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The following programme contains very
strong language, adult humour
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00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:08,000
and scenes that some viewers may find
distressing.
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00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,000
Money #
4
00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:41,040
# The best things in life are free
5
00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,800
# But you can give them
To the birds and bees
6
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,320
# I need money
That's what I want
7
00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,920
# That's what I want
That's what I want
8
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,720
# That's what I want
That's what I want... #
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00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:02,880
Come on you thing...
Why don't you fucking work?!
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00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,720
The fuck you doing?
11
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,520
This building is cock!
It's fucking freezing.
12
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,960
It's freezing.
When did it get like this?
13
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,880
Mid summer, that thing is blazing
away, I can't breathe in here.
14
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,760
As soon as it gets like this,
there's nothing!
15
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:18,720
Not a thing coming out. Not out
of that fucker either!It is bad.
16
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,120
Why don't you know when it got cold?
17
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:24,320
I've been a fucking weed bunker
for five days, making a living.
18
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,000
Damn it.
Five days...
19
00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,840
Yeah
Where were you shitting?
20
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,600
Never mind where I'm shitting.
21
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:31,800
I've come for a renewal,
on my fucking medicine,
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00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,560
I've without now, for a few days.
Laughter, that's what you need.
23
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,320
That's the best medicine Vincent.
24
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,440
Laughter.
I agree, but I need to be
25
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,280
around people that
don't get on me tits, don't I?
26
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,240
I've got a good one for you.
Oh.
27
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:44,720
Ready?
Yeah.
28
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:47,880
Irish lesbian goes to the Doctor.
It's already in appropriate.
29
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,280
Why?
Just come on.
30
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,200
The only people you can take the
piss out of now are people like me!
31
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,800
What, fucking posh cunts
with fat red heads?
32
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,960
Middle class female athlete
goes to the Doctor, she says,
33
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,800
"Doctor, Doctor I'm very worried.
I think I'm growing a penis...
34
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,040
I think it's the steroids.
35
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,640
Doctor says "Anabolic?"
She says goes, "No, just the penis."
36
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,320
See!
37
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,480
Fuck.
See, you see, that's all you need.
38
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,720
You don't need pills.
Still outrageous.
39
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,720
Listen, hurry up dude. Get a repeat
prescription on there, will you?
40
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:22,520
I've got to go and arrange a truce
meeting between two fucking lunatics.
41
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:29,280
I'm telling you now, Vincent,
42
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,760
I'm not meeting him
anywhere of his choosing.
43
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,160
I do not trust that man,
if you can call him a man.
44
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,400
Any venue he picks is likely
to be some sort of trap.
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00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,200
Listen, I get it.
I hear what you're saying.
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00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,400
But after an extensive chat
via the medium of fucking text,
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00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,600
he's just not happy meeting
anywhere of your choosing.
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00:02:45,640 --> 00:02:48,800
How the mucky fuck are we meant
to broker a truce if we can't
agree on a location,
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00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,280
d'you know what I mean?
Call him up,
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00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,640
tell him that
the only agreeable option
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00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,800
is a neutral destination
chosen by a third party.
52
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,720
What third party? What third party?!
Do you know... Sorry.
53
00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,920
It's cold weather out, hmm,
54
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,960
we'll go for a carvery -
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00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,080
everybody loves a carvery -
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00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:08,720
somewhere convivial,
exposed beams, open fires.
57
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,360
Hmm? And if he agrees in principle,
then we...
58
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,160
will chose a destination,
randomly selected from the Internet.
59
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,720
Do you like a carvery?
Hmm.
60
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:19,560
I'm particularly partial
to a roasted parsnip.
61
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,560
But not everywhere does 'em,
do they?
62
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,360
Yorkshire pudding, pigs in blankets,
onion gravy, oof...
63
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:26,720
It's the shizz.
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00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,440
Reminds me of my dad you know,
carvery after me mum fucked off.
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00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,360
That's sweet.He used to make me
go down to The Wheatsheaf,
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00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,000
steal as much as I could.
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00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,720
Then we'd sit on the church steps
and eat it.Mm.
68
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,600
Bonding. My dad used to whack me
with the buckle end of the belt,
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00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,960
call me a fairy cake boy.
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00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,240
He loved a carvery.
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00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,520
I'll ring Kittens.
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00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,240
Right...
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00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,080
thank fuck we've got a venue.
74
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,920
Hey?
Where is it to be, then?
75
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:57,480
The Highwayman - up Rampton way.
It's a bit high in the hills,
76
00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,600
especially in this weather,
but apparently it does
a very good carvery.
77
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,600
Sorry, who the fuck is Joey Kittens
and why's Davey got a beef with him?
78
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:05,880
Long...
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00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,000
It's a long, init.
Shall I just, in a nutshell.Hmm.
80
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,080
Go on.
Alright.
81
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,360
In a nutshell.
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00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,280
A vacuum was created
83
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,760
by the untimely death
of a local gangster...
84
00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,760
One who we initially fell foul of
by stealing his daughter's
Shetland pony.
85
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,480
Isn't that right, Ashley?
Yeah.
86
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,800
What the fuck?
Concussion
87
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,480
Good times. We started selling
and growing weed on his behalf.
88
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,240
Then, ultimately, turned against
him and incarcerated him...
89
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,520
..by planting the severed head...
90
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,520
..of the disgruntle employee
into his wardrobe.
91
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,480
Well, well, well.
What is this doing here?
92
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,640
As one does.
Yeah.
93
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,600
Then into this void,
stepped two men.
94
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,200
One Joseph Kittens
and one Davey MacDonagh who, uh,
95
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,920
entered fierce territorial dispute.
96
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,960
One which, I dare say...
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00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,760
will not end harmoniously.
98
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,880
Very well done.
Thank you very much,
99
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,760
just in a nutshell,
you know what I mean?
100
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,400
Carvery, man,
I bloody love a carvery.
101
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,880
Ooh!You smell the gravy, don't you?
The gravy...
102
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,320
But listen, hey. the main thing is
we've found a bloody location
103
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:10,000
where Davey McDonague
and Joseph the Kittens
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00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,280
are gonna fucking meet, finally.
Christ.
105
00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,080
Carvery?
106
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,800
Course I like a carvery,
who doesn't like a carvery?
107
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,760
Apple sauce, buttered spuds..
Hmm.
108
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,240
Roasties.
Spaghetti.Ye... No.
109
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,400
That's not in there.
When you going?
110
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,000
Tomorrow, 2:00pm.
111
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,400
Great, late lunch,
a few cheeky Guinness.
112
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,840
Oh, Guinness,
happy days, count me in.No.
113
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,960
You're not invited, Michael,
you fucking jovial toad.
114
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,200
Alright, it's me whose angling
for an invite...
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00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,840
You're not fucking going, either!
No. No. No, if anyone's going,
116
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,800
it's me going.
