All language subtitles for The Big C (2010) S03E05 Face Off

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,907 --> 00:00:09,041 PREVIOUSLY ON 2 00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,976 JOY KLEINMAN, 3 00:00:10,977 --> 00:00:13,879 LIFE COACH, CANCER SURVIVOR, AND JOYOLOGIST. 4 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,215 - YOUR BLOG IS INSPIRATIONAL. - THANK YOU. 5 00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:18,717 PAUL JAMISON... HOW 'BOUT COMING UP HERE 6 00:00:18,718 --> 00:00:20,085 AND SHARING YOUR STORY WITH US? 7 00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:22,154 I WAS DEAD FOR THREE MINUTES. THERE WAS THIS LIGHT. 8 00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:23,922 I THINK IT'S ALL AROUND US. 9 00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:26,825 THE NEXT TIME, YOU GET PAID FOR THAT GOLD. 10 00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:28,360 I'M RUNNING A GAY PHONE SEX BUSINESS. 11 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:29,361 HUH. 12 00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:30,763 - I'M JESSIE. - ADAM. 13 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:33,699 MY PARENTS JUST TOLD ME THEY WANT TO ADOPT A BABY, 14 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,534 WHICH IS, LIKE, TOTALLY INSANE. 15 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,836 HAVING FAITH MEANS GOD'S WATCHING OUT FOR YOU. 16 00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,539 APPARENTLY NOBODY WANTS TO GIVE A KID TO THE CANCER LADY. 17 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,808 IF YOU REALLY WANT SOMETHING, YOU DON'T ASK FOR IT. 18 00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:43,876 YOU DEMAND IT. 19 00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,010 DID YOU GO ON MY BLOG LAST NIGHT 20 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:46,178 AND POST ABOUT HOW WE WANTED A BABY? 21 00:00:46,179 --> 00:00:48,013 - I DID. - WELL, THIS GUY JUST WROTE ME, 22 00:00:48,014 --> 00:00:49,214 AND HIS WIFE'S PREGNANT. 23 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:50,749 OH, THEY WANT-- THEY WANT TO MEET US! 24 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:53,787 THEY-- 25 00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:05,998 ♪ IT'S SO HARD ♪ 26 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:10,970 ♪ TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER ♪ 27 00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:14,706 ♪ STEP OUT ♪ 28 00:01:14,707 --> 00:01:19,446 ♪ OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ♪ 29 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:25,250 ♪ IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE? ♪ 30 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:30,055 ♪ WILL SOMEONE WAKE ME UP SOON? ♪ 31 00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:35,427 ♪ AND TELL ME THIS WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAY ♪ 32 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:40,600 ♪ CALLED LIFE ♪ 33 00:01:43,002 --> 00:01:45,571 SOME PREGNANT WOMEN CRAVE PICKLES. 34 00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:47,940 I JUST AM GUZZLING WATER. 35 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:50,609 IT'S LIKE I'M CREATING A SPONGE BABY. 36 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:53,912 CATHY JUST GOT INCREDIBLY GASSY HER THIRD TRIMESTER. 37 00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:55,314 REMEMBER THAT, HONEY? 38 00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,784 HUMAN HINDENBURG, BUT I LOVED BEING PREGNANT. 39 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,619 UNLIKE MOST THINGS THAT INVOLVE DISCOMFORT, 40 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:04,523 YOU ACTUALLY--YOU END UP WITH SOMETHING YOU WANT. 41 00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:07,826 I'M SORRY. THAT WAS INSENSITIVE. 42 00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:09,294 IT'S FINE, REALLY. 43 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,530 WE'RE--WE'RE FINE ABOUT GIVING UP THE BABY. 44 00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:13,832 SOME WOMEN ALWAYS KNOW THAT THEY WANT TO HAVE KIDS, 45 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,968 AND I ALWAYS KNEW THAT I DIDN'T. 46 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,403 YEAH, SAME, AND IF ANYTHING, 47 00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:19,872 THE PREGNANCY REALLY CONFIRMED THAT FOR US. 48 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,674 YEAH. ALSO TAUGHT US NOT TO USE CHEAP CONDOMS. 49 00:02:22,675 --> 00:02:24,409 YOU CAN PUT THAT IN YOUR BLOG. 50 00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:25,911 YOU KNOW, I THINK I MIGHT. 51 00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:27,146 I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, PAUL, 52 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,081 WE THINK YOUR BLOG IS REALLY COOL. 53 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,683 I MEAN, IT'S JUST, LIKE, YOU ON A COMPUTER SCREEN, 54 00:02:31,684 --> 00:02:33,519 LIKE, THE WAY YOU PUT YOUR WHOLE LIFE OUT THERE. 55 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:34,653 - MM-HMM. - THANK YOU. 56 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,088 YOU KNOW, I-I DON'T KNOW. 57 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:38,490 I GUESS I JUST WRITE WITH WHAT'S LEFT OF MY HEART. 58 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,260 WELL, IT MAKES YOU ALL REALLY FAMILIAR. 59 00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:42,694 I MEAN, THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE CANCER AND... 60 00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:46,498 YEAH... WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT? 61 00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:48,600 MY MOM HAD CANCER WHEN I WAS A KID, 62 00:02:48,601 --> 00:02:51,403 AND I JUST HATED HOW PEOPLE WROTE HER OFF. 63 00:02:51,404 --> 00:02:52,504 SHE'S STILL HERE. 64 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,540 WELL, SHE'S NOT HERE, 65 00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:57,476 SHE'S IN ARIZONA-- OR ON THE PHONE, 66 00:02:57,477 --> 00:03:00,345 GENTLY SUGGESTING HOW WE SHOULD LIVE OUR LIVES. 67 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,815 UM, BUT... 68 00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,450 WELL, WE SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING. 69 00:03:05,451 --> 00:03:06,718 OKAY. 70 00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,820 WE'VE BEEN IN TOWN FOR A FEW DAYS... 71 00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:11,423 MEETING WITH ANOTHER COUPLE WE'RE JUST CONSIDERING 72 00:03:11,424 --> 00:03:14,092 AS ADOPTIVE PARENTS. 73 00:03:14,093 --> 00:03:16,028 THAT'S...MAKES SENSE. 