Original subtitles

Crutch is filmed in front of a live studio audience.

Pop, Pop, Pop, what are you doing?!

What it look like I'm doing? I'm emptying "garbahj."

- It's 5:30 in the morning! - That's right.

The sun is up, so that means your ass should be up.

We do not sleep in around here.

Okay? Besides, today is family gardening day.

When did that start?

I said it. Today.

♪ Tells it like it is ♪

♪ Crutch is here ♪

- ♪ For friends, family, kids ♪ - Yo, it's Francois!

- ♪ Crutch is Crutchfield ♪ - ♪ Crutch. ♪

Oh, my family. Just look at you.

Just look at you.

This is beautiful.

I'm almost happy you here, Toni.

Who hurt you?

I've been wanting to know that for years.

Pearl, shouldn't you be passed out drunk underneath a fireman?

My drinking is-is medicinal.

I think it's pretty cool New Yorkers farm on the rooftop.

Hey, you know, your grandma was one of the first

to bring horticulture to Harlem.

- Oh. - Mm-hmm. - Wow.

What'd you call your mother?

Horticulture.

It's one who cultivates flowers and fruits.

Mm.

I didn't get the "culture" part.

Unbelievable.

What a pathetic excuse of a man!

- Ooh! - Let me take that.

Okay, kids, I think you've earned an hour of device time.

Yay!

You okay, baby girl?

I just found out that Andrew, my beloved husband,

has maxed out my credit card,

probably from cash advances from the casino.

And, you know, I'm-I'm still trying to figure out if I want

to make this marriage work, but he's not making it easy.

He's been leaving me pathetic voicemails,

acting like the victim.

"Can you please tell Jamilah that I called

and have her call me? Thank you."

Are we not supposed to take his calls?

- You talked to him? - Once.

Just to give him an update

- on Lisa and Mase. - Uh-huh.

That's actually a good idea.

He called me, too.

Pearl, you don't even know Andrew.

You don't know who I know!

Well, I know one thing.

I know Andrew knows better than to call Daddy.

Shoot, Daddy would have all of Harlem after him.

Isn't that right, Daddy?

What's the deal?

Can you believe Andrew had the nerve

to call Jake and Aunt Toni?

Man, those squirrels done took my damn tomatoes.

Frank, ain't nobody thinking about your tomatoes.

And I know you lying.

'Cause your double chin is quivering.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait.

So, Daddy, did he call you?

Well, no. Like you said, he ain't crazy.

- Well, that's that. - Now that's more like it. - Cool, 'cause I was

- about to turn it up. - That's what I'm talking about.

I called him.

- You what? - Come on. You triflin'.

Wait, so, why are you calling him?

'Cause I'm your father.

As a man, he made a promise to me to take care of you.

And he didn't do that, so I called him.

So, what did you talk about?

I can't tell you that.

You can't be serious.

I thought we agreed to communicate better as a family.

And now you're the one not telling us stuff.

I just can't.

Come on, baby, you know it's not like that.

I have my reasons.

Every time y'all on this roof, it's drama.

This is better than that dragon shit.

Pearl, would you please 12-step your ass back in the house?

I'm locked out.

Grandpa, do you also have a white family?

What?

Oh, no.

Those people just came with the TV.

Why don't you put pictures of us on your screen saver?

Well, why don't you show Grandpa how to do it?

It's easy.

Give me your phone. I'll show you.

It's real easy.

All you got to do is make sure that your phone and TV

- are in sync. - NSYNC?

I still got beef with Justin Timberlake

after he did Janet Jackson dirty.

I don't know what any of that means, but it's done.

What? You just took the pictures off my phone

and put it on TV?

I do not know what you just did, but my grandbabies are on TV,

so let's take a selfie.

- Come on. - Let's do it.

So, wait.

When you were kids, you only got bullied in person?

Yeah.

Susie Nichols tried to bully me once.

After she regained consciousness,

we became best friends.

Were you ever bullied, Mom?

Mostly by your Uncle Jake when he would mess with my toys.

I only messed with your toys

'cause you hid my action figures.

