Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language and adult humour

It smells like fear.

I've invited six well-known faces...

Ready?

..to my very racy book club.

Ah-ohhh...!

It is getting spicy.

Making me sweat.

Amateur writers have worked with us...

I can't read this! Wow.

I'm dressing up as a fireman?

HE HOWLS

..to create mind-blowing fantasies...

Whoever wrote this is a G!

..of love...

Ugh! Quite hot, isn't it?

..passionate liaisons...

I would never do that.

Nooooo!

..and unbridled lust.

Oh, no! There's a limit!

We've used puppets, so you don't have to use...

Viva for ever!

..your imagination.

Oh, my God!

So join me for the rudest book club in town.

I just can't accept what I'm reading.

What a story!

And that was just page one.

Sam Thompson, welcome to book club.

The thing about this book club, Sam,

is it's a story all about you that we're going to be reading.

Oh, that's terrifying.

Being invited is always so lovely.

Doesn't always happen for me,

so being invited to any sort of club feels really good.

FAO Sam Thompson, that's for you. Oh, my God, I'm about to receive...

This feels like I'm about to receive an assignment. Oh!

Right, shall we open them together? Oh, what do you think?

It smells like fear.

I need to say one thing that I haven't told you. OK?

Some of what you read today will be re-enacted...

..by puppets. Shut up. Yeah.

Let's crack in. OK, all right.

Here we go.

Oh, my God, this is jokes. OK, cool, right. Come on.

Oh, great.

"Sam Thompson off Made in Chelsea was in

"his million-pound mansion in Chelsea.

"The place had everything. It screamed luxury

"and a dash of cool, just like its owner.

"It was #lifegoals.

"This summer's day was as hot as his favourite hot Madras curry,

"so Sam was half naked.

"The bottom half."

So, penis out, basically. Pretty much, mate.

" 'Nice', he said to himself

"and there was no getting away from it,

"he was very hot and totes adorbs."

MEL LAUGHS

Totes adorbs.

Have the writers captured you here, Sam?

I really do believe they have, yeah. I do.

"He slipped his white T off, but today,

"even the sight of his glistening, oiled and sweaty torso

"couldn't make him smile." HE CACKLES

Sounds about right, to be fair.

"Every day is the same - the exhausting workload

"of two hours' filming followed by crates of champagne

"and buckets of caviar.

"When will I ever be free to be me?"

I don't even like caviar or champagne.

Do you not like champagne? No, it gives me the worst headache.

Oh, it's hangovery, isn't it? And I get really drunk.

Yeah, but that's the fun, though, isn't it?

"He flexed his muscles.

" 'Shake it off Sam', he told himself before..."

God, I'm really going for this, aren't I? I love it.

I'm emoting like you wouldn't believe. No, I love it.

I love the volume, Sam. Yeah. "Shake it off, Sam!"

"Shake it off Sam!" "He told himself, before speaking

"his daily mantra - I'm a bloody lion, raaaawr!

"His roar was interrupted by a knock-knock at his door.

" 'Special delivery!', grinned the lady postman,

"saucily handing him a brown-wrapped parcel."

We have a lady postman, she's fit!

She would be fit, because she's doing presumably a lot of rounds.

Yeah. But, like, facially as well, she's a good-looking lady.

Yeah. I love our postie as well, we've got a fantastic postie.

Man? Yeah. Ever thought about it?

Actually, no.

"He ripped open the parcel and inside was a note,

"and he recognised the scrawled swirl of letters,

"unmistakably from his leader, the King of Chelsea, Jamie Laing.

" 'Dear Samuel, please come and lead your Made In Chelsea chums in

" 'a charity topless fencing match. Oh!

" 'Polish your sword, young chap,

" 'we need to thrash these oiks on the other team.

" 'Dress code - sexy.' "

Yeah, yeah, I like that. That's actually a very Jamie letter.

Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it, is it?

He loves a dress code, yeah.

"Sam saluted his leader.

" 'OMG, this is going to be the best day ever,' he exclaimed,

"with classic Sam Thompson levels of excitement.

"Sam's mind leapt to his tousle-haired bro,

"Pete Wicks off TOWIE!" Yes, Pete!

"Aka The Essex Pirate, certain he'd want a ringside seat."

So, you and Pete, you go back...?

