Original subtitles

♪♪

[ Thunder crashes ]

[ Theme music plays ]

♪♪

[ Whirring ]

♪♪

Man: It's alive! [ Thunder rumbles ]

♪♪

[ Thunder crashes ]

♪♪

Hey. You can understand Detective Pikachu, right?

All I hear is "pika, pika."

Why? What do you hear?

Kill John Lennon.

[ Gunshot ]

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

What?

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

What?

Repeat after me.

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.

The rain in Spain [Speaks indistinctly]

Nobody is gonna believe you're human

if you sound like that.

Try again.

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain.

The rain on Spain

stays mainly in the plain, ugh.

Good! Good, again!

The rain in Spain stays mainly on the...

Get down!

[ Gunshots ]

You said, "Get down," and I understood you!

By George, I think you've got it!

This 1932 Bordeaux is quite jejune.

I would have preferred a 1931.

Yeah, that is definitely a very human thing to say.

♪♪

[ Beeping ]

Goodbye, old friend!

Hey, no dumping!

Rules don't apply to me!

I'm fucking Emily Elizabeth!

Bam, bam, bam, bam!

Good morning, Disney villain descendants!

Today, we have a new student joining us.

My name is Laura, and my dad is Wolverine.

Wolverine is not Disney.

Or a Villain.

Wolverine is Marvel, and Marvel is owned by Disney,

and he kills people with razor-sharp claws, so...

Well, if you want to hang with us,

we need to know if you're wicked to the root.

Or all you all talk?

♪ They say I'm naughty ♪

♪ They say I'm wrong ♪

♪ Teachers and me don't get along ♪

♪ They call me misfit ♪

♪ I think I'm cute ♪

♪ You know, I'm wicked down to the root ♪

Ow! ♪ They say I don't belong ♪

♪ And my dad is not a villain ♪

♪ But name another girl that does as much killing ♪

♪ Most of the kids would be outside playing ♪

♪ I'd rather slit some throats and see the blood spraying ♪

♪ I'm wicked to the root, so you better be wearing me ♪

♪ I watched my father die and never got therapy ♪

♪ Next one that says I don't belong in this place ♪

♪ Will be the first motherfucker ♪

♪ Get stabbed in the face ♪

Wow. That was actually really...

Ah! Ugh!

Why the fuck would you kill him?

If I didn't, I'd be all talk.

How are the Power Rangers doing this?

They're only teenagers!

Ugh! Think, Rita!

This calls for a different approach!

Wait!

Ugh! I can buy you booze!

[ Ding! ]

-Aw, man! -Yes!

-Are you wasted! -Alcohol!

Stop! Rangers, you must save the Earth!

Shut up, Dad!

Whoo! Ay, ay, ay!

Robot ride, TikTok.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, shit. Somebody called the cops!

I, uh, can't get arrested again!

Your parents are going to be very disappointed in you!

Coming up in the exciting new season of "Ice Road Truckers,"

global warming changes all the rules.

Global warming my ass.

The river has frozen solid enough to drive

on every year since my daddy...

Ah!

♪♪

♪♪

And announcing our new show "Ice Road Helicopters"

because copters don't sink into rivers, or do they?

Fridays at 8:00.

I'm Don Lemon Lime.

And I'm Wolf Spritzer.

Today, a city bus smashed into a baby carriage

filled with cans.

Warning, this footage may be too graphic for some viewers.

We go to our reporter on the scene.

Thanks, Wolf.

The speeding bus was going just over 50 miles per hour.

Bystanders report hearing someone on the bus say, "Whoa!"

In other news, authorities have discovered

yet another mass grave.

And now, would anyone like to say a few words about Jeffrey?

No one? Okay.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Seriously?

No one has anything to say about me?

[ All gasp ] Jeffrey?

You're alive? Uh, hell yes, I am!

I faked my death to see what people would say,

not much, I guess!

That is so messed up!

Uh, messed up is watching you text at my funeral, Linda!

Jeffrey, you are completely insane!

You didn't cry one tear, not one!

That is completely insane!

How could you do this? You're a jerk!

A monster! Asshole!

You back away! I am the victim here!

Dude, that's fucked up! Yeah!

I -- I had to take off work for this.

Get away! My chest hurts!

Ah! Gah! Ugh! Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ashes to ashes.

They're grrrreat!

