Original subtitles

I want you in my bed.

So what are you waiting for?

Come see me at Mattress Masters, for a great night's sleep.

That's 1245 Firestone Boulevard, El Monte.

I'll be waiting.

You and Marisa Tomei -- it's not that complicated.

The question is fundamentally flawed.

There -- there are too many variables.

- You're avoiding it. - I'm not avoiding it.

You're avoiding it. It's a simple --

I don't think you were clear.

Okay, it's a simple question.

- Okay. - Answer. We'll move on.

What are the odds of you sleeping with Marisa Tomei?

Well, do I get to meet her?

Because if I did, I honestly think it'd be like 4 to 1.

- 4 to 1? - 4 to 1.

You're out of your mind.

I just saw her at Home Depot. She looks beautiful.

10 million to 1.

I think your numbers are inflated.

I'd like to see your data.

How old is she?

She'll be 46 on December 4th.

Okay, so -- wow.

Putting aside the fact that you know her birthday,

creepy stalker guy,

in 20 years, she'll be 66.

All right, so the odds plummet.

But in 40 years, the odds are 1,000 to 1.

She'd be like 86, with dementia, maybe cataracts.

But she's still Marisa Tomei.

What I'm saying is, for guys like you and me,

it is all about...

...Patience.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Got it?

Yeah.

- Are you all right, sir? - Yeah, I think so.

Sir, we're lawyers, and you're the victim

of one of the greatest dangers that faces our city.

We'd like to help you collect.

But I think it was my fault.

That doesn't matter. Studies show that it is impossible...

...To safely operate a vehicle in an urban environment

if you're forced to take your eyes off the road for...

...More than six seconds.

That advertisement runs for 18.

Come by the office. We'll talk.

Hello? He hit me.

Legally, we can't guarantee any results of your case.

Oh! Shh, shh, shh!

You'll be fine.

The law offices of Franklin & Bash.

We've got your back.

Once again, that's the law offices of Franklin & Bash.

What is the Alameda discovery motion

doing in the refrigerator?

Got hummus on it.

Oh, there's hummus left.

Oh!

It's 10:13 a.m.

I say we start without him.

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Jean-Claude Van Damme marathon last night -- unavoidable.

You know, "Bloodsport" -- not in AFI's top 100 films.

It's insane.

It's political. Ugh!

All right, let's go around.

Ooh! I'll start.

Oh! Pindar and I haven't gotten paid in three weeks.

All right, not to worry.

We're going to jury on the billboard case tomorrow,

and we will win.

If we don't, I'll sell my ass on Sunset.

That'll be like printing money.

I'll sell my ass, too, Jared.

Thanks, buddy.

Excuse me? I've got the ball?

Sorry.

Let's make sure we have our ducks in a row.

It is one duck, and the witness is subpoenaed,

ready to go.

Any law to support our theory?

I checked federal and state.

We don't have a legal leg to stand on.

Come on, the law was made by rich white people.

Our job is not to follow the law.

Our job is to make the law.

What's going on with Annie Benton's prostitution case?

I've got a motion to dismiss set for Friday. They've got no case.

Anyone want to guess which deputy D.A. is assigned against us?

Janie and I have totally moved on. Not a problem.

Oh!

Bullshit.

- You know what I feel like? - Hmm?

Feel like Ali walking to the garden in his first fight against Frazier.

That's good. That's the idea.

It's the mind-set, except, you know, Ali lost.

Do you like this tie?

I'm ready. I am in the zone.

- Game time. - Pow!

- Peter! - Oh. Iceberg.

What? Move on. Come on.

I got your motion to dismiss. It's a little thin.

There was no sex involved.

Annie's not a hooker. She's a dominatrix.

Huge difference.

Really like the, uh -- the updo.

- What? I -- - No, you just --

are you still dating that civil war re-enactor?

- What? - Yeah, the guy with the --

you know, the soul patch?

You had a soul patch.

Oh, great. So he stole my look.

Peter...

I miss you.

There. You know, I said it.

Janie, I'm not the same guy. I've evolved.

Hey, scrotum face. Come on.

See you in court, scrotum face.

Hi, Janie. I'm fine.

Nice ass. So's the stick in it.

Bash, come on. Head in the game.

