Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:09,960
This programme contains strong
language and adult humour
2
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,040
It smells like fear.
3
00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:26,440
I've invited six well-known faces...
4
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:27,560
Ready?
5
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,360
..to my very racy book club.
6
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:30,480
Oh, oh!
7
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,960
It is getting spicy.
8
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,280
Making me sweat.
9
00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:35,320
Amateur writers have worked
with us...
10
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:36,400
I can't read this!
11
00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:37,440
Wow.
12
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:38,920
I'm dressing up as a fireman?
13
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,480
HE HOWLS
14
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,920
..to create mind-blowing
fantasies...
15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,440
Whoever wrote this is a g!
16
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:45,720
..of love...
17
00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:46,800
Urgh!
18
00:00:46,840 --> 00:00:47,920
Quite hot, isn't it?
19
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,240
..passionate liaisons...
20
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,560
I would never do that.
21
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:51,800
No!
22
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:53,440
..and unbridled lust.
23
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:54,680
Oh, no!
24
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,560
There's a limit.
25
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,120
We've used puppets,
so you don't have to use...
26
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,640
Viva forever!
27
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,200
..your imagination.
28
00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:03,600
Oh, my God!
29
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,920
So join me for the rudest
book club in town.
30
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,920
I just can't accept
what I'm reading.
31
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,360
What a story!
32
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:12,720
And that was just page one.
33
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,600
So, Scarlett Moffatt,
welcome to this book club.
34
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:24,640
Thanks.
35
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:25,880
It's very exclusive.
36
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,120
That's my middle name, exclusive.
37
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,440
Thanks for that wink.
38
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,960
Yeah. I love that!
39
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,400
She's getting one in early.
40
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,600
That was a real Anne Robinson,
that was. Was it?
41
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,600
Yeah. Are you ready?
42
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,040
No, I'm really not!
43
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,720
I've seen you eyeing up
the envelope.
44
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:41,040
Yeah. Yes, it is in there.
45
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,680
Would you like a drink before
you open the envelope?
46
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,040
Oh, yeah, I won't say no.
47
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,600
Have you got anything tropical?
48
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:47,400
Come on.
49
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,360
Now we're in Havana, right?
50
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,040
Not sure that's gonna work...
Oh, that's limp.
51
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,160
No, we'll stick... Yeah, no.
Well, thank you, though.
52
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:56,720
The thought was there.
53
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:59,320
Scarlett Moffatt... Oh, thank you.
..there you go.
54
00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,120
I have not read this, OK?
55
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:04,560
OK. We are both very much
in the dark.
56
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:05,880
OK.
57
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,440
OK, so let's open up.
58
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:08,680
That sounded rude.
59
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:12,880
Now, I should just say some of
your story will be re-enacted.
60
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,480
Who... By us?
61
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,400
Keep your trousers on.
That's fine. OK.
62
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,840
Keep the clothes on. It's
a jumpsuit, so it would look weird
63
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,400
if I just kept the trousers on!
64
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,360
Imagine just sitting here with
just the top and no trousers!
65
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,640
You keep that jumpsuit
very much on... Yeah, mm-hm.
66
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,240
..because we've got some puppets.
67
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,600
The start of all good stories.
68
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:31,720
Isn't it? Yeah.
69
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,560
Take it away, Ms Moffatt.
70
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,840
Fumble in the Jungle,
starring Scarlett Moffatt.
71
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:42,320
Here we go. Here we go.
72
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,160
"Scarlett opened her sticky eyes,
73
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,400
"blinking as she came back
to consciousness."
74
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:50,720
Feels weird talking about
myself in, like...
75
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,480
In the third person.
Yeah, in the third person.
76
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:53,720
It's a bit grand, isn't it?
77
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,440
Yeah. But I'm afraid
it's the rule of Book Club.
78
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,680
OK. Mel Giedroyc would like you
to start, please.
79
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:01,240
Thanks.
80
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,160
"Scarlett opened her sticky eyes,
81
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:09,720
"blinking as she came back
to consciousness.
82
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,720
"'What the...' Where was she?
83
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,960
"Using her senses, she sensed..."
84
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:17,240
That's good.
85
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,720
"..she was in a wood-panelled
office.
86
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,960
"But whose office was this?
87
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:28,240
"Her eyes flicked back and forth as
she desperately scanned for clues.
88
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,480
"A large oak desk was covered
in knick-knacks."
89
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,040
We're presuming not the crisps.
