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1
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# You must remember this
2
00:00:12,304 --> 00:00:14,977
# A kiss is still a kiss
3
00:00:15,064 --> 00:00:17,976
# A sigh is just a sigh
4
00:00:20,384 --> 00:00:24,093
# The fundamental things apply
5
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# As time goes by #
6
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Are there any hedgehogs here?
7
00:00:34,464 --> 00:00:37,058
Not unless they have
oxygen masks. Why?
8
00:00:37,144 --> 00:00:39,612
I can hear a sort of snuffling noise.
9
00:00:39,704 --> 00:00:43,492
That's me breathing.
Shall we have a little rest?
10
00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,540
It's not far to the top now.
11
00:00:45,624 --> 00:00:48,855
- I know but shall we have a little rest?
- Oh, yes.
12
00:00:51,024 --> 00:00:53,936
Why do we have to have
a picnic on a mountain?
13
00:00:54,024 --> 00:00:57,380
It's Madge and Rocky's idea.
It's only a hill.
14
00:00:57,464 --> 00:00:59,534
Of the mountainous variety.
15
00:01:00,904 --> 00:01:04,783
Come on, Tenzing,
one last thrust to the top.
16
00:01:06,704 --> 00:01:09,582
We can plant a Union Jack
when we get there.
17
00:01:09,664 --> 00:01:11,780
If - that's an if.
18
00:01:13,664 --> 00:01:15,620
There you are.
19
00:01:19,184 --> 00:01:22,893
- Ah, there you are!
- Ah!
20
00:01:22,984 --> 00:01:25,259
You know, we'd almost given you up.
21
00:01:25,344 --> 00:01:27,778
- Oh!
- Come and have some champagne.
22
00:01:27,864 --> 00:01:29,343
Oh!
23
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,938
The top of Everest was never like this.
24
00:01:33,024 --> 00:01:35,936
- When did you set out?
- Several days ago.
25
00:01:36,024 --> 00:01:39,096
Two hours ago.
When did you two set out?
26
00:01:39,184 --> 00:01:43,575
- Oh, about 20 minutes ago.
- You're not telling us you climbed up?
27
00:01:43,664 --> 00:01:48,374
I'm tempted to but no, Mrs Bale
ran us up in the motorbike and sidecar.
28
00:01:48,464 --> 00:01:52,696
She's just nipped back for the hamper.
Ah, there she is now.
29
00:01:55,784 --> 00:02:00,175
I think she could have been
Calamity Jane in a previous existence.
30
00:02:00,264 --> 00:02:03,097
But a word of warning -
treat her with care.
31
00:02:03,184 --> 00:02:06,176
She's been looking after us
at the cottage
32
00:02:06,264 --> 00:02:08,698
and she's been distinctly peculiar.
33
00:02:08,784 --> 00:02:11,776
- She's always peculiar.
- Yes, we know that
34
00:02:11,864 --> 00:02:14,424
but, er, this is distinctly.
35
00:02:20,344 --> 00:02:24,940
I'm sorry I took so long,
I had an altercation.
36
00:02:25,024 --> 00:02:28,699
- Indians?
- Some fool on a mountain bike.
37
00:02:28,784 --> 00:02:31,344
- He's not injured, is he?
- Just winded.
38
00:02:31,424 --> 00:02:36,782
- Let me give you a hand, Mrs Bale.
- I can manage, thank you.
39
00:02:38,144 --> 00:02:41,454
After I've taken
Mr and Mrs Hardcastle Senior home
40
00:02:41,544 --> 00:02:43,899
I shall prepare your supper.
41
00:02:43,984 --> 00:02:46,293
You don't have to - we can manage.
42
00:02:46,384 --> 00:02:49,501
I shall be along
to prepare your supper later.
43
00:02:49,584 --> 00:02:55,659
I am not, as some people would have it,
a spent force.
44
00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:10,097
- You all right?
- Five of us on a motorbike and sidecar.
45
00:03:10,184 --> 00:03:12,618
- I thought it was fun.
- Downhill.
46
00:03:12,704 --> 00:03:16,822
- That was the best bit.
- There's something in the water here.
47
00:03:16,904 --> 00:03:19,259
We could become a display team.
48
00:03:19,344 --> 00:03:22,177
- Oh...
- Are you sure you're all right?
49
00:03:22,264 --> 00:03:27,099
A bit heady, that's all.
Probably drinking champagne at altitude.
50
00:03:27,184 --> 00:03:31,257
- Wasn't that fun!
- That's just what I've been saying.
51
00:03:31,344 --> 00:03:33,300
How about you, young fella?
52
00:03:33,384 --> 00:03:37,138
I should never have allowed myself
to get talked into it.
53
00:03:37,224 --> 00:03:39,784
I despair of you sometimes.
54
00:03:39,864 --> 00:03:42,094
I'm going to fetch the furniture.
55
00:03:42,184 --> 00:03:46,462
- Would you like a hand?
- No, thank you. I am not in my dotage.
56
00:03:46,544 --> 00:03:49,536
- I didn't mention dotage.
- Just as well.
57
00:03:50,624 --> 00:03:52,137
Distinctly.
58
00:03:52,224 --> 00:03:55,421
- Rocky, what have you said to her?
- Why pick on me?
59
00:03:55,504 --> 00:04:00,658
- Well, you're the most likely candidate.
- Condemned without a hearing.
60
00:04:00,744 --> 00:04:05,818
- You called her a silly old bat earlier.
- I've been calling her that for years.
61
00:04:05,904 --> 00:04:07,974
It's a form of endearment.
