All language subtitles for Never.Mind.The.Buzzcocks.S33E06.720p.NOW.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-Pr1M371M3

The following programme contains
strong language.

♪ Nothing Compares 2 U ♪

♪ It's been seven hours
and fifteen days

♪ Since you took your love away

♪ I go out every night,
I sleep all day

♪ Since you took your love away

Blobby, blobby.

♪ I can eat my dinner
in a fancy restaurant

Blobby!

♪ But nothing, I said nothing
can take away these blues

♪ Cause nothing compares

♪ Nothing compares to you-#

Blobby!

Blobby, no!

Blobby! Blobby! Oh, Blobby.

Welcome to Buzzcocks Does 90s Pop!

Oh Blobby.

Hello!

And welcome to Never Mind
The Buzzcocks Does 90s Pop!

Joining us tonight:

We've got two members of pop legends
Boyzone,

and not the boring ones,
the cool ones.

The drinkers with the tattoos!

It's Keith Duffy and Shane Lynch!

And one of my favourite comedians,

who our writers have decided
to introduce by honouring

his London roots. Here it goes.
Oh, yeah, he's a good boy.

Yeah. Nah, he's a good lad.
Yeah, yeah,

he's got hands like shovels.
Yeah, he loves his mum.

Get yourself a pint!
Get yourself a bag of nuts, son.

He's one of us. He's family.
It's Tom Davis!

Joining Jamali on Noel's team:

An iconic BRIT Award-winning
90s singer and rapper

who was shocked to discover
that the title of her song,

Doing The Do, is actually
slang for a dirty sex act.

What can you do?
We were all innocent back then.

That's why I had to shelf
my first single, Hot Dog Piss Party.

It's Betty Boo!

And our guest team captain
for this evening:

Last time she was on the show,
during our after-show party,

she sang an All Saints song,

and every woman in production
lost their minds.

Don't get me wrong,
I enjoyed it as well,

but there were women
in their 40s crying.

Seriously, it was fucking weird.

It's Melanie Blatt!

There are genuinely women in
production who've never recovered

from you singing an All Saints song
in front of them.

And I didn't sing it very well
either,

so that might be why
they were crying actually.

You did appear to have
had a couple of sherries.

The 90s, good time for you?

I think so.

You did some good stuff.
And yet, Melanie... What?

When I speak to my researcher to
tell me some hilarious 90s stories

for you to tell us,
she said that you said,

I can't remember anything.
I can't.

I just about remember these two.
Yeah.

It's all very vague.

You had number one hits,
Under The Bridge, Lady Marmalade,

Booty Call,
and this absolute banger.

♪ All Saints: Never Ever ♪

♪ ..ever felt so low

♪ When you gonna take me out of
this black hole? ♪

I mean, it's an absolutely
era-defining song,

and my instinct as the host would be
to throw to Melanie

to tell us what that song means
to her,

but our researcher spoke to Melanie,

and she said, and I quote,
I can't remember the lyrics.

I can't.

I know they're never, ever,
never, ever.

Oh, good. Well, that's...

That'll be of some comfort to
the neurologist, you see.

I've got a quote about,
uh, you from All Saints.

"We're not that serious.
We're not fucking REM."

I stand by that.

Hey, look! Betty Boo's here!

First British female rapper to have
a Top Ten hit in the UK.

For her breakthrough act,

she beat the Happy Mondays
and the Charlatans.

You looked cool as fuck in the 90s,
Betty Boo.

Thanks, .

Do you remember more about
the 90s than Mel?

I was a really good girl,
actually. I was a goody-goody.

I know you were, because...

...because you didn't know
what doing the do meant.

No, I didn't.

And I'm not gonna say what it is

cause we're trying to clean our act
up on this show a little bit.

But it's a very specific sexual act.

It's the Hungry Hippos of sex acts.

I had no idea. Doing the do means...
I still don't get it.

Yeah, what's doing the do?

What did you think doing
the do meant?

Well, it's about running things,
doing your own thing,

breaking the rules.

I prefer that
it's a wholesome thing.

It wasn't the only song Betty wrote.
Betty wrote loads of hits.

She wrote songs for other people,
for Girls Aloud,

Sophie Ellis-Bextor,

and, of course, you wrote
Pure And Simple by Hear'Say.

Yeah.

It is a bit like Never Ever.

Is it?
A little bit.

Oh.

Yeah, we were thinking
of coming for you.

Hey, Keith and Shane are here
from Boyzone.

You boys used to tour with Mel
before she was in All Saints.