90
00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,960
I love a Nik Nak - who doesn't?
91
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,040
I love a Nik Nak!
92
00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:42,320
"A bear holding a love heart saying,
'Bear-st Friends',
93
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:46,760
"a mug full of pens with
'World's Second-Best TV Presenter',
94
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,840
"and a reclining...."
SHE LAUGHS
95
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,160
Sorry!
96
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:56,200
"And a reclining nude drawing of
a faceless, large-foreheaded man."
97
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,000
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Who is this?
98
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,480
Is it Canon and Ball?
99
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:10,240
"On the edge of the desk there was
a dog-eared film script.
100
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,920
"Scarlett tilted her head
to read it.
101
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:17,240
"Ah-ha. 'Alien Autopsy'.
102
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:20,360
"'Ah, another believer',
she contemplated."
103
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,920
Are you a believer, Scarlett?
104
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,160
I'm a believer.
105
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,920
We can't be the most intelligent
life force.
106
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,880
I mean, it would be a worry
if we were. It really would.
107
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,440
Is there an equivalent of
us somewhere else,
108
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,160
with people doing what we're doing,
109
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:36,440
ie sitting and reading
erotic fiction, as we speak?
110
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,960
There could be a parallel universe
where it's actually
111
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,920
we're re-enacting what the puppets
are saying.
112
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,520
Oh... You never know, do you?
113
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,920
Fascinating.
114
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,800
You never know.
MEL WHISTLES
115
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:47,120
Carry on.
116
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,880
"'Scarlett, yous awake!'
117
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,720
"She now knew exactly whose
office she was in.
118
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:55,760
"'Dec? Hadaway, man,
what's gannin' on?'
119
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,080
LAUGHTER
120
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:02,120
"Declan Donnelly slowly strutted
around the desk into full view.
121
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:06,360
"He was half naked from
the waist up,
122
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:10,160
"a tartan scarf draped desiringly
around his thick neck."
123
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:14,040
I am so sorry, Ali - cos
I'm friends with Dec's wife!
124
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,880
LAUGHTER
125
00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,400
And... I'm sorry, Ali!
126
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:22,760
"A breeze from the window gently
teased the corner of the scarf,
127
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,520
"creating a ripple across
Dec's chest hair.
128
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:30,280
"She'd seen that surprisingly
muscular body before.
129
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,720
"Stocky and boxy,
like a ripped Lego man."
130
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,640
That's a good description.
He is a bit like a Lego man.
131
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,760
Yeah. I could imagine him having,
like, interchangeable limbs.
132
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:41,960
And hook...
133
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,960
No? Just he's... No, he's not.
134
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,920
Oh, don't do that when
we're reading this! "Ooh!"
135
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:51,240
"'Where the hell is Ant,
man?', Scarlett said.
136
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:54,000
"'I cannae get yous two
apart normally.'
137
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,760
"'Sh!', Dec whispered,
138
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,960
"placing a finger on
her perfectly plump lips
139
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,080
"and lightly tugging at his scarf."
140
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:05,560
I don't like his scarf.
141
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,280
No. Why's he got a tartan scarf?
I don't like the tartan scarf.
142
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:11,160
I also feel... I mean, don't -
I love tartan, don't get me wrong.
143
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,640
Yeah. But I don't want to see it
on a naked Dec.
144
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:18,400
"Scarlett's mind further swirled
as Dec circled her."
145
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,200
Is he dancing?
146
00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:22,840
I don't know what he's doing.
147
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,480
Why is he circling us?!
148
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,720
"'God, Dec's pecs looked pert
and juicy,'
149
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,800
"she thought to herself,
her mouth watering.
150
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,400
"His abs were thick...
SHE LAUGHS
151
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:38,280
"His abs were like thick
slabs of meat,
152
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,400
"flowing down the front
of his body."
153
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:45,160
It's making me hungry.
154
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:48,800
Cheese straw? Yeah, should we have
a cheese... Thank you.
155
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,280
Go on, my darling.
It does makes us a bit hungry.
156
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,760
"The air between them was electric.
157
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:59,360
"For a moment she felt that same
spark fly between them."
158
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,840
So you've got previous.
159
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,880
"The fizzling truth was
they had history.
160
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:08,320
"A string of secret trysts
they'd never told anyone.
161
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:09,800
"Not even Scott knew."
162
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,040
Scott is my boyfriend.
Scott's real, not fictional.
163
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,000
No, he's real. How's he going
to feel about this?
