All language subtitles for Iliza Shlesinger - Over and Over (2019 1080p WEBRip x264-RARBG)

I started getting ready
for the next comedy special

like the second they yelled cut
from the last one.

And I don't say that I'm ready
to do a special

unless I know I can deliver it
in x amount of months.

I don't want to waste
anyone's time.

I am shooting to kill.

For me, I'm not speaking
for anyone else,

what goes into
a Netflix special is

months of being on the road.

Thank you.
Yes!

I was doing clubs
to get ready for this,

and we planned the dates out

and ramped them up
as we get closer to the special.

Two shows a night.

Five shows in a weekend
polishing it.

So you are touring hardcore,

and you're just running it
over and over and over and over.

What goes into making
a Netflix special

is a lot of repetition.

I'm sorry.

Every week
you pack your bag,

fly somewhere...

unpack...

do your makeup,
do the show.

This doesn't make this
wanna make more of that.

No to your lineage!

Do the show.
Meet the fans.

Come back,
collapse on your bed.

Women are not used
to dealing with rejection
when it comes to sex.

We're used to dealing
with rejection when it comes
to the idea of,

I don't know,
governing our own bodies,
having our own thoughts,

getting paid the same
for the same job a man does.

They see
the Netflix special

and they don't realize
that like

everything in your career led up

to that moment,
to nailing that joke,

to having that timing,
that point of view.

And it's all a build up.

And then after
you record the special,

you erase it all
and you start,

you keep doing it over
and over and over again.

You begin slowly erasing
that last special.

So I liking it to

you have the old special,

so it's like scaffolding.

And slowly you start
taking out bricks and mortar
from the last one,

and the big set pieces
are still there

holding the set together.

And then
as the year goes on,

you start to take out
the big pieces of scaffolding

and you replace them
with new pieces.

And then you start to put in
the new crown molding,

the new bricks,
the new facade.

So it's almost like
one structure supports the other

until the new one
totally takes over.

And then
you have a new house.

Comedy is a solo sport.

And I think
what I love about stand-up
is that nobody tells me

what jokes
I can and can't do.

You really do live and die

by your own merit
up on that stage.

It's either funny
or it's not.

And if it's not funny,
that's your fault.

It's very brutal
and beautiful

and pure in that way.

This is such a thing you'd
have to post in a comedy club.

Please don't
lean on the backdrop

because there's
nothing to support it,

behind what looks pretty,

which is such a metaphor
for show business,

and don't poke
the ceiling tiles, probably
'cause they're old.

So like only comics
have to be told like, "Hey,

keep your hands to yourself
or as in most men.

But, just you
would only see that.

You would never
see that like in like

Hewlett-Packard
headquarters like,

"Please don't kick
the backs of the chairs

and don't punch the walls.

All right, you guys,
are you ready?

You've seen all her
Netflix specials, her book

her book "Girl Logic"
is out right now.

Come on, you guys.
Make it louder, let it rise.

Let it rise up.
Make it louder!

Everybody
has a different process,

and you can only
figure out your process

through trial and error,
repetition.

I'd write down a thought,

and then I'd get up
and I just talk about it.

I only do my writing on stage.

So for me getting up every night
doing a couple shows a night,

that's where I do my writing.

That's where you get your
batting practice in.

And then it gets imprinted in
and the next time I get up

which is usually
the next night,

I expound on that and I kind
of go through these things

and I just talk them out.

That's why smaller shows
are important to do that work.

This is what we do
for you gentlemen by the way,

we wear push-up bras.

There's not a woman in this room
that wears a push-up bra

when she's like
alone or sick and like home.

No woman's walking
around just like,

"I like have my tits
within licking range."

I like it when
the blood pools here.

It's a compliment when
people say you look polished.

You know, it's show business.
You're putting on a show.

I very much believe in
the showmanship.

We scan you like predator.

We go through every molecule
of your DNA like,

"Scanning for physical
abnormalities.

Is he balding?

Okay.
But is it in a weird way?

Is he wearing
embroidered jeans?

If so,

is he a European male
or just someone from Arizona?"

Like we're going
through a list.

We go through a list.

You're paying with your time
and your money to hear,

in some cases
a woman much younger than you,

tell you how it is.

So at the very least,

I should have my thoughts
well-formed.