Four years now. Aw. Yeah.

Who do you prefer, him or Jamie?

Pete.

Pete, Pete Wicks.

Pete Wicks. The most beautiful...

Well...he's missing a tooth.

If he's standing there with a beard and greasy, long hair

and he's laughing and you can see a tooth missing, you go...

Jack Sparrow?

You go, oh, you do look a bit old.

Like, he's 34 going on 55... Not 55, no, no.

No, he's going on 34 going on like, 78 million.

And a half.

Right, now, come along now. Oh, sorry, I forgot we were on a script.

OK. Right. "Since the day the pair met,

"their relationship has been intense." Clearly.

"They were from opposite sides of the tracks but

"had become inseparable."

That's so true. Like a leech, mate, I won't let him go. Aw!

" 'Pete is the gritty chalk to my posh cheese.'

"He fired off an excitable voice-note.

" 'Buddy, I need you to watch me pork some losers.

" 'It's going to be hilarious. WhatsApp me back.' "

"It was read immediately, but oddly, there was no reply.

"Sam's smooth forehead puckered into an adorable, puppyish frown.

Aw!

I'm really good at that. That's good.

Yeah, yeah, I do it all the time.

Oh!

Adorable!

"He hopped on his electric scooter,

"nipples standing stiffly in the breeze,

"and zipped sexily off down the King's Road."

MOCK POSH ACCENT: Down the Kung's Raid? Down the Kung's Raid.

Kung's Raid!

Oh, mate, we're just going down the Kung's Raid!

Let's go down to Worlds End. We're just going...

Which is funny, cos when you speak you like that, you sometimes

look like a goat that's trying to chow down some grass.

"Sam arrived at Wembley Arena.

"Fencing had always been Sam's game but he was older now,

"nearly 30, practically ancient.

" 'What if I've lost my touch?', he whispered to hims...

WHISPERS: "What if I've lost my touch?"

Nice, lovely drama.

"Sam strolled into the changing room, with a gasp."

Gasp! Ah!

"There, standing in a cloud of steam,

"in all its rugged glory, was his best friend, Pete Wicks.

"Bare-chested in tight, white fencing breeches,

"polishing a gleaming four-foot weapon.

"Without explanation, Sam could suddenly hear

"Gary Wright's Dream Weaver as, in slow motion,

"Pete whipped his long, luxurious locks..."

# Ooh, dream weaver...

# I believe you can get me through the night... #

"..slowly tying it in a loose bun."

Oh, I love it when he puts it in a bun as well.

Oh, he can get away with it. He can get away with.

Mate, he looks really good when it's in a bun. Yeah.

He looks really good when it's... I love this story.

" 'So that's why you didn't answer my message, you're playing too!',

"Sam exclaimed excitedly.

" 'Course I am.' "

GRUFF VOICE: " 'Course I am,' growled Pete."

There he is.

"Sam laughed." HE CHUCKLES

" 'This is brilliant, Chelsea and Essex on the same side.'

"The adrenaline of the competition was stirring things,

"things so hot that Sam hadn't felt them since,

"as a young boy, he'd curled up each night with a photo of Nanny."

I did used to fancy the, ah, the...

Say the word.

"Mmm, nanny."

Nanny. Nanny. Nanny.

But you didn't call her Nanny though?

Come on, times have changed. Did you call her Nanny?

Sam, tell me you didn't call her Nanny. Did you call her Nanny?

You did.

Did she have a name, Sam? Did you know what her name was?

Nanny Karen. Nanny Karen.

You've gone quite quiet, talking about her. Yeah, I have, haven't I?

Now I'm really loud, to compensate.

Yeah, what? Me? Quiet? No.

"Pete and Sam locked eyes.

"The world around them momentarily stopped.

"It was just the two of them.

"Two hearts, two souls.

"But suddenly, Pete pushed him away.

" 'Don't you get it?!' "

Sorry.

GRUFF VOICE: "'Don't you get it?', he snarled."

This is good. " 'Me and you are rivals, not partners.' "

This is good.

" 'This match is Made in Chelsea versus The Only Way is Essex.'

"Sam gulped." Ulp.

"Could it be true? It did make sense,

"their respective clans weren't very happy about their friendship,

"but now they were turning into enemies."

Oof.

" 'B-but we're bros,' Sam stammered.