And I only did that because they were colonizing

my Barbie Dreamhouse.

Oh. (chuckles) I remember that.

Mom would get so mad about that.

Remember she used to call them "mens"?

"Uh, get your mens

- out of Jamilah's Dreamhouse." - "Get your mens out the..."

- "Get your mens out of there." - "Mens." - "The mens."

- "Get the mens." - "Mens." - "Mens."

"Get your mens."

Okay, so that's how it is.

Y'all gonna ice me?

Grandpa, I think you're being bullied right now.

I know that's right.

- Go brush your teeth. - But I didn't eat yet.

Then go practice.

Can't talk right now. Can I call you back?

Okay.

Somebody's super popular today.

This... this is just business.

Okay, Francois, what is going on?

You got more secrets than a bus station bathroom.

Don't be mad at me 'cause nobody invited you

in their group chat.

I have to take this call.

Yes, this is he.

Why is he talking like a white woman at a PTA meeting?

You could do anything.

You can go anywhere.

You can even explore Portugal.

You could learn how to...

launder money?

Sorry, Papi, that's mine.

So, what do you got for me this time, Raven?

I only came in here to see if you would buy some popcorn

for my school trip. Look.

We got movie butter. We got that three cheese blend.

But if I were you...

...I would go with that skinny delite.

Mm-hmm.

Well, you know my rules, Raven.

You read one book, I'll buy one bag.

I'm not reading a whole book for one bag.

Are you crazy?

Two chapters, one bag.

How about one chapter and three bags?

Deal.

Thank you.

There you go.

Good choice, young Jedi.

You do know books are the butter for the brain.

Whatever.

The mockingbird will be at the henhouse

at 1700 hours tomorrow.

- What are you talking about? - Tomorrow.

The mockingbird will be at the henhouse

at 1700 hours.

Oh, you talking about Andrew's flight.

You told me to keep it a secret.

But ain't nobody here.

But thanks for booking that flight anyway.

What are you taking a picture of?

Flaco, you are on a need-to-know basis.

Copy that, Flying Eagle.

Bro, you need to forget you even saw this.

Saw what?

This lease.

I see what you just did, Flaco.

I see it.

Uh, thank you, and my code name is Tasty Tiger.

I'm not calling a grown man Tasty Tiger.

Not gonna happen.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

You had a nice run, son?

Yep. Sure did, Pop.

Sure di--

Where you get that shake?

My Frigidaire.

But that's my recovery shake.

For after my run.

Paid a lot of my money for it.

Tastes expensive.

You paid for a light bill, cable bill

and that Wi-Fi you be using.

Uh, very funny, Dad,

but it ain't cost that much.

Maybe not, but consider this next sip

a contribution to the light bill.

Hey, hey, hey...

Why are you acting like this?

I'm not acting no kind of way.

Okay? I'm acting normal.

If you wasn't here, I'd be acting just like this.

Whatever happened to unconditional love?

Unconditional love is for bitches and kittens.

Jamilah. Jamilah!

What?

Hey, when did you and Andrew sign a lease?

What? What are you talking about?

For the upstairs apartment.

There's a lease with both your names on it.

Uh...

- Where did you get this? - TV.

It's pulling photos from Dad's phone.

What is he doing? He's not acting like himself.

Tell me about it. He been waking me up

at 5:30 in the morning to empty trash.

That's my trash!

Are you really making this about you right now?

I'm sorry. I haven't slept.

Okay, let's review the evidence.

- Mm. - What do we know?

We know he's been talking to Andrew.

- Yep. - We know he's been acting

real suspicious on his phone.

Mm-hmm. "This is he."

And we know he's been forging signatures

on a fake lease.

And he has a tendency to do things

that he has to apologize for later.

Yeah, like that parent-teacher conference where he made

Mrs. Dumpletree cry.

Poor lady just wanted to teach third grade math.

It's not her fault he don't like fractions.

Mm.

Wait. Do you think he's planning to do something crazy to Andrew?

How crazy?

Like, Crutch crazy.

