Original subtitles

[ Theme music playing ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Lever clicks ]

♪♪

Man: It's alive!

[ Robot chicken clucking ]

♪♪

[ Laughing evilly ]

♪♪

[ Rattling and hissing ]

[ Percussion cacophony plays ]

Do you have any idea how embarrassing it isss

that other rattlesnakes know that I'm related to you?

[ Engine rumbling ]

Whoa, buddy! Where's your parachute?!

I bet my friends 50 bucks that penguins could fly

if they were motivated enough, so here goes!

That literally makes no sense,

and you should wear a parachute because you're wrong.

Didn't you see "Dark Knight Rises"?

You're only motivated to achieve the impossible

once you take off the training wheels, man.

Whee! Aw, not again!

Oh, I'm nervous about meeting your family, Mitch.

After all, I'm a Cabbage Patch Kid,

and your family is Garbage Pail Kids.

There's nothing to worry about, Babette Jocelyn.

I love you, so they will, too.

Oh, my baby boy!

And this must be Babette Jocelyn!

Come here, you!

I'm Mitch's mom, Bloody Mary.

Come meet the rest of the family!

This is my hubby, Harry Hemorrhoid.

[ Groaning ]

[ Squish ]

-Hi, Mitch. -Acne Amy!

Wow! You got so tall! Bring it in here. [ Grunts ]

[ Popping, splat ]

[ Gags ] Bathroom? Oh, God.

[ Gagging ] Okay.

[ Groans ] Babette, you can do this.

Just breathe. [ Door opens ]

Outta the way! Get outta the way!

[ Defecating, water splashing ]

Ugh! Whoa! That one's ripe!

Hey! You must be Babette!

I'm Dia-Rita. Nice to...

[ Defecating, water splashing ] Ugh. Meet you.

[ Gagging ]

There you are! Come on.

The rest of the family's waiting to meet you.

[ Crunch ]

[ Smooching ]

[ Crack! ]

♪♪

That went great!

My family loves you! I'm so glad.

Oh, Babette, you simply must come back for Thanksgiv--

I'm sorry. Are you inked?

What? That's just my Xavier Roberts tattoo.

This trollop has tattooed herself

with another man's name!

He's my creator!

Are you in a fucking cult?!

Get out of my house at once!

-Mitch! -Sorry, baby.

My family think tattoos are disgusting,

and I do, too, so y-you better go.

[ Inhales deeply, sobs ]

I got pussed on for you!

Well, looks like I should've got into her pants

earlier, right, fam?

[ Chuckles ] Fuckin' psoriasis.

[ Groans ] Let's see.

Cinderella, you're here for...

You tried to wear glass shoes.

Honey, men don't give a shit about women's footwear.

Next time, Wear, like, a pair of Air Jordans.

That'll get his attention without the personal harm.

-Those are actually pretty sick. -I know, right?

Okay. Let's cut those feet off.

All right. Do you know why I pulled you over?

-No, I do not. -Fuck!

[ Chuckles ] Hey. Look at this Itsy Bitsy ass.

Hey! Where ya goin', Itsy Bitsy?!

-Fuck you! -Eat shit!

-Fuck you! You eat shit! -You eat shit!

I'm-a climb up this garden spout, you fucking asshole!

-Better not! -Better not, asshole!

-It's gonna rain! -Fuck you!

Fuck you! Yeah, fuck you!

I do what I fucking want!

How about that, motherfucker?

Ya told that fuck.

-You told him. -That fuck.

[ Thunder rumbles, Itsy Bitsy screams ]

Oh, look! Shit fuck is back.

-Told ya, you fuck! -Eat shit!

-You eat shit! -Eat shit, you fuck!

[ Birds chirping ]

[ Water dripping ]

The fuck you doin' now?

I'm-a climb up this garden spout and fuck yo' mama!

Fuckin' kill you, you fuck!

These is prison rules, motherfucker!

Itsy Bitsy bitch!

[ Dramatic music plays ]

Oh, no, dear Agnarr, we're dead!

Oh, it pains me that our children,

Anna and Elsa, must grow up without us.

Oh, they'll be fine. Dead parents build character.

Yeah, our little Tarzan was raised by gorillas after

we were murdered by a leopard, and he turned out great.

Ah. New dead parents.

You are just in time for tonight's Heaven rave!

Ooh! What's a rave?

[ Dance music thumping, cheerful shouting ]

Oh, this is better than any ball in Arendelle.

I feel so free!

Ow! Ow! Let it go, baby!

Here comes the dump truck.

♪♪

[ Snorting ]

I say this pixie dust is quite different

than the snow we're used to back home.

Coral: Hey! Can I get some down here?

[ Toilet flushes ]

I didn't get eaten by a barracuda for nothing!

[ Bionic sound effect plays ]

[ Snorts ] Whoo-oo!

Who wants to butt-chug some Dole Whip?!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Whoo!

[ Somber music plays ]

I hope they're in a better place.

Me too, Anna. Me too.

Iduna: I just did my first butt chug!

Agnarr: Being a dead parent rules!

