All language subtitles for The.Neighborhood.S08E05.1080p.x265-ELiTE_track3_[eng]

* *

Mmm.

Babe, you did your thing
with this pot roast.

-Yeah, Mom.
-Aw. Thank you,

but as usual, I made too much.

Well, Miss Tina,
if you don't mind,

I'd be happy to take
the rest of this to the shelter.

-That is so sweet.
-Yeah.

(scoffs)

Yes. Yes, it is.

And, uh, which shelter
are you taking it to?

The Cresthaven men's shelter.

-Oh.
-That's his apartment, Tina.

Uh-- mm-mm.
Malcolm, you know the rules.

No phones at the dinner table.

(sighs)
I'm sorry, Mama. I'm just,

I'm waiting on a work email.

-Oh.
-Yep, that's right, son.
Family first.

Hell yeah!

"Hell yeah" what?

"Hell yeah" family first.

-That's right.
-Mm-hmm.

TINA:
That's right.

Mama, Daddy's watching
the basketball game.

-Wow.
-What?

-You got to be kidding me.
-Baby... (stammers)

See, that's why
Malcolm's my favorite.

And that's why I snitched.

(mutters)

Malcolm, why are you getting
work emails at 7:00 at night?

Because the emails are coming
from Dubai tomorrow morning.

-Who's in Dubai?
-Mercedes.

The, um, real housewife
that I'm ghostwriting for.

She's celebrating
her divorce in Dubai,

so the whole cast is there.

She's divorcing Garnett already?

He-he was her soulmate.

Oh, my God,
this season is gonna be so good.

Well, apparently my book
is not going to be good.

I'm getting all these notes
from her people

saying that I'm not
"capturing her voice."

Ah. Well, here's an idea.

Watch her damn show.

Why? I already watched, like,
a hundred viral clips.

-Mm.
-All it is
is a bunch of rich women

who don't do anything, Ma.

Just brunch and Pilates,
brunch and Pilates.

No, I'm not ghostwriting
her autobiography.

It's a romance novel.

Malcolm, you have to watch
her show to get her essence.

She has layers.

All right, fine.
I will watch the show.

-Thank you.
-Yeah.

You got to be kidding me.

Amen.

ALL:
Amen.

Amen. Amen.

Calvin.

Give me the damn phone.

Oh...

That-that's my phone.

Cal-Calvin,
you-you got to get it back.

I'm in the doghouse, Trey.

Did you see where she put it?

It's gonna be at least a week

before I get anything
out of there.

* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *

* Welcome to the hood. *

*

Hey, honey.

Uh, can't help noticing
you have a dogsled.

Yes, I do, Dave.

Remember that
silent auction at school

where I asked you to start
the bidding on a few things

to get people excited?

Well, it didn't get them
so excited,

so... here we are.

I do remember. You know...

...this is from the movie
Snow Dogs.

Signed by Cuba Gooding Jr.

Can't believe it went
for the minimum bid.

Oh, not just that. We also got

a hot air balloon ride in Ojai,

a full-body skin cancer check...

Ooh, this one
might actually be fun.

A four-person box
at the Hollywood Bowl.

Box seats. I've always wanted
to know what it would feel like

to sit in the lap of luxury.

What-what is it? Ooh, I hope
it's a Grease sing-along.

You could be Sandy,
I could be Rizzo.

Why wouldn't you be Danny?

I don't know,
Rizzo speaks to me.

Okay.

Well, it's not Grease, it is

"Tchaikovsky Under the Stars."

Oh.

Well, he's good, I guess.

We're always saying
that we want to see

-more classical music.
-We do.

And it's free.

I-I mean, it was $350,

but we already spent it,
so now it's free.

Dave? Is that a dogsled?

Ooh. It's not just any dogsled.

Perhaps you remember
the movie Snow Dogs?

Oh, yeah, the one
with the Saint Bernard.

The... No, that's Beethoven.

Is that the big red dog?

That's Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Okay, if you say so.

Well, Gemma's school
had a silent auction.

Got a pretty sweet haul.

Including a box
at the Hollywood Bowl.

-Oh, now, that's cool.
-Isn't it? I mean,
it's Tchaikovsky.

Otherwise, we would have
invited you and Tina.

"Otherwise"?

What do you mean, "otherwise"?

Well, it's Tchaikovsky.
It's classical.