Gentlemen, if you don't believe
me that a dragon exists

under the exterior
of every woman in this room,

the next time you leave
a woman's place in the morning,

look directly in her eye,

I promise you will see
like a nictitating membrane.

Okay?

She's like,
"Okay, have a great,
have a great day.

Bye.
Bye."

Slam. Click.

You're just flying around
your own studio apartment...

but you need the cardio.

I believe that people
laugh at things for two reasons.

They either laugh because
of a genuine understanding like,

"Oh my God.
I do that.

Oh my God.
She's saying what I'm thinking.

Oh my God.
I felt that.
I've done.

I've thought that."

Or, "Oh my gosh,
that's so insane.

I have no frame
of reference for that."
That's hilarious.

The peacock...

it sounds

like a tired prostitute.

Like the peacock's just standing
there on the corner like,

"You wanna fuck or what?

I have a room."

I thought I did well.
I was happy with it.

I wasn't in love
with the crowd.

Um, there's like patches
that were very quiet.

I think the microphone
was shitty at the beginning.

Um...

I couldn't hear myself
in the monitor

which makes me yell more.

But that's what I get
for not doing a sound check.

Ever.

Honestly the documentary
should be the a,

the hard a storyline
is just b-role of Blanche.

She's like
this beautiful thing,

but she will not
hesitate to eat vomit
right off the street.

This is a scarf
a fan made her

and then sometimes,
this is so gross,

and I don't care,

I'll lift up a flap,

and I'll get a little hit.

I get a little hit.

Stinky.
Stinky, stinky, stinky.

Hey!

Oh!

She's so special.

Blanche is my dog.

She was in the first
Netflix special,

and she's become my intrepid
stalwart companion

by my side.

I mean, have you ever seen a dog
this special?

She's ready to go.

Can I zip you up?

Should I zip you up
in that suitcase and take you?

She doesn't understand.

I just take her to the shows
and now she comes out,

if we do a theatre,
she runs across the stage.

Wow! Look at Alfina!

At the meet and greet
people can meet her.

Yes. Yes.

We have this Narrative
of like Blanche

when she was at the shelter
like before I knew her

and she gets up during dinner
and all the other dogs are like,

"Sit down!"
And she's like, "You'll see.

I'm gonna be a big star."
Everyone's like, "You're no one.
You're just a mutt."

And she's like,
"You'll see.

I'll be on camera,
flying high,

people are gonna
know my name."

And they're like,
"Go to bed."

And then they one day
looked on TV and they saw her
and they were like,

"Wow. She really made it."

"You'll see.
I'll be sippin' on crab.

That picture perfectly
encapsulates slash illustrates

the dynamic that we have.

Me showering her with attention,

her looking off
into the distance

wanting to be
anywhere but there.

Less people are asking like,

"People say women aren't funny."
It's like,

not a lot of people
still say that.

And those that do,
like nobody's listening to them.

My dad is funny.

My mom is like a very creative,
very funny,

like take no crap New Yorker.

I just knew my whole life,

I always knew that I was gonna
be funny for a living.

I think my parents
always believed in me.

They've never said
you can't do that.

That's not funny.
You're no good.

That being said, I don't think
the road to being a comic

is paved with remembering
all the times

people believed in you.

All I'm thinking of like
the first time I was rejected.

'Cause I remember
it was seventh grade and I
wanted to be in the play.

And like the theatre teacher
like just like wasn't into me.

Coming from
the suburbs of Dallas, Texas,

I didn't have like
access to Hollywood.

So I'd piece together
a comedic education.

I watched In Living Color.

I found Kids in the Hall,

and of course you're watching
Saturday Night Live.

That's your big reference point.

So I was Class Clown.
It was me another boy.

We are both voted Class Clown.

I always gravitated towards boys
that were funny,

um, 'cause I kind of wanted
to always riff with them

and show that
I'm funny, too, like,

I liked funny friends
but as someone who's funny,

you need an audience.

So I kind of made my way
into the L.A. comedy scene.

I became a paid regular

at The Comedy Store
and the Improv and the clubs

after a couple years
of just doing smaller shows,

really whatever
I could get my hands on,

and I didn't have
a mentor or a group

that I really came up with

kind of showing me
the ropes.

So I just made it up
as I went along.

I grimaced
when people want to talk about
Last Comic Standing.

Iliza Shlesinger.

I wrote about it in my book,
and in my mind

I was like,
this is the definitive answer

no one will ever ask me again.

It was,
no one knows who I am.

