Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:03,760
This programme contains
very strong language,
2
00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,200
adult humour,
and adult themes.
3
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,520
Fucking state of that.
4
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,880
Honestly, you send them
a perfectly good passport photo,
5
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:23,400
they send it you back looking
halfway between Pablo Escobar
and the local paedophile.
6
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,160
I think you look cute.
I tell you what,
7
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,080
if I was ten years younger...
Sorry, no offence, Elizabeth,
8
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,480
but we, A:
have it on good authority
9
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,160
that you do in fact have a...
how do we call it, cursed vagina?
10
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,680
Bewitched.
It's wise.And B:
11
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:39,120
I think it's highly inappropriate
for you to be flirting with me,
12
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:42,520
because I am to be
your future manager.
13
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,440
Oh, dear God.
14
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,360
After the financial bloody
clusterfuck you made
15
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,760
of the Rat and Cutter,
you're now gonna buy this, are you?
16
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,160
Not buy it, Vincent, lease it.
And no, I haven't made
17
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,360
a fucking clusterfuck of it,
I've turned it around.
18
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,480
Now I've got me sights set on...
..this place.
19
00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:01,960
And you're doing what you always do,
fucking bull at a shagging gate.
20
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,000
Just do one thing at a time, man.
21
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,600
Is exactly NOT the advice
of every great entrepreneur.
22
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,480
And I should know,
I watch a lot of Dragons Den.
23
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,120
Yeah, well get that fucking
jukebox fixed then.
24
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,760
And get some bar snacks!
Why is he always here?
25
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:15,600
Hey, when I was young,
this bloke used to
26
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,120
come round with a basket of fish
and we all used to say to him,
27
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,280
"Have you got crabs?"
28
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:23,280
You know, for a laugh!
29
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:25,800
What, the good old days, was it?
30
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,400
I had you in here enough times.
Well, I say "in here."
31
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,040
You were in the van
in the car park
32
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,680
with a packet of prawn cocktail
crisps.Yeah, I know.
33
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,240
Seeing as I drove you home
on more than one occasion.
34
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,040
How are you gonna afford this,
35
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,320
when all your money's wrapped up
in the Rat and Cutter?
36
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,280
Well, therein lies a very cunning
plan, one which involves me
37
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:44,640
going for a four days to Dusseldorf
38
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,440
to meet Veronica,
my son's mother, and her...
39
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:49,520
Drum roll please.
40
00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,560
..her very wealthy parents!
41
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,560
Yeah.
42
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,880
Why would Hans' German
grandparents buy
43
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,640
a fucking run-down pub in Hawley?
I've asked Hans,
44
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,400
and it turns out his granddad
is an angel investor,
45
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,840
so all I've gotta do is
turn on me natural pizzazz,
46
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:07,320
and a few well-placed lies,
and kerching!
47
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,920
Liz Jones and her cursed fanny
are my new employees.
48
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:14,040
Why's it cursed?Please can we not
talk about my mother's fanny?
49
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,520
It's dangerous. It's killed
several men, an't it love?Listen.
50
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,400
Only eight men have died.
51
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,000
The other 53 are roaming around
quite happy, thank you.
52
00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,480
That number's gone up.
Yeah, well, it will.
53
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,280
Hear, hear. Aren't any of them
ever died mid-pump?
54
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,160
Just the one!
What's it like, Dusseldorf?
55
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,560
Hotbed of filth and debauchery,
I've no doubt.
56
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,360
Oh, it's beautiful city.
Beautiful, yeah.
57
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,560
Famed for its iconic Rhine Tower.
Although I do have,
58
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,680
you know, a few contacts over there
in the debauchment industry,
59
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,520
and I will be frequenting those
for a days prior to
60
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,520
toddling off and
meeting the parents.
61
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,440
Anyway! Love to chat, must fly.
62
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,080
And, er, as they say in Germany,
63
00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:53,960
"Hasta la Vista, cunts."
64
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,240
Is Dusseldorf not in Spain?
65
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,560
99 Luftballons #
66
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,360
Agh!
67
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,240
Yup?
Hello, Mr Schaffner?
68
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,520
Speaking.
There is a visitor here in reception
69
00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,200
wishing to see you.
Visitor? Who is it?
70
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,200
He says his name is
Bernard Law Montgomery.
71
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,240
Money
72
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,960
# The best things in life are free
73
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,240
# But you can give them
to the birds and bees... #
74
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:49,040
Ta-da! He-hey!
75
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,800
W-What in the name of Jesus H Fuck
are you doing here?
76
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:55,160
Hey, I got your hotel details
from Vinnie,
77
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,440
bought myself a cheap flight over.
Come Fly!
78
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:01,760
Absolutely fucking shite airline!
79
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,640
W-W-W-Why would you do that?
W-Why would you make
80
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,400
such a strange and fucking incorrect
81
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,440
decision, you manky old pube?!
Hey, hey.
82
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,560
We all nearly died that day,
Tommo, on that coach.
83
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,840
You weren't even fucking on it!
I was fucking... on the tractor,
84
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,040
getting fucking dragged
to my untimely end!
85
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:20,800
Well, not that untimely, eh, Jim?
86
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:23,840
Right, come on! Off you fuck. Allez.
87
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,520
Hey, and I made a vow that day
88
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:28,520
that all the things I'd been
putting off had to get done.
89
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,520
Right.Fucking carpe diem.
Fucking bucket list!
90
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,560
Right, and what, you've always
dreamed of visiting Dusseldorf?
91
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,560
Is that the right pronunciation?
Dusseldorf?
92
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,160
Bukkake.
93
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,080
Buk... I'm so sorry about this.
94
00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,040
Sorry. Fuck.
95
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:47,160
You say Bukkake?Yeah, yeah! Well,
it's famous for it over here, innit?
96
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,840
All the underground whatnots
and that.
97
00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,600
And YOU know all
the fucking right places.
98
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:53,520
Right. OK.
99
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,880
I ca... I can't believe
this is happening to me.
100
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,960
Right. How do I put it? Jim,
101
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,880
fuck off, you manky old scrotum.
102
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:04,080
Get on the next fucking overcrowded,
shitty flight back home!
103
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,160
There we go! Avanti! Bon jour.
Hey, hey, hang on!
104
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,640
Some people wanna fucking skydive,
105
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,480
or-or they fucking go
to the Great Barrier Reef.
106
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,840
This is my Taj Mahal, Tommo.
107
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:17,880
My Great Wall of China.
108
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,640
Good luck to you.
109
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,560
Fine!
110
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,720
I'll just ask around then.
111
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:38,120
Fuck! Fucking hell! Fine.
112
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,840
Jim. I do know people.
I do know places.
113
00:05:40,880 --> 00:05:43,520
But listen to me. Right?
Mark my words. Are you marking me?
114
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,280
Marking, marking.
Heed me, Jim. Right?Heeding.
115
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,040
When you have shot your mugly
little wad, that's us done.
