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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:09,308 PREVIOUSLY ON THE BIG C... 2 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:10,409 I LIKE THE WAY YOU ROLL, MICK. 3 00:00:10,410 --> 00:00:12,144 I LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. 4 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:13,645 YOU CAN'T BE STEALING STUFF. 5 00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:15,681 IS IT TOO MUCH IF I ASK YOU TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY? 6 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,050 IS IT TOO MUCH FOR ME TO ASK TO BE CUT IN? 7 00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:19,385 IS THAT "RUGBY SLUT"? 8 00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:20,986 I THINK SHE PREFERS TINA NOW. 9 00:00:20,987 --> 00:00:22,388 - I'M PREGNANT! - WHAT? 10 00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:23,922 - WILL YOU MARRY ME? - YES! 11 00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:25,024 OHH! 12 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,258 I REALLY DON'T FEEL SO GREAT. 13 00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:42,608 ♪ IT'S SO HARD ♪ 14 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:47,614 ♪ TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER ♪ 15 00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:51,350 ♪ STEP OUT ♪ 16 00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:56,089 ♪ OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ♪ 17 00:00:58,324 --> 00:01:01,827 ♪ IS THIS SOME KIND OF A JOKE? ♪ 18 00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:06,665 ♪ WILL SOMEONE WAKE ME UP SOON? ♪ 19 00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:12,004 ♪ AND TELL ME THIS WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAY ♪ 20 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:17,177 ♪ CALLED LIFE ♪ 21 00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,347 IT'S WAY TOO SMALL. 22 00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:24,616 IT'S JUST SYMBOLIC, THOUGH, RIGHT? 23 00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:26,652 MAYBE I CAN SHOW YOU SOMETHING IN TEAK? 24 00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:28,320 MAYBE YOU CAN SHOW ME SOMETHING 25 00:01:28,321 --> 00:01:29,721 THAT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A CLOWN CAR. 26 00:01:29,722 --> 00:01:33,125 THIS IS MY FLESH AND BLOOD WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. 27 00:01:33,126 --> 00:01:35,794 SHE'S DEALING WITH A MISCARRIAGE IN HER OWN WAY. 28 00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:37,896 IT'S ONLY BEEN ABOUT FOUR DAYS. 29 00:01:37,897 --> 00:01:39,264 I UNDERSTAND. 30 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:41,867 NOW, THIS-- THIS ISN'T BAD. 31 00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,937 OH, WELL, THAT'S THE CADILLAC OF EVER-AFTERS. 32 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:47,539 BUT, REBECCA, YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO PUT IN IT. 33 00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:50,909 WELL, EXCEPT HER HOPES AND DREAMS. 34 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:53,212 I-I KNOW THAT EVERYBODY MOURNS IN A DIFFERENT WAY. 35 00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:56,048 WHEN I MISCARRIED, I PLANTED A TREE. 36 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,316 I DON'T WANT TO MOURN. 37 00:01:57,317 --> 00:01:59,151 I WANT TO CELEBRATE THE LIFE THAT WAS INSIDE ME 38 00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:00,719 FOR 18 WEEKS. 39 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,688 THIS FETUS DESERVES TO BE FETED. 40 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:04,690 I WILL TAKE THE BIG, SHINY ONE. 41 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:06,091 OF COURSE. EXCELLENT CHOICE. 42 00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:09,361 AND WE'LL DO THE SERVICE IN OUR CONTEMPLATION ROOM. 43 00:02:09,362 --> 00:02:10,596 I'M GONNA NEED ROOM FOR A PHOTO BOOTH 44 00:02:10,597 --> 00:02:11,663 AND A SUSHI BAR. 45 00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:13,232 I'M GONNA HAVE... 46 00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:15,100 IF YOU'LL EXCUSE US FOR ONE SECOND. 47 00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:18,003 WHAT? 48 00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,139 NOW, I WANT TO BE SUPPORTIVE, 49 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,641 BUT I'M AFRAID THAT YOU'RE SUBLIMATING YOUR GRIEF 50 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,244 WITH...SUSHI. 51 00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:27,479 CATH, I'M OKAY. 52 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,381 A BABY WAS NEVER IN THE CARDS FOR ME. 53 00:02:29,382 --> 00:02:31,049 IF I HAD REALLY WANTED ONE, 54 00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:32,718 I WOULD HAVE HAD ONE BEFORE MY UTERUS 55 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:34,953 STARTED DROPPING TO MY KNEES. 56 00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:36,355 IT'S SEAN YOU SHOULD WORRY ABOUT. 57 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:37,356 HE'S GONE OFF HIS MEDS. 58 00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:38,724 OH, GOD. 59 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:40,425 HE SAID IT WAS THE ONLY WAY HE COULD FEEL THE PAIN 60 00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:42,127 OF LOSING BABY CATHY. 61 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:44,396 MAY I ASK WHERE THE COFFIN WILL BE BURIED? 62 00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:47,299 I THOUGHT I WOULD PUT HER IN THE TOLKE FAMILY PLOT. 63 00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,901 THERE IS NO TOLKE FAMILY PLOT. 64 00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:51,103 HOLD ON. YOU HAVE CANCER 65 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,504 AND NO PLOT? 66 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:53,972 HELLO! 67 00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:55,607 YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. 68 00:02:55,608 --> 00:02:57,643 I HAVE SOME LOVELY SPACE AVAILABLE. 69 00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:00,213 I'M SURE YOU DO. 70 00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:04,650 DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET A COFFIN 71 00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:05,784 THAT'S AERATED? 72 00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:08,220 TO AVOID THAT MUSTY JUST-DEAD SMELL? 73 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,321 SO WATER CAN RUN THROUGH IT. 74 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,889 YOU CAN TAKE A BATH FOR ETERNITY. 