Sure, I was reared on a carvery,
117
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,960
it was purified and blended down
in to a baby's bottle
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00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,040
and I would just suck it on it.
Why would you do that?
119
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,760
It's full of nutrition.
Shut up. Stop making fucking words.
120
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,800
You're not invited, this is a truce
between two violent psychopaths,
121
00:05:52,840 --> 00:05:56,560
alright? We're not going in there
mobhanded. You can fuck off!
122
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,040
Dickheads!
123
00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:01,880
# Why-y-y-y
124
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:06,720
# Lord
125
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,680
# Blood...
126
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,640
Fuckin' thing!
127
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,320
# Ahh, ha
128
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,880
# Oh, Lord
129
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,320
# In your veins
130
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:24,960
# Ooh
131
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,880
# I said why-y-y-y
132
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,160
# Lord
133
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:38,200
# Blood
134
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:45,720
# Running water
Ahh, ha
135
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,480
# Oh, Lord. #
136
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,760
Woo-hoo-hoo!
137
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,560
It's fucking freezing.
138
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:54,600
OK ready?
Ah!
139
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:57,160
I tell you what,
he fucking better be in there.
140
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,320
Good God.
141
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,600
My trousers are soaking.
142
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,640
Nobody Speak #
143
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:24,360
Oh! Fucking hell!
144
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,400
Sorry about that - he's racist.
145
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,600
Well, that's ironic, seeing as
the dog's black.
146
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,760
You've got a racist dog?
Don't blame me, sweetheart.
147
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,000
I like dark women -
Rihanna, Whoopi Goldberg...
148
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,760
my fantasy threesome.
149
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,920
Alright, then.
It's nice to meet you, then.
150
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:43,160
I'm piss wet through.I know, love.
I need to get these jeans off.
Will you swap?
151
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,680
Fuck, no, I ain't swapping with you,
you lunatic!Swap with me.
152
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,760
What, do you wanna wear my leggings?
What?
153
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,680
Well, I've got leggings on
underneath cos it's bloody
Baltic out. I don't mind.
154
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:54,040
No, they're lady leggings,
I will not be wearing those.
155
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,080
Go and put the fucking leggings on.
Alright.Your lips are blue.
156
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,520
Fuck's sake.
Son of a bitch.
157
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,640
Mr O'Neil...
158
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,400
Oh, my, my, my.
159
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,160
We have brought the full compliment.
160
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,360
It's just like the last supper...
161
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:14,880
but which one of you
is Judas Iscariot...
162
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,920
Hmm?
163
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:21,440
Was the last supper a carvery?
And what's with the entourage?
164
00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,600
They wanted a fucking carvery,
didn't they.
165
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:27,280
And well they might, Vincent,
and well they might.
166
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:31,160
Stephen is back there now preparing
it, up to his elbows in potato peel.
167
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,720
Isn't that right, Paula...
Oh, Paula is the stand in landlady.
168
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,080
Kathryn and Jeremy are away
for a few days -
169
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:41,080
Venice, mini break.
Hmm.Oh, lovely.
170
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,800
Nice.
Hang on a minute. Does that mean
171
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,160
the carvery's
not gonna be as good as usual?No.
172
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,320
Kath and Jez left
all the ingredients
173
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,120
and very detailed instructions...
174
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,360
my Stephen's a whizz in the kitchen.
Hm.
175
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,520
How is it you're on first name terms
with this landlady?
176
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,560
I came early, Vincent,
to steady my nerves.
177
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,160
And Paula and Stephen
have been the most convivial hosts.
178
00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:13,120
Hey, come on.
Let's take a seat, everyone.
179
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,880
It'll be fine to pull tables
together, won't it, Paula?
180
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,200
Doesn't look like
there's going to be a rush on.
181
00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,920
Help yourselves.
Is anyone else having the carvery?
182
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,120
I want...
Me please...
183
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,840
Ham and turkey. I am starving.
184
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,520
Hey. Hey. That bloke in the corner,
185
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:31,200
spitting image of Lionel Ritchie.
Oh, my God, I think it is!I'm sorry
186
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:32,880
to break it to you,
but it's unlikely
187
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,120
that the American-based
Commodores singer
188
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,240
is over there playing dominoes
189
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,400
in the corner of a remote
Northern public house
190
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,680
in the middle
of a fucking snow storm.
191
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:43,760
Do y'know what I mean?
Maybe she offered a carvery.
192
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,400
Oh, fuck off, Michael.
193
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,520
What?
Could be...
194
00:09:47,560 --> 00:09:49,320
Hello?
195
00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:50,880
Are they alright?
196
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,240
Yeah, they're fine,
they're just a little tight...
197
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:55,280
Well, is it...
Are they just a bit short?
198
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,440
It's not that. It's not that.
199
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,520
Look you don't wanna know
what's in here.
200
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:05,280
Oh, come on, can't be that bad.
Let's have a...No, no, no.
201
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:10,040
Fucking 'ell. Wow, that is...
That is quite something.
202
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,200
I know.
My God, Ash. I mean,
203
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,040
God, I had no idea.
We're gonna have to improvise.
204
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,240
I mean, yeah. Absolutely we will.
205
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,560
Let's get some drinks flowing,
shall we?
206
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:33,200
Who wants a wine? They do
a rather delicious French Shiraz.
207
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,040
I'll have a Guinness.Pint of lager.
I'll have a Vodka slimline.
208
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,640
Oh, I'll have the same.
Right. So, a red, a white,
209
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:43,440
pint of lager, pint of Guinness, and
two vodka slimlines - magnifique.
210
00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:45,160
Thank you, Davey.
Thank you, Davey.
211
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,600
Thank you, Davey.
Thank you!Nice one, Davey.
212
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,680
Weird! Weird! Weird! Weird!
213
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,200
Fucking weird!
He's been nicer than normal.He is.
214
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,960
Like he's on somert or somert.
Maybe he is.
215
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,880
Maybe he's hoofing the chang
on the sly.
216
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,160
Could be hoofing it.Or maybe not.
Maybe he's just buzzed
217
00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,960
about potentially brokering a truce
218
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,600
and finally getting out
of my fucking flat upstairs
above me pub. Jesus Christ.
219
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,520
Honestly, it stinks up there!
Where's Kittens?
220
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,680
He's fucking late now.
Should I ring him?
221
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,480
What do you reckon?
I tell you what it'll be.
222
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,000
It'll be a power move, won't it?
223
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,720
He'll come swishing on in, in a pair
of very inappropriate heels.
224
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,800
There's no fucking signal, anyway.
225
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,920
I'm gonna put some tunes on, cos
it's like a fucking morgue in here.
226
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,040
Where the fuck are you, Billy?
227
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,040
The Fun Lovin' Criminal #
228
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,920
# Yee-haw! #
229
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,160
Ah, for Go...
