Original subtitles

Charlie, babe, I think you need to drop this.

Drop what? I'm just trying to clear up the misinformation about the hotel.

There is no point. Those fuckers work for Vox.

Katie Killjoy is just gonna do the same thing that Vees did.

Don't feed into this crap.

Just stay with me today. And the guests, also the guests.

I know, but I feel like if I explain myself on live television,

then they won't be able to edit it like that video!

You know I did not strike Velvette with an open fist.

I'm aware.

So... just keep holding down the fort... you're doing great by the way...

until Niffty and I get back.

Niffty?

Hi.

Okay. Have fun. Love you. Bye.

Bye!

Fucking dickhead.

Oh!

Look who it is interrupting this riveting conversation I was having with...

-who are you again? -Uh, Angel Dust.

Angel Dust! I knew that.

-You're funny. -What?

You're still here?

Someone has to actually help out around here, Mr. Useless.

What do you actually do here?

I told you, I'm the host of the hotel.

Huh, I thought that was, uh, I thought that was Charlie's girlfriend's job,

because she, my friend, is on it with running this whole hotel...

thing.

So you're doing a poor job at that.

Oh, and I hear you got your ass kicked and ran away

when Charlie needed you most.

It's a sure good thing I showed up.

Am I right?

-This guy knows. -What?

You...

should use a coaster.

That's it! Fuck this, I quit.

That's it, Bambi, walk away.

You...

You should've moved in sooner.

Coming up, on Katie Killjoy Tonight,

an exclusive interview with Hell's not-so-favorite nepo baby

Charlie Morningstar,

only on 666 news.

You don't want to miss this.

All right, people, we're on in five.

All right, Niffty,

we got this, right?

I mean, all I got to do is talk from the heart, for the people.

Set the record straight.

Real straight.

Explain what really happened.

-Real straight! -Right. You got the cards ready?

-Perfect. -Is that the princess?

Didn't learn your lesson yesterday?

What you guys put out yesterday was heavily fucked... with.

So I'm here to set the record straight

with my own words that you can't fuck with.

Sure, sweetie.

-Katie! You know what to do. -Ho-ho, right.

It's nice to meet you, Miss Morningstar.

It is Miss, right? 'Cause we all know queers can't get married.

What?

Well, let's not waste any more time, dear.

Come on. You still need to get camera ready.

I am camera ready.

Oh, sweetheart... yuck.

Wow, that's bright.

Welcome back to me. I'm here with Charlie Morningstar,

homosexual daughter of our big old devil daddy

and founder of the Hazbin Hotel...

...which is starting to live up to the name, wouldn't you say?

I would.

Firstly, I'm bi,

but thanks, Katie.

You know, the name was kind of a funny story actually...

-Phenomenal. So tell us, Chazzie... -It's Charlie.

You're here to set the record straight about your hotel, yes?

What exactly is there to tell us?

I'd say we already saw everything in last week's hit docuseries

Hazbin Hotel, Behind Closed Doors,

available now on VoxTek video.

Well, as you know, Vox paid a visit to our hotel recently, yes,

and he lied about everything that...

Whoa, duh-duh, lied?

I'd say that's a pretty intense accusation, don't you think?

Well, he, um... misrepresented things, so...

Oh! Using fancy words now.

-He bent the truth! -I wish he'd bend me.

Right in half, you know what I'm saying?

-Tom, laugh! -Oh! Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, no...

Knock-knock, Rosie my dear, Alastor's here.

Oh! Alastor. Don't you know it's rude to show up on a lady unannounced?

I have nothing prepared.

Oh, please, no need to gussy up for little old me now.

I just dropped in to tell you the great news.

Oh, great news? That's always exciting for me to hear.

By all means, tell me.

I'm sure you know all about Charlie's little hotel

and how I've been "helping out."

Of course I do.

Yes, well... I just quit.

You what?

You see, I've been there about a year or so,

and after all of the pointless singing and crying...

I'm afraid I see no further reason for my presence there.

We really aren't getting any closer to...

Ah, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup.

Alastor, sweetie, pumpkin.

I'm afraid that isn't up to you, is it?

See, I thought that, too, but I also thought our little deal meant

that I was the strongest sinner in all of Hell.

Yet here I am with the scars

and a busted-up staff that proves otherwise.

Oh, come on now, Alastor.

You really thought being the most powerful sinner,

which you are, meant you could take on an archangel?

You're still as cute and stubborn as the day we met.

Don't remind me.

Oh, but I will.

You were a handsome young man,

such a charmer.

And quite the gentleman, if I recall.