My head's in the game. Don't worry about me.

Worry about that tie.

What's wrong with my tie?

Good luck, gentlemen.

Trying a case against you has been --

ah, anyway, good luck.

See, that's a talent -- sounding like a total asshole

even when you're supposedly saying something sincere.

Nice tie. Are those turtles?

What's wrong with turtles?

Hmm? Oh, by all means, go first.

Couple of fancy trial attorneys.

Oh, thanks, compadre.

Not sure about wearing sweats into court,

but, uh, God bless.

Oh, God bless you.

Miss Spencer, can you tell us what brought you to Los Angeles?

I moved here from Chula Vista last year to be a model.

And how exactly did you book the Mattress Masters ad?

- My agent -- - Objection, your honor.

She's disrobing?

My agent called and said

that the client wanted a model who could demand attention --

Your honor!

Your honor?

Ms. Spencer, please refrain from...

Taking off your blouse.

Thank you.

Don't listen to him.

Excuse me.

Counsel, did you just tell the witness to disregard my order?

- No. - Nice!

Your honor, objection.

You're in contempt, Mr. Franklin.

Bailiff, remand him to custody.

Your honor, justice is blind,

but justice is also naked.

Miss Spencer, please step down. Fully dressed.

It's all yours.

- Well played. - Thank you.

Don't tase me, bro!

Order!

I apologize for my colleague.

He gets carried away sometimes.

Apparently, so does Ms. Spencer.

But let's focus on what she had to say.

When we asked her what the ad agency was looking for,

she said...

I've drawn a complete blank. I'm -- I'm -- I'm sorry.

Uh, could the court reporter please read back

Ms. Spencer's answer to the question?

Um, I didn't get it.

I was...Distracted.

Distracted.

Your honor, do you think we can get Ms. Spencer back in here to test--

Absolutely not.

Mr. Karp? Do you remember?

Well, it seems everyone was distracted.

And if we were all distracted by Ms. Spencer in court,

what about the people operating heavy machinery

on Sunset Boulevard?

- Okay. - What you got?!

- Unh! - Ohh!

- How was lock-up? - Productive.

Signed two S.U.I.a and a weenie wagger.

Oh! You got nothin'.

Okay, guys? Hello?!

That was Infeld/Daniels about the billboard case.

They want to settle!

- Oh! Oh! - They want to settle!

Whoo!

Oh!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Yes! Whoo!

I don't care if he was calling to wish me a Happy Birthday.

He pulled me out of the Chamberlin depo.

Bill him 2/10 of an hour for the call.

Bitchy little barracuda.

I'm getting movement in the lumberyard.

Mr. Franklin and Mr. Bash to see Mr. Infeld.

We're meeting with Stanton Infeld?

I mean, he took on Exxon over the Santa Barbara oil rig.

I mean, Stanton Infeld is...

That guy.

Mr. Franklin and Mr. Bash.

Ah. I'm glad you could make it.

Please, gentlemen, come in. Sit down.

Well, that was very impressive yesterday.

Of course, your witness wouldn't have come close

to getting her blouse off

if you hadn't have pulled Judge Emerson.

Well, you know the old saying --

if the facts are against you, argue the law.

If the law is against you...

...Have a hot chick with enormous breasts

take off her clothes in court.

Yeah. Well, um...Yes.

Look, um...

I have advised my clients to settle.

Well, that's nice,

but, uh, we'll take our chances with the jury...

The next time.

Good doing business with you.

Ohh, oh, we haven't started yet.

I want you both to come here and work for me at Infeld/Daniels.

As attorneys?

Yes, of course.

I've had my eye on both of you for quite some time.

Peter Bash, no one plays a jury better than you --

the way you look past their eyes into their souls.

Jared Franklin,

son of the legendary trial lawyer Leonard Franklin,

you're F. Lee Bailey meets Barnum & Bailey.

Are you familiar with Yin and Yang?

The tramp stamp tattoo? Sure.

The idea that opposing forces are interconnected

and interdependent in the natural world, giving rise to each other.

No way.

Try watching something besides "Real Housewives of New Jersey."

They're real housewives, Peter.

I want to bring these opposing forces together

to create a more powerful energy at this firm.