116
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,440
Right? We're finished.
We are not... I repeat, we are NOT
117
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,760
on a mini break together.
118
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,440
Yeah, absolutely not, no.
119
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,000
Spliff #
120
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,160
Wow, fucking hell.
121
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,880
Jesus Christ, Jim. You've got
crisps in your beard, love.
122
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,160
Fuck's sake! Fucking hell.
123
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,160
Thomas.
Mila!
124
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,160
Meine kleine Frauleina.
125
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,960
This is my friend, James.
I say "friend," I mean, err,
126
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,760
he's more of a rancid old farmer
who I'm only acquaintances with
127
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,160
because we grow weed under his land.
128
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,600
Charmed to meet you, Mila.
Hi.Fucking hell.
129
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,960
So, I understand you are here
for the bukkake?
130
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:30,800
That's right.
131
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,840
OK, we do classic bukkake here.
Oh.
132
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,960
Three men, one woman, OK?
OK.
133
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,440
And-And...
134
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,680
..what if I wanted
to be on my knees?
135
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:46,200
Oh. Hmm, this is extra.
Do you have cash?
136
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,760
Oh, yeah. Got a few bob here.
137
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,280
I say, Jim. Fucking hell.
138
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,680
Guten Abend.
139
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:58,920
And we will be joined
by Anton and Dieter.
140
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,480
Don't be intimidated.
They're extremely large,
141
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,560
but just follow their lead.
Congratulations.
142
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,760
Yeah, right, yeah.
143
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:07,880
So, off we go.
144
00:07:07,920 --> 00:07:12,120
Go on. Good luck and, err,
don't be too gross, eh?
145
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:15,760
Hmm.
146
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,600
Oops, sorry, mate.
Fucking hell.
147
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:22,720
Ah! Guten outfit. Ah. Sehr gut.
148
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,480
Dad, are you in Dusseldorf?
Hans, son!
149
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,680
I am indeed. Yes, I'm, err...
150
00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:35,960
currently soaking up the cultural
highlights of this fine city.
151
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,920
Fucking hell.
152
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,920
Sorry, love.
I've just seen a cathedral.
153
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,600
Do you want to meet at Grandma
and Grandpapa's house or before?
154
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,840
And Mummy can't wait to see you.
155
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,360
Really?
Oh, yes!
156
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,680
She says it will be strange
after all the years,
157
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,880
but also wunderbar.
They are doing dinner at 6:00PM.
158
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:54,600
Alright. Well, listen, I've got
a few things to clear up here first,
159
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,000
but ping me over the address.
I've got a hire car
160
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,160
so I suppose I can, err,
161
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,600
toodle... ooohh, shit.
162
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,680
Err, Hans, love,
I'll see you at 6:00, alright?
163
00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:06,720
Fucking hell, Jim! Jim?!
164
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,960
The fuck have you done, you?!
165
00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,560
Me? Nothing!
I said, I said, don't be too gross.
166
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,160
Did I not say that?!
I wasn't!
167
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,680
Alright, I mean,
we were just getting to it and...
168
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:18,120
alright, I know I've got a bit
of an intense jack-off face.
169
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,080
Oh, Christ.But she just started
crying and... and fled!
170
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,760
Ask fucking Ant and Dec!
171
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,440
Shit on fire,
you miserable old cunt! Sake!
172
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:29,360
Mila, sweetheart, love, baby, angel.
Are you alright in there?
173
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,200
I'm sorry.
No, no, no. Don't you be sorry.
174
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,480
He is a mangy cunt
with a horrible jerk-off face.
175
00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,320
Just come out here
and we can talk about it.
176
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,520
Is she alright?
Fucking dickhead.Argh!
177
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,800
Argh, fucking amo...
Hey, I'm sorry if it was me.
178
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:45,080
I mean, the last thing I wanted...
No, no, it wasn't you.
179
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,760
You were a gentleman.
180
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,720
It's me.
181
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:52,160
I shouldn't have come
to work tonight.
182
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,440
I'm just so worried.
183
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,920
W-W-Why? What's happened?
My brother, Otto.
184
00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,000
He's in the hospital.
He had a heart attack.
185
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,080
Oh, that's... that's terrible.
Not ideal.
186
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,240
I have his phone,
and he keeps getting
187
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:08,000
these messages
from someone named Boseman.
188
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:12,320
Right, so that's all in German,
in't it, so...
189
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,000
He says, "We want the gear.
190
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,880
When and where? Don't ignore me!
191
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:22,000
Fucking call me,
or I'll find you, ass face."
192
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,800
Ass face, right, that's...
that's a rare insult that, in't it?
193
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,640
So, what's... what's he got
himself involved in?
194
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,000
Envelopes.
195
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,920
Why?
196
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,600
Well, Otto runs
the local post office,
197
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,040
and since the legalisation
of cannabis,
198
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,400
people come here to smoke, to party,
199
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:46,160
from the UK, France.
200
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,160
And many of them get the idea
to post drugs back home.
201
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,320
So they google "local post office."
202
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,800
Otto's is the first hit.
So they wander in, and ask...
203
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,760
How much to post a letter
back to the UK?
204
00:09:57,800 --> 00:09:59,640
So he tells them
the price of a stamp.
205
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,720
Otto knows they're posting
weed, mushrooms,
206
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,200
then he throws them into
a special red "delivery bag."
207
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,920
Which he then brings home with him.
208
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,200
Because who is going
to make a complaint?
209
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:11,840
"Oh, my drugs never made it home."
210
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,440
Fucking clever. Perfect crime.
But then,
211
00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,120
he didn't know
what to do with them all.
212
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,000
Hence, Boseman?
Fuck me. There's...
213
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,400
There's thousands
of fucking pounds' worth.
214
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,240
Maybe tens of thousands.
215
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,720
People pay 40, 50 euros
for mushrooms,
216
00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,400
even more for the strong ones.
217
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:29,360
But I can't get involved.
218
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,320
I don't want trouble
with the police.
219
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,280
Ah, well, congratulations, Mila,
220
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,720
because we deal with this sort
of thing all the fucking time.
221
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,000
For a small remuneration,
222
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,120
i.e. a cut of the profits,
we could...
223
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,440
get some of the contents
of these envelopes,
224
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,080
to, err, Mr Boseman.
225
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,000
Herr Boseman, if you will.
Deutscher, very good.
226
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,640
Err, and, you know,
make the transaction.
227
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,480
You would do that for me?
228
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:55,280
Mila, of course. Me casa es su casa.
229
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:56,880
You can have the money.
I don't need it.
230
00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,680
50-50. Eh? Let's say that.
231
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,480
80-20.
60-40.
232
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,000
OK, I accept 60.
233
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,440
Ah, fucking well done.
234
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,480
Thank you so much, Tommo.
Bitte schon.
235
00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,800
If you meet them, you might
need someone who speaks German.
236
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,640
Do you know anyone?
237
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:16,080
Mila, would you believe it...