62
00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:13,457
Yes, it is. If Rocky didn't call her that
at least once a day she'd feel neglected.
63
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:16,217
Well, somebody's said something to her.
64
00:04:16,304 --> 00:04:19,057
It wasn't when I said
the pork pie was hard?
65
00:04:19,144 --> 00:04:22,932
- She was fractious long before that.
- Perhaps it's a man.
66
00:04:23,024 --> 00:04:25,094
A man?
67
00:04:25,184 --> 00:04:29,143
Yes, you know -
trousers, low voice, that sort of thing.
68
00:04:29,224 --> 00:04:32,534
- Mrs Bale?!
- Don't say it like that, it is Mrs Bale.
69
00:04:32,624 --> 00:04:36,378
There must have been a Mr Bale,
and one assumes he was a man.
70
00:04:36,464 --> 00:04:39,024
He was an unmitigated swine, I'm afraid.
71
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:42,414
- Really?
- He was assistant manager at the Co-op.
72
00:04:42,504 --> 00:04:46,861
- He ran off with a dolly bird.
- Good gracious.
73
00:04:46,944 --> 00:04:51,096
- When was this?
- Oh, way back in the mists of time.
74
00:04:51,184 --> 00:04:53,061
She never talks about him.
75
00:04:53,144 --> 00:04:57,217
Yes but I'm not talking about
someone from the "mists of time,"
76
00:04:57,304 --> 00:05:01,013
- I'm talking about a man now.
- A man now?!
77
00:05:01,104 --> 00:05:03,060
Don't start that again.
78
00:05:03,144 --> 00:05:06,375
Well, it doesn't sound terribly likely,
does it?
79
00:05:06,464 --> 00:05:09,774
- What's the name of the grocer? Mr?
- Harris.
80
00:05:09,864 --> 00:05:12,139
- No, Wells.
- Wells. Wells.
81
00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:15,455
- What about him?
- He's always very attentive.
82
00:05:15,544 --> 00:05:20,060
I know for a fact he invited her
to the pictures the other week.
83
00:05:20,144 --> 00:05:22,533
- Did she go?
- Well, no.
84
00:05:22,624 --> 00:05:25,661
Of course. It's not a man at all.
85
00:05:25,744 --> 00:05:27,700
A woman?!
86
00:05:29,304 --> 00:05:31,260
Oh, don't be silly.
87
00:05:31,344 --> 00:05:34,893
No, I've just remembered
two things that she said.
88
00:05:34,984 --> 00:05:40,661
"I am not in my dotage,"
and "I am not a spent force."
89
00:05:40,744 --> 00:05:45,659
It's hardly likely that a suitor
would accuse her of being those, is it?
90
00:05:45,744 --> 00:05:48,816
- You're right.
- Don't all look so surprised!
91
00:05:48,904 --> 00:05:50,940
I'm not just a pretty face.
92
00:05:51,824 --> 00:05:53,974
She's a first-rate drummer, too.
93
00:05:54,064 --> 00:05:57,101
- So it's not a man.
- I never believed it was.
94
00:05:57,184 --> 00:06:01,143
- Then you say something constructive.
- Ask Mrs Bale.
95
00:06:01,224 --> 00:06:05,183
- Frontal attack?
- Over the top with fixed bayonets?
96
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:08,700
- She'll never tell us.
- We won't know if we don't ask.
97
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:11,423
Don't go at it like a bull in a china shop.
98
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:12,937
What?
99
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:15,333
When you ask her.
100
00:06:15,424 --> 00:06:17,574
- Come in.
- Afternoon, all.
101
00:06:17,664 --> 00:06:21,373
- Oh, come in Lol.
- I better not, I've been composting
102
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:26,174
so I probably pong a bit.
I just came to say I'll be off now.
103
00:06:26,264 --> 00:06:29,893
- Oh, right. See you next week then.
- Oh, er, right, er...
104
00:06:29,984 --> 00:06:33,101
- I'll be off then.
- Bye, Lol. Have a nice weekend.
105
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,140
Oh, er, right then.
106
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:40,657
- Er, I'll be off then!
- Ahem. The boy needs paying.
107
00:06:40,744 --> 00:06:43,622
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, Lol.
Why didn't you say?
108
00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:46,935
I didn't like to.
Mrs Bale usually handles that.
109
00:06:47,024 --> 00:06:49,663
Oh, er... Oh, my handbag's in the kitchen.
110
00:06:49,744 --> 00:06:53,100
- I'll wait there. Afternoon, all.
- Bye, Lol.
111
00:06:53,184 --> 00:06:56,460
- Now there's a source.
- He only wanted his wages.
112
00:06:56,544 --> 00:07:00,139
No, the other sort of source -
local knowledge.
113
00:07:00,224 --> 00:07:04,661
I wonder if he has any idea
what ails Mrs Bale.
114
00:07:04,744 --> 00:07:07,736
- Worth a crack.
- Well... l'll ask.
115
00:07:07,824 --> 00:07:11,134
Don't go at it like
a bull in a china shop, will you?
116
00:07:15,464 --> 00:07:16,817
Lol!
117
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,860
- Yes?
- Oh.
118
00:07:18,944 --> 00:07:22,095
I didn't mean to startle you.
You had a hook loose.
119
00:07:22,184 --> 00:07:25,574
Fine. Now, where did I?
Oh, there. There we are.
120
00:07:31,024 --> 00:07:34,573
- Thanks, Lol.
- Thank you very much. I'll be off then.
121
00:07:34,664 --> 00:07:38,896
- Would you like a cup of tea?