Yeah, I know who Tchaikovsky is.

Oh. Well, I just, I didn't think
that was your thing.

Oh, not our thing?

What, because Tina and I
are too uncultured

to like classical music?
Is that it, Dave?

No, no. No, look,

I-I just had always
thought of you

as more of a-a jazz, soul...

L'il Side Baby type of guy.

Oh, okay, okay, now I get it.

Thanks for clarifying.

What, do you just picture me
standing over a trash can fire

warming my hands
singing doo-wop?

* Doo woo... *

No, come on.
Calvin, I didn't say that.

Well, you didn't have to.
Eh, a lowbrow like me

couldn't possibly appreciate
classical music

the way a sophisticate
like you does.

Ha. I got it.

Calvin, I didn't mean it
like that.

You know what? Why don't
you and Tina come with us?

You know what? We will.

Great.
Looking forward to a night

of Tchaikovsky.

Oh, yeah.

(door opens)

Tina, do you want
to hear the crap

that just came out
of Dave's mouth?

Is this about black spatulas
being toxic again?

I am not replacing
all my spatulas.

No.

Dave got tickets
to the Hollywood Bowl,

but didn't invite us
because he assumed

that we don't like
classical music.

How ignorant is that?

(chuckles)

Hey, do you want to hear
something crazy?

Calvin wants to go
to that concert with us.

Really?

Yeah, you know,
you think you somebody.

Turns out,
he loves classical music.

I hate classical music.

Then why are we going?

Because he assumes
that we don't want to go.

I mean, Dave thinks
he's more cultured than us

because he likes music
with a clarinet

and that big-ass violin.

Cellos?

No, babe, you know,
the-the violin.

The big one,
they put it on the floor.

With-with the pointy leg.

You know...

That's definitely a cello.

Good. Good, good.

You know what? I can't wait
to let his ass know I know that.

Oh, well, it'll be fun
to have them along.

Remember, we always talked about

going to see
more classical music.

Yeah, and yet you notice
we never actually went?

(Dave sighs)

Look, truth is
I'm not into that stuff.

You know, my mom used to
make me go, but only because

her special friend Steve
played the French horn.

So just give them
all four tickets.

And let Calvin think
that I'm some sort of bumpkin?

No way. We have to go.

We have to go, Tina.

-Why?
-To make a point.

Just because we don't happen
to like classical music

doesn't mean that we aren't
classical music people.

That's exactly what it means.

Wow.

-Whose side are you on?
-What?

* *

So you and Calvin will bring
sandwiches to the concert,

and Dave will bring
a charcuterie board.

Oh. Is Dave going to do

all those weird origami things
with the cold cuts?

He sure is. You know Dave
loves his meat flowers.

-Tina.
-Yeah?

Brought back your Tupperware.

Hey, any chance
you made lasagna last night?

Get away from me.

I'll just put these
on the table.

Okay, so let's talk wine.

Mm. Well, we'll be at the Bowl
for like three hours.

How many bottles
should we bring?

For classical music? A case.

(laughing):
What?

It's not gonna be that bad.

-TINA: Mm.
-Look, if you want to have

a good time at something boring,

my extensive research suggests
you should take gummies.

Gummies, huh?

Well, it's an idea.

But... should we?

-I mean, we have to.
-We can't.

-It's fine.
-But we could.

-We'll have wine, too.
-I don't know.

Let's go.

Look... look, I'm telling you,

it's gotten me through
a lot of things

that I didn't want to go to.

Oh. Gemma, we are doing it.

(gasps) We're so bad.

Trey, do you know any dealers?

Dealers? This is California.

There's five weed shops
on Marengo.

Hey, look.
Tell them Trey sent you,

you'll get ten dollars off.

(gasps) Which one?

Any one of them.

* *

Oh, good news.

The tickets came
with a parking pass.

Uh, just so you know,
it is stacked.

-So?
-I'm just saying, if you want

to leave the concert early,
you won't be able to.

Are you saying that you want
to leave early, Dave?

No, no, no.

No, not me. Don't be silly.

I can't get enough Tchaikovsky.

Oh. Me, either.

Did you know
that he died of cholera

nine days after the premiere
of his Sixth Symphony?

-Oh, yeah, no. I-I knew that.
-Yeah, it was, uh, 18, uh, 93.