74 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,196 - I GET THAT. - YEAH. 75 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:20,199 THAT YOU'D...BE TALKING TO SOMEONE ELSE. 76 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,067 YEAH, YEAH, HE'S AN ENGINEER, SHE'S IN P.R. 77 00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:23,735 THEY'RE KIND OF YOUNG. LIKE...WHAT? 78 00:03:23,736 --> 00:03:24,803 EARLY 30s. 79 00:03:24,804 --> 00:03:27,472 YEAH. BUT THEY HAVE NO KIDS, 80 00:03:27,473 --> 00:03:28,874 AND WE LIKE THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A KID. 81 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,209 I MEAN, YOU'VE HAD PRACTICE. 82 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,811 OH, BOY, HAVE WE HAD PRACTICE. 83 00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,780 HERE'S OUR PRACTICE KID. - MM-HMM. 84 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:36,148 - OH. - WOW. 85 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,916 HE LOOKS LIKE A TOTAL JOCK. 86 00:03:37,917 --> 00:03:39,585 OH, ABSOLUTELY, HE'S VERY ATHLETIC. 87 00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:41,386 - OH, MAN, SOCCER, SOCCER. - SOCCER WAS FALL, PAUL. 88 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,021 - AND HOCKEY, HOCKEY. - AND NOW IT'S-- 89 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:44,590 - NOW IT'S HOCKEY. - NOW IT'S HOCKEY. 90 00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,258 WE'D LIKE TO MEET HIM 91 00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,827 BEFORE WE GO BACK HOME, IF YOU GUYS AREN'T TOO BUSY. 92 00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:52,097 NO, NO, NO, TOMORROW NIGHT? 93 00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:54,866 - YEAH. - 6:00? 94 00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:56,268 THEY'RE TALKING TO A YOUNGER COUPLE? 95 00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:58,170 WHAT KIND OF A BOMB IS THAT TO DROP? 96 00:03:58,171 --> 00:04:00,138 HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH "YOUNGER"? 97 00:04:00,139 --> 00:04:01,506 WELL, WE'RE GONNA KILL 'EM 98 00:04:01,507 --> 00:04:03,275 IN THE BRAINS AND TALENT COMPETITION, FIRST OF ALL. 99 00:04:03,276 --> 00:04:05,444 - SERIOUSLY, PAUL. - SERIOUSLY? 100 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,279 WE'RE GOING TO PLAY THE PARENT CARD. 101 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,114 ADAM IS OUR ACE IN THE HOLE, HONEY. 102 00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,415 THAT IS HOW WE'RE GOING TO VANQUISH 103 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,750 THIS YOUNGER, CHILDLESS COUPLE. 104 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,518 SCREW 'EM. - YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT. 105 00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:15,587 IF WE CAN JUST GET HIM INVOLVED IN ALL THIS, 106 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,689 THEN DAVE AND MAXINE, THEY WILL MEET HIM. 107 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,691 THEY WILL SEE WHAT GREAT PARENTS WE ARE. 108 00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,059 NINE DAYS OUT OF TEN. 109 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,728 BUT I'M GONNA NEED YOUR HELP DEEP-CLEANING THE HOUSE. 110 00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:25,163 IT WOULD BE NICE IF IT SMELLED A LITTLE LESS LIKE SOCKS. 111 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:28,367 HONEY, I AM ALL ABOUT HELPING, BUT I HAVE TO REHEARSE. 112 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,102 I'M OPENING FOR JOY TOMORROW NIGHT, REMEMBER? 113 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,570 MY FIRST OFFICIAL GIG. 114 00:04:31,571 --> 00:04:33,338 MY NAME'S ON THE WEBSITE AND EVERYTHING. 115 00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:35,741 TRAFFIC ON THE BLOG IS GOING THROUGH THE FRICKIN' ROOF. 116 00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,542 THAT CHICK IS A RAINMAKER, I'M TELLING YOU. 117 00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:39,478 THAT IS GREAT, PAUL, 118 00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,513 BUT THIS ADOPTION JUST TURNED INTO A CONTEST, 119 00:04:41,514 --> 00:04:43,516 AND WE ARE IN IT TO WIN IT. 120 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,191 MAYBE ONE DAY YOU'LL ACTUALLY WAIT 121 00:04:53,192 --> 00:04:56,161 TILL I SAY "COME IN" BEFORE YOU COME IN. 122 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,798 SOUNDS LIKE FUN. WHAT IS IT? 123 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,401 IT'S LIKE A CAR RACE PLUS KILLING ZOMBIES. 124 00:05:02,402 --> 00:05:05,404 AH, WELL, AFTER YOU'RE FINISHED KILLING ZOMBIES, 125 00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,205 HOW'D YOU LIKE TO KILL SOME DUST IN HERE? 126 00:05:07,206 --> 00:05:09,207 JUST SWIFFER SOME SURFACES, 127 00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:12,377 AND MAKE SURE YOU'RE CLEANED UP AND HOME BY 6:00. 128 00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:13,578 THE COUPLE WHO'S GIVING US THEIR BABY, 129 00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:14,880 THEY'RE COMING FOR A VISIT. 130 00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:17,449 WHY? 131 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:20,052 TO MEET YOU. 132 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,054 SINCE YOU'RE THE ONLY EXAMPLE OF OUR PARENTING SKILLS. 133 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,055 THEY'LL LOVE YOU, 134 00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,723 AND ALSO FEEL FREE TO INVITE MIA. 135 00:05:24,724 --> 00:05:27,392 THEY'LL LOVE HER TOO. - YEAH, UH... 136 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:31,430 WE BROKE UP. - YOU DID? WH-- 137 00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,799 WHY DON'T I KNOW THIS? I SHOULD KNOW THIS. 138 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:38,270 I-IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO ASK ME ABOUT THE ADOPTION? 139 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,971 YOU KNOW, BEFORE YOU MEET DAVE AND MAXINE-- 140 00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:41,973 MOM, IF YOU REALLY CARED WHAT I THOUGHT, YOU WOULD HAVE 141 00:05:41,974 --> 00:05:47,446 TALKED TO ME BEFORE YOU STARTED THIS WHOLE THING. 142 00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:50,449 OKAY, I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT, BUT I WANT YOU TO BE HONEST. 143 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:54,152 HOW ABOUT... "REACH FOR THE LIGHT?" 144 00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,455 NO? 145 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:58,123 OKAY, THIS IS A LITTLE CORNY, 146 00:05:58,124 --> 00:06:00,225 BUT SOMETIMES, WE NEED A LITTLE CHEESE TO BRING THEM IN. 147 00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:05,397 "HEAVEN SENT ME." 148 00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:07,632 LOOK, I'M NOT LOOKING FOR A STANDING O, ABABUO, 149 00:06:07,633 --> 00:06:09,368 BUT I CAN'T EVEN TELL IF YOU'RE FUCKING BREATHING OR NOT. 150 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:12,270 ARE YOU BREATHING? 