" 'The tattoo of me on your hip, it means something, doesn't it?' "

Pete has a tattoo of me on his hip, if you didn't know that.

Yeah, really. And I've got Pete there. Of course you do.

And that actually looks like Pete, to be fair,

he's got his little trilby hat on.

And I look like Michael McIntyre on his hip. Right!

OK. And the beauty of it is,

my eyes just protrude over the boxer line.

And so, like, I can see everything.

Oh, my God, you're there. At all times.

" 'I'm sorry,' he whispered, shaking his head,

" 'But we can't be friends any more.

" 'Your mate Jamie's right, Essex and Chelsea are enemies.

" 'The M25 might as well be an ocean. It's just the way it is.' "

I love that! The M25 might as well be an ocean.

" 'Yeah, of course,' Sam replied distractedly,

"trying and failing to ignore the warmth radiating off Pete's body.

" 'I can't believe we have to fight.

" 'If I'm going to lose to anyone, I'd rather lose to you.' "

Aw, sweet. It's true actually, I would.

"Pete blushed.

" 'I mean it,' Sam gasped, 'you're amazing.'

" 'All right, Sam, shut up, already,

" 'you're embarrassing me, you numpty.'

"They began laughing and swatting their arms at each other,

"like frolicking schoolgirls.

"Pete got the upper hand and managed to get a hold

"of both of Sam's wrists."

Hello.

" 'Let me go, you sexy pirate,' Sam protested.

" 'Looks like I win this time.'

"Pete flashed his pearly-white grin."

Which does have a gap at the back but we'll forget about that.

It does, it has a bit of gum in it.

"Sam stopped mock protesting and stared intensely at Pete,

"their faces only an inch apart."

This is the best novel ever!

This is great! I have dreams about this shit.

I love the way you're sitting forward now, Sam.

Yeah, I'm really into it. You're immersed. I'm into the book.

Let me carry on, please. Yes, no, please do.

If you wouldn't mind, cos I want to know where we go. Come on.

"Pete's lashes fluttered as he gave Sam a strange look.

"His grip on Sam's wrists loosened

"but Sam didn't pull away.

"He was too focused on Pete's moist, ready lips to notice."

HE SNORTS

"Sam's mouth suddenly felt incredibly dry

"but if he swiped his tongue across his own lips,

"it would inevitably brush against Pete's too."

Have you got a very big tongue, Sam? I don't know.

You'd need quite a big tongue for that to happen.

I'm not sure. Ha!

Come on, let's go on.

"Ignoring the sound of his heartbeat thudding in his ears,

"Sam slowly cupped Pete's cheek and pulled him closer,

"kissing him lightly on the yielding lips."

I'm enjoying cupped and also yielding.

Oh, my God.

Oh, wow.

"He carefully gauged Pete's reaction,

"afraid he'd taken this too far already.

"But Pete didn't push him away.

"Instead, he kissed Sam back with an experimental peck on the lips.

"The fluttering feeling in Sam's chest intensified,

"spreading rapidly south

"and pooling in his..." In his eager groin?

Again, pooling, I'm enjoying.

"They melted into each other, hand to wrist,

"mouth to mouth, body to soul, Essex to Chelsea."

Come on.

"Suddenly, there was the sound of voices approaching.

"The King of Chelsea and the Queen of Essex strode in.

"Gemma Collins and Jamie Laing."

Uh-oh.

"Sam and Pete jumped apart from each other.

" 'What are you doing fraternising with a common oik?', Jamie growled.

" 'Like he said, hon,' sneered Queen Gemma,

"digging her talons into Pete's balls like

"the ruthless metal claws of a Southend grabber machine."

That is such a good image though, isn't it?

This is high-class literature, Sam!

I'm sweating. Are you?

And it's not the heat. Are you all right?

And just to reassure Pete, by the way, this is all fictional.

Well...

..you know. Yeah?

I'm going to say, in my head, this is all very real.

" 'This isn't Chessex, all right?

" 'Essex and Chelsea don't mix. End of.' "

Good impression. " 'But wait,' Sam said innocently,

" 'if Chelsea and Essex don't mix,

" 'why did you two just come out of the same lost property cupboard?'

" 'I was just looking for a lost jockstrap.

