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1
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:04,004
.
2
00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:11,011
♪
3
00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:18,801
- Evening.
What can I get you?
4
00:00:18,844 --> 00:00:22,413
- Oh, just the usual.
5
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:26,504
- Oh, roger that, little honey.
6
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:30,073
You know, talking on the CB,
7
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:33,337
you know, pulling the little
string to beep the horn.
8
00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,600
- You know, uh,
you've been coming in here
9
00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:37,689
every night
since I started here,
10
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,387
so I just wanted
to let you know
11
00:00:39,430 --> 00:00:42,042
that tonight is my last night.
12
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:44,566
Uh, where you going?
13
00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:47,438
- Back to my old job.
This was just temporary.
14
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:48,700
A few months ago,
15
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:51,181
a coworker and I were
suspended for--
16
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,748
- I don't need to hear
the details!
17
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,706
Thank you.
18
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,579
- I've got this manager,
19
00:00:57,622 --> 00:00:59,059
great guy.
20
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:01,365
- Aw.
21
00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:03,715
I bet he misses you.
22
00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:05,456
I bet he would have
done anything
23
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,328
to see you while you were gone.
24
00:01:07,371 --> 00:01:10,592
- He was allowed to see me
if he wanted.
25
00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:14,509
better safe than sorry.
26
00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:17,077
You know, um...
27
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,210
Well, I better get back
to the big rig.
28
00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:23,387
You know, the road is calling.
29
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:26,738
Thanks for the company.
30
00:01:26,782 --> 00:01:28,566
- Yep, and, um...
31
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:32,614
thank you for always
tipping 20 bucks
32
00:01:32,657 --> 00:01:34,790
on a $2 coffee
that you never drink.
33
00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:38,402
- Yeah...
ten-four, good buddy.
34
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:42,493
- Hope I get to see you
around sometime.
35
00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:47,324
Might be sooner than you think.
36
00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:52,286
♪
37
00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,245
- Attention,
Cloud 9 shoppers--
38
00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:56,812
it's "back to school" time,
39
00:01:56,855 --> 00:01:58,901
so check out our discounts
on notebooks,
40
00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:00,859
pencils, art supplies, rulers,
41
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:03,819
dictionaries, weekly planners,
and calculators.
42
00:02:03,862 --> 00:02:07,649
Or you guys can just use
your phones for all that stuff.
43
00:02:07,692 --> 00:02:10,478
At least
Black Friday's only a day.
44
00:02:10,521 --> 00:02:12,784
This... this is two weeks
45
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:15,178
of watching
ugly kids try on pants.
46
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,528
- And I cannot wait
for all the crap
47
00:02:17,572 --> 00:02:19,530
we're gonna get
for our sex tape.
48
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:24,361
'Cause it wasn't on tape.
49
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:27,147
It was more like a sex stream.
50
00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:28,800
- Oh, no, sex stream's
something else.
51
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:30,498
That involves a stepladder
and a tarp.
52
00:02:30,541 --> 00:02:31,934
- Everyone's gonna be like,
53
00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:34,284
"Oh, better keep these two
out of the photo lab."
54
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:36,808
Or like, "Uh, why aren't
you guys together now?"
55
00:02:38,506 --> 00:02:39,811
No.
56
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:42,466
- Oh, okay.
57
00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:44,642
Why aren't you
guys together now?
58
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,862
Like, if some dummy asks
that question...
59
00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:48,646
what would you say to her?
60
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,213
- I don't know--
for starters,
61
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:52,215
the fact that I'm
extremely pregnant
62
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,261
with my ex-husband's child
is not a great time
63
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,740
to start a new relationship.
64
00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,612
- I'm not letting my pregnancy
slow me down.
65
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,962
I'm banging my way through
my whole indoor-soccer team...
66
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:01,572
and the refs.
67
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:03,226
- If you do decide
to have sex again,
68
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,488
just check for cameras.
69
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:05,794
- We're not--
70
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:07,274
- Or have sex on
a green sheet.
