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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:47,710 --> 00:00:48,696 As you know, 2 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:53,196 the human race grew up alongside glaciers during the ice ages. 3 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:56,366 The cold stimulates ancient nerves. 4 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,480 It makes you feel a primal connection to the world. 5 00:01:00,390 --> 00:01:04,060 We used over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel, 6 00:01:04,570 --> 00:01:06,820 and guests are surprised to know how much snow. 7 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,046 Over 10,000 tons. 8 00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,910 Wow, that's a lot. 9 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,820 Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice. 10 00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,226 These blocks were created 11 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:22,590 by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes, 12 00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:26,840 then harvesting it for storage in a nearby cave. 13 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,220 Everything you see melts in summer. 14 00:01:32,130 --> 00:01:35,406 We have different artists and artisans help us build again each year, 15 00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:39,520 so every stay is truly once in a lifetime. 16 00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:41,610 And here we have your room. 17 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:46,980 The koi suite. 18 00:01:52,110 --> 00:01:54,490 Wow. It's brisk. 19 00:01:55,620 --> 00:01:58,920 Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel. 20 00:01:59,410 --> 00:02:01,200 About three degrees below zero. 21 00:02:01,790 --> 00:02:03,380 Not too, too cold. 22 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,710 It's quite invigorating once you get used to it. 23 00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:12,446 As we say, you will feel som plommen I egget. 24 00:02:12,470 --> 00:02:14,026 Like a yolk in an egg. 25 00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,656 Okay, that's adorable. 26 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,286 Som... som plommen I eggen? Eggen? 27 00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:19,390 That's very good. 28 00:02:20,430 --> 00:02:22,956 These fish were hand-carved 29 00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:26,292 by famous Norwegian ice sculptor, Anders skjeggestad ruud. 30 00:02:26,316 --> 00:02:27,746 He won the boreal forest prize 31 00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:30,166 at the harbin ice sculpting competition last year. 32 00:02:30,190 --> 00:02:31,666 Beautiful. Isn't that beautiful? 33 00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:34,176 - The bed is made of ice? - Yes. Isn't that charming? 34 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,966 And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house Brandy. 35 00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:41,266 - The bed is made of ice. - It is distilled locally from ice wine, 36 00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:43,886 and I assure you it is quite special. 37 00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:46,226 - These furs are very thick... - ice. Helen, 38 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,340 we are sleeping on an ice bed. 39 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,856 I could've saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here, yolks and all. 40 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,260 Now, one more thing. 41 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,486 Your bathrooms are around the corner, in the hall to your left. 42 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,236 And if you keep going in that direction, 43 00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:02,100 you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open. 44 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,576 As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year. 45 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,350 Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know. 46 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,610 Thank you, bjorn. 47 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:13,700 Thank you very much. 48 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,506 I hope you both have an enjoyable stay. 49 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:17,610 God natt? 50 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,306 Excellent. God natt til deg ogsรฅ. 51 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:21,420 Okay. 52 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,500 This is amazing. 53 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,210 How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice? 54 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,276 We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney. 55 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,286 Walt Disney wasn't frozen. That's a myth. 56 00:03:41,310 --> 00:03:42,810 And look at this place! 