I want to take another step,
I gotta get on TV.

It really is at certain levels
just about the credits.

And, then I won.

Iliza Shlesinger!

Our first,

our first female comic

to ever win
Last Comic Standing.

One more time, America...

I'm proud of that
accomplishment,

but it was over a decade ago.

It's something that I did
that it was cool

and I was like 25 or 26
when I did it,

but it just,
it's always a reminder like,

"Hey, you haven't done
anything as big since."

And I think
the pain for me

comes from knowing
deep down

that that's my biggest
accomplishment thus far.

So I feel like a loser
when I talk about it.

Because I never want
anyone to think

that I'm like Al Bundy

like talking about
four touchdowns in a single game
from high school.

It's just a reminder
that I have to keep going to do
something bigger

so that people
will stop asking me about it.

Touring is exhausting.

For me, 6:00 a.m. flights,

sometimes connecting flights.

Woof.

I hate to say
I'm a road dog,

but any comic who travels

is an expert at traveling.

So right now, we're harboring
a concealed dog in a bag.

The whole idea
is I just get through TSA

with a toothless
middle-aged dog.

I fly too much to be harassed.

It's knowing which airports
have a pet relief area.

How to pack all your things
so you only have one carry-on.

Do not check a bag.

I land.
I get to my hotel room,
I get my key.

First thing I do is I set up
Blanche with her food and water.

I then very much enjoy
taking out my makeup

and setting it up
somewhat nicely,

but I like to put like my
brushes and my makeup in a cup

and I lay it out

to make it as civilized
as possible

for that, you know,
half hour I take to get ready.

Watch me do this
whole documentary

and like every
Refinery29 article

is about like
my blotting technique.

I will say what's weird
is that like you're in here,

having a coffee, getting ready
just like every other girl,

but like it's always funny
when I'm like,

"Oh, I'm about to go stand up
on stage by myself.

Like I'm about to go do
the weirdest job ever.

One hour,
two hours a night.

Once in a while,
I'll do three shows in a night
which is a terrible idea.

And you're sick sometimes.

Like nobody cares
if you're sick.

They're like,
"We spent all this money on
a ticket give us a show."

And that's part
of the professionalism.

And then
you meet your fans.

I love meeting them,

but it is mentally exhausting.

And then when they meet you,

they're paying
for a moment of your time,

and you have to be there
for them emotionally.

You can't be like, "Ugh, next."
They'll hate you.

And I'm so excited to meet them,
and so that stamina

is built in all the way until
I go backstage and we're done.

It's all a part
of the performance.

Oh yeah.
And then I finish the show,

and I eat everything
in my path.

Can I trouble you
for extra cheese?

I'll eat shirtless on my bed.
For room service,

I'll find any restaurant
that's open late night.

And if you're in my way,

watch out 'cause
I'm gonna bite you.

So I wrote "Girl Logic"
and I was super proud of it,

but I needed to promote it.

'Cause you want as many people
to read it as possible.

So I wove my book tour

into my stand-up tour.

So while getting ready
for the Netflix special

I was doing press
for "Girl Logic" all during
the day

and then stand up at night.

Yeah, I wrote this book.

This is by no means
just for women.

Uh, it speaks
sort of to the reasons

women have to think the way
that we do and why.

You know, I kind
of got tired of all women being
labeled as crazy.

I was like,
"On the contrary,

we have to factor in
so many things

into our decision-making
because we're judged so harshly.

I do talk about it
in the book because everybody
thinks, you know,

comedy should be a lot of fun
and easy,

but it was a, a mentally...

Winning was great
and then going on that tour

was a mentally scarring
experience.

So for guys
who like to read about
war stories...

I have one.

It's fine.

One, never fails,
same questions.

Ten years in,
I'm still getting these fucking
loser questions

about Last Comic Standing.

Hold on.
I answered her.

Like if you listen
to that interview,

I gave her an answer.
I wasn't like, get fucked, Lori.

No. You looked at the camera
with a 'get fucked' face.

He'll blur it out.

Okay. We have to leave
in the next ten minutes.

- You live here?
- Yeah, Sam.

- I'm Sam.
- Oh, hi Sam.

- Hi.
- Pleasure to meet you.

So this book
was initially, you know,

and I've been working on it
for about a year-and-a-half

with Weinstein books.

I never met Harvey Weinstein
I've, you know...