238
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:18,360
I know just the man.
239
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,040
Here he fucking is, eh!
240
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:35,200
Listen, are you gonna be alright
with this? You won't tell your mum?
241
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,000
It's just, err, our little secret.
Yes, it is exciting.
242
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,480
Oh, yes.
Like a movie.
243
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,080
The illegal drop
in a discreet location.
244
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,680
Oh, yes, well, listen.
That's how your father rolls.
245
00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,160
It's wall-to-wall adventure
and intrigue, in't it? Oh, yes.
246
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:50,800
Yeah, except we're meeting them
round the back of a large
garden furniture warehouse.
247
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,600
Alright. On that note, avanti!
248
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,160
Let's go.
249
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,720
It's a quick in-and-out.
Stick to the plan
250
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,800
and we'll be sipping steins
on the Rhine.
251
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,000
Bob's yer fucking uncle.
252
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,680
Right.
253
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:26,040
Jim, you stay here with the gear,
me and Hans'll go and negotiate.
254
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:27,760
Yeah. I don't like this.
255
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,800
They've got nasty eyes.
256
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,680
They're probably gonna kill us
and dump our bodies in the Seine.
257
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,640
The Seine is in France.
258
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,440
You're missing the fucking point.
259
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,680
I am THIS close to achieving
a lifelong ambition,
260
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,920
and now I'm gonna get shot
in the face
261
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,120
on some misguided
envelope-based fucking scam.
262
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:47,120
Jim, love, how do I put this gently?
263
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:50,640
Um, shut the fuck up,
you stupid old cunt!
264
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,680
Ah, Mr Boseman.
265
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,080
Wo ist Otto?
266
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,760
Tell him that, err,
we are colleagues
267
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,560
and we have what he needs.
268
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,880
Post-Brexit-Weihnachtsmann.
269
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,960
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, what's he saying?
270
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,480
Erm, they say Otto sent Santa Claus,
271
00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:30,040
I think they mean Jim,
and his two elves,
272
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,880
that's us,
to do his deal for him.OK.
273
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,880
And then they did a bunch
of follow-up stuff
274
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:38,160
which is German humour and won't
be funny to you.OK. I see.
275
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:41,720
Now they are asking how much
you want for the gear.
276
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,840
Yes, right. We want 20,000 euro.
277
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,640
Zwanzigtausend Euro?
Yeah.
278
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:56,480
They say that Santa must be drunk
on all the whiskey if we want 20K.
279
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:05,440
They will give us 4K if we agree
to fill their Christmas stockings.
280
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:07,840
Jesus Christ, fucking
gentle humour this, in't it?
281
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,200
Actually, tell 'em 15 grand
and that's me final offer.
282
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,240
Rude. Right, alright, ten grand,
283
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,200
and that's as low as I'll go.
284
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,240
They say five.
285
00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:21,840
Remind those cunts who won the war!
286
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,320
No, Jim. We're not going down
that route, thank you very much.
287
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,800
Alright, nine grand.
Nine grand, and that is it.
288
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:30,000
That is as low as I'll go
or may God strike Jim down.
289
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,040
Eight.
290
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,480
Fine, done.
Fucking great.
291
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,000
Now let's get the dough
so we can get on with the bukkake.
292
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,040
Tell them we want to see the cash
before the drugs get handed over.
293
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,000
They want a photograph
with Santa Claus.
294
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,040
You what? Are you for real?
295
00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:56,600
Yes, they want to send it
to a friend.
296
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,680
Crikey. Alright, err... go on.
Hey. Hey.
297
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,680
Having a grey beard does not
make me Santa Claus.Oh, my God.
298
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,320
Rasputin had a grey beard.
Fucking Fidel Castro...
299
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,080
Get in that fucking selfie,
you cunt!
300
00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:08,800
They're wearing disposable gloves!
301
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,320
Only killers wear disposable gloves.
302
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,440
Ah, well, I don't know,
maybe he's got a germ phobia.
303
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,280
Go on, get in the selfie, love.
There we go!
304
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,880
Ja, schnell. Sehr gut!
Fuckin' hell.
305
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:20,440
Ja, super cool.
306
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,800
Come, come.
307
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,040
He says,
"Now one with all of us in."
308
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,680
You joking? What?
309
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:29,160
OK!
310
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,440
Ah, we're singing?
311
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:36,160
Yeah, lovely!
312
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,840
Argh!
313
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:40,880
Argh, Jesus! Fuckin' hell!
314
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:45,600
Hey!
No, no, no, no!
315
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:59,040
The fucking hire car! No!
316
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,560
Fuck!
317
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,280
No!
WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0
318
00:16:05,328 --> 00:16:07,760
My best shirt was in that suitcase.
319
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,800
And my tingly body rub.
And my corn plasters.
320
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,240
You honestly gonna go through
that old weird smorgasbord?
321
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,760
They've nicked off with our
fucking luggage, our passports,
322
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,840
and my fucking hire car,
that I didn't get insured!
323
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:21,480
You didn't take the insurance?
No.
324
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,720
Would you like to take
the insurance?Nah.
325
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,640
Four days in Dusseldorf,
what's the worst that can happen?
326
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,440
'Would you like
to take the insurance?'
327
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,600
Fuck!
We lost a car, but...
328
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:36,560
we gained a jacket! Ah!
329
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,960
Stop it. I've not got time
for whimsey now, love.
330
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,480
Oh. What's this?
331
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,680
What is it? What-What-What is it?
332
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,800
"Br-Brauerei Schumann, 10:30"?
333
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,480
That's a beer hall.
That's a fucking meet up!
334
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,840
He's going there tonight!
Unless it was last night
335
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,040
and it was just still in his pocket.
I swear to God, man.
336
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,800
But Dad, we have to go
to Grandma and Grandpapa's.
337
00:16:56,840 --> 00:17:00,560
Ah.In fact, we need
to be there in... 22 minutes.
338
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,320
OK, OK. Hmm.
Here's what we're gonna do.
339
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:04,840
We will go to the relatives,
have a bit of din dins, lovely.
340
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,520
Then early to bed, we sneak out
and retrieve what's rightfully ours.
341
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,040
Brilliant. Call an Uber.
Hang on a minute!
342
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,480
What about me getting
what I came for?
343
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,280
Jim, read the fucking room.
Events have moved on.
344
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,840
So you're just gonna go off
to dinner and leave me here
345
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,480
in the middle of fucking nowhere?!
346
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,120
You can come with us.
347
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,760
As you say in England,
348
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,760
the more of the people,
the merrier the situation.
349
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,000
Nice one! Yeah. Yeah.
Dickhead.
350
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,000
It's Mummy.
351
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,960
This is a huge moment.
352
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,080
My mother and my father reunited
after so many years.
353
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,000
Alright, alright, I'm coming.
354
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,720
Words which, ironically,
led to your creation.
355
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,200
Mummy!
And that's what I said when I came.