75 00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:12,591 "A," THAT'S DISGUSTING. 76 00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:13,959 "B," I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS. 77 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:14,993 IT'S MORBID. 78 00:03:14,994 --> 00:03:16,328 WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT, PAUL. 79 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,096 I MEAN, IT'S CRAZY HOW UNPREPARED WE ARE. 80 00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:19,398 WE DON'T EVEN HAVE BURIAL PLOTS. 81 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,099 THIS IS ALL REBECCA'S FAULT. 82 00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:23,235 YOU KNOW, SHE WANTS TO THROW A STATE FUNERAL 83 00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:24,503 FOR HER UNBORN CHILD, 84 00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:26,238 AND NOW YOU'RE CATALOGUE SHOPPING FOR COFFINS. 85 00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:27,372 YES, SHE IS CUCKOO. 86 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:29,508 BUT WE HAVE TO HAVE SOME UNDERSTANDING. 87 00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:31,977 HONEY, I GET IT. 88 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,478 BUT SHE WAS BARELY SHOWING. 89 00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:34,947 I'M GOING TO BRENT'S. 90 00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,182 I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO A HOCKEY GAME WITH UNCLE SEAN. 91 00:03:37,183 --> 00:03:39,084 UH, YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. HE'S ACTING ALL WEIRD. 92 00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:41,720 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE AN ACTUAL PERSON DIED. 93 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,988 THANK YOU. 94 00:03:42,989 --> 00:03:44,256 IT'S LIKE EVERYBODY CAUGHT PRO-LIFE-ITIS. 95 00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:45,357 PAUL! 96 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,059 COME ON, EVERYBODY WAS THINKIN' IT. 97 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:51,396 - MOM, DAD. - WHO ARE THOSE FOR? 98 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,333 "SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS." 99 00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:56,101 HEY, THESE ARE FOR YOU. 100 00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:58,270 WE GOT THEM BY MISTAKE. 101 00:03:58,271 --> 00:04:00,572 OH, EXCELLENT. 102 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,742 THE, UH, THE OBITUARY'S WORKING ITS INTENDED MAGIC. 103 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,111 YOU WROTE AN OBITUARY? 104 00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,780 WELL, SOMEBODY HAD TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS HAPPENED. 105 00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:10,415 LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, CATHY, 106 00:04:10,416 --> 00:04:11,817 YOU GO BEFORE YOU HIT 20 WEEKS, 107 00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,051 YOU ARE SHIT OUT OF LUCK. 108 00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:15,420 YOU CAN'T GET A BIRTH OR A DEATH CERTIFICATE. 109 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:16,788 IT'S LIKE YOU'VE, UM-- 110 00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,290 IT'S LIKE YOU'VE BEEN WIPED OFF THE BOOKS. 111 00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:20,525 YOU NEVER EXISTED. 112 00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:22,828 THANKFULLY, THE FOLKS AT THE TWIN CITIES LEADER 113 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:25,397 TOOK PITY ON MY PLIGHT, AND THEY ALSO TOOK MY 20 BUCKS. 114 00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:28,400 I KNOW THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY HARD TIME. 115 00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:29,501 YOU WANT TO KNOW HARD? 116 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:31,603 YOU TRY GOING TO THE PREEMIE WARD. 117 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:32,804 THEY HAVE BABIES IN THERE 118 00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:35,507 THE SIZE OF A FUCKING ACORN. 119 00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,843 BUT THEY GET TO LIVE. 120 00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,811 THEY EVEN HAVE VOLUNTEERS TO HOLD THEM 121 00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:41,913 SO THEY--THEY-- THEY GROW FASTER. 122 00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:44,283 YOU--THEY HAVE FUCKING ENTOURAGES. 123 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,151 REBECCA TOLD ME THAT YOU-- YOU WENT OFF YOUR-- 124 00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:47,653 YOU WENT OFF YOUR MEDS. 125 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,188 YEAH, I'M--I'M NOT GONNA GO THROUGH THIS DOPED UP. 126 00:04:50,189 --> 00:04:52,457 OH, SEAN, WHY MAKE THIS HARDER ON YOURSELF? 127 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,558 IT'S A VERY EMOTIONAL TIME. 128 00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:55,060 EXACTLY. 129 00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:57,997 AND I PLAN ON FEELING EVERY, SINGLE BIT OF IT. 130 00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:10,909 HEY, BUDDY. 131 00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,577 I DIDN'T KNOW CUSTOMERS WERE ALLOWED BACK HERE. 132 00:05:12,578 --> 00:05:14,079 THEY'RE NOT THE CUSTOMERS. 133 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:17,482 WAIT...THEY JUST STOLE THAT STUFF? 134 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,117 IN BROAD DAYLIGHT? 135 00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:20,952 RELAX, PAUL. 136 00:05:20,953 --> 00:05:22,554 OWEN IS AT QUIZNOS ON HIS BREAK. 137 00:05:22,555 --> 00:05:24,123 IT'S JUST US HERE. 138 00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,127 OKAY, HERE IS YOUR PIECE OF THE ACTION. 139 00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,736 CAN I JUST BE CLEAR ABOUT SOMETHING? 140 00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:39,204 I DON'T CONDONE STEALING, OKAY? 141 00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:40,439 I NEVER EVEN LIFTED A PACK OF GUM 142 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,773 WHEN I WAS A KID. 143 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,608 RIGHT? I'M DOING THIS BECAUSE MY WIFE IS SICK 144 00:05:43,609 --> 00:05:44,643 AND WE HAVE BILLS. 145 00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,545 I DON'T JUDGE. 146 00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:47,579 AFTER I PAY MY RENT, 147 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,514 I AM SPENDING THE MONEY ON ANDREA. 