164
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:15,040
He'll be foaming. Excellent.
165
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,120
They're complete opposites
of each other
166
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,640
because Scott's six foot four,
and Dec's...
167
00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:20,920
..not. Four foot six?
168
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,360
Yeah!
169
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:29,720
"It all began in
the Australian outback...
170
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,960
SWEEPING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
171
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:36,000
"..when she'd been crowned
Queen of the Jungle.
172
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,520
"There'd been an intimate,
illicit encounter.
173
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:45,360
"She and Dec had sheltered from
a freak tropical rainstorm
174
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,320
"in the bush telegraph." OK!
175
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,440
I didn't see that coming, you know?
176
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,720
OK.
177
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,880
"Ant had constipation from
the foreign food
178
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,960
"so was occupied elsewhere,
179
00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:01,480
"and so for the very first time
she and Dec had been alone."
180
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,080
Now this is where they've slipped up
here... Right.
181
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,640
..because if Ant was poorly
Dec would be by his side.
182
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:08,800
Really?
183
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,760
100%. They're soul sisters.
184
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,360
Love that.
185
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:16,680
"It was hot, it was steamy.
186
00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:20,960
"But there, alone,
she could resist no longer
187
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,360
"and she leaned down to kiss him."
188
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,200
Urgh!
189
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:27,120
That's disgusting!
190
00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,680
"He had pulled away at first
191
00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:33,440
"but then he leant in,
kissing her hard,
192
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:37,800
"on the lips, and then
all over her body.
193
00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,240
"Dec had been like a man possessed
194
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:44,200
"as he munched on her breasts"!
195
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,080
I hope it means me chicken breasts
from the canteen!
196
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,680
"Nibble" would be better.
197
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,720
Yes, I'll take a nibble,
I'll take a nuzzle. Yeah.
198
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:52,960
I'm quibbling. They're trying.
199
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,720
"Quibbling" is good.
Oh, that's a good one!
200
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,720
"Quibble on your breasts."
Oh, yeah.
201
00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,160
I'll take that.
202
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,840
"The jungle creatures and sounds
came alive around them..."
203
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,920
VARIOUS ANIMALS CHIRP AND CALL
204
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,240
"..as they melted into each other,
205
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,120
"their low moans absorbed
by the wilderness
206
00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:15,600
"for three and a quarter minutes
of angled doggy bliss together."
207
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,320
I see Dec like a big brother
type figure. Yeah.
208
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:20,840
Do you know what I mean?
209
00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,880
So this is actually, like, making
me feel weak in the stomach.
210
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:28,240
Yes. It's another dimension
to the friendship.
211
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:34,880
"But since then, Dec had always
let her down.
212
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,880
"Promises of just
the two of them, but no -
213
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,920
"Ant had always been there.
214
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:43,480
"She had vowed never again
to fall for Dec."
215
00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,960
SHE GIGGLES
216
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:49,480
"'Sit,' Dec said, indicating
the chair opposite his desk.
217
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,880
"She sat.
218
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,400
"'Scarlett Sigourney Moffatt,
you're a Queen of the Jungle,'
219
00:09:55,440 --> 00:10:00,440
"Dec said. 'You've proved that
yous can withstand starvation,
220
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:04,720
"'torture and prolonged exposure
to minor celebrities,
221
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:09,640
"'and I need yous to return to
the jungle for a mission with me.'"
222
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,720
It's getting tense, isn't it?
It is tense.
223
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:16,560
"'This is what you do.
It's all secrets and lies.'
224
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,800
"Scarlett spun on her heel,
ready to leave.
225
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:23,240
"'Scarlett, please don't leave.
I know I've made promises
226
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:27,960
"'I couldn't keep before, Scarlett.
But this time,
227
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,640
"'you have to trust me.'"
What's he going to do?
228
00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:33,040
"Dec slid behind Scarlett."
229
00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:37,600
OK, the word "slid" is...
Disgusting. Yeah, there we go.
230
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:41,800
"She let out a sigh as he brushed
his bountiful package..."
231
00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,640
MEL SNORTS
"..against the back of her thighs.
232
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:49,160
"Dec swiftly grabbed a chair
and climbed up to Scarlett's ear."
233
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,800
Oh, now, he's not that small!
He's tiny.
234
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:56,520
You're making out like
he's a Borrower!
235
00:10:56,560 --> 00:11:00,800
SMOOTH JAZZ
"'Do you trust me?', he uttered?