Well, thanks, but we're not cut out for a big firm.

Can you give us a minute?

We are taking this offer.

What?!

Oh, come on, this is about Janie.

Hey, I'm not gonna blow a good thing

over some girl who's never gonna take you back.

I'm not sticking around while you live your life

trying to get back at your father.

I will consider it,

if we can keep Carmen and Pindar on

and we still get to keep doing

the same cases that made Franklin & Bash famous.

And I want a '75 Bronco.

You want to counter with a Bronco?

I accept all your conditions.

Geez! Sweet Moses. Okay.

Full disclosure --

I never miss an opening day at Anaheim or Del Mar.

And I've already got a three-day pass for Coachella.

Good to know. We can carpool.

Do you like strawberry jam?

Franklin & Bash 1x01 Pilot Original Air Date on June 1, 2011

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

This place looks like the Borg Cube.

What?

"Star Trek: Next Generation."

The Borg are humanoids

who attempt to assimilate every species into Borg.

You can't spew "Star Wars" dorkage

if you can't even make it downtown.

"Star Trek." And downtown is dirty.

Nut up, Pindy.

There's a billion more germs in the cave.

Yes, but I've built up an immunity to Franklin & Bash toxins.

Turn him off.

It's not too late for us to turn back.

My name is Debbie Wilcox, and I'll be your assistant.

All right, well, just call us Peter and Jared,

and we don't like to work past 4:00,

and we'll never ask you to run a personal errand.

Unless it's to courier a package from a Central American country.

- He's joking. - Unless you're cool with it.

Here we are.

There's only one desk. We'll both need --

Oh, this is your office, Mr. Bash.

Mr. Franklin's office is next door.

We'll need that wall taken down.

Yes, sir. I'll call...Someone.

Well, at this point, I'd like to welcome

Jared Franklin and Peter Bash,

Jared Franklin.

I love the law.

And as soon as the state recognizes it,

I'm gonna marry that law.

- Really? - Yeah.

Peter Bash. Happy to be here.

I'm Carmen. I'm not with them.

And I'm Pindar Singh.

Pindar's writing a brief that's due tomorrow,

but we expect he'll be starting in the office very soon.

Well, I don't expect too much the first few days.

Just listen and shadow the partners.

Right. Damien, what's going on with Trans-Sky Airlines?

Well --

You've heard about the 707

that had to make the emergency landing

in the Oxnard cornfield.

Of course. "Touchdown" Tommy Donegan.

Makes that Sully guy look like a big old pussy.

So much for just listening.

Some of the passengers are suing

for injuries sustained during the landing.

We're gonna make it all about Donegan's character.

By the time we're done, a jury would be more likely

to convict Susan Boyle than Donegan and the airline.

- I love Susan Boyle. - Oh, she's great.

She's an angel.

Right. Uh, Franklin and Bash?

Peter's about to start his dominatrix case,

and I'm representing medical marijuana against the city.

So, if you need some samples... Ding-dong.

Why are they here?

Impressive, right?

I give you guys two weeks.

Welcome.

- Hanna Linden. - Jared Franklin.

We should grab some coffee sometime.

I can tell you where all the bodies are buried.

I'd like that...Hanna.

I got something she can bury.

- Elegant. - You like it?

Yeah, you should go with that.

- I got to get to court. - Good luck!

How did you like your first partners' meeting?

Uh, good.

Except for that Karp guy -- what a dick.

- Damien's my nephew. - You didn't let me finish.

We're taking Trans-Sky to the media.

There's a press conference today at 3:00.

Now, Damien will be running it.

I want you and Peter to go down there

and familiarize yourselves with the case.

You know, soften Damien up, if need be.

He gets very contentious around journalists.

Shocking. Not a problem. We've got your back.

That's from our ads on the bus stops and the urinal cakes.

You may have seen them around.

Yeah, well...

Where's my office?

Uh...

You told me to dress conservatively.

That was before I learned we got Judge Emerson again.

I had him on my last case. He loves the ladies.

- In fact...If I may? - Mm-hmm.

There's my "not guilty."

This is so humiliating.

The police should feel humiliated.

They arrested you because they thought

you looked like a prostitute.

You are an actress.

