Original subtitles

Oh,

I said look, honey.

I want to see my wife. I can't eat. I can't sleep.

The first maneuver is gentle downward traction on the affected side.

Uh...

It must be in there someplace. Pierce. P -I -E -R -C -E.

Initials E -N. Dr. Laughlin.

Ah, the elusive Dr.

Kildare. Where have you been?

Well, I had to get this... Never mind.

How about the leukocyte count, please? Oh, yes, sir.

I knew it.

Gram stain?

Negative.

BMR on the patient in 416.

No BMR?

Now, why not, may I ask?

At the risk of seeming facetious, I'd like to remind you, Doctor, that I have

only two arms and two legs.

On my service, an insufficient number of appendages is no excuse. Dr. Laughlin,

I can't... Dr. Kildare, this is your last day on my service, isn't it?

My last three hours and 47 minutes. I thought so. You have that last day look

your eye.

But let me remind you of something.

It never pays an intern to tell off a resident. Never.

Not even on the last day.

Now, you have something to say? As a matter of fact, I... Never mind. I'll

you the trouble.

I'm worried that all the interns call my service a penal colony.

I'm sure you're thinking that I am an egotistical, dictatorial, sardonic,

sadistic, pig -headed tyrant, right?

That's exactly... Don't apologize.

I am.

Orthopedic. Nevertheless, I expect every one of you children to run the four

-minute mile, right?

If you don't, you'll answer to me. Dr.

Goldfarb. Tell him I'll be right there. Dr. Goldfarb, you'll be right there. I'm

doing the balance of your career, Doctor.

You may save a number of lives because you have learned that you're capable of

doing far more than any sane person could possibly expect of you.

Doctor, don't bother to thank me.

I'll be in 506.

Yes, Doctor.

Oh, by the way, Dr. Kildare, how many pounds have you lost on this service?

Seven.

Average.

Doctor, he has a CPC with gold, Pop. He wants you to finish his rounds.

What's left?

Ward D.

Oh, no.

Damocles had a sword hanging over his head. We have Ward D.

Tell pathology to rush this, please. Yes, doctor.

Miss Novotny.

Dr. Kildare wants this taken down to pathology. Rush.

I'd love to.

What?

He's so... so dedicated.

What?

She's so dedicated.

Huh?

Nothing. What are you doing down here? You don't report for this service until

tomorrow.

Things are slow in ENT. I thought I'd look around here and see what I was

getting into.

That's what Hansel and Gretel said as they crawled into the oven.

I wish you had more time, gentlemen. We have a most unusual case.

Albright syndrome with multiple fractures.

Just be the more.

Dr. Kildare.

Yes, sir?

Are we maintaining a hospital or a damp? No, sir. I mean a hospital. Then I

suggest you do something about that radio. And I further suggest that you do

within two or three seconds. Yes, sir.

What's the idea of breaking the kids' radio?

I'm sorry, I'll have it fixed.

Oh, no you don't.

Mr. Herring, there's a hospital rule against having your own radio. For a

good reason, it does disturb the other patients.

Oh, all right.

Well, let's get these others fixed, huh?

They're all frozen up, like there's nothing.

Nothing but static.

What'd you do, move an x -ray machine over us? The electrician has been

they'll be fixed.

Yeah, like when?

Tombsville, man.

If we all die of boredom, it's going to be a black mark on your record. Suppose

we concentrate on getting you well enough to go home. Then you can listen

your radio all you want.

What about my test?

I got to get back to work.

Mr. McAllister, if you'll just go back to your bed and wait, I'll proceed on my

rounds as usual.

Well, what's got into him?

Morning, Mr. Kelsey. How do you feel today?

Hip flexion 35 and 40, extension 3 and 7.

5 and 7.

Oh, 5 and 7. It looks like a 3.

No muscle cramps?

No fibular twitching?

You're coming along much better than we expected.

Look, do we have to talk about it?

I know your friend.

The doctors kept telling her she was getting better and better and better and

better until she had convulsions and passed away.

However, that is not the case with you.

Well, let's not talk about it anyway.

Well, that rash any better? Let me see.

We can't do much about it until you let her shave your under chin.

Not a chance, Dad.

I'll ask a nurse to try a new ointment.

Hot. Water.

Can't we have some ice cubes in this pad, Dad? I mean, you know, like maybe

there's a rule.

A hospital can't have cold water. All us stupid idiots.

Watch out. You're dripping on the bed.

Hey, where are you going?

I'm supposed to get the results of my test this morning.