148 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:50,816 THAT GIRL. 149 00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:51,850 SHE LIKES HER BLING. 150 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,151 SOMETIMES, WHEN WE GO OUT, 151 00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:55,755 SHE LOOKS LIKE A BEAUTIFUL BLACK CHRISTMAS TREE. 152 00:05:57,790 --> 00:05:58,890 YOU REALLY LIKE HER, HUH? 153 00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:01,560 DO UKRAINIANS LOVE BREAD? 154 00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:02,894 I HAVE NO IDEA. 155 00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:04,963 THEY DO. 156 00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:12,070 WHAT ARE YOU MAKIN' THERE? 157 00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:14,106 IT'S MY OUTFIT FOR THE FUNERAL. 158 00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,907 I'M ADDING EXTRA SPARKLES TO IT 159 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:18,276 BECAUSE FUNERALS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. 160 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:19,678 WELL, THIS ONE HAS A PHOTO BOOTH, 161 00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:23,215 SO YOU MIGHT BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED. 162 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,485 I'M SORRY. MY FAMILY IS SO DYSFUNCTIONAL. 163 00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,019 HEY, IF I HADN'T MOVED IN WITH YOU, 164 00:06:28,020 --> 00:06:31,289 I NEVER WOULD HAVE MET MYK. 165 00:06:31,290 --> 00:06:32,991 HOW'S THAT GOIN'? 166 00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:35,427 PRETTY GOOD. 167 00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:38,363 IS IT...GETTING SERIOUS? 168 00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:40,232 YOU SOUND LIKE MY MOM. 169 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,633 DO I? I DON'T MEAN TO, I JUST-- 170 00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:44,770 I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO ME ABOUT STUFF, ANDREA. 171 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,706 MYK AND I ARE GONNA DO IT. 172 00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:50,909 OH. 173 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,345 WOW, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE READY? 174 00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:57,115 I MEAN, DO I...DO I NEED TO TAKE YOU TO A GYNECOLOGIST? 175 00:06:57,116 --> 00:06:58,950 OR SHOULD I GROUND YOU? 176 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:00,018 SOUNDING LIKE MY MOM. 177 00:07:00,019 --> 00:07:01,788 ALL RIGHT. SORRY. 178 00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,492 HAVE YOU... 179 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:09,494 DONE IT BEFORE? - YOU CALLIN' ME A HO? 180 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:10,963 I'M NOT CALLING YOU A HO. 181 00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,367 IT MIGHT BE MY FIRST TIME. 182 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,336 MY GOD. 183 00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:19,704 WELL... 184 00:07:19,705 --> 00:07:21,973 I'M IN TOTAL VIRGIN TERRITORY HERE. 185 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:23,108 NO PUN INTENDED. 186 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,376 I MEAN, I DIDN'T GET TO TALK TO ADAM 187 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:26,077 ABOUT LOSING HIS VIRGINITY-- HE JUST WENT AND DID IT. 188 00:07:26,078 --> 00:07:27,679 DID I ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE? 189 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:29,314 NO. 190 00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:31,616 BUT LET ME JUST SAY THIS. 191 00:07:31,617 --> 00:07:34,319 LOW EXPECTATIONS. 192 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,487 LOW. 193 00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:38,356 BECAUSE THE SEX MOST LIKELY IS GONNA SUCK. 194 00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:40,325 BUT YOU MAKE SURE... 195 00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:41,560 THAT HE RESPECTS YOU. 196 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:45,497 AND THAT HE MAKES IT SPECIAL. 197 00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:47,966 I LOST MY VIRGINITY ON A BEAN BAG CHAIR. 198 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,501 FIVE MINUTES, AND IT WAS OVER. 199 00:07:49,502 --> 00:07:51,269 JUST LIKE A FAIRYTALE. 200 00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:52,637 CATHY, ARE YOU HERE? 201 00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:53,672 YEAH, IN HERE. 202 00:07:53,673 --> 00:07:55,040 OH, HI. 203 00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:56,374 HEY, ANDREA. 204 00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,176 OH, NICE SPARKLES. 205 00:07:58,177 --> 00:08:00,378 UM, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D SAY SOME WORDS 206 00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:01,413 AT THE FUNERAL. 207 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,648 SURE. UH... 208 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,251 THERE--THERE'S A ROBERT FROST POEM I KNOW. 209 00:08:06,252 --> 00:08:08,186 NO, I MEANT LIKE A EULOGY. 210 00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:09,888 - EULOGY? - ISN'T A EULOGY, 211 00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:11,756 LIKE, MEMORIES OF A PERSON 212 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:12,958 OR STORIES ABOUT THEIR LIFE? 213 00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,826 CATHY WILL THINK OF SOMETHING. 214 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,095 OKAY. THANKS. 215 00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,869 PLEASE DON'T GET PREGNANT. 216 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,225 HEY, WHAT'S WITH THE FANCY MUFFINS? 217 00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:48,560 YEAH, AREN'T THEY GREAT? 218 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,762 THEY CAME IN A BASKET CALLED "BREAKFAST MOURNING." 219 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:53,431 YES, MOURNING WAS SPELLED WITH A "U." 220 00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:54,833 IT'S A BEREAVEMENT BASKET. 221 00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,067 OH, PAUL, WE CAN'T EAT THESE. 222 00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:57,636 THESE ARE FOR SEAN AND REBECCA. 223 00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:59,104 NOPE, THEY'RE FOR US. 224 00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,606 WELL, THEY'RE FOR ME, SINCE I'M THE GRIEVING WIDOWER. 225 00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,709 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 226 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,548 CATHY TOLKE DIED 227 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,116 ON THANKSGIVING. 