Before the sisters joined them.

You know, Shaz and, and Mel,
just used to-

they used to take care of us.
We were young, Irish, innocent boys,

came over to the UK for
the first time

on this big thing
called Smash Hits Tour.

You guys took care of us,
good and proper, you know.

Aw, well, we got on well.
Mentoring around here.

We loved them.
That's sickeningly nice.

Did you see the Boyzone documentary?
Yeah.

I was absolutely glued to it.

Louis comes out of it
in an interesting way.

I mean, Louis came across like the
prick's prick, but I-

um, I actually always thought,
oh, maybe we've got him wrong on

X Factor, and then I was like,
oh, no, he is a Uh...

The documentary has been
so well-received.

Did it make you want to get
the band back together?

We would love to tour
together again for the fans.

The response from the documentary,
as you said, has been very positive.

And you know what?

We got together over 32 years ago,

and to think that we could possibly
sell a few tickets

and go out on show and do our thing
again is a lovely thought.

But, um.

Live Nation have offered us, and
we're waiting to see what happens.

Boyzone are back.

The documentary did throw up
a couple of interesting things

from Louis. Louis used to feed fake
stories to the papers about Boyzone,

and on one occasion, he told the
press that the boys had been killed

in a plane crash.

We were travelling on a little
Cessna from Melbourne

to Broken Hill in Australia,
and we lost the right engine,

and there was a bit of a- a panic
landing in some farmer's

kind of runway, and we ended up
landing there,

but there was no mobile phones
back then,

and we were on our way
to do a video shoot.

And we were shooting from sun up,
so we needed to tell somebody

that we weren't going to be
at the shoot on time,

and we made the mistake
by ringing Louis.

He only happened to be our manager,

so we thought that might have
been a safe option.

But we didn't realise that he was
going to tell the press

that we've all died
in a plane crash. And...

Well, more, more to the point...

Artistic licence.

Our poor mothers and fathers
were absolutely distraught.

That was the problem.

I've actually got a quote
from Louis on that here.

He said, I forgot to tell
the families I made it up.

There was no plane crash, but it got
a good story.

Unbelievable.

I've got one more thing I want
to ask you,

and that is about you falling out
with P Diddy, Shane.

You were just the one that said no,
Shane.

Basically...

Wow! That's an exclusive.

Well, there was an MTV Awards
after-show party,

and P Diddy decided
that this party was his

and nobody else was allowed in.

All the other artists were there,
and everybody was backstage,

all that thing.
He said, right, everybody out.

Cut a long story short,
I'm coming down these steps in this-

it was called the Mansion House
in Dublin, a big, club rave scene,

in Dublin after the show.

And, he was stood up on this table,
and the truth is I didn't know

what he was saying.

He was kind of pointing down
at me aggressively and angry.

Now, I didn't mean to hit him...

That's not a lie.

I had a few gargles on me,
I was Guinnessed up.

Without a doubt, Guinnessed up.

He had this big chain,
big diamond chain.

I went to rob him.

And as, as I jumped up to rob
his chain, I got it wrong

and I actually hit him and
he fell down off the table,

and it was one of those things.
So, that's the truth.

You want to hear what the press
said about this incident?

Here it is.

It's the truth.

Shall we crack on to the show?
What a line-up!

Mel's team,
this question is for you.

Take a look at this.

♪ Wet Wet Wet: Love Is All Around ♪
♪ My mind's made up

♪ By the way that I feel

♪ There's no beginning

♪ There'll be no end ♪

That was the glossy-haired sommelier
who cloned your bank card,

Marti Pellow.

But Mel's team, can you tell me
how the 90s Wet Wet Wet legend

was once troubled by an animal?

Was it A, at a VIP visit to
a primate sanctuary,

a shocked Marti Pellow was squeezed
to the point of unconsciousness

by a gorilla. Afterwards,
the zookeeper made a statement,

saying we should have warned him
about Mambu,

he does not like it
when people sing.

Or was it B,
during a driving lesson,

a wasp flew up his shorts
and stung him on the penis.

In shock, Marti pulled over
and jumped out of the car,

shouting oh my god,
I've been stung on the knob!

Incredibly,
the driving instructor told Marti

that if this had been his test,
he would have passed,

because despite the trauma,
he actually managed to mirror,

signal, manoeuvre.

Or is it C,
while out and about in a local park,

Marti was bitten by an XL Bully.

He said, I do wish people
would learn there's a reason

why these dogs are on a banned list.
They're temperamental.

And then he said,
och, he tried to gnash me tatties.