57 00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:45,190 It was worth the trip. 58 00:03:45,890 --> 00:03:49,836 I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick steves recommends? 59 00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:54,586 I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience 60 00:03:54,610 --> 00:03:56,796 but just a really nice hotel? 61 00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,910 Can't it be both? 62 00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:01,006 Doesn't it feel kind of nice? 63 00:04:01,030 --> 00:04:03,926 I mean, my skin feels so awake. 64 00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:05,240 My god. Seriously? 65 00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:09,896 Who knew? Hell is in Norway. 66 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,476 Come on. This is completely your bag. 67 00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:13,960 You love feeling bad. 68 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,120 - What you doing over there? - Looking for your cell phone. 69 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:25,536 - Val should have numbers by now. - I already talked to val at the airport. 70 00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,076 Come over here. Get under these blankets, 71 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,850 - they're so soft. - You talked to val? 72 00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:30,850 What'd she say? 73 00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:36,020 It's on the list! 74 00:04:36,780 --> 00:04:38,176 Congratulations! 75 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,546 - Good. Great. - Yeah. 76 00:04:40,570 --> 00:04:42,610 Now come over here. Have some Brandy. It's so good. 77 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,200 Where on the list? 78 00:04:46,330 --> 00:04:48,016 It's... stop it. It's a best seller. 79 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,040 I know. I'm just curious where. 80 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,960 Top 20. 81 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,316 - Top 20. - Yeah. 82 00:04:54,340 --> 00:04:56,840 But, like, closer to 11 or closer to 20? 83 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,880 You're impossible. 84 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,890 You're the most impossible best-selling author I know. 85 00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:04,736 - Come over here. - Why? 86 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,350 Just come here. 87 00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:08,980 Look at this. 88 00:05:10,350 --> 00:05:12,770 That is amazing. 89 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,400 God, I always wanted to see it. 90 00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,126 One time in Canada I came close, 91 00:05:19,150 --> 00:05:22,900 but this is so much better than I ever imagined. 92 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,386 It kinda looks like a screen saver. 93 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,750 My god. Stop, stop, stop. Sit. 94 00:05:32,170 --> 00:05:33,147 Here you go. 95 00:05:33,171 --> 00:05:35,010 Yeah. Isn't that warmer? 96 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,050 Warmer than what? 97 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,210 You can almost hear it, can't you? 98 00:05:45,850 --> 00:05:46,850 It's turning purple. 99 00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:51,190 Look at that. 100 00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:55,900 Guess what? 101 00:05:56,650 --> 00:05:59,130 Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee. 102 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:00,860 Okay, so pee. 103 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,490 Yeah, but is the toilet gonna be made out of ice? 104 00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:06,030 - What if I stick to it? - Pee or don't pee, but... 105 00:07:06,930 --> 00:07:08,680 This is your captain speaking. 106 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,576 Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air. 107 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,536 Should be smooth sailing for a while, 108 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:17,730 so we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seat belt sign. 109 00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:21,690 Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol. 110 00:07:48,970 --> 00:07:50,220 May we get you anything? 111 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,390 Nope. Who's flying today? 112 00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:57,956 Carol, on the flight deck is captain John McConnell and also... 113 00:07:57,980 --> 00:07:59,626 first officer Tom Deegan. 114 00:07:59,650 --> 00:08:03,820 These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time. 115 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,966 And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant 116 00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:10,410 of this capable and trustworthy airbus a330 aircraft. 