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-�Ready,�bro? -�Yeah,�man.
I'm�loaded�and�bloated!
All�right.�Okay,�man, I�just�gotta�give�Cousin�Leon
the�lowdown�before�we�fly�out.
I�can't�believe�you're�gonna�let Cousin�Leon�stay�here�by�himself
while�we're�at�the�casino.
You're�max�betting with�your�store,�bro.
No,�man.�He'll�be�fine. Cousin�Leon,�get�in�here.
What�do�you�need,�boss?
All�right,�man,�we're�heading out�for�some�cousin�bro�time.
Oh,�we�haven't�been to�the�casino�in�forever.
Yeah,�last�time�I�was�there,�I won�600�bucks�playing�blackjack,
and�I�shit�my�pants.
Now,�that�is�dedication.
I�can't�wait�to�win and�I�can't�wait�to�shit.
All�right. So,�we're�back�tomorrow.
You're�in�charge.
You�got�it,�whatever�you�need.
All�right,�man. So,�when�you�lock�up,
kill�the�lights. But�more�importantly,
put�the�ayii�in�the�ayii.
The�what�in�the�what?
Put�the�ayii�in�the�ayii.
Say�again.
Guy,�put�the�ayii into�the�ayii!
Oh,�yeah.�Yeah. Put�the�ayii�in�the�ayii.
Gotcha.�Very�important.
All�right.�Easy-peasy...�measy.
Hey,
where�can�I�find�ayii?
Uh...
Over�there?
?�Yes,�I�can�love�you,�baby�?
?�All�night�long�?
All�right,�before�we�get�in there�and�go�all-in,�remember,
time�out�your�bathroom�breaks at�the�VLT�machines.
You�think I�don't�know�that,�bro?
You�get�up�to�pee�and�a�Kookum
swoops�in�and steals�your�jackpot.
Yeah,�we�can't�have�that.
You�know,�I�heard,�uh,
some�people�wear�diapers,�so they�don't�lose�their�machines.
What? Diapers�are�for�babies,�man.
Yeah,�man. Not�for�grown�dudes�like�us.
That's�weird,�right?
Yeah,�that's�exactly�what�I�was thinking�when�you�said�it.
It's�weird.
Yeah.�It�makes�me�so�mad just�thinking�about�it.
But�could�you�imagine,�though?
No�way,�man. If�I�wore�a�diaper...
I�wouldn't�tell anybody�about�it.
No�matter�how comfortable�they�are.
All�right,�time�to�lock�in.
-�Best�bros�forever? -�Best�cousin,�bro.
Yeah.
(rustling)
Hey,�how'd�you�sleep?
Pretty�good.�You?
Not�bad. How's�your�day�looking?
Big�day.�I�have�to�record two�more�videos,
then�I�have�to�do�a live�Q&A�for�some�of�my�fans,
and�then�I�have�to edit�and�upload.
Oh,�I�hear�that. I�got�a�pretty�big�day,�too.
Oh,�yeah?
Yeah,�you�know,�big, big�day�of�fucking�with�Lips.
What�Lips�do?
What�do�you�mean? It's�Lips.
I�always�fuck�with�Lips.
Oh,�okay. Well,�I�didn't�know�that.
Yeah,�Sophia�and�Tavis�are coming�over�later�for�a�meeting,
and�we�gotta pick�up�some�supplies,
lots�of�planning,�you�know.
Okay.�Well, good�luck�with�that,�I�guess.
Yeah,�you�too. Work,�am�I�right?
Yeah.
Another�case of�the�Mondays.
It's�Thursday.
Thanks�again.�And�did�we�have what�you�were�looking�for?
Yeah,�man.
That's�my�guy.
Cousin�Leon�(in�mind:)�Psst.
-�It's�me. -�Huh?
Can�I,�uh,�help�you?
What? You're�too�good�for�me�now.
-�You�again? -�Yeah,�it's�me�again.
The�real�you.
-�That�guy's�gone. -�Then,�why�am�I�here?
Let's�destroy�this�place...
for�old�times.
That's�a�bad�idea.
You�are�done�with�him.
My�good�side!
Think�about�Dean.
He�trusted�you when�nobody�else�would.
He�never�trusted�you. You're�just�his�lapdog.
I�am�not!
Then,�why�is�there�a�bowl of�water�on�the�ground?
That's,�uh,�Dean's. I�don't�ask�questions.
He's�not�your�friend,�bro.
Don't�listen�to�him!