I'm tired. Sure, I'm irritable. But I still don't see why consideration for

patient can't work both ways. I'm talking about the non -critical cases.

course, the ones that aren't in pain. But let me ask you this. Did they slave

through eight years at the university to learn how to become patients?

No. Do they work 16, 18, 20 hours a day for a measly 60 bucks a month for the

privilege of being patients?

Ha! No.

I bet you think I'm suffering from combat fatigue, don't you? Oh, me? Well,

me tell you something. When I get a little rattled and confused, that's when

do my best thinking.

I've got a thrombosis. Look, I don't have any time for jokes.

Jokes? Listen to this.

The blocking of the main artery is indicated by... I know the symptoms.

Well, that's what I had this morning. He told me so at the time.

You mean you had a mild cramp?

Your leg felt numb? Right, that's right. Your muscles seemed slightly

unresponsive? Exactly. Then you got up, moved around, got your circulation

working, and all your symptoms disappeared.

You completely forgot about your thrombosis until Mr. Kelsey found that

paragraph in his little wonder book of medicine, right?

Mr. Kelsey, you'd do us all a great favor if you'd leave the doctoring to

qualified physicians.

Well, hello, doctor.

It's about time.

I was supposed to hear about... About your tests. Yeah. So you've been buzzing

the nurses every half hour.

I wanted to find out. The lab reports are due up here sometime today. Until

arrive, neither the nurses nor myself can tell you anything about your tests.

You can call to find out. I understand your concern, but you'll just have to

wait. I'm sorry.

Myths.

Who closed this curtain?

Try to move your toes.

Why didn't you tell me Gillespie was here? What about the new admission?

he's a 40 -year -old male Caucasian.

Good morning, Dr. Gillespie. Another contradictory in some respects, isn't

Yes, sir. Almost impossible to determine whether... Unless... Unless?

No.

Are you especially interested in this case?

Well, as a matter of fact, sir... Dr.

Gillespie, I am terribly sorry, but I got held up with Dr.

Coulthard. That's perfectly all right, doctor.

Dr. Kildare, haven't you finished the rounds yet? Dr.

Gillespie and I were just discussing... He promised to run a BMR for me,

preferably before the patient was cured.

Do you mind, sir?

Certainly not. Do you?

I thought not.

doctor. Hi.

Mr. Bartley, how would you like to join me tonight at Max for a few rounds of

cheer?

I thought you were too busy to think of girls. Well, I have been, but at the end

of the shift.

Well, that's what we're going to celebrate.

BMR, doctor.

BMR.

About eight, then?

Eight.

Doctor, Dr. Laughlin!

He'll die?

Well? Confirmed tentative diagnosis, grade one spondylolisthesis.

Good. Nothing to sweat about.

No, but I'm leaving him in traction 48 hours just for insurance.

Oh, Dr. Gillespie.

Miss Whitney tells me he wants a private room.

Nonsense. He didn't object when we put him in the ward.

He was still unconscious?

That's right, he was.

Sometimes it's difficult to tell with interns.

Come on, he's an M .D., isn't he? He won't learn much tucked away in a room

himself. Leave him where he is. If he makes any trouble, don't take it up with

me.

I just want to see my x -rays.

Are you implying that I can't properly diagnose a simple dislocation? No, but

I'd just like to see my x -rays. You will, Kildare, you will. It just so

I don't carry a portfolio of prize -winning x -rays around with me. Well,

it's just a dislocation, why the traction?

Because I don't want any pressure on that vertebra for a while.

Besides, you need the rest.

Ha!

Take a look at that.

You know, that's disgusting for a doctor.

You know, you've been working too hard.

Haven't been getting enough relaxation.

Remember, Kildare, the human body is not indestructible.

I have that BMR, doctor. In a minute, doctor. In a minute.

That's very pretty.

Listen,

have you seen my x -rays?

No.

What are you doing on the service?

Laughlin saw me standing around, so he called Golmere. They got me transferred

down here a day early.

I don't mind, though. You know, I kind of like it.

Dr. Gerson, are you assisting me or are you not?

Well,

getting a little taste of your own medicine, huh?

Aha!

One of the interesting aspects of your case is the possibility of total

paralysis.

Listen to this.

dislocations of the spine are more to be feared than fractures.

I hope I didn't dent your dressing cards.

I've got a two -bedroom utilities included here that rents for $180.

Three of you interns... I told you twice.

I can't afford to live away from the hospital.

Well, approach it from this angle. Look, this is a hospital, not a realtor's

office. Now quit pestering me.

Hey, who'll do me a favor?

Scratch my foot?

Come on, somebody.

Really itches, huh?

Right here?

Yeah, yeah, right there.

Ah.

Nasty case.