One of those is true of him.

B is actually quite
triggering for me.

Because on a school trip,
when I was about sort of 14,

we were going swimming and I put
on my swimming trunks

and I was walking towards the pool,

and just as I was getting
towards it,

I felt, like, a stinging
sensation on my penis.

I quickly put my hand down
my shorts and pulled out

what I think now is a scorpion.

Um...
What?

Yeah. Uh, I've got a scar,
I'm not gonna show it.

Um... And I pulled down my trunks
and I was sobbing with, you know,

a lot of the other kids
started laughing.

Um, and then the sports teacher...

...came up and consoled me
with a cuddle. Um...

Which obviously now seems
quite strange,

cause I was sort of standing there
with my shorts around my ankles.

As he was going, he was Welsh.
It's alright, Davis, it's alright.

There's a- there's a brave boy.
It's alright.

In all fairness, I would have
been very happy with a hug.

If you had said, like, listen,
I need to suck this thing out.

That would have been a lot worse, that.

Wet Wet Wet's biggest success was
a cover of the Troggs'

Love Is All Around Us.

It was number one back in the day
for 15 horrible weeks

in 1994.
Was that a Troggs song?

So, he didn't get the royalties,
thank fuck for that.

It's funny you should say that,
because there's an actual quote

from Graeme Clark from Wet Wet Wet,
and he said that the song

became so omnipresent
that it started to sound like

someone else's record.

Probably cause it fucking was,
Graeme!

Marti says he got so rich
following the success of

Love Is All Around that he used
to order curries from his favourite

Glasgow takeaway to be delivered
wherever he was in the world.

Isn't that an amazing fact?
There's no joke, just a fact.

Have you done any rock star
extravagant things?

What about you, Mel?

I went on a holiday
on Concord to Barbados.

That's cool. I took my parents
to Barbados for Christmas once,

and this is true,

we were on a sightseeing boat
where it had a glass bottom,

it was a little yellow thing
that you could see turtles through

that I took my kids on, and the
Daily Mail took a picture of me

on it, cropped it and went,
there's Noel on his luxury yacht.

I remember it now, cause it was
the time a turtle bit my knob.

Come here, Noel, come here.

Now he tells us.
Right, what do you reckon, then?

Come on, let's lock it in,
Mel's team.

Do you think Pellow's the sort
of man who would allow himself

to be squeezed by a gorilla?

I don't know, there's a threat of
arrogance around Marti.

And he thought, oh, fuck,
this is a good idea,

maybe if he sings with a gorilla,
or he slipped in there

with the gorilla.

I know what it is to be held
till you're unconscious.

It's safer than the people
who've hugged you as a child.

I think it's B.

You think he was stung
on the dick by a wasp?

I do. Cause it obviously
happens quite a lot.

Well...

I'll go with the wasp.

I would remind you that in B,
it does say that despite the trauma,

he still managed
to mirror, signal, manoeuvre.

You're buying that, yeah?

I will tell you, by the way, when
you've been bitten on the penis

like this,
you're out of the game.

Yeah, there's no way you're driving.

Maybe it's C, then. Maybe...

The XL Bully is too specific,
isn't he?

But he knows about...
Yeah... I don't know, maybe C?

Yeah. What is it, Mel?
C.

C, OK.
The captain has spoken.

Well, the answer is B!

Marti Pellow got stung on the knob
while he was doing a driving lesson.

Although, I'll be honest,

when he told the story
on his YouTube channel,

he said private area,
so it's still a little bit of a...

♪ Sweet little mystery ♪

Hard luck, Melanie's team.
No points for you!

Noel's team, your turn.
Have a look at this.

♪ Right Said Fred: Deeply Dippy ♪

♪ Deeply dippy 'bout the way
you walk

♪ A contact sport

♪ Let the neighbours talk

♪ Deeply dippy, I'm your Superman

♪ Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
♪ Once more

♪ You open the door

♪ Bryan Adams: Everything I do ♪

♪ You know it's true

♪ Everything I do

♪ I do it for you ♪

That was shirtless anti-vaxxers,
Right Said Fred.

The worst thing about
the Titanic disaster, Celine Dion.

And ol' poppadom face, Bryan Adams.

But can you tell me which of their
90's songs

traumatised the celebrity?

Is it A, Kids' TV legend
Timmy Mallet says

he can no long listen to
Everything I Do, I Do It For You

by Bryan Adams, because it was
the song he was listening to

when he heard about the felling
of the sycamore gap tree

on Hadrian's Wall.