71
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:09,319
That way, you can
superimpose yourself
72
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:12,627
doing it on a magic carpet
or in outer space.
73
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,672
Bo did that
for our anniversary.
74
00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,326
- The bed of my truck
is always available.
75
00:03:16,370 --> 00:03:17,893
I'm happy to drive around
the whole time.
76
00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:20,243
Less likely somebody
will film you.
77
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:23,855
- These are all
excellent ideas, thank you.
78
00:03:23,899 --> 00:03:26,771
- So Amy and Jonah are back.
79
00:03:26,815 --> 00:03:29,513
That's got to be
a real kick in your crotch.
80
00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:30,993
- No, it's fine.
81
00:03:31,036 --> 00:03:33,561
I mean, I thought that
it would feel weird
82
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:34,866
to see Jonah again,
83
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:37,260
but I actually think
that I'm over it.
84
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,697
- You're over it.
85
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:42,352
That's boring.
86
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:44,528
- Uh...
87
00:03:44,572 --> 00:03:46,835
thanks for
checking in, though!
88
00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:49,838
[The Go-Go's "Vacation"
playing over speakers]
89
00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:54,234
♪
90
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:56,888
- Okay. So, Sara, I need you to
keep cycling out the bins.
91
00:03:56,932 --> 00:03:58,934
Mateo, if you could move
salvage off the floor,
92
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:01,371
you can just stick it
in the...
93
00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:02,894
in the p-photo lab.
94
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,679
- Photo lab. Okay, you got it.
95
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:10,380
- Okay. Um...
96
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,817
Carol and Justine, I'm moving
you to school supplies.
97
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,515
We need to keep everything
organized this year,
98
00:04:14,558 --> 00:04:16,343
or we're gonna get screwed.
99
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,954
Okay. Sorry, that was
a poor choice of words.
100
00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:22,566
- School supplies! Got it.
- Sure thing, Amy.
101
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,307
- Okay...
102
00:04:25,787 --> 00:04:27,528
Um...
103
00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,660
let's just make sure that
everything is restocked
104
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:31,401
at all times.
105
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,925
We--we don't want to get caught
with our pants down.
106
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,536
- Mm.
- Mm.
107
00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,321
Huh.
108
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,498
- No, nothing's funny.
Nothing's funny.
109
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:43,631
This is going so much better
than I thought.
110
00:04:43,674 --> 00:04:46,547
- You're literally just reading
words off a clipboard.
111
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:49,637
- Oh, hey,
no, no, no, no, no.
112
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,508
Have you met J
113
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,684
- Oh, we're calling you
J
114
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:54,946
This makes me happy.
115
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:58,341
- This guy shreds ass.
- Mm-hmm.
116
00:04:58,385 --> 00:05:00,561
- You want to learn how to
shred ass, you go see J-Bone.
117
00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:04,086
- I-I'm not--there's...
better people.
118
00:05:04,129 --> 00:05:06,306
- Hey! So give us the scoop,
J-Bone.
119
00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,351
Sex with Amy,
was it awesome?
120
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,613
- You know, I--
121
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,311
we don't really
need to talk about this.
122
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:12,703
'Cause the sex sucked?
123
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,531
It did kind of look
like it sucked.
124
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:15,967
- No, it didn't suck.
It--
125
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,492
- Yeah! I knew it!
I knew it didn't suck!
126
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:21,451
Oh, yeah! Yeah, baby!
127
00:05:21,495 --> 00:05:23,018
You get it, girl.
- Yeah! In and out!
128
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:24,933
Your body is a wonderland!
129
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:26,978
- You're enjoying this sex,
aren't you?
130
00:05:27,022 --> 00:05:28,589
- Mateo!
131
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:30,373
- Ugh. He's back.
132
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:31,853
- Oh, he's such
a thirsty bitch.
133
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:32,854
- I know...
134
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,464
- Hey, there he is!
135
00:05:34,508 --> 00:05:36,074
At first, I was like, "Is that
Mateo or the Rock?"
136
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,641
- Hi, Jeff.
137
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:39,730
What brings you
to the store...again?