356
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,040
Hans.
It's Daddy. Thomas.
357
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,440
Well, yes.
It has been a very long time.
358
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,920
Yes.
Hello again.
359
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,120
Hello, Veronica.
360
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,040
You're looking well.
Very, err, Germanic.
361
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,240
With your hair like that and, err,
the roll neck and that, you know.
362
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,600
And you look very... English.
363
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:18,920
Thank you. I think.
Who is this?
364
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,280
This is Jim, a friend of Dad's.
365
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,440
Good to meet you.
I've heard a lot about you.
366
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,480
Well, the 16-year-old you,
367
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,600
the one that liked cowgirl
on school trips.
368
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,960
Jim! Sorry about that.
369
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:32,400
Veronica, Hans!
370
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,200
Papa!Hello!
Kinder.
371
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:38,440
So good to see you.
372
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,720
Better have a drink first, eh?
373
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,800
Like being at the circus.
374
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,920
Meine Liebe.
Opa?
375
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,360
Ja?
Das ist mein Vater, Thomas.
376
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,000
Vater.
Und sein Freund, Jim.Freund.
377
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,000
Did you not bring any luggage?
We had it stolen.
378
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,800
I hope you have insurance.
Hah.
379
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:02,840
Little Green Bag #
380
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,280
Fifty quid? Fuck that.
381
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,520
What's the worst that could happen?
382
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,000
Never mind.
I'll lend you some of my briefs.
383
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,840
Let's go.
Come!
384
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,400
Did he say briefs?
385
00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:24,000
Thomas. Come. Hurry up. Schnell.
386
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:25,800
This is our sauna,
387
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:27,840
and I built it with my own hands.
388
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:32,040
Just as Gitta is preparing us
the most amazing feast,
389
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,560
and there's nothing more enticing
for the appetite than a...
390
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,600
cold plunge.
391
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,080
Oh.
So, the secret is
392
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:43,560
complete submersion
all the way to your neck.
393
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,120
And you hold it for two minutes,
and not a second less.
394
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,320
Two... Two min...
Two full minutes? Right.
395
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:51,600
Now follow me.
396
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,600
Yeah.
Now you, come.
397
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,400
OK.
Off you go.
398
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:03,200
Here goes nothing, eh?
399
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,480
Just, er, test the water,
as it WERE! Argh!
400
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:09,240
Oh, fuck me. Yes, no, that is...
That's very, very cold actually.
401
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,400
Don't allow yourself
to think about it.
402
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:14,040
Yes, no, I have thought about it
and the brain is very much saying,
403
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,680
"No, thank you!"
So I'm just gonna go sit in there.
404
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:20,080
Alright, count him in. Funf...
405
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:22,160
Vier... drei...
406
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,760
zwei... eins...
407
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,200
Have I mentioned that
I do have a heart defect?
408
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,040
And so I'm a bit concerned this
might bring about a cardiac arrest.
409
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,360
Dear God!
410
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,040
Oh, God.
411
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,840
Hey, reminds me
of the Merchant Navy.
412
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,040
Except then we were all naked.
413
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,400
I'm fucking freezing!
414
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,640
I'm just gonna get some wine
for Uncle J.
415
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,200
Alright.
416
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,640
Oh, and get me some tampons,
will you?
417
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,920
I told you, use a Moon Cup.
418
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,360
Fay, just get the tampons.
419
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,920
You get 'em. I'm not buying
shitty single-use plastic.
420
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,760
Weirdo.
421
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,600
Excuse me, love.
422
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,200
Parked your way today.
423
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,240
In your dreams.
424
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,440
# Don't sweat the technique...
425
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,480
Alright, fucking go! Go!
Fucking joking!
426
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,400
Fuck's sake, Fay. You were meant
to go in for a bottle of wine.
427
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,920
Well, an opportunity arose.
Did you hit him then?
428
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,080
Only gently.
Fuck me!
429
00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:40,440
Thought we were leaving
all this small-time shit behind.
430
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,480
And where are
my fucking tampons, eh?
431
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:46,000
That guy in there was probably just
doing his fucking job, minimum wage,
432
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,880
probably get into all
kinds of trouble now.
433
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,400
It's not right, Ally.
434
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:52,240
You're asking me to compromise
my moral standpoint on these things.
435
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,560
Moral fucking standpoint?
As if you didn't just fucking
436
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,040
smash a guy in the face
for a couple of quid?
437
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,000
I fucking told you
to use a Moon Cup.
438
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,200
Oh, fuck off.
439
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,120
Danke schon.
Bitte schon.
440
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,680
So...
441
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,040
..Ernst, or, er,
perhaps now that we're related,
442
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,880
I could venture to call you "Papa."
443
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,080
Keep it as Ernst.
OK. As you wish.
444
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:21,880
Er, listen, about earlier,
er, the whole ice plunge situation,
445
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,440
I think we got off on the wrong foot,
didn't we? Because you see,
446
00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:27,200
the whole great outdoors, it's not
really my natural environment.
447
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,280
You know, I'm more of a...
nighttime economy guy.
448
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,480
You know, er, pubs, clubs,
bars where people can go
449
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,640
and find fun and friendship.
450
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,240
Everyone to their own.
Hmm. And you know, as it happens,
451
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:42,160
I do have a small portfolio
of venues in the UK,
452
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,000
er, but I'm ever looking to expand.
453
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,560
Hm. I see.
454
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,640
Mm. Hans helped me financially
to set up my flagship venue,
455
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:55,160
The Rat and Cutter,
and now I've got my little eye
456
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:58,000
on, er, another local bar,
very up-and-coming,
457
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,480
and I was wondering
if you might want to chat
458
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,800
investment opportunities.
459
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,600
You got my daughter pregnant.
460
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,480
Now let me ask the question:
461
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:13,160
Why do you think
Veronica never told you
462
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,000
that you're Hans' father?
463
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,320
Because we met when we were very
young, and on a school exchange.
464
00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:22,360
So it's one of them, innit?
465
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,120
She went through hell.
466
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,640
She was 16 years old
with a newborn child.
467
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,960
Couldn't go out with her friends.
468
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:32,440
Couldn't go on holidays.
469
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,760
She had to postpone college.
470
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:36,760
And why?
471
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,680
Because some English boy
472
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,320
was too cheap to buy prophylactics.
473
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:43,560
A fucking condom.
474
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,240
Well,
475
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,440
it wasn't the expense as such,
you know...
476
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,840
She didn't tell you
because she thought...
477
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,680
you are a bad bet.
478
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,280
She thought your life
479
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,320
will be chaotic and failing.
480
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,320
Even though
481
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:05,400
she was physically attracted to you,
482
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:07,200
at that age,
483
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,880
she was smart enough,
even then, to realise
484
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:13,560
you're the kind of guy
that can't be relied upon.
485
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,400
Well, how wrong was she, eh?
486
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,720
Yeah. Was she?
487
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,040
I think of myself
488
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,320
as a good judge of character.