151 00:06:12,271 --> 00:06:13,505 HEY. 152 00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:15,474 I'M NOT GOING TO BLOW SMOKE UP YOUR A-HOLE 153 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:17,075 AND TELL YOU THAT THESE LINES ARE GREAT. 154 00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:20,011 AS YOUR NEW PERSONAL ASSISTANT- SLASH-STYLE MAKER, 155 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:21,880 IT'S MY JOB TO HELP YOU FIND 156 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,015 THE IDEAL CATCHPHRASE FOR YOUR BRAND. 157 00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:25,917 WE JUST HAVEN'T FOUND IT YET. 158 00:06:25,918 --> 00:06:27,819 ABABUO, WE JUST HAVEN'T FOUND MY "WHERE'S THE BEEF?" YET, 159 00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,121 BUT WE WILL. 160 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,223 I DON'T KNOW WHAT BEEF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, 161 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,024 BUT IF YOU DON'T WALK OUT ON STAGE LOOKING GOOD, 162 00:06:33,025 --> 00:06:34,760 NO ONE'S GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYWAY. 163 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:37,496 STAND UP STRAIGHT. 164 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:40,465 NOW SUCK IN... 165 00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:43,668 FROM YOUR CHEST TO THE TOP OF YOUR BELT. 166 00:06:43,669 --> 00:06:44,836 DO IT. 167 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:46,104 I AM. 168 00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:48,874 OH, SHIT, DUDE. 169 00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,142 LOOK, IT'S ALL THIS BLOGGING, OKAY? 170 00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,843 IT'S VERY SEDENTARY ACTIVITY. 171 00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:53,245 I MIGHT HAVE PUT ON A FEW POUNDS. 172 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,946 I'M NOT FEELING THAT GREAT ABOUT MY SILHOUETTE RIGHT NOW, 173 00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:57,983 SO CAN WE JUST, YOU KNOW, STICK TO THE TASK AT HAND? 174 00:06:57,984 --> 00:06:59,818 OH, HEY, MRS. J. 175 00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,921 I'M SORRY ABOUT THOSE BABY PARENTS GOING ALL AGEIST ON YOU. 176 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,357 IT'S NOT FAIR TO COMPARE YOU TO SOME YOUNGER MAMA. 177 00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:08,193 I MEAN, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT BLONDE LADIES DON'T AGE WELL. 178 00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,529 GOOD TO KNOW. 179 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:14,065 PAUL, HOW DONE IS THAT TO-DO LIST I GAVE YOU? 180 00:07:14,066 --> 00:07:16,001 INSIDE LIST IS DONE, AND I SWEAR TO GOD, 181 00:07:16,002 --> 00:07:17,702 THE OUTSIDE LIST WILL BE FINISHED BEFORE WE LEAVE, 182 00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:20,172 BUT HONEY, HOW'S THIS GRAB YOU? 183 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:24,943 "PAUL POWER." 184 00:07:24,944 --> 00:07:27,045 MEH. 185 00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:30,082 FUCK ME WITH A STICK. 186 00:07:58,311 --> 00:08:00,946 ARE THE INDEX CARDS ON STAGE? - CHECK. 187 00:08:00,947 --> 00:08:02,314 THE WATER-- THE WATER'S OUT THERE? 188 00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,415 CHECK. 189 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:07,319 T MINUS 15, FULL HOUSE. YOU READY, PAUL? 190 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,021 - HI, JOY. - OH, HE'S READY. 191 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,189 AND YOU ARE? 192 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:13,124 I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER INTRODUCED YOU 193 00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,427 TO MY WONDERFUL ASSISTANT, ABABUO. 194 00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:17,195 - OH, HI. - HI--UH? 195 00:08:18,564 --> 00:08:22,300 I LIKE YOUR STYLE. I ALSO READ YOUR BOOKS. 196 00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:23,835 KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING 197 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:25,537 AND YOU COULD BE THE WHITE OPRAH. 198 00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:27,239 OR AS I SAY, "OPRAH WHO?" 199 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,441 HA! 200 00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:30,475 SO...ANY NERVES? 201 00:08:30,476 --> 00:08:33,645 EH, A LITTLE EXCESS ADRENALINE. 202 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:37,516 REMEMBER THAT NERVOUSNESS IS EXCITEMENT TURNED INWARD. 203 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,517 YOU HAVE TO USE THAT. 204 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,019 AND BREATHE DEEPLY. KEEP BREATHING, 205 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:44,122 BECAUSE IT RELAXES THE BODY. DEEPAK TAUGHT ME THAT. 206 00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:46,091 ALL RIGHT, THEN... 207 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:49,261 ON STAGE IN TEN. - OH, FUCK. 208 00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,263 OH, AND ABABUO, WHY DON'T YOU GRAB ONE OF MY LIPSTICKS 209 00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:54,065 BEFORE YOU LEAVE? IT'LL REALLY MAKE YOUR EYES POP! 210 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,938 YOU SEE? I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE WANT TO SEE ON STAGE. 211 00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:04,009 PERSONALITY, CHARISMA... - EXPENSIVE EXTENSIONS. 212 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,344 YEAH, BUT WHAT IF I DON'T HAVE THAT? 213 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:09,447 LOOK, MR. J, I GOT YOU A SECRET WEAPON. 214 00:09:09,448 --> 00:09:11,149 IS THAT FOR THE BABY? THAT'S SO NICE. 215 00:09:11,150 --> 00:09:13,485 NO, IT'S FOR YOU. 216 00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:16,621 IT'S A COMPRESSION T-SHIRT. IT'S LIKE MAN SPANX-- 217 00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:19,024 GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU LOOK THINNER 218 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:23,162 AND PUT THE LEAN BACK IN YOUR MEAN. 219 00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:29,367 WHAT THE FUCK IS NEXT, A SPORTS BRA? 220 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:33,104 YES, KEVIN, YOU HAVE BEEN BAD. 221 00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:35,173 YOU'VE BEEN, UM... 222 00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:39,411 YOU'VE BEEN VERY BAD, YOU'VE--OOH, YOU HAVE BEEN BAD. 223 00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,080 BAD BOY, YEAH. YOU LIKE THAT, KEVIN? 224 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:44,549 WRONG ANSWER! 225 00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:47,419 UH, HERE'S YOUR ORDERS, KEVIN. I WANT YOU TO COME. 226 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,254 YES, NOW. 227 00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,290 COME, KEVIN, COME! 228 00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:53,291 WHOA. 229 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,394 OH, YEAH, AWESOME. 