" 'Anyway, that's not the point -

" 'you two have to choose

" 'between your friendship and your postcode.' "

It's like Romeo and Juliet.

It is, it really is. Isn't it?

But with groin licking. With groin licking.

And moisture everywhere. Exactly.

" 'You're right,' said Pete, looking at Sam, guilty.

" 'And I choose...

" '..TOWIE.' "

Pete chooses TOWIE? Pete chooses TOWIE, mate. Oh, no.

Why would he do that?

"And with that, Gemma hooked a melancholic Pete over her shoulder

"and carried him out of the changing room like a naughty schoolboy."

That's a great image. That's brilliant.

"Pete lifted his head and blew his hair out of his face,

"giving Sam one last lingering look and mouthed, 'I'm sorry.' "

"Tears pricked in Sam's puppy-dog eyes.

" 'Pete...' he cried, but the door slammed behind them.

And just like that, their friendship was over.

I can't take this. Fuck me. Fuck me.

Sam, I need...I need a break.

I don't know about you,

I can't bear the idea of you two not being friends.

Let's have some more gin and tonic and process what has just occurred.

OK. OK. It's got steamy.

It has got steamy.

We locked lips, we tonsil tennised. I know.

I know. My God.

Ooh, let's see what happens.

" 'How would you like to experience the full length of my sword?'

" 'Oh-oh-ohhh!'

" 'Traitor!' "

Chapter two. Right. Chapter two. Part two, we should say.

We are in a heavy scenario.

We're in Wembley Arena, it's a big fencing match.

Helmet to helmet. Yeah. Right.

"The cheers and jeers of the crowd in Wembley Arena

"rang through Sam Thompson's ears."

"This was topless fencing,

"and Sam's abs were on display for all to see."

Boom.

"Sam looked up at his challenger across the piste.

"Pete Wicks, a stonking hunk of love muscle."

MEL SNORTS

"Wrapped in a dark lion's mane and finished with sapphire eyes.

" 'You're a bloody lion too, remember that.

" 'A bloody lion!', Sam told himself,

"as he got himself into an en-garde position.

" 'Rawwwwr.' "

That was a bad roar then. That was a little bit high-pitched. Yeah.

Rawwwwr! Much better. Rawwwwr! Rrrrrah.

"With a shout of 'Fence!',

"the piste exploded in a whirlwind of testosterone."

" 'Those Chelsea chumps have never worked a day in their lives,'

"crowed Gemma to Pete.

" 'Show no mercy, bro,' cooed Jamie to Sam.

"Pete lunged at Sam's groin and scored.

"Dammit, even the man's fencing moves were charming."

Sorry, I don't know what... I don't know what my...

No, it's good. I like the speed. I love the speed.

I feel like the energy is up now. Yeah, it's good, man.

"Sam saw an opening, thrusting his sword arm forward

"to strike Pete's gym-honed legs.

"But he found nothing but empty air." Wow.

"Pete lunged."

"Sam tried to fight back, but he couldn't get

"the thought of that perfect kiss out of his head.

" 'For God's sake!', Sam whispered..." Oh.

WHISPERS: " 'For God's sake,' Sam whispered to himself.

" 'You are fierce. You are ferocious.

" 'Get your head in the game. Get a grip.' "

I just spat on you, I'm so sorry. No, I love that.

That flew. I think you have it on your cheek.

Is it still there? Yeah.

A bit higher. No, it's lovely, it's moisturising.

Is it still there? Lovely. Sorry.

Fuck.

Right. Back in the zone.

" 'What are you doing, you buffoon?', screamed Jamie.

" 'Hit him!'

"But Sam couldn't.

"He doubled over as Pete's blade nicked Sam's left testicle...

"..to screams of glee from his Essex henchmen."

He's just dinging my left nut.

Ha!

"The match was over. Essex had won." Whoa.

Well, just give it a sec, though, I might come back.

All right, mate. Sorry. Do I not come back? Sorry.

Do I not come back?

You might do. Don't look ahead, don't look ahead. Read on.

"Sam languished topless on the floor, defeated,

"his wounded ball throbbing in pain like a shattered disco ball..."

Noooooo!

"..lying, looking at the ceiling.

"Gemma Collins and her Essex army chanted Pete's name

"like he was a rock star."

"Pete, Pete, Pete, Pete."

"Sam supposed Pete was actually a rock star now.