All right, well, maybe we should talk to him

before he does something he might regret.

I'm not talking to Daddy

while he doing Crutch crazy stuff.

Okay, when he does something Crutch crazy,

he never does it alone.

Flaco.

- There goes my grandbabies. - Hey, Grandpa.

Hey. Hey.

We good?

We good.

But, uh, I need you to do me a favor

and take these kids out for ice cream.

- Oh, ice cream. - Ice cream.

I could use a break to recharge my battery.

Hmm. I know this dope spot

around the corner owned by a Black family.

- Ooh. - Lisa, you gonna love the flavors.

Whoa! They have a social justice themed menu.

Fudge the Police.

I'm-a get Reparation Raspberry.

What are you gonna get, Grandpa?

What's that one with the chocolate on the side

and vanilla on the other side and the nuts down the middle?

The Separate but Equal Sundae?

Yeah, yeah, that's it. That's the one I'm-a get.

- Well, let's go. - Let's go.

How you been, Flaco?

I was just reading this book on money laundering.

Hmm.

Hey.

What's happening?

Is this the march on Crutchfield's?

Whoa.

Hey.

- Flaco. - Seriously?

Just relax. Relax.

We just want to know what my dad is up to.

This can be hard or this can be easy.

Your call.

Is this a shakedown?

I'm from Washington Heights, baby.

181st Street and St. Nick. I'm ready for this.

Flaco, what do you know about this?

Oh.

That you got 2,600 steps in today.

Oh. That's my fitness app.

What do you know about this?

My name is Flaco "Tasty Tiger" Rodriguez!

And I don't put up with this! You don't scare me!

- Time to turn this up a notch. - Yeah.

Did you think you could bribe me with chicharrón de cerdo?

Anybody can make chicharrón.

Not like the one from Arroz con Delicioso

- in Spanish Harlem. - Mwah.

Okay. A-All right. Be strong, Flaco, be strong.

Steak man. Steak man. Got them steaks!

Oh, uh, Crutch stepped out.

Oh, you look low on iron.

This ain't no humane shit right here.

These cows have been through something.

This is torture!

No!

I-I-I see y'all a little busy right now.

I'm-a come back later.

This is torture.

- Mm-hmm. That's the point. - Oh.

- My blood sugar's dropping. - Oh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

- Okay, this has gone too far. Flac. - Here, here, here.

- Flac, Flac, Flac. - Feeling dizzy.

Wake up, wake up, wake up! Eat, eat, eat, eat!

Amateurs!

Oh, my God. There's nothing wrong with me.

I'm healthy as a horse.

Aw, come on, Jake. You're a lawyer.

You're supposed to be the good guy.

I can be, but when the music stops,

do you want to be the only one without a chair?

Uh...

Jake?

What is this?

Flaco, Flaco, just help us connect some dots,

and this can all be over.

Hey, all I know is that the-the... the mockingbird

lands at the henhouse at 1700 hours.

Did you get that?

Yeah. Andrew gets in at 5:00 tonight.

You wouldn't happen to be

holding out on us, would you, Flaco?

Anything else is on a need-to-know basis,

and apparently I don't need to know.

Last time Crutch did something on a need-to-know basis,

we had to change churches.

I love you, too.

I know you're talking about us, Flaco.

You talking shit.

Okay.

I got the kids watching a movie.

Weren't they supposed to be here by now?

Maybe the flight is late.

Okay, my flight tracker app says he already landed.

- There could've been traffic. - My traffic app says should've been here an hour ago.

Well, what could they be doing that would take so long?

Maybe we should start gathering bail money.

All right, well, whatever's behind that door,

I'm ready.

Hi.

Is Mr. Crutch home?

Oh, no, I'm sorry. He's not here right now.

Would you give him these?

And tell him I said, so far, some crazy white man

is trying to catch a whale.

Oh.

- Also, somebody owes me $20. - I got it.

Can you change a 50?

Nope.

- I'm so nervous. - Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Breathe.

If you don't want to be here right now,

we can deal with him.

Yeah, 'cause my Tasers are fully charged.