228 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:14,753 GONE TO A KINDER PLACE. 229 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,454 OH, MY GOD. 230 00:09:16,455 --> 00:09:18,723 AT LEAST THE WIDOWER WILL NOT GO HUNGRY. 231 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,625 OH, JEE-- WHY DID SEAN DO THIS? 232 00:09:20,626 --> 00:09:22,193 WHAT WAS HE THINKING? 233 00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:25,430 HE COULDN'T PAY FOR THE EXTRA LINE, "NOT MY SISTER, 234 00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,799 THE EMBRYO I WAS GONNA NAME AFTER MY SISTER"? 235 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,268 GOOD NEWS IS, WE'RE EXTREMELY POPULAR. 236 00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:33,104 WE'VE ALREADY GOTTEN 30 CONDOLENCE CARDS. 237 00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:34,140 JESUS. 238 00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,643 WHO DIED? 239 00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:40,346 ME. 240 00:09:48,721 --> 00:09:49,988 HEY, YOU WANT SOMETHING TO EAT? 241 00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:52,557 NO, NO...NOT UNTIL I TAKE THIS FUCKER APART. 242 00:09:52,558 --> 00:09:55,327 $10 NUT BY $20 BOLT. 243 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,062 DO YOU WANT A XANAX, MAYBE. 244 00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,164 NO, I DON'T WANT ANY XANAX. 245 00:09:59,165 --> 00:10:01,299 AND IF ANYBODY NEEDS SOME HELP, IT'S YOU. 246 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,934 I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU, REBECCA. 247 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:04,669 I'VE SEEN YOU MORE UPSET 248 00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:06,104 WHEN SOMEONE STOLE YOUR PARKING SPACE. 249 00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,908 I'M TRYING TO SEE THE POSITIVE, SEAN. 250 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:11,843 I DIDN'T THINK I COULD EVEN GET PREGNANT. 251 00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:14,447 OH, WELL, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU. 252 00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:18,583 I'M GOING BACK TO WORK TOMORROW. 253 00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,452 I'M FEELING KIND OF COOPED UP HERE. 254 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,786 WELL, IT'S YOUR LOSS. 255 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,824 I'M GONNA HAVE A CHANGING TABLE BONFIRE TOMORROW. 256 00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:12,303 THIS FEELS NICE. 257 00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:15,240 FEELS PRETTY FUCKIN' WEIRD TO ME. 258 00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,876 WE GOT A FETUS FUNERAL THIS AFTERNOON, 259 00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:20,111 AND THIS IS HOW YOU WANT TO SPEND YOUR MORNING, 260 00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:23,181 LOOKING AT BURIAL PLOTS? 261 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,516 YOU'RE A DEATH JUNKIE. 262 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,317 NO, I JUST--I JUST WANT US TO DECIDE 263 00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:27,652 WHERE WE WANT TO BE. 264 00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:29,521 THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME TO DO IT-- 265 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,622 WHILE WE'RE BOTH STILL HERE 266 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,924 AND CAN MAKE A RATIONAL DECISION. 267 00:11:32,925 --> 00:11:35,493 PEOPLE DO CRAZY THINGS IN GRIEF. 268 00:11:35,494 --> 00:11:39,698 LOOK AT REBECCA. 269 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:40,900 SWITCH WITH ME. 270 00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:54,412 THERE, NOW YOU'RE LOOKING AT MY GOOD SIDE FOR ETERNITY. 271 00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,852 WHEN YOU COME VISIT ME HERE, 272 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:04,322 AND YOU WILL COME VISIT ME, 273 00:12:04,323 --> 00:12:06,858 I WANT YOU TO ALWAYS IMAGINE ME BLOWING KISSES. 274 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,260 DEATH JUNKIE. 275 00:12:10,162 --> 00:12:13,965 WE SHOULD TAKE THIS. 276 00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:14,999 HONEY... 277 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,602 MY--MY FEET ARE HIGHER THAN MY HEAD. 278 00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:20,538 I'M LOOKING AT A GUY NAMED ALFONSO P. DICK. 279 00:12:20,539 --> 00:12:23,208 IF THIS IS FOREVER, I THINK WE GOTTA DREAM A LITTLE BIGGER. 280 00:12:23,209 --> 00:12:25,043 HMM. 281 00:12:25,044 --> 00:12:28,713 I'D LOVE TO HAVE A PLOT IN THE FULL SUN. 282 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:30,148 WOULDN'T THAT BE AWESOME? 283 00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:32,584 JUST TO LIE IN THE SUN FOREVER AND NOT HAVE IT KILL YOU? 284 00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:36,454 IT'S SO IRONIC. 285 00:12:36,455 --> 00:12:41,926 BUT...SHADY AND UNEVEN IS WHAT WE CAN AFFORD. 286 00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,563 HOPE MR. DICK ISN'T A SNORER. 287 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:50,402 ADAM! OVER HERE, YOU KOC! 288 00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,176 WAIT, YOU'RE POPPY? 289 00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,446 POPPY P. KOWALSKI. 290 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,947 THE MIDDLE "P" IS FOR "PAMELA." 291 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,315 EW, RIGHT? 292 00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:05,517 YOU'RE OLD. 293 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:06,918 THANKS, BITCH. 294 00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:09,387 BUT YOUR NAME IS "POPPY17." 295 00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:11,089 YEAH, IT'S FOR THE JANIS IAN SONG. 296 00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:12,390 WHO? 297 00:13:12,391 --> 00:13:13,825 IT'S AWESOME. I'LL PLAY IT FOR YOU SOMETIME. 298 00:13:13,826 --> 00:13:15,627 I GOTTA--I GOTTA GO. 299 00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:16,961 DUDE, YOU JUST GOT HERE! 300 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,297 I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF TWISTED GAME YOU PLAY, 301 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:21,733 TROLLING AROUND ON A KIDS WITH SICK PARENTS WEBSITE, 302 00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:22,802 BUT IT'S NOT COOL. 303 00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:30,742 MY DAD HAS LUNG CANCER. 