117 00:08:10,950 --> 00:08:12,330 You're in good hands. 118 00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:16,476 That's weirder than the gal from tgi Fridays. 119 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:18,180 You doing this because she freaked me out? 120 00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:21,080 - That's an affirmative, Carol. - Please stop that. 121 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,816 It's much more spacious up in first class. 122 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:26,646 Sure you won't be more comfortable there? 123 00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:29,340 It has lie-flat seats. You could get some rest. 124 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:30,840 I'm fine where I'm at. 125 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:33,930 Thank you. 126 00:08:54,870 --> 00:08:57,596 Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right? 127 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,016 Anyone with conversational ability, yes. 128 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,686 Tell me about the non-English speakers. 129 00:09:01,710 --> 00:09:03,396 Certainly. What would you like to know? 130 00:09:03,420 --> 00:09:05,130 Anything. Everything. 131 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,986 Well, let's see. There's bora colak, a 68-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul. 132 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:12,390 He speaks Turkish and loves cats. 133 00:09:13,050 --> 00:09:15,720 In Bali, there's ida ayu dewi. Twenty-three. 134 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:20,496 Speaks Indonesian balinese. She's a contortionist and a dancer. 135 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:24,086 Performs the barong, the legong jobog. It's all quite exquisite. 136 00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:25,416 I'm sure. Keep going. 137 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,546 Sidore melis in sardinia is a fisherman. 138 00:09:28,570 --> 00:09:31,320 Or he was, but he's 89 and retired. 139 00:09:31,950 --> 00:09:35,596 There's Mary kuksie akintola. Lives in Maseru, Lesotho. 140 00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:37,136 What does she do? 141 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,556 Her family raises basotho ponies, but she's only eight years old. 142 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,080 - She hasn't decided on a profession. - Next. 143 00:09:44,130 --> 00:09:46,606 Abdul Kareem alsharei lives in Aden, Yemen. 144 00:09:46,630 --> 00:09:48,840 He's a 37-year-old muezzin. 145 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:52,170 Muezzin. That's a... what is that? 146 00:09:52,890 --> 00:09:54,077 He sings the call to prayer. 147 00:09:54,101 --> 00:09:55,880 He has a powerful tenor voice. 148 00:09:56,390 --> 00:09:57,640 He also loves cats. 149 00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:03,376 Okay. But are there any medical doctors? 150 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,570 Any scientists or an expert of some kind? 151 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:09,626 Yes. According to time out magazine, 152 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:13,836 takeo kitanaka in Osaka makes the best udon noodles in the entire keihanshin... 153 00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:15,780 that's not what I meant. Nope. 154 00:10:17,410 --> 00:10:18,660 All right, that makes... what? 155 00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:21,436 Six. 156 00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:23,880 So, you didn't say anything about the guy from... 157 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,260 Where was it? Paraguay. What about him? 158 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,436 His name is manousos oviedo. 159 00:10:30,460 --> 00:10:32,800 We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours. 160 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,050 He manages a self-storage facility in Asunciรณn. 161 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,310 So far, he hasn't really communicated with us. 162 00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:44,230 I wanna talk to him. 163 00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:47,230 He only speaks Spanish and a bit of guarani. 164 00:10:47,810 --> 00:10:49,770 - Do you want us to translate for you? - No. 165 00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:51,530 I'll manage. 166 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,570 First thing, once I get home. 167 00:10:56,070 --> 00:10:57,990 We could try him right now, if you like. 168 00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:16,340 He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact. 169 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:34,610 Try it again. 170 00:11:56,050 --> 00:11:59,050 Hola, seรฑor. Me llamo c... 171 00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:05,310 I think we got cut off or something. Try it again. 172 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,540 Hola, yo soy Carol sturka. 173 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,147 Estoy de los... United States... 