So, now he associates it
with nothing but sadness.

Or was it B, My Heart Will Go On
by Celine Dion

is Ross Kemp's least favourite song.

Speaking on Love Your Weekend
with Alan Titchmarsh,

Ross said, I was listening to it
on my iPod Nano

when I got hit by a motorbike.

I broke eight bones.
I can't make peace with that.

Could you, Al?

Before staring at Alan Titchmarsh
intensely for a full 10 seconds.

Or was it C, Nicholas Lyndhurst
gets abdominal pain

when he hears Deeply Dippy
by Right Said Fred.

He told Lorraine Kelly, it was
playing when my appendix burst,

it's almost like
my body remembers.

What do you think the answer
we might be looking for?

Let's have a look. Bryan Adams.

Do you think that song would provoke
strong emotions in Timmy Mallet?

What happened at Hadrian's Wall?
About the sycamore gap tree.

It was that iconic tree that
two pissed idiots chopped down.

And it was the one from
Robin Hood Prince Of Thieves.

They cut it down. Generally,
the whole nation was appalled by it.

Yeah, I remember it, yeah.
Really? Why are they-

It's just a... it's a tree.
And I said, genuinely...

Yeah, I said it.

I hope, I hope there was
a rare bird living in it.

I genuinely said in rehearsals
just now,

Jamali won't give a fuck
about that tree.

So right, I hate that tree, man.

I know Timmy Mallet likes cycling
and he likes cycling up there,

so maybe he was traumatised by it.

Oh, hang on, we've got intel.
Of course you know Timmy Mallet.

Yeah, he beat me to number one.
He beat her to number one.

I got a midweek. We used to get
midweeks, do you remember?

And, um, I was gonna be number one
with Where Are You, Baby?

And that
Teeny-Beeny-Weeny- Itsy- Bitsy...

The pol... the polka-top
bikini thing beat you.

It beat me on- on the Thursday,
so...

So, you went down
and cut that tree down?

Yeah, so.

With Jamali.

It was on one of those two saws.

That is a bloody scandal, that is.

There's two innocent pissheads,

they've got four years each
in prison.

They gave 'em four years for that?
Four years each, they got.

For cutting a tree?
And now the, the truth is out,

it was Jamali and Betty Boop
that did that.

Let's get back to the questions.

Let's have a look at Celine Dion,
My Heart Will Go On.

Did it really upset Ross Kemp?

I don't think it's B.
Ross Kemp with an iPod Nano?

He ain't no pussy.

My Heart Will Go On was
the best-selling single of 1997

worldwide, and it was
the theme for the film Titanic.

Celine Dion and the film's director,
James Cameron, hated the song,

with Cameron furiously asking,

would you put a pop song
at the end of Schindler's List?

I'm not gonna add a joke to that,
I'm gonna leave that in the air.

What about this, uh, option, C?

Nicholas Lyndhurst gets
abdominal pain when he hears

Deeply Dippy by Right Said Fred.

Shane had the best observation
of Nicholas Lyndhurst.

- Yeah?
- He said, who the fuck is
Nicholas Lyndhurst?

I had to say Rodney
from Fools And Horses.

Oh, he had the TV show where he went
back in time

and cheated on his wife and that.
He did. Goodnight Sweetheart.

Didn't expect you to know so much
about Goodnight Sweetheart.

I was a big fan of Goodnight
Sweetheart, yeah. Yeah.

In many ways,
you're a fascinating man.

Do you know what he just whispered
to me when Deeply Dippy was on?

He went, I quite like this song.

I quite like it.

And then... wait, and then there was
a pause and he went, shit.

Make a decision.
You think it's Ross Kemp?

Or, or Mallet, I don't think
it's Nicholas Lyndhurst,

but I think it's either,
Mallet would cry over a tree,

and I think, um, Titchmarsh,

I think you would stare
at Titchmarsh intensively.

Let's go for B.
You want to go for B?

I feel like it's A.
I don't know why. It's so weird.

Sycamore Gap Tree.

Pick it, we're moving on.
A.

OK. The answer is...

A, you're right!

Yes, Timmy Mallet is traumatised by

Bryan Adams' Everything I Do,
I Do It For You

after the felling of
the Sycamore Gap Tree.

Well done, Noel's team,
you get a point!

We'll see you after the break.

Welcome back!

Tonight, we're celebrating
everything 90s,

including all the classic
movie hits, Love Is All Around You,

Everything I Do,
My Heart Will Go On,

but how could we forget...