You're paid to play a role, just like Dame Judi Dench.

Well, maybe not her.

But thanks.

Okay.

You're three minutes late. Please join us.

There must be some confusion. Judge Emerson is...

...Under judicial review.

Uh, just...

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Mr. Bash, your reputation precedes you.

I assure you, I am not gonna put up with any of your theatrics.

Oh, none necessary, your honor.

I assume the court has read our brief.

In the absence of proof of sex, there's no crime here.

Which is why we're fortunate to have these.

Sorry to bring them in late,

but there was some confusion as to where to send them.

Appears defendant's counsel has had a change of address.

I find that hard to believe.

Miss Ross is trying to backdoor -- baby je...

Oh, my.

Well, it's been a while,

but this looks like sex to me.

Motion to dismiss is denied.

You lied to me.

I didn't lie to you.

Hello? Reverse cowgirl?

Evan Porter didn't pay for sex.

He was my boyfriend.

- Your boyfriend? - Yeah.

He started as a client, then we started seeing each another.

And after that, no money exchanged hands, because we fell in love.

Just like in "The Notebook."

Why didn't you tell me?

Because after the arrest, I found out he was married,

and I am not a home wrecker.

He lied to you.

Have you ever been in love?

Sometimes you do things that defy explanation.

If he loves you,

then he'll stand up and say it under oath.

♪ I'd like to lay you down ♪

♪ wipe away your frown ♪

Tommy Donegan is a decorated veteran

with over 10,000 flight hours.

And yet the very people

whose lives he and the airline saved

have brought this extraordinary and unwarranted attack

against my client.

Now...

How'd it go with Annie?

Oh, wow!

Game over.

Can I keep these?

Who's the douche next to Karp?

Neal Bryant, C.E.O. of Trans-Sky Airlines.

Feel free to open a file once in a while.

I'm not a hero,

and neither was my co-pilot, Barry Stone.

Barry.

I simply did what I learned in flight school,

and I let the plane do the rest.

Captain Donegan, TMZ reports

that you were intimately involved with a flight attendant

10 minutes before the engine flamed out.

- Hello. - What? You're referencing a blog?

The pilot logbook shows that you left the cockpit at 1:52 p.m.

We're allowed to leave.

And were seen by an unnamed witness

going into a restroom with a woman named Rachel Salazar.

Rachel's a friend of mine. I would never --

Shut up.

Did Karp just tell the client to shut up?

Are you a player, Captain Donegan? Are you a player?

I said it was only gonna be a few questions,

and this guy over here blew it for all of you.

They're in a death spiral. We got to do something.

Yeah, okay.

- What the hell was that?! - Diversion!

Oh, crap, there's a fight!

Not the face!

Fight!

Aw...

Reporting live from City Hall...

Yes, they're here at the poolhouse.

Hey.

I'll handle it.

Well, your little stunt today is up to 100,000 hits on YouTube.

Some of the partners are questioning my sanity

on bringing you guys on board.

Actively questioning his sanity.

F.Y.I., Damien -- repeating the end

of someone else's sentence doesn't make it a thought.

It's not that funny.

Dude speaks Japanese.

That's awesome.

We want to apologize for the 100,000 hits on YouTube.

Yeah, we're sorry. We were hoping for a million.

Excuse me?

Check the news -- it's all about two lawyers

kicking the crap out of each other on the courthouse steps.

Nothing about the fact that your Captain America

is a mile-high frequent flier.

And a pathological degenerate.

It's not our place to judge.

One man gathers what another man spills.

Ooh, I like that.

- Confucius? Mencius? - Grateful Dead.

Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt with something relevant,

but, witness or not,

Donegan's character is now front and center.

So, if the paparazzi don't nail him,

someone with a cellphone will.

Damien's right.

Hmm. I am worried about tainting the jury pool.

I mean, we have based our entire case on Donegan's character.

He cannot be left alone.

You know... I've got a crazy idea.

I doubt it could top hiring these two.

Donegan stays at your place.

And it does.

Trial starts Tuesday. It's only about a week.

We bring the party to him, and he won't get the itch to go out.

Right. Well, everyone...Clear out.

My sensei is waiting.

Good. How you feel?

- Good. - Good!

Seriously... Why are they here?