174 00:12:27,171 --> 00:12:30,330 ยกno me jodan mรกs! ยกDรฉjenme en paz, put as! 175 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,420 Get him back. 176 00:12:39,430 --> 00:12:40,720 Get him back. 177 00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,610 ยกChinga tu madre, cabrรณn! 178 00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:04,120 We're sorry, Carol. We don't think it was personal. 179 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:38,900 Bye, Carol. 180 00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:41,450 Really, please let us know if there's... 181 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,870 Carol! One... one second. 182 00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:48,410 We have something for you. 183 00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:57,510 We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you. 184 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,090 We think you're really gonna like what's in the box. 185 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,350 Anything else we can do for you, just let us know. 186 00:15:54,710 --> 00:15:56,436 Hi, Carol. What can we do for you? 187 00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:59,550 What exactly do you know about what's in this box in my mail? 188 00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:04,220 Helen ordered it for you. You'd been so stressed out on the tour. 189 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,640 You tried one in the Atlanta airport. 190 00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:10,840 But you said it was too expensive, so Helen bought one online. 191 00:16:11,350 --> 00:16:12,327 Did she? 192 00:16:12,351 --> 00:16:15,730 She thought it would make a nice gift to celebrate the end of the tour. 193 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:17,980 A homecoming present. 194 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:22,980 Carol? 195 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,070 Okay, here's what's gonna happen. 196 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,570 You're gonna forget everything you know about Helen. 197 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,580 Every memory. Every thought she ever had. 198 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,306 Get her out of your head. Heads. 199 00:16:36,330 --> 00:16:39,556 - Carol, we apologize if it... - never mention her again. 200 00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,516 Never think about her again. 201 00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:44,500 Only I get to remember her, you got that? Only me. 202 00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:02,350 Then how come your name isn't big dummy? 203 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:07,370 Well, there were already three other people in town with that name. 204 00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:10,336 But that's beside the point. 205 00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:14,386 One day I got up the courage to go up to mean old lady hickenlooper 206 00:17:14,410 --> 00:17:17,016 and ask her why she always frowned. 207 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:21,130 Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles. 208 00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:27,800 I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down! 209 00:17:28,550 --> 00:17:33,970 So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave! 210 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,170 What the hell? 211 00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,266 - Good morning, Carol. - What's with the food? 212 00:18:42,290 --> 00:18:47,250 It's the exact meal you had at that b and b you stayed at in province town. 213 00:18:47,750 --> 00:18:51,050 2012? Remember? You were there to see the indigo girls. 214 00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:55,946 You were very complimentary of the chef that morning. It really stuck with her. 215 00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:59,036 - The sorghum flour pancakes... - so you took it upon yourself 216 00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:00,560 to make me breakfast? 217 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,820 Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare. 218 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:06,916 You've only got tonic water, half a carton of oat milk, 219 00:19:06,940 --> 00:19:09,876 a jar of green olives, a jar of black olives, a jar of red olives... 220 00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:13,216 - I told you Helen was off-limits. - Yes, of course, Carol. 221 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,320 So how the f... 222 00:19:16,110 --> 00:19:18,556 How do you know what is in my fridge? 223 00:19:18,580 --> 00:19:20,596 Theresa from merry maids. 224 00:19:20,620 --> 00:19:23,750 You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour. 225 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:26,120 Is the food not to your liking? 226 00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:28,487 Would you like us to make you something else instead? 