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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:04,475 ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,542 --> 00:00:05,476 [ Thunder crashes ] 3 00:00:05,543 --> 00:00:07,078 [ Cackles ] 4 00:00:07,144 --> 00:00:11,848 [ Theme music plays ] 5 00:00:11,915 --> 00:00:13,884 [ Whirring ] 6 00:00:13,951 --> 00:00:17,721 ♪♪ 7 00:00:17,788 --> 00:00:19,590 Man: It's alive! 8 00:00:19,657 --> 00:00:27,198 ♪♪ 9 00:00:27,264 --> 00:00:28,599 [ Thunder rumbles ] 10 00:00:28,666 --> 00:00:38,475 ♪♪ 11 00:00:38,542 --> 00:00:41,645 [ Deep voice ] I don't know what happened to my voice, Dave. 12 00:00:41,712 --> 00:00:43,814 Just look at the flowers, Alvin. 13 00:00:43,881 --> 00:00:44,815 [ Revolver cocks ] 14 00:00:44,882 --> 00:00:46,683 ♪♪ 15 00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:47,518 [ Gunshot ] 16 00:00:47,585 --> 00:00:48,585 Who's next? 17 00:00:48,652 --> 00:00:52,189 Run, Theodore! Shiiiiit! 18 00:00:52,255 --> 00:00:53,590 Lady of the Lake, 19 00:00:53,657 --> 00:00:55,526 King Arthur lies dying from battle 20 00:00:55,593 --> 00:00:57,828 and would see Excalibur returns to you, 21 00:00:57,895 --> 00:00:59,763 so when a new king arises, 22 00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:03,100 he shall find Excalibur waiting. 23 00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:08,005 ♪♪ 24 00:01:08,072 --> 00:01:09,840 Oh, bollocks. 25 00:01:09,906 --> 00:01:10,808 Uh... 26 00:01:10,874 --> 00:01:11,809 [ Fingers snap ] 27 00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:14,679 Excalibur! 28 00:01:14,745 --> 00:01:16,180 Blazes. 29 00:01:16,247 --> 00:01:19,183 Oh, are you getting frustrated, magic arm? 30 00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:20,851 There's just as much lake over here. 31 00:01:20,917 --> 00:01:23,254 Come here to the sword, magic arm. 32 00:01:24,121 --> 00:01:25,255 [ Fingers snap ] 33 00:01:25,322 --> 00:01:26,691 Have you ever tried throwing a sword? 34 00:01:26,757 --> 00:01:29,359 The center of balance betrays the throw. 35 00:01:29,426 --> 00:01:31,095 Have pity. 36 00:01:32,529 --> 00:01:33,764 Oh, bloody right. 37 00:01:33,830 --> 00:01:35,632 I'm going to get the sword, and I'm going to cut 38 00:01:35,699 --> 00:01:37,567 the fucking magic arm off of you, 39 00:01:37,634 --> 00:01:39,236 you fucking lake with an arm on it. 40 00:01:39,303 --> 00:01:41,739 You fucking fucker. 41 00:01:41,805 --> 00:01:42,907 Oh! Right! 42 00:01:42,973 --> 00:01:45,609 Fucking come here, you fucking bitch! 43 00:01:45,676 --> 00:01:49,113 Percival, God has laid his grace upon me, 44 00:01:49,180 --> 00:01:50,981 for I have recovered, and I -- 45 00:01:51,048 --> 00:01:53,650 Oh, shit. Jesus, fucking! 46 00:01:53,717 --> 00:01:55,152 Get back here! 47 00:01:55,219 --> 00:01:56,320 Ow! 48 00:01:56,387 --> 00:02:00,190 Narrator: And so Legend of Excalibur lives on. 49 00:02:00,257 --> 00:02:02,426 This one's a bit of a fixer-upper 50 00:02:02,492 --> 00:02:04,227 but has excellent curb appeal. 51 00:02:04,294 --> 00:02:05,563 I'll take it. 52 00:02:05,630 --> 00:02:07,197 You don't want to see the inside? 53 00:02:07,264 --> 00:02:09,567 Are you kidding? It's a skull! 