Hustling yourself and dazzling those yuppy producers.

Overcoming so much to be the star of your own radio show.

The toast of New Orleans.

But you were a bit naughty...

weren't you?

Oh!

I'll always be impressed with how prepared you were for all this while still human.

I can't imagine how many rituals it took to get through to the other side,

but when I heard your voice...

I just knew.

I knew you were the one.

Tu es prêt à manger...

I call on you, voices of the afterlife.

I wish to make a deal with you.

Why have you called me here, human?

To curse? To give?

-To learn? -Allow me to cut to the chase.

I know what awaits a man like me after death.

But I do not want to exist in Hell, a tortured soul.

I want to secure myself, amongst the highest demons.

I want to continue my fun!

Wow. That's a new one.

I must say, a soul like yours is unlike any I've seen.

I can grant you power,

power beyond what your mortal mind can imagine.

The most powerful sinner in Hell, but...

you must do something for me,

and until you complete this task, your soul will be mine.

It's a deal.

It's pretty funny that the next day,

you died in the most hilarious way possible.

Mistaken for a deer and shot while hiding a body.

I mean, just perfect.

So anticlimactic.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Oh, hilarious.

Ah. Ah. Ah-ha-ha!

Look, you can toy around with me

all you want, but I've been running all over Hell

on some fruitless crusade for years, playing nice at a stupid hotel

because you promised me power, and now I'm lacking, so you better...

♪ Sounds like you really could do ♪

♪ with a little reminder of who you're talking to ♪

♪ An honest woman always there to lend an ear ♪

♪ I dealt with you fairly, been patient it's true ♪

♪ But remember, "my deer," you're in my zoo ♪

♪ Don't you forget ♪

♪ You are my pet ♪

♪ I say when to sit and stay, roll over or go fetch ♪

♪ Don't you forget ♪

♪ There's no way out ♪

♪ You're a debtor till the day you settle your account ♪

♪ I've served you faithfully for an age ♪

♪ obeyed demands, contained my rage ♪

♪ went off the air for years on your behalf ♪

♪ I know, and you're so kind ♪

♪ And since you made me disappear ♪

♪ my name inspires much less fear ♪

♪ The least that you can do is fix my staff ♪

In due time.

Sing along, dear, you know the words.

-Oh. -♪ Don't you forget ♪

♪ I won't forget ♪

♪ You are my pet ♪

♪ Yours since we met ♪

♪ I say when to sit and stay ♪

♪ play ball or just play dead ♪

♪ Don't you forget ♪

♪ I'm in your net ♪

-♪ The coop can't be flown ♪ -♪ At least not yet ♪

♪ The moves you make are mine and mine alone ♪

♪ Looks like you'll have to do this on your own ♪♪

Fine.

Oh, calling me her pet.

I'm not your pet, you lousy...

I'll show her.

Oh, she'll see.

Think. Think. Come on, Alastor.

Come on.

There must be a way.

Oh.

Oh, that's clever.

Hmm.

I can fix my own problems.

So basically, what you're trying to tell us is

that an angel told you your silly little snake friend was alive.

The same angels

that made it their whole "thing" for seven years to kill

as many of us as possible?

And you just expect us to believe all that?

Yes! Well, I mean, yes, they don't want to hurt us anymore.

Now that Sir Pentious is redeemed, I'm sure they are going to help us, so...

Oh, you're sure, are you? You're so sure?

Because I'm sure that Vox reported on how you had no evidence at all,

and that you just put your guests in danger for fun.

Well, sure, but see, he made it look that way.

If you take something out of context, you can make someone say anything.

It feels like he was just waiting for me to say something awful, like that

"I think sinners deserved the extermination

"because they're bad people."

But I would never actually say that.

Oh! Did you get that?

Breaking news. Charlie Morningstar claims

that sinners deserved to be exterminated in shocking new statement.

No. No. That is not...

Like... What?! Stop.

That is not what I said. It was just an example.

Not like I meant it, you know? Please stop

quoting everything I'm saying. It is distracting me.

What?! Don't compare me to Hitler!

How are you even typing this fast?!

I am so getting that fucking bonus.

Now, Charles, do you have anything else

you'd like to clarify about your Hashbrown Motel?

I... Um, uh, y... you know.

N-Niffty.

Here. Come up here and tell us all about how amazing the Hazbin Hotel is.

Just tell them! Uh...

Uh… Uh... Oh, shit.

The camera thing. Uh...

Oh! Hey, Niffty, guess what?

That is not a camera. It's a roach.

That's a big roach.

Yeah. Tell the big roach about how much you like the hotel.