♪ And I

♪ Will always love you ♪

The song that made a resurgence this
year with this TikTok challenge?

♪ The love, the love

♪ And I-

♪ And I-

♪ The love, the love

♪ And I- ♪

The drumbeat that brings
the chorus back in

is quite difficult to place, basically.

And I'm gonna ask the team captains
to decide who will play

the I Will Always Love You
challenge.

Melanie.

So, I'm gonna go for someone
who I think will be the most...

...you know, with the right ear,
the most musically experienced.

Well, it's definitely not us
two then, isn't it?

Well, that's why I was gonna say...

Take your position, please,
at the drum.

Tom Davis!

Apparently, you have to put
the jacket on, Tom.

It'll never fit him.
Oh, and now...

There's a scorpion in the sleeve!

Just in case, you think we've
lost our mind,

do you want to see a picture
of Whitney?

She's wearing that jacket,
that's why.

And that is the actual jacket.

Get ready, Tom,
you've got one chance.

Hit the beat, get a point.

♪ I wish you love

♪ Love

♪ And I ♪

Oh!

That was a good attempt.
Tom Davis, he tried. He tried.

That was good, man, very good.

Noel, over to you.

Who are you gonna pick
for this mighty challenge?

Do you think there's anyone
who doesn't want to do it?

Oh, fuck off, man!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Jamali Maddox to the drum!

Oh God,
it's like she's back to life.

That's her vibe.

Take it away, roll the track.

♪ I wish you love

♪ Love

One, two, three, four...

♪ And I

♪ Will always love you

♪ I will always love you

♪ I will always love you ♪

Jamali takes a point!

Next up, it's the intros round.
Tonight, we have a 90s twist.

If during the intros round
you think you need any help,

you can play a joker at any point.

And what that means is we'll bring
in a 90s icon to help you.

But if you do play them, you lose
a point off your total score.

Oh, well, we haven't got any points,
so we're good.

OK, Keith, Shane, and Mel,
on your feet, please.

You'll be performing the intro
of the song to Tom.

Remember, you can play your joker
if you want to now or later.

I'm gonna call the joker in now.
Straight away?

Yeah, yeah, but we only lose
one point, so we might as well...

OK, well, come on, then.
OK?

We're playing the joker
before song one.

And the 90s legend,
please reveal yourself!

♪ S Club

♪ There ain't no party like
an S Club party...

It's Tina! Tina from S Club 7.

♪ There ain't no party like
an S Club party

♪ Gonna take you up ♪

It's Tina from S Club 7
ladies and gentlemen.

Have you been practising?
I have.

You've cost these people a point.

I know you're gonna add value,
though. Song one.

It's the title of the song I'm
looking for, Tom. Take it away.

What the f...

Come on now, Tommo.

Tom, it's the title of the song
I'm looking for.

Yeah, uh...
Big tune.

Yeah.

This is probably a really bad time
to say I don't listen

to a lot of music.

I've got no idea. I'm just...

I'm gonna pass it over.
Do you know the song?

What do you... Of course not.
What the fuck was that?

Is it...?

It certainly is that, in essence.
Don't know it?

I do, but I can't...

I've got no idea.

No-one's got it?

Yeah, I have.

Yeah, you have!
You're not in the fucking game!

I'm afraid you were all wrong.

It was, of course,
Picture Of You by Boyzone.

Oh my God.

And here's how it should have
sounded.

Oh my God!

Come on, Tommo.
You know this record.

I love this shit.
You love this record.

Oi-yoi-yoi.

Boyzone also had a hit with
When The Going Gets Tough,

a Billy Ocean song
they recorded for Comic Relief.

Not that the charity saw any of
the money, of course,

because Louis Walsh nicked all
of the proceeds.

Now, that is a lie, but interesting
that no-one questioned it, isn't it?

Next song, please.
Song two, take it away.

I actually do know, but I can't
think what the song is.

Let's simply give
the point to this team.

Yes, yeah, I think that's...
What is it?

Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Of course it is
Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana.

Here's how it should have sounded.

It's my fault. Blame it on me.

Very good, by the way.

You didn't get any right,

and you lost a point because
you used Tina from S Club 7.

Thank you, Tina!
Tina, ladies and gentlemen!

Jamali and Betty, it's your turn
to perform to Noel,

so, on your feet please.

And remember, we have a 90s legend
waiting to help in the wings.

You can play your joker
- whenever you want.
- Is it Tina?

Do you want to bring them up?
Yeah!

Will the 90s legend please reveal
themselves?

It's Terry from East 17!