So,�he�trusted�you,�but�now, it's�time�to�prove�him�wrong.
What�did�you�have�in�mind?
Let's�put�this dump�out�of�business.
We�could�run�a�hose�in�here�and flood�the�place.�No.�Too�easy.
We�could�cover everything�in�honey
and�let�some�bears�in. No!�That's�too�hard.
Wait. That's�actually�a�good�idea.
No! I'm�the�good�conscience.
It's�a�bad�idea�because...
it�just�is.
(English�accent:) Come�on,�do�it!
Shit! It's�my�bad�conscience.
Get�out�of�here!
Whatever�you�say,�guv'nor.�Oh.
What�are you�looking�at,�wanker?
Come�on,�Leon, we�make�a�great�team,
like�Siegfried�and�Roy.
Good�Leon:�Ignore�him.
Roy�got�attacked�by his�own�tiger.�He's�the�tiger.
Looks�like�you're�having a�hard�time�making�a�decision.
Why�don't�I�give�you�a�hand?
(machine�chiming�musically)
(machines�chiming�musically)
Man,�these�machines aren't�hitting.
Don't�worry,�bro,�these�machines gotta�be�broken�in,
just�like�rubber�boots, they�hurt�at�first,
but�you'll�be sloshing�in�the�cash.
(machine�chiming�musically)
Fuck�sakes,�man!
(machine�chiming�musically)
Bro,�man,�you�can't�put a�price�on�good�bro�time.
Best�bro�cousins?
Best�bro�cousins!
(chuckling)
Come�on,�focus!�On�three!
-�On�three! -�Dean:�On�three!
One,�two,�three!
(machines�chiming�musically)
-�Tech�survey? -�Check.
Found�the�breaker to�kill�the�lights.
Hey,�Chickadee? Do�you�guys�mind?
I'm�in�the�middle�of�a�Q&A.
Yeah,�yeah,�one�sec,�one�sec. Did�you�get�the�supplies?
I�got�enough�glue
to�stick�together every�house�in�Grouse�Lake.
Yes.
Uh,�you�good,�babe?
I�can't�record with�all�the�noise.
Oh�shit,�that's�my�bad, but�it's�gonna�be�so�worth�it.
Fucking�with�Lips?
Totally.
Are�you�done�with your�little�video?
You�should�come�with�us.
I�really�have a�lot�of�work�to�do.
Come�on. I've�seen�you�at�your�work.
Come�see�what�I�do.
But�I�have�to�get�this�done.
I�put�out�new�content every�Thursday.
What's�the�rush? It's�only�Monday.
(snickering)
Tell�him�to�back�off.
Don't�listen�to�him,�Leon.
Just�give�me�time�to�think.
We�don't�need�to�resort to�violence.�Right,�Leon?
-�I�guess. -�Evil�Leon:�Oh.
"We�don't�need�to resort�to�violence.'
You�scared,�you�little�ween?
Cousin�Leon:�Shut�up.
I�just�can't�think.
He's�right. It's�pointless�to�fight.
Let's�bury�the�hatchet, for�Cousin�Leon's�sake.
Bring�it�in.
Oh,�that's�more�like- (groaning)
(groaning)
-�Had�enough�yet? -�(groaning)
-�Say�uncle! -�Uncle!
I�thought�he'd�never�leave.
Now,�we�can�get some�real�work�done.
Paul:�Come�on.
(machine�chiming�musically)
-�(machines�chiming�musically) -�Wow,�wow,�wow.
Couldn't�help�but�notice you�two�from�across�the�room.
Thanks,�man.
You�look�like a�couple�of�sweet�bros.
Of�course�we�are.
Allow�me to�introduce�myself.
I'm�Esquire Esquire,�the�First.
Wow,�a�name�so�nice, they�gave�it�to�you�twice.
No,�man,�he's�one�of those�fancy�horse�jumpers.
I�thought�you�guys were�all�short.
Nah,�you're�thinking of�a�jockey,�bro.
Oh,�a�jockey, like�for�your�nuts.
-�Yeah. -�Does�that�pay�well?
(chuckling) Yes.
Look�at�you�two. Such�playful�bro-isms.
So�lively�and�magnetic.
I�was�drawn�to�you.
You...�were?
You�see,�I�spent�so�much of�my�time�amassing�my�fortune
that�I've�never�had�time for�a�bro�of�my�own.
Fortune,�eh?
I�don't�want�to get�into�numbers,
but�let's�just�say�it's...
thousands�of�dollars.