138
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,645
- Yeah, for someone who works
at corporate,
139
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:42,994
you're here a lot.
140
00:05:43,038 --> 00:05:45,040
- Well, I'm not gonna forget
about my peeps
141
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,520
just 'cause I got promoted.
142
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:48,391
I mean, I can still stop by
now and then.
143
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:51,394
- Isn't it, like, a five-hour
drive from Chicago?
144
00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:53,483
- Not on a corporate jet.
145
00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:56,007
Which I didn't take this time,
146
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:58,009
but I have seen
the corporate jet.
147
00:05:58,053 --> 00:06:00,011
Really cool wings.
148
00:06:00,055 --> 00:06:02,927
Anyway, uh, if you guys ever
wanted to come visit me,
149
00:06:02,971 --> 00:06:04,712
I'd love to show you
around Chi-Town.
150
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:06,670
They've got
some great museums, I think,
151
00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:08,498
and, you know,
if it's a fun night,
152
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:09,891
I've got a big place,
you could stay over--
153
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:11,849
- Jeff, I've moved on.
154
00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:14,025
- Okay, I've moved on, too.
155
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,941
God, get over yourself.
156
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:19,857
I am doing very well.
157
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,642
So, anyways, let me give
you guys my business card.
158
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,731
Just give me a call for--
any reason is fine, of course.
159
00:06:23,774 --> 00:06:25,733
I'm always here to help.
160
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:29,040
Are you not gonna...
161
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:30,825
Only 'cause if--
162
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:32,696
I get a finite amount,
and they eventually--
163
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,437
It starts to come out
of my paycheck.
164
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,047
You know, I'm gonna go ahead
and take it back now. Okay.
165
00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:41,139
- Well, well, look at you,
back at it, huh?
166
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:43,577
God, no one can
stack things in a pile
167
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,969
like my gal Amy.
168
00:06:45,013 --> 00:06:46,971
- You know, I thought it
was going to be
169
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:49,757
nonstop people talking
about the...incident.
170
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,020
But no one's even
mentioning it.
171
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,630
- Of course not.
172
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:55,545
There's no need for people
to bring up something
173
00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:57,504
that you're already
embarrassed about.
174
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:58,896
- Yeah, but when we found out
175
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,550
Gene was having sex
on his lunch break,
176
00:07:00,594 --> 00:07:02,857
people called him Sex-Ma-Gene
for a year.
177
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,728
I mean, it barely made
sense, but it stuck.
178
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,904
- Yeah. I know, but come on,
that's different,
179
00:07:06,948 --> 00:07:09,907
Sex-Ma-Gene's a guy.
It's less embarrassing for him.
180
00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:12,954
- Um...that's--that's sexist.
181
00:07:12,997 --> 00:07:17,175
- No. No. No, no, no,
I-I did not mean that
182
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:18,612
in a sexist way.
183
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:20,440
- What you're saying is that
184
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:23,181
no one is talking to me
about the whole sex thing
185
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:25,619
because they think,
as a woman,
186
00:07:25,662 --> 00:07:28,099
I must be filled with shame
about it.
187
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,972
- Maybe...
188
00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:32,495
or maybe I'm wrong!
189
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:33,975
I don't know.
I mean, things are changing.
190
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:37,674
I haven't really caught up
with this whole MeToo thing.
191
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:40,503
All I know is that one day
Charlie Rose was there,
192
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:43,201
and the next day he wasn't.
193
00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:46,727
.
194
00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,816
- Hey.
- Hey.
195
00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,687
- Are people talking to you
about the sex tape?
196
00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:51,862
- Oh, my God, it's nonstop.
197
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:53,821
- No one has said
anything to me.
198
00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:55,692
- Oh. That's cool.
199
00:07:55,736 --> 00:07:57,302
- No. It sucks.
200
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,043
- But I thought you don't want
people to talk about it.
201
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:00,567
- I don't.
202
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,743
- And people aren't
talking about it.
203
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:03,744
- Right...
204
00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:08,183
- No! It's messed up.