♪ There's an endless stream of trash and filth and hundreds of bugs ♪

♪ If you love the stench of jizz, wait till you smell our rugs ♪

♪ 'cause people barf and piss and cum on them a ton ♪

♪ And when they do, I get to go and clean it up ♪

-What? -♪ Hypodermic needles ♪

♪ left all over the place ♪

♪ And our rats have grown immune to being sprayed by mace ♪

♪ So I got to take my knife and stab 'em all in the face ♪

♪ And now they treat me like their queen because I'm covered in rat blood ♪

-♪ Niffty, no ♪ -♪ Magical land ♪

♪ hotel of my dreams ♪

♪ disgustingest, ugliest building that I've ever seen ♪

♪ And I get to clean it up ♪♪

-Niffty, what are you doing? -Helping!

-Can you help differently? -Okay.

Um...

Can anyone understand this?!

Why?!

Yes.

♪ And that's why the hotel is good ♪♪

Right? Yay.

I know you're watching.

Come on out.

No need to be shy, Vox.

Alastor.

For what do I owe the displeasure?

Did I strike a nerve?

Finally ready to plead with me to stop shitting on your precious hotel?

Frankly, I'm bored of hearing your incessant slander.

It's not even clever.

This ends now.

Ugh. Voxxy, you can't get all up in this and then zip out like that.

I thought you liked it when I...

TMI, Val. Now who are we killing? And can I film it?

No, no, dear, I don't think Vox would want the public

to see me put him in his place a second time.

Fuck you, Twink!

What's wrong, old man?

Getting your ass beat by Adam fuck you harder than you thought?

Hiyah! Oh!

What's the matter, bitch? Can't get it up?

Daddy's home.

Oh, dear, does that hurt?

Hey! Fuck!

Damn. It's gonna take a lot more to fix that hairdo.

Hey, my little puppets, I'm putting up a poll.

Vote "yes" or "no" if you want me to absolutely obliterate this guy.

Come on out.

Are you fucking kidding me?

-You are very rude. -Look at you go.

-Yada, yada, yada. -This has all been a whole setup,

and once more, you are very homophobic, Ms. Killjoy, and I do not like you.

I'm not homophobic.

-I just hate gay people. -This has been the worst

-fucking interview of my entire life. -So sue me.

Alastor's in trouble!

Hey, have you ever heard of a blob fish?

A... what?

Check this out.

How cute is that?

Why are you like this?

Look, Angel, I...

Oh, hey, Niff. What the fuck?!

Huh?

A lot of weird shit happens here.

Found you!

Someone should really put this thing out of its misery.

We're here, Alastor!

Husk, go!

What the...?!

The fuck is this about, Alastor?

You still fighting these nobodies?

My hair!

I'm gonna kill you!

Look, lady, I didn't mean to... Oh, shit.

Hey, bad boy.

You again?!

-Ow! Fuck! -Oh!

Looks like it's me and you again. Ready to lose?

Not this time.

Geez.

Calm down, bitch.

This outfit is worth ten of you.

Put a shirt on, you mangey stray.

-Hmm. -Oh, not there.

-Oh. -Ow!

Oh. No.

Ow! Aah!

Gun.

Wait. Call off your goons.

I have a proposition for you.

Excuse me?

Now or never.

Val, hang on.

We keep going back and forth,

and it's growing really tiresome, uh, quite boring actually,

and it's making it harder for me to do what I have to do.

Yeah, of course, you're trying to talk your way out of this.

Get to the fucking point!

How about… we make a little deal?

I'll join your propaganda parade and be your little prisoner?

All I ask for in exchange is, ooh,

two, tiny, itty bitty conditions.

The fuck is he doing?

What conditions?

Let these irrelevant little nobodies run along home,

but more importantly, you're not to lay your hands

on Charlie Morningstar.

Wait. That's it?

That's it. Pretty enticing, isn't it?

Think of the headlines.

That's-that's...

It's a deal.

Yes!

I fucking did it! Ha-ha-ha!

Holy fuck. Everyone out. Look who I have.

Velvette. Cameras.

All right, you heard him, people. Everyone out.

Move your asses.

Alastor, what happened? What's going on?

-Wait! Wait! Alastor! -Move, bitch!

-Move. -Ugh! Oh, stop pushing me!

-Bitch, move. -Alastor.

Ugh. Wait. Let me back in. I am the princess of Hell!

What the actual fuck is happening?!

Oh! No. No, thank you. No, yeah.

Thank you. I-I... I won.

You like...? I know I... I know I won.

I like winning.