236
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:05,920
"She took Dec's index finger
and sensually licked it..." Hmm.
237
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:12,560
"..feeling all the ridges, knuckles
and webbing with her tongue."
238
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,000
Now... Webbing? Webbing.
239
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:16,200
Is that that bit?
240
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,240
Yeah. Does he have webbed fingers?
241
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,120
No, he doesn't have webbed fingers!
242
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,440
Webbed feet?
243
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,080
No! No.
244
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,520
THEY LAUGH
245
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,640
Oh, he's gonna howl at this.
246
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,520
"She instinctively caressed
his manhood.
247
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:38,880
"Dec slowly rested a framed photo of
Ant in his Christmas jumper
248
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,280
"on the desk, face down,
249
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,920
"pulling Scarlett into a deep,
animalistic kiss."
250
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,120
This is honestly knocking me ill.
Is it?
251
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,280
Yeah, like, I just feel like
I'm gonna really struggle looking...
252
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,280
To looking him in the eye?
Yeah. Yeah.
253
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,840
I'm never going to be able
to not say,
254
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,160
"Have you got webbed fingers?",
when I next come across...
255
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,200
That's going to be my problem.
But anyway...
256
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:08,400
"Scarlett's legs were weak as Dec's
tongue brushed against her own.
257
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:12,000
"It caressed and teased,
deeper and deeper,
258
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,320
"the heat moving through Scarlett
until she felt
259
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,560
"a stirring down below."
260
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,400
What?
261
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,680
A stirring down below.
262
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,000
Like a sickly feeling?
263
00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:26,720
No, I think it's more of
a...stirring. Stirring.
264
00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,640
I don't think I've ever
been stirred.
265
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,720
Shaken?
266
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,080
No, don't think I've ever been
shaken or stirred!
267
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,160
Crack back in, Scarlett.
268
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,280
"'Scarlett, it's time
for the mission.
269
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,400
"'Are yous in?', he asked with
a final nipple lick.
270
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:44,520
"'I'm always in yous,' Scarlett
responded, in spite of herself.
271
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:48,720
"'But where is Ant?', she questioned
for the second time.
272
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,920
"But Dec said nothing as he pulled
his ex-lover swiftly from
273
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:56,320
"the room, into the unknown."
274
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,800
Where's it gonna go next?
275
00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,200
It's gonna go very bad.
276
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,520
I've got a hotline to the puppets.
277
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:03,560
Cheers, my lovely. Cheers.
Thank you for this.
278
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,480
Aw! Here's to Book Club, eh?
279
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,760
"Whee!
280
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,480
"'Yours is bigger than I remember.'"
281
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,400
So, Scarlett Moffatt,
what do you want to happen?
282
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,440
I just want a happy ending.
Do you?
283
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:32,400
I want this version of
Scarlett to be happy,
284
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,440
but I don't think I could wholly
make Dec happy.
285
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,720
I think he would also need Ant.
Yeah, yeah.
286
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,760
I'd give up my own happiness to make
sure the boys stay together.
287
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,240
Oh, my God!
288
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,320
I don't think it's gonna end
like that. Do you not?
289
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,040
And I think there's gonna be
a lot more shagging,
290
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,920
so let's... Let's get back to
the business in hand.
291
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:55,720
"The twin prop plane lurched
in the air."
292
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,360
Hang on, we are... Right, OK.
Good. We're on the mission.
293
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,600
"The pair were strapped together,
ready for their tandem jump.
294
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:03,840
DRAMATIC MUSIC
295
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,440
"She let out a whoop
of delight as they fell."
296
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:07,760
I would never do that.
297
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,520
Didn't you have to do it, though,
to go... Oh, no, I didn't do that.
298
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,280
I went in a canoe with Larry Lamb.
Oh, did you?
299
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,080
Yeah, I actually did!
300
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,920
"She let out a whoop of delight
as they fell.
301
00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:25,280
"'Wheeeeeeeeee!'"
302
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:26,760
Nice!
303
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:31,240
"Scarlett glided them in
to land gently.
304
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,760
"'Come on, Dec, so what's
the mission?', she yelped
305
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,640
"as she unbuckled herself from
the parachute,
306
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,880
"and Dec slowly peeled himself
off her back
307
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:45,200
"and used the tip of his scarf
to mop his perspiring brow.
308
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:48,680
"'I think it's time to tell yous
our mission, Scarlett.'