"So what did that make Sam?"

A lovely, lovely individual with a gorgeous, full head of hair.

But was he a chunk of love muscle, you know?

Let's find out. Let's find out.

"In the showers, Sam didn't roar,

"he wept, the soap mingling with his tears,

"making a bittersweet shampoo of sadness."

Fuck, that's a great...

That whole sentence there is brilliant. It's great.

It's brilliant.

" 'I didn't fight hard enough, Jamie won't forgive me,

" 'I'll never be able to show my face

" 'at Toff's naked butler jamboree again.

" 'I'm basically finished.' "

Oh, Sam.

"As soon as the words had left his mouth, there was a manly grunt,

"grrr, from behind him,

"and a familiar meaty hand pulled back the shower curtain."

Not so...not so fond of meaty.

Meaty hand, yeah, like, a thick hand. A thick hand.

It's got weight to it. OK. So a trustworthy hand.

A trustworthy but, like, can grab a hold of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

"He bit his lip and turned to see Pete tightening

"the towel around his waist.

"Beneath the towel, his muscular, dark-haired thigh was visibly ripe

"and bulging as a hairy tree trunk.

"Pete brushed a tear from Sam's cheek.

" 'Don't say that, mate,' said Pete..."

Oh, I snotted! I'm so sorry.

I love that. That's great!

I love that.

" 'You were amazing out there.'

"They locked eyes.

" 'How's your ball?,' murmured Pete.

" 'It's fine,' Sam said, rubbing it and wincing.

"Pete's towel came loose, falling away,

"first revealing one gleaming buttock.

"Then it collapsed between his legs,

"settling around the sharp outline of his virile man-sword.

" 'Pete,' Sam whispered, feeling his own man-sword sw..."

The man-sword.

"Feeling his own man-sword swelling into action,

"as a perfectly formed semi."

I added that in!

Yeah, you're playing fast and loose with the writers.

" 'You said we couldn't be friends,

" 'had to remain on opposite teams.'

" 'I don't think so,' whispered Pete.

" 'In fact, I think we've been

" 'playing for the same team all along.'

" 'Yes, listen, Sam Thompson -

" 'you're probably the most annoying person in the world.

" 'You're the worst fencer and one of the weirdest guys I've ever met,

" 'and I'm not going to lie, sometimes I really don't like you,'

"said Pete."

" 'But despite all of that,

" 'I love you.'

"Before Sam could speak,

"Pete pressed a finger to his lips to silence him." I love that.

"Sam closed his eyes as Pete's other hand found

"the back of his head and guided his quivering lips towards his own.

" 'Forget fighting over our postcodes,

" 'the only thing I want to fight for is your hot body.' "

" 'En garde,' Pete whispered..." Oh.

WHISPERS: " 'En garde,' Pete whispered sexily.

"Pete reached over..." Oh, fuck me, it's getting intense now.

Come on. "Pete reached over Sam's shoulder

"and the metallic shower dial squeaked as he turned it on.

"Sam couldn't help but shiver and groan with satisfaction,

" 'Uh, uh...', as the water..." Oh, my God.

Sam! "Uh-uh..."?

HE LAUGHS

"As the water struck his cool skin like hot, wet kisses,

"and Barry White's Just The Way You Are began to inexplicably play.

# Don't go changing... #

" 'You OK?'

"Sam nodded.

"What started off as a slow, tender kiss,

"quickly grew more heated, more desperate.

"They were both gasping into this kiss now,

"exploring each other's mouths, pressing their hot,

"wet bodies against each other."

# I'll take you just the way you are... #

"Their slick members brushed against each other,

"a surge of arousal coursing through Sam's body at the sudden contact.

"A delicious moan of pleasure escaping from him. 'Uh, uh...'

"Sam ran his hands over the contours of Pete's body,

"memorising every inch of his perfect shape with his fingertips.

" 'Uh, uh...

" 'Uh...'

"Emboldened by the shivery moans Pete was making,

"Sam feasted on Pete's manhood like a hungry dog at a barbecue."

Fuck me.

Jesus Christ.

I'm reaching for the peanuts. Keep going, Sam. Oh, my God!

"Pete let out a low groan of pleasure at a sudden

"but welcome intrusion.

" 'Touche,' growled Pete..."

Sorry.