227 00:19:28,511 --> 00:19:29,580 Nope. 228 00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:34,510 I want you to leave me alone. 229 00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:56,200 Shows what you know, fuckers. It's three quarters of a carton. 230 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:39,120 What... the... fuck? 231 00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:07,162 - Hello, Carol. - What happened to my sprouts? 232 00:21:07,186 --> 00:21:09,326 Are you the grinch who steals supermarkets? 233 00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:12,206 So sorry. We're consolidating resources 234 00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:15,206 to centralize useful items for distribution. 235 00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:18,676 Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses 236 00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:20,450 or what used to be private homes. 237 00:21:20,950 --> 00:21:22,700 It's just more efficient. 238 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:26,056 Fine. Fine. I get it. 239 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,306 Is there something specific you need? 240 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,516 We can deliver to you anytime. Anywhere. 241 00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:33,606 I am not going to call you every time I need something. 242 00:21:33,630 --> 00:21:35,420 I don't want you waiting on me. 243 00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:39,696 I am a very independent person. Okay? 244 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,270 I always have been. I fend for myself. 245 00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,350 I just want my sprouts back. 246 00:21:45,850 --> 00:21:47,770 Absolutely. Will do. 247 00:21:48,310 --> 00:21:49,310 Okay. 248 00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:51,480 Great. 249 00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:54,650 So, what? 250 00:21:57,780 --> 00:21:59,626 Can we say Friday, maybe? 251 00:21:59,650 --> 00:22:02,860 I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back. 252 00:22:03,820 --> 00:22:05,200 We'll be there in a moment. 253 00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:02,876 Carol. 254 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:04,400 May we sneak past you here? 255 00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:18,496 - All set, Carol. Call us if there's... - Something you want that's not here. 256 00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:20,160 - We'll get it... - To you toot sweet. 257 00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:10,716 Luckily, there were some druid priests 258 00:26:10,740 --> 00:26:12,990 who were in town for the opening of stonehenge-land. 259 00:26:14,580 --> 00:26:16,306 They said they could stop it 260 00:26:16,330 --> 00:26:19,460 if they could sacrifice the town's dumbest virgin. 261 00:26:23,830 --> 00:26:26,420 I don't know why I raised my hand. 262 00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:33,550 Damn it. 263 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,420 You have got to be fucking kidding me. 264 00:27:23,980 --> 00:27:25,036 Hello, Carol. 265 00:27:25,060 --> 00:27:27,956 So sorry to startle you. We didn't mean to do that. 266 00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:29,586 Why are you turning off the lights? 267 00:27:29,610 --> 00:27:32,216 Yes, we know. It was a mistake. 268 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,676 We had a little problem isolating your branch circuit. 269 00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:36,006 They're back on now, right? 270 00:27:36,030 --> 00:27:37,596 - The lights in your house? Okay. - Yes. 271 00:27:37,620 --> 00:27:40,386 Why are you turning them off everywhere else? 272 00:27:40,410 --> 00:27:41,676 For conservation. 273 00:27:41,700 --> 00:27:45,516 Just the ones that aren't necessary. Which are, well, most of them. 274 00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:48,106 What? Lights aren't necessary for you guys? You just see in the dark? 275 00:27:48,130 --> 00:27:50,146 No. Not at all. 276 00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:52,236 It's just that there's no crime to prevent, 277 00:27:52,260 --> 00:27:56,026 and we're not working at night. Except for essential operations. 278 00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:58,366 Water treatment, hospitals, things like that. 279 00:27:58,390 --> 00:28:00,156 Right, so it's more of your efficiency? 280 00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:04,826 Yes. You donated twice to the Sierra club, so we felt you'd understand. 281 00:28:04,850 --> 00:28:07,246 If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights. 282 00:28:07,270 --> 00:28:10,416 No. Screw it. Leave them off. Who gives a shit? 283 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,626 Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up? 284 00:28:13,650 --> 00:28:15,320 Cheer me up? Why? 285 00:28:15,820 --> 00:28:19,046 I'm fine. I'm so happy. 286 00:28:19,070 --> 00:28:21,966 There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix. 287 00:28:21,990 --> 00:28:23,056 You got one of those? 288 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,886 'Cause I think that would be the perfect topper 289 00:28:24,910 --> 00:28:27,080 for the greatest week in human history. 