309
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,200
"She swallowed, hard.
310
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:56,280
"'Finally,' she thought, 'the secret
would not be a secret any more.'
311
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,440
"'The mission is to run away
together,
312
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:03,520
"'from everything - the fame,
the paps, from Ant.
313
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,640
"'We can live on grubs and
kangaroo testicles
314
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,400
"'and be at one with the Earth,
with each other.
315
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,480
"'Just me and you,
Scarlett and Dec.'"
316
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,720
Also, how are we getting
the kangaroo testes?
317
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:20,200
It's not like you can go down
to Asda, is it?
318
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:21,960
How did they taste?
319
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,280
Mm...
320
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,280
Hard at first. Yeah.
321
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:28,560
Then gristly. Yeah.
322
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,320
Then, like, mushy. Yeah.
323
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,800
Well done, you, though. Well done.
Thanks.
324
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:36,320
"'Scarlett, will you marry me?'"
325
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,920
Sheer Barbara Cartland.
There has to be a marriage.
326
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:41,080
"'Yous want to marry me?',
she whispered.
327
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:46,080
"Dec nodded. 'But Ant', she asked
in a low voice.
328
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,920
"'He's always going to get
in the way.'
329
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,520
"'There's only one double act
I want to be.'"
330
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:52,920
SHE GASPS
331
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:56,000
"'There's only one double act
I want to be in -
332
00:15:56,040 --> 00:16:00,400
"'Scarlett. Scarlett and Dec.'
'Is this real?'
333
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,440
"'You canna be serious.'
334
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,520
"She glanced over the grass.
335
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,880
"A tortoise crept towards them,
336
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:11,120
"something shiny glinting off
its back in the lowering sunlight.
337
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,280
"A diamond ring.
338
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,280
"'What's yous' answer, pet?',
his voice breaking a bit.
339
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,240
IN A CROAKY VOICE:
"What's your answer, pet?"
340
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,200
IN A SQUEAKY VOICE:
"What's your answer, pet?"
341
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,960
SHE WHINES
You know?
342
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,080
Oh, no, that sounds a bit
like a donkey.
343
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,600
LAUGHTER
344
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:30,080
"She nodded a yes, of course
she would marry him,
345
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:32,760
"and her gaze fell on his lips.
346
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,920
"They were dry,
dusty with the heat,
347
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:40,240
"but Dec's own tears quickly
quenched their thirst."
348
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,360
Yes, it's very emotional, this.
Very emotional. Isn't it?
349
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:46,840
It's quite heart-warming.
350
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,480
"'Dec,' she gasped.
351
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,640
"'Scarlett?', he asked,
352
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,760
"but he was already following her
pointing finger
353
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,160
"to a shadow lurking in
the undergrowth.
354
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:01,440
"Scarlett and Dec leapt to their
feet to hide in the bush telegraph.
355
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:05,680
"They closed the door and were
plunged into total darkness.
356
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:10,560
"'Are you sure this is the best
place to hide?', Scarlett worried.
357
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:15,280
"'Shh, pet, calm yourself',
Dec breathed.
358
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,840
"'I'm here with you.'
359
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,640
"She squeezed his petite palm,
terrified.
360
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:24,120
"But now, in here, alone with Dec,
361
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,520
"just like the very first time,
danger was forgotten."
362
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,360
He does make you feel safe, Dec.
363
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,280
Yeah. Like, when you're on screen,
you know you're in safe hands,
364
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:37,120
not necessarily safe small hands,
just safe hands!
365
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,480
Or safe small, webbed hands.
366
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,080
But safe hands.
SCARLETT LAUGHS
367
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:45,680
"The moment he touched her,
it was like all the air had been
368
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,800
"sucked from the room.
369
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:50,480
"'Your nipple', Dec whispered,
370
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,960
"'Your nipple is standing like
a soldier
371
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,200
"'guarding a mighty fortress.
372
00:17:56,240 --> 00:18:00,160
"'A woman is like that,
a fortress men should be proud
373
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,880
"'to be allowed in through
the gates to treasure
374
00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,560
"'and envelop the beauty
held within.'"
375
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:06,920
I love that.
376
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,400
He's a sort of romantic hero
on a horse, isn't he?
377
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,960
He is, but he is just talking about
we're having a nibble on.
378
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,920
That's true, and he is still
wearing the tartan scarf.
379
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,400
I know. Why has he not
taken it off?!
380
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,720
It's annoying me, that.