Wow,�a�real�thousandaire.
That's�a�nice best�bro�you�got�there.
Real�nice.
-�Yeah,�we're�also�best�cousins. -�(Esquire�clearing�throat)
I�have�a�proposal�for�you.
I'm�listening.
What�if�I�offered�$1,500�to hang�with�your�bro�for�the�day?
Here's�a�pretty�sweet�hang.
Hey,�you're�not�some kind�of�bro-vert,�are�you?
I�just�want�a�good�hang. Nothing�weird.
And�if�I�have�to grease�the�wheels�for�that,
I�have�the�means.
Well,�I'm�not�some sort�of�piece�of�meat
that�you�can�sell�or buy�for�a�quick�hang,�man.
Yeah,�there's nothing�meaty�about�him,
except�for�those�sweet�cheeks.
And�these�sweet�cheeks�only has�room�for�one�best�friend,
and�he�also�happens to�be�my�cousin.
Yeah.
-�So,�what's�the�prank? -�It's�epic.
This�might�just�be my�Michelangelo.
You�mean�Sistine�Chapel.
Nah,�babe. The�Ninja�Turtle.
He�was�funny�as�shit.
-�I�kind�of�want�pizza�now. -�Chickadee:�Okay.
Shh.�Shh.
(phone�beeping)
(phone�ringing)
-�(phone�ringing) -�(exhaling�sharply)
Holy�heck.
-�(snickering) -�(phone�ringing)
-�(phone�ringing) -�Everything's�glued�down.
Everything's�glued�down.
-�(phone�ringing) -�Cool.
(phone�ringing)
What�the...?
Who's�doing�that?!
(all�laughing)
I'm�coming�out�there.
What's�on�my�arse? Hey!�I'll�get�you�kids!
-�Here's�your�dry�nachos. -�Man,�I�can't�believe
that�thousandaire�tried�to�give me�1,500�bucks�for�my�bro�time.
-�I�feel�gross. -�Dean:�Yeah,�man.
But�you�know,
there's�probably�some�deadly perks�to�that�kind�of�scratch.
How�dare�you�try�to sell�off�my�bro-dom�like�that!
Think�of�all�the�VLTs�we�could lose�with�that�kind�of�money.
I�am�getting�sick of�eating�dry�nachos.
We�can�get�the supreme�ones�with�cheese.
Man,�those�are�for only�sultans�and�kings!
I'm�just�saying,�man,
it's�one�day, we�could�split�the�cash.
Why�are�we�splitting�the�cash
when�I'm�doing all�the�hanging�out?
Because�you're�my�bro and�he�asked�me.
This�is�free�money,�bro.
Fine!�All�right!�I'll�do�it.
Where�is�this�bro-vert�anyway?
-�I'm�right�here. -�Thousandaire.
This�is�for�you. You�made�the�right�choice.
Dean: Be�gentle�with�him,�please.
I�will.
Dr.�Tenderfeather:�Aaniin. I'm�Dr.�Tenderfeather.
Does�your�significant�other prioritize�the�wrong�things?
Waste�their�potential?
Surround�themselves with�loafers?
Borrow�money�because they�ran�out�of�child�tax?
An�eagle�cannot�soar
with�the�weight�of a�mooch�on�their�back.
In�this�eight-part�series,
we'll�use�the seven�sacred�teachings
to�determine if�you�are�dating�a�loser.
Hey,�babe,�what�you�watching?
(video�music�stopping)
Hey,�uh,�what�do�you want�for�dinner?
Oh,�I�can't�eat.�I'm�working�on a�big�art�project.
Uh,�the�paint�might�have�fumes, so�maybe�you�want�to�head�out
for�a�couple�hours, so�you�don't�get�dizzy.
Art�project?�That's�great.
Yeah,�yeah,�no�problem.�Hey,
it's�great�that�you're putting�your�energy
towards�something other�than�pranking�Lips.
Oh.�Oh,�do�you�think I�could�borrow�a�few�bucks?
The�paints are�kind�of�expensive,
and�I�ran�out�of�child�tax.
Child�tax?
How�do�you�still�get child�tax�in�your�20s?
The�government gives�it�to�my�mom
and�she�gives�it to�her�best�girl.
I�don't�think�that's how�child�tax�works.
It�is.�Trust�me.
Can't�wait�to�see what�you�come�up�with.
Yeah,�man.�I�can't�wait�to see�the�look�on�Lips'�face.
All�right, what�do�you�want�to�do�first?
The�floods�or�the�bears?