205
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,054
Why should I be ashamed
of having sex with you?
206
00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,708
- You shouldn't.
- I know!
207
00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,841
- You should be proud!
- Yes!
208
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:16,104
No! No. Not because of this--
209
00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:18,062
because it's a double standard.
210
00:08:18,106 --> 00:08:21,065
So, for men, sex is, like,
an accomplishment.
211
00:08:21,109 --> 00:08:23,807
And for women, it's that
I got taken advantage of?
212
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,244
- Trust me, you do not want to
have the day that I'm having.
213
00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:30,031
They--they keep, like,
like, thrusting their pelvises
214
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:31,728
and calling me J-Bone.
215
00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:34,905
I didn't get a nickname.
216
00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:37,081
- I feel like you're missing
the point.
217
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:41,912
- If you're J-Bone,
then I want to be A...hole.
218
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,744
- Obviously not.
219
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,354
See you around, A-hole.
220
00:08:49,398 --> 00:08:51,095
- Shut up!
221
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:53,576
- I mean, it's like he's mad
at me for no reason at all.
222
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,143
- He's not mad at you
for no reason.
223
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:57,101
He's mad at you because you
sold out Myrtle
224
00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,276
for a corporate job.
225
00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,974
- But--Well--
226
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:01,236
You guys don't hate me.
227
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,804
- Oh, yeah, we do.
We all hate you.
228
00:09:03,847 --> 00:09:05,153
- Okay, fine.
229
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:07,721
Um, what can I do
to make it up to you guys?
230
00:09:07,764 --> 00:09:09,287
- Give Myrtle her job back.
231
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,941
- I don't have
the power to do that.
232
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:12,943
I'm not even allowed to spend
more than $12 on lunch
233
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,423
without authorization.
234
00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,947
There's got to be
something I can do
235
00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:19,167
to make you guys love me
the way you used to.
236
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,299
- Um, we never
loved you, so...
237
00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:25,782
- Wait! Why--why wouldn't--
why not?
238
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,871
- We don't know what
you're talking about.
239
00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,612
- Shut up, shut up,
shut up, shut up.
240
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,222
Okay, I can't get you Myrtle,
241
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,311
but I can get you
something better.
242
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,879
Just get ready, okay?
243
00:09:37,751 --> 00:09:40,797
For the surprise!
244
00:09:40,841 --> 00:09:42,712
This afternoon!
245
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:48,979
- I saw some kids getting
high on the markers.
246
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:50,677
- Mm-hmm.
247
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,157
- Nope, just recap the markers
when they're done.
248
00:09:53,201 --> 00:09:55,072
- Hey guys!
Excuse me.
249
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:57,640
Um, could we just
gather around
250
00:09:57,684 --> 00:09:59,163
for a quick sec?
251
00:09:59,207 --> 00:10:02,863
Um...I know that
everyone is walking
252
00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:04,342
on eggshells around me.
253
00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:07,084
And I just want you
to know,
254
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:11,132
that I am not embarrassed
that I had sex.
255
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:13,482
- Oh, Amy, sure you're not,
sweetie.
256
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,963
- You don't have to say that.
- No, I mean it!
257
00:10:16,006 --> 00:10:18,922
Guess what, people--
I have sex.
258
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:21,142
And I like having sex.
259
00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:24,798
There's nothing wrong with
someone liking and having sex.
260
00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:26,756
- Yeah! Even a woman,
believe it or not!
261
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,845
Take notes, young man,
the future is female.
262
00:10:28,889 --> 00:10:30,412
And I get it!
263
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:32,022
- Okay! Well, that's it.
264
00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:33,981
That's all I wanted
to say, so...
265
00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,852
I'm gonna go
back to work now,
266
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:39,769
and I will be thinking
about sex, if I want to.
267
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:43,773
Got sex on my mind,
and my mind on my sex!
268
00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:47,168
Aren't you a little child?
269
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:51,041
- ♪ And I don't want the world
to see me ♪
270
00:10:51,085 --> 00:10:54,349
♪ 'Cause I don't think
that they'd understand ♪
271
00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:56,394
- It doesn't matter
what the surprise is, okay?