290 00:28:48,940 --> 00:28:49,940 Fuck it. 291 00:29:26,350 --> 00:29:29,496 It must've just been the excitement of the moment, 292 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,956 but they said the only way to prevent the eruption 293 00:29:31,980 --> 00:29:34,956 was for me to crawl through their legs, up the volcano, 294 00:29:34,980 --> 00:29:36,940 while they gave me my birthday whacks. 295 00:29:38,860 --> 00:29:40,990 Well... And you're not going to believe this... 296 00:30:17,900 --> 00:30:19,046 - Yeah? - Hi. 297 00:30:19,070 --> 00:30:20,570 Sorry it took so long. 298 00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:25,740 - A hand grenade. - Yes. 299 00:30:26,540 --> 00:30:28,516 We thought you were probably being sarcastic, 300 00:30:28,540 --> 00:30:30,500 but we didn't want to take the chance. 301 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:34,750 Were you being sarcastic? 302 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:40,590 Right. Of course you were. 303 00:30:41,590 --> 00:30:43,156 Do you want us to take... 304 00:30:43,180 --> 00:30:46,680 You know what? We're just gonna... we'll get rid of it. 305 00:30:50,180 --> 00:30:51,470 Feel better, Carol. 306 00:30:54,730 --> 00:30:55,730 Hey. 307 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,150 Do you maniacs drink? 308 00:31:00,820 --> 00:31:02,046 It's okay. 309 00:31:02,070 --> 00:31:04,660 You can bring the hand grenade. 310 00:31:19,170 --> 00:31:22,396 Does the whole world get drunk when you drink? 311 00:31:22,420 --> 00:31:27,156 Like, does some six-year-old in Sri Lanka slur his words when you knock one back? 312 00:31:27,180 --> 00:31:29,520 No, it doesn't work like that. 313 00:31:31,350 --> 00:31:32,770 How do you say cheers in sanskrit? 314 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,400 Roughly it means, "may everyone be blessed." 315 00:31:38,690 --> 00:31:41,320 Well, then. Shoot... shoo... 316 00:31:42,740 --> 00:31:43,740 Shoopy shoop shoop. 317 00:31:51,370 --> 00:31:54,830 You know the word "vodka" is a diminutive of voda, meaning "water." 318 00:31:55,830 --> 00:32:00,646 Very similar to the Latin aqua vitae, literally "water of life." 319 00:32:00,670 --> 00:32:03,026 That becomes the Scandinavian akvavit. 320 00:32:03,050 --> 00:32:05,050 Although the drinks are very different. 321 00:32:06,260 --> 00:32:08,906 Fun fact, whiskey has the same root meaning. 322 00:32:08,930 --> 00:32:11,696 It's Scots Gaelic from uisce beat ha. 323 00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:13,010 You don't say. 324 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:20,296 What gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness, 325 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,490 it's distilled from both potato and corn. 326 00:32:24,150 --> 00:32:26,360 It is slightly alkaline. Do you taste that? 327 00:32:27,740 --> 00:32:30,056 Lower-shelf alcohol tends to be acidic. 328 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,806 The chief distiller learned the process from his grandfather. 329 00:32:32,830 --> 00:32:35,030 And now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain. 330 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,500 How long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee? 331 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,140 It's a hard thing to predict. 332 00:32:49,890 --> 00:32:51,906 Scientific advances tend to ebb and flow. 333 00:32:51,930 --> 00:32:54,390 That's not an answer. How long? 334 00:32:56,230 --> 00:32:57,770 We're working round the clock. 335 00:32:58,350 --> 00:33:03,400 It could be as soon as a couple weeks, or it could take months or longer. 336 00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:09,160 That's quite the range for someone who knows everything that there is to know. 337 00:33:12,450 --> 00:33:15,950 Regardless, sooner or later, I'm fucked. 338 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:20,670 Sorry, Carol. We have a biological imperative. 339 00:33:21,250 --> 00:33:23,856 You people make no goddamn sense. 340 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:24,960 Do you know that? 341 00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,196 "We wanna make you happy," you say. 342 00:33:28,220 --> 00:33:30,866 "Your life is your own," you say. 343 00:33:30,890 --> 00:33:34,980 And "agency." I've got all this agency, but... 344 00:33:35,470 --> 00:33:39,220 I mean, I guess I have agency just until I don't? 345 00:33:41,310 --> 00:33:42,310 Carol... 346 00:33:43,900 --> 00:33:47,086 If you were walking by a lake, and you saw somebody drowning, 347 00:33:47,110 --> 00:33:48,900 would you throw 'em a life preserver? 348 00:33:49,700 --> 00:33:50,966 Of course you would. 349 00:33:50,990 --> 00:33:55,466 You wouldn't think, you wouldn't wait, you wouldn't try to get consensus on it. 350 00:33:55,490 --> 00:33:57,580 You'd just throw it. 351 00:33:59,750 --> 00:34:02,000 So now I'm drowning? 352 00:34:03,540 --> 00:34:04,870 You just don't know it. 353 00:34:07,550 --> 00:34:12,510 Well, you people are brainwashed, is what you are. 354 00:34:13,090 --> 00:34:18,810 I mean what could possibly be so great about this mind meld of yours? 