- No, I've got to wash Mother's hair.
122
00:07:38,984 --> 00:07:40,895
Perhaps something stronger?
123
00:07:40,984 --> 00:07:42,940
Whoa!
124
00:07:43,024 --> 00:07:47,700
No, she smells drink on my breath
before sunset there'll be hell to pay!
125
00:07:47,784 --> 00:07:50,378
- I'll be off then.
- Lol, just a minute.
126
00:07:50,464 --> 00:07:52,773
Erm, I want to ask you something.
127
00:07:52,864 --> 00:07:55,662
Oh, er, is it of a horticultural nature?
128
00:07:55,744 --> 00:07:57,780
Well... not exactly.
129
00:07:57,864 --> 00:08:01,300
Only, I'm...
I'm not a lot of good outside that.
130
00:08:01,384 --> 00:08:04,820
No, it's... it's about Mrs Bale.
131
00:08:04,904 --> 00:08:07,134
- Oh, dear.
- Why "oh, dear"?
132
00:08:07,224 --> 00:08:09,692
Well, she-she-she-she's a woman.
133
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,257
- Yes, I know. So am I.
- That makes it worse.
134
00:08:14,344 --> 00:08:16,300
I'm out of my depth with women.
135
00:08:16,384 --> 00:08:19,581
- No, this isn't a personal question.
- What then?
136
00:08:19,664 --> 00:08:23,339
Do you know anything
that could have upset her recently?
137
00:08:23,424 --> 00:08:26,177
- That is personal.
- Yes, I suppose it is
138
00:08:26,264 --> 00:08:28,732
but this is not a prurient enquiry.
139
00:08:28,824 --> 00:08:31,497
Pr... r... Isn't it?
140
00:08:31,584 --> 00:08:34,735
I'm not just being nosy,
I'm very fond of Mrs Bale
141
00:08:34,824 --> 00:08:37,292
and if she is upset I'd like to know why.
142
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:39,500
Well, that's very tender of you.
143
00:08:39,584 --> 00:08:43,133
Thank you.
So would you have any idea what it is?
144
00:08:43,224 --> 00:08:44,577
No.
145
00:08:46,144 --> 00:08:49,693
- Oh! Mind you, there was one thing.
- Yes?
146
00:08:49,784 --> 00:08:51,854
There was talk of a balloonist.
147
00:08:52,904 --> 00:08:56,055
- A balloonist?!
- As I say, it were just gossip.
148
00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:59,181
- Quite. What happened?
- I'd have to ask Mother.
149
00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:03,576
- 'Tis 15 years ago.
- Oh. It can hardly be that then, can it?
150
00:09:03,664 --> 00:09:05,620
Probably not.
151
00:09:05,704 --> 00:09:08,218
Er, erm... Is it all right if I go now?
152
00:09:08,304 --> 00:09:11,501
- Oh, yes, of course.
- See you next weekend then.
153
00:09:11,584 --> 00:09:12,937
Right.
154
00:09:13,024 --> 00:09:15,333
- I've just had a thought!
- Yes?
155
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:19,178
There is one way of finding out
what's bothering Mrs Bale.
156
00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:21,300
- How?
- Ask her.
157
00:09:26,824 --> 00:09:30,942
- I'm not very hungry.
- You're not angling for a custard tart?
158
00:09:31,024 --> 00:09:34,096
No. To tell the truth,
I don't feel 100% at all.
159
00:09:35,384 --> 00:09:37,773
You don't want to talk to Mrs Bale.
160
00:09:37,864 --> 00:09:39,820
- No.
- Oh, no?
161
00:09:39,904 --> 00:09:43,260
I mentioned it over soup -
which you ate heartily.
162
00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:45,300
- Drank.
- Drank, drank.
163
00:09:45,384 --> 00:09:49,343
Over the main course
we decided to talk to her after pudding.
164
00:09:49,424 --> 00:09:51,619
So you start picking at your lamb.
165
00:09:51,704 --> 00:09:56,653
Now you're pushing the crumble around
and saying you're at death's door.
166
00:09:56,744 --> 00:09:59,975
- If you...
- Winds are strong in Shetland and...
167
00:10:00,064 --> 00:10:04,023
Why do you both stop talking
every time I come in to the room?
168
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,572
- Coincidence.
- The end of a sentence.
169
00:10:06,664 --> 00:10:10,418
I refuse to believe that "if you"
is the end of a sentence.
170
00:10:11,304 --> 00:10:13,898
"If you did," that was a whole sentence.
171
00:10:13,984 --> 00:10:15,861
Did what?
172
00:10:15,944 --> 00:10:18,697
Hop. We're talking about hopping.
173
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:22,493
- Really?
- Yes. Our conversations are far-ranging.
174
00:10:23,464 --> 00:10:27,503
Your rhubarb crumble is not digested,
it's merely disturbed.
175
00:10:27,584 --> 00:10:30,144
- I don't feel very well.
- Nonsense.
176
00:10:30,224 --> 00:10:32,897
A large brandy will do the trick.
177
00:10:32,984 --> 00:10:36,420
- No, I don't think...
- Shall I serve the coffee now?
178
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:39,018
- Now, please, Mrs Bale.
- As you will.
179
00:10:39,104 --> 00:10:42,574
You can continue
your conversation about hopping.
180
00:10:43,464 --> 00:10:45,978
You see? She said nonsense.
181
00:10:46,064 --> 00:10:48,658
She's always said that about illness.
182
00:10:48,744 --> 00:10:52,180
If I walked in here with
a spear in my chest she'd say,
183
00:10:52,264 --> 00:10:55,176
"Do pull that out, it's ruining your shirt."