Nasty. Hey.

Hey.

Did you want something?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Would you scratch my left foot?

What? Well, I can't reach it. It itches.

You called me in here to scratch your foot?

Okay, skip it. Skip it. Forget it.

Oh, we're just a little down.

I ask, are you doing?

Scratching his foot.

It figures.

Well, well, well.

It's the sleeping beauty.

Capish. Have you by any chance seen my x -rays?

And that skull series?

Spinal. Nope, nope, sorry.

Now, if you were having your gallbladder out... Hey, I wouldn't sit around here

in whites if I were you. Why not?

Well... You, doctor, what's your name?

Capish. Would you give me a hand, please? Oh, no, actually, you see, I'm

duty.

Yes, and this isn't my service.

I see.

Get out of here.

Doctors. What do they know?

Take that, what's his name, Dr.

Kildare? Didn't you say he was being demoted today or something?

That's Dr. Kildare.

Dr.

Kildare, am I glad to see you. My husband told me all about you, and I

ask you something.

You see, I have these terrible, terrible pains that start here, and they go all

the way around the back.

They're ghastly. They're simply ghastly.

You don't think there'll be indigestion? I've had that before.

Oh, I doubt it. It's not high blood pressure or anything like that. You

think it's serious?

Now, why couldn't you remember a little thing like my briefcase?

Is business so good I can forget about it?

I've got to know what's going on. I've got to keep up with the latest listings.

I'm sorry.

It's just that I'm so worried.

I'm the one that should be in the hospital, not him. Well, anyway, I came

from the movie, and I heard this sound, and I jumped up.

Then the pain went all the way down my leg.

You don't think it could be sciatica or any of those?

Possibly. Well, you don't look very well yourself, and I suppose I shouldn't be

taking up your time, but these pains, they scare me to death.

My own doctor, simply. He

doesn't understand me, so I wondered if maybe you could... Mrs. Kelsey, I would

be glad to give you a complete examination.

Now, if you'll just disrobe.

Did you hear what that man said to me?

Mm -hmm.

Holy smoke, I forgot.

Tunesville.

Dodgers and Giants playing a double hitter. Ooh, who's winning?

Your transistor?

Thank you. Some square broke the volume control.

You'll never make it, man.

I tried everything.

The game isn't over yet. They're still alive. Down three runs. Five to two. But

a runner on with one away.

All right.

Pitcher has the sign.

Here comes the pitch.

A little dribbler up the middle, right through the pitcher's legs, out in the

center field for a face hit. The center fielder retrieves the ball, throws back

into second, and the runner holds on there.

So we have runners at first and second, one away, down five to two. The bottom

half on ninth inning, and the tying run comes to the plate.

All right.

Steps in there, bats left.

Here comes the pitch.

We have a disc surgery case locked in the dunk.

Excuse me.

What do you got there?

What's the big secret?

Good morning, Doctor.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Oh, Doctor, would you come here a minute, please?

We would like you to sign this, if you would.

What is it?

That's very funny.

Sure, I'll sign it.

Well, what is it? Maybe I'll sign it too.

It's a petition.

To the administrator of Blair General Hospital.

Reference the removal of an undesirable object from Ward D, 6th floor,

orthopedic service, this institution.

We, the undersigned, being of sound minds and sound dispositions,

petition that the above -mentioned undesirable object... Said object being

James Kildare. Oh, for crying out loud.

Be removed and possibly destroyed for the following reasons.

One, said object has a foul disposition that conflicts with the normally

congenial atmosphere of this ward.

Two, said object breaks radios. Three, plays radios too loud. Four,

is responsible for water logging radios. And five, snores even louder than he

plays the radio.

Man, you should hear him.

Stereophonic. Yeah.

Well, I'm... I'm not used to sleeping on my back.

Uh, Mr. McAllister, if we had any place else to put him, any place at all, we'd

move him.

How primitive can you get?

I mean, like you're even further behind the times than I am.

Want to try it? Mm -mm.

See, what would it take to get you to shave that bush off?

Hmm.

Something symbolic, man.

Something that got me right here.

Like maybe...

The end of the world, you know?

Listen,

you'll probably want to keep this.

Here's something for your breakfast tray. Oh, thanks.

Dr. Gerson, Miss Whitney sent me down.

Oh, yes. Prep Mr. Stedman and give the pre -op medication.

Oh, my.

We aren't eating our breakfast this morning, are we?

Tom, my x -rays. Laughlin said I could see them. I'll take care of it the first

free minute I get.

Oh, Tom, what's the history on Steadman?

He has a major obstruction in the spinal cord, associated loss of response in

the peripheral nerves, and a long symptomatic history.