Is this a joke?

Do they have pictures of you with a Burmese she-male?

Not that I know of.

You'll just have to trust me on this one, Damien.

Love you, too.

Thank you.

♪ I'm not in love ♪

♪ so don't forget it ♪

♪ it's just a silly phase I'm going through ♪

♪ And just because ♪

♪ I call you up ♪

So, you might want to go the conference room.

Your partner's about to get punched again.

♪ don't think you've got it made ♪

Thanks.

Hey, any chance you could mix in a song

that doesn't make me want to blow my brains out?

What are you doing?

- I'm working. - On what, your backhand?

No, I -- what's wrong with my backhand? Ooh!

It's the biggest screen in the building.

- Wow! - 40-15.

Oh, good shot. Your serve.

I have reserved this conference room.

No problem. We're all professionals here.

- Karaoke machine? - Right here.

Across the lobby, third door on the left.

Can I talk to you?

You got it.

A karaoke machine?

You wouldn't have cared if this was the cave.

It's not the cave. It's a law firm that's paying us...

...To bring in karaoke machines.

To mess with the zombie culture.

And occasionally practice law.

Exactly. "Occasionally."

You know, I could've gone to work at a big firm

when we started, but I chose to stay with you because...

...You got caught boning the senior partner's daughter

in his office.

A contributing factor, but not the sole reason.

I wanted to help you out.

Can we meet them halfway?

Sure. Here's halfway.

This half stays the same.

This half sells out.

What...

Can I do for you?

Trouble in paradise?

No, no, that's nothing. We have three of those a week.

My old boyfriend was a lawyer, too. We fought a lot.

How'd you work things out?

I've found makeup sex works.

Well, I'll run it by Peter.

We did it once, and it got awkward, but...

You know, we're babysitting the pilot tonight.

I don't know if you want to swing by and check up on us.

Thanks, but I've got plans. Maybe another time.

♪ Lock the door ♪

♪ and close the blinds ♪

That's thing's amazing!

It's almost like the real thing,

except I'm awake and I got my pants on.

That's disgusting.

- Seriously? - No, I'm just kidding.

I've never been a member of the mile-high club...

While I was piloting the plane.

I'm a member.

Since 2002 -- had sex in an airplane bathroom

35,000 feet over Denver.

Doesn't count when you do it alone.

Oh. Never mind.

Hey.

What's wrong?

I went to go see Evan.

He said that he never loved me

and that he was just paying for the sex.

What a dick.

He said that I was his sex addiction.

You sure there were no texts or e-mails saying he loves you?

Even if you erased them, we can image the hard drive.

No, we met post-tiger,

so he was really adamant about no e-mails or sexting, nothing.

So, it's her word against his.

Maybe we can get her clients to come forward and testify

that they never actually had sex with Annie.

Yeah. It'll help establish a pattern for her business practice.

Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

I got it.

That's still not gonna be enough to get her off.

- Don't. - I wasn't.

We have to put the boyfriend on the stand.

No, we can't do that

without anything to impeach Evan's testimony.

We're just gonna look like we're trying to humiliate him.

We're doing it.

He likes to be humiliated. We'll do it for free.

Hey! You came.

How's touchdown Tommy doing?

So far, so good.

We're about to start the "Big Lebowski" drinking game

and read some "Goodnight Moon."

Thought you had plans.

I did, but my friend and I got into a fight.

Oh.

Well, sounds like someone's getting some makeup sex tonight.

Yes, somebody is.

♪ ♪ ♪

This is where the magic happens, mostly.

♪ ...Before ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

Oh, impressive.

To your friend.

Try not. Do or do not.

There is no try.

That's "Empire" when Luke visits Yoda in Dagobah,

and I'm hopeful that someday you may share my last name.

Yep.

♪ ♪ ♪

Hey, you want to go outside and sit?

♪ ♪ ♪

It's been over between Janie and me for about a year now.

You know how it is, for one of us, it isn't.

Yeah, I've been there.

My wife -- we were only married eight months.

If I'd have been a better husband, she wouldn't have left me,

and I wouldn't have developed a rep as a womanizer.

People wouldn't be making up lies about me.

Who would make up this lie?

We build up our heroes just to tear them down.