54 00:02:09,634 --> 00:02:11,902 I'm a skull! Oh, come on. 55 00:02:11,969 --> 00:02:14,004 I'll give you 15% over listing. 56 00:02:14,071 --> 00:02:17,341 [ Jet engine roars in distance ] 57 00:02:17,407 --> 00:02:20,177 [ Sighing ] Oh, shit. I'm under a fucking flight path. 58 00:02:20,244 --> 00:02:22,313 I'll take it! 59 00:02:22,379 --> 00:02:23,481 ♪♪ 60 00:02:23,547 --> 00:02:28,085 Happy birthday, Ronald! Make a wish! 61 00:02:28,152 --> 00:02:32,522 [ Chuckling ] Yes! Now that's a Happy Meal. 62 00:02:34,224 --> 00:02:35,192 [ Rapid chiming ] 63 00:02:35,726 --> 00:02:36,093 Shh!Shh! Shh!Shh! 64 00:02:36,426 --> 00:02:37,428 Come on. This is a library. 65 00:02:37,494 --> 00:02:38,262 Shh! 66 00:02:38,328 --> 00:02:40,163 [ Chiming ] Study. 67 00:02:40,230 --> 00:02:41,432 Where were you carrying those? 68 00:02:41,498 --> 00:02:44,602 Leave the library! Shh. 69 00:02:44,669 --> 00:02:46,304 The Mirror of Erised 70 00:02:46,370 --> 00:02:50,073 shows us our heart's most desperate desire. 71 00:02:50,140 --> 00:02:51,975 -Boobs. -Titties. 72 00:02:52,042 --> 00:02:53,377 -Boobs. -Tits. 73 00:02:53,443 --> 00:02:55,078 -Boobs. -Boobs. 74 00:02:55,145 --> 00:02:55,913 -Titties. -Boobs. 75 00:02:55,980 --> 00:02:56,914 [ Whimpering ] 76 00:02:56,981 --> 00:02:58,682 What is it you see, Harry? 77 00:02:58,749 --> 00:03:01,986 Oh, um, I s-s-saw my parents. 78 00:03:02,052 --> 00:03:03,854 W-What do you see, Professor? 79 00:03:03,921 --> 00:03:10,094 ♪♪ 80 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,697 Socks -- Thick woolen socks. 81 00:03:14,097 --> 00:03:15,699 [ Telephone rings ] 82 00:03:15,766 --> 00:03:18,069 Charles Fort speaking. Roosevelt here. 83 00:03:18,135 --> 00:03:20,037 There's a most unfortunate ordeal 84 00:03:20,103 --> 00:03:23,074 developing in the Pine Barrens. 85 00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:24,608 Ah, the Jersey Devil. 86 00:03:24,675 --> 00:03:26,610 Yes, the unfortunate creature must be acting up 87 00:03:26,677 --> 00:03:28,279 because it's mating season. 88 00:03:28,346 --> 00:03:29,813 I'm on my way. 89 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,282 Duty calls, my dear. 90 00:03:31,349 --> 00:03:33,784 Every monster just needs a solid whopping. 91 00:03:33,851 --> 00:03:37,854 ♪♪ 92 00:03:37,921 --> 00:03:39,190 Perfect landing. 93 00:03:39,257 --> 00:03:41,358 Here, chicky, chicky, chicky! 94 00:03:41,425 --> 00:03:43,127 ♪♪ 95 00:03:43,193 --> 00:03:44,128 Aah! 96 00:03:44,195 --> 00:03:45,596 ♪♪ 97 00:03:45,663 --> 00:03:46,597 Oh! 98 00:03:46,664 --> 00:03:48,031 You like it rough, eh? 99 00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:50,667 Ha ha! 100 00:03:50,734 --> 00:03:53,204 Care for a bunch of fives, you rambunctious hoyden? 101 00:03:53,271 --> 00:03:54,838 ♪♪ 102 00:03:54,905 --> 00:03:56,207 Bup, bup! 103 00:03:56,274 --> 00:03:59,043 Bup! Whoa! 104 00:03:59,109 --> 00:04:00,778 Now, a bit of... 105 00:04:00,845 --> 00:04:02,880 ought to subdue your beastly nature. 106 00:04:02,947 --> 00:04:06,584 ♪♪ 107 00:04:06,650 --> 00:04:09,854 Wow, once again, music tames the savage beast, 108 00:04:09,921 --> 00:04:12,723 and by music, I mean my prodigious engine. 109 00:04:12,789 --> 00:04:15,125 [ Growls ] 110 00:04:15,192 --> 00:04:18,529 Oh, come to take a whack of the white staff, have you? 111 00:04:18,595 --> 00:04:20,531 Well, come forth then, lusty goblin! 