thanks for waiting for me, old friend.
418
00:19:49,331 --> 00:19:51,228
Why on a competition baking show
419
00:19:51,238 --> 00:19:53,083
do they need to have an opening sketch?
420
00:19:53,084 --> 00:19:55,085
Just get to the "and bake".
421
00:19:55,086 --> 00:19:58,255
You think the crew gets to eat all
the cakes they drop on the ground?
422
00:19:58,256 --> 00:20:00,382
Dad, are we poor again?
423
00:20:00,383 --> 00:20:02,257
Now, don't worry, honey. I still have
424
00:20:02,267 --> 00:20:04,511
a small stake in the skincare company.
425
00:20:04,512 --> 00:20:08,140
And those nuclear snails,
they're never gonna stop sliming.
426
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:09,933
[CHUCKLES]
427
00:20:09,934 --> 00:20:14,188
I heard it was someone's special
day! Francis, get over here.
428
00:20:14,189 --> 00:20:16,023
Birthday treats for everyone!
429
00:20:16,024 --> 00:20:18,652
Salty potato chips and buckets of beer.
430
00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:23,447
Aw, they like it so much,
they're shaking with joy.
431
00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:27,576
- More like shriveling.
- Maybe too much shriveling?
432
00:20:27,577 --> 00:20:28,827
- Uh...
- Ooh.
433
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,871
Uh, let's call it a day.
434
00:20:30,872 --> 00:20:32,749
Seymour, you got this, right?
435
00:20:35,418 --> 00:20:38,922
[SIGHS] I hope they at least
let me keep the coveralls.
436
00:20:50,475 --> 00:20:51,642
Ooh.
437
00:20:51,643 --> 00:20:53,853
[MUNCHING] Mmm.
438
00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:58,108
Whoever invented eating crumb
cake in a trash can was a genius.
439
00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:02,736
Wait a minute. I think I invented
eating crumb cake in a trash can.
440
00:21:02,737 --> 00:21:07,492
I'm gonna be rich! And then I'm
gonna buy so many trash cans!
441
00:21:08,076 --> 00:21:12,705
[MUNCHING, SMACKS LIPS]
442
00:21:12,706 --> 00:21:15,165
♪ Eating crumb cake in a trash can ♪
443
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:16,959
♪ Spraying crumbs around ♪
444
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,877
♪ Because I'm in a trash can ♪
445
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:21,088
♪ No crumbs are on the ground ♪
446
00:21:21,089 --> 00:21:23,507
♪ Don't need a broom or dustpan ♪
447
00:21:23,508 --> 00:21:26,177
♪ Something, something trash can ♪
448
00:21:26,803 --> 00:21:28,972
[MUNCHING, SMACKS LIPS]
449
00:21:30,056 --> 00:21:31,057
Shh!
450
00:21:31,244 --> 00:21:36,244
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
34835
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