My teacher says homosexuals used bandannas in the '70s

as code for sex acts.

Red is for fiiiisting!

But we should report your teacher.

You're up, Felicity Hopman!

Listen, the birds sense the monster is coming.

Come on!

[ Grunting ]

Ow, my skull! Don't look.

[ All grunting, shouting ]

Ow, my head, ow. Ow.

I'm calling Child Protective Services!

Quick! We have to find our blindfolds before we see...

[ Screeches ]

'Sups, gangs?

Anyone know where to get some fresh penis in these woods?

Honk!

...this bird's disgusting vagina.

The sight of it is what's making people kill themselves.

It's literally this bird's box.

Hey! My box is primo, mwah, just needs a little

Summer's Eve or something.

Ew! Why is there pus coming out of it?

[ Crying ] I'm so sorry, kids!

I can't let you live in a world having seen that.

Bang, bang, bang!

Whatevs, bitches. I'ma just be me.

[ Sniffs ] Whew.

I should probably get tested.

We shall play until the end.

We shall serve drinks until the end!

Whoo!

Thank you.

We shall wash dishes until the end.

We shall look out for icebergs until the end.

And no breaks this time.

[ Snoring ]

Okay, kids. Today, we'll be going over...

-Hi, Glen. -[ Screams ]

Time to face your ultimate fear.

[ Cackles ]

Ah! I'm naked at school!

Not that, I'm talking about me, yah, your ultimate fear!

[ Laughter ]

Look at Glen's balls.

Oh, man, they're different sizes!

With moles! They're supposed to be!

That's how God makes balls!

This is a nightmare!

No, I'm the nightmare!

Witness all the souls I consumed!

Ah!

[ Screaming ]

[ Laughter ]

All: Look at that guy's dick!

Please kill me! Just get me out of this!

Just kill me, man!

Now I don't even want to kill you.

You're scary! You're -- You are a nightmare!

That sweater is terrifying!

Please, get back here and kill me!

Fuck you! And fuck your ugly balls!

Good night!

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

I won't, Daddy.

[ Screaming ]

What did I tell you?!

I'm sorry!

You had one job!

Oh, my God, I'm sorry!

Harvey: All right, everybody!

It's time to play "Family Feud: Ent Edition."

All right, everybody. Calm down.

Let's start the show. Thank you. I love you, too.

We've got Birchseed and Treebeard here to start us off.

Name a color that a wizard might wear.

Still looking for a color for -- for a wizard, you know,

maybe something that... a color for his robe, you know?

Wizards wear hats, wizard hat color,

wizard shoes, you know,

whether they be like a dress shoe or a wizard-y tennis shoe?

Oh, good, good. Okay, okay.

The trees are moving.

Hurry up. Come on.

There they go.

Look like we got a race.

Sooner or later, one of y'all gonna come down,

and that first one to do so gets to answer!

Don't use your muscle power.

Just let it -- Let it go limp.

Let gravity take over. Don't fight it now.

Just let it...

[ Beep ]

[ Groaning ]

And that's all the time we have for "Family Feud: Ent Edition."

Hey! Do you have the new Air Jordan 3s in mocha?

Yeah, I guess -- Yeah, I guess these are cool, too.

It was supposed to be a routine mission.

Predator Wilson to headquarters, do you copy?

Ugh, there's no signal, Jesus.

Stranded on an unforgiving planet...

Oh, thank God, civilization!

[ Crying ]

What the fuck?

...a planet of monsters...

[ Screams ]

I don't want to die!

No! Get away!

[ Screams ]

I'm so-- I'm sorry!

Oh fuck!

[ Speaking indistinctly ]

-I need you to shut up. -Ow!

...hunted by bloodthirsty humans...

Ah! Oh, thank God, Marjorie packed me

a first aid kit, oh, my God.

If it bleeds, we can kill it!

[ Scoffs ] I hope they're not talking about me.

Ugh, I might never see my family again.

Ah, surprise!

...ruthlessly beaten and left to die

but not before having the last laugh.

Please enjoy this joke while your self-destruct warms up.

What's the difference between a zleeborg and a clorvax?

One is a zargok.

The other is a buck buck!

[ Laughing maniacally ]

♪♪

Coming this mating season based on a true story, "Human."

That looks scary! Nope. Nope. Not for me.

No thanks.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

Stupid Monkey.