272
00:10:56,438 --> 00:10:58,745
I'm not getting back together
with him. It's over.
273
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,398
- I bet Jeff's getting us
a taco truck.
274
00:11:00,442 --> 00:11:03,010
- Ooh, or maybe
an ice cream truck.
275
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:05,055
- Ooh, I hope it's
a pizza truck.
276
00:11:05,099 --> 00:11:07,231
Sorry, guys, kind of
a pizza freak.
277
00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:10,017
- Everyone loves pizza, so
it's not a personality trait.
278
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:12,541
- Here's a crazy idea--
what if it's not a food truck?
279
00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:15,457
- Ooh, maybe he's gonna give
us each, like, $50.
280
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,720
- Maybe he's planning
on murdering Mateo.
281
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,157
Think about it,
big surprise,
282
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,942
nobody's gonna see it coming.
283
00:11:21,985 --> 00:11:24,335
I mean, If anybody was gonna
snap, it'd be that guy.
284
00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:26,424
- Okay, so it's either a snack,
285
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:29,079
an arbitrary amount of money,
or Mateo dies.
286
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,168
I guess it's got to be
one of those three things.
287
00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,953
- Mm.
- It's got to be.
288
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:34,868
- Shredder!
289
00:11:34,911 --> 00:11:36,347
- All right, okay.
290
00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:38,349
- Hey, man, this guy
shreds ass!
291
00:11:38,393 --> 00:11:39,437
- Sorry, I--
292
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:41,178
Guys, stop, all right?
293
00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:42,963
You know what?
It's--it's demeaning.
294
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:46,270
You guys are acting like sex
was something I did to Amy.
295
00:11:46,314 --> 00:11:47,576
You know,
like I conquered her.
296
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,099
- Oh!
- Yeah, you did!
297
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:51,449
- All hail J-Bone,
the conquerer!
298
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:53,887
- I feel like you're grasping
on to the wrong words here.
299
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:56,759
Uh, Amy was
an equal participant, okay?
300
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,456
So all also hail Amy,
301
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,808
the mutual intercourse
partner!
302
00:12:01,851 --> 00:12:03,940
- Uh...
- We'll handle the nicknames.
303
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,768
You just keep shredding,
shredder.
304
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,596
- Yeah.
305
00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:10,555
Hey, is your favorite movie
"Waking Shred Devine"?
306
00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:14,603
- That's what she shred.
307
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,001
- I just wanted to say--
308
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,480
I totally get what
you were saying before
309
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:24,134
about liking sex.
310
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:26,136
I think that's really cool.
311
00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:30,227
- Okay. Thank you.
312
00:12:30,271 --> 00:12:31,794
- So...
313
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,144
do you want to,
like, do it?
314
00:12:36,886 --> 00:12:38,235
- I have a condom.
315
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,498
- Oh, my God! No! No!
316
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:43,153
- But you said
you like sex.
317
00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:44,981
- Not with you.
318
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,376
- No, no. No. Don't--
319
00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:51,509
- Um, Noam, don't cry.
320
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:53,033
I'm not crying.
321
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:57,211
I don't even like you!
322
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:00,344
.
323
00:13:00,388 --> 00:13:02,390
- Noam, it's okay, come out!
324
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,479
- No. Can someone
call my mom
325
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:05,872
or my stepdad's
work number?
326
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,569
- Your mom's at the dentist,
327
00:13:07,612 --> 00:13:09,658
and your stepdad said
that he doesn't care.
328
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:10,746
- Okay.
329
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,401
Noam
330
00:13:13,444 --> 00:13:15,795
You're gonna come out
of that tent, okay, hon?
331
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:19,407
Now, whether you're conscious
or unconscious is up to you.
332
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:21,801
- Are you really gonna throw
a bug bomb in there?
333
00:13:21,844 --> 00:13:23,411
- No!
334
00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:24,804
Yeah, I am.