304 00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,112 SO I'M A KID WITH A SICK PARENT TOO. 305 00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:35,814 SO YOU DON'T GET TO BE THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE 306 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:36,815 WHO'S FUCKED UP. 307 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,149 WHO SAYS I'M FUCKED UP? 308 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,717 WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA BE 309 00:13:39,718 --> 00:13:41,787 WHEN I BEAT YOUR ASS IN THIS GAME. 310 00:13:49,728 --> 00:13:52,964 WHATEVER YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY, DON'T. 311 00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:55,733 REMEMBER, THIS IS THE ACT OF A GRIEVING WOMAN. 312 00:13:55,734 --> 00:13:56,734 OH! 313 00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:57,735 REBECCA. 314 00:13:57,736 --> 00:13:58,970 HEY, IT LOOKS LOVELY. 315 00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:01,105 IT IS FUNERAL-TASTIC. 316 00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:02,340 - THANKS. - REALLY. 317 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,075 HAVE YOU SEEN SEAN? HE'S GONE AWOL. 318 00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:06,144 - MM-MMM. - OH...ALL RIGHT. 319 00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:07,312 JUST, UM, REMEMBER, 320 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:09,280 YOUR EULOGY COMES AFTER HIS REMARKS. 321 00:14:09,281 --> 00:14:11,850 I WANT EVERYTHING TO FLOW-- - OH, MY GOD. 322 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,085 - JULIE? - YOU'RE ALIVE! 323 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,790 OHH! I SAW THE ANNOUNCEMENT AND I THOUGHT-- 324 00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,758 OH, NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 325 00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:22,293 DIDN'T HAVE FUNERAL INFORMATION IN THE OBIT. 326 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,095 OH, WELL, I FOUND IT ONLINE. 327 00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:26,030 - I WENT WIDE ON TWITTER. - YOU WHAT? 328 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:31,002 THIS FUNERAL IS OF MY UNBORN CHILD, CATHY TOLKE. 329 00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:32,570 REBECCA MISCARRIED. 330 00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:34,405 OHH. UH, I'M SO SORRY. 331 00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:35,573 THANK YOU. 332 00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:36,841 WHEN I MISCARRIED, I PLANTED A TREE. 333 00:14:36,842 --> 00:14:38,943 WELL, I DIDN'T WANT TO PLANT A GOD DAMN TREE. 334 00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:41,212 JULIE WAS ON MY HIGH SCHOOL SWIM TEAM. 335 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:42,280 CATHY! 336 00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:44,015 OH, YOU'RE ALL HERE! 337 00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:50,255 WE RENTED A VAN. 338 00:14:50,256 --> 00:14:52,390 OH, PLEASE TELL ME LEAD-FOOT LISA DIDN'T DRIVE! 339 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:55,827 YOU KNOW, THIS IS A FUNERAL. 340 00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:59,197 IT ISN'T T.G.I. FRIDAY'S AT HAPPY HOUR. 341 00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:01,032 COULD YOU ALL JUST BRING IT DOWN A LITTLE BIT? 342 00:15:01,033 --> 00:15:03,268 REBECCA, THEY'RE-- 343 00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,869 THEY'RE JUST HAPPY I'M NOT DEAD. 344 00:15:04,870 --> 00:15:07,473 ALL RIGHT. I'M GONNA CHECK ON THE BUFFET. 345 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,013 I'M AT MY OWN FUNERAL. 346 00:15:15,014 --> 00:15:16,981 A-AND IT'S VERY NICE. 347 00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:19,250 EVERYTHING'S SO PINK. 348 00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,619 WHOA, THREE IN A ROW. TAKE THAT, SUCKER. 349 00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:22,720 THAT'S NOT FAIR. 350 00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,389 THIS GAME'S FROM, LIKE, THE '80s. 351 00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,057 IT'S FOR OLD PEOPLE. 352 00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:28,726 SORRY. - UH! WHATEVER. PLEASE. 353 00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:31,296 HOW OLD ARE YOU, ANYWAY? 354 00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:33,031 MY SHRINK SAYS I ACT LIKE I'M 14. 355 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:35,566 I'M LIKE, "I CAN DRIVE, SO TAKE THAT." 356 00:15:35,567 --> 00:15:37,802 YEAH, I HATE SHRINKS. 357 00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:39,003 OH, MY GOD, ME TOO. 358 00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:40,271 YOU KNOW, LIKE, WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE 359 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:41,372 ALREADY STARING AT US. 360 00:15:41,373 --> 00:15:42,473 AHH. - YEAH. 361 00:15:42,474 --> 00:15:43,975 I MEAN, IT'S NOT OUR FAULT 362 00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:45,376 OUR PARENTS GOT CANCER. 363 00:15:45,377 --> 00:15:48,246 JESUS, IT'S SO FUCKING RANDOM! 364 00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:50,014 WHY US? 365 00:15:50,015 --> 00:15:52,884 MIGHT WANT TO, UM, USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE. 366 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,019 CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET? 367 00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,888 I DON'T HAVE AN INSIDE VOICE! 368 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:04,163 SHIT, UM... 369 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,432 I HAVE THIS CRAZY FUNERAL THING TO GO TO 370 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:08,866 FOR MY UNCLE'S MISCARRIAGE. 371 00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,702 OH, SHUT UP. THAT'S AWESOME. 372 00:16:10,703 --> 00:16:12,203 CAN I COME? 373 00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:13,204 - TO A FUNERAL? - YEAH. 374 00:16:13,205 --> 00:16:14,405 I DON'T EVEN WANNA GO. 375 00:16:14,406 --> 00:16:15,740 EXACTLY--YOU NEED A KOC BUDDY. 376 00:16:15,741 --> 00:16:17,443 WE SHOULD TEST DRIVE THIS DEATH THING. 377 00:16:18,877 --> 00:16:20,478 I HAVE TO TELL YOU, FOR A DEAD WOMAN, 378 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:21,612 YOU LOOK REALLY AWESOME. 379 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:22,914 WELL, THANKS. 380 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:25,516 I'M--I'M SO SORRY YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY. 381 00:16:25,517 --> 00:16:26,751 OH, ARE YOU KIDDING? 382 00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:28,052 I WOULD HAVE FLOWN IN FROM ANYWHERE. 