Who's handling it?

Bundage Farewell's assisting.

What does Bundage think?

Hey, I don't suppose you've seen my x -rays?

Oh, I plump forgot.

Dr. Laughlin asked me to drop these off when I came by.

What's the matter with you?

According to this, I am a middle -aged woman suffering from arthritis.

That's too bad.

There's no rushes there.

I'd like to talk to Kildare.

Kildare, wait a minute.

Don.

Look, I'm kind of a long way from home, you see, and I don't exactly

know anybody here.

Not even this guy that's going to work me over, so I mean...

If anything goes wrong up there, could you maybe write a letter?

Something personal, kind of.

Well, wouldn't you rather someone else?

Stu, maybe? Oh, no.

I figure this is your business.

You know exactly what to say.

Well, sure, sure.

If I had to, I won't have to.

Well, I'm figuring that way too, but...

Say, Doc, just how dangerous is this operation anyhow?

Well, they can't tell until they know the extent of the obstruction.

But Dr.

Bundage is the best in the business.

Yeah, I hope so.

That Stedman's okay, you know.

I mean, he's a real person, no phony baloney.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Well, time to retreat.

What's the rush?

They got me pegged for a massage about now.

But if I miss the roll call, sometimes they forget.

Well, what do you got against massages?

Man, I just can't acclimate myself to some muscle -bound chick rubbing my

Don't be ridiculous. This is a hospital.

Uh -oh. Too late. Good morning, doctor.

Morning. Doctor, I have some students here who have had no experience with a

patient in leg traction.

Do you mind?

Oh, no. Go right ahead.

All right, girl.

Surround the bed.

Now, you will watch Miss Novotny, but you will listen to me.

There are a number of special problems involved in giving a patient in leg

traction a sponge bath.

A what? As in all patient bathing, a primary concern is modesty. If one of

will draw the curtain. Oh, no.

Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. It's just routine.

Mrs. Whitney, I'm... We're ready, Miss Novotny.

Miss Novotny.

Miss Novotny.

Oh.

Doctor.

You wait here.

Doctor Laughlin.

Hey, Tom.

When is he going to cut me out of this harness?

Shut up. Will you not now?

Mr. McAllister?

Well, we received the pathologist's report on your biopsy.

Yeah.

The leg will have to come off.

I'm sorry.

I expected as much, didn't I?

Business hasn't been so good.

I mean, Dad, I can't afford to be laid up.

Somehow, it's going to turn out all right.

Believe me, it's going to turn out all right.

You going to recheck that laminate?

And that is a bitter pill.

Kind of explains his high -pressure selling, doesn't it?

I don't like the way things are shaping up around here.

Now, Stedman, he should have been out by now, shouldn't he?

Not necessarily.

Don't worry about it.

We had a good day today, didn't we? Do you mind if we don't discuss...

Isn't Stedman back yet?

He should be back by now.

What do you mean?

My book says that kind of operation should take about two hours. Come along

Would you let me alone?

Listen, Stu, there's nothing to worry about.

He's probably in R .R. right now.

What's that?

A surgery recovery room.

You should know.

Huh?

Does Bedman back yet?

Hey, Tom?

Tom? Have you heard anything about Stedman?

No. Can you find out for us? I can't. I'm swamped. I'm sorry, Jack.

You should be able to find out. I can't even talk to these blasted doctors.

Miss Novotny.

Miss Novotny, would you call upstairs for us? Check on Stedman?

They don't like it if they're busy.

Please.

I'll see what I can do.

Mr. Motley, would you come here a minute?

For psychological reasons, the hospital staff will not normally discuss a

deceased patient in the presence of other patients, even to the point of

deliberately evasive.

Well, let's not jump to conclusions. We don't know what's happening.

Nurses will make up the bed and remove the personal belongings as unobtrusively

as possible, making it appear to be nothing more than normal hospital

I'll marry a girl who's smarter than he is. But he's so dumb.

Well, she's not so smart either. She wouldn't act so blame intelligent.

Well, I don't know.

What would she expect?

I'm going to marry a girl who's smarter than he is. But he's so dumb.

Well, she's not so smart either. She's as funny as Jason.

And Jason loves to wear these sports shirts.

I just didn't have anything to say. Oh really?

I'm the girl.

Oh, for Pete's sake, Mac, hi.

So this is where you guys work. Funny thing, you know, I've never been in a

hospital. That comes from drinking the right kind of, uh, foods.

Flowers, what's the idea?

Do you think I'd leave my bar to bring a friend flowers?

Just some beer.

to friendship, to eternal undying friendship.