First that boy in the balloon, now me.

Yeah.

Don't you worry, Tommy. We're gonna clear your name.

You know, for lawyers, you guys are almost human.

♪ ... Who you think you runnin' wit ... ♪

♪ tellin' me you feelin' the same ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

Pindy, how many showers is that tonight?

Just three.

Okay, good for you, but get the hell out of here,

or we're gonna have sex in your bed.

Don't come back unless there's a fire --

like, a huge fire.

"Backdraft," Pindar!

Hey! So, I found something in the evidence code.

Could support our argument in Annie's case.

Fantastic! Let me see it.

Yeah, which reminds me --

we're gonna need to get new girl to sign the waivers.

Shepardize these citations. Make sure the law's still good.

Got it.

Thanks.

Yes, thank you.

I will certainly take you up on that drink.

Sound advice to you.

You know, these these Donegan allegations,

along with the layoffs, are killing us.

Our stock is down 8% this quarter.

I'm looking at a lynch mob

at the shareholders meeting tomorrow.

Actually, these allegations could save you.

What are you talking about?

If Donegan's actions were so outrageous

that they were outside the scope of his employment

as a pilot for Trans-Sky Airlines,

they can't be held liable,

which gets Trans-Sky dismissed from the case.

Puts the whole thing on Donegan.

Mm-hmm. Only one problem.

There's no witness who saw Donegan

duck into the bathroom with the flight attendant.

There's always a witness.

You just have to know their price.

Jared!

What?!

I was on -- they -- the pilot -- it's trouble.

Uh, fire!

Towering Inferno.

♪ Baby, baby, unh ♪

Excuse me.

Look at how much bigger this is than my p-- you have law books!

- You must be so smart! - Do you want something?

I want you to pull the plug

on your "throw Donegan under the bus" plan.

Can you guys give us the room for a second?

- Thank you. - Take five, guys.

Me and the President are gonna rap.

Seems that someone forgot to shut off

the video conferencing to Pindar last night.

We heard everything.

Huh.

Now, from what I understand,

you were exploiting the emotional state

of a senior partner.

You're Hanna's boyfriend.

Hanna's trying to rekindle something

that went on before we worked at the same firm.

See, unlike you, I recognize

that workplace relationships are inappropriate,

they're even actionable.

Obviously, Hanna's acting out.

Well, there definitely was some role-playing.

- Pindar saw everything. - Is that right?

He's willing to testify.

Really?

Well, that's interesting,

because I heard that Pindar doesn't get out much.

And -- and you can't testify as to what Pindar heard,

because that would be hearsay.

Yeah, that would be hearsay.

We'll be making the motion

to dismiss the airline from the lawsuit today.

You don't have a witness.

Oh, no, actually, we do --

Barry Stone, Donegan's co-pilot.

He saw him leave the flight deck right before the crash.

How much are you paying him?

Please.

You count on Pindar being there.

I look forward to it.

Oh, and by the way, if you say anything to Donegan

about communications between me and my client,

I'll have you and Bash disbarred.

Like that ever scares us.

Hey, where's Infeld?

Out of pocket for the day.

Damn it.

Oh, you.

Did you come over last night to get back at Karp

or to feed him intel?

I like you.

I wouldn't have come over if I didn't.

Sorry you felt used.

Hey, you can use me for sex anytime.

But if you used me to screw over Tommy Donegan,

well, then you and I got bigger problems.

Aren't you supposed to just shadow?

I don't shadow. I cast shadows.

And Tommy Donegan is a part of that airline.

I was going -- ah!

You cannot continue to lead a 2-D existence

and work at this firm.

I need 3-D Pindar in court today!

Or those dicks will take Donegan down.

They teach a class on me

at the psychiatric institute in Zurich, Jared -- Zurich.

- Shh! - I have a phobia.

Phobias. "Phobias"? "Phobium"?

You know what? I got a cure, all right?

Repeated blows to the side of your head

with your bronze Darth Maul statue

if you are not in court today by 1:00!

You hear me? Do you -- Pindy!

So, it was strictly business

between you and Annie Benton?

I mean, you'd pay her, and she'd humiliate you?

- Objection. - Perhaps the District Attorney

isn't familiar with the objective of sadomasochism

after all her repressed years in Gamma Pi.