And let me be the one to tell the world

that Alastor does not have a tail.

Oh, that's gonna piss some people off.

One... smoothie, please.

Oh!

Oh! Ah!

Today was perfect.

Right, Val?

Uh-huh, sure, babe.

Hmm? And what-what do you think, Alastor?

Oh, why the long face?

Mm-hmm. Mm.

Isn't this nice?

Look at all this.

I know you feel it, too.

And to think you could have had this all and without the public humiliation.

Yeah, this calls for a celebration.

Hmm, yes, not like you haven't been doing that all day.

Whiskey? Gin? I could call up and get you a Sazerac?

You know I've waited for this moment for almost 70 years.

I'm curious.

What makes the princess and her crappy little hotel so great

that the Radio Demon gives up what little dignity he had left to help out with it?

Or how a guy from the '30s landed in Hell and somehow

became one of the most powerful overlords?

Tell me how.

Mm, nope. Our deal is for me to be your captive.

I don't have to tell you anything.

Seriously? You usually love to run your mouth.

But I guess being a brat is kind of your thing, isn't it?

You'd be nothing without those two.

-Excuse me? -You really haven't changed, have you?

Still so reliant on all those around you.

Always seeking someone to put up with your incessant...

You know, I think I prefer the silence.

What?

Don't want to be reminded of how desperate you were for attention?

Back then, you and I were as close to equals as I'd imagined down here.

You had your decent ideas, you were growing your power,

and it was almost impressive.

And I respected you.

And then you went and ruined it.

I thought you found me, what was it? Inspiring?

You're inspiring, really.

And when you think about it,

modern entertainment actually started with radio.

-Ah. -Ah, am I boring you with my compliments?

Perhaps.

Well, look, I'll just get to the point.

We've been close for a few years now, right?

I mean, people know us, they love us.

And with new overlords popping up every day.

And before you hit me with a, "Well, you're pretty new yourself,"

I know, okay, but I'm much more forward-thinking,

so it's in your best interest to hear me out.

I'm listening, pal. Barkeep, another whiskey.

So, I've been thinking, Alastor,

with your incredible power and my massive influence,

we would be unstoppable.

Radio and video.

Me and you... we could rule Hell, together, as partners.

Oh, that's... Oh, you're serious?

Come now, Vox.

I knew you could be pathetic at times, but I didn't realize you were so weak.

What?

Oh, fuck.

You need me to join your team.

And here I thought you might actually be approaching my level,

but asking for assistance?

A partnership?

-I am quite disappointed in you. -I...

I just thought, you know, since we were friends...

Friends?! There are no friends

in Hell, Vincent. I thought that was something you understood.

How embarrassing.

Oh, the tantrum you threw after... now that was entertainment.

I did really have to put you in your place, didn't I? Ah.

And now you finally have me,

but you still rely on others for your power, like always.

♪ You think your little mockery ♪

♪ is gonna make me cry? ♪

♪ That I'm bawling 'bout the past that could have been? ♪

♪ Look around ya, Al ♪

♪ I've been scheming this whole time ♪

♪ I got a team, I got a dream ♪

♪ and all I'm gonna do is win ♪

♪ You're in my house with my rules ♪

♪ in my room with my tools ♪

♪ And worse, you're at my mercy, cursed to watch me take it all ♪

♪ You've gone ass up, you're deep fried ♪

♪ Your last luck has run dry ♪

♪ At last your check has cashed, I'd laugh at how you look so small ♪

♪ Don't you forget ♪

♪ You're on my string ♪

♪ You can try to squirm and struggle and it wouldn't do a thing ♪

-♪ Don't you forget ♪ -You're so obsessed with me.

♪ I knew you'd need me here to be your unwilling audience ♪

♪ when you lose your marbles in act three ♪

♪ You're huffing glue if you think I won't end this tale a ruler ♪

♪ I'm just like you except I'm smarter, sharper, brighter, newer ♪

♪ So I'll keep your smug ass alive ♪

-To show me you're not a loser? -Do you ever shut up?

-♪ Don't you forget ♪ -Oh, here he goes.

-♪ You ain't won yet ♪ -Ooh, I'm scared.

-♪ You still need me like you did before ♪ -So cute you think I care.

♪ Now I'm the master and you're my bottomest bitch ♪

♪ No more Al, the high and mighty now that I flipped the switch ♪

♪ Though the radio's gone dead you know the show must go on ♪

♪ By the time I've had my fun ♪

♪ you'll wish that you had stayed gone ♪♪

Hey, you two should just fuck already.

What? Am I wrong?

And can I film it?