Be glad.
Right for sure,
definitely now.

Yeah.
Uh, happy for that.

Um, and when
the story came out,

I was like,
my luck, selfishly,

that happened
and so my book

is actually the last book

to have the Weinstein
insignia on it.

So I was like,
I was talking about
this yesterday,

I liken it to like
when your grandfather

like brought home some
Nazi dinnerware from the war.

Like somewhere
in some people's houses

there's like a plate
with a swastika on it.

You're like,
"Isn't this cool?

Like, they don't
make this anymore."

So I've got this print,
this run,

of this first edition
has the Weinstein W on it.

Side note, she's Jewish.

- It's fine.
- It's totally fine

to mention the word swastika.

But Weinstein books as it was,
it was two women.

It wasn't a huge conglomerate.

It was a small company
within a big one.

So you were working with
women doing this book?

I was working with women.
And I said,

"Why would I ever allow
his deplorable actions

to overshadow
this strong, friendly feminist

amazing message
that's in the book."

So it's another example of a man
doing something horrible

and a woman paying the price,
as you said.

So that was big for me.

And I was like,
I'm not gonna back down,

especially when I've done
nothing wrong.

- Nothing.
- And so and now
it's at Shed books,

and we won't speak
of the dead.

So you do press tours,
what any project

when you do as much
press tour as you can,

uh, there are aspects
of this business

that are miserable
and like soul-crushing,

and this is just easy.

So it's fun
because of all

the fun things
you get to do,

and I love promoting things,
but, uh,

it's work, right?
It's work.

- I'm Max, by the way.
- Hi. Iliza.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Um, so yeah.

So, yeah, so basically,
I'm just gonna ask you

about eight questions,
it's rapid-fire 60 seconds,

if you don't want to answer
a question just say,

- "Pass."
- Great, I got it.

- Okay.
- Yeah, perfect.

Hey guys,
I'm Iliza Shlesinger

and I'm here to promote
my new book, "Girl Logic,"

which was born today,
I'm very excited about it,

and this is my BUILD
"Last Minute."

Great. When was the last time
you were in New York City?

The last time
I was in New York City
was last week

for a charity event,
I hosted a charity event
for cystic fibrosis.

What was the last thing you
searched for online?

The last thing I searched for
online was an article

where I was interviewed
by a Refinery29

to promote my book
"Girl Logic."

And you're interviewing me
about "Girl Logic" on this tape

and I'm talking about
"Girl Logic" today.

So it's like
a promo within a promo.

It's very Menna.

If you don't understand
what I'm talking about,

then you need to read
"Girl Logic."

Here we go.

Let's go!
Let's go!

Uh, I watched
Kids in the Hall and The State,

and Saturday Night Live,

and so--
and it was a lot of--

there were the women of the 90s
of Saturday Night Live

like Cheri Oteri
and Molly Shannon

shaped the way
that we spoke.

Cheri Oteri's voice like,
"Yeah. Okay. Doin' all right."

And I interviewed her once
and she kind of described

all of her characters as like,
"Hangin' by a thread."

But that voice
was stolen by so many people,

Chris Farley, Will Ferrell,

this sort of like
burst of energy and anger,

and I definitely take a page
from that in my stand up.

So it was always
funny characters and people

and voices
versus pure stand up,

and I think that's why
my stand up has so much texture,

'cause it was so influenced
by sketch comedy.

Yay!

Thank you!

The whole time I was like,
I forgot ten minutes and I did.

I was like
the whole time I was like,
something feels wrong.

And I forgot a whole
ten minutes.

This is such business of chance.

So having
multiple things going on

is beneficial mentally

because when,
if you have five things going on

when four of them fade away,

you still have that one
to focus on,

and then you put another one
back in the fire.

It's a way to know that
you're always doing something.

It would be the worst for me
if I did like a Netflix special

and then I was like,
"Now what?"

"...You're so funny,"
you come in right in with that
line right at the top.

Or just drag a chair
really loud.

How do you
want me to read
my lines?

I don't care
how you read your lines.

Because no one's gonna-- I'm not
gonna go to this audition

and they're gonna be like,
"But what was your

assistant's motivation
when you read with her

in your prison yard?

Just do it like yourself.

Just be like
lowkey disgruntled
at all times,

and I'll just
feed off that energy.

I'm up for the part
for two different roles

in this Mark Wahlberg movie,
and it's tough.