230 00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:57,796 HAVE A HOT DAY. 231 00:09:57,797 --> 00:09:59,664 WHAT IN THE NAME OF ROSACEA HAVE YOU DONE TO YOUR FACE? 232 00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:01,232 I KNOW, I KNOW. 233 00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,601 I WENT TO GET A FACIAL. 234 00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:05,236 THEY TALKED ME INTO A GLYCOLIC PEEL. 235 00:10:05,237 --> 00:10:06,938 THEY SAID IT WOULD MAKE ME LOOK FIVE YEARS YOUNGER 236 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,039 WITH NO SIDE EFFECTS, 237 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,574 BUT IT FEELS KIND OF HOT, THOUGH. 238 00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:12,043 OOH, GOD, I COULD ROAST MARSHMALLOWS OFF IT. 239 00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,779 THE COOPERS ARE TALKING TO ANOTHER COUPLE... 240 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,781 IN THEIR 30s. - OH, YEAH. 241 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,250 SOCIETY'S CRUEL INFATUATION WITH YOUTH. 242 00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:21,353 YOU CAN'T FIGHT IT, MY AGING SISTER. 243 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,188 BUT THERE IS A BABY AT STAKE 244 00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:26,324 WHO I KNOW WILL THRIVE IN THIS HOUSE AND HELP ME THRIVE 245 00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:28,760 IF DAVE AND MAXINE WILL JUST PICK US. 246 00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:31,529 SO WHAT'S NEXT, A FACELIFT? EYE JOB? 247 00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:34,666 YOU GONNA ADDRESS YOUR NECK WATTLE FOR GOOD MEASURE? 248 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:37,736 OKAY, I DON'T CARE IF THIS KID GROWS UP CALLING ME GRANDMA 249 00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:40,572 ONCE IT'S HERE, BUT TONIGHT IS ALL ABOUT WINNING, 250 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,774 WHICH IS GOING TO BE TRICKY WITH MY FACE LOOKING LIKE THIS 251 00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:45,377 AND THE KID I ALREADY HAVE BARELY TALKING TO ME. 252 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:46,911 DID YOU KNOW THAT ADAM BROKE UP WITH MIA? 253 00:10:46,912 --> 00:10:48,880 TOTALLY. HE TELLS ME EVERYTHING. 254 00:10:48,881 --> 00:10:52,951 - REALLY? - MM. 255 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,085 I NEED TO TALK TO HIM, 256 00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:55,420 AND HE NEEDS TO GET READY FOR TONIGHT. 257 00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:57,656 HE'S HOSTING HIS CHURCH GROUP CHEZ MY PLACE. 258 00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,291 IT IS CRAWLING WITH HOLY ROLLERS, 259 00:11:00,292 --> 00:11:02,260 WHICH IS WHY I HAVE TEMPORARILY MOVED 260 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,763 MY BASE OF OPERATIONS OVER HERE. 261 00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:06,831 WAIT, HE'S HOSTING THESE THINGS NOW? 262 00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,968 YUP, AND THERE'S SOME HOT CHICKS IN THAT GROUP TOO. 263 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:13,005 TURNS OUT GOD IS GOOD. 264 00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,076 YES, JESSIE GOT IT RIGHT. 265 00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:19,944 NAILED IT. 266 00:11:19,945 --> 00:11:21,613 FORGET THE OLD PERSPECTIVE, YOU KNOW? 267 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:25,684 SERIOUSLY, FROM NOW ON, HALF-EMPTY BECOMES HALF-FULL. 268 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,453 AND IT'S LIKE YOUR WHOLE WORLD CHANGES. 269 00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:30,855 IT STOPS SUCKING, AND YOU HAVE THE ENERGY 270 00:11:30,856 --> 00:11:33,858 TO ACTUALLY LEARN FROM GOD'S CHALLENGES, 271 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:34,859 INSTEAD OF FEELING-- 272 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,494 - HOSED? - YEAH. 273 00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,130 GOD DOES NOT WANT YOU TO FEEL HOSED, ADAM. 274 00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:42,634 WHOA. 275 00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,636 SORRY. 276 00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:48,540 I DIDN'T REALIZE THERE WAS A "PARTAY" GOING ON IN HERE. 277 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:52,343 I'M ADAM'S MOM FROM ACROSS THE STREET. 278 00:11:52,344 --> 00:11:54,979 I JUST CAME TO GET ADAM AND BRING HIM HOME, 279 00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:58,516 WHERE HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE, SO... HI, EVERYONE. 280 00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:00,652 HEY, MS. JAMISON. 281 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,353 I'M JESSIE... 282 00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:04,656 ADAM'S GIRLFRIEND. 283 00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,892 NICE TO MEET YOU, ADAM'S NEW GIRLFRIEND. 284 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:09,461 I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE, MS. JAMISON. 285 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,162 YEAH. 286 00:12:11,163 --> 00:12:12,664 WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE? 287 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,365 IT'S FINE. 288 00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:17,402 IT'S JUST...MY ATTEMPT TO LOOK GOOD FOR THE COOPERS. 289 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,636 REMEMBER THEM? 290 00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:20,905 THEY'RE GOING TO BE AT OUR HOUSE IN AN HOUR 291 00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:22,540 TO MEET YOU, SO YOU NEED TO COME WITH ME. 292 00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:25,677 HEY, I'M PASTOR RICK. 293 00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:29,347 GRAB A CHAIR, TAKE A LOAD OFF. 294 00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:30,715 I REALLY DON'T HAVE THE TIME. MAYBE ANOTHER TIME. 295 00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:33,118 WELL, YOU'D BE WELCOME. WE DO THIS EVERY WEEK. 296 00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:35,520 JUST CHECK IN WITH EACH OTHER, KICK BACK, 297 00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:37,922 ENJOY FELLOWSHIP AND SOME FOOD. 298 00:12:37,923 --> 00:12:39,891 A LITTLE SMALL TALK, A LITTLE SCRIPTURE. 299 00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:43,528 YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW VERY MUCH ABOUT SCRIPTURE. 300 00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:45,864 IS THERE ANYTHING ALONG THE LINES OF... 301 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:48,600 "THE SON WILL DO WHAT THE MOM ASKS, 302 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,368 SO AS NOT TO STRESS HER OUT EVEN MORE"? 