Shit just got real!

How are you, Terry?
I'm good, how are you? You good?

I'm good, thank you.
I know for a fact that Terry's wife

had organised a big birthday party
for him tonight

and he's blown it out to come here.

It's true, it's true, it's true,
it's true, yeah.

Jamali, Betty, Terry,
the dream line-up.

Take it away. Song one.

Let's go.

No fucking idea.

I like it though.

That was actually
the drum and bass remix, so...

I've never seen Jamali so into it.

Shall I, shall I...
Is it... bwa-bwa-da-da-bwa-bwa.

It certainly is, but I need you
to be more specific.

I'll pass it over. What is it?
I've got it, I've got it.

Ricky Martin, She Bangs.
It is not.

That was close, but you're wrong.

It was Livin' La Vida Loca
by Ricky Martin.

Fuck. And I like that one as
well, Ricky Martin.

Here's how it should have sounded.

Song two. Take it away.

I don't think it goes on the flat, look.

That's not in the song.

No.

Cause I have to tell, you know.
Terry's gone rogue.

Happy birthday to you...

Anything?
I can't, I can't.

Over to you.
It's a huge hit of the 90s. Nothing?

Oh, oh! Da... um, da-da-dan.
You can't have got it from that.

Um, it's like one of
those Wet Wet Wet kind of tunes,

but not that.
Or maybe it is that.

Da-da-da... do-do-do.

See? I was doing a good job then.

As if Mel's gonna get it.
She can't remember her own band.

I don't know.

Right, you're both wrong.
It was Stars by Simply Red.

Here's how it should have sounded.

My bad.

Makes sense.

It's hard, isn't it? It's hard.
Too much pressure, isn't it?

Well done.
You guessed absolutely none correct!

I would like to say I won't have
a person in this room tell me

that was not a joker well played.

It's Birthday boy, Terry,
from East 17!

At the end of that round,
Mel's team have minus one points.

But Noel's team have two points!

It's time now for C'est la Video.

It's a game all about music videos.

I'm gonna read brief descriptions
of iconic 90s videos.

All you have to do is to tell me
what they are.

It's the name of the song
you're looking for,

and you get a point for each song
you get,

and you're on the clock with these.

So, you could get loads of points
here. Your time starts now.

Three children on the brink
of puberty with sensational...

Hanson. Uh, MMMbop.

Bloody hell, yes.

Oh, oh my god. A woman with
questionable mental health

whispers serenely on a street.
She then takes a turn for the worse.

She starts screaming
and then she reali...

Bjork. Uh, It's So Quiet.
Correct.

A sideways shuffling dancer moves
his way through the masses

in a giant pair of parachute pants.

Oh, MC Hammer, Can't Touch This.
Yes.

A host of horny couples are
rutting in public while a sexy

policeman dances in a toilet disco.

Fairytale in New York.

God, no.
George Michael.

Yes.
Um, Let's Go Outside.

Correct.

Five Irish lads with
an amazing amount of hairspray

stand dangerously close
to hundreds of candles.

Westlife, uh...
Love Me For A Reason.

Correct. Boyzone.

The whitest man in existence
appropriates rapping

while street dancing
in front of street graffiti.

Ice Ice Baby?
Ice Ice Baby?

It is. It is Ice Ice Baby.
Oh my God!

Our man, our man.
He got every one right!

Time's up. Mel's team, incredible.
They got six points.

He said for every one of those,
Greg's home video.

Alright, your turn.
Your time starts now.

Four denim-clad women run wild
in a fake forest,

summoning boys by river dancing.

It's, um Bewitched.
Yeah.

Uh, it's, um, one of their songs.
It was a Bewitched song.

You Look Like My Dad. That one.
You Look Like My Dad.

You Look Like My Dad.

No, it's not called
You Look Like My Dad.

OK, no, it's C'est La Vie
by Bewitched.

A blue alien DJ hosts a pixelated
rave in cyberspace

where everybody looks like they're
stuck in a virtual fever dream.

No, it's Blue by Eiffel 65.

A boy band pours their hearts out
inside the world's most

emotionally charged airport hangar.

Oh, Backstreet Boys.
Yes.

Uh...
They're crying in an airport hangar.

Uh... oh no,
Just Cause You Love Me? No.

No, it was I Want It That Way
by the Backstreet Boys.

A man with sideburns takes his
two pals for a trip through

a seaside town on a moving bed,

and for some reason they all have
their names on their T-shirts.

Supergrass.
Yes.