381
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:19,800
"'Wow', Scarlett thought.
382
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:23,640
"His tongue encircled
and swept over each nipple."
383
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:24,920
He's a breast man, isn't he?
384
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,600
He is. Can I just say I love
the way you say "nipple"?
385
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,520
Nipp-il.
386
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,240
I love it. It's just brilliant.
387
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:36,280
"She didn't get a chance to admire
the bulge as it came free
388
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:40,960
"from his pants. But his hot heat
made itself known,
389
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,600
"snaking towards her."
390
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,440
Is this his... I think so.
391
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,320
"Scarlett inhaled deeply,
392
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,400
"her hands basking in
the glow of Dec's python."
393
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:51,680
Yes, it is, definitely.
394
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:54,960
Is it, or is it an actual snake?
Cos we're in the jungle, aren't we?
395
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,760
I think it's erotic fiction,
so chances are it's gonna be...
396
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:01,760
OK. It's gonna be...
It's gonna be Mr... Mr Dec.
397
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,600
I can't believe I said that.
398
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,720
"'Dec, yours is bigger
than I remember,
399
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:15,240
"'not in stature, obviously,
but your snake...'
400
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,880
"Scarlett ran her finger up
the length of it,
401
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,400
careful not to not scratch his shaft
with her shellac."
402
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,960
Yes, I don't know if I like
that image of a...
403
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,880
..of a nail going up.
404
00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:29,000
And, also, it means that
she's stroking it like that...
405
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,560
..if she's scared not to scratch it
with her shellac.
406
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,880
Hang on, it's up the length of it,
so it's going inwards. Oh! Isn't it?
407
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,920
But surely you'll be doing that,
then, wouldn't you?
408
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,160
Hmm.
409
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,520
"Dec groaned.
410
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,160
"'Mmm.' He was getting very sweaty.
411
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,000
"'I wouldn't want you to overheat,'
Scarlett worried,
412
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:50,640
"gently gripping the scarf,
ready to unwrap him."
413
00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,120
Thank God. Yes!
414
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:57,000
Thank you. We can lose that scarf
and we never need
415
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,040
to think about it ever again.
Oh, I hope so.
416
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,880
"Suddenly, Dec gripped her wrist.
417
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:04,760
"'No.' He jumped at the sternness
of his own voice.
418
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,720
"'No,' he said softer.
419
00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:11,960
"'It's my security scarf.
It makes me feel safe.'
420
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:15,280
"Pushing on, Dec pushed his tongue
into her navel,
421
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,480
"teasing as he moved further south
until he reached her
422
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:19,960
"mound of Venus.
423
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,240
"Scarlett was ready
for Declan's anaconda.
424
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:27,560
"Urgh," groaned Scarlett
in preparation.
425
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,280
Do that again. What was that noise?
426
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,720
Urgh. Urgh?
427
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,520
U-R-G-H. "Urgh"?
428
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,720
Urgh... Urrrgh.
429
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,880
"Outside, their groans echoed
through the jungle.
430
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,520
"'I need to feel you, pet,
feast on your sweetness,
431
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,800
"'lap up yer love,' Dec whispered
inside their sex box..."
432
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:46,240
SHE CHUCKLES
433
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,840
"..as he slipped inside
her sex box."
434
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,000
MEL SNORTS
435
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,920
But nice repetition of
"sex box" there.
436
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,960
Yes, it is, actually.
Yeah, nice repetition.
437
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,480
"She lowered and raised herself on
the pint-sized presenter's
438
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,320
"mammoth reptile member.
439
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,400
"Faster,
440
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,960
"then slower,
441
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,320
"then fast again.
442
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,480
"Ready for her explosion,
443
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,640
"her body arched in pleasure
as she erupted.
444
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,840
"He did too, yelping with the joy
of more than one man peaking."
445
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,920
Sorry! No, no, I'm loving it.
446
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:27,040
"Theirs was a stream of beauty
like the lava of
447
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,360
"a mountain sharing its treasure.
448
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:33,680
"Suddenly...
RATTLING
449
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:37,080
"..the door of the bush telegraph
was roughly ripped off its hinges.
450
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:38,920
CRASHING
451
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,760
"A shadowy, toned figure
standing there instead."
452
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,720
Who's that?
453
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:49,920
It's got to be Ant, isn't it?
Do you think?
454
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,040
I think so.
455
00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,120
"'Well,' the figure
sarcastically sighed.