What the fuck are you wearing?
230
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,640
I needed some extra coverage.
231
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,880
It's because of your long penis...
Yes.
232
00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,600
Oh.Oh, my God, have you seen
the size of that thing?
233
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,480
Knocked me sick.
Yeah.
234
00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,960
It's upsetting.
Fancy a game of darts?
235
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,960
No, I can't, love. I'm just here
for carvery with some friends.
236
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,360
I believe it's very good.
Oh, it is.
237
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,440
Kathryn and Jeremy do
a fine carvery -
238
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,000
dollop of butter in their greens
and a secret roasties glaze.
239
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,280
Some say they mix
their love juices in it.
240
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,320
Right.
Y'know...
241
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:40,000
It's not like them two to take
a holiday - Jeremy hates flying.
242
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,800
And they only went away a month ago,
down south,
243
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,040
Dorset I think,
said they got an Indian Summer.
244
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,000
Right.
245
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,760
And then when I was leaving here
last night, I said to Kath, I said,
246
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,920
"See you tomorrow, Kath."
Do you know what she said?
247
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,160
No.
"See you tomorrow."
248
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,800
Surprise trip... or anniversary?
249
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,600
# Stick 'em up, punk
It's the fun lovin' criminal. #
250
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,080
Here you go.
251
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,800
Not many in here today.
Yeah. Yeah.
252
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,760
It's the snow. They're saying
it's gonna dump down. To be honest
253
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,880
with yer,
I nearly didn't open up today
254
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,440
because I actually had
a very discombobulating
experience back at the house.
255
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:23,240
What happened?
Well, there was a knock at the door,
256
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,080
so I opened the door
and there was a man standing there -
257
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,000
face like thunder and he says...
258
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,840
Do you live here?
Well, yeah, obviously...
259
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,120
I live here and he says...
260
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,880
I live on the next street,
our gardens back on to one another,
261
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,800
and I'm not being funny,
but I can see everything
262
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,000
that goes on in this house.
263
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,400
So, I'm thinking,
264
00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,520
what am I doing, y'know?
My mind's racing cos
265
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,120
sometimes I do have a bit of a dance
in the kitchen when I'm pissed,
266
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,680
but usually I have me clothes on.
Anyway, then he says...
267
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:55,960
From my back window, we can see
everything - and it needs to stop.
268
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,520
Now I'm in a panic,
I'm like what have I done?
269
00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:00,720
What needs to stop? I mean,
270
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,320
I do this like squirty cream thing
sometimes, but I doubt it's that.
271
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,440
Anyway, then I remember...
272
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:10,680
I had climbing Ivy put in over
the window for that very reason,
273
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,880
so I'm amazed you can see
anything at all...
274
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,040
But Um... Yeah, come in,
come through and have a look.
275
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:19,840
So, I took him through to me garden
276
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,200
and he looked at the climbing
Ivy and he went...
277
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,680
I must be looking into next door.
278
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,240
And off he went,
279
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:29,840
as if he'd never even made
an accusation.
280
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,440
What a knobhead.
Yeah.
281
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,040
Begs to the question:
what have next door been up to?
282
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:38,400
Exactly. What has gotta stop?
What are they doing?
283
00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,480
Something he doesn't like seeing.
284
00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:41,960
Hm.
285
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,560
I kind of want to know
what it is now.Yeah. Me too.
286
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,000
And me.
287
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,160
Was actually thinking of sitting
in their garden and watching 'em,
288
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,480
but I don't want people thinking
I'm like quack quack.
289
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,600
I'll come with you.
OK.
290
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,600
Davey, love, do you not think
we should hang on
291
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:01,640
for Joey Kittens.
I'm just thinking maybe-
292
00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,440
Maybe he's changed his mind,
Vincent.
293
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,560
He can be a very capricious
creature, can Joey Kittens.
294
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,920
Now come on, dig in.
295
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,680
Right. Yes, no, listen,
296
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,280
I don't mean to be rude,
but it does have the distinct whiff
297
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:16,480
of, um,
sort of elderly persons breath.
298
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,920
You know what I mean, Stilton,
in't it. So I might just, uh,
299
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,280
pop out and have cigarette, instead.
Is that alright? Yeah.
300
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000
Hello.
301
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,040
Alright mate, yeah.
302
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,800
Fuck!
303
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,760
Fucking 'ell!
304
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,160
WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0
305
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,720
Hello.
306
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,840
Hello...
307
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,200
Hello...
308
00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,320
Hello?
309
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,480
Hello.
310
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,920
Fucking 'ell.
311
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,920
Shit.
312
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,760
Oh, my fucking God!
313
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:37,400
Fucking hell!
314
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,200
Oh, shit, that... that is bad.
315
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,640
Fucking 'ell, mate,
that's a bad wound, that is...
316
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,240
You need... You need to get
to hospital, mate.
317
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,280
Jesus Christ, that's a lot of blood.
318
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:48,440
Davey.
319
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:49,960
Davey?
320
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,320
Davey.
321
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,400
Right, OK. Fuck.
322
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:54,840
I don't know.
323
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,760
OK, put that on yourself, love.
Press on that.
324
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,480
Stem the bleeding,
stem the bleeding.
325
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,000
Ah, no, no. I'm gonna lift you up
a little bit, sweetheart.
326
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,880
Lift yourself up, there we go!
Ah, no, sorry, sorry, sorry.
327
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,400
You just...
328
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,440
I'm gonna call an ambulance.
I'm gonna call...
329
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,320
Fuck, no signal.
330
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:16,880
Right.
331
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:19,400
Just...
332
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,280
Don't move. Right.
333
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,400
Vinnie... Vinnie,
334
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,400
did you want to have a look
at the Highway Man memorabilia room?
335
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,720
Do I fuck, I'm tryna get through
this liquid sadness here, aren't I..
336
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,160
In here...
337
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,440
Vinnie, come and have a look
at The Highwayman memorabilia room.
338
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,320
Oh, yeah. No, I did say, um...
Yeah, mentioned that I was interested
339
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,200
in the history of the...
Tri corner hats.
340
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,760
The fuck's wrong with you? What's up?
I'll tell you what's up.
341
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,040
Upstairs, in an upstairs room,
342
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,360
Joey Kittens is lying
in a pool of real fucking blood,
343
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,720
with his guts hanging out,
substantial stomach wound.
344
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,480
Fuck me, dude!
345
00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,880
Well, hey, is he alive?
For now...
346
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:14,280
yeah, meanwhile Davey is swanning
about suspiciously upbeat,
347
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,680
saying to everyone that Joey hasn't
arrived yet, when upstairs is
a fucking bloodba-
348
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,600
Oi. Oi.
Just...
349
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,360
Oh, my God. Look at them blades.
350
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,240
Oh... Oh...
351
00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:28,160
Pistols up mounted
with original bullets.