Nine, nine, nine, nine... 93.
Yeah, that's the year he died.

-Yeah, I'm-a pop my gummy now.
-Oh, God, yes.

(stammers)

Be cool, be cool, be cool.

Dave's a narc.

(feigning a cough):
Oh. Oh, God.

That nagging cough is back.

(coughing)

Excuse me while I cough.

(coughs dramatically)

That's better.

-Smooth. Real smooth.
-Mm. I know.

*

All right. Here it is.

The Trophy Divas of Brentwood.

Oh, my God,
there's five seasons.

Oh. Okay.

Uh, where do you want to start?

I don't really think
it matters, Marty.

How about this one? Look.

"Three Facelifts and a Funeral."

What's that even mean?

Hey.

-Hey.
-Hey.

I found it.

Mercedes' personal brand
of rosé.

And it's the good stuff.

Two bottles for nine dollars.

SAVANNAH (over TV):
Previously on
Trophy Divas of Brentwood...

Don't you ever talk about

my (glass breaks) husband,
you bi--

MERCEDES:
You mean the husband I saw at
the Rooster House last night?

Stop filming! I want a producer!

-I need a producer!
-(crowd clamoring)

Oh, my God, d-did that woman
just take her wig off

and throw it in Mercedes' soup?

Okay, okay, I...

I think we need to start
from the previous episode

so we can see
how we got to wig in soup.

-Yeah.
-Okay.

* *

-(Calvin mutters)
-Calvin, please.

What? I'm hungry.

Well, let me take a picture

of my charcuterie art
for my Insta first.

Oh, oh, wait, wait.

I got to put my biscotti
assortment up there.

What's that look for, Dave?

You thought I'd bring a common
cookie to a philharmonic?

(chuckles) How gauche.

Okay, well, for the record,
I, too, love biscotti.

And I can't wait
to hear the cello.

Who brought the black tongs?

Well, congratulations.

The platter is now contaminated.

(hushed):
It's Mr. Ryan,
the teacher from our school.

-So?
-So? I'm high as a kite.

Well, you...
you weren't just a second ago.

Well, these things
really kick in fast.

Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down, okay, Gemma?

-Okay.
-It's just in your head.

-I'm cool. I am cool.
-Be cool.

Okay.

I'm just gonna look this way
the whole concert.

Wow. Principal Johnson, Tina.

Small world.

Hello, Mr. Ryan.

So lovely to see you
under the stars.

Are you also here
for the concert?

Aren't we all?

-You good?
-I-I sure am.

(Gemma laughing)

He knows.

(electronic music
playing over TV)

-(music ends)
-I got to say,

that episode was a'ight.

-Yes, it was. Yeah.
-Yeah, but Mercedes was wrong

for getting on the ATV

-with London's man.
-Yeah.

But Sienna tried to warn her.

Yeah, but she's not gonna
listen to Sienna

after that fight with Savannah.

Why is every woman on this show

named after a city or a car?

(laughs)

All right, you know what?

I'm glad we did that. (grunts)

(grunts) I think I'm starting
to get a better sense

-of her personality.
-Yeah.

So, Laker game?

Hell yeah.

-(chuckles): Let's go.
-(whistle blows over TV)

(crowd exclaiming over TV)

I wonder what's gonna happen
on Tahoe's yacht.

It's not gonna be good.

Especially after
Sienna said her neck

had more lines
than notebook paper.

And you know Tahoe's
got them hands.

-Yeah.
-Well, I mean, look.

The Lakers are already up
by four in the second quarter.

We know how this is gonna end.

What we don't know is what's
gonna happen on that yacht.

-Turn it back!
-Come on.

One more episode.

-Somebody going overboard.
-Yeah, somebody dying today.

-Rosé me.
-Let's go.

(orchestra playing
classical music)

Mr. Ryan is going
to tell everybody.

I'm done.

I'm gonna be on Dateline.

(imitating reporter):
It was a night of music

that turned into a nightmare
of drug-fueled mayhem

for the pretty principal.

Gemma!

Don't nobody know your ass.

And besides, gummies are legal.

Shh!

You shush!

You're killing my vibe.

Calvin, what is wrong
with our wives?

Whoo!

Oh, I'm starving.

Oh, pepperoni flower!

Oh, my God.