335
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:27,415
- Oh, Noam assaulted Amy,
336
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:28,895
and now he won't come
out of the tent.
337
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:29,896
- No...
338
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,332
it was not an assault,
339
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,508
it was a...
misunderstanding.
340
00:13:33,551 --> 00:13:34,770
- Exactly!
341
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,772
And misunderstandings
can't be assault.
342
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,643
- Well...they can.
343
00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:40,863
- Yes, they can,
and they usually are.
344
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,865
- Attention, employees--
make your way to the break room
345
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,475
for a harassment meeting.
346
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,260
Shoppers, go about your business.
347
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,870
This is a private matter
348
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:50,438
concerning our floor manager,
Amy, and a 14-year-old boy.
349
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:52,744
- Dina, please,
can we just not?
350
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:54,616
I-I was hoping to get
through my first day
351
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:56,313
without a harassment meeting.
352
00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:57,924
- Oh, you should have started
up last Friday.
353
00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,404
We didn't need any harassment
meetings last Friday.
354
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:01,928
- Perfect swish.
355
00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:04,800
- Hey, guys,
he's not coming out.
356
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,934
- Well, then we can't
do this meeting. Bummer.
357
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,806
- I got this.
Giuseppe! Alex!
358
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,374
Giuseppe W.!
Everybody grab a corner.
359
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,376
We're taking this bad boy
to the break room.
360
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:17,595
- Hey, uh, Glenn,
should we all
361
00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,467
really be leaving the floor
during back to school?
362
00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:20,947
I mean, come on, that's like--
363
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,818
that's like playing
the Super Bowl with only--
364
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,559
uh, with fewer players
365
00:14:24,602 --> 00:14:26,561
than a football team
would normally have.
366
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:27,954
- Good point.
367
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:30,347
Okay, we'll leave
a skeleton crew.
368
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:32,959
Kelly!
You're in charge.
369
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:38,486
- ♪ I'm only human
370
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:43,447
♪ Of flesh and blood
I'm made ♪
371
00:14:43,491 --> 00:14:44,448
- We'll make this quick.
372
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:45,841
There was an incident
373
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,757
relating to
a sexual proposition
374
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,368
between Amy
and another employee.
375
00:14:51,412 --> 00:14:52,848
No need to name names.
376
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,632
It was Noam.
377
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:55,982
- Noam.
378
00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:58,680
- Oh. Hi, Noam.
- Hi.
379
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:00,682
- Do you want me to get
the harassment video?
380
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,684
- Oh, no, the old videos
don't apply anymore.
381
00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:06,079
We are living in a brave, new,
MeToo, Time's Up,
382
00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:08,124
"This Is Us" kind of world.
383
00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:09,691
There are no rules anymore.
384
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:12,041
But also,
there's nothing but rules.
385
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,435
- Wait.
So Amy banged Noam, too?
386
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,567
- No!
God, no, nothing happened.
387
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:19,135
- Good, 'cause he's
a child. He can't consent.
388
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:21,529
- They say consent
is irrelevant.
389
00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:23,357
- I think you mean
"intent is irrelevant."
390
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,925
Consent is pretty much
the whole point.
391
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:28,753
- Also, she's a supervisor,
so double illegal.
392
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:30,059
- So was it illegal
393
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:31,756
when Amy forced Jonah
to have sex with her?
394
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,150
- Nobody forced me
to have sex with them.
395
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:36,370
- But you might have felt
like you couldn't say no
396
00:15:36,413 --> 00:15:37,980
because Amy was
in the power position.
397
00:15:38,024 --> 00:15:40,026
- Nuh-uh, Jonah
was on top.
398
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,636
- Does it matter
who's on top?
399
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:43,812
- It really doesn't.
- It really does.
400
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:47,598
- I like reverse cowgirl
because there's no eye contact.
401
00:15:49,557 --> 00:15:51,037
- Cool info.
402
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,431
- Does anybody know
what a "DCPI" is?
403
00:15:54,475 --> 00:15:58,914
Or "Quadrant 12"?
Where is Quadrant 12?