It comes with my line of work.
489
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:32,200
And I think Veronica,
my daughter, she is too.
490
00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:36,360
Right.
Ernst, answer this for me.
491
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,760
I've always wanted to know.
492
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:41,680
What's with the fucking umlaut?
493
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,520
Huh?
494
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,760
Oh, my God, this is...
495
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,680
Look, there's something
I didn't tell you about my uncle.
496
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,440
Hmm, and you thought you'd wait
'til you got to the door, did ya?
497
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,280
It's not a big deal. It's just,
he doesn't look like you'd expect.
498
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,760
Right?
How do you mean?
499
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,160
There is plenty of space.
500
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,400
The bathroom is just outside.
501
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,400
And, er,
502
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,480
I will bring you some towels.
503
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,480
Danke Schon #
504
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:31,760
# Thank you for all the joy
and pain...
505
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,240
The fuck you doing here, Jim?
You can't stay the night.
506
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,560
As soon as we've got that gear,
you're fucking off to your hotel.
507
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,120
What hotel?
508
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,560
What do you mean, what hotel?
Well, I didn't book one.
509
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,640
I just thought I'd sort it once
I got here.Who the fuck does that?
510
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,880
I thought you might have
a spare bed in your room.Why...
511
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,080
Why would I have...
There you go.
512
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:53,680
Oh.
Speak if you need anything else.
513
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,680
We are only upstairs.
514
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,360
I want that fucking bukkake, Tommo.
515
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:03,440
And I'm not going home
until it's done.
516
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,280
Your actions...
517
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,680
are not the actions
of a reasonable man!
518
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,480
# What a mess
519
00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:12,480
# Danke schon... #
520
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:16,600
It's like Morecambe and Wise,
this, innit?
521
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,680
Two grown men sharing a room.
522
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,600
Separate beds.
Simpler time, you see.
523
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,120
He said he'd give us a signal
when they went to bed. Where is he?
524
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,760
No one thought anything of it
back then.
525
00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,880
Is this the same halcyon age when
Jim Davidson were doing Chalky White
526
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:31,840
and Benny Hill were chasing
scantily clad women
527
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,720
round the grounds of stately homes?
528
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,040
Oh, go on. That's right.
529
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,320
Sully it with your woke agenda.
Oh, fuck me.
530
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:43,000
Everyone's fucking
offended nowadays.
531
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,520
It's got so you can't say anything.
Oh, my God.
532
00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:47,920
When we were kids,
you got given a nickname,
533
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,280
you just got on with it.
When I was young,
534
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,800
people used to call me
"Pig Shit Jimmy,"
535
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,960
cos I lived on farm.
536
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,440
And it hasn't done me
any harm, has it, eh? Eh?
537
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,160
I'm not so sure about that, love.
538
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:06,760
Ein...
539
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,240
..und aus.
540
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:17,240
Ein...
541
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,480
..und aus.
542
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,840
Immer in Rhythmus.
543
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,080
Jim, get your fucking shoes on.
544
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:43,040
We're going without him.
545
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,600
Prost!
546
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,720
Prost!
547
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,160
Oh, hello.
Someone's been on the Jaegarbombs.
548
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,080
Keep your eyes peeled, Jim.
You remember what he looks like?
549
00:28:03,120 --> 00:28:05,320
Hey. A fucking memory of a fox, me.
550
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:07,200
Do foxes have good memories?
551
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,680
Well, if they haven't,
why would I have said it?
552
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:21,160
Oh, right. Yes. Yes!
553
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,680
Prost!
554
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,720
What the fuck's going on here?
555
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,720
What's going on, pal?
556
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:31,480
Es ist ein Drink-Walk-Wettbewerb.
557
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,080
Sprechen Sie English?
Nein!
558
00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:37,520
You don't speak fucking English?
559
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,840
He's a rude man.
Him? Oh, yeah, he's fucking awful.
560
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,320
Yeah, yeah, yeah, well spotted.
Erm, sorry,
561
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:44,120
what the fuck is going on here?
562
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:46,120
It is a famous
drink-walk competition.
563
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,200
Everyone has put in five euro
and the winner gets to keep
the pot of money.
564
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:51,160
Eh, what, cash prize?
565
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,200
Fuck it, I'm getting involved.
Hm?
566
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,440
What? No, no, Jim, Jim, no!
WEBVTT
X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0
567
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,360
Ah, fucking hell.
568
00:29:06,400 --> 00:29:08,400
Stale.
569
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:11,760
I couldn't get away.
I know, I saw.
570
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,400
You took granddad's car.
Yeah. He hasn't noticed, has he?
571
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,440
No, he went to bed, but he won't
be happy if he finds out.
572
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,280
A drink-slash-walk competition.
How fantastic.
573
00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:26,840
Fucking have it.
574
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,120
Yes, Jim!
Twat.
575
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,880
There's the man.
What? Jacket man?
576
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,320
Yeah. It's definitely him.
It is him and all, yeah!
577
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,680
Right, we've got him. He's trapped.
578
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,520
Los!
579
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,800
Ah, we've got you now, you cunt.
580
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,400
Wow. Oh!
581
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:55,480
Hey! Ja!
582
00:29:57,320 --> 00:29:59,520
Oh!
583
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,040
OK. OK.
584
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:11,360
Ya-hey! Fucking hell!
585
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:16,200
Ja!
586
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,600
Genau! Schneller!
Yes, Jim!
587
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:21,280
Ja!
588
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,160
Fuck off! One nil to me, pal.
589
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,000
Scheisse!
Fuck off!
590
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:26,880
Dickhead!
591
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:29,080
Fuckin' hell.
592
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:34,800
Shit, he's gone!What?
Fuckin' bomber jacket's gone!
593
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,400
He's given us the fucking slip!
Jesus Christ.
594
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,160
Right. Got you now.
595
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:50,200
Oh, fucking hell.
596
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,760
No, no, no, no, no, no! It's locked!
597
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:56,120
It's fucking locked!
No, there's a door release button.
598
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:57,600
Oh, right, yeah.
599
00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,440
It's the back car park.
600
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,680
Oh, there!
It's me fucking hire car!
601
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,960
He's leaving.Not if we fucking
block the way, he's not!
602
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:22,800
Checkmate.
603
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,480
Why's he just staring at us?
604
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:35,200
No, no, no, no, no!
605
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,240
Grandad's car!
606
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:39,960
Me fucking hire car!
Why won't it fucking move?!
607
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,680
Would you like
to take the insurance?
608
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,840
No, no, no, no! Not again!
609
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:47,600
Agh!
610
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:51,320
Four days in Dusseldorf.
What's the worst that could happen?
611
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,720
I have an idea.
What? No, no, no, no!
612
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,040
Fucking hell!
613
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:01,160
Psychobilly Freakout #
614
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:16,040
Ooh, that's not good.
615
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,360
Oh, he's alive. Thank God.
616
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,600
Mate? No. Right, tell you what.