303 00:12:50,369 --> 00:12:52,370 GOD, MOM, SERIOUSLY? 304 00:12:52,371 --> 00:12:57,342 YEAH, YEAH, I MEAN... I HEAR YOU, MRS. JAMISON, 305 00:12:57,343 --> 00:12:59,377 BUT SOMETIMES A KID JUST NEEDS A LITTLE ROOM-- 306 00:12:59,378 --> 00:13:01,412 I'M PRETTY SURE I KNOW WHAT MY SON NEEDS. 307 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,915 AND RIGHT NOW, HE NEEDS TO COME HOME. 308 00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:06,351 WE HAVE A LOT ON OUR COLLECTIVE PLATE. 309 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:08,253 WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO REMEMBER, 310 00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:11,189 GOD NEVER GIVES US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE. 311 00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:15,426 UH-HUH. 312 00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:18,497 YOU AGREE WITH THAT? 313 00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:24,035 ADAM? 314 00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:26,704 ADAM. 315 00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:29,374 ADAM! 316 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,616 HELLO, MINNEAPOLIS. 317 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:43,922 I'M PAUL JAMISON, AND YOU ARE... 318 00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,524 A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE. 319 00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:47,826 HA HA! 320 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,228 WHO ARE HERE TO BE INSPIRED, 321 00:13:50,229 --> 00:13:52,764 MAYBE EVEN BY ME. 322 00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,699 WELL... 323 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:59,370 I'M JUST A GUY WHO HAPPENED TO KICK THE BUCKET 324 00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:00,939 AND BOUNCE BACK, 325 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:06,378 THANKS TO SOMETHING THAT I CALL...PAUL POWER. 326 00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:13,885 AND... 327 00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:16,621 THE DAY THAT I DIED, 328 00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:21,326 I LEARNED THAT THE IMPORTANT THING, 329 00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:24,362 IT WASN'T TO GO TOWARD THE LIGHT, 330 00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:30,268 BUT TO WAKE UP AND REACH FOR THE LIGHT. 331 00:14:33,939 --> 00:14:37,109 REACH FOR IT. 332 00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:40,879 I FEEL LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 333 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,881 YOU HAVEN'T EXACTLY KEPT ME IN THE LOOP 334 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,049 ABOUT YOUR CHURCH, YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND? 335 00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,285 - THIS IS BULLSHIT. - EXCUSE ME? 336 00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:49,120 MOM, THE ONLY REASON YOU CARE NOW IS SO 337 00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,856 YOU'LL SEEM LIKE SOME SUPER-MOM FOR THOSE PEOPLE TONIGHT. 338 00:14:51,857 --> 00:14:53,491 YOU WANT TO TROT ME OUT LIKE A CIRCUS ACT, 339 00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:56,461 AND I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT. - I WANT YOU TO BE INVOLVED. 340 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,662 NO, YOU DON'T. YOU JUST WANT US TO SEEM 341 00:14:57,663 --> 00:15:00,031 LIKE SOME LAME, HAPPY FAMILY 342 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,700 FOR DAVE AND WHAT'S-HER-NAME SO THEY'LL GIVE YOU THEIR KID. 343 00:15:02,701 --> 00:15:05,603 JUST FOCUS ON YOURSELF AND STOP JUDGING MY FRIENDS. 344 00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:08,406 - I'M NOT JUDGING ANYONE. - I SAW YOU, MOM. 345 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,541 AND WHAT MAKES IT REALLY LOUSY IS THAT THEY'RE THE ONLY PEOPLE 346 00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:13,411 WHO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IT'S OKAY TO BE MYSELF THESE DAYS. 347 00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:14,846 THEY'RE NICE TO ME, 348 00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:17,916 AND NOT BECAUSE THEY NEED SOMETHING. 349 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,617 MAYBE YOU JUST HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST GOD. 350 00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:22,287 I DON'T. 351 00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:27,025 I DON'T. I JUST... 352 00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:30,061 I WANT YOU TO BE SMART ABOUT WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN. 353 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:32,297 IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU. 354 00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:35,099 YOU'RE SMART. 355 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,268 YEAH. YEAH, I AM SMART. 356 00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:39,837 SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT YOU SHOULDN'T BE ADOPTING A BABY 357 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:44,542 WHEN YOU HAVE CANCER. 358 00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:47,045 BUT I HAD TO LEARN 359 00:15:47,046 --> 00:15:50,648 THAT NO DOCTOR COULD WRITE A PRESCRIPTION FOR MY LIFE... 360 00:15:50,649 --> 00:15:52,984 OR FOR ANYTHING, FOR THAT MATTER-- 361 00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:54,786 FUCK IT. 362 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,387 IT'S SO FUCKING HOT UP HERE. 363 00:15:56,388 --> 00:15:58,656 IT'S HOTTER THAN FUCKING GUAM. 364 00:15:58,657 --> 00:15:59,791 YOU'D HAVE TO BE EMBALMED 365 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,492 NOT TO SWEAT UNDER THESE FUCKING LIGHTS. 366 00:16:01,493 --> 00:16:03,361 MAYBE IT'S MY COMPRESSION SHIRT. 367 00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:06,798 OKAY, FULL DISCLOSURE: I'M WEARING A COMPRESSION SHIRT. 368 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,299 ISN'T IT SEXY? 369 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,202 YOU KNOW, AND IT FEELS LIKE A FUCKING ANACONDA. 370 00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:16,007 OH, GOD. 371 00:16:16,008 --> 00:16:19,711 OR MAYBE IT'S... OH, SHIT. 372 00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:23,581 MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED ARRHYTHMIA. 373 00:16:23,582 --> 00:16:25,149 OH, BOY, YOU GUYS ARE GETTING 374 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,985 THE WHOLE SHOW TODAY, AREN'T YOU? 375 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:32,290 WELL, ANYBODY WHO READS MY BLOG KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. 376 00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,359 ABABUO? ABABUO? 