404
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,916
Oh, Dan!
405
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,049
Dan, are you
going to Quadrant 12?
406
00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,659
Dan!
407
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:09,011
Because who MeToo'd who?
408
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:11,796
I mean, Jonah's the man,
but Amy's the one in charge.
409
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,625
- A woman can't take
advantage of a man.
410
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:17,019
- Hey! Amy can force
an underling to have sex
411
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,586
just as easily as a man!
412
00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:20,022
- Right!
413
00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:22,894
- I mean, I didn't,
and I wouldn't, but I could.
414
00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:25,549
- And she will.
- Yeah, that was not my point.
415
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:26,942
- Hey, I'm trying really
hard to defend you,
416
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,161
but you're making
it pretty tough.
417
00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:29,684
- This isn't harassment.
418
00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:31,860
Jonah and Amy are meant
for each other.
419
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:32,948
- Then why aren't
they together?
420
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:36,212
- Maybe the sex was bad.
It looked bad.
421
00:16:36,256 --> 00:16:37,692
- Guys, we shouldn't
be talking
422
00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:38,780
about this
in front of Amy.
423
00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,521
- No! That is--
424
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:42,653
Okay, you guys want to talk
about what happened?
425
00:16:42,697 --> 00:16:43,785
Let's talk about it.
426
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:45,091
What do you want to know?
427
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:46,614
- Don't fall for it.
It's a trick.
428
00:16:46,657 --> 00:16:48,181
- No, no, no.
I'm serious!
429
00:16:48,224 --> 00:16:51,097
Let's just get it all out there
once and for all,
430
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,970
and then we never have to talk
about it ever again.
431
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,711
Bring it on!
432
00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,714
- Are you still in love
with each other?
433
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,672
- What a stupid waste
of a first question.
434
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,935
Who cares?
Did you have an orgasm?
435
00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:06,503
- Yeah, boy!
- Guys, come on!
436
00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:07,983
- No, it's fine,
I don't want there
437
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,811
to be any unanswered
questions.
438
00:17:09,854 --> 00:17:11,943
Technically, I did
not have an orgasm.
439
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:13,945
But it still felt good.
Next question.
440
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:16,513
- Did Jonah have
an orgasm?
441
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:22,954
- Yes, yes, I did.
442
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:25,087
- "Noice"! Yeah!
443
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,698
- No! I am not
high-fiving one man
444
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:29,483
over another man's orgasm.
445
00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:31,659
- Stop using me
as a human shield!
446
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,835
Cease fire! Cease fire!
447
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,619
- Around the 14-minute mark
in the video,
448
00:17:35,663 --> 00:17:37,491
Jonah appeared to whisper
something to you.
449
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:38,796
What did he say?
450
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,494
- Oh, I think it was
something about
451
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,235
the cord from the scanner
was chafing his thigh.
452
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,714
- I knew it.
453
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:44,802
- Wow.
454
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:46,630
- Now, as a pregnant woman,
455
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,850
was it weird having two people
inside of you at once?
456
00:17:48,893 --> 00:17:50,112
- No, not really.
457
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:52,027
- Follow up on Mateo's
question--
458
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:55,770
Jonah, was it weird being one
of two people inside Amy?
459
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:56,945
- I didn't think
about it.
460
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,207
- Following up on Cheyenne,
461
00:17:58,251 --> 00:18:00,122
is it weird thinking
about it now?
462
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,297
- It's getting a
little weird, yeah.
463
00:18:01,341 --> 00:18:02,907
- Okay,
keep 'em coming, people!
464
00:18:02,951 --> 00:18:04,779
We'll be here
as long as it takes.
465
00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,172
- For my next question,
466
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,696
I'm gonna need
a church candle and a bagel.
467
00:18:10,698 --> 00:18:11,090
.
468
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:14,136
- For the first part, I would
say I don't really believe
469
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,616
in soul mates,
more like different people
470
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:18,227
for different phases of your
life type of thing.
471
00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:21,012
And for the second
part, circumcised.
472
00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:23,145
Yeah? Yeah.