352
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,600
Shut up!
353
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,720
Problem?
Yes, there's a fucking problem.
354
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,560
S'up?
Joey Kittens
355
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,400
is bleeding to death
from a fucking knife wound upstairs.
356
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,560
Davey has fucked us
right up the anus.
357
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,880
Hang on a minute. The woman, you
know the one with the mad eyebrow,
358
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,240
she said that the landlord
and landlady never go abroad -
359
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,240
and that they should be here today.
Right. Right.
360
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,840
The questions are these,
where the fuck are they,
361
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,560
and who the fuck
are Paula and Stephen.
362
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,840
Fuck me, dude.
363
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,080
One week after the burial,
364
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:03,240
Dick Turpin's body was dug up
365
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:07,520
and it was sold
for illegal dissection.
366
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:11,160
Davey! Davey,
what the fuck have you done man?!
367
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,480
You tell me, Monsieur?
368
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,000
He's fucking stabbed Joey Kittens.
369
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,320
He's upstairs,
he's fucking bleeding out.
370
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:21,160
Is he alright?
No, Sugar. Unsurprisingly, no.
371
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,760
He is urgent need of urgent
medical attention, urgently.
372
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,800
Now, gentlemen, come on.
373
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,000
We've only just had the starter,
374
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,440
they haven't even wheeled the meat
out, yet.Davey, for fuck's sake-
375
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,240
I'm just very disappointed in you,
Vincent,
376
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,120
snooping around.
377
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,200
What the fuck?! Davey,
for fuck's sake, man. This is crazy.
378
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,120
No!
379
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,320
Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, calm yourself.
Shit!
380
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,160
You were all very excited
381
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,280
to come here for the highly-rated
dining experience.
382
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,560
So I suggest,
that you all take a seat,
383
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:58,040
and when Stephen wheels in the meat,
we fill our boots, hmm?
384
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,120
Davey, just put the fucking
knife down. Come on.
385
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,960
Listen, man,
this is supposed to be a truce.
386
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,160
It's not exactly gonna happen
if one of you ends up dead, is it?
387
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,320
Law of the jungle, garage boy -
388
00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:11,120
eat or be eaten.
389
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,760
Davey...
390
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,000
Smokehouse Lightin' #
391
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,480
Ladies and gentlemen,
your carvery is served.
392
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,960
I must say, it looks great.
393
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,560
Give over, Michael! You great twat.
Look what's going on. Fuck's sake.
394
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,680
Oi, where's the real landlady
and landlord right now?
395
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,480
Look, everything will be fine,
as long as
396
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,360
Kittens agrees to all of my demands!
397
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,920
Vincent, why don't you bring
Shirley Temple over there.
398
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,400
I think she will be
somewhat invested
399
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,240
in this particular conversation.
400
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:01,760
Right. Well, then, I wanna come.
401
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:05,320
No, thank you, little red riding
hair. You just eat your greens.
402
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,080
And if anyone of you tries
to raise the alarm,
403
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:13,600
then I'm just gonna carve
these two like a doner kebab.
404
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,280
And I'm gonna turn
this convivial country pub
405
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,960
into a scene of untold...
406
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,280
fucking carnage.
407
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,680
Okey-dokey?
408
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,520
Fuck me.
409
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,600
Oh, Stephen...
410
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:41,600
Mm!
411
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,560
What demands, Davey?
412
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,680
McCann's money is my money.
413
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,480
And I want Joey to agree
414
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,960
that I am in control
of McCann's territory from now on.
415
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:02,120
And he's to send a message to
all interested parties telling them
416
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,960
that that is the case.
Davey, listen to me.
417
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:06,840
He's not gonna agree to any of that.
418
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,520
And why the fuck, why have you
dragged Fay up here, for God's sake?
419
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:12,720
I think you'll be surprised...
420
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,240
what people will do
when they feel their life force...
421
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,600
..ebbing away...
422
00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,520
Uncle J! Oh, fuck!
423
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:31,000
Uncle J, Uncle J...
Davey, what the fuck?!
424
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,680
You alright. Look at me.
Look at me. Fay,
425
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,280
is Joey Kittens is your Uncle?
426
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,000
Yeah, I don't fucking know him as
that - he's my Uncle J.
427
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,920
Nice family reunion.
428
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:41,280
You need to help him.
He's fucking bleeding out!
429
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,600
Can you hear me? Can you hear me?
430
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:47,400
This is bad, Ashley. This is
very, very, very fucking bad.
431
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,760
And, actually,
I would go as far to say,
432
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,400
I fear for our lives, mate.
433
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,320
Ah, Davey's losing
his fucking mind in there,
434
00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:56,720
and there is fuck all
we can do about it. I don't know.
435
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,400
Here, we'll ask him?
No. No. Ashley!Hey, how are yer?
436
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,480
We don't know who he is,
do we, love?
437
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,280
Hello, there!
438
00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,000
Are you...
Are you here for the carvery?
439
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,960
Am I fuck.
Looking for my brother-in-law.
440
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,360
Does he have a racist dog?
441
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,040
Or perhaps an eye patch?
442
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,120
Does he like Lionel Ritchie?
443
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,160
No.
No.
444
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,200
But he was here first thing
this morning
445
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,000
and according to his wife's tracker,
he's still here.
446
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:09,600
Right, well,
their windows are the same as mine,
447
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:13,160
and him back there says he can see
straight into it. So I reckon
448
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,000
if we hide down
the side of that shed,
449
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:16,600
we should be able to get
a perfect view.
450
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,440
Side of the shed?
Hmm.
451
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,800
Why not inside the shed.
It's got a window.
452
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,440
It's got a padlock, Jim.
Padlock?
453
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,360
I can have that fucker off
in two seconds flat.
454
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:30,120
Are you seriously suggesting
breaking and entering
someone's private property?
455
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,320
Yes, I fucking well am!
456
00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:34,480
Fine, it's fucking freezing.
457
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,480
Yeah, it is.
458
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,720
Piece of piss
Let me in.
459
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,880
There you go, a fucking heater.
Hey, and a kettle.
460
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:47,800
Bingo and look at that,
perfect view.
461
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:50,600
Now all we've got to do is sit
here and wait.
462
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,040
Ta-da!
463
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,480
Beers for the boys...
464
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,520
pina colada for the lady.
465
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:58,360
Cheers.
Cheers
466
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,440
Davey, please. Please, dude.
This is fucking insane!
467
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,240
Let's just talk about this like
reasonable fucking human beings.
468
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,000
Simple fix here, Joey.
469
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,360
Seriously? Seriously,
you wanna fucking die!
470
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,840
Listen, Davey,
please, I'm begging you.
471
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,760
He needs fucking help.
He's bleeding out.
472
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:23,880
He wanted me dead, made plans
to make it happen - by you.