Cheerio, amigo.

What's that?

Flower water. Chicken soup, chicken soup. I thought I'd bring him a

bowl of chicken soup.

Well, it's nice to have seen you, buddy.

I'll see you around.

Capish. What in the devil?

I'm not taking any chances. That nut in Laughlin kept me working two hours last

night.

Well, doesn't that slave driver know he can't just commandeer an intern who

isn't even on his service?

You tell him that. Believe me.

Believe me.

Capish, I can use you a minute.

Heartless.

Absolutely heartless.

Stedman has a weird sense of humor.

Oh.

Doc, I was going to ask you a question.

Dr. Bundage told Stedman he'd be as good as new in six months.

You think that's right?

Well, Bundage says so.

Hmm.

Guess what he's going to do?

He's going to get me a job, same place he works.

I'll be a lumberjack, setting, choke, whatever that is.

Half the time.

I can't dig that guy.

Like he talks about these cats in the woods. I drove this cat here. I drove

cat there.

Man, finally I find out he's talking about some tractor.

Oh, hi, Doc.

Oh, boy.

Does everybody have to sit on my bed?

You're smart.

Throwing your back out the easy way.

Tom, when is Laughlin going to get me out of this? Just as soon as the

thundering herd leaves.

Well, I won't hold my breath.

Oh, boy.

Hey, what is it between you and Capish?

Nothing. Why?

I asked him if he'd been in to see you. He tried to slug me.

Yeah. You know, I'm getting that way myself.

Jim. Every time I sit down for a minute... Miss Whitney, have you seen

Gerson?

Have you seen Dr. Gerson?

Have you seen Dr. Gerson?

Has anybody here seen Dr. Gerson?

I haven't seen Dr. Gerson.

Good old Dr.

Gerson.

The office brought out a new listing.

Did I do anything wrong?

No.

No.

What... What's the matter, Harold?

You're going to take off my leg.

I'll... I'll go back to work.

No. Yes.

Don't you worry. You see, everything's going to be all right now. No, no. Just

leave everything to me.

Well, you just tell me what you've decided, Harold.

No.

With your heart, I don't want you worrying.

I'll tell you everything as soon as I get it all worked out.

All right, Harold.

just lying still

sitting

position

Not on your feet.

Let's see your range of motion.

You'd know better than I for any other pain besides the usual soreness.

Okay.

Miss Whitney, discharge him. Yes, Doctor.

Aren't you supposed to be relief on clinic?

Yes, sir.

He may turn out to be a halfway decent doctor.

Miss Whitney.

You'll have to wait until your release papers are filed. May I have my clothes?

Hey.

Miss Slavotny, my clothes.

You shouldn't be moving around.

Are my papers ready yet? No, and I'm not supposed to let you go down until they

are.

I'll be right back.

Don't put any strain on that vertebra.

What you got under there, a resident?

No, these are harmless.

You and your wife find a decent place yet?

You kidding?

Jane nursing two kids with the measles. Me tied up here in paradise.

By the time we hear about it, the place has been rented a month already.

How about Lacey?

I don't think he's found anything either.

Why?

Well, it just so happens that I know where there's a listing of practically

every rental on this side of town.

You kidding?

No, it's not.

You see...

There's this real estate operator in orthopedics.

He specializes in hospital personnel.

Well, he knows how hard it is for guys like you and Lacey to find a place to

live. Yeah. Really?

Yeah, really.

But the way you nurses move around, you've got to have a private realtor.

Yeah.

Oh, listen, he can't go out and show it to you.

Okay.

You know you're not supposed to be using that phone.

I'm not.

What do you mean, you get first choice?

Just on the first place. Oh, no. You get first choice on the second place, okay?

Orthopedic. Where's Dr. Loughlin?

417, doctor.

Oh, Kildare, how's it back? Oh, fine, thank you, sir.

I understand you're in real estate now.

Oh, well, you know how those rumors get started, sir. We're cured.

Twelve houses to look at. Thank you, doctor.

I know how those rumors get started.

But you'll have no time for lollygagging on Dr.

Victor's service as you have on Laughlin's. Oh, did Dr. Laughlin leave

Thank you.

I hope you learned something from your sojourn as an inpatient.

Yes, sir, I certainly have. I've often thought it a pity that all interns can't

be required to give birth to a child.

Then they learn something.

Take care of that bag.

Yes, sir.

Cashier called.

Your forms are ready.

Oh, and by the way, we finally found your x -ray. Oh, thank you very much.

I've been in the botany.

We had a date, remember?

Remember?

He's so... so dedicated.

Huh? He's so dedicated who him

Thank you.