Thanks, guys, but you know what mom always said:

"Time to put your big girl panties on and face it."

No more pity parties for me.

But I really appreciate you for looking out.

It's the least I can do.

Daddy.

Where is Andrew?

And what are you doing with that?

Dad, as your attorney, I advise you to remain silent.

You need to bury that pitchfork,

wash your hands and burn that jacket.

- Why burn the jacket? - 'Cause it's ugly.

What the hell is the matter with y'all?

I was never here!

Dad, we know you picked up Andrew from the airport.

Yeah, and I know you put me and him on a lease.

And you walked in here with a pitchfork.

This is for the rooftop garden. It's cheaper upstate.

What were you doing up there?

Hold this, Paul Bunyan.

I put you and Andrew on the lease

because I wanted to make him a New York State resident.

Why?

So I could get him to this gambling rehab upstate.

I know some people up there.

See, Daddy, I told them not to overreact,

but they wouldn't listen to me.

You would do all that for Andrew?

No. Did it for the family.

Look, he's still the father of my grandkids,

and I got to be there for him to make sure he right,

because that's what family does.

I just don't understand why you would make it a secret.

'Cause I didn't know if he was gonna get on that plane

or if he was gonna bail.

You're my daughter. I love you. You been through enough.

Well, thank, God. I thought he was a goner.

You thought I would do that?

Well, you know...

Because you would do anything to protect us.

But to be clear, I'm glad you didn't do that.

Thank you, Daddy.

No matter how this shakes out, I got you.

- Night, y'all. - Good night, baby. - Good night, sis.

Well, well, well.

Guess who ain't got nothing to say.

For somebody who ate as many lead paint chips as you,

you did pretty good.

Why don't you stop flapping your gums

and flap your wings back to your cave.

That was such a nice thing you did

for Andrew and Jamilah, Dad.

- Because I care. - Yeah.

Andrew's getting that VIP treatment.

Free plane ticket,

nice, cushy ride all the way upstate to rehab.

That's a lot of gas.

- So what you trying to say? - Oh, I don't know.

Sounds like, uh,

Jamilah's getting a lot of unconditional love.

You got a problem with the way I treat you?

I want some respect!

Let me tell you something, son. I respect you,

but living here cannot be your long-term plan.

I won't let you get that comfortable.

So what does that mean?

More 5:30 trash pickups?

Damn skippy.

Maybe 4:30.

So, stay on your toes, son, 'cause I'm always

gonna be two steps ahead of you, you heard? Two steps.

By the way, you change that Wi-Fi password again?

- No doubt. - Ugh.

New password now is nine-ninety-nine.

Oh, that's good.

Can afford that.

Ten bucks. What's the password?

I already told you, "nine-ninety-nine."

Two steps ahead of you, son.

Two.

Oh, hello, Papa.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. What do we have here?

Oh, this? Nothing.

Just figured I'd get my own fridge for my room,

so when I put my things in it, they will remain my things.

That's good, son. That's a good idea, son.

I know it's a good idea. That's why I did it.

So, tell me, how does it work?

What you mean how does it work?

I mean, does it work on batteries?

How does it run?

You have an aneurysm?

Ain't nobody have no aneurysm.

Does it run on solar power? I mean, how does it run?

Dad, you know how it work--

You plug it into the wall,

and miraculously, through the wonders of science,

it keeps things cold.

Oh, so you gonna plug that fridge into my wall

and use my electricity?

Oh, shit.

So, you know, once you use my electricity,

all the stuff in that fridge, miraculously,

through the wonders of me paying my electric bill,

become my stuff.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Where you going? - Back to the store

to get my unconditional refund.

He's learning.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

♪ Sometimes life can deal you ♪

♪ A messed-up hand ♪

- ♪ But when it hits the fan ♪ - ♪ Hits the ♪

♪ Never fear ♪

♪ The Crutch is here ♪

♪ Crutchfield, Crutchfield ♪

♪ He keeps it real ♪

- ♪ Crutchfield, whoa! ♪ - ♪ Whoa! ♪

What's that, bro bro?