184
00:10:55,264 --> 00:10:59,052
It's illness now?
Not just not feeling well, it's illness?
185
00:10:59,144 --> 00:11:02,614
- Call it what you like.
- It was your idea to talk to her.
186
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:06,538
Yes. But not for me to do the talking.
You volunteered me.
187
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:10,412
- You've known her longer than I have.
- But you're a woman.
188
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,337
Why do men always say it like that?
189
00:11:13,424 --> 00:11:16,655
- Well...
- I'll tell you why, cos it's a cop-out.
190
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:19,736
"You're a woman"
is meant to sound flattering.
191
00:11:19,824 --> 00:11:23,533
What it really is, is "this is a dirty job
and will you do it?"
192
00:11:23,624 --> 00:11:27,742
- I thought you weren't a feminist?
- I'm not but I am a woman.
193
00:11:27,824 --> 00:11:32,454
I'm not faking, I really don't feel
up to a heart-to-heart with Mrs Bale.
194
00:11:32,544 --> 00:11:34,102
Oh!
195
00:11:35,184 --> 00:11:38,096
- Oh! Oh, you are rather hot.
- I know.
196
00:11:38,184 --> 00:11:40,823
Perhaps you'd better have an early night.
197
00:11:40,904 --> 00:11:44,783
Yes, perhaps I'd better.
Why don't we both have an early night?
198
00:11:44,864 --> 00:11:48,903
- I thought you weren't well?
- Not that sort of early night.
199
00:11:48,984 --> 00:11:51,452
I meant, let's talk to her tomorrow.
200
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,421
No, something's bothering her,
and I really...
201
00:11:55,104 --> 00:11:57,220
Mid-sentence again.
202
00:11:57,304 --> 00:12:01,092
- I'm going to bed.
- I really do think you should go to bed.
203
00:12:01,184 --> 00:12:06,178
- It's no good buckling under.
- I'm not, I'm just going to bed.
204
00:12:06,264 --> 00:12:09,097
- Open all the windows.
- Yes, Mrs Bale.
205
00:12:09,184 --> 00:12:11,857
- I shan't be up late myself.
- All right.
206
00:12:11,944 --> 00:12:14,458
- Er, a liqueur?
- No, thanks, Mrs Bale.
207
00:12:14,544 --> 00:12:17,138
Why don't you sit down
and have Lionel's coffee?
208
00:12:17,224 --> 00:12:20,421
- Sit down?
- I feel like Queen Victoria.
209
00:12:20,504 --> 00:12:22,893
Well, if you insist.
210
00:12:22,984 --> 00:12:26,294
I don't insist, I was just inviting you.
Shall I pour?
211
00:12:26,384 --> 00:12:28,340
- Certainly not!
- Oh! Sorry.
212
00:12:30,144 --> 00:12:32,214
- Well, let's chat.
- Chat?
213
00:12:32,304 --> 00:12:35,853
Yes, that thing that men imagine
we do all the time.
214
00:12:35,944 --> 00:12:39,141
He was a slender man
with piercing blue eyes.
215
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:43,694
- Who?
- The balloonist that Lol mentioned.
216
00:12:45,544 --> 00:12:49,219
- How did you know about that?
- Lol's mother told Mrs Tring
217
00:12:49,304 --> 00:12:53,502
who told Mr Wells the grocer, who
told me when I went in for some eggs.
218
00:12:53,584 --> 00:12:55,540
It makes e-mail look obsolete.
219
00:12:57,424 --> 00:12:59,540
And in answer to your question,
220
00:12:59,624 --> 00:13:03,697
yes, we did have a brief
but very passionate affair.
221
00:13:04,944 --> 00:13:07,504
- Are you shocked?
- No.
222
00:13:07,584 --> 00:13:12,578
I mean, a slender balloonist
with piercing blue eyes...
223
00:13:12,664 --> 00:13:16,942
Well, any woman could...
No, that wasn't my question, Mrs Bale.
224
00:13:17,024 --> 00:13:21,620
- I wasn't delving into your private life.
- Then what were you doing?
225
00:13:21,704 --> 00:13:23,899
- We're friends, aren't we?
- No.
226
00:13:24,784 --> 00:13:27,139
I have a great deal of respect for you
227
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:31,661
and you're the best thing that ever
happened to Mr Lionel - but friends?
228
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,700
- Could we begin?
- Where?
229
00:13:33,784 --> 00:13:38,539
- You could call me Jean.
- I most certainly could not!
230
00:13:38,624 --> 00:13:41,092
- And I could call you...
- Mrs Bale.
231
00:13:41,184 --> 00:13:43,140
Yes, all right, Mrs Bale.
232
00:13:43,224 --> 00:13:45,340
I'll come straight to the point.
233
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:48,222
We all know that
something's troubling you
234
00:13:48,304 --> 00:13:52,297
and is there anything that we can do
to help? Anything I can do?
235
00:13:52,384 --> 00:13:54,898
- I apologise.
- What for?
236
00:13:54,984 --> 00:13:57,703
For allowing
any small problem I may have
237
00:13:57,784 --> 00:14:00,503
to affect my efficiency as a housekeeper.
238
00:14:00,584 --> 00:14:02,495
It doesn't.
239
00:14:02,584 --> 00:14:04,495
It hasn't.
240
00:14:04,584 --> 00:14:06,654
- What small problem?
- Mine.
241
00:14:08,544 --> 00:14:11,934
Lol Ferris always describes you
as a tender woman.