Because like
I read for a lot of things,

uh, this is my maybe
like tenth year

auditioning for stuff,

I have read for
major TV shows, movies,

and I have
never booked anything.

For reasons
out of my control they're like,
"We went black."

"We gave it to a guy."

"We gave it to a couch cushion
with a cheesecake stain on it."

Like it's,
"Do I read through this
one more time?

Or do I go to
my gym appointment at four?

One of those two things
is guaranteed to produce

good results
within the next hour.

I've read through this
for about 45 minutes,

and the addition is tomorrow.

But I think
I'm going to go to the gym.

And I can go to the gym

and you can stay here
and pretend to work.

Thank you.

This is my assistant Emily.
She also goes by Baby Arm.

Do you want to show them why?

Doesn't it look like
a giant baby arm?

It's not body shaming,
'cause I asked her

if this was okay.

Squishy.
It's so soft.

And she's smart too, so like
I actually value her opinion.

Like I feel like
I'm getting emotional work done

when I vent to her.

She also has watched every
bad movie you've ever heard of.

So sometimes
I'll go in for an audition
and I'll be like,

"Who is this actress?
She'd be like,

"Oh, she was on season two
of One Tree Hill.

She's got red hair.

She was in a movie with
Tara Reid six months ago.

It went straight
to Pay-Per-View.

I've watched it."

So she's great,
and I just--

I hope she doesn't-- I give her
everything she wants.

I hope she doesn't leave me.
I think about that every day.

I'm like,
"What if today's the day?"

Like how am I gonna do anything?

...With each pain
and we catalog it.

We put each rejection
in a mason jar

and we pin it-- it's rustic,
Pinterest--

put it into our
sack of emotional baggage,

he broke up with me because
I slept with his brother.

Well, they're twins.
They should wear different
colored hats.

That's not my fault.

And we put it
into our emotional baggage,

and we throw that baggage
over our shoulder.

And what do we do with it?

We walk it into
the new relationship.

Yes.

He welcomes you to the new
relationship like, "Come on in.

You seem pretty cool
and well adjusted."

And you're sitting there like...

"Oh, I am!

Yes. This seems like
a safe place for me to--

unpack my shit!

Hahahahaha!"

Comedy is pain.

It's, you know,
you're talking about
your childhood

or something horrible
that happened or heartbreak.

It's digging deep
within ourselves

to bear our vulnerability.

And the comedy gods
reward your vulnerability
with laughs.

The more
open and honest you are,

the more people
are like,

"Yeah, they're saying
what I couldn't say."

- Wow!
- Oh my God!

Seeing the outpouring

of emotion

that the specials
invoke in people

because I'm saying things
that people are thinking.

They feel a connection.

And people will write me,

very personal things,

and they want
to share that with you.

Like I gave them
the gift of the comedy,

and now they want to give
something back.

Uh, basically she's hilarious.

It's pretty much
all there is to it.

She's very relatable
and she says exactly
what we're thinking.

She's a badass feminist

and she's fucking hilarious.

Men are better
with rejection

from what I can see.

I mean, we're all human.
No one loves being rejected.

Men to get over it,

society demands
that they get over it,

move passed it,
work through it.

Women...

don't work through anything.

We don't 'get over' anything.

Nay...

we hold on to it.

You're lucky
if you're able to have a career
that goes long enough

that people want to hear
your take on life.

We hold on to it so tight

and we revisit it

and we examine it

from every angle,
hypotheticals,

maybe if I was wearing
a tank top it would've
been different,

We hold on to it.

We bring in experts like,
"Stacy, get over here!

What do you think?"

For me, it has evolved
from a desire

to make people laugh.

It's become bigger than that.

I now have a responsibility
to the people

who have offered me
their vulnerability

and their hearts
and their acceptance.

This is amazing.

It's a whole book
of Frasier scripts.

A whole book
of Frasier scripts.

I'm lucky enough
to have fans

that express their love for me
both verbally

and in gift form,
it's become a thing.

It's like our thing now
with me and my fans.

Stay.
Are you small?

People see
that I love mud masks,

and they see--
or that I love Sour Patch Kids.

And they bring so many toys
for Blanche and candy.

To matching items
for me and Blanche like
matching scarves.

These are Blanche earrings.

Hello.

So that's special.

I had one fan write a thing
and he was like,

"I was the first one to make you
a gift based on your act."

'Cause it wasn't always.