383 00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:30,455 YOU WERE A REALLY GOOD FRIEND, CATHY. 384 00:16:30,456 --> 00:16:33,358 I REMEMBER THIS ONE DAY, SENIOR YEAR, 385 00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,526 I WAS CRYING IN THE CAFETERIA, 386 00:16:35,527 --> 00:16:36,661 AND YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO STOPPED 387 00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:38,162 AND ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG. 388 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,131 I'D JUST GOTTEN INTO CARLTON COLLEGE. 389 00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:41,866 AND I REALLY, REALLY WANTED TO GO. 390 00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:43,401 BUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS GOING TO U. MINN, 391 00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:46,004 AND I KNEW IT WOULD BE OVER WITH HIM UNLESS I WENT TOO. 392 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:49,140 AND DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID? 393 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:50,908 "U. MINN, THAT'S A CRAPPY FOOTBALL TEAM." 394 00:16:50,909 --> 00:16:52,143 NO, NO. 395 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:55,780 NO, YOU SAID, "DON'T DELAY THE HAPPY." 396 00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:57,448 THAT'S GOOD ADVICE. 397 00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:58,649 IT WAS GREAT ADVICE. 398 00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:00,718 I WENT TO CARLTON, FORGOT ALL ABOUT MATT, 399 00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,720 AND HAD AN AMAZING TIME. 400 00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:04,155 AND MET MY HUSBAND. 401 00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:06,024 OH, WELL, THAT'S TERRIFIC. 402 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,525 I LOVE THAT STORY. 403 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,129 SO...THANK YOU, CATHY. 404 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:16,534 I DO NOT REMEMBER ONE BIT OF THAT STORY. 405 00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,136 I AM SUCH AN ASSHOLE. 406 00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:20,238 AN ASSHOLE WHO GIVES GREAT ADVICE. 407 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:24,342 - CATHY? - HEY. 408 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,779 - YOU'RE ALIVE? - SHE IS! 409 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:29,715 SHIT. 410 00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:31,983 OH, PAULIE. 411 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:35,153 OH, PAULIE, I'M SO, SO SORRY. 412 00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:36,287 I'M TOTALLY HERE FOR YOU. 413 00:17:36,288 --> 00:17:38,856 NO...CATHY DIDN'T DIE. 414 00:17:38,857 --> 00:17:40,458 WHAT? 415 00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:42,293 HUGE MIX-UP. 416 00:17:42,294 --> 00:17:43,795 SHE'S ALIVE AND KICKING. 417 00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:45,898 SEE? RIGHT HERE. 418 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,268 WOW. 419 00:17:50,269 --> 00:17:52,003 WOW. WELL, GREAT NEWS. 420 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,171 RIGHT. 421 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,573 AIN'T THAT A KICK IN THE HEAD, HUH? 422 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,476 LIKE A ZOMBIE MOVIE. 423 00:17:58,477 --> 00:17:59,944 HEH, SO, UM... 424 00:17:59,945 --> 00:18:02,346 WELL, THERE'S AN OPEN BAR WITH MY NAME ALL OVER IT. 425 00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:04,782 SO...I'LL DRINK TO THAT. 426 00:18:04,783 --> 00:18:07,685 YEAH. - OH, BUT, UM... 427 00:18:07,686 --> 00:18:09,187 IF YOU'RE REALLY HUNGRY, THERE'S SOME 428 00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:11,290 TERRIFIC CALIFORNIA ROLLS RIGHT OVER THE-- 429 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:16,562 EXCUSE ME. 430 00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:21,132 HI, HONEY. 431 00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:22,300 HI! 432 00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,068 I'M CATHY. I'M ADAM'S MOM. 433 00:18:24,069 --> 00:18:25,636 OH, MY GOSH, HI. I'M POPPY. 434 00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:28,439 YOUR SON IS TOTAL AWESOMENESS. 435 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,475 YES. YES, HE IS. 436 00:18:30,476 --> 00:18:32,777 AND HOW DO YOU KNOW HIS AWESOMENESS? 437 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:33,945 UH, WE MET ONLINE. 438 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:34,946 WHAT? 439 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:37,315 AT A CHAT ROOM FOR KIDS... 440 00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:39,784 WITH PARENTS WHO HAVE CANCER. 441 00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:40,885 YOU HAVE CANCER? 442 00:18:40,886 --> 00:18:42,086 NO, SILLY. 443 00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:44,055 I'M THE KID. 444 00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,125 WHO'S ABOUT TO GET SOME FREE FOOD. 445 00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,328 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 446 00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:51,796 IT'S A COMPUTER PROGRAM 447 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,297 WHERE YOU CAN PUT TWO FACES TOGETHER. 448 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,066 AND SEE WHAT YOUR BABY WOULD LOOK LIKE. 449 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,001 THIS CHILD LOOKS LIKE AN OLD MAN. 450 00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:58,837 I AM UNCOMFORTABLE. 451 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,273 MAYBE THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS. 452 00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,208 YOU KNOW? MAY NOT BE A BAD THING 453 00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:05,676 FOR ADAM TO HAVE SOMEONE TO HANG AROUND WITH 454 00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:07,245 WHO'S GOING THROUGH THE SAME SHIT; I DON'T KNOW. 455 00:19:07,246 --> 00:19:09,280 PAUL, SHE'S PRACTICALLY MY AGE. 456 00:19:09,281 --> 00:19:10,481 SO? SO WHAT? 457 00:19:10,482 --> 00:19:12,517 I HAD AN OLDER FRIEND WHEN I WAS GROWING UP. 458 00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:13,918 YOU KNOW, SHE WAS AN ARTIST. 459 00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:16,654 I WAS 16. SHE WAS 40. 460 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,723 WE USED TO HANG AROUND TALKING ABOUT ROTHKO. 461 00:19:18,724 --> 00:19:21,626 OKAY, MAYBE I SAW HER BOOB-A-RELLAS LIKE ONCE. 462 00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:22,827 TWICE, MAYBE. 