355 00:34:19,350 --> 00:34:22,650 Actually, let me guess. It's... 356 00:34:23,270 --> 00:34:26,876 It's all beautiful scenery, and you feel nothing but contentment. 357 00:34:26,900 --> 00:34:33,070 Just wave after wave of bliss and peace and everything is perfect. 358 00:34:33,570 --> 00:34:38,530 It's like living inside a postcard, every second of every day. 359 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:42,396 Basically, it's every Rick steves special ever, right? 360 00:34:42,420 --> 00:34:43,476 That kind of bullshit? 361 00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:47,526 Like you're taking a hike in the woods, and there's a warm rain, 362 00:34:47,550 --> 00:34:52,446 and the trees are so tall you can't even see the tops. 363 00:34:52,470 --> 00:34:56,116 Or you're having coffee on the canals in Amsterdam, 364 00:34:56,140 --> 00:34:59,196 and it's like you're in a coffee commercial. 365 00:34:59,220 --> 00:35:04,640 Or you're taking a walk at sunset on the most flawless beach in Croatia. 366 00:35:05,190 --> 00:35:08,990 Or you're in Norway, above the arctic circle in... 367 00:35:11,450 --> 00:35:13,450 In a hotel made of ice. 368 00:35:14,700 --> 00:35:16,790 Under a pile of furs. 369 00:35:28,750 --> 00:35:32,630 I told you that Helen was off-limits. 370 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,560 You are a bunch of mind-fuckers. 371 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,660 Wow, you got this thing really jammed in there, don't you? 372 00:36:02,330 --> 00:36:05,016 Please, be careful with that. 373 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,540 Right. Like you would give me a real hand grenade. 374 00:36:10,090 --> 00:36:11,420 Carol, if we may? 375 00:36:48,790 --> 00:36:50,080 You gave me... 376 00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:02,060 Shit. Shit. Fuck. 377 00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:06,230 Fuck. 378 00:37:13,030 --> 00:37:14,070 Shit. 379 00:37:14,940 --> 00:37:17,426 Okay. I'm gonna go get some help, okay? 380 00:37:17,450 --> 00:37:18,910 It's okay, Carol. 381 00:37:19,950 --> 00:37:21,120 Help is coming. 382 00:38:13,130 --> 00:38:14,380 May we join you? 383 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,776 We're happy to say zosia's doing much better. 384 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,866 There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage. 385 00:38:26,890 --> 00:38:30,310 She did get a pretty severe concussion that we're gonna wanna keep an eye on. 386 00:38:31,140 --> 00:38:32,390 She's resting now. 387 00:38:34,270 --> 00:38:36,440 Can we get you a fresh change of clothes? 388 00:38:40,740 --> 00:38:44,040 Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day. 389 00:38:47,830 --> 00:38:50,580 Why would you give me a hand grenade? 390 00:38:51,370 --> 00:38:52,410 You asked for one. 391 00:38:53,630 --> 00:38:55,050 Why not give me a fake one? 392 00:38:58,510 --> 00:39:00,510 Sorry if we got that wrong, Carol. 393 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,116 If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade? 394 00:39:08,140 --> 00:39:09,310 Yes. 395 00:39:10,060 --> 00:39:12,246 Even after last night, you would give me another? 396 00:39:12,270 --> 00:39:13,610 Sure. 397 00:39:17,270 --> 00:39:19,020 Okay, what about a bazooka? 398 00:39:19,780 --> 00:39:22,910 And the thing a bazooka shoots? A rocket, or whatever. 399 00:39:24,070 --> 00:39:25,360 Yes. 400 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:27,280 All right. 401 00:39:28,790 --> 00:39:29,790 All right. 402 00:39:30,790 --> 00:39:31,880 What about... 403 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:35,380 I don't know, a tank? 404 00:39:40,630 --> 00:39:44,090 What about an atom bomb? 405 00:39:47,470 --> 00:39:48,720 Why would you want one? 406 00:39:49,310 --> 00:39:50,326 To blow shit up? 407 00:39:50,350 --> 00:39:52,246 For kicks. I mean, does it matter? 408 00:39:52,270 --> 00:39:54,940 You gave me a grenade, for fuck's sake. 409 00:40:02,990 --> 00:40:05,200 It'd be okay to say no at this point. 410 00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,280 That would be sane. 411 00:40:07,910 --> 00:40:10,790 Not utterly batshit crazy. 412 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:16,960 If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon, 413 00:40:17,540 --> 00:40:21,736 we would weigh the pros and cons with you. 414 00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:25,117 We would explain that it would be very destructive... 415 00:40:25,141 --> 00:40:26,720 yes or no? 416 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:30,640 Ultimately... 417 00:40:31,930 --> 00:40:32,930 Yes. 418 00:40:34,230 --> 00:40:35,940 Wouldn't necessarily feel good about it. 419 00:40:37,650 --> 00:40:42,110 But we would move heaven and earth to make you happy, Carol. 420 00:40:45,990 --> 00:40:48,830 Would you like an atom bomb? 421 00:40:51,790 --> 00:40:53,750 I'm gonna have to get back to you on that. 422 00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:59,380 Okay. Okay. 423 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:01,460 Would you like a cup of coffee? 424 00:41:03,340 --> 00:41:05,130 One sugar, with oat milk, right? 425 00:41:05,630 --> 00:41:07,510 - And maybe a pinch of... - You can go. 33437

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