473
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,240
What the fuck are you talking about,
you twisted fuck?!
474
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,760
Joey! Joey! he's gonna leave you
to fucking bleed out, dude.
475
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,720
Closer, closer...
476
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,440
What's he saying?
477
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,280
He said to tell Davey to...
478
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:45,160
fuck his dead brother.
479
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,080
Fuck my dead brother?
480
00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,000
Okey-dokey.
481
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,480
The fuck, fucking stop! Dude.
482
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,040
What the fuck... Davey.
483
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,920
Davey. Davey. For fuck's sake dude,
you are going too far.Get in here.
484
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:13,240
Now stay the fuck there.
485
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,240
Fucking 'ell are you
locking her in there for?
486
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,120
Vinnie, Vinnie!
What do you fucking want now?
487
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:21,320
A bloke's just arrived looking
for his brother-in-law, he says
he disappeared this morning.
488
00:27:21,360 --> 00:27:24,200
Disappeared?
Oh, how strange
489
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,320
I'll have a word with him.Oh!
Fuck me in the arse.
490
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,800
Get out of here, your big fat hands.
What the fuck is going on?!
491
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,240
What they doing?
Not much.
492
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,760
She's fucking about on her phone
and he's doing a bit of cooking.
493
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:40,840
Oh, what... what are they having?
494
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,200
Looks like some poncy omelette.
495
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,520
Ah.
Knock. Knock.
496
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,800
I can see everything
that goes on in your house
497
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:51,080
and it's fuck boring.
498
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:52,840
Well, I don't mind.
499
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,480
I got me drinks, I got me snacks,
500
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,960
got me two hunky boys for company.
501
00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,880
Him hunky?
502
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:03,560
I've seen more meat on an anorexic
pencil.Hey, fucking lean me.
503
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:07,640
No, you've got a great body,
for a man your age.
504
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:11,400
Thank you.
And you, you've got lovely hair.
505
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:15,560
My ex-husband, he had long hair.
It's like Samson.
506
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:19,120
Fucking Delilah more like.
Looks a right cunt.
507
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,680
Oh, it's alright for you men.
508
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,040
When you get to my age, as a women,
509
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,520
everyone just looks
right through you.
510
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:29,880
No, you're still worth one.
You're still a good looking woman.
Aw, thanks boys.
511
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,280
How long have you been split, then,
if you don't mind my asking?
Oh, years and years.
512
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,760
I had a lover when Sugar was little.
What a man.
513
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:41,160
Wow. He really knew what to do
in the downstairs department.
514
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,320
He's dead now, sadly.
515
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,320
Do you ever try and speak to him?
She's just told you
he's fucking dead.
516
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,640
Yeah.
You can speak with the dead.
517
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,640
What the fuck
are you talking about?
518
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,160
Seances. Hold them every month
at my farm, with select friends.
519
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:57,920
He's talking shite.
520
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,080
When you're dead,
you're fucking dead.
521
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,880
Your fucking heart stops,
your brain stops,
522
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:04,720
then they fucking burn you.
523
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,000
And that's all there is to it.
524
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,920
Can we try it, though?
525
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:12,960
Shall we give it a whirl?
526
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,480
Fucking 'ell.
527
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,080
Mannish Boy #
528
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:21,240
My brother-in-law's a delivery
driver - local pies and quiches.
529
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,000
Delivers to this place
every other day.
530
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,320
Look... today...
531
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:29,120
..he never left.
532
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,160
Ooh.
533
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,400
Well, sometimes they don't update
those things, do they?
534
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,560
Especially in bad signal. It's
probably the weather playing havoc.
535
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,800
Something's wrong...
I can feel it in me piss.
536
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,120
What a masterful grasp you have
537
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:48,240
of the English language,
that's rare...
538
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:51,040
in a manual worker.
What is your name?
539
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,840
Ian.
I'll tell you what I'll do for you,
540
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:57,240
Ian, I will go and ask the landlord,
541
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:00,240
hmm? Why don't you get yourself a...
542
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,280
a nice pint of bitter?
543
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,040
I don't wanna pint of bitter,
544
00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,600
I want to look around. It says
he's here, so he must be here.
545
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,160
Unless you've got something to hide.
546
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:20,880
Oh, you're referring
to my designer Chelseas.
547
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:25,120
Well, that's just from where
I was cutting up the meat
for the succulent carvery.
548
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,000
But if you really want to have
a look around this establishment,
549
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:32,400
why don't you just ask Paula,
the landlady, and if she agrees,
550
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,440
knock yourself out.
551
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:47,240
I'd like to look around, please.
Well...
552
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:52,400
I'm quite busy here...
so... I'd rather you didn't-
553
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,560
I want... to look.
554
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,080
Come on, then.
555
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,120
Follow me.
556
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,960
I've got a bad, bad feeling
about this.
557
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,760
Me too. Fucking 'ell.
558
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,280
There's two people bleeding
profusely upstairs.
559
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:18,960
What's he gonna do?
Show them to pie man's
560
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,520
unfeasibly large brother-in-law?
561
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,440
We need help. We need help. Listen,
562
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,280
stay with here, I'm gonna go see if
we can find some reception.Alright.
563
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:29,320
Shall we?
Yeah.
564
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,440
Oh, fuck me.
565
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,240
Oh, shit.
566
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:41,960
Oh, no, fucker.
567
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:45,200
So, this is where the magic happens.
568
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,720
What's down there?
Cellar, storage rooms, y'know.
569
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:53,600
Might he have gone down there
for some reason?
570
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,920
Unlikely, delivering pies.
571
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:57,680
Can I have a look?
572
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,400
Be my guest.
573
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,440
It Will Come Back #
574
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:15,480
Alright, lads.
Sorry, do you mind if we follow?
575
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,640
Just I've always wanted to see
what the inside
576
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,600
of a real pub cellar looks like.
577
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,640
If you insist.
578
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:29,200
As you can see, nothing but barrels,
crates and, well,
579
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:31,600
an abundance
of cheese and onion crisps.
580
00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:36,120
# Howling outside your door...
581
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:43,120
What's in there?
No idea.
582
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,760
I wanna see inside.
583
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:49,920
It seems unlikely, Ian,
584
00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,960
that your brother-in-law
would get himself into a...
585
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,720
tiny room in a pub cellar
and then just somehow
586
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,000
accidentally get locked inside,
don't you think?
587
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,920
Even so... can we open it?
588
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,720
Okey dokey.
589
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,840
I think I've got
the key here somewhere.
590
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,640
# Don't you hear me howling, babe?
591
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:19,000
# Don't you hear me howling, babe?
592
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:24,160
# Don't you hear me howling, babe? #
593
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,960
Oh!
Davey, what the fu...
594
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:36,400
Open this door!
595
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:38,000
What fresh hell's this now?
596
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:39,520
Well, in a nutshell.
597
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,120
We've had two stabbings,
a kidnap and a couple imprisoned.
598
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,520
Kathryn and Jez.
Oh, fucking 'ell.
599
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,560
Hey, let me out!
600
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,280
The fuck are they doing in there,
then?Long story, Vincent.
601
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,120
It's a fucking long story, is it?
602
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:55,600
Calm yourself down. Nobody's gonna
get hurt. They can breathe in there.
603
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:57,840
What a sweetheart. Fuck you,
604
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,440
Stephen, you beady eyed bastard.
Oi!What?
605
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,640
He's lost his fucking mind.
I fucking know that.
606
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,440
Get them poor bastards out.
I'll go and deal with the psychopath.
607
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,480
Davey! Davey, love...
How?!
608
00:34:08,320 --> 00:34:09,680
Oh, like that. Right, yeah.
609
00:34:09,720 --> 00:34:11,640
Ooh, fucking hell.
610
00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:13,800
Davey! Davey! Davey!
611
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,960
Davey! Listen,
just tell me what's happening.
612
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:19,040
If the real landlord and landlady are
fucking bound and gagged downstairs,
613
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,440
who the fuck are Paula and Stephen,
man?My cousins.
614
00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:24,040
Your cousins.
That's right.
615
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:28,680
When the venue was agreed upon,
then I had an epiphany.
616
00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:31,080
Remote pub run by an ageing couple,
617
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:33,520
I realised this might be the chance
I'd been waiting for.
618
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:35,080
So I came up last night on a recce.
619
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:37,440
Ah, perfect.
620
00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:42,040
Got talking to Kathyrn and Jeremy,
lovely couple.
621
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,800
Pretended I was opening
my own gastro pub.
622
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:46,760
Asked a few casual questions,
623
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:48,640
and they were only
too happy to answer.
624
00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:52,480
Once the cleaner's gone of a morning,
it's just me and Kath...
625
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:56,240
prepping all the food,
getting the bar fully stocked...
626
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:58,080
Bad Vibration #
627
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,840
So I slept in my car
and first thing,
628
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:04,360
Stephen and Paula arrived.
629
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,240
And we waited... until...
630
00:35:15,160 --> 00:35:16,640
Hello?
631
00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:30,080
Oh, fuck!
632
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,400
I didn't see anything, I swear.
633
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:43,040
You fucking pushed him off
a fucking cliff?Did I say cliff?
634
00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:44,360
I said gully.
635
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:48,240
Fucking hell.
636
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,480
Is he alive?
He wasn't in the van, Vincent.Urgh.
637
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:54,000
Where is he?
He's in a safe location.
638
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:57,800
He was in danger
of fucking everything up.
639
00:35:57,840 --> 00:35:59,800
Sante.
Sante.
640
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:07,600
Change of plan, Joey.
641
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,760
The pub only serves carvery
till 2:00pm,
642
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,080
so you need to arrive by 1:30pm.
Toodle-oo.
643
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:22,440
Joey, Henchman.
644
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,520
I'm afraid that Vincent
hasn't arrived yet,
645
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,280
it's probably the weather.
646
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,520
May I buy you a beverage,
while we're waiting?
647
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,400
Hmm?
648
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:35,840
Why not.
649
00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:50,280
Between 17:35 and 17:37...
650
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,800
..but nobody knows for sure.
651
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,480
Fascinating.
652
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,040
You feeling OK, Joey?
653
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,840
You fucker.
654
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,480
Ryan, kill the twat.
655
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,040
What you waiting for, Ryan?
656
00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,960
Kill the twat.
657
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:24,120
That's another one! Where's he?
658
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,720
Outside, in the boot of my car.
Oh, you...
659
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:28,280
Go on, then. What happened?
660
00:37:28,320 --> 00:37:31,360
Joey Kittens,
this is what I want you to do,
661
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,840
and if you do not agree,
then you and this...
662
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,000
..carvery food spike thing
663
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,480
are gonna become very acquainted.
664
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:42,480
Yes? 'Yes, Davey.'
665
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,080
'Yes.'
Shall I, uh...
666
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,800
start heating the puddings yet?
Fuck me, Stephen.
667
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,680
Why don't you go and see
how they're getting on with
their mains? there's a good boy.
668
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:54,920
Why did you even carry on
with the fucking carvery,
669
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,960
if you've stabbed him already,
do you know what I mean?
670
00:38:00,240 --> 00:38:02,360
"There's knocking at the gate.
671
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:08,200
Come, come, come, come...
672
00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:10,240
give me your hand.
673
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:14,920
What's done cannot be undone."
674
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,960
Hmm.
675
00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:20,080
That's really scary.
676
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:21,360
Lady Macbeth.
677
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,600
Fuck me, Lady Macbeth.
For God's sake!
678
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:26,880
This is fucked, it's unhinged!
679
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:31,080
Alright, and it's not you. This isn't
you, you're not a killer. You're not!
680
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:34,080
Well, I'm very touched
by this outpouring
681
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:35,800
of concern for me, Vincent.
682
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:39,600
And yes, things have got
a tad out of control. But...
683
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,880
why don't you just go back there
and enjoy the carvery
684
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,960
while I sit here, and try and figure
out a way to resolve things.
685
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:49,400
Alright. Well, if you mean that,
you'll give me an hug.
686
00:38:49,440 --> 00:38:51,720
Come on.
687
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:53,800
It's not like you to be shy is it.
Come on.
688
00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:56,880
It's not that is it? Christ.
689
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:00,840
Alright, man.
690
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,840
Are there any spirits here today?
691
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,720
No, but she's got a pina colada.
You can't speak,
692
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:17,200
it scares 'em away.Does it really,
the imaginary spirits.
693
00:39:17,240 --> 00:39:20,720
Jim, please.
Are there any spirits here today?
694
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:26,520
Yes. There are spirits.
695
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,400
Is it someone known
to the living in the room?
696
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,960
It is someone known.
Well, now there's a fucking surprise.
697
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:39,880
Hey, and if they're known to me what
the fuck are they doing hanging about
698
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,280
in her next door neighbour's
garden shed?
699
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,160
Jim!
700
00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:46,040
What is your name?
701
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,720
P...A...U...L.
702
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:54,080
Is it Paulie? Is it....
Is it Paulie Turner?
703
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:55,560
Yeah, Who... Who... Who's Paulie?
704
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,680
He's my ex-lover
that I told you about.
705
00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:00,360
I can't believe it.
No, neither can I.
706
00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:02,720
Paulie! Is it you?
707
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:06,920
I'm feeling a voice saying yes.
708
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:10,400
He's says he misses you.
Oh.
709
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:14,200
And he's asking if there anything
you'd like to say to him.
710
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:18,480
Is there anything from the afterlife
that he wants me to know?
711
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,600
He says life is short.
712
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,960
You must do
what you've always wanted to do,
713
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,920
before it's too late.