I'm not proud of my behavior.

Well, we're all pretty bizarre.

Some of us are just better at hiding it.

That's all.

Did I say something funny?

No. No. Actually, you said something stolen.

Emilio Estevez in "The Breakfast Club."

That was his line.

It's my favorite movie.

Yours, too, right?

Along with "Wedding Crashers," "Gremlins," and "Yentl."

Yeah. I guess.

So, you would discuss cinema

in between lashes of her barbed whip?

And I'm not judging.

- No. - Yeah.

Sounds more like pillow talk

between two people in love.

Don't you think?

You know what? I don't know.

Well, of course you don't know.

I mean, no one really knows.

But these photos don't prove an absence of love.

But what is love?

Giving someone a foot rub every night

even though you think feet look weird

and you'd just assume not be reminded people have them?

That sounds like love.

Or writing an entire rock opera

with, okay, maybe the music borrowed from "Rent,"

but the lyrics were all yours.

That would probably qualify as proof of love.

Or having an airplane trail a banner --

All right, Mr. Bash.

Is there a question coming any time soon?

Absent tangible proof, your honor,

how would you prove you loved your husband?

I didn't mean a question for me.

I know what I'd do.

I'd look into their eyes.

That's where the truth is.

Mr. Porter, I want you to look my client in the eyes.

And I want you to answer -- are you now, or have you ever been,

in love with Annie Benton?

No, no. I've never loved her.

No further questions, your honor.

Thank you, Mr. Bash.

We will take a short break and reconvene at 2:00.

Come on, Pindar. You can do this.

Good boy.

Let's do this. Let's go to court.

Oh! Oh, God!

Mr. Stone's testimony

concerning Mr. Donegan leaving the flight deck with Ms. Salazar

combined with Mr. Donegan's shoddy employment record,

replete with instances of reckless behavior,

leaves the court with no choice

but to dismiss Trans-Sky airlines from the case.

I don't think that could have gone any better.

Barry, what the hell?!

Tommy, we tried to stop it.

You know, you guys

pretend that you're not like the other guys,

but you're just like them.

Your company lies, and now you're fired. How do you feel?

You know, Bryant must have backed up the truck

to pay off Stone.

Small price to save your company.

Is this who we are now? Huh?

Just bigfooting the little guy?

We can't let them do this to Tom.

No, you're right.

We have to plant our flag now.

Let them know this is not how we do it at Franklin & Bash.

- Yeah. - I say we saddle up.

We ride to the Trans-Sky shareholders' meeting.

We take the fight to them.

- Love it. Let's ride. - I can't.

- I got to get back to court. - What?

It's on you, but I'll get there as soon as I can.

Don't just stand there. Like the wind.

Like the wind. All right.

♪ I need a solution ♪

Okay.

Okay, no, I got it. Got it.

Okay, so, Jared's on his way

to the Trans-Sky shareholder's meeting at the airport.

Look, Pindar, you can still do this.

I tried. You saw what happened.

Oh, God. Don't remind me.

Look, I experienced that with all five senses.

Pindar, Jared and Peter took a chance with us.

Do you think there's a lot of law firms

that would hire an ex-con

and an agoraphobe who is terrified of birds?

Have you ever really looked at one?

They have weird faces.

They have eyes on the side on their head.

How can they see in front of them?

They're descended from dinosaurs, Carmen.

They're like tiny Velociraptors.

Pindar, we both owe them.

But today they needed you.

Demons of the sky.

You let them down.

- Ah-choo! - Uhh!

♪ I can't see ♪

♪ if I could, you know I would ♪

♪ I'm so high on a cloud ♪

♪ that I finally got my chance to start looking down ♪

♪ right down ♪

- Hi. Excuse me. - Stanton.

- I need to speak with you. - Yes, yes, thank you.

- I got your messages. - Let's go.

Apparently, a man can't have a poppy-seed colonic

without the whole world calling.

Hey. What are you two doing here?

Celebrating Trans-Sky's victory. Same as you.

I wonder if you told Stanton how you won the case.

I want him out of here.

All right. What's going on here?

Nothing much. Suborning perjury.

Sacrificing an innocent client to benefit a more important one.