377 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,260 OH, MY GOD. 378 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:39,030 MY LOVELY ASSISTANT, ABABUO, WILL NOW DETERMINE 379 00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:43,201 WHETHER MY HEART NEEDS TO BE JOLTED BACK TO NORMALCY. 380 00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:47,505 - IT DOES. - SHIT. 381 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,941 OKAY, DON'T PANIC, EVERYBODY. 382 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,010 THIS IS GOING TO FEEL EVEN WORSE THAN IT LOOKS. 383 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,278 ALL RIGHT. 384 00:16:54,279 --> 00:16:58,282 ONE, TWO, THREE, GO. 385 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,686 OH, CUT THE LIGHTS. 386 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,920 CUT THE LIGHTS. 387 00:17:06,492 --> 00:17:08,126 I'M OKAY. 388 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:09,827 TURN ON THE LIGHTS. FLIP THE SWITCH. 389 00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:11,462 I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY. 390 00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:13,564 FLIP THE SWITCH, IT'S OKAY. 391 00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:15,867 OH, GOD. OH, BOY. 392 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:18,202 OH, SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO SEE THAT. 393 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:23,741 THAT WAS...WEIRD AND SCARY, 394 00:17:23,742 --> 00:17:26,244 AND NOT A LITTLE EMBARRASSING FOR ME, 395 00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:29,247 SO I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT. 396 00:17:29,248 --> 00:17:31,649 BUT... 397 00:17:31,650 --> 00:17:37,221 WELL, IT'S ALSO-- IT'S-- 398 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:39,924 I GUESS IT'S LIVING PROOF THAT, 399 00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:44,329 WHEN YOUR LIFE GETS DARK, YOU CAN... 400 00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:49,801 YOU CAN FLIP A SWITCH AND-- AND--AND THINGS CAN GET BETTER. 401 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,636 AND THAT'S A REALLY POWERFUL METAPHOR. 402 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:54,672 I MEAN, WE ALL LOVE TO BLAME ALL THESE OUTSIDE FORCES 403 00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:57,008 IN OUR LIFE FOR THE THINGS THAT MAKE US MISERABLE. 404 00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,410 BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT, 405 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:03,081 THE SECRET TO MAKING THINGS BETTER ON THE OUTSIDE 406 00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,450 IS JUST TO FLIP THAT SWITCH THAT'S ON THE INSIDE. 407 00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:07,251 AND WE'VE ALL GOT THAT SWITCH. 408 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,786 THERE'S NOT ONE PERSON IN THIS ROOM THAT 409 00:18:08,787 --> 00:18:12,590 DOESN'T HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE A POSITIVE CHOICE, RIGHT? 410 00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,325 TO IMAGINE A BETTER LIFE. 411 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:18,296 ALL WE NEED TO DO IS FLIP THAT SWITCH 412 00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:21,699 AND DECIDE WE WANT TO LET GO OF ALL THAT CRAP 413 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:23,167 THAT'S BEEN HOLDING US BACK. 414 00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:27,238 YOU KNOW, MATTER OF FACT, MR. HOUSE-LIGHT MAN, 415 00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:30,641 CAN YOU TURN ON ALL THE LIGHTS? 416 00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:32,110 CAN YOU TURN ON THE HOUSE LIGHTS SO THAT I CAN SEE EVERYBODY? 417 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,579 OKAY, JUST GO WITH ME ON THIS. 418 00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,348 YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO? 419 00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:39,350 WE'RE GONNA FLIP THAT SWITCH. 420 00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,385 YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING DREADING THE DAY? 421 00:18:41,386 --> 00:18:43,387 FLIP THAT SWITCH. 422 00:18:43,388 --> 00:18:47,625 YOU CAN'T AFFORD YOUR MORTGAGE, YOUR CAR PAYMENT, 423 00:18:47,626 --> 00:18:49,927 YOUR WIFE'S ADULT BRACES, SO WHAT DO YOU DO? 424 00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:51,662 FLIP THAT SWITCH! 425 00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:53,731 THAT'S RIGHT, BUDDY. FLIP THAT SWITCH. 426 00:18:53,732 --> 00:18:56,534 DECIDE YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THOSE SEXY, CROOKED TEETH. 427 00:18:57,569 --> 00:18:59,070 SAD ABOUT THE PAST? 428 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,705 all: FLIP THAT SWITCH! 429 00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:02,073 SCARED ABOUT THE FUTURE? 430 00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,808 FLIP THAT GODDAMN SWITCH. all: FLIP THAT SWITCH! 431 00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:08,813 ARE YOU READY TO LOVE YOUR LIFE? 432 00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:12,016 all: FLIP THAT SWITCH! 433 00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:16,989 FLIP THAT SWITCH! 434 00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,267 IT'S GETTING WORSE. 435 00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:32,870 YEAH, SECOND DEGREE BURNS TEND TO CREEP UP ON YOU. 436 00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:35,239 THIS GREEN STUFF'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT LOOK LESS RED. 437 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:36,941 I JUST--I DON'T WANT THE COOPERS TO KNOW. 438 00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:39,777 WELL, THEY WON'T-- IF THEY'RE BLIND. 439 00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:41,679 WHEN ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO BE HERE? 440 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:42,880 15 MINUTES. 441 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:45,183 OH, I HATE TO HEAP MORE TRAGEDY ON YOU, 442 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:48,152 YOU GOT A REPULSIVE BLISTER, 443 00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:50,755 RIGHT HERE, 3:00. - OH, MY GOD. 444 00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:53,090 BETTER SLAP A BAND-AID ON THAT SUCKER STAT. 445 00:19:54,726 --> 00:19:56,594 YEAH, YOU'RE ON WITH WILLY. 446 00:19:56,595 --> 00:20:00,064 YEAH, BUDDY, YOUR DIRTY WISH IS MY COMMAND. 447 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:03,067 UH-HUH. 448 00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:09,407 OH, WELCOME! 449 00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,943 YOU'RE EARLY. THAT'S GREAT! 450 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,478 COME ON IN. - FAST BUS, NOT BAD MANNERS. 451 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:18,549 IS YOUR FACE OKAY THERE? 