And this was, I think,
the first piece of dog art.

It's Blanche
as a Turkish princess.

And anybody who sees me take
Instagram pictures

in my bathroom
has seen this.

Like I'll be posing
thinking I look amazing
and you're like,

"Is that a watercolor
of your dog behind you?"

By the way,
any art you see in my house

that involves
comedy or my dog...

someone gave it to me.
I'm not a maniac.

Okay, this one I made,
but that was the first one.

"Fuck Bitches Get Money."
That's something I said.

It's also so touching to see
how specific the jokes get.

Like I have a joke
about leaving your girlfriends

and one girlfriend's like,
"Go on without me?"

Or, "Order me a Lemon Drop
and toast to my memory."

So some girl got me
like a Lemon keychain

that says,
"Toast to my memory."

This is made of 100% human hair.

I'm kidding.
It's wool.

But that's me and my dog.

This is me and Blanche again.

That's Party Goblin.

I think she's kind
of the mother of this universe
that I've created.

I have this whole bit
that I do online

where I give Blanche
her day's wages.

And I'll give her
a bite of something,

like one grain of rice
or one like shred of chicky

and those are her wages.

And so somebody made Blanche

her day's wages

and it's exactly
365 grains of rice,

so a Year's wages.

And each one
means so much to me.

I try to honor that.

I take pictures.
I put on my Instagram.

I'm just forever so touched

that anybody cares.

Okay, we're gonna
go get the car.

I'm sick.

I'm sick
and we have to go get
a Z pack.

Because

I have to go to Sacramento

like tomorrow morning

and nobody cares
if you're sick.

Nobody cares.

Nobody wants to hear you like
coughing and stuff on stage.

And I know this sounds bratty,
but like it's sold out.

So like unless you have

like life-threatening pneumonia
you can't cancel a gig.

Oh, this sucks.

I don't wanna get on a plane.

Why are people so horrible?

That's was so jarring.

I don't even know this number.

- Hello?
- Hey, it's Arielle.

Oh.

How's it going?

I'm good.
I'm sick.

I'm sick.
So can you do me a favor?

What's the favor?

The favor is, um,
don't let me go

and, um,

can you just pretend
that you don't have bad news

until after I come back
from Sacramento?

Because if I come home Sunday,
I'll be like,

"Oh, that's okay
that I didn't get the role

and they've asked me
to leave Hollywood.

Oh my God. You-- but one--

I don't pretend
that anything

because I have
amazing news for you.

You got the role.

You booked the movie.

You booked a Mark Wahlberg,
Octavia Spencer studio movie.

Oh my God.

- It's amazing.
- Oh my God.

Congratulations.

- That...
- I gotta run.
I gotta run,

- but I just had to tell you.
- Okay.

It's great.
It's beyond amazing.

- Okay, thank you.
- Okay, bye.

Okay, bye.

I got it.

I got that movie.

I got the fucking movie.

Emily!

I got it, Emily!

Oh my god.
I've never...

What do you care?

She probably thinks
it was 'cause of her motivation.

I can't believe I got that.

I was up at like
4:00 a.m. yesterday to come here

and then,

'cause you gotta
get to the airport early
so then the flight,

and you land at 4:30
and then there's traffic
to get here...

so your body clock
is three hours behind.

But then you
have to force yourself
to go to sleep

to be up at 5:00 a.m.

So it's like all types
of jet lag mixed into one so.

And then
this is a crazy amount of press.

So I'm just feeling
a little subdued.

I'm trying not to have
a bad attitude.

It's 800 Degrees in L.A.

Like you're gonna have
Christmas in shorts

and this is what's going on
in the rest of the world.

All right,
we gotta get a break,

but later on The Morning Show
stay with us,

Armie Hammer opens up
about why he almost says no...

- He's here.
- ...to starring in the new film
Call Me By Your Name.

- But up next,
Iliza Shlesinger on her...
- "But."

- ...definition
of "Girl Logic"...
- "But up next."

...and the challenges still...

You watch Canadian...
Sorry, just a little Segway.

Uh, Canadian late night TV,

it's all about
like outdoors equipment
and they're like,

"When you're hunting
a live moose"...

Like it's all
like outdoor stuff

all American late-night
infomercials are about

suing anyone and anything
you've ever seen

and a home catheter delivery.

So at its core
you're making people laugh,
but also at its core

you're,
it's a cathartic process

and you are
serving your own ego.