Barbie, I must go. I can't do this anymore.

Why, Ken? Why?!

I'm Butterfly Prince Ken. I must go be with my people.

Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap...

Look, Bell, I don't condone bestiality,

but the fact of the matter is if you fuck a dog,

you're going to get a yeast infection.

Welcome, viewers! I am Dexter, boy genius!

Today I present to you an extraordinary invention!

This is the Mom Droid, a revolutionary new robot

who does anything a mom can do.

Now let's go to the phones. Hello, Gil. You're on the air.

Gil: Uh, yes. Hello.

First-time caller, longtime listener.

Is she fully functional?

Yes. Of course. She can cook and clean.

Mom Droid, make an omelette du fromage.

Okay. Cool. Um, but how many, uh, thrusts will you get?

Thrusts?

How intensely does she vibrate?

If she is vibrating, something is wrong.

That means she is broken, you idiot.

Okay. But is it easy to clean up, you know, afterwards?

Mom Droid, clean the kitchen.

Awesome. I'll take one for sure.

Excellent! Let's take another caller. Okay.

Schlomo, you're on the air.

Uh, she looks very real. Um, does she feel real?

She feels like your mother.

Okay. Cool. How big are the holes? I'm very large.

She can burn holes into anything with her laser eyes.

Mom Droid, blast that trash!

[ Zapping ] Um, I'll buy one, I guess.

And who does not want the Mom Droid?

Hello, Larb. You're on the air.

Uh, I got a question about the pussy sleeve.

Is it porous? I-I'm sorry. We gotta shut this down.

What?! We're making beaucoup bucks!

Yeah, kid, we're not licensed to sell adult toys

at 4:00 in the afternoon!

She's not a toy! I designed her to look like my real mother.

Come on out, Mom, and say hello.

Ugh. Go to the Lisa Rinna Duster Cardigans!

[ Alarm ringing, ringing stops ]

April 1st?! The Day of Fools!

I pity the fool who participates in April Fools' Day!

There are too many fools to pity on this day!

How about this? Mr. T gonna start his day.

Ha ha! [ Bell dings ]

Hm. Time to check Mr. T's e-mail.

Ah. Look at this here. My friend Gary just e-mailed me

a link to a new children's charity.

Oh! It's a fool's giant ding-a-ling!

I hate this day!

I'm now a fool I pity.

I pity me -- Mr. T!

Announcer: Running a summer camp for kittens

seemed like the perfect business venture.

Oh, they're so cute!

And the best part is Jason Voorhees

should leave us alone this year

since he didn't suffer any childhood psychological trauma

related to kittens. That we know of.

But little did they know...

Woman: Teenagers are filthy, Jason!

Greasy hormones spewing all over the place!

They must be punished!

[ Snoring ]

Okay. This teenager's a fucking dork. Next window.

[ Cats purring and meowing ]

Aah! Sluts! Kitten sluts!

[ Cats yowling, knife plunging ]

[ Sniffles ]

Announcer: Somewhere along the way,

these movies stopped being shocking,

but we're pretty sure we're onto something here.

[ Monitors beeping ]

Ha ha! Welcome to my house.

Why is it full of sick kids?

Oh, that's not your thing? What -- What -- What's your thing?

Sexy clowns. Mm!

Alright. Well, that -- that checks out.

Well, h-help me wheel them out onto the lawn.

The sprinklers don't kick on for another 20 minutes.

Why do you smell like Mommy's acid-washed jean jacket

when she comes home from the Morongo Casino, Resort & Spa?

Good times!

Shut the fuck up and go back to sleep!

I'm gonna -- Yeah. This is creepy. Bye.

W-Where are you going?! Come on. Where you go-- Ugh.

Okay. Your chart says you sold your soul to hook up with

a dude you met in a shipwreck, and now you can't talk.

Kids will do anything to get to bone town these days, huh?

Now, say, "Ahh." Say, "Ahh."

Can you do that? Oh, right. Right.

Sorry. It's been a very long day.

[ Crickets chirping faintly ]

[ Clicking, message bloops ]

[ Clicking, message bloops ]

[ Owl hoots ]

[ Clicking, message bloops ]

[ Romantic music swells ]

[ Music stops ]

[ Owl hoots ]

[ Clicking, message bloops, phone buzzes ]

[ Clicking, message bloops, phone buzzes ]

[ Clicking, message bloops, phone buzzes ]

[ Clicking, message bloops, phone buzzes ]

[ Clicking, message bloops, phone buzzes ]

[ Clicking, message bloops, phone buzzes ]

[ Clicking, message bloops, phone buzzes ]

[ Clicking, message bloops, phone buzzes ]

Chicken: ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

Chickens: ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

Chicken: Ba-gawk!

Man: Bawk.

-I don't see him! -Ha! I knew he wouldn't do it.

Give me all your money, penguins!

Oh, no!

Penguin: I can't fly! Splat!

Wow! He saved us!

Just like Batman!

So, uh, what? We ding his estate for the 50 bucks?

Yeah. Let's go confront his widow.