452 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,718 OH. YES, IT'S, UH... 453 00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,454 A LITTLE REACTION TO A LOTION. 454 00:20:23,455 --> 00:20:26,057 AND A CAT SCRATCH FROM THE...NEIGHBOR... 455 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,892 LET ME TAKE YOUR COAT. - OH, SURE, THANKS. 456 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:31,095 - THANK YOU. - JUST MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME. 457 00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:35,133 PAUL IS ON HIS WAY. - THAT'S OKAY. 458 00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,103 OH. 459 00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:41,539 I'M TRYING TO PICK A NEW COLOR. 460 00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:43,341 I HAD AN EASIER TIME PICKING A COLLEGE. 461 00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:46,010 YEAH, I LIKE BEING IN YOU TOO. 462 00:20:46,011 --> 00:20:48,479 YEAH, HERE COMES THE DONKEY PUNCH! 463 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,916 OH, YEAH! OHH! 464 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:56,654 OH, THAT'S JUST-- JUST MY BROTHER. 465 00:20:56,655 --> 00:21:00,491 THAT MADE IT SOUND EVEN WORSE, DIDN'T IT? 466 00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:02,827 AFTER A FEW MONTHS, WE'D MOVE THE BABY 467 00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:05,129 FROM OUR BEDROOM INTO HERE, WHICH WILL LOOK 468 00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:07,965 A LOT LESS FASHION SCHOOL AND MORE NURSERY SCHOOL. 469 00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:10,368 PROMISE. - IT'S PERFECT. 470 00:21:10,369 --> 00:21:11,902 YEAH, YOUR WHOLE HOUSE, IT'S IN GREAT SHAPE. 471 00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:14,038 I MEAN, THE KITCHEN TILE, THE WAINSCOTING, 472 00:21:14,039 --> 00:21:16,707 EVEN THE GROUT-- YOU CAN SEE THE CRAFTSMANSHIP. 473 00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:19,377 TALKING CONTRACTOR SPEAK AGAIN. 474 00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:21,112 HE MEANS YOU HAVE A VERY PRETTY HOUSE. 475 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,383 YEAH, NEWER CONSTRUCTION JUST DOESN'T HOLD UP LIKE THIS. 476 00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:28,886 LET'S HEAR IT FOR OLD. 477 00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:31,322 WELL, THERE'S MORE TO SEE. - GOOD. 478 00:21:31,323 --> 00:21:33,724 WE'RE JUST SORRY TO MISS ADAM. 479 00:21:33,725 --> 00:21:37,561 OH, YEAH, WHO KNEW THAT STUDY GROUPS HAVE EMERGENCY MEETINGS? 480 00:21:37,562 --> 00:21:40,231 IT MUST BE TEST SEASON OR SOMETHING. 481 00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:43,067 ADAM, YOU'RE BACK. GREAT. 482 00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:44,568 WOW, THE HOCKEY PLAYER. HEY, I'M DAVE. 483 00:21:44,569 --> 00:21:45,903 I'M ADAM. NICE TO MEET YOU GUYS. 484 00:21:45,904 --> 00:21:48,372 MAXINE. YOU HAVE YOUR DAD'S EYES. 485 00:21:48,373 --> 00:21:51,042 WELL, I HOPE NOT. HE STILL NEEDS THEM. 486 00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:54,512 WELL, LOOK, WE-- WE KNOW YOU'RE BUSY, 487 00:21:54,513 --> 00:21:56,514 SO WE WON'T BOTHER YOU. - OH, NO. 488 00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:58,082 NO, I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, 489 00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,984 YOU KNOW, IF YOU GUYS-- YOU GUYS WANNA TALK. 490 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,085 - YEAH. - YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT. 491 00:22:01,086 --> 00:22:03,988 AWESOME. DO YOU MIND, MOM? 492 00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:06,557 NO. 493 00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:09,360 GREAT. STEP IN MY ROOM. 494 00:22:09,361 --> 00:22:12,763 - COOL. - THANK YOU. 495 00:22:18,303 --> 00:22:19,670 IT'S CRAZY. 496 00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,038 I USED TO CELEBRATE WITH A DOUBLE MARTINI. 497 00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:23,441 NOW IT'S ALL ABOUT THE KALE. 498 00:22:23,442 --> 00:22:24,542 HUH. 499 00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:25,609 YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT KALE. 500 00:22:25,610 --> 00:22:28,212 - MM-MM. - "KALE: IT'S THE NEW SPINACH." 501 00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:34,185 YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED OUT THERE, DON'T YOU, PAUL? 502 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:35,686 I ALMOST DROWNED IN MY OWN SWEAT. 503 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:39,557 SURE, YOU STUMBLED, BUT, UH... 504 00:22:39,558 --> 00:22:41,826 I BELIEVE THAT A GREAT RECOVERY 505 00:22:41,827 --> 00:22:43,194 IS THE SIGN OF A GREAT PERFORMER, 506 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:45,329 AND THAT WAS BY FAR THE BEST RECOVERY I HAVE EVER SEEN. 507 00:22:45,330 --> 00:22:47,465 YOU WERE AMAZING OUT THERE. - OH. 508 00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:49,266 SHAPEWEAR MISHAPS ASIDE, 509 00:22:49,267 --> 00:22:50,468 I DID SORT OF START TO FIND 510 00:22:50,469 --> 00:22:52,503 MY OWN VOICE A LITTLE BIT, YOU KNOW? 511 00:22:52,504 --> 00:22:53,871 AND THE CATCHPHRASE OF THE YEAR. 512 00:22:53,872 --> 00:22:55,039 THAT IS A GIFT. 513 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:56,640 I MEAN, I THINK YOU SHOULD REALLY THINK 514 00:22:56,641 --> 00:23:00,711 ABOUT SEEING YOUR POTENTIAL IN A MUCH, MUCH BIGGER WAY. 515 00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:02,947 WHAT WOULD YOU SAY... 516 00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:07,618 TO BEING MY REGULAR NUMBER TWO? 517 00:23:07,619 --> 00:23:09,653 I THINK I NEED YOU TO CLARIFY THAT A LITTLE BIT. 518 00:23:09,654 --> 00:23:12,990 I WANT US TO BE A TEAM. 519 00:23:12,991 --> 00:23:16,160 I BRING IN THE WOMEN AND YOU BRING IN THEIR HUSBANDS. 520 00:23:16,161 --> 00:23:17,228 OH. 521 00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:18,229 I MEAN, THAT IS A DEMOGRAPHIC 522 00:23:18,230 --> 00:23:19,997 I HAVE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO SUBMIT. 523 00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:22,400 DO YOU KNOW, ABOUT EIGHT GUYS CAME UP TO ME AFTERWARDS 524 00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:23,968 TO CHECK OUT MY FOB. 525 00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:26,570 US MEN, WE CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE GADGETS, YOU KNOW? 526 00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:30,040 WELL, I'M ABOUT TO GO ON TOUR--WISCONSIN, ILLINOIS. 527 00:23:30,041 --> 00:23:34,712 YOU COULD JOIN ME AS THE "FLIP THAT SWITCH" GUY. 528 00:23:34,713 --> 00:23:35,813 NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER RIGHT NOW. 529 00:23:35,814 --> 00:23:37,648 JUST THINK ABOUT IT. - YES! 530 00:23:37,649 --> 00:23:38,783 - OH! - YES! 531 00:23:38,784 --> 00:23:40,751 - GREAT. - OH, MY GOD, YES. 532 00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:42,653 OH, GOD, I AM STARVING. 