463 00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,662 WILL YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS 464 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:25,997 TO STOP HOGGING THE PHOTO BOOTH? 465 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,699 DIDN'T YOU WANT PEOPLE TO ENJOY IT? 466 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:29,967 WELL, SURE, THE RIGHT PEOPLE. 467 00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:32,670 THE PEOPLE WHO ARE HERE FOR MY LOSS, NOT YOUR LOSS. 468 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:34,372 YOU'RE TOTALLY HIJACKING MY FUNERAL. 469 00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:36,774 ACTUALLY, REBECCA... 470 00:19:36,775 --> 00:19:38,876 YOU'RE HIJACKING MINE. 471 00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:41,946 YEAH, NO, YOU CHOSE TO NAME THE BABY AFTER ME. 472 00:19:41,947 --> 00:19:43,948 YOU THREW THIS CRAZY FUNERAL. 473 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,316 YOU PUT IT ON TWITTER. 474 00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:47,852 THANKS TO YOU, I'M ALREADY DEAD. 475 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,421 OH, LOOK, I THINK I'VE BEEN MORE THAN SUPPORTIVE, 476 00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:53,124 BUT I'M THE ONE WHO'S BEEN REALLY, REALLY SICK. 477 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,793 THIS MAY BE MY LAST TIME TO SEE A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE 478 00:19:55,794 --> 00:20:00,131 WHO CAME HERE...FOR ME. 479 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,866 FORGET ABOUT DOING THE EULOGY. 480 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,067 OHH... 481 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,468 REBECCA! 482 00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:07,438 FOR GOD'S SAKE. 483 00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:09,507 IS THAT "RUGBY SLUT"? 484 00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:10,641 NO. NO! 485 00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:11,677 JESUS! NO! 486 00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:16,347 LOOK AT YOU. 487 00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,449 YOU'RE ALIVE. - AHH. 488 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,585 VERY MUCH SO. 489 00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:23,487 CATHY, I-- I DON'T WANT YOU TO WORRY. 490 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:26,591 I--IF ANYTHING SHOULD EVER HAPPEN TO YOU, 491 00:20:26,592 --> 00:20:28,492 I WILL TOTALLY BE THERE FOR PAUL. 492 00:20:28,493 --> 00:20:31,028 - I'M SURE YOU WOULD. - YEAH. 493 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,564 HERE'S THE THING. 494 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,567 I WILL MOST LIKELY... GO BEFORE PAUL. 495 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,970 - YEAH. - AND AFTER I DO... 496 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:42,340 I REALLY, REALLY HOPE HE FINDS... 497 00:20:42,341 --> 00:20:43,341 AN AMAZING WOMAN 498 00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:45,343 TO LIVE THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH. 499 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:48,246 SOMEONE WHO CAN... TAKE CARE OF HIM 500 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,614 AND HELP ADAM. 501 00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:51,782 YOU ARE SO GENEROUS. 502 00:20:51,783 --> 00:20:54,385 AND YOU ARE SO NOT THAT WOMAN. 503 00:20:54,386 --> 00:20:57,255 IF YOU SO MUCH AS LAY ONE FRENCH-MANICURED HAND ON HIM 504 00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,623 AFTER I'M IN THE GROUND, 505 00:20:58,624 --> 00:21:00,625 I WILL CLAW MY WAY OUT OF THE DIRT, 506 00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:04,428 AND I WILL HAUNT YOU THE REST OF YOUR SLUTTY, DRUNK LIFE. 507 00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:06,097 HELLO! IS THIS ON? 508 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,632 YEAH, UM... 509 00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:10,568 SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR LITTLE FESTIVAL OF DENIAL. 510 00:21:10,569 --> 00:21:12,737 BUT, UM... 511 00:21:12,738 --> 00:21:15,439 I JUST WANTED TO SAY FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, 512 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,841 U.S. OF "A." 513 00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:18,509 NOW, YOU CAN'T TELL US 514 00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:19,944 WHO DESERVES TO BE SHACKLED 515 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,847 BY YOUR, UM, YOUR AUTHORITARIAN SYSTEM 516 00:21:22,848 --> 00:21:25,716 OF IDENTITY. 517 00:21:25,717 --> 00:21:29,654 BABY CATHY IS GONNA LIVE FOREVER. 518 00:21:31,256 --> 00:21:32,623 RIGHT HERE! 519 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,427 THAT'S AWESOME. 520 00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:38,329 SAYONARA, SUCKERS! 521 00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:39,797 SEAN, COME ON. COME BACK. 522 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,800 DON'T-- OH, OH, PLEASE DON'T GO. 523 00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,268 OH, GUYS... 524 00:21:44,269 --> 00:21:45,970 UM... 525 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,071 P-PLEASE DON'T GO, EVERYONE. 526 00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:51,275 WE--WE HAVE SUSHI FOR DAYS. 527 00:21:51,276 --> 00:21:53,244 UM... 528 00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:54,712 Y-YOU... 529 00:21:54,713 --> 00:21:55,947 I-IF... 530 00:21:57,616 --> 00:21:58,616 - IT'S OKAY. - UH... 531 00:21:58,617 --> 00:22:01,019 IT'S OKAY, I GOT IT. 532 00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:07,625 I JUST-- I WANTED TO SAY, UM... 533 00:22:07,626 --> 00:22:09,360 YOU KNOW, I'M--I'M-- 534 00:22:09,361 --> 00:22:12,129 I'M VERY LUCKY TO-- 535 00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:14,965 TO BE ALIVE TO-- TO SEE YOU ALL 536 00:22:14,966 --> 00:22:18,536 AND TO HEAR WHAT I MEANT TO YOU. 537 00:22:18,537 --> 00:22:19,670 YOU SHOULDN'T WAIT UNTIL SOMEONE DIES 538 00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,238 TO TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL. 539 00:22:21,239 --> 00:22:22,473 SO THANK YOU. 540 00:22:22,474 --> 00:22:24,875 I LOVE YOU ALL. 541 00:22:24,876 --> 00:22:27,479 BUT MOST OF ALL, I... 542 00:22:31,249 --> 00:22:33,385 I'D LIKE TO THANK BABY CATHY. 543 00:22:35,787 --> 00:22:38,956 THIS BABY DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE TO LIVE, 544 00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:40,891 AND SHE AFFECTED ALL OF US. 545 00:22:40,892 --> 00:22:43,828 SHE... 546 00:22:43,829 --> 00:22:46,097 SHE GAVE MY BROTHER A CHANCE, 547 00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:48,299 EVEN FOR A LITTLE WHILE, 548 00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:51,802 TO BE REALLY, REALLY HAPPY. 