I�kind�of�want to�fuck�with�people.
I�like�it.�Start�slow.
Grouse�Lakers never�liked�you�anyways.
Blue:�Aaniin.
Just�one�for�today. Doc�says�I�have�to�cut�back.
Is�that�all�the�doctor�said?
Yeah.�Why?
Because�you�smell like�buttholes�and�wet�onions.
I'm�never�coming�here�again!
-�That's�right. -�(door�closing)
These�are�the�same�people that�BCR'd�you.�And�for�what?
Yeah,�right?
A�couple�of�bad�cheques and�some�upper�deckers.
If�the�health�centre can't�take�a�joke,
then�why�say�laughter is�the�best�medicine?
(laughing)
(both�laughing)
?�Don't�need no�halo�in�heaven�?
?�Just�bring�a�basket for�the�wings�?
?�We�got�hot�dogs and�old�Jim�Beam�?
?�A�Spanish�pipe�dream on�the�box�?
(Grouse�Lakers�laughing)
Lips:�What's�so�funny?
Hilda:�You! We're�laughing�at�you!
(all�laughing)
Stop�laughing. Everyone,�stop�laughing!
Calm�your�jeet�seat, Boston�Butt.
We're�laughing�at�your�hams.
Lips:�Who�did�this? Tell�me�who�did�this
or�you're�all�BCR'd!
Lips�are�sealed,�Lips.
I�ain't�no�snitch.
(laughing)
Chickadee.
Paul:�Ahh...
I�know�it's early�on�in�our�bro-hood,
but�when�you�know... you�know.
Is�that�what�I�think�it�is?
It's�like a�best�friend's�locket,
but�it�beads�us together...�forever.
It's�so�beautiful.
I'm�gonna level�with�you,�bro.
I'm�looking�for a�full-time�best�bro.
Esquire, this�is�all�so�sudden.
It�seems�that�way, but�I'm�tired�of�ordering
the�bro-sized bucket�of�chicken,
just�so�the�delivery�guy thinks�I�have�a�friend.
That's�no�way�to�live.
I�have�a�one-car�garage
and�an�inflatable�pool�just waiting�to�be�bro-ed�out�in.
Do�you�have�lots�of pop�at�your�house?
Name-brand�pop, all�you�can�drink.
Hmph.�Dean�has�lots�of�pop,
but�there�are�no�name brands�at�Yeah�Man's.
They�always�leave a�funny�taste�in�my�mouth.
Dean?
The�same�Dean�who sold�you�for�15�hundo?
You're�worth at�least�$200�more.�At�least!
Yeah.�He's�probably�sitting�by himself�at�some�seafood�buffet.
Hpmh!
That's�what�I'm�saying.
And�I�don't�want to�brag�or�anything,�but,�uh,
I�also�lease�a�certified pre-owned�Kia�Sorento.
All-wheel�drive?
Is�there�any�other�kind?
(Esquire�laughing)
Listen,�pal,�unless�you�got money�or�a�cousin,
you�gotta�get�out�of�here.
(knocking)
-�Serena:�Come�in. -�(door�opening)
-�Is�Chickadee�home? -�Uh...
Police�business. I'll�be�quick.
Is�this�about�the�pants?
Kind�of,�yeah.
Ooh.�Sorry.
I�don't�know where�Chickadee�is.
What's�this�about?
Warning,�ma'am. What�I'm�about�to�show�you
is�a�little�disturbing.
You�think�Chickadee�did�this?
It�has�her�name�on�it,�yeah.
You�sure�that�isn't�the Chickadee�from�Sagkeeng?
Very�sure.
It's,�like,�actually�good.
The�brush�strokes�are... hauntingly�beautiful.
Beautiful,�but�evil.
-�This�needs�to�stop. -�I'm�sure�Chickadee's�sorry.
Sorry�about�the�time she�stole�my�cruiser?
Made�counterfeit lottery�tickets?
Reverse�moo'd�some�toilets?
Catfishing�me�into�believing
I�was�going�to�be�a backup�dancer�for�Shania�Twain?
She-�she�did�all�that?
That's�just the�light�stuff.
Oh.
Chickadee: Oh,�hey.
So,�what's�with�the�bags?
I�don't�think�you're�ready for�a�serious�relationship.
Whatever.�This�is�just�a�fight. Couples�fight,�remember?
No.�This�is�a�breakup.
You�just�can't�see�that you're�a�brilliant�artist,
and�it�hurts�to watch�you�waste�your�talents.