533 00:23:42,654 --> 00:23:44,655 WHY DON'T WE GO GET A BITE AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT THE TOUR DATES? 534 00:23:44,656 --> 00:23:47,024 OH, GOD. THERE'S NOTHING I'D RATHER DO, 535 00:23:47,025 --> 00:23:48,225 BUT I'M ALREADY LATE. 536 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:50,928 I PROMISED CATHY THAT I'D MEET THIS COUPLE 537 00:23:50,929 --> 00:23:52,897 WHOSE BABY WE'RE THINKING ABOUT ADOPTING. 538 00:23:52,898 --> 00:23:56,767 OH. WOW. 539 00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:58,569 - EXCITING, RIGHT? - YEAH. 540 00:23:58,570 --> 00:24:01,305 CATHY ACTUALLY GOT THE IDEA AT YOUR WORKSHOP. 541 00:24:01,306 --> 00:24:05,176 A BABY! WOW, THAT'S REALLY GONNA COMPLICATE THINGS. 542 00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:07,778 OH, NO, WELL, SHE'S FEELING GREAT, YOU KNOW? 543 00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:09,413 AND HER SCANS ARE FANTASTIC. 544 00:24:09,414 --> 00:24:11,081 NO, NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT 545 00:24:11,082 --> 00:24:13,250 THAT YOUR CAREER'S ABOUT TO TAKE OFF. 546 00:24:13,251 --> 00:24:14,985 I MEAN, IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD JUST--I'D THINK ABOUT IT, 547 00:24:14,986 --> 00:24:18,355 MAKE SURE THAT IT'S SOMETHING THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY WANT. 548 00:24:18,356 --> 00:24:21,826 OH. OH, OH, NO. 549 00:24:21,827 --> 00:24:26,297 YEAH, BUT--LOOK, MAYBE THE TIMING ISN'T PERFECT, 550 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,065 BUT I REALLY WANT IT. I MEAN, I DO. 551 00:24:28,066 --> 00:24:29,433 I RE--I REALLY WANT IT. 552 00:24:29,434 --> 00:24:33,137 I-I DO REALLY WANT IT. 553 00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:37,808 I'M INSANE IF I THINK I CAN SAVE THIS EVENING WITH PIE. 554 00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:40,311 MM-HMM. 555 00:24:40,312 --> 00:24:42,046 WHOA. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE? 556 00:24:42,047 --> 00:24:43,514 IT'S PAST 6:00. YOU'RE LATE. 557 00:24:43,515 --> 00:24:45,015 SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE? 558 00:24:45,016 --> 00:24:47,485 HONEY, I AM SO SORRY WE ARE LATE, 559 00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:48,953 BUT I AM HAPPY TO REPORT THAT, 560 00:24:48,954 --> 00:24:52,056 AFTER NEARLY BEING MURDERED BY A GIRDLE ON STAGE... 561 00:24:52,057 --> 00:24:55,226 both: I FLIPPED THAT SWITCH! 562 00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:57,294 HONEY, GOT ALL THESE OTHER GIGS FROM JOY, 563 00:24:57,295 --> 00:24:58,863 WHICH MEANS SOME SERIOUS BANK. 564 00:24:58,864 --> 00:25:01,732 IT IS ALL GOOD, LET ME TELL YOU. IT'S VERY, VERY GOOD. 565 00:25:01,733 --> 00:25:02,900 EXCEPT FOR YOUR FACE. 566 00:25:02,901 --> 00:25:04,935 I HAD A MINOR TREATMENT, OKAY? 567 00:25:04,936 --> 00:25:06,370 AND, NO, IT IS NOT ALL GOOD, PAUL. 568 00:25:06,371 --> 00:25:07,538 DAVE AND MAXINE HAVE BEEN UPSTAIRS 569 00:25:07,539 --> 00:25:09,073 TALKING TO ADAM FOR THE LAST HALF HOUR. 570 00:25:09,074 --> 00:25:12,009 THAT'S PERFECT, HE'S OUR EXCELLENT PARENTING RESUME. 571 00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:14,979 - NOT ACCORDING TO HIM. - HEY, PAUL. 572 00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:17,414 BUDDY, I AM SO SORRY THAT WE ARE LATE. 573 00:25:17,415 --> 00:25:20,117 I HAD THIS SPEECH THING THAT TURNED INTO THIS MEETING THING. 574 00:25:20,118 --> 00:25:22,419 HI, MAXINE. - MANNERS, MR. J. 575 00:25:22,420 --> 00:25:23,888 I'M SO SORRY. 576 00:25:23,889 --> 00:25:26,423 MAXINE, DAVE, THIS IS MY EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT, ABABUO. 577 00:25:26,424 --> 00:25:30,494 ABABUO IS LIVING WITH US LIKE FAMILY. 578 00:25:30,495 --> 00:25:31,762 YOU KNOW, NOT OUR FAMILY, 579 00:25:31,763 --> 00:25:33,297 BUT JUST--OH, THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT. 580 00:25:33,298 --> 00:25:34,331 NO. 581 00:25:34,332 --> 00:25:35,533 MY PARENTS ARE WORKING IN AFRICA, 582 00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:37,434 AND I'M STAYING HERE UNTIL THEY GET BACK. 583 00:25:37,435 --> 00:25:39,570 TEA? PIE? 584 00:25:39,571 --> 00:25:43,173 HOW'D YOUR TALK WITH ADAM GO? 585 00:25:43,174 --> 00:25:48,812 UM, WE KNOW HOW NERVE-RACKING THIS WHOLE PROCESS HAS BEEN, 586 00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:50,447 AND WE DON'T WANT TO DRAG IT OUT. 587 00:25:50,448 --> 00:25:51,949 YEAH, ESPECIALLY SINCE, YOU KNOW, 588 00:25:51,950 --> 00:25:53,450 WE'VE BEEN MEETING WITH ANOTHER COUPLE. 589 00:25:53,451 --> 00:25:55,452 WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE. 590 00:25:55,453 --> 00:25:57,388 WE WERE JUST HOPING ADAM WOULD HAVE 591 00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:59,189 A FEW THINGS TO SAY ABOUT GROWING UP HERE. 592 00:25:59,190 --> 00:26:02,192 AND HE WAS VERY HONEST WITH US. 593 00:26:02,193 --> 00:26:06,630 YEAH, I MEAN, HE'S AN AMAZING YOUNG MAN... 594 00:26:06,631 --> 00:26:10,435 AND HE IS GONNA BE A TERRIFIC BIG BROTHER TO THIS BABY. 595 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,747 AM I ALLOWED TO EAT LIKE I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY, 596 00:26:23,748 --> 00:26:25,215 OR DO I ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE PREGNANT? 597 00:26:25,216 --> 00:26:29,988 YOU EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT, AS LONG AS I CAN TOO. 598 00:26:31,222 --> 00:26:33,223 THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, ISN'T IT? 599 00:26:33,224 --> 00:26:35,459 I THINK WE LEARNED SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT TODAY. 600 00:26:35,460 --> 00:26:36,994 DESPITE OUR ADVANCING AGE, 601 00:26:36,995 --> 00:26:38,462 MY GUT, AND YOUR FACE, 602 00:26:38,463 --> 00:26:40,264 WE ARE STILL A VERY ATTRACTIVE COUPLE. 603 00:26:41,666 --> 00:26:44,134 HEY. - HEY. 604 00:26:44,135 --> 00:26:45,569 HEY, BUD. 605 00:26:45,570 --> 00:26:47,838 OR SHOULD I SAY, HEY, SOON-TO-BE WONDERFUL BIG BROTHER? 606 00:26:47,839 --> 00:26:49,807 YOU WANT TO JOIN US FOR A BIG SLICE OF PIE 607 00:26:49,808 --> 00:26:51,609 OR A LITTLE SIP OF WINE? WE'RE CELEBRATING. 608 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:54,011 UH, NO, NO, I'M GOOD. I JUST CALLED UNCLE SEAN. 609 00:26:54,012 --> 00:26:57,948 I'M GOING TO BE STAYING OVER THERE FOR A FEW DAYS. 610 00:26:57,949 --> 00:27:03,220 - WHY? - JUST TO CHILL. 611 00:27:03,221 --> 00:27:07,291 ADAM... I'M SORRY... 612 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:09,793 ABOUT OUR FIGHT TODAY. IF YOU'RE STILL MAD-- 613 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:11,195 NO, MOM, I'M FINE. 614 00:27:11,196 --> 00:27:13,897 I DID WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO DO, TALKED TO THOSE PEOPLE. 615 00:27:13,898 --> 00:27:17,368 I TOLD THEM YOU'RE A GREAT MOM. 616 00:27:17,369 --> 00:27:21,006 I LIED. 617 00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:36,987 GOOD NEWS IS, WE GET TO HAVE ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE. 618 00:27:36,988 --> 00:27:42,794 WAY TO FLIP THAT SWITCH, CATH. 45837

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