242
00:14:12,024 --> 00:14:16,973
- It makes me sound like a steak.
- No, it doesn't. And he's right.
243
00:14:17,064 --> 00:14:19,419
- Mrs Bale.
- Yes?
244
00:14:19,504 --> 00:14:23,816
One day will you tell me more
about the slender balloonist?
245
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:26,338
Perhaps. One day.
246
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:34,141
Shh!
247
00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:39,575
Shh!
Who are you talking to?
248
00:14:39,664 --> 00:14:41,620
The door.
249
00:14:41,704 --> 00:14:44,502
- Did I wake you?
- No, I was just dozing.
250
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:48,463
Oh, sorry. Oh! You didn't have to do that.
251
00:14:48,544 --> 00:14:52,856
Yes, I did. The suspense of waiting
for you to bump into something
252
00:14:52,944 --> 00:14:54,900
would've kept me awake.
253
00:14:54,984 --> 00:14:58,420
- How are you feeling?
- Still putting it on.
254
00:14:58,504 --> 00:15:00,734
You're not going to go all noble on me?
255
00:15:00,824 --> 00:15:04,817
- I don't feel at all noble.
- Mrs Bale said open the window.
256
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:08,738
- Mrs Bale is a Spartan.
- Let some fresh air in.
257
00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:12,180
- Why?!
- Because I used to be a nurse.
258
00:15:12,264 --> 00:15:15,574
- Did you freeze patients to death?
- All the time.
259
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,814
- Have you had a drink?
- Yes.
260
00:15:17,904 --> 00:15:20,418
I've got a case of Scotch under the bed.
261
00:15:20,504 --> 00:15:24,577
- You're gonna be difficult, aren't you?
- You can't come in here!
262
00:15:24,664 --> 00:15:27,132
Why? Are you expecting someone else?
263
00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:30,453
You might catch whatever I've got.
264
00:15:30,544 --> 00:15:32,899
I'm gonna catch it anyway, aren't I?
265
00:15:35,904 --> 00:15:38,099
Terrible draught from that window.
266
00:15:38,184 --> 00:15:43,178
Think of it as fresh air. If you're no better
in the morning I'll call the doctor.
267
00:15:43,264 --> 00:15:45,824
- I don't want a doctor.
- I'll call him anyway.
268
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:49,021
- Damn.
- You'll have to swear harder than that.
269
00:15:49,104 --> 00:15:51,060
No, I need a pee.
270
00:15:51,864 --> 00:15:53,582
Ohh.
271
00:15:53,664 --> 00:15:56,622
- Do you want a bottle?
- Certainly not.
272
00:16:00,064 --> 00:16:02,817
- I can manage!
- Let's just see, shall we?
273
00:16:02,904 --> 00:16:05,054
Get the dressing gown on.
274
00:16:05,144 --> 00:16:07,658
Are you trying to dislocate my shoulder?
275
00:16:07,744 --> 00:16:10,577
- There's a knack to this.
- You've lost it.
276
00:16:10,664 --> 00:16:12,620
Let me do it. There!
277
00:16:14,584 --> 00:16:16,540
Did you have a chat with Mrs Bale?
278
00:16:16,624 --> 00:16:20,537
More of a fencing match.
I didn't get past her guard once.
279
00:16:20,624 --> 00:16:25,220
- You don't have to come with me!
- Just as far as the bathroom door.
280
00:16:25,304 --> 00:16:27,260
You look a bit wobbly to me.
281
00:16:28,344 --> 00:16:31,222
You nurses
and your professional jargon.
282
00:16:31,304 --> 00:16:36,139
- And don't lock the door.
- I shan't pitch headfirst down the loo.
283
00:16:36,224 --> 00:16:39,455
I sincerely hope not.
Just don't lock the door.
284
00:16:39,544 --> 00:16:43,253
- What's going on?
- I'm being taken for a wee-wee.
285
00:16:43,344 --> 00:16:45,300
Come along then.
286
00:16:49,424 --> 00:16:51,415
I can do it by myself!
287
00:16:53,584 --> 00:16:55,620
Well, don't lock it!
288
00:16:57,024 --> 00:17:01,859
I'll do a deal - I won't lock it
if you'll both move away or sing.
289
00:17:02,624 --> 00:17:05,582
- What shall we sing?
- Let's just move away.
290
00:17:05,664 --> 00:17:09,179
I know men can be awful babies
but how is he?
291
00:17:09,264 --> 00:17:11,698
A bit babyish but he's not at all well.
292
00:17:11,784 --> 00:17:14,423
Shall I whip up an egg custard?
293
00:17:14,504 --> 00:17:16,699
On the whole I think not, Mrs Bale.
294
00:17:16,784 --> 00:17:19,457
A good night may help.
If not I'll call the doctor.
295
00:17:19,544 --> 00:17:23,423
- The local doctor?
- Yes. Why?
296
00:17:23,504 --> 00:17:26,701
- Why not see your own doctor?
- It's a long drive.
297
00:17:26,784 --> 00:17:29,457
I meant go back to London
in the morning.
298
00:17:29,544 --> 00:17:33,981
Not if Lionel's not better.
Why, what's wrong with the local chap?
299
00:17:34,064 --> 00:17:37,454
- I didn't say anything was wrong.
- You made a face.
300
00:17:37,544 --> 00:17:41,014
I expect Mr Lionel
will be quite well in the morning.
301
00:17:41,104 --> 00:17:44,016
Call me if you need me. Good night.
302
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,935
Good night.
303
00:17:49,184 --> 00:17:51,140
Are you all right in there?