Anybody that stands in front
of a group of people

has and ego.

I don't care
if you are a pastor.

I don't care
if you're a preacher.

I don't care
if you're a self-help guru.

There is that kernel of like
I need people to look at me

- and hear me.

I also think every comic,

you sort of create
your universe.

You create this world,
when I look on my tweets

and the things
that people write back,

I have lingo that I use
and it's an outpouring

of things I say to my dog,
or the way I describe things,

and people use it back.

Your art becomes theirs.

So for, Bill for example,
they're being mean,

but it's out of love.
And for me,

people dress up when they come
to my shows as my act.

They come in a blousy cow outfit
or a fried shrimp shirt

or a Party Goblin hat,

and they've taken it
and made it their own.

It's so funny
'cause you write these jokes

and you'll write a bit
that you think, you're like,

this is gonna change comedy.

I am a philosopher,
and no one ever references it.

They're like,
"I loved your bit about octopi."
And you're like,

"Okay. So not the social
commentary about the Internet?"

"No, I liked the rabbit joke."

Like it's just...
And that becomes a thing.

So it's always
interesting to see how people

take your art
and make it their own.

I was just in a daze
talking to him and I just
remember all--

the whole time I was talking,
I just kept thinking,

"This isn't funny.

I haven't smiled once.

I'm not being funny.
I'm just so tired."

Like his face got this small
at one point.

And I was like,
"Just try not to close my eyes,

try not to roll your eyes
and then close them."

I'm usually pretty good
about no sleep and working,

but this
is a seven hour day

before my day has started.

We were getting on the elevator

and we were like
taking a second and we--

the elevator opened and there
was like all these people on

and we stood there
for a second 'cause we didn't
know if they were

getting off and the guy goes,
"Come on in." And I was like,

that's the difference between
Canadian's and American's.

In America I'd be like,
"Shut the door.

I don't even want them on."
He's like, "Come on in."

The water's fine.

We start five and you are our
last stop which is great,

'cause I am out of seat.

"Girl Logic"
is the thought process

that women apply
to everyday decisions.

As a woman
you are expected to be

so many things
to so many people,

often all at once,
and they're often,

uh, contradictory.

So it's,
here it's supposed to be

sexy but demure,
whatever those things mean.

Smart but not too smart,
'cause then you'll make
somebody insecure.

Attractive
but not too attractive,
you'll make women upset.

A good mother
but also a party girl

but outgoing but demanding,

but also stick up for yourself
but also don't be too annoying.

Lights.

- All right,
thank you so much.
- Okay, thank you.

- Happy holidays.
- Thank you.
Lovely to meet you.

Great crowd.
Lori described it as like
a wall of laughter.

You couldn't have asked for
a better crowd than that.

I sound so Canadian.
I couldn't have asked for a
better crowd than that.

Before we shot
the comedy special, you know,
you take all these gigs

to get ready for it
and then sometimes you have
like a higher calling.

And I would do 'em
in a heartbeat.

I don't care
what else is going on.

Like it's just so important
to do them.

All right, we are here on
Andrews Air Force Base

uh, about to go on

the chairman
of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
Christmas Tour

to several countries.

Air Force Two, baby.

And I'm gonna work out

some very specific parts
of my act for the troops.

Merry Christmas.

See you on the other side.

Iliza Shlesinger everybody.

Happy to be here.

Guys only
want to let you know

is "How'd you meet your girl?"

All right so,

I used to fuck like a bunny.

I could be fucking right now
if I wanted to,

but I'm just gonna fuck her,
'cause I'm a fuck man.

That's how I do a fuck--

pack up this dick,
onto the next town.

Fire in the hole.

I'm there not to do
my actual material.

I am there to make sure
I say anything I can

to make these
men and women

who are in a very
stressful situation

forget that they're
in that situation and have fun.

This is not about the art.

It is not about
like growing as an artist.

Like you're just there
to be like,

"You gotta mustache?

I've seen lesbians
grow thicker mustaches."

And they're like,
"Oh fuck! That's you, Sanchez."

Some of the guys here
with mustaches,

I could grow
a better one than some of you.
I gotta be honest.

Like I don't know what
this one is here right here.

- Oh!
- I don't know what that is...

You in the back,
you look like you run
a family pizza parlor.

You look like you're from
Portland and you make like...

