Original subtitles

♪♪

[ Thunder crashes ]

[ Cackles ]

[ Theme music plays ]

[ Whirring ]

♪♪

Man: It's alive!

♪♪

[ Thunder rumbles ]

♪♪

[ Fireworks exploding ]

[ Dog whimpering ] Ugh, dumb dog.

We go through this every 4th of July.

Well, you'd be scared, too, if you had supersensitive hearing.

♪♪

Superman, they're just fireworks.

Oh, great.

Now he's pissing all over the floor!

♪♪

There goes Sonic,

fastest hedgehog in the world!

What can't he outrun?

♪♪

Got to go fast, can't ask for help,

leave my depression behind!

♪♪

All right, sweetie, time to save Eternia again.

I wish He-Man would stop sending you away.

Leaving you is the hard price I pay

for being many faces, a master of the universe.

All right. Have a great day.

♪♪

Daddy is back!

[ Deep voice ] And I brought a surprise!

Say hello to Mr. Stripey!

[ Laughs ] I can't live this way!

I don't know where you go or what you do.

Sometimes I wonder if you'll even come home!

[ Cellphone rings ]

Damn it.

Ugh, I'm so sorry.

It's an emergency.

Are you fucking kidding me?

♪♪

You said you fixed this.

[ Robotic voice ] I did.

Go buy me a new machine

or I'm going to my mother's.

You're a machine.

Why don't you try doing the dishes?!

I've had enough of this BS.

[ Normal voice ] I'm not just a man of many faces.

I'm a man of many lies.

[ Sobbing ]

Oh, God. Another drink, pal?

Many! [ Sobs ]

[ Laughs ]

What's so funny?

Tic-tac-toes!

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, my God!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't!

No, no! Mommy, help me!

[ Screams ]

[ Laughs ]

Tic-tac-toes!

[ Electricity humming ]

"Transformers"!

♪♪

Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted ruby slippers.

I'm so happy!

Oh, happy, happy day!

Of course, a fucking house.

Fuck.

W-Where am I?

[ Whimsical music plays ]

You're in Oz, Dorothy.

Oh, my --

Hell of a twister.

Anyone see an Asian kid?

Why, you're in -- uh, one sec.

Why, you're in Oz!

Well, how do I get out of Oz?

Ah, just follow the Yellow Brick Road!

♪♪

He's off on a grand adventure!

I don't even know where this goes.

Why, this will go with my summer wear perfectly.

Thank you!

You're never home.

You talk to your trucks more than you do me.

You never even touch me anymore, Bob.

I just can't do this.

Wendy, can we fix it?

No...we...can't!

[ Sobs ]

The power of Christ compels you.

The power of Christ compels you!

[ Laughs ]

Father Merras, your mother is in here with me.

Would you like to leave a message?

Shut your mouth, lord of lies!

Your mother sucks cocks in hell!

Oh!

Hey, that sounds like me ma.

Ma, stop sucking cocks in hell! [ Laughs ]

Ma, stop it. She likes it.

Oh, that she does. That's for sure. Ma!

Ma, you're embarrassing me in hell, ma!

She sucks all the cocks.

Big, small, white, black...

Oh, well, that's not me ma.

A wild racist, that one was. Go on sucking, madame.

You're not me ma. Suck away.

Suck, suck, suck. You have awful breath.

[ Telephone rings ]

Oh, paper cut!

Now give me your purse! [ Laughs ]

Oh, just don't hurt me anymore.

Ahh.

Bruce, nipples are not appropriate workplace attire.

Oh, that's rich coming from you, Mr. I Walk Around

In My Underwear So Everyone Can See My Super Dong.

My dong is my dong! You added those nipples!

Well, bats have nipples.

So?

So I'm Batman, duh!

Case closed.

[ Screeches ]

[ Grunts ] Quit it!

Stop it! Ow! Ugh.

Superman! [ Sobs ]

Let me nurse you back to health.

No! No, no, no, no! Now don't --

Get off me!

Drink my bat milk, stupid!

Ah, no! Let me die!

Mmm.

Ah, there you go.

There you go, Kal-El.

There you go, buddy.

Mmm.

You made the Ant-Man suit 30 years ago, Dad.

Have you done anything else?

Yes.