GRUFF VOICE: " 'Touche,' growled Pete,

"winking down at him, his piratey wink.

"Pete sucked a line of open-mouthed kisses down Sam's trembling body,

"relishing the gasps and breathly moans,

"and suckling the water from his nipples like a thirsty piglet."

Suckling. A thirsty piglet!

No!

Noooooo!

It's too good!

Like a...

" 'Ooh, ah...'

" 'So,' said Pete,

" 'How would you like to experience the full length of my sword?'

" 'Well, as long as it's for charity,

" 'I'd like to make a very generous donation,' grinned Sam, coyly."

Nice little bit of character stuff there, I love that.

"Pete effortless..." Oh, fuck me.

I think that's what's about to happen. Yep.

"Pete effortlessly..."

Come on.

"Pete effortlessly slid into Sam,

"sliding...!

"Sliding around the shower floor.

"First from behind..."

Come on.

"Pete effortlessly slid into Sam,

"sliding around the shower floor, first from behind,

"before turning him over so the lovers could rock face-to-face."

There's a lot of sliding going on there, isn't there?

How is that even...? Oh, my God, it's like that. Oh.

"So they could rock face-to-face."

Great. Great.

"Their howls of passion echoed around the changing rooms

"as they thrashed about in the shower

"like two wrestling seahorses."

Oh, I love a seahorse.

" 'Oh, my God, Pete,' said Sam, excitedly,

" 'This feels amazing, amazing!

" 'Wowza!'

"Sam disembarked Pete, as the intoxicated pirate engulfed

"Sam's manhood fully into..."

Are you struggling with the word manhood, Sam, or...?

No, it's the bit afterwards. It's... OK, right.

Yeah, OK, I see what you mean. I can see that.

Good luck.

"Sam disembarked Pete, and as the intoxicated pirate engulfed

"Sam's manhood fully in his throat, Sam cried,

" 'Expelliarmus!' "

Nice little Harry Potter reference there.

Oh, wow.

"Suddenly, the shower curtain was yanked aside by

"their furious clan leaders, Jamie and Gemma." Oh!

" 'Traitor!', hissed Jamie.

" 'It's bang out of order,' agreed Gemma,

"quickly taking a picture and uploading it to her Insta.

" 'Chessex won't have either of you back after this!'

" 'I don't care,' said Pete,

"his penis slowly deflating into a softie,

"like a spent hot-air balloon."

Ffffffftttt...

" 'Anyway,' Sam barked.

" 'if you're so against Essex and Chelsea people shagging,

" 'how come you're both standing there naked from the waist down?' "

Ah!

" 'Damn it, schoolboy error,' Jamie said to Gemma.

" 'OK, fine, Gemma and I have been making the sweetest music

" 'you can imagine together for months.' " Wow.

" 'She's an animal and I love it.'

" 'Grrrrr,' said Gemma to Jamie.

" 'If you keep our secret, we promise to keep yours,'

"whispered Gemma. 'No, I don't want to live a lie any more.

" 'I've got a better idea, Sam.

" 'Will you marry me?' "

Aw!

" 'I always told you I was waiting for the right person,

" 'and I realised the wanker's been sitting right in front of me

" 'all this time.'

" 'Yes,' said Sam. 'I've never wanted anything more,

" 'you big, sexy Essex pirate.'

" 'Make that a double wedding,' grinned Gemma, winking at Jamie.

"And so the four of them got married,

"and the kingdoms of Essex and Chelsea became

"the United Kingdom of Chessex,

"healing the feud between the two clans forever.

"Pete and Sam never had to hide their love again.

"Except from Zara, but that is another story.

"The end." Oh!

What a story!

I'm slightly moved by that, at the end. What a story.

The United Kingdom of Chessex.

Isn't that beautiful? I jizzed in Pete's mouth.

Ha. You can have the novel.

Can I? You can read it to your heart's content. OK, great.

I'm going read this to Pete.

Maybe...maybe don't read it to Zara.

Come on, Sam, put it there.

So good to see you. Thanks so much for having me.

Now, you be safe out there. OK, thank you.

I know what it's like on the Kung's Raid.

I know, it's intense. Very.

How do I go into normal life now?

I don't... It's going to be weird, matey.

Oh! Oh, he slipped.

Fucking hell.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media