112 00:04:20,597 --> 00:04:23,033 I've got two ripe ghoulies waiting for you! 113 00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,034 [ Growls ] 114 00:04:24,101 --> 00:04:25,736 [ Ding! ] 115 00:04:25,803 --> 00:04:26,837 Why? 116 00:04:26,904 --> 00:04:28,506 Why did I not figure this out? 117 00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:31,208 Why would aliens look apes? 118 00:04:31,275 --> 00:04:35,012 Why would I, a NASA-trained astronaut, 119 00:04:35,079 --> 00:04:37,848 not recognize the night sky? 120 00:04:37,915 --> 00:04:39,684 Why would aliens speak English? 121 00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:43,921 So stupid, stupid maniac! 122 00:04:43,988 --> 00:04:46,924 I carry a big gun, and I won't treat you gently, 123 00:04:46,991 --> 00:04:48,258 so tell me, Fabrizio, 124 00:04:48,325 --> 00:04:50,360 where is the skinny Sicilian? [ Knocks on door ] 125 00:04:50,427 --> 00:04:52,196 Frank, it's time. 126 00:04:52,263 --> 00:04:54,532 ♪♪ 127 00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:56,200 Come on, man. You're Frank "Fucking" Castle. 128 00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:57,301 You're a star. 129 00:04:57,368 --> 00:04:59,403 You're a big, bright, shining star. 130 00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:01,139 Yep. Here's your problem. 131 00:05:01,205 --> 00:05:03,774 Gross. Is there more than one? 132 00:05:03,841 --> 00:05:05,776 There's 802 of them. You gotta catch them all. 133 00:05:05,843 --> 00:05:08,179 Ugh, how much is that going to cost? 134 00:05:08,245 --> 00:05:10,248 Ah, yeah. Mm, yeah -- 135 00:05:10,314 --> 00:05:11,982 Woman: Wheres my little honey, Derek? 136 00:05:12,049 --> 00:05:14,017 Geez, Mom! Knock first! 137 00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:16,387 I-I-I'm sorry, Derek. I just wanted to say good night. 138 00:05:16,454 --> 00:05:17,888 Ugh, good night. 139 00:05:17,955 --> 00:05:20,224 [ Door slams ] 140 00:05:20,290 --> 00:05:22,726 Mm, yeah. Yeah -- 141 00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:24,062 Don't forget to set your alarm -- 142 00:05:24,128 --> 00:05:26,029 Oh, my God! Derek! 143 00:05:26,096 --> 00:05:27,030 [ Screams ] 144 00:05:27,097 --> 00:05:29,267 I said, "Knock"! 145 00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:31,269 Aah! Good catch, loser. 146 00:05:31,335 --> 00:05:32,270 Ugh. 147 00:05:32,336 --> 00:05:33,437 All: Boo-yah! 148 00:05:33,504 --> 00:05:35,173 'Sup, blood? 149 00:05:35,239 --> 00:05:36,607 What's shaking? 150 00:05:36,674 --> 00:05:39,910 The Koosh Kins -- from the '90s? 151 00:05:39,977 --> 00:05:41,679 Yeah, nice memory, home slice. 152 00:05:41,746 --> 00:05:44,282 Get ready to join the cool leagues! 153 00:05:44,348 --> 00:05:45,816 ♪♪ 154 00:05:45,883 --> 00:05:48,719 ♪ Hey, what's up, everyone, we're from Planet Koosh ♪ Koosh! 155 00:05:48,786 --> 00:05:51,255 ♪ If you never heard of it, you're a douche ♪ D-D-D-D-Douche! 156 00:05:51,321 --> 00:05:53,957 ♪ We've returned to Earth to help you get cool ♪ 157 00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:56,760 ♪ You got to roll with us, dog, don't be a fool ♪ 158 00:05:56,827 --> 00:05:59,230 ♪ Give me a slice, dog, and we'll get you pimping ♪ 159 00:05:59,296 --> 00:06:02,066 ♪ Hey, you the bomb, but you, you be tripping ♪ 160 00:06:02,133 --> 00:06:04,435 Trish, I'm really sorry for what's about to happen. 161 00:06:04,502 --> 00:06:07,271 ♪ Hey, shorty, what's up, you looking so fat, boo ♪ 162 00:06:07,338 --> 00:06:09,907 ♪ I'm pumped for tonight, see you in the chat room ♪ 163 00:06:09,973 --> 00:06:13,044 You are ruining everything! [ Screams ] 164 00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,879 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up? Wait, wait, wait. 165 00:06:14,945 --> 00:06:17,414 Guys, are we, like, no longer with it? 166 00:06:17,481 --> 00:06:18,983 Well, that kid is whack, homes. 167 00:06:19,050 --> 00:06:20,184 Let's hit Blockbuster 168 00:06:20,251 --> 00:06:22,453 and rent the latest Pauly Shore movie. 169 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:23,855 Word!Word! Word!Word! 170 00:06:23,921 --> 00:06:27,524 Man: It puts the lotion on its skin, 171 00:06:27,591 --> 00:06:28,960 or it gets the hose. 172 00:06:29,027 --> 00:06:32,930 I've got to stop using this temp agency. 173 00:06:32,997 --> 00:06:35,933 Is it weird I used to kidnap your girlfriend? 174 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,802 Eh. 175 00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:39,871 Welcome, X-Men, to your first day. 176 00:06:39,937 --> 00:06:43,274 When did you gifted youngsters learn you were gifted? 177 00:06:43,341 --> 00:06:45,242 Hi, my name is Scott Summers. 178 00:06:45,309 --> 00:06:48,145 I realized I had optic blast when I survived a plane crash. 179 00:06:48,212 --> 00:06:49,346 Great. 180 00:06:49,413 --> 00:06:52,416 Now I will use my psychic powers to show that moment. 181 00:06:52,483 --> 00:06:53,685 What now? 182 00:06:53,751 --> 00:06:57,421 I love you, Victoria's Secret catalog. 183 00:06:57,488 --> 00:06:59,957 Oh, oh! Aaaaaah! Wow! 184 00:07:00,024 --> 00:07:02,760 Uh...I, uh -- Wh-What? That never... 185 00:07:02,827 --> 00:07:03,828 It's okay, Scott. 186 00:07:03,895 --> 00:07:06,196 Mutant abilities emerge during puberty. 187 00:07:06,263 --> 00:07:07,398 Who's next? Bobby. 188 00:07:07,464 --> 00:07:08,999 Holy shit. I don't want to do this. 189 00:07:09,066 --> 00:07:10,668 Look, let's just say I was being bullied, 190 00:07:10,735 --> 00:07:11,902 and I turned a bully into ice. 191 00:07:11,969 --> 00:07:13,203 Excellent, Bobby. 192 00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:15,039 Now let's see it on the big board. 193 00:07:15,106 --> 00:07:17,275 Okay, I'm already dropping out, so -- s-so don't! 194 00:07:17,341 --> 00:07:19,176 Cool, everyone is asleep. 195 00:07:19,243 --> 00:07:21,045 Good thing I've packed my Victoria's Secret -- 196 00:07:21,112 --> 00:07:22,447 Ugh! 197 00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:23,648 God damn it! 198 00:07:23,715 --> 00:07:25,350 Who's next? Jean. 199 00:07:25,416 --> 00:07:26,551 ♪♪ 200 00:07:26,618 --> 00:07:28,185 I re-enroll. Bobby is back in. 201 00:07:28,252 --> 00:07:29,253 Go ahead. Goodness. 202 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,856 Well, I suppose maybe it happened during, um, 203 00:07:31,923 --> 00:07:33,057 a slumber party pillow fight? 204 00:07:33,124 --> 00:07:34,359 Yeah, it did. Yeah. 205 00:07:34,425 --> 00:07:36,026 And then my top accidentally came off, 206 00:07:36,093 --> 00:07:38,896 and I could hear the other girls' thoughts, 207 00:07:38,963 --> 00:07:40,731 and that is when I knew. 208 00:07:40,798 --> 00:07:42,767 Show it. Show it. Show it. Show it. Show it. 209 00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:45,836 Thank you, Jean. Let's take a looky-loo. 210 00:07:45,903 --> 00:07:48,373 This shrimp cocktail is delicious, 211 00:07:48,439 --> 00:07:51,609 but I wish I had a napkin. Oh, there's one. 212 00:07:51,676 --> 00:07:53,478 [Gasps] Oh, neat. 213 00:07:53,544 --> 00:07:55,646 I have special powers. 214 00:07:55,713 --> 00:07:59,284 Oh, no. I think the shrimp was -- 215 00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:00,618 Oh, gross! 216 00:08:00,685 --> 00:08:01,886 Turn it off! No, no. 217 00:08:01,952 --> 00:08:05,223 Youngster Jean waited patiently through your vision. 218 00:08:05,290 --> 00:08:08,792 [ All retching ] 219 00:08:08,859 --> 00:08:12,296 [ All retching ] 220 00:08:12,363 --> 00:08:14,132 ♪♪ 221 00:08:14,199 --> 00:08:17,001 Is this what you wanted, you pervs? 222 00:08:17,067 --> 00:08:18,169 ♪♪ 223 00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:19,803 Out of lasagna. 224 00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:22,473 Maybe that weirdo across the street has some. 225 00:08:22,540 --> 00:08:23,574 Another thrilling journey 226 00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:26,277 through Garfield's one dimension. 227 00:08:26,344 --> 00:08:28,880 [ Horn blares ] 228 00:08:28,946 --> 00:08:31,815 Fucking Mondays. 229 00:08:31,882 --> 00:08:33,484 Garfield, no! 230 00:08:33,551 --> 00:08:34,652 I'm nothing without you, 231 00:08:34,719 --> 00:08:36,654 no marketing value whatsoever. 232 00:08:36,721 --> 00:08:40,691 Don't you bury that cat in the Pet Sematary now. 233 00:08:40,758 --> 00:08:42,660 Sometimes, dead is better. 234 00:08:42,727 --> 00:08:44,128 How could dead be better? 235 00:08:44,194 --> 00:08:47,531 Not dead, Ded's. Ded's Pet Crematorium. 236 00:08:47,598 --> 00:08:49,400 [ Chuckles ] 237 00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:51,870 [ Horn blares ] 238 00:08:51,936 --> 00:08:53,204 Oh, no. Odie, move. 239 00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:55,940 ♪♪ 240 00:08:56,006 --> 00:08:57,308 Yeah, I'm sure this will be fine. 241 00:08:57,375 --> 00:08:59,010 This will not be fine. 242 00:08:59,076 --> 00:09:01,345 He who disturbs our sacred ground 243 00:09:01,412 --> 00:09:04,181 shall pay a terrible price. 244 00:09:04,248 --> 00:09:07,318 Didn't you hear me? Can anyone hear me? 245 00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:10,154 I once had sex with my horse. 246 00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:12,957 That felt good to get out. 247 00:09:13,024 --> 00:09:16,127 I love being old and alone. 248 00:09:16,194 --> 00:09:18,329 I don't have to wipe when I shit. 249 00:09:18,396 --> 00:09:21,533 Eh? 250 00:09:21,599 --> 00:09:22,734 [ Screams ] 251 00:09:22,801 --> 00:09:25,369 That's the most upsetting place to cut. 252 00:09:25,436 --> 00:09:26,538 ♪♪ 253 00:09:26,604 --> 00:09:27,705 [ Screams ] 254 00:09:27,771 --> 00:09:30,274 That's the most upsetting place to cut. 255 00:09:30,341 --> 00:09:31,375 [ Screams ] 256 00:09:31,442 --> 00:09:32,877 Stop trying to top yourself. 257 00:09:32,944 --> 00:09:34,979 Well, now I'm going to slice that little flap of skin 258 00:09:35,046 --> 00:09:36,514 between your penis and your balls. 259 00:09:36,580 --> 00:09:38,315 [ Retches ] 260 00:09:38,382 --> 00:09:39,684 [ Voice breaking ] With Garfield and Odie gone, 261 00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:41,753 it's just you and me, Nermal. 262 00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:44,789 [ Giggles ] I'm the world's cutest cat 263 00:09:44,856 --> 00:09:48,292 living with the world's saddest 37-year-old man. 264 00:09:48,359 --> 00:09:51,328 My life is crap. [ Giggles ] 265 00:09:51,395 --> 00:09:53,831 [ Sobbing ] I hate Mondays. 266 00:09:53,898 --> 00:09:55,166 ♪♪ 267 00:09:55,233 --> 00:09:57,835 Garfield, you look terrible. 268 00:09:57,902 --> 00:09:59,370 I look exactly the same. 269 00:09:59,437 --> 00:10:01,873 That's what I meant -- terrible. 270 00:10:01,940 --> 00:10:04,609 [ Screams ] 271 00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:06,911 So, no, your cat is not a zombie. 272 00:10:06,978 --> 00:10:09,113 All his fat must have cushioned the impact from the truck. 273 00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:11,115 You buried me alive, you fat-shaming, 274 00:10:11,182 --> 00:10:12,550 loveless piece of milk toast. 275 00:10:12,616 --> 00:10:13,718 But he killed our neighbor. 276 00:10:13,784 --> 00:10:15,953 Classic case... of the lasagna withdrawals. 277 00:10:16,020 --> 00:10:17,221 They cause short-term irritability. 278 00:10:17,288 --> 00:10:18,523 Short-term? 279 00:10:18,589 --> 00:10:21,158 Did it wear off before or after you killed Nermal? 280 00:10:21,225 --> 00:10:21,859 Before. 281 00:10:21,926 --> 00:10:24,361 That pussy was a twat. 282 00:10:24,428 --> 00:10:28,065 [ Both laugh ] 283 00:10:28,132 --> 00:10:29,901 My greatest novel yet. 284 00:10:29,968 --> 00:10:31,569 [ Snorts ] 285 00:10:31,635 --> 00:10:32,604 Argh! 286 00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:35,306 No van could kill me! Steve King! 287 00:10:35,373 --> 00:10:36,307 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 288 00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:37,542 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 289 00:10:37,608 --> 00:10:39,544 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 290 00:10:39,610 --> 00:10:40,712 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 291 00:10:40,778 --> 00:10:41,946 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 292 00:10:42,013 --> 00:10:43,881 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 293 00:10:43,948 --> 00:10:44,882 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 294 00:10:44,949 --> 00:10:46,117 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪ 295 00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:48,219 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 296 00:10:48,286 --> 00:10:50,421 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 19732

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