Behold the future of science!

[ Upbeat jazz music plays ]

♪♪

Oh fuck!

What is this? Ants!

Pym particles could unlock quantum teleportation

or limitless energy

and you've been choreographing bug-based vaudeville?

[ Chirping ]

[ Funk music plays ]'

Whoa! Uh, not right now.

[ Rock music playing ]

My back! Oh, God!

Jamie, why?

Victim is Robert Baratheon,

died in apparent hunting accident.

Or did he?

We need to talk to those close to him.

Get me Eddard Stark.

[ Bird caws ] Stark is dead.

My, my, so the mystery deepens.

Was Robert close with his brother Renly?

Yes...

[ Bird caws ] ...but he's dead.

Huh. We should talk to Stark's family, then.

[ Bird caws ] Oh, that's nice.

They're celebrating a wedding.

[ Bird caws ] Ooh, they are not.

What about Robert's son Joffrey?

[ Bird caws ] Ah, very dead.

At least we have Tywin Lannister to see us through.

[ Bird caws ] Yeah, nope.

Wait! We are forgetting Robert's other brother Stannis!

[ Bird caws ] Well, very, very dead.

Maybe we should stop saying people's names.

Like Jon Snow.

[ Bird caws ] [ Gasps ] Ooh! Ah.

Well, this has been a strange day.

Let's go pray in the Great Sept of Baelor.

[ Birds cawing ] Oh!

What's in the box?

What's in the box?!

It's a birthday cake.

Huh? Huh?

All: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ And many more! ♪

[ Dance music playing ]

Islanders, soon, one couple will win 50,000 quid,

but it wouldn't be "Love Island" without a little drama.

Dun-dun da da!

What up, Euro slags!

[ Rock music playing ]

Yo fuck nuts!

It's Bitch Pudding, AKA Ms. Steal Your Man.

I'm here to get my uterus crumpet pumped.

I'm on TV to make that money.

So hide your geezers, you fake-tittied grandmoms,

because no bloke can resist the vise grip of my dong wallet.

Whoo, there's something about this new tart, mate.

Every bird in here fancies me,

but Bitch Pudding ticks all my boxes.

Yeah fuck that bitch.

Come here. Look at me. What's your type?

Oh, you know, rectangular,

made of paper, is green.

Wait, hold up. Is this country's money green

or would that clash with your piss-yellow teeth?

Narrator: Looks like Bitch Pudding is ruling the roost

and all the other birds want to give her a good pecking.

Speak American, nasally narrator bitch!

[ Gunshot ]

[ Screaming ]

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, go to prison, shank a ho.

Ugh, Jared, I guess.

Yeah.

One minute, ladies, before you choose.

Let's meet someone new.

[ Rock music playing ]

♪♪

Oi! My name is Richard Gravy.

Me mates call me Dick,

and the birds call me Spray Me with Your.

I've had 7,000 sexual partners.

Me body is 90% Jesus tattoos,

even though I once nicked a baby from Leeds,

and I'm here to find true love.

Yo, what's up, shit for tats?

Anyone every tell you

your mouth looks like a used glory hole?

[ Romantic music plays ]

Ooh, I choose the fit new geezer.

He's mine, Collagen Cooch!

Oh, you!

Oh, yeah! Here comes the lumpy gravy!

[ Grunts ] Just dump it in my cervix, bitch.

I had a hysterectomy.

Beep, beep! Nah, man.

I ain't in love.

It's called "Money Island," not "Love Island."

[ Romantic music plays ]

Don't you hold on me

so it looks like I'm second-guessing myself.

Bitch, did you see what I did to that narrator?

[ Gunshot ]

The winning couple is...

♪♪

...Bitch Pudding and Richard Gravy.

Da, da, da, daa! You've got to be fucking kidding.

And now a test of true love -- one of those envelopes is empty.

The other has the £50,000 prize.

Whoever has the money must choose to share it

or keep it all for yourself.

♪♪

[ Cash register dings ]

You know, DG, sharing is caring.

And caring is me not jamming something bigger

than your dickhole inside your dickhole.

Toodle-oo, slut! Thanks for the wet holes!

That's exactly what I would have done!

Ride through my tunnel, Gravy train!

Oh, yeah, you like that. Oi!

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.