304
00:17:51,224 --> 00:17:53,260
I asked you to move away or sing.
305
00:17:55,064 --> 00:17:57,339
# Raindrops keep falling on my head
306
00:17:58,424 --> 00:18:00,096
# But that doesn't mean to say... #
307
00:18:06,704 --> 00:18:09,093
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
308
00:18:09,184 --> 00:18:11,573
No, it's Mrs Bale!
309
00:18:11,664 --> 00:18:14,178
That's a very silly hat you're wearing.
310
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,459
People who live in greenhouses...
311
00:18:16,544 --> 00:18:22,176
Mine is functional. Yours, I assume,
is some sort of fashion statement.
312
00:18:22,264 --> 00:18:25,540
It isn't. Just something I... threw on.
313
00:18:25,624 --> 00:18:28,263
I should throw it off again if I were you.
314
00:18:28,344 --> 00:18:31,495
- Now, if you'll excuse me.
- Going scrambling?
315
00:18:31,584 --> 00:18:35,623
I'm going to get something for Mr Lionel.
He's not very well.
316
00:18:35,704 --> 00:18:38,457
- What's the trouble?
- The trouble is...
317
00:18:38,544 --> 00:18:42,742
that Mrs Hardcastle the younger
has sent for the doctor.
318
00:18:42,824 --> 00:18:45,896
The front door's open. Let yourself in.
319
00:18:46,984 --> 00:18:50,181
What's wrong
with sending for the doctor?
320
00:19:01,464 --> 00:19:03,932
Hi, honey, I'm home!
321
00:19:04,024 --> 00:19:07,300
Alistair? Where did you spring from?
322
00:19:07,384 --> 00:19:10,854
Jean, you were a nurse, you should
know. How's my main man?
323
00:19:10,944 --> 00:19:13,742
Not well.
He's hardly touched his breakfast.
324
00:19:13,824 --> 00:19:15,894
Shall I get him a custard tart?
325
00:19:15,984 --> 00:19:19,943
- I think not. Come and have some tea.
- Right. Incidentally...
326
00:19:20,024 --> 00:19:21,582
do you like the hat?
327
00:19:21,664 --> 00:19:23,814
It looks a bit silly.
328
00:19:23,904 --> 00:19:25,940
Oh!
329
00:19:26,024 --> 00:19:27,980
I'll go. You have a sit-down.
330
00:19:28,064 --> 00:19:30,020
No, no, no. I'll go.
331
00:19:30,104 --> 00:19:32,413
I'll go. Oh...
332
00:19:36,144 --> 00:19:38,453
I'm not used to Lionel being ill.
333
00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:41,900
He'll be fine.
The guy's an old bull elephant.
334
00:19:41,984 --> 00:19:46,421
- Mrs Bale said you'd sent for the doctor.
- He's coming after surgery.
335
00:19:46,504 --> 00:19:49,018
She didn't sound that keen on the idea.
336
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:52,653
She's more faith in
some old girl with a cauldron.
337
00:19:52,744 --> 00:19:55,019
Where does she keep this cauldron?
338
00:19:55,104 --> 00:19:57,060
Ask her, if you have the nerve.
339
00:19:57,144 --> 00:19:59,499
No thanks, I don't see meself as a frog.
340
00:19:59,584 --> 00:20:03,543
It is good to see you
but you haven't told me why you're here.
341
00:20:03,624 --> 00:20:07,776
Oh, erm... Li and I
were going to the races this afternoon.
342
00:20:07,864 --> 00:20:09,820
He hates horse racing.
343
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:12,577
Ah, no, this is, er, point-to-point.
344
00:20:12,664 --> 00:20:14,620
Still horses, isn't it?
345
00:20:14,704 --> 00:20:17,138
Well, yes, but...
346
00:20:17,224 --> 00:20:19,180
Ah, do I hear that bell again?
347
00:20:19,264 --> 00:20:21,300
I wish I'd never given it to him.
348
00:20:21,384 --> 00:20:25,013
Those stairs lose their novelty value
after the 15th time.
349
00:20:25,104 --> 00:20:29,222
Let me do it.
This could be a... a guy-to-guy thing.
350
00:20:29,304 --> 00:20:32,501
Yes, like his new-found interest
in horse racing.
351
00:20:32,584 --> 00:20:34,540
Right!
352
00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:37,377
He's coming! He's coming!
353
00:20:48,944 --> 00:20:50,900
You rang, master?
354
00:20:56,504 --> 00:21:01,294
- Just trying to raise a smile, Li.
- What are you doing here?
355
00:21:01,384 --> 00:21:04,217
Not basking in
the warmth of your welcome!
356
00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:06,738
We had a date, remember?
357
00:21:06,824 --> 00:21:09,816
Oh, yes. Well, that's off. Where's Jean?
358
00:21:09,904 --> 00:21:13,943
Having a sit-down. I get the impression
you've been over-tinkling.
359
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:18,017
As a matter of fact
I've been a model of restraint.
360
00:21:21,304 --> 00:21:24,182
- Rocky and Madge.
- Oh, they're all I need.
361
00:21:24,264 --> 00:21:27,779
Leave this to me, mate,
I'll stop 'em in their tracks.
362
00:21:27,864 --> 00:21:31,300
Might as well try to
stop a tank with a popgun.
363
00:21:31,384 --> 00:21:34,182
Well, yes, he is rather.
How did you know?
364
00:21:34,264 --> 00:21:37,654
Mrs Tring's daughter in the surgery
told her mother.
365
00:21:37,744 --> 00:21:40,212
She told Molly Kindred at the garage.
366
00:21:40,304 --> 00:21:43,137
Who mentioned it to Mrs Williams,
who told us.
367
00:21:43,224 --> 00:21:46,296
Remind me
to start a rumour down here one day.
368
00:21:46,384 --> 00:21:49,456
- We'd better go and see the boy.
- Ginger him up.
369
00:21:49,544 --> 00:21:52,741
- I don't think...
- No point in disturbing him,
370
00:21:52,824 --> 00:21:56,055
he's sleeping like a baby.
371
00:21:58,344 --> 00:22:01,142
Must've been a catnap. Come on, Madge.
372
00:22:01,224 --> 00:22:03,454
Gingering up, that's what he needs.
373
00:22:03,544 --> 00:22:06,854
- What did he want that time?
- I never found out.
374
00:22:06,944 --> 00:22:10,300
- This will do the trick.
- What's in the bowl?
375
00:22:10,384 --> 00:22:12,136
Goose fat.
376
00:22:12,224 --> 00:22:16,183
- Did you say goose fat?
- And brown paper on the chest.
377
00:22:16,264 --> 00:22:18,220
It never fails.
378
00:22:18,304 --> 00:22:20,260
Oh!
379
00:22:21,504 --> 00:22:23,096
Yes?!
380
00:22:23,184 --> 00:22:26,460
- Dr Stoker.
- I'm so sorry. Do come in.
381
00:22:31,544 --> 00:22:33,899
It's not, er, Bram Stoker, is it?
382
00:22:36,184 --> 00:22:39,654
I'm not being smothered in goose fat
and that's final!
383
00:22:39,744 --> 00:22:41,780
Nobody mentioned smothering!
384
00:22:41,864 --> 00:22:45,140
They work wonders,
these old-fashioned remedies.
385
00:22:45,224 --> 00:22:47,692
- A bread poultice?
- They're for cuts.
386
00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:49,934
Who cares? Slap one on anyway.
387
00:22:50,024 --> 00:22:52,458
- Will you undo these...
- Go away!
388
00:22:52,544 --> 00:22:55,775
- Be a brave boy.
- I will not be a brave boy!
389
00:22:55,864 --> 00:22:57,820
The doctor's here!
390
00:22:57,904 --> 00:23:00,657
- Good morning.
- Morning.
391
00:23:00,744 --> 00:23:04,054
- All of you, out.
- Take your goose fat with you.
392
00:23:05,104 --> 00:23:07,254
I shall be outside.
393
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,778
All right, let's have a look at you.
394
00:23:18,464 --> 00:23:21,820
- You don't look well.
- That's encouraging.
395
00:23:21,904 --> 00:23:24,179
- Hot and cold?
- Yes.
396
00:23:24,264 --> 00:23:26,220
- Achey joints?
- Yes.
397
00:23:26,304 --> 00:23:29,455
- You're not well.
- I realised that.
398
00:23:29,544 --> 00:23:32,104
It's going round, this, erm...
399
00:23:32,184 --> 00:23:34,539
- What is?
- Whatever it is.
400
00:23:34,624 --> 00:23:36,535
Well, don't you know what it is?
401
00:23:36,624 --> 00:23:37,977
No.
402
00:23:39,504 --> 00:23:42,302
- What are you writing?
- A prescription.
403
00:23:42,384 --> 00:23:45,103
But you don't know
what's wrong with me.
404
00:23:45,184 --> 00:23:47,573
Well, it's worth a try, isn't it?
405
00:23:50,904 --> 00:23:53,577
Or we could go for those. Might work.
406
00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:01,780
You're not still sulking
over your goose fat, Mrs Bale?
407
00:24:01,864 --> 00:24:06,984
I'm not sulking at all. I'm concerned
about Mr Hardcastle the younger.
408
00:24:07,064 --> 00:24:11,660
- He'll be OK, the doc's with him.
- That's what I'm concerned about.
409
00:24:11,744 --> 00:24:14,463
- He was a fat lot of good.
- What did he say?
410
00:24:14,544 --> 00:24:18,537
- It's something going around.
- Wonderful, modern medicine.
411
00:24:18,624 --> 00:24:21,821
- He's a charlatan.
- I wouldn't put it like that.
412
00:24:21,904 --> 00:24:26,341
With a bedside manner like that
he should be a mortuary attendant.
413
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:30,660
- Now what are you doing up?
- Having a moan.
414
00:24:30,744 --> 00:24:34,419
- What was his name again?
- Stoker. He's the local man.
415
00:24:34,504 --> 00:24:38,019
- We never go to the doctor's.
- What do you do when you're ill?
416
00:24:38,104 --> 00:24:41,813
- Get better, of course.
- Yes. Which is what you must do.
417
00:24:41,904 --> 00:24:43,860
I'm not having that goose fat.
418
00:24:43,944 --> 00:24:47,698
Speaking as someone who trained
with Florence Nightingale,
419
00:24:47,784 --> 00:24:49,979
it's a virus and you'll be fine soon.
420
00:24:50,064 --> 00:24:55,377
- We don't need that prescription then.
- He wouldn't prescribe anything bad.
421
00:24:55,464 --> 00:24:58,342
- Hmm...
- I could whizz down the chemist now.
422
00:24:58,424 --> 00:25:01,973
- Oh, would you?
- We've got to get down to Brighton.
423
00:25:02,064 --> 00:25:04,180
- What for?
- Stock-car racing.
424
00:25:04,264 --> 00:25:07,097
- You're not?
- We're watching! We're watching!
425
00:25:07,184 --> 00:25:10,176
Don't let him be a nuisance,
Jean Pargetter.
426
00:25:10,264 --> 00:25:12,937
- I shan't. Bye.
- Bye.
427
00:25:13,024 --> 00:25:16,733
I'll be back before you can say,
"are you back already?"
428
00:25:18,704 --> 00:25:21,696
- I think I'm going back to bed.
- I should.
429
00:25:21,784 --> 00:25:24,218
And I don't want to see Dr Death again.
430
00:25:24,304 --> 00:25:26,693
"Spent force" indeed!
431
00:25:26,784 --> 00:25:28,740
It was him!
432
00:25:29,784 --> 00:25:33,299
- He upset you.
- Very well, it was him.
433
00:25:33,384 --> 00:25:37,536
I went to see him a few days ago,
against my better judgment.
434
00:25:37,624 --> 00:25:39,819
I've been feeling a little tired.
435
00:25:39,904 --> 00:25:43,499
"A spent force" wasn't
his actual diagnosis, was it?
436
00:25:43,584 --> 00:25:48,180
He may not have used those actual
words but the implication was clear.
437
00:25:48,264 --> 00:25:51,893
He kept saying, "at your time of life".
438
00:25:51,984 --> 00:25:55,693
- He said that to me.
- "Everything's bound to slow down."
439
00:25:55,784 --> 00:25:59,777
- And that!
- Did he prescribe anything?
440
00:25:59,864 --> 00:26:02,662
Oh, I poured that straight down the sink.
441
00:26:02,744 --> 00:26:06,783
- Oh, Mrs Bale!
- Lol's mother made me up a potion
442
00:26:06,864 --> 00:26:09,059
and I feel as right as rain again.
443
00:26:09,144 --> 00:26:11,294
- What was in it?
- Who's to say?
444
00:26:11,384 --> 00:26:15,536
We know who to call next time
somebody's unwell - Lol's mother.
445
00:26:15,624 --> 00:26:19,173
Not if she ever finds out
you refused the goose fat.
446
00:26:19,264 --> 00:26:21,459
I am going back to bed now.
447
00:26:21,544 --> 00:26:23,500
Yes, come on, soldier.
448
00:26:23,584 --> 00:26:25,461
Shall I carry you up?
449
00:26:25,544 --> 00:26:28,536
Not at our time of life, Mrs Bale.
450
00:26:31,424 --> 00:26:33,380
There. Comfy?
451
00:26:33,464 --> 00:26:37,457
- Yes, thank you, Nurse.
- Would you like the curtains closed?
452
00:26:37,544 --> 00:26:41,332
No, I might miss Lol's mum
flying past on her broomstick.
453
00:26:44,904 --> 00:26:48,738
- I've been overusing the bell, haven't I?
- Marginally.
454
00:26:48,824 --> 00:26:50,780
- Lionel.
- Mm.
455
00:26:50,864 --> 00:26:53,059
You did know Alistair was coming?
456
00:26:53,144 --> 00:26:55,100
Of course.
457
00:26:55,184 --> 00:26:58,096
- You didn't say anything.
- I thought I did.
458
00:26:58,184 --> 00:27:01,256
He said you're going racing.
You don't like racing.
459
00:27:01,344 --> 00:27:03,619
Oh, this isn't horses, this is cars.
460
00:27:03,704 --> 00:27:06,901
- Alistair said it was horses.
- Oh.
461
00:27:06,984 --> 00:27:09,452
Unless it was horses racing cars.
462
00:27:10,104 --> 00:27:13,699
- It's not fair to interrogate a sick man.
- I know.
463
00:27:13,784 --> 00:27:16,014
So what have you planned?
464
00:27:16,104 --> 00:27:18,015
All right, if you must know.
465
00:27:18,104 --> 00:27:21,301
No, no, no, no. I don't have to know.
466
00:27:23,024 --> 00:27:25,060
Well?
467
00:27:25,144 --> 00:27:29,615
We were going into Winchester.
Alistair knows an antique jeweller.
468
00:27:29,704 --> 00:27:33,060
I wanted to find something special
for your birthday.
469
00:27:33,144 --> 00:27:35,942
Oh, that's sweet!
470
00:27:36,024 --> 00:27:39,255
I shouldn't do that,
you might catch what I've got.
471
00:27:39,344 --> 00:27:41,300
I think I've got it anyway.
472
00:27:41,384 --> 00:27:44,262
Oh, dear. You hopping in?
473
00:27:44,344 --> 00:27:46,733
No, I'm just gonna lie down for a bit.
474
00:27:47,664 --> 00:27:52,135
Two things - no Dr Death
and no goose fat and brown paper.
475
00:27:52,224 --> 00:27:53,782
Right.
476
00:27:54,864 --> 00:27:56,820
You'd better have this.
477
00:28:08,064 --> 00:28:10,737
# You must remember this
478
00:28:10,824 --> 00:28:13,133
# A kiss is still a kiss
479
00:28:13,224 --> 00:28:16,500
# A sigh is just a sigh
480
00:28:18,704 --> 00:28:22,140
# The fundamental things apply
481
00:28:22,224 --> 00:28:25,978
# As time goes by
482
00:28:29,624 --> 00:28:32,297
# And when two lovers woo
483
00:28:32,384 --> 00:28:34,898
# They still say I love you
484
00:28:34,984 --> 00:28:38,101
# On that you can rely
485
00:28:40,664 --> 00:28:45,215
# The world will always welcome lovers
486
00:28:46,304 --> 00:28:53,255
# As time goes by #
39340
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