456
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:57,760
"She shook her head in disbelief
as she instantly recognised
457
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:00,880
"the deep brooding voice.
This wasn't a monster.
458
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,400
"This was her A-list celeb
best friend.
459
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,960
"It was the action movie actor
Tom Hardy."
460
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,800
DRAMATIC MUSIC
461
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,160
What? Do you know Tom Hardy
in real life? Yeah, no, I do.
462
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,880
I was at Alan Carr's Chatty Man.
Oh, yeah.
463
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:21,160
And I'd just come out of
the jungle and I was there,
464
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,760
and I was all very new to TV.
465
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,000
Then his agent came over
and was like,
466
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,520
"Oh, can Tom please have
your number?
467
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,160
"Like, him and Charlotte
would love to take you out."
468
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:36,680
And so then he texted me and
because my mam had, like, text me
469
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,520
as well, so my mam and Tom Hardy
were at the top of my list,
470
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,480
I took a photo of myself
and said "My outfit",
471
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,960
and sent it to Tom by accident. Oh!
472
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:47,840
And I thought, "That's our
friendship over."
473
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:49,760
And do you know what he done,
what was so nice,
474
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,000
because I put, "So sorry - that
was meant for my mam",
475
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,200
he took a photo of himself
in the mirror and said,
476
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:57,920
"Sorry, that was for my mam too."
Aw. That's how nice he is!
477
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,240
Hardy is Softy. Yeah, Tom Softy
should be his name.
478
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:03,720
"'What you doin' here, Tom?'
479
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,720
"'I've been shooting
a movie nearby.'"
480
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,040
Now, his voice, he's more...
IN A DEEP VOICE: He's a bit...
481
00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,480
He's a bit gruff, actually,
isn't he? Yeah, he's a bit...
482
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,000
"'I've been shooting a mo...'"
483
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,160
Oh, no. I don't know what
accent that was!
484
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,200
That was Johnny Vegas.
485
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,320
"'I've been shooting
a movie nearby.'
486
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:19,360
Yeah, that is more Johnny Vegas,
isn't it?!
487
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,040
I don't know how to do Tom Hardy.
No, I like it, I like it.
488
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:23,640
Keep it going. I like that.
489
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:27,920
"'I've been shooting a movie
nearby about an ex-firefighter
490
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:32,280
"'sent into the jungle on a mission
to save the planet
491
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,240
"'by finding a rare koala.'
492
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,080
"As the director had shouted 'cut'
on set for the day,
493
00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:42,200
"Tom had smelled something
he hadn't smelled for months."
494
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:43,680
What was it?
495
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:47,920
"The unmistakable essence of
the woman who played on his mind
496
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,800
"every day - Scarlett Moffatt.
497
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,760
"Tom suddenly lunged at Dec.
498
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,120
"Scarlett flung herself
to Dec's defence.
499
00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:01,360
"'Tom, why ya tryin' to batter him,
man?', she shrieked.
500
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,760
"'Scarlett, he's..." Hang on.
501
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,840
IN DEEPER VOICE: "'Scarlett,
he's a master manipulator,
502
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,840
"'a tiny troublemaker,' Tom shouted.
503
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:10,880
Good.
504
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,440
"'You see, Dec tried to get me
into I'm A Celeb 2024.
505
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:18,040
"'I told him I didn't need to be
King of the Jungle
506
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,400
"'because I'd found me Queen.
507
00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,920
"'I told him I wanted to run off
with you,
508
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,360
"'that I wanted to propose
with a tortoise
509
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:29,280
"'and live off kangaroo penis
together for the rest of time.'
510
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:30,760
"'You what?!'
511
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:33,160
"Scarlett was more than
a little stunned.
512
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,840
"'You stole the love of
me life, Dec.
513
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,800
"'You already have Ant,
ya greedy bastard,' Tom scoffed."
514
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,840
MEL LAUGHS
There's no need for language
515
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,400
like that, though, is there?
516
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,560
I know they're angry but
there's nay need to
517
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,040
bring the B word into it.
518
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,160
I love the way you think
that's rude.
519
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,440
After all that we've read,
Scarlett... Yeah.
520
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,520
..that's the thing that's really
hopped out. There's just no need
521
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,720
for profanity, is there?
522
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,920
"In that moment Tom launched
himself once more at Dec
523
00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:01,360
"and they fell to the floor,
524
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,720
"a cloud of dust rising as
two heavily-muscled bodies rolled
525
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,880
"and writhed in pathological
sweat and rage.