473
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,234
All right,
who's next?
474
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,062
Anybody?
475
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,498
Come on, guys,
don't be shy.
476
00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:31,675
Justine
477
00:18:31,719 --> 00:18:33,242
No? Okay.
478
00:18:33,286 --> 00:18:36,332
Noam, anything you
want to say in there?
479
00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:40,336
- I think he's asleep.
- Yeah, he had a big day.
480
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,686
- All right, guys, well,
this is your last chance,
481
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,385
'cause after today, we are
never talking about this again.
482
00:18:45,428 --> 00:18:47,648
Anyone?
483
00:18:47,691 --> 00:18:49,693
- Okay!
484
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:52,653
Well, then
we are done-zo.
485
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:58,093
Okay. Let's get back to work.
486
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:01,183
- Actually, the store closed,
like, 15 minutes ago.
487
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:02,532
- Oh.
- Come on.
488
00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:03,751
- Good day, everyone.
489
00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,233
- Boom.
490
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:09,104
- Good stuff out there,
Miss Sue.
491
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:11,541
Hey, nice hustle, Dan!
492
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:14,762
So proud of us!
Love you guys!
493
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:17,547
Dina! It went great!
494
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:18,809
Well, not at first.
495
00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:20,376
At first, I got very
overwhelmed,
496
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,465
and I started to get
this rash on my chest,
497
00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:24,163
but then I thought
to myself,
498
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:26,382
"Kelly, girl,
you have been through
499
00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,732
Miss St. Louis,
you can handle this."
500
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:31,257
And so I delegated,
and I problem-solved,
501
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,216
and I rallied the troops,
and...
502
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,304
I did it.
503
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:38,264
- Okay.
504
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:44,400
- I am Myrtle,
505
00:19:44,444 --> 00:19:46,620
your Cloud 9 virtual greeter.
506
00:19:48,448 --> 00:19:51,277
You said you wanted Myrtle,
so I got you Myrtle.
507
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,235
Meet our new
automated greeter.
508
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:54,497
Hello, Myrtle.
509
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:57,196
- Welcome to Cloud 9.
510
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:58,893
- This is
the big surprise?
511
00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,244
I mean, it's got over 50
programmable greetings,
512
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:03,767
plus you can change
the background.
513
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:04,899
She's flying.
514
00:20:07,293 --> 00:20:09,686
- Um, you were mad
at me about Myrtle,
515
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:12,689
so this is, like,
the next best thing
516
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,735
to having her back.
517
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:18,478
I did this for you.
518
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,611
- It's not Myrtle.
- Bye-bye now.
519
00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:24,701
- Wait, don't go!
Look! She's at the beach, guys!
520
00:20:24,745 --> 00:20:26,268
And now a snowstorm!
521
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:27,530
And hang on, hang on, hang on,
522
00:20:27,574 --> 00:20:29,358
I can fix this,
right, real quick.
523
00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:31,708
Menu, function--
Guys! I can fix this!
524
00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,406
I did a good thing!
525
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:36,626
- ♪ Do you really want
to hurt me?
526
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,715
♪
527
00:20:38,759 --> 00:20:40,761
- Hey.
528
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:42,284
- Hey.
529
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:45,722
- So you made it through
your first day back.
530
00:20:45,766 --> 00:20:49,291
And you only
sexually harassed one teen.
531
00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,467
- Yep, took a lot
of self-control.
532
00:20:51,511 --> 00:20:53,774
- Uh, quick question--
533
00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:55,819
So many questions...
534
00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:00,433
- We had Italian last night.
535
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:01,434
Mexican.
536
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:02,522
- Okay, I'll pick it up.
537
00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:03,914
- I'll get the wine. Hey!
538
00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:05,568
- People are gonna see us.
539
00:21:05,612 --> 00:21:07,309
- Nobody's around!
540
00:21:13,707 --> 00:21:17,493
- All right.
See you soon, J-Bone.
541
00:21:17,537 --> 00:21:19,495
- Looking forward to it,
A-hole.
38634
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