Oh, oh. These cheese cubes,

they-they look just like dice.

(chuckles)
Come on now.

Baby need a new pair of shoes.

Did she just throw cheese at me?

Calvin, if I didn't know better,

I would say that they were high.

Calvin?

Calvin.

What, Dave?
I'm in the zone here.

Do you have an earbud in?

Hey.

Give me that.

-Oh.
-The Lakers game?

Dave, you put my earbud
in your ear?

That's nasty.

Tina,

you got a Wet-Nap?

(gruffly):
"Tina, you got a Wet-Nap?"

-Tina. You hear that?
-Huh?

Every time I talk,

I hear somebody saying
what I'm saying,

and she sounds just like me.

You know, Dave,
if I didn't know better,

I would think
our wives are high as hell.

That is what I was trying
to tell you.

This is great.

They're stoned
and you're not even listening

to this boring funeral music.

Boring?

So you don't like it?

No. And neither do you.

You know, if you didn't like it,
why didn't you just tell me?

Well, that's because you assumed
I didn't like it.

And you don't.

But it's not because
I couldn't like it.

I like sophisticated stuff.

(chuckles)
I like biscotti.

Uh, you do?

No, they hard as hell.

Whatever.

You know what,
here's your earbud back.

I'm not putting this back
in my ear.

It's got your wax on it.

And now, thanks to you,
all I got to do is just sit here

and listen to this.

I'm sorry, but will you guys
please quiet down?

We'll do you one better, Scott.
We're gonna leave.

-We're leaving. We are leaving.
-Oh, God, yes. Yes.
-Oh, please.

We're in stacked parking!
Nobody's going anywhere.

Cheech, Chong, sit down.

Now Mr. Ryan definitely knows.

-RYAN and CALVIN and DAVE:
Everybody knows!
-Ah!

* *

(Trophy Divas of Brentwood
theme music playing)

I got to say,

Mama was right.

Mercedes does have layers.

You know, in a weird way,
I admire her resilience

-and her honesty.
-Yeah.

Okay, am I the only one

that got teary-eyed
when she sang "Hallelujah"

at her Frenchie's funeral?

No, you were not.

Pepper went way too soon.

Oh, Lord.

All right.

You know what?

I think I am ready
to write for her now.

-I can definitely hear
her voice.
-Oh.

And when she's not screaming
and throwing things,

she's actually
pretty interesting.

And sent. Ha-ha.

-Sent what?
-(chuckles)

I just sent Savannah a DM
on Instagram.

What?

She just found out
that her husband is gay

at a dog funeral.

I got a shot.

-That is true. Yeah.
-You're not wrong.

It's-it's a long shot...

(Tchaikovsky's
Romeo and Juliet playing)

Calvin, you okay?

I'm fine.

Are you high, too?

No, Dave,
I'm just listening to the music.

You actually like this?

It's actually
the most beautiful thing

I've ever heard in my life.

Really?

Okay, well,

I guess I underestimated you.

You know, your ignorance
is astounding.

-Calvin, I'm sorry. I had no--
-Shh!

* *

(music builds)

(whoops)

Yeah, baby!

* *

(overture ending)

(Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture
playing)

Can we talk about the dinner
party with the psychic?

-Oh. Insane.
-That was the best.

Oh, Madame Rosa was uncanny.

-Yes.
-Now, look,
I'm a man of science,

but Barcelona should've listened
when she predicted

-Clay would cheat on her.
-Right, right.
-Oh.

With her accountability coach?

That part. That part.

See?

-I knew you guys would love it.
-Yeah.

Ooh. Speaking of which,

-you know, the reunion show
just dropped.
-(gasps)

You want to pop the rest
of these bad boys and watch it?

-Heck yeah. We are so bad.
-Hey.

(chuckles)

Wait for it.

*

(overture ends)

Ah.

Gets me every time.

I'm sorry, Calvin. You know,

I should've
never musically profiled you.

Well, I'm not surprised.

Calvin has always appreciated

exquisite beauty.

-Obviously.
-Mm. (chuckles)

-That's right.
-(chuckles)

Hey, you think I can get
Trey's, uh, phone back?

Aw, I gave it back.

But, uh,

you could fish around in there

and see what else you can find.

(chuckling devilishly)

-Why?! Why?!
-Let's go, man.

* *

Captioning sponsored by
CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org