Supergrass. Uh, We Are Young,
We Are Free, alright.

Yes!

A pyromaniac goblin screams and
snarls in a graffiti-covered tunnel.

Firestarter.
It is. Correct.

Prodigy, Firestarter.

A sexy bob-haired astronaut raps in
space while an alien plays a guitar.

Where Are You, Baby?
Where Are You, Baby by Betty Boop.

An overly...

Not bad.

Time's up. Well done, Noel's team.
You did actually do alright.

Three points!

To end that round,
both teams have five points.

Time for a break.
We'll see you in a bit.

Welcome back to Never Mind
The Buzzcocks Does 90s Pop.

Don't eat that beef,
it's riddled with mad cow disease!

♪ Eh Macarena ♪

Our next round is called ID Parade,

where our panel must identify
a 90s legend.

Noel's team, here's your line-up.

For the audience at home,
take a look at this.

♪ Duke Baysee: Sugar Sugar ♪

That was Duke Baysee
with Sugar Sugar.

But, Noel's team,
what I want to know is,

which of our line-up
is Duke Baysee himself?

Is it number one, Sugar Sugar?

Number two, Woof Woof?

Number three, Cous Cous?
Number four, Wink Wink?

Number five, Bish Bosh?

I didn't see the video.

Yeah, that's sort of the point,
so that you don't know who he is.

Number three's got a YouTube channel
called Fit Over 40.

You can just do it in your garden!

I ain't gonna be rude to number
four, how important he was

for the Civil Rights movement.

Do you want some facts about Duke?
Will that help?

Yeah.
Please.

One of Duke's favourite things
to do is plant sweet potato.

Who looks like a gardener?

I don't know, probably number one,
he's got a gardener's face.

He looks passive-aggressive, like
he puts bins on his parking spot.

Betty, are you drawn to anyone?
Cause I didn't see the video,

I don't know.
No, I know, again, Betty,

you're not allowed to see him.

Oh, I thought you...

I thought it was a bit like
A Question of Sport where you-

No, you have to guess who he is.
Oh, I see.

I think this will help.

Duke used to be a late-night
conductor on the number 38 bus.

Oh!
I've been on the 38,

used to live in Graham Road.
Oh, was he the...?

Number five does look like the guy
where, if he ain't got you a ticket,

brother,
he ain't letting you on, bro.

Wait, it's not the dude that used
to sing on the 38 bus,

who was a conductor.
Oh, hang on a minute.

Yes!

He was locally famous for dancing,
skipping and playing the harmonica

on the job, he was.
I used to get on that bus!

This is, like, in the 90s.
He was a legend in Hackney.

That is a genuinely good clue.

And that's not even the best one.
Here's the best one.

He suffers from hay fever.

No-one's mentioned number two yet.

He's just got a real kind,
sweet face,

like he goes to the corner shop
not buying nothing

but he just wants to chat.

Betty, I'm gonna ask you again.
What?

I'm gonna ask you
who you think it might be,

and if you say, I don't know,
I haven't seen the video...

Or is it number three?

Number three,
let's go for number three.

I've seen this guy.
No, number four, man.

I think it's number four.

I'm gonna go number four,
number four.

- Calling it?
- Yeah.
Alright.

Would the real Duke Baysee
please step forward?

It's number three, innit?

Number two.

I do remember him.

Noel's team, you were wrong!
It's Duke Baysee, everyone!

Duke...

Duke, welcome to the show.
What are you up to these days?

Horticulture.

Still growing sweet potatoes, man.

Yeah. The wonderful Duke Baysee,
ladies and gentlemen.

And the rest of our line-up!

Mel's team, your turn.

For the audience at home,
take a look at this.

♪ Searching

♪ For that something
that I'll never find

♪ In another place, another time

♪ Searching ♪

Absolute banger.
That was China Black with Searching.

But can you tell me which of
our line-up is singer Errol Reid?

Is it number one, Errol Reid?

Number two, keen to breastfeed?

Number three,
I've got what you need?

Number four, if I'm smiling, I peed.

Number five, you think I'm handsome?
Guilty, I plead.

There you go. Where's Errol?

Well, number three, you get drawn
to straight away

cause he's very confident,
he's standing there.

He is so confident. He's cocksure.

Number one's there giggling away.
It's fucking me.

Anything that number three's
selling, I'd take.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

I like number four, he looks like he
still chats on a Bluetooth headset.

Hello?

Let me give you a few facts
about Errol for fun.

Errol is allergic to bad vibes.

Wow.

And here's my favourite,
Errol is not afraid of spiders.

Number five winced when you said
that, so he's scared of spiders.

Number two looks like he wouldn't
be allergic to bad vibes,

he looks like he invites
them into his house

and kicks the shit out of them.

He looks like he's fought
in a pit with bad vibes.

Mel, what, like, you're just
a little bit schtum on here,

Mel, like it...
I used to tour...

- What?
- What? Really?
...with China Black.

Yeah, I used, I did,
we did many gigs back in the day,

so thank God... Well, as we know,
- that means nothing.
- OK, true.

If you get this wrong,
I'll laugh my head off.

The only one that's kept
a straight face for the whole thing

is number five.
And that's cause it is number five.

Alright, Mel, are you locking it in,
it's number five?

Number five, the talented,
amazing Errol Reid is number five.

Alright. Well, let's find out
if you're right. Oh, God!

Will the real Errol Reid
please step forward?

Mel's team, you're right.

Errol, welcome to the show.
Thank you for having me.

What are you up to at the moment?

I'm still touring as China Black,

and as Errol Reid doing
my house music stuff.

Amazing.
Good times with Mel on tour?

Amazing time with Mel and Shaz.

Let's hear it for Errol Reid
and the rest of our line-up.

At the end of that round,

Noel's team have five points
and in the lead, incredible,

Mel's team, six points!

And so to our final round,
it's time for Next Lines.

Noel's team, you're up first.

You've got to give me the next line,
you get a point.

The time starts now.
Betty Boo, just doing the do.

And you are through.
And there's nothing he can do?

Correct. Betty Boo, doing the do.

It was an itsy bitsy teeny weeny
yellow polka dot bikini.

That she wore
for the first time today.

Disturbingly correct.

By Bombalurina, itsy bitsy,
et cetera.

Uh, and I'm too sexy for Milan.
Too sexy for Milan...

Too sexy, yeah. No?
Too sexy for my band?

New York and Japan.
Right Said Fred, I'm Too Sexy.

She's into superstitions...

Black cats and voodoo dolls.

Yes! Ricky Martin,
Living La Vida Loca.

Every night in my dreams.

I see Gregory in his pants.

I see you, I feel you,
Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On.

Saturday night and I feel
the air is getting hot.

Like you, baby.
Whigfield Saturday Night.

I'll make you mine.
You know I'll take you to the top.

Terry.

I'll drive you crazy.
Whigfield, Saturday Night.

You've been saying
I'm driving you crazy.

Pure and Simple.
And I haven't been around...

Oh, sorry.

Oh, and I haven't been around
for you lately.

Your song,
Hear'Say, Pure and Simple.

Have we already lost, Greg?
Very much so.

Terry cancelled his party for this.
We didn't even win.

Well, I wonder where Terry
is right now.

I mean, can you imagine?
On the lagers.

On the roof.

Stripped to the waist.

Out of his mind on disco biscuits.

Still not going home
to his birthday party.

OK, Mel's team,
your time starts now.

I feel it in my fingers.

I feel it in my toes.
I feel it in my bones.

No, not bones.
Toes, toes.

Toes, we said toes.
Yes. He said bones.

We all said toes.
Uh, Wet Wet Wet.

Three said toes, he said bones.

Love Is All Around.
I'm moving, I'm coming.

Can you hear what I hear?

Fuck.
I'm moving, I'm coming.

Unbelievable.
Come on, Mel.

It's calling you, my dear.

Out of reach.

Yes! She knows it!
All Saints, Pure Shores.

Didn't they say
that I would make a mistake?

Didn't I say there was
gonna be trouble?

Yep. Boyzone, Picture Of You.

Mmmbop, bop, doo-wop, dop, bop.

Yeah, yeah, fine. Fine.
MMMbop, Hanson.

He drinks a whisky drink.
He drinks a lager drink.

No, he doesn't.

He drinks a whisky drink.
No, he drinks a vodka drink.

Oh!

Chumbawamba, Tub-Thumping.
He drinks a lager drink.

Terry on the roof.

He drinks a whisky drink.

He drinks a lager drink.
He drinks a cider drink.

Chumbawamba, Tub-Thumping.

Some people say I look like my dad.

Uh-oh.

I wish it was, but it's not.
It's what? Are you serious?

That sound means it's the end
of the round,

and it's the end of the show,
and I can tell you

that Noel's team have eight points.

But the winners,
with ten points tonight, Mel's team!

Our thanks to
Betty Boo, Noel, Jamali,

Tom, Mel, Keith and Shane,
goodnight!

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