But�I�can�make�other�paintings of�Lips.�Or�other�shit.
I�tried�to�be�cool about�all�the�pranks,�but...
it's�just�not�me.
And...
it's�not�fair�of�me to�ask�you�to�change.
I'm�not�just�into�pranks. I�got�lots�else�going�on.
Really?
Goodbye,�Chickadee.
(door�opening,�closing)
All�right,�if�we�leave�now,
we�can�beat�traffic�and�still catch�comedian�Kris�Kazlauskis.
Cool.�He's�Manitoba's 18th�most�popular�comedian.
I�just�gotta�call�PJ
and�make�sure�they put�him�down�for�a�nap.
Who's�that,�your�dog?
No,�Paul�Junior.
You�know,�Lil'�PJ. PJ�the�DJ.�Lil'�Peej.
Whoa,�whoa,�whoa,�whoa,�whoa.
You�never�said�anything about�having�a�kid.
You�never�asked�me.
So,�say�we're bro'ing�down�hard,
You're�telling�me�there's a�baby�just�crawling�around?
Yeah,�but�he's�a�baby�bro.
Do�you�really�think that�I've�amassed
literally thousands�of�dollars
by�wasting my�time�with�babies?
So,�you're�saying we�can't�bro�down
because�I�have�a�baby�bro,�bro?
Yeah,�that's�what�I'm�saying.
Well,�guess�what? We�were�never�really�bros...
to�begin�with.
Oh...�Oh,�you're turning�your�back�on�me?!
Esquire,�Esquire,�the�First?!
You'll�never�find�another bro�like�me!�Good�luck!
What�are you�all�looking�at?!
I�could�buy this�whole�place...
for�half�an�hour if�I�wanted�to!
(groaning)
Why?!
It's�a�solid�machine. We�could�sell�it�easily.
Dean�won't�need�one�when they're�out�of�business.
Not�so�fast.
Good�Leon?
But�I�wedgied�you to�smithereens.
So�you�thought. But�guess�what?
Good�always�wins...
except�for�most�of�history.
Well,�there�was... No,�you're�right.
Kind�of�sad,�really,
and�that's�coming�from a�real�prick�like�me.
Deep�down, Leon�wants�to�be�good.
-�Is�that�true? -�Well,�if�it�wasn't...
would�it�be�noogie�time?
Get�him!
It's�noogie�time!
(groaning)
Say�auntie!
Auntie!
Now,�put�the�store�back�together again�before�Dean�gets�back.
-�You�got�it. -�And�for�frig's�sakes,
put�the�ayii�in�the�ayii, like�you�promised.
Maybe�true�ayii�is�the�friends we�made�along�the�way.
No,�that's�stupid. Just�put�the�ayii�in�the�ayii.
What�are�you�doing�back?
-�Hey,�Dean. -�Oh,�what's�the�matter?
Got�tired�of�all that�brand-name�pop?
I'm�sorry�I�can�only afford�Sprit�and�Kookum�Cola.
Look,�man, we�both�made�that�deal.
But�at�the�end�of�the�day,
you're�still my�number�one�bro,�man.
So...�I'm�the�better�bro?
The�best.
Look�what�I�got�you.
A�medallion?!�For�me?!
Yeah.�You�wear�one�half, and�I'll�wear�the�other.
Oh!
Now,�let's�go�get�some�nachos.
Whoa! With�quadruple�cheese?
The�supreme,�baby!
Yeah!
(rustling)
Hey,�you,�uh, got�any�baby�wipes?
Hey,�you�guys�are�back!
I�can't�believe�Cousin�Leon
didn't�sell everything�out�the�back!
Yeah,�good�job,�bro. He�even�dusted�the...
Wait�a�second!
You�didn't�put the�ayii�in�the�ayii?
I�thought�I�did!
-�Paul:�Unreal! -�Dean:�It's�not�that�hard.
Ayii�straight�into�the�ayii.
Paul: A�baby�could�do�it!
Man,�I'm�so�mad�right�now!
You�had�one�job!
?�Every�time�I�hear�a�song�?
?�I�always�wonder�who�?
?�What�grown-up they're�singing�about�?
?�And�all�their�troubles,�too�?
?�But�are�they�all just�make�believe?�?
?�Just�like�the�grown-up�world�?
?�But�me, I'm�just�in�high�school�?
?�And�my�mind�is�in�a�whirl�?
?�Over�her�?
?�I�like�her�pretty�smile�?
?�The�thought�of�her�?
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