You look like
you shouldn't be around
children,

especially with those
sunglasses.

For me it's like, whose mustache
can I make fun of?

Can I say fuck enough times
to get you?

Who in the audience
am I gonna just rag on?

You know,
it's like rapid fire.

It's a challenge
I really enjoy,

because it's really about
making them feel good.

The first USO show I did

years ago
and I started talking
to this kid

and he showed me this aircraft
that he was in charge of flying,

and I even have goosebumps
thinking about it right now,

because I remember thinking,

like you're 19 years old

and you are in charge
of so much more

than any 19 year old
should be entrusted with,

but you have taken on
that burden so selflessly

and it just,
it always stuck with me,

like that's what
sacrifice looks like.

I look like the guy
that tortures people

in Princess Bride.

Don't even think
about trying to escape.

Yay!

It's 4:00 a.m.,

and we're flying to Charlotte.

Here we are in Charleston

small dog on parade.

squawking

Nashville.

Thank you so much
for coming out tonight.

Thank you.

Going home to Los Angeles.

I got on stage last night

and this woman came up
she goes,

"Oh, honey,
you look exhausted."

I was like, "Oh, I am."

Okay, I'm cold.

Netflix, you know,
they were like, "We want higher
production value."

They don't just want someone
standing on the stage.

And as an artist
I'm like, "Oh cool.

It wasn't enough that I invented
a world with my brain."

Um, and so we picked

the aircraft carrier
of the USS Hornet in Alameda.

We lit it beautifully,

and it felt like
I was having a bat mitzvah

but the theme was war.

Like all this uplighting
on the planes.

And then we're gonna donate
a big chunk of the proceeds

to Team Rubicon

which is a
veterans organization

that, uh, basically
helps vets helps us.

So if there
is a natural disaster,

they help vets with preparedness
and stuff like that

come in
and offer some relief
to civilians.

The truth is
no matter how many times

you run it
over and over again,

this is the one
that gets captured on tape.

So it could be perfect
for every city,

and if the energy
isn't right here,

you will feel it
when you watch it at home,

but I think it'll be okay.

If it sucks,
this documentary

will have a very different
front line.

I think it has to be
a little bit shorter.

This is Madonna.

This just looks fake.

It's so much hair.

No it's not.
It's in your head.

It's so cold up there.

It is freezing,
which is also exhausting.

Like it's hard to breathe
cold air 'cause it hurts.

Nobody'll know.
But you should know.

You watch that special
just know

I was freezin' my nips off.

Right before I walked down
that gangplank

I was just like
shivering in a coat.

Like I put on
so much deodorant
I was like,

"I don't wanna
sweat through this gymnast top,
whatever I was wearing,

and the opposite of sweat.

It was like
tiny icicles were forming.

You think men judge women
harshly, they do, but gentlemen,

every molecule of your DNA
we go through it like,

"Scanning for physical
abnormalities.

Is his shirt unbuttoned too low
for his ethnicity?"

We can't show you the clip

because we don't have the rights
to it for this production.

Did you watch
the Lady Gaga documentary
on Netflix?

- I did not.
- Hers is all about

her leading up to the Super Bowl
performance

but you don't see
the Super Bowl performance,

'cause they
don't have that footage.

- Oh, wow.
- So this is everything.

This is how you make
a Netflix special

up until
the Netflix special.

A lot of my family came.
A lot of my friends came.

I think 'cause it was
really close to San Francisco

and everyone wants to go
to San Francisco but, you know,

they all came and you get
so few of those moments in life

where everyone's there to just
give you love and support.

But I really took a step back,

you know,
we're in the middle of taping,
we're running around,

like all those people
made that trek

just to watch me do something
that I love to do.

And that is very special.

Who knew?

- Iliza was always funny.
- She was always witty.

She was always
witty and sharp and smart.

Yeah, she was always quick,
right, sharp, witty.

You know,
we're bursting with pride,

but we've been
proud of her for years.

This is my dad.
This is Ashton.

That's what it's about,

creating something,
touring it,

building a culture around it,

selling a show based off of it,
engaging with the fans.

This is it.

This is the world
that I've created for myself.

This has been a year
of hotels

and endless shows
and ceaseless dedication.

I really wanted to make
something special

and donate the money
to a worthy cause.

I am really proud
of what I've done here.

I'm very excited to see it.

And it's not really over
because next week

we start writing new material.

And this is my job.

Forever.