526
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,320
"Scarlett jumped in to
tear them apart,
527
00:25:11,360 --> 00:25:15,400
"but as she did so her perfectly
manicured nail caught
528
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,680
"the edge of Dec's scarf and
pulled it loose from
529
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:20,840
"his now scruffy shoulders.
530
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,600
"'Aargh!'
531
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:24,240
BOTH: "'Aargh!',
532
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:27,360
"Tom and Scarlett both screamed
in unison, for there,
533
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:33,920
"on Dec's now exposed shoulder, was
a tiny, finger-sized Ant McPartlin."
534
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:38,200
Oh, my days.
535
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,360
I really did not see that coming.
536
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:41,720
Hiding in the scarf?
537
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,120
It makes sense now.
That's why it was his safety.
538
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,360
That's why we had the ruddy scarf
all the way through. Yeah.
539
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,240
I thought it didn't make sense.
540
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:51,640
So he's got a little... Sort of like
a Jiminy Cricket on his shoulder?
541
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:52,800
Yeah.
542
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:54,600
SQUEAKY VOICE: "Howay!", he pipped.
543
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,600
No, it'd be really quiet.
QUIETLY: "Howay!" Yeah.
544
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:57,840
Wouldn't it? "Howay."
545
00:25:57,880 --> 00:25:59,720
"Dec stood there baring all.
546
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:02,440
"'Tom's right about everything,'
Dec admitted.
547
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,000
"'I did steal his dream.'
548
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,000
"'Why is Ant on your neck, man?',
549
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,840
"Scarlett understandably
questioned."
550
00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:12,920
Yeah, that is what's on everyone's
mind here, isn't it? I mean...
551
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,240
"'Is that thing real?'
Scarlett pointed shakily to
552
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:19,560
"the miniature Ant on
the diminutive Dec.
553
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,560
"'Wey aye,' tiny Ant squealed.
554
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,880
"'He's entirely real, Scarlett,'
Dec chirped,
555
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,920
"looking fondly down at Ant.
556
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,800
"'You see, Scarlett,
the truth is
557
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:35,680
"'I could never be truly Ant-less,
and last year, in Wales,
558
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:39,600
"'when we were abducted by aliens,
we saw an opportunity
559
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:44,440
"'and agreed to be experimented on
to become one.
560
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,280
"'Now we really are inseparable.'
561
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,600
"Finally, everything made sense."
562
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:50,720
Really?
563
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,680
Well, I think now nowt
makes sense in this!
564
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,000
"Scarlett shook her head.
565
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,360
"'You should've told me.'
566
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,240
"Dec cast his eyes down to
the dusty floor,
567
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,280
"just as little Ant did the same.
568
00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:03,840
"They felt ashamed.
569
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,840
"'Won't yous still have me?',
Dec whimpered.
570
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,880
"'Have us,' pipped...
571
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:10,640
IN SQUEAKY VOICE: "'Have us!',
572
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,880
"pipped Ant. Scarlett turned to Tom,
then back to Dec.
573
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,960
"'Dec, I will always love
the memory of us,
574
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,040
"'but ever since our entanglement
in Disneyland Paris
575
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,600
"'I have longed for Tom.'"
576
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,560
I did actually go to Disneyland
Paris with Tom Hardy.
577
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,800
Oh. That's where that comes from.
Ah, did you?!
578
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,200
Yeah. Just in case you were
like, "What?!"
579
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,680
"'So I must follow me heart
and follow him.'
580
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,120
"Tom and Scarlett bounded off
into the distance through
581
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:41,640
"the dusky sunrise,
towards forever. The end."
582
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:43,440
The end.
583
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:46,960
Scarlett O'Hara Moffatt...
SCARLETT LAUGHS
584
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,840
That was so much more than
I thought it could be.
585
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,480
I feel tired now. That's been
an emotional roller-coaster, that.
586
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:57,560
Hasn't it? I need to just lie back
and think of the tartan scarf
587
00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:01,440
and what that symbolises, and
how big Ant's clothes would be
588
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,920
if he was tiny, finger-sized Ant.
589
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,800
Just little things that are
worrying me a bit.
590
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,320
Oh, she's gone to sleep. Great.
591
00:28:10,360 --> 00:28:11,880
IN HIGH VOICE: "I'm tiny Ant."
592
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,000
THEY LAUGH
593
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:15,640
"How are you, pet?"
594
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,960
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
46237
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof