Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,250 --> 00:00:06,250
Hey, Mom.
2
00:00:06,416 --> 00:00:07,708
How's it going?
3
00:00:08,958 --> 00:00:12,416
Yeah... no, I don't really think
that the world's going to end.
4
00:00:14,458 --> 00:00:16,178
Because I don't think
the world's gonna end.
5
00:00:17,458 --> 00:00:20,375
Yeah, I understand
about the Mayans, but...
6
00:00:20,417 --> 00:00:21,583
Yeah, no, okay.
7
00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:23,417
Yeah, no, I get that.
8
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:24,851
I just don't think
the Mayans were right.
9
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:28,125
I mean, I am going to an end
of the world party, but...
10
00:00:29,291 --> 00:00:35,375
Nope... no date. Sorry.
But I am going with someone.
11
00:00:36,250 --> 00:00:37,291
Three months.
12
00:00:38,041 --> 00:00:41,125
He's a writer. Well, he's aspiring.
13
00:00:45,667 --> 00:00:47,333
His name is Thom.
14
00:00:53,959 --> 00:00:56,142
No, Thom, I'm thrilled for
you. I'm completely ecstatic.
15
00:00:56,166 --> 00:00:57,917
The Paris Review, that's
a big fucking deal.
16
00:00:57,959 --> 00:00:59,750
Well, you don't sound very thrilled.
17
00:00:59,792 --> 00:01:01,333
Why, Thom? Why wouldn't I be thrilled?
18
00:01:01,375 --> 00:01:03,542
Because you have this bizarre
notion that this story,
19
00:01:03,583 --> 00:01:05,750
like everything else, is about... you.
20
00:01:05,792 --> 00:01:06,893
You could've maybe changed
the character's name?
21
00:01:06,917 --> 00:01:08,166
It's fiction!
22
00:01:08,208 --> 00:01:09,726
In which the narrator
meditates on how much
23
00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:11,685
he wants to cheat on his
frigid shrew of a boyfriend
24
00:01:11,709 --> 00:01:13,208
for fifteen pages!
25
00:01:13,250 --> 00:01:16,208
It is a story about the
natural longings and desires
26
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:17,250
that every person...
27
00:01:17,250 --> 00:01:19,417
Save it for nifty.org, okay?
28
00:01:19,458 --> 00:01:21,792
The Paris Review. Jesus Christ.
29
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:23,959
My mother is going to read this, Thom.
30
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,583
How's your mother gonna read this?
31
00:01:25,625 --> 00:01:27,834
She has a Google alert set up for you.
32
00:01:27,875 --> 00:01:28,875
Really?
33
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:32,625
Let's just get this
thing over with, okay?
34
00:01:32,667 --> 00:01:35,375
We're late, so Kathy's
probably already...
35
00:01:35,417 --> 00:01:37,166
getting dressed.
36
00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:38,875
Look...
37
00:01:38,917 --> 00:01:41,417
If you don't want to go
out, we don't have to.
38
00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:43,792
Oh, we're going out.
39
00:01:47,083 --> 00:01:48,208
With a bang.
40
00:01:48,250 --> 00:01:49,583
Oh, with a bang.
41
00:01:59,083 --> 00:02:00,208
Hey, babe.
42
00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,500
No!
43
00:02:01,542 --> 00:02:02,935
Everybody always says
I am late to everything,
44
00:02:02,959 --> 00:02:05,079
and I am not going to be
late to the end of the world.
45
00:02:07,041 --> 00:02:09,667
It is always sex, sex, sex with you.
46
00:02:09,709 --> 00:02:11,041
All sex, all the time.
47
00:02:11,083 --> 00:02:12,518
Is that what you want, sex all the time?
48
00:02:12,542 --> 00:02:14,458
Babe, course it is, let me in.
49
00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,250
We've been dating for, like, six months!
50
00:02:16,291 --> 00:02:17,959
Am I even, like, your girlfriend?
51
00:02:20,125 --> 00:02:21,875
Are you my girlfriend?!
52
00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:24,083
I mean, I thought you
were my girlfriend.
53
00:02:24,125 --> 00:02:26,083
Fine, I'll be your girlfriend.
54
00:02:26,125 --> 00:02:27,625
Give me 15 minutes.
55
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,250
Hey, Ian.
56
00:02:31,291 --> 00:02:32,417
Hey, guys.
57
00:02:33,709 --> 00:02:35,083
Where's Kathy?
58
00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:36,458
Gettin' dressed.
59
00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:37,875
Jesus Christ.
60
00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:39,667
Is she always late to everything?
61
00:02:39,709 --> 00:02:41,166
How does she even do that?
62
00:02:44,542 --> 00:02:46,000
What was that, Thom?
63
00:02:51,375 --> 00:02:52,834
You look great, Babe.
64
00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:06,226
Are you sure it's okay
to come in the back?
65
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:07,917
Yeah, I do this. like, every single day.
66
00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:10,917
- God!
- Yes!
67
00:03:10,959 --> 00:03:12,125
Fucking repent!
68
00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:13,542
I repent.
69
00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:15,333
Quincy, this is Ian, my boyfriend.
70
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:17,750
- Are you the temple guard?
- No, I'm not actually Mayan.
71
00:03:17,792 --> 00:03:18,935
I don't know if anybody's Mayan anymore.
72
00:03:18,959 --> 00:03:20,125
Something about colonization.
73
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:21,542
I want you guys to know
74
00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:23,750
you are not going to be
human sacrifices, okay?
75
00:03:23,792 --> 00:03:25,917
- Appreciate that.
- Thom's an experienced martyr.
76
00:03:25,959 --> 00:03:27,333
Were we supposed to dress up?
77
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,291
- I love dressing up.
- No, this is about me!
78
00:03:29,333 --> 00:03:31,959
This is my moment! Me,
me, me, me, me, okay?
79
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:33,792
Everyone gets a pocket Bible.
80
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:37,542
One for you, and for
you and for you, for you,
81
00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:40,125
and... ♪ You're gonna love me! ♪
82
00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:41,935
You understand that
reference? Did you get that?
83
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:43,166
So, here's the thing.
84
00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:44,810
I already took the
liberty of highlighting
85
00:03:44,834 --> 00:03:46,166
a few things out of Revelations.
86
00:03:46,208 --> 00:03:47,583
These make great coasters.
87
00:03:47,625 --> 00:03:49,184
They're also good for
door jambs, kindling,
88
00:03:49,208 --> 00:03:51,166
and, of course, you can
bludgeon a homosexual.
89
00:03:51,208 --> 00:03:53,959
Oh, yes, okay, very cute.
Very cute hate crime.
90
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,166
Now, go in there and
rapture your ass off!
91
00:03:56,208 --> 00:03:57,208
Let's go, let's go!
92
00:03:57,208 --> 00:03:58,542
Do you want a drink?
93
00:03:58,583 --> 00:04:02,166
- Whiskey, double, please. And a PBR.
- Go!
94
00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:11,088
You know the world isn't
actually ending, right?
95
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:17,917
My earrings are made of the
Rent musical, deluxe edition.
96
00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:22,583
God, why are guys so
afraid of commitment?
97
00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:23,917
I'm not afraid of commitment.
98
00:04:25,041 --> 00:04:26,226
It's our six-month anniversary.
99
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:27,250
But it's only...
100
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:28,570
It will be at midnight. Whatever!
101
00:04:30,083 --> 00:04:31,643
It's okay, I didn't
get you anything either.
102
00:04:31,667 --> 00:04:33,601
I don't really care. Are
we breaking up right now?
103
00:04:33,625 --> 00:04:34,625
What?
104
00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:46,083
Thank you.
105
00:04:48,750 --> 00:04:49,834
Wow.
106
00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:51,583
What? Was I not supposed to drink it?
107
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:54,166
Oh, right, it was just
for display. Sorry.
108
00:04:54,208 --> 00:04:56,667
Can we just try to have
a good time, please?
109
00:04:56,709 --> 00:04:59,250
How about that guy? He
looks like a good time.
110
00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:00,625
Go for it, sport.
111
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,041
- I don't want to go for it.
- Sure you do.
112
00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:05,208
I read all about it in the Paris Review.
113
00:05:05,250 --> 00:05:06,625
Published in the city of love.
114
00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:08,000
Hey...
115
00:05:09,458 --> 00:05:11,417
Look at me...
116
00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:13,166
I want you.
117
00:05:15,709 --> 00:05:18,041
Look at that guy; he
looks pretty slutty.
118
00:05:18,083 --> 00:05:19,083
He's wearing a cardigan.
119
00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:20,166
Yeah, a tight one.
120
00:05:22,291 --> 00:05:23,792
Where are you going?
121
00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:25,959
To get another drink.
122
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,625
♪ I don't give a crap if
you don't like my hat ♪
123
00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:39,500
♪ Because I know it's amazing ♪
124
00:05:39,542 --> 00:05:43,250
♪ And I don't give a poop
if you don't like my hoops ♪
125
00:05:43,291 --> 00:05:47,083
♪ Because I know they're amazing ♪
126
00:05:47,125 --> 00:05:50,500
♪ I don't care if
you're in my underwear ♪
127
00:05:50,542 --> 00:05:52,875
♪ Because it all feels amazing ♪
128
00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,500
♪ Amazing... ♪
129
00:05:54,542 --> 00:05:57,709
♪ And I don't give a
fuck if you think I suck ♪
130
00:05:57,750 --> 00:06:01,667
♪ Because I know I'm amazing ♪
131
00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:03,875
♪ A - amazing ♪
132
00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:05,667
♪ A, A - amazing ♪
133
00:06:05,709 --> 00:06:07,291
♪ A - amazing ♪
134
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:10,792
♪ A, A - amazing... ♪
135
00:06:15,171 --> 00:06:17,505
Babe, of course I take
your emotions seriously...
136
00:06:17,547 --> 00:06:19,005
Why would you?
137
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,797
I'm not the kind of girl
that guys end up with.
138
00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,171
I'm not that girl.
139
00:06:23,213 --> 00:06:24,493
Wait, what are we talking about?
140
00:06:25,630 --> 00:06:30,213
Did you know I never had
a real 'versary before?
141
00:06:30,255 --> 00:06:32,213
Not like, a real 'versary.
142
00:06:32,255 --> 00:06:33,839
I mean, yes, I have dated everybody,
143
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,231
but I've never really dated anybody,
144
00:06:35,255 --> 00:06:36,797
except a couple of guys in college,
145
00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:37,839
and then once this girl.
146
00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:39,005
You dated a girl?
147
00:06:39,046 --> 00:06:41,213
But none of it really counted, y'know?
148
00:06:41,255 --> 00:06:43,130
Because I never got
any 'versary presents.
149
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:46,547
I have to go to the bathroom.
150
00:06:54,672 --> 00:06:56,589
Excuse me, but you have rings.
151
00:06:56,630 --> 00:06:58,380
You can get them on Etsy.
152
00:06:58,422 --> 00:07:00,255
I make them. I make rings.
153
00:07:00,297 --> 00:07:02,547
- She makes rings.
- How much for the shiny one?
154
00:07:21,505 --> 00:07:22,839
I think I'm gonna be sick.
155
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,005
- Do you want to go home?
- Just leave me alone.
156
00:07:26,088 --> 00:07:27,088
Cal!
157
00:07:28,505 --> 00:07:32,255
Attention ladies and ladyboys,
everybody gather around!
158
00:07:32,297 --> 00:07:36,255
This is the Mayan
reckoning; it's come upon us!
159
00:07:36,297 --> 00:07:37,463
Ten...
160
00:07:37,505 --> 00:07:39,213
Can you all do that with me?
161
00:07:39,255 --> 00:07:40,255
Ten!
162
00:07:40,255 --> 00:07:41,380
Nine!
163
00:07:41,422 --> 00:07:42,463
Eight!
164
00:07:42,505 --> 00:07:43,630
Seven...
165
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:45,106
There you are! It's almost midnight.
166
00:07:45,130 --> 00:07:46,463
I don't wanna die!
167
00:07:46,505 --> 00:07:49,213
- I have something for you.
- What?
168
00:07:49,255 --> 00:07:50,255
One!
169
00:07:50,297 --> 00:07:52,171
Everybody's dead!
170
00:07:54,338 --> 00:07:56,714
- Oh, my God.
- No.
171
00:07:56,755 --> 00:07:58,463
- Oh, my God.
- Kathy, no.
172
00:07:58,505 --> 00:08:00,297
Yes! Yes!
173
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,046
Wooo!
174
00:08:12,921 --> 00:08:13,921
Cal.
175
00:08:14,547 --> 00:08:16,297
I'm sorry, I'm really drunk.
176
00:08:16,338 --> 00:08:17,338
Yeah...
177
00:08:19,505 --> 00:08:20,672
Let's get you home.
178
00:08:20,714 --> 00:08:23,755
No, you know what... you should stay.
179
00:08:23,797 --> 00:08:25,921
You can have a good time, okay?
180
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:28,088
No, I can't. Not without you.
181
00:08:28,130 --> 00:08:30,297
- Don't fucking touch me!
- Cal!
182
00:08:30,338 --> 00:08:31,338
Thom.
183
00:08:32,547 --> 00:08:35,839
I didn't know you were
gonna come to this.
184
00:08:37,963 --> 00:08:38,963
I, um...
185
00:08:39,005 --> 00:08:41,130
Don't you... usually work on Fridays?
186
00:08:41,171 --> 00:08:42,338
- Yeah.
- No.
187
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:43,921
No, he doesn't.
188
00:08:43,963 --> 00:08:45,463
Hey, I'm Jeremy.
189
00:08:49,755 --> 00:08:50,880
Cal.
190
00:08:51,380 --> 00:08:52,547
Um...
191
00:08:52,589 --> 00:08:53,839
How do you know Thom?
192
00:08:57,589 --> 00:08:59,046
We used to be roommates.
193
00:09:00,171 --> 00:09:01,171
Excuse me.
194
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:03,213
Cal.
195
00:09:05,589 --> 00:09:07,380
I'm sorry...
196
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:10,338
My friend, he's really drunk.
197
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:11,880
So I gotta go.
198
00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:17,338
Cal!
199
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:34,463
Cal!
200
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:53,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
13762
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.