What does a guy have to do around here

to get one of those little pizza thingies, you know?

- Just ask, buddy. - Hey, thanks.

- How'd it go? - Oh. Rocked the closing.

- Jury's out. - Stanton...

These two clowns --

they're hurting the firm, and they're ruining your name.

Ruining your name?

Your nephew here cut Tommy Donegan loose

without consulting you.

And your fat-cat client over there

paid off a witness to testify against Donegan.

I'm paying you guys $850 an hour for this?

Jared, if you have proof of any of this,

why didn't you present it in court?

Well, it wasn't actually, yeah, us,

Who heard or saw the incident in question. Really?

But it was Pindar, and, well, he's...

Hello.

My name is Pindar Singh.

Thank you for your attention.

I have very disturbing news about Trans-Sky management.

It is with a great deal of regret

that I must avouch to you that your leaders...

- Pindar! - ...Have, uh...

We want Tommy Donegan hired back.

We want Trans-Sky to release a statement

confirming he's an American hero.

Now, you hired us because we reminded you

of you and your partner when you first started.

See, the question is,

what would you have done back when you were us?

You do whatever you have to do.

I want to hear what Pindar has to say.

You got it.

- ...Willfully and... - No!

Deal. Just tell that freak to step away from the podium.

You know, you better hire yourself another lawyer.

We're getting out of the scumbag business.

And I'll talk to you later.

Awesome.

Ta-ta.

Hmm. I'm gonna find the bar.

Well.

- Look, um... - Oh.

I'm not sure why you decided to come work here

instead of go work for your father's firm.

Not even sure that you're sure,

but I'm just glad you're here.

Oh, Peter, um, I'm glad I don't have a daughter.

I'd better check on Pindar.

Yeah.

You know, the fact that you won't sleep with Hanna

because it violates some Victorian ethical code

makes me respect you...a little.

- Hm. - But mostly I'm just glad

because it means I still got a shot.

You got no shot.

I got a shot.

Pindy.

Hey, Peter.

I took the bus.

I took the bus.

Hey, buddy. We are so proud of you.

It smelt like yogurt...

You won the case for us.

...And sex.

Think you can let go of the podium?

I do not.

The verdict's in on Annie's case.

Go, go, go. I got this. I got this.

Hey, tell Janie I said hi.

In the above entitled action

on the sole count of prostitution,

we find the defendant not guilty.

Wow. Thank you.

- I'm so happy for you. - Really appreciate it.

Peter, can we talk?

- Five minutes? - Yeah.

Bash.

- I'm sorry. - For what?

The can of whup-ass I unleashed on you today.

Oh, that makes you what, one for 10 against me now?

One for 14, actually.

I may not win many more

now that you're with the big boys.

Congrats on the new gig, by the way.

Never thought I'd see the day.

Well, thanks.

- You wanted to talk? - I do.

Oh, see, I love those two words coming out of your mouth.

Well, you're gonna hear them again.

Peter...

I'm engaged.

I wanted you to hear it coming from me.

I appreciate you telling me.

I mean, really?

Engaged?

- Wow. - Yes.

That's great. That's great.

You're okay?

- Hell, yeah. - Good. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm fine.

- Great. Right. - Yeah.

Yeah. Good.

Wait.

I've still got a shot.

Peter singing with radio: ♪ I'm not in love ♪

♪ so don't forget it ♪

♪ it's just a silly phase I'm going through ♪

♪ and just because... ♪

♪ ...ooh, you wait a long time for me ♪

Hey, Bash.

Alan, can I get number 4 for Peter.

All right.

How about winning not one but two cases today, huh?

Hey, that's a good year for us.

You okay?

You get a date with Scarlett Johansson.

Don't joke about Scarlett. Ever.

You get one night with her, but there's a catch.

Doesn't matter.

Nothing could keep me from Scarlett Jo.

Nothing. Go.

Mike Tyson has to punch you in the face one time.

Hard?

Right cross, full force.

Is it 1980s Tyson or crying-on-"Oprah" Tyson?

'80s Tyson.

Chance to sleep

with the most beautiful woman in the world.

Chance to live in a coma for the rest of your life.

Can I have the sex first, and then the punch?

Sorry.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==