617
00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:28,680
I'm having that.
618
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,880
Deutschland! Like father, like son.
619
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:32,920
Right, you check the boot.
620
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:38,360
Nothing back here.
Oh, jackpot!
621
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,720
His mobile telephone.
622
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,800
Let's get this cunt into our car.
623
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,320
Are we taking him to the hospital?
No, are we fuck.
624
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,720
No, this bastard's a bargaining chip.
625
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,680
Is it chip or is it chit?
Dad, I don't like this.
626
00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:53,200
I-I think I might be
out of my depth.
627
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:56,640
I can't take a man hostage.
Look, love, you're only a hostage
628
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:58,840
if you're being held
against your will.
629
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:00,960
And he's gagging to come with us,
aren't you, mate?
630
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,600
Get me the fuck out of here!
631
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,080
They're all fucking psychos!
632
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:11,840
There we go. How do you like that,
you great German shit?
633
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,800
Right, here is the plan.
634
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,000
We bell Boseman up off laddo's phone,
Boseman's gonna pick up the phone,
635
00:33:19,040 --> 00:33:21,560
cos he thinks it's one of his guys,
and we're gonna say to him,
636
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,960
or rather you're gonna say to him
because you speak German,
637
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,200
"You're not getting your lad back
until we get
638
00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:30,080
our passports, B: our luggage
639
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,840
and C: the fucking gear
that he stole from us!"
640
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:34,680
Yar!
I can't do that.
641
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,560
What? No, no, darling.
642
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,920
If we don't get our passports back,
we can't go home.
643
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,560
As much as you might be the nation
who invented socks and sandals,
644
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,120
you do not deserve
a crusty old racist farmer.
645
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,040
Fine! Give me the telephone.
646
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,480
Yeah.
But I want to do it my way.
647
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,320
With politeness.
Good for you.
648
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:52,880
Good lad. Nice.
Politeness?
649
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:54,880
Are you fucking sure he's your kid?
650
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,320
Says the man with the super
smart lesbian daughter.
651
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,000
Lesbian? As in...?
652
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:01,800
She's a fucking lesbian.
653
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,040
She sleeps with women.
What do you think I'm...
654
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:06,520
Oh, my God, did you not know that?!
You're saying that my Ally
655
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,280
is a fucking doughnut bumper?
Jim, honestly,
656
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:12,080
as much as it might be difficult for
you to get your head round the fact
657
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:14,680
you have spawned a homosexual,
maybe you should be grateful.
658
00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:16,520
Cos she's a lovely
young woman, in't she?
659
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,120
This is her fucking mother, this.
I told her not to introduce her
660
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:21,600
to fucking hockey!
All them young girls,
661
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,440
short skirts,
big wooden fucking sticks!
662
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,800
I worry about your world view.
I really do, Jim.
663
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:29,520
Hey, look. There's a place here,
half a mile away.
664
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,720
Look, it says catering
for "all erotic desires."
665
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,360
Jesus Christ, Jim. If you mention
bukkake one more fucking time!
666
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:38,200
You fucking promised you'd help me.
667
00:34:38,240 --> 00:34:40,080
No, no, no, no.
Factually inaccurate that.
668
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,880
What I seem to recall happening,
is you following me
669
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:46,280
to a foreign nation,
like a fucking sex dementor.
670
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,200
What did he say, love?
671
00:34:48,240 --> 00:34:51,040
He said you can keep him.
672
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:53,200
What?
The man in the back.
673
00:34:53,240 --> 00:34:55,600
He said, "I don't care. Keep him."
674
00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:01,680
Fucking hell!
675
00:35:01,720 --> 00:35:04,440
Fucking... Argh! Fuck you, Germany!
676
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,640
Halle-fucking-lujah.
677
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,720
Fill your boots!
Actually, don't fill your boots.
678
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:16,080
Wish I'd not said that.
It's a horrible image.
679
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:19,600
Grandad isn't going to be
very happy about the car.
680
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:22,080
Oh, that's a fucking understatement.
But to be honest, love,
681
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,440
I reckon your grandad's opinion of me
wasn't that high to begin with.
682
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,800
What makes you say that?
Hmm?
683
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:30,880
Oh, call it a hunch.
684
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,400
And your mum, fucking hell.
She were a bit, err... cool.
685
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,040
Frosty, ice cold, you know?
686
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,920
Mum is the sort of person who keeps
her emotions inside herself.Hmm.
687
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:45,280
She will have been nervous
about seeing you again, I think.
688
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,760
I suppose I'm just
a stranger to her, aren't I?
689
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,880
I'm just, err, someone she had a
youthful fling with many moons ago.
690
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,800
Nothing more, nothing less.
Is what it is, sweetheart.
691
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:59,120
Is it just me or does it seem very
much like those two men over there
692
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,880
are heading this way
with rather large sledgehammers?
693
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:08,120
They are definitely coming
in this direction.
694
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,800
I mean, no one knows we're here.
695
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,320
No one's followed us.
So they can't be here for...
696
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,480
..us.
697
00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:20,880
Release Lukas.
698
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,360
How the fuck do they know he's here?!
Release him now.
699
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,560
Dad, this is scary.
No, no, no, sweetheart.
700
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,240
They're trying to frighten us,
aren't they? Er, I'll handle this.
701
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,760
Um, Guten Abend!
702
00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,600
Guten Abend.
Er, ja.
703
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:35,440
Er, den sledgehammer...
704
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,360
How do you say,
"Put down the sledgehammer?"
705
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:41,200
Den Vorschlaghammer niederlegen.
706
00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:44,680
Just speak English. Your German
is worse than a three-year-old.
707
00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:47,680
Listen, right,
I've told Boseman we'll release him
708
00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:50,160
when we get our passports
and the gear you stole!
709
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:52,640
Now, or we fuck up your car more.
710
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,960
It's not my car,
it's my son's grandad's, so...
711
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:58,440
Your son's grandad? So not your
father, but your wife's father?
712
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,720
No, she's not my wife,
actually, either.
713
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,000
In fact, I barely even know her.
We had a brief sexual encounter
714
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,600
two decades ago.
And you didn't use protection?
715
00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,480
Fucking hell.
How did you find us?
716
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:10,680
Find My Phone app.
717
00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:12,800
Fucking hell!
Of course. Everyone has this.
718
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,600
Ugh.
No, right, listen. Listen, right?
719
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:19,040
We had a fair deal, hmm?
And Boseman shafted us
720
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:22,360
right up the arsehole!
And-And this dickhead in the back,
721
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,280
he's written off me hire car.
Didn't take the insurance?
722
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,400
No, I did not!
723
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,480
Look, I am going to count to three,
724
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,600
and then you release Lukas.
725
00:37:31,640 --> 00:37:34,160
You'll do as you fucking like, love.
We're not giving him back,
726
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,920
until we get what's rightfully ours.
Eins.
727
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:39,040
We have to let him go.