714
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:29,800
He says...
715
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:33,280
No, no, no.
He's fading.
716
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,040
He's fading. He's fading.
717
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,080
He's gone.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
718
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,000
Do what I've always wanted to do...
719
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,480
Um, I mean that...
I did... I did tell him...
720
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:52,960
I asked him to do it,
but he said he...
721
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,960
he did want to so...
722
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,400
What was that, then?
723
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,280
Well...
724
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,640
It's a bit out there.
725
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:28,000
Yeah! Fucking have it.
726
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:33,880
Dirty bastard.
727
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,240
Go on, go on, go on.
728
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,600
Oh, my fucking God.
729
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:49,520
No.
730
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:51,480
No, no, no.
Come on!
731
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:54,080
Harder!
732
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:55,680
Lovely, thank you.
733
00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:58,040
Very romantic, that.
Thanks.
734
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:04,520
We've tried, but it's like
Fort fucking Knox down there.
735
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,720
No one's getting out of there
without a key.
736
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,800
Shit!
737
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,720
What the fuck's this now?
738
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:26,400
Now I'm sorry to interrupt
everybody's day.
739
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,880
But there's good news and bad news.
740
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,880
Now the good news is
741
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:32,840
because the snow is getting heavier,
742
00:42:32,880 --> 00:42:35,560
Paula and Stephen
are offering everybody
743
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:37,960
in the bar a free drink!
744
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:39,400
Happy days.
745
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,320
The bad news is...
746
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,440
No fucker...
747
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:47,760
..leaves this pub...
Shit.
748
00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:49,560
..until I fucking say so!
749
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:51,600
WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0
750
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,320
There's no cause for alarm, hmm?
751
00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,440
Just put your mobiles
into the coal bucket
752
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:08,360
that Paula is bringing around.
753
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,560
We have a bit
of a situation unfolding,
754
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,800
but we do not want
anybody panicking.
755
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:15,440
There's no signal, anyway.
756
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,640
Don't look so glum, hmm?
757
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:19,680
You've got your free drinks.
758
00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,600
Blitz spirit, all in it together.
759
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:28,120
Ooh! Who can sing?
Somebody sing us a song!
760
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:30,840
Impressions, then.
761
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:32,960
Yes.
I'm a talented comedian,
762
00:43:33,000 --> 00:43:35,920
King of the One Liners.
Shut the fuck up, man.
763
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:40,160
Things are bad enough,
you're just gonna set him off.
What was that, JJ?
764
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,400
Oh, do you want to come up,
is that what it is?
765
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,080
Oh, come on. Don't be shy.
No, thank you.
766
00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,640
I really don't have, like,
a party trick or anything.
767
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:49,920
Poppycock.
768
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:54,320
You came at me once,
do you remember, because of her.
769
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:56,760
You knocked me onto my derriere.
770
00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,640
You have depths we haven't seen yet.
771
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,440
Well, come on, everybody.
Give him a round of applause.
772
00:44:06,240 --> 00:44:08,240
The stage is yours, young man.
773
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:29,120
Go in to my back
left-hand pocket, there's a key.
774
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:35,360
There's a bedroom upstairs
and Fay's in it, she's hurt.
775
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:37,640
What the fuck. Was it Davey?
She's gonna live,
776
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:39,920
but she needs checking on.
You need to go, now.
777
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,920
He's gonna fucking notice me, isn't
he?I'll cover for you. Go now.
778
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:45,040
Do you have anything else?
779
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,320
Now.
780
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:57,920
Oh, my fucking God. Oh, shit.
781
00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:59,960
Fuck. Fuck.
782
00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:06,400
Oh, shit.
783
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,600
My God, Fay. Fuck, my God.
Are you OK?
784
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,240
I am grand. Grand. Grand.
Shit. Fuck.
785
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:13,680
Where's Davey?
He's downstairs.
786
00:45:13,720 --> 00:45:15,520
He's got the whole fucking
pub hostage.
787
00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,960
I don't think we're gonna
be able to get out.
788
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,640
Do you wanna bet?
789
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:29,000
Jesus fucking Christ.
790
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,760
Is it an elephant?
An Elephant?
791
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,080
Fuck me! just get him off!
792
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:39,760
I fucking have jokes,
proper good fucking jokes.
793
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:42,480
So give him a chance! He's got a
great banger about a pope and a rat-
794
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,720
How about you sing us a song?
795
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:46,720
I don't sing songs.
Well, tough shit,
796
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:49,320
sweet cheeks,
because that is what I want.
797
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,560
Someone must be able to give us
a fucking song!
798
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,240
Who can sing us a song?
Go on, then.
799
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:58,560
Why me?Come on,
do us a nice little ditty, hmm?
800
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:02,240
Something to keep the fucking
mood light, cheer us all up.
801
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:07,640
What's that?
Probably nothing.
802
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:08,840
Nothing?
803
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,760
That isn't nothing. That is
a fucking alarm, sweetheart.
804
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,720
And where is she? Hmm?
805
00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:21,840
Little orphan Annie, where is she?
806
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:24,320
Where is she?She's gone
to the toilet for a piss, man.
807
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:26,600
Toilet?
Yes.
808
00:46:26,640 --> 00:46:28,200
Yes!
809
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,680
Knife.
810
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:37,880
Stephen, you keep
these fuckers here.
811
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:40,120
Vincent.
812
00:46:43,240 --> 00:46:45,600
Fuck.
813
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:47,520
Careful, Vinnie.
814
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,280
Stephen, do you wanna hear
some funny jokes?
815
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:51,880
Yeah. Yeah. Do... Do your jokes.
816
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:56,760
What's brown and sticky?
817
00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,600
A stick!
818
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:08,120
Fucking cunts!
819
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:10,680
Is this you, Vincent?
820
00:47:10,720 --> 00:47:12,320
Fuck, no. No, it's-
821
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:15,920
I have finally found our Judas
Iscariot?God's sake, Davey.
822
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:18,520
I was in the fucking bar
with you seconds ago!
823
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:20,560
How could it be me?!
824
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,200
Let me tell you a story...
825
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:26,680
Fuck's sake.
826
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:33,920
Everyone thinks Judas
827
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:36,600
hanged himself out of remorse
for what he did to Jesus.
828
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:40,000
That's not the truth.
829
00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:42,760
No, the truth... The truth is...
830
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:46,800
Oh, fuck, Davey! What the fuck?!
831
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:48,840
Vincent!
832
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,880
Fuck!
The truth is he was found dead
833
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:54,600
in the field that he bought
with the stolen money
834
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:57,440
and his intestines spewing out
of his body.
835
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:03,400
Revenge? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
836
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:07,560
Surely one of the disciples
wouldn't cause such butchery?
837
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:10,680
Someone did. Hmm?
838
00:48:10,720 --> 00:48:14,520
Someone found the betraying cunt
and pulled his insides outside.
839
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:19,400
Davey, I'm not Judas, am I? And
you're certainly not fucking Jesus.
840
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:22,240
I mean, honestly, if they've gone
just let them go, I say.
841
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:23,480
Let them go...?
842
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,040
I think you're forgetting
the ostrich head
843
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:28,080
and the threat on my life, Vincent.
844
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,400
What's the problem
with eating a clock?
845
00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:39,960
We have to do something here.
I don't like that Vinnie's out
there with Davey on his own.
846
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:41,680
What are you thinking?
847
00:48:41,720 --> 00:48:44,680
I'll create a distraction...
then we'll all pile out, yeah?
848
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,600
Alright.Why did the frog
get the bus to work?
849
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:50,600
Because his car got toad.
850
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:55,240
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mick Dennings,
the pride of the Emerald Isle.
851
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:56,800
Wasn't he fantastic?
852
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:59,280
Do you wanna see Uncle Ashley
do a juggling trick?Oh, yes!
853
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,560
Yes. Yes.
Juggling, for fuck's sake.
854
00:49:01,600 --> 00:49:03,400
Yes! Go on.
855
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,240
I think they want to see
Uncle Ashley...
856
00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,560
doing empty pint glass
juggling trick.
857
00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:12,320
Yeah.
Yeah.Good man.
858
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:14,800
Now I've got one pint glass,
do I have a second...
859
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:16,480
Curtis Plum, you are a legend.
860
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:19,080
Thank you. Stephen, if you don't
mind.Yeah. Yeah, use that one.
861
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,240
Now, it's a very simple set of...
862
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:22,840
Butter fingers.
863
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:26,600
You know what, I hate when things
just fall down and smash!
864
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:28,280
Ahh!
865
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:30,200
Bastard!
Stop.
866
00:49:30,240 --> 00:49:33,640
Shit. She's down!
Get away from this danger!
867
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:35,680
Fucking hell!
868
00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:37,280
God Almighty.
869
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,640
K-9! Racist K-9.
870
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:43,760
Money Honey #
871
00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:48,280
# Money honey, woo... #
872
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,720
Vin?
Vinnie?
873
00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:58,480
Vin?
874
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:00,600
Can't see a fucking thing.
Vin?
875
00:50:01,800 --> 00:50:03,800
Oi, look. Footprints this way.
876
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:31,800
How can it just stop?
They must be nearby.
877
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:35,160
I know, but just listen, dude.
I think we should go back.
878
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,400
We need a fucking warm up.
We'll have a cup of tea.
879
00:50:37,440 --> 00:50:40,520
We'll just talk about all this, try
and figure it out. It's out of hand.
880
00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:42,560
Vinnie!
Fucking hell.
881
00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,040
Vin!
Fuck.
882
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:47,280
Vinnie!
Vin.
883
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,440
Vin.
Vinnie.
884
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:51,960
Vinnie.
885
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:53,960
Vinnie.
886
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:01,120
Gotcha ya.
887
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,360
You can't hide forever, Joseph.
888
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,000
Where are you?
889
00:51:13,560 --> 00:51:15,240
Oh, fu...
890
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:18,480
Oh, fuck.
891
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:22,960
Oh, fuck me.
892
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:27,840
Oh, no, fucking 'ell.
893
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:31,520
Joey, I am so sorry, bud. Fuck me.
894
00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:33,720
Phone...
895
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,520
Must...
896
00:51:35,560 --> 00:51:37,800
Hey...
You knew.
897
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:40,800
Didn't you?Just...
You knew he was gonna do this!
898
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:44,160
Just let's put that down.
Just put the fucking gun down.
899
00:51:44,200 --> 00:51:47,560
He was my Uncle!Yeah, I know.
I didn't know, I had no idea.
900
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:49,320
Now he's fucking dead!
Fay. Fay.
901
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:53,120
Listen to me, listen,
I had know idea he was your uncle.
902
00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:55,120
I'm really fucking sorry. Listen,
903
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:58,280
Davey's a fucking nut case, he's a
law unto himself, he's a fucking-
904
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:01,200
You fucking double crossed us!
I swear to God almighty, I didn't.
905
00:52:01,240 --> 00:52:03,800
I thought I heard voices.
906
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:05,560
Fuck!
907
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:08,600
One more move, sweetheart,
I'll blow her fucking head off.
908
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:11,400
Then I'll...
I'll blow his fucking head off.
909
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:15,280
You seem to be under the impression
that that would concern me.
910
00:52:15,320 --> 00:52:17,200
Well, it fucking concerns me.
911
00:52:17,240 --> 00:52:19,320
Oi.
912
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:27,240
Put that gun down.
913
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:29,680
You wouldn't dare.
914
00:52:29,720 --> 00:52:33,640
Put the gun down.You haven't got the
bottle, Vincent.Put the gun down.
915
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:39,680
Do you know, a couple of months ago
916
00:52:39,720 --> 00:52:44,040
we were on the edge of a fucking
cliff and a shit rusty old bus
917
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:46,360
and we all nearly died.
918
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:51,320
And when we got off, we vowed
to live our lives to the full
919
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:55,680
and not get wrapped up
with fucking psychopaths...
920
00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:58,160
that'll try shoot us!
921
00:52:59,720 --> 00:53:02,240
Now I am telling you
for the last time -
922
00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:04,520
put that fucking gun down!
923
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:18,600
Vinnie?!
Vinnie?!
924
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:50,000
You Will Become #
925
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:32,640
'This is my family. Here.'
926
00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:39,120
'You're the ones that cheer me up
when I am sad.'
927
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:42,760
I tell you what, it's actually quite
cosy this place ain't it?Yeah.
928
00:54:43,560 --> 00:54:45,040
You are never gonna believe this...
929
00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,480
We've only gone and done it,
it is the right room.
930
00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:52,320
'You're the ones who put a smile
on my face when I feel like shit.'
931
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,680
I love you, dude.
I love you, too, man.
932
00:54:54,720 --> 00:54:56,360
Look after yourself, yeah?
933
00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,160
I love you.
934
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,200
I care for you.
935
00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:10,720
You're my dad?
936
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:12,720
Yeah, I am. Yeah.
937
00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:17,080
Right, I will see you soon.
938
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:19,120
Yeah.
939
00:55:21,160 --> 00:55:23,040
Do you want to do it?
Yeah.
940
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:24,640
Yeah?
Yes. I want to do Titanic.
941
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:27,920
It's quite nice, in't it?
942
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,480
It's like we're flying, in't it?
943
00:55:31,720 --> 00:55:33,960
I always think about
what you whispered.
944
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:40,440
34%...
945
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:47,120
..was always...
946
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:53,080
enough.
947
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:05,080
So Much Trouble In My Mind #
948
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:10,920
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