549 00:22:51,803 --> 00:22:56,173 AND SHE BROUGHT OUT THIS BEAUTIFUL, MATERNAL... 550 00:22:56,174 --> 00:23:00,311 SIDE OF HER TOUGH-ASS MOTHER I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE. 551 00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:04,915 AND SHE BROUGHT ALL OF YOU HERE TODAY FOR ME. 552 00:23:04,916 --> 00:23:07,752 WH A GIFT. 553 00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:10,522 LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS, AND IT'S WAY TOO FUCKING SHORT. 554 00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:14,592 SO... 555 00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:18,295 DON'T DELAY THE HAPPY. 556 00:23:18,296 --> 00:23:20,865 AND THANK YOU, BABY CATHY, 557 00:23:20,866 --> 00:23:23,201 FOR REMINDING US ALL OF THIS. 558 00:23:24,836 --> 00:23:25,971 TO BABY CATHY. 559 00:23:40,385 --> 00:23:43,120 YOU AMERICANS THROW NICE FUNERALS. 560 00:23:43,121 --> 00:23:44,855 IN UKRAINE, WE SAY ONE PRAYER, 561 00:23:44,856 --> 00:23:48,225 WE THROW YOU ON THE GROUND AND GET DRUNK. 562 00:23:48,226 --> 00:23:49,894 I'M JUST GLAD IT'S OVER. 563 00:23:49,895 --> 00:23:52,730 AND THAT WE DIDN'T HAVE TO LOOK AT SOME CORPSE. 564 00:23:52,731 --> 00:23:54,799 WHEN I SAW MY GRANDMA LAID OUT IN HER COFFIN, 565 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,567 ALL WAXY, 566 00:23:56,568 --> 00:23:58,436 I HAD NIGHTMARES FOR, LIKE, A MONTH. 567 00:23:58,437 --> 00:23:59,770 I NEVER NEED TO SEE ANOTHER DEAD BODY 568 00:23:59,771 --> 00:24:02,740 FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 569 00:24:02,741 --> 00:24:03,908 DON'T TURN AROUND. 570 00:24:03,909 --> 00:24:05,743 WHAT? WHAT? 571 00:24:05,744 --> 00:24:07,978 THERE MIGHT BE A DECEASED BEHIND YOU. 572 00:24:07,979 --> 00:24:09,713 OH, SHIT, SHIT. I FEEL IT. 573 00:24:09,714 --> 00:24:11,115 LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME. 574 00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:12,349 LOOK ME IN THE EYES. 575 00:24:12,350 --> 00:24:15,152 IT WILL BE OVER SOON. 576 00:24:15,153 --> 00:24:18,123 I WILL PROTECT YOU. 577 00:24:20,525 --> 00:24:22,259 YOU GOT NICE EYES, UKRAINE. 578 00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:25,363 BECAUSE THEY'RE LOOKING AT YOU. 579 00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,765 DAMN. 580 00:24:27,766 --> 00:24:31,569 DEATH MAKES ME HORNY. 581 00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:33,538 MMM. 582 00:24:36,208 --> 00:24:38,742 THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO YOUR MOM'S FUNERAL, YOU KOC. 583 00:24:38,743 --> 00:24:39,743 YOU'RE WEIRD. 584 00:24:40,745 --> 00:24:42,012 I KNOW I AM, BUT WHAT ARE YOU? 585 00:24:42,013 --> 00:24:43,848 - I'M AWESOME. - YOU'RE AWESOME, DUDE! 586 00:24:43,849 --> 00:24:46,117 I KNOW! 587 00:24:50,956 --> 00:24:53,691 I REALLY SORT OF ENJOYED YOUR FAUX FUNERAL. 588 00:24:53,692 --> 00:24:55,025 IT SET THE BAR PRETTY HIGH. 589 00:24:55,026 --> 00:24:57,328 SAY WHAT YOU WANT, BUT... 590 00:24:57,329 --> 00:24:59,530 REBECCA KIND OF GOT IT RIGHT. 591 00:24:59,531 --> 00:25:02,132 I MEAN, IF YOU'RE GONNA GO, GO BIG. 592 00:25:02,133 --> 00:25:04,803 IT'S YOUR GRAND FINALE. WHY SCRIMP? 593 00:25:07,205 --> 00:25:08,506 CAN I MEET YOU IN THE CAR? 594 00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:09,941 I JUST GOTTA DO ONE QUICK THING. 595 00:25:16,147 --> 00:25:18,782 I WANT THE BEST BURIAL PLOT THAT YOU HAVE. 596 00:25:18,783 --> 00:25:20,851 FULL SUN... 597 00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:23,020 LEVEL GROUND... 598 00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:24,989 THE MORE SUN, THE BETTER. 599 00:25:24,990 --> 00:25:27,391 CONSIDER THIS A DOWN PAYMENT. 600 00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:28,960 VERY GOOD. 601 00:25:37,135 --> 00:25:38,203 IT'S OPEN! 602 00:25:42,841 --> 00:25:45,175 HEY. 603 00:25:45,176 --> 00:25:47,311 THAT WAS A NICE SPEECH. 604 00:25:47,312 --> 00:25:48,513 THANK YOU. 605 00:25:50,515 --> 00:25:52,384 I'M SORRY ABOUT MY FRIENDS. 606 00:25:56,321 --> 00:25:58,055 DO YOU THINK... 607 00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:00,958 THAT WE WOULD BE FRIENDS IF WE MET NOW? 608 00:26:00,959 --> 00:26:02,827 YOU KNOW, AS ADULTS? 609 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:07,197 HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW. 610 00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:09,333 MAYBE WE PEAKED IN OUR 20s. 611 00:26:09,334 --> 00:26:11,602 MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE LEFT WELL ENOUGH ALONE. 612 00:26:11,603 --> 00:26:14,438 WE HAD GREAT MEMORIES. 613 00:26:14,439 --> 00:26:16,006 WOULD YOU AND I EVEN BE HANGING OUT 614 00:26:16,007 --> 00:26:18,976 IF I WASN'T CARRYING YOUR BROTHER'S BABY OR... 615 00:26:18,977 --> 00:26:21,946 WOULD HE AND I STILL BE TOGETHER? 616 00:26:21,947 --> 00:26:24,848 I DON'T KNOW. 617 00:26:24,849 --> 00:26:27,218 WAIT, ARE YOU LEAVING? 618 00:26:30,689 --> 00:26:32,890 I THINK THAT SEAN AND I... 619 00:26:32,891 --> 00:26:36,293 BOTH NEED SOMEBODY TO TAKE CARE OF US RIGHT NOW. 620 00:26:36,294 --> 00:26:38,128 AND NEITHER ONE OF US IS UP FOR IT. 621 00:26:38,129 --> 00:26:40,531 SO...I'M GOING BACK TO CHICAGO. 622 00:26:40,532 --> 00:26:43,134 SPEND SOME TIME ALONE, YOU KNOW? 623 00:26:53,478 --> 00:26:55,145 TAKE CARE OF SEAN. 624 00:26:55,146 --> 00:26:57,481 OKAY. 625 00:26:57,482 --> 00:26:59,516 HE RAN OFF BEFORE I EVEN HAD A CHANCE 626 00:26:59,517 --> 00:27:02,786 TO TALK HIM, SO... 627 00:27:02,787 --> 00:27:05,523 REBECCA, I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE BABY. 628 00:27:11,429 --> 00:27:14,431 I SHOULD HAVE PLANTED A TREE. 629 00:27:14,432 --> 00:27:19,136 ♪ WE'LL PARAPHRASE ETERNITIES ♪ 630 00:27:19,137 --> 00:27:24,708 ♪ AND, OH, THE EVOLUTIONS OF YOUR SMILE ♪ 631 00:27:24,709 --> 00:27:28,812 REMEMBER, THEY'RE SMALL. 632 00:27:28,813 --> 00:27:30,614 JUST ROCK HER. 633 00:27:30,615 --> 00:27:32,616 LET HER KNOW YOU'RE THERE. 634 00:27:32,617 --> 00:27:36,854 ♪ AS THE DAYLIGHT'S DRAWN IN ♪ 635 00:27:36,855 --> 00:27:42,860 ♪ AND THE FEELING FADES AWAY ♪ 636 00:27:44,863 --> 00:27:49,133 ♪ BUT THE BELLS ARE CHIMING ♪ 637 00:27:49,134 --> 00:27:52,870 ♪ AND THE HEIGHTS OF DIAMOND ♪ 638 00:27:52,871 --> 00:27:58,008 ♪ AS I'M TRYING TO FIND MY WAY ♪ 639 00:27:59,944 --> 00:28:03,547 ♪ AND SILENTLY YOUR SECRETS SCRAWLED ♪ 640 00:28:03,548 --> 00:28:07,317 ♪ ON PAPER CRANES AND BATHROOM WALLS ♪ 641 00:28:07,318 --> 00:28:12,923 ♪ BUT NO ONE'S EVER DARED FIGURE YOU OUT ♪ 642 00:28:14,993 --> 00:28:19,396 ♪ SO YOU HELD ME LIKE A SINKING STONE ♪ 643 00:28:19,397 --> 00:28:23,267 ♪ THE ONE YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER THROWN ♪ 644 00:28:23,268 --> 00:28:26,970 ♪ BUT IT'S TOO LATE, IT'S TOO LATE ♪ 43975

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