They're bluffing.
728
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,640
Zwei.
I don't think they're bluffing.
729
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,680
Course they are!
In front of the car, aren't they?
730
00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:44,840
I'll run 'em over.
Don't run them over.
731
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:46,520
Drei.
732
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,880
See, what did I say? Bluffing.
733
00:37:52,040 --> 00:37:54,200
Fucking...
734
00:37:54,240 --> 00:37:56,560
Start the car, drive away!
735
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:58,920
Where's Jim?!
They're gonna kill us!
736
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,400
Don't do that. Do not do that!
737
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,840
No, fuck off! Argh!
738
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:06,040
Oh, fucking hell!
739
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:07,960
No, no, no. Don't you... Fucking no.
740
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:10,320
He's opening the doors!
No, he's not.
741
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:13,240
Fuck! He's got me!
742
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,720
Open the fucking car door or
we slash your granddaddy's tyres!
743
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,920
Agh! No, no!
744
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,680
No! No!
745
00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:27,520
That's enough!
746
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:30,000
Step away from the fucking vehicle!
747
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:32,200
Yeah! Fucking hell.
748
00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:35,440
Unlock the door!
Come on, Jim.
749
00:38:43,240 --> 00:38:45,560
What if they follow us?
Oh, throw the phone out the window.
750
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,680
Throw the phone out the window!
Or I could turn off Find My Phone.
751
00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:50,400
Yeah, yeah, no, do that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
752
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:52,800
Thank you for saving us.
Did you do the deed? Eh?
753
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,800
The deed, have you done the deed?
Is the deed done?
No, it fucking isn't!
754
00:38:55,840 --> 00:38:57,600
And what you doing with him
in the back?
755
00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:59,720
We can't take him back
to my grandparents house.
756
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:01,520
Explaining the car is
going to be bad enough
757
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,680
without a hostage in the boot.
He's not a hostage!
758
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:05,720
He's free to go at any time.
759
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,320
Well, Uncle J took a shine to you,
told me in the kitchen.
760
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:13,400
Said you were a keeper.
761
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:15,440
Yeah, bet he did.
762
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:17,720
Fuck off.
763
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,840
And he said he'd get us some work.
764
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:21,880
Yeah, what kind of work?
765
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:24,800
Dunno, like...
766
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,200
I dunno, but we can trust him.
It'll be good.
767
00:39:27,240 --> 00:39:29,760
Mm.
Now then,
768
00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:31,800
admit it.
769
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,280
How sexy did you find
me robbing that shop?
770
00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,960
Come on.
771
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:40,560
You know you did.
Did not.
772
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,480
You did.
Did not.
773
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:44,520
You loved it.
774
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:46,560
Someday #
775
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:51,960
Davey?
776
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:54,120
Liz says you're up here.
Is that right?
777
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,480
Davey?
778
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:09,480
Davey, love?
779
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,000
I've told you,
the name's Alfred Barnard.
780
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:15,520
Jesus fucking Christ.
Of course you're stood right there.
781
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:17,440
Bloody terrifying. Stop!
782
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,600
Stop being Alfred Barnyard
for a minute. I know it's you.
783
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:22,920
Oi. Liz has told me
784
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,320
that you've demanded
to move in here a little bit.
785
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:28,000
Demanded?
Why are you still doing the voice?!
786
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:32,000
Listen, she told me that you're
like a crazy woman in an attic.
787
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,320
Are you listening?
The only time she ever sees you
788
00:40:34,360 --> 00:40:37,120
is when you want sustenance,
and to the best of her knowledge,
789
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:40,560
you been in this fucking room for
three bloody weeks. Is that true?
790
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,240
She likes to talk,
doesn't she, Miss Jones?
791
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,120
Yeah, but listen,
I'm worried about you, Davey.
792
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,960
I've stayed in the Crow's Nest
before, it fucking sucks!
793
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,960
Did you know that that television
console has only got Freeview.
794
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,000
Right.
I've spent my days
795
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,560
watching re-runs
of A Place in The Sun.
796
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,520
Ooh.One couple wanted
to sell their house in Burnley
797
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,720
and relocate to Fuerteventura.
798
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,480
Imagine the idiocy.
799
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:07,840
What's going on?
What the fuck's happened?
800
00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:12,440
Somebody made it abundantly clear
801
00:41:12,480 --> 00:41:15,400
that they wanted me dead.
802
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:19,960
I can smell your balls from here.
803
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,480
I'm sorry, dude.
You haven't been showering.
804
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:25,080
I had a flannel wash this morning,
thank you very much.
805
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:28,000
Come on. We're going for a drive
and you can tell me what's gone on.
806
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,760
Donna had scurried off
back to Liverpool
807
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,000
with her tail between her legs,
808
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,200
and I was feeling
very proud of myself.
809
00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:42,440
McCann dead,
810
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:45,080
me in Manolito's mansion
811
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:46,880
ruling the roost.
812
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:49,440
I was the king of the fucking world.
813
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,880
And then one night...
814
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:56,320
..I woke up
and I could feel something wet
815
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:58,640
in the bed alongside me.
And I was thinking,
816
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,960
"What on earth can that be?
817
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:04,600
I'm alone in bed.
What could be wet down there?"
818
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:07,360
Well, fucking 'ell, what was it?
819
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,320
You've seen the Godfather,
I assume, with the horse's head?
820
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:13,600
You're jokin'. Wasn't a fuckin'...
Was it that?No.
821
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,240
Worse.
822
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,600
Your Donna?
No!
823
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:21,800
I wouldn't give a shit about that.
824
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:23,520
No. It was...
825
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,800
Ooh! Oh, fuck me, the exotic zoo!
826
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:35,720
Yes, correct, Vincent.
Shit.
827
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:39,360
There was a note, telling me
if I didn't leave that evening,
828
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:42,040
then it would be my head
in my mother's bed.
829
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,960
Shit.
Shit indeed, sweetheart.
830
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,480
And I'm not ashamed to say it,
it shook me.
831
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:51,000
Do you know who it was?
832
00:42:51,040 --> 00:42:53,400
Was that cross-dressing cunt,
Kittens.
833
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:56,360
Ah.
Revenge for McCann.
834
00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,880
And why did I get
McCann killed, hmm?
835
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:02,440
For you. To help you.
836
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:05,560
And now look.
Comes back to haunt me.
837
00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,840
Well, I mean, it suited you
down to the fucking ground,
838
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:09,760
didn't it and all? Him being dead.
Shhh.
839
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:13,840
What's that?
840
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:18,160
That's Demis Roussos.
Who the fuck's that?
841
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,480
Demis Roussos.
It's my mother's favourite.
842
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:23,480
Who the fuck did you tell
we were here?
843
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,120
I haven't told anyone we're up here,
you fucking nutcase.
844
00:43:26,160 --> 00:43:28,040
Calm down.
Jesus, what's wrong with ya?
845
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,760
This is how it ends.
On a cold, lonely road!
846
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,160
With you by my side.
847
00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,280
Quick! We better run!
It's a man on his way home.
848
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,800
It's just a random dickhead.
Run now, Vincent! Vincent, quick!
849
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:55,720
Hans, get inside.
850
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:01,640
And you, in!
851
00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:06,240
Where have you been?
852
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:09,280
Er, that is a...
853
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:11,440
very long story.
854
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:13,600
Leading my boy astray?
855
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:15,640
What are you doing here, Tommo?
856
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:17,880
Why did you come here?
857
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:20,880
I sometimes wish
he had never found you.
858
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:23,120
He should have left
the past in the past.
859
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,840
You'd like that, wouldn't you?
860
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:28,800
Pretend I don't exist?
861
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:33,360
It's alright, love. He, erm...
862
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,560
Your dad... Your dad let
the cat out of the bag.
863
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:38,200
Why you didn't want
to let me know that I had a son.
864
00:44:38,240 --> 00:44:40,720
He, er... yeah.
865
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:42,760
What did he say?
866
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:45,920
He said, erm...
867
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,920
Do you know, right, when...
when you're me, right,
868
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:55,720
when... when you grew up
like I grew up...
869
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,920
shit parents, bounced around
from care home to care home,
870
00:44:58,960 --> 00:45:01,720
people have a certain way
of looking at you.
871
00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:05,680
They don't have high hopes for you.
872
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:08,120
And, erm...
873
00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,360
you know, you go to school
and careers and all that,
874
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,680
and they do the same thing.
And they... You got the best
875
00:45:12,720 --> 00:45:15,560
condescending pat on the back,
but they tell you basically,
876
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:17,640
"You are fucking nothing.
You're nothing.
877
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,760
And yeah, you're always
gonna be nothing."
878
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,160
Right? And so you have
to just sort of either...
879
00:45:22,200 --> 00:45:24,680
fall in line without thinking,
880
00:45:24,720 --> 00:45:27,760
or, like, fight back, you know.
881
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:29,960
Fight to...
882
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:33,080
prove yourself,
to prove those dickheads wrong.
883
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,720
But it fo... it follows you,
884
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:37,520
erm, and...
885
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,480
and, you know,
people looking down on you
886
00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:42,320
and thinking that you're nothing,
you're worthless and you're shit,
887
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,520
follows you around.
888
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:46,600
I've fucking tried, man.
889
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,920
I have fought really hard,
right, to...
890
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:52,440
And I'll keep fighting now for him,
891
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:55,040
for my lad, and for...
892
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:56,960
Just to prove to your dad,
893
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,960
and the fucking 16-year-old you
894
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,880
that I'm not shit actually,
895
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,360
and that I can make
something of my life.
896
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:10,440
Hey.
897
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:13,840
I didn't tell you
I was pregnant because...
898
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,400
I was scared you'd reject me.
899
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,040
I felt like I loved you
900
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:26,160
and I wanted to have
your child, but...
901
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:29,760
..I was scared you'd tell me
to get rid of it.
902
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:35,960
I thought about you so much
over the years,
903
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,520
and I did want to tell you, but...
904
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,160
..weeks turned to months and...
905
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:47,360
I'm glad you...
I'm glad you didn't get rid of him,
906
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,960
because he is the best thing
in my whole life.
907
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,120
Sorry, fucking hell.
908
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:57,560
And you, you've done a fantastic job.
909
00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,680
You really have.
910
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,560
I'm sorry for all this mad shit
that I've fucking got him into now!
911
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:05,600
You are both back safe, and...
912
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:08,960
..apart from the state
of my father's car,
913
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,440
hopefully it's all done
and dealt with now.
914
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:15,520
It is. Yeah, it is.
915
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,440
Except for the fella
tied up in the boot.
916
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:22,680
Was Machst Du Dann #
917
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:40,560
I'm sure you have done worse.
918
00:47:40,600 --> 00:47:43,000
I hope your car insurance
fucks you and your shit car,
919
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:45,080
you damned arseholes!
920
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,480
Fucking hell.
921
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:58,120
Joy riders, innit?
922
00:47:58,160 --> 00:48:00,160
Fucking joy riders.
923
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:05,440
We'll say we went for an early walk,
924
00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:07,720
and when we came back,
925
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,600
Daddy's car was gone.
926
00:48:09,640 --> 00:48:12,480
Must have been stolen in the night.
927
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:15,800
Veronica, you are a fucking angel.
928
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:19,960
An angel in woman form. And, er,
speaking of which, I, er...
929
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,680
I hear that your father
is an angel investor.
930
00:48:22,720 --> 00:48:25,360
I was wondering if, you know,
maybe if I get in my briefs again,
931
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:29,000
if you might be able to facilitate
a business discussion.
932
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,120
Let's see what we can do.
933
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,200
Oh!
934
00:48:44,240 --> 00:48:47,320
Good morning!
Oh, good morning, Gitta.
935
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:50,560
Just recovering from last night.
Fucking hell.
936
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:52,360
Oh!
937
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:56,040
How would you like to start
the day off in the sauna?
938
00:48:56,080 --> 00:48:58,240
Oh, no.
Not sure about that.
939
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:01,800
I think you'll find it invigorating.
940
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,840
Come on.
941
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:06,120
Err, OK.
942
00:49:09,720 --> 00:49:12,000
We heard what you said.
943
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:14,000
What you are looking for.
944
00:49:14,040 --> 00:49:16,920
Maschin #
945
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:20,400
We are very open-minded people.
946
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:22,440
Sexually.
947
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,680
F-Fuck's sake.
948
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:37,960
I negotiated with Boseman.
He now has membership to my club.
949
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:41,480
Mila, you are an absolute
fucking superstar.
950
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:44,480
State of this car though, eh?
Christ.
951
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:47,160
You took the insurance?
952
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,960
So Much Trouble In My Mind #
953
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,080
What do you mean, go back to school?
It's a school reunion.
954
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:56,680
Let's get smashed!
955
00:49:56,720 --> 00:49:58,480
Meet me in the science lab.
Ooh!
956
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:02,000
That body was destined to be in
a leotard, on a stage, Ashley.
957
00:50:02,040 --> 00:50:04,680
You look like you wanna hit me.
Fuck off!
958
00:50:04,720 --> 00:50:08,200
I was bullied here too. I could
get TJ and you could get mine.
959
00:50:08,240 --> 00:50:10,720
I think our Ronnie is about
to do something really stupid.
960
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,400
What the fuck?
961
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,000
# I got so much trouble in my mind
962
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:24,040
# I got so much trouble in my mind
963
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:28,920
# I got so much trouble in my mind
964
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,280
# I got so much trouble in my mind
965
00:50:33,720 --> 00:50:36,400
# Give me the strength to carry on
966
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:40,960
# Give me the strength
to carry on... #
967
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:44,440
Subtitles by Sky Access Services
www.skyaccessibility.sky
73943
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof