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1
00:00:02,302 --> 00:00:04,304
♪♪
2
00:00:04,371 --> 00:00:05,204
[ Thunder crashes ]
3
00:00:05,271 --> 00:00:06,906
[ Cackles ]
4
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:11,677
[ Theme music plays ]
5
00:00:11,744 --> 00:00:13,679
[ Whirring ]
6
00:00:13,746 --> 00:00:17,717
♪♪
7
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,385
Man: It's alive!
8
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:26,452
♪♪
9
00:00:27,059 --> 00:00:28,394
[ Thunder rumbles ]
10
00:00:28,461 --> 00:00:35,461
♪♪
11
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:39,305
[ Farting ]
12
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,341
[ Splash ]
13
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:44,878
Uh-oh, where's my phone?
14
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,179
Oh!
15
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:47,446
No!
16
00:00:47,513 --> 00:00:50,483
♪ What's up, Blackness,
my old pal? ♪
17
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,819
Oh.
Oh, no!
18
00:00:53,886 --> 00:00:56,523
♪ They emerged from the trees
to save our planet ♪
19
00:00:56,589 --> 00:00:59,492
♪ Squatch Squad! ♪
20
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:02,262
♪ With feet like concrete
and fists like granite ♪
21
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:05,098
♪ Squatch Squad! ♪
22
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:07,933
♪ Cryptozoology in your face ♪
23
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,506
♪ Hairy heroes that hail from
inter-dimensional space ♪
24
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:13,773
♪ Bigfoot ♪
25
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,208
♪ Space Squatch ♪
26
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:16,576
♪ Skunk Ape Stomp ♪
27
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:19,846
♪ Squatch Squad! ♪
28
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,615
Skunk Ape,
Space Squatch, look!
29
00:01:23,682 --> 00:01:25,952
They're bulldozing sequoias
to make room
30
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,820
for a bulldozer factory!
31
00:01:27,887 --> 00:01:29,255
These guys stink!
32
00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:31,291
Time to zap
some dweebizoids!
33
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:34,727
We're gonna need backup
for this.
34
00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:36,595
Batsquatch!
35
00:01:36,662 --> 00:01:38,364
Sheepsquatch!
Baaa!
36
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:39,666
And Blurry Foot --
37
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,334
the bigfoot
of photographs.
38
00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:42,468
Ready!
39
00:01:42,535 --> 00:01:45,939
Squatches, stomp!
40
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,407
Oh!
Get it off!
41
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,041
Get it off!
No.
42
00:01:49,108 --> 00:01:51,612
Don't disturb the forest!
43
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:56,550
Oh!
Dying!
44
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,319
Dying...
45
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:02,323
♪ Squatch Squad! ♪
46
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:04,724
[ Indistinct conversations ]
47
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,560
[ Laughter ]
48
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:12,198
Indiana Jones, are you here
to take me on an adventure?
49
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,234
Yes, Marion,
an adventure.
50
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:15,568
Whoo-hoo!
51
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:22,635
♪♪
52
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:26,346
Is this where
the Ark of the Covenant is?
53
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,446
That's right, Marion.
54
00:02:27,513 --> 00:02:30,017
Don't look,
no matter what happens.
55
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:35,988
My sweet Westley, you've
returned to me and our love.
56
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:38,590
Through my years as
the Dread Pirate Roberts,
57
00:02:38,657 --> 00:02:40,526
all I could think
of was this moment.
58
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:42,496
You must have
suffered greatly.
59
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:43,996
Well...
60
00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:45,966
Take no prisoners!
61
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,633
Slaughter them all!
62
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:51,137
I'll take all the whores
in Freeport!
63
00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,373
Sire,
the finest iocane powder.
64
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,474
[ Snorts ]
65
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,974
Yeah, bitch!
66
00:02:56,041 --> 00:02:59,245
I'm the motherfucking
Dread Pirate Roberts!
67
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:00,446
Aagh!
68
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,015
No biggie.
It was mostly sailing, fishing.
69
00:03:03,082 --> 00:03:05,684
But you were the most
feared pirate on the open sea.
70
00:03:05,751 --> 00:03:08,922
Perhaps now is a good time
to mention I have syphilis.
71
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:11,624
[ Lasers firing ]
72
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:14,227
Hey, Three, do you think
masturbation is gay?
73
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:15,328
What?
74
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:16,295
Well, you're stroking
your penis,
75
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,565
but it's your penis,
so, no.
76
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:19,966
But, like, we're clones,
right?
77
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,701
Like, your penis
is my penis, eh?
78
00:03:22,768 --> 00:03:25,338
Are you wondering if it's gay
to have sex with your own clone?
79
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:28,107
'Cause if it's between
two consenting adults, it's --
80
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:29,776
who cares?
Cool.
81
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:32,145
So, uh, hey, you want to watch
"Xanadu" tonight?
82
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,046
I love "Xanadu"!
83
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,682
Oh!
Damn!
84
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,417
So close.
85
00:03:38,484 --> 00:03:39,918
Both: Hey, I've got a question
for ya.
86
00:03:39,985 --> 00:03:41,553
Yes!Yes!
87
00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:45,525
The Matrix is a simulation built
to change a human being's brain
88
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:49,062
into a computer
that generates this.
89
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,563
No!
Impossible!
90
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:51,898
Bitcoin isn't real.
91
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,300
What is real, Neo?
92
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,400
Is the dollar real?
93
00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,302
Is a mint condition
Black Lotus
94
00:03:56,369 --> 00:03:58,003
Magic: The Gathering card
real?
95
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:00,874
Yes, but why would
the machines want Bitcoin?
96
00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:03,043
Because it goes up
in value.
97
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:03,943
So?
98
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:05,744
So then you have
more Bitcoin.
99
00:04:05,811 --> 00:04:09,649
Is this why you freed me, to
save mankind from this bullshit?
100
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,016
No, Neo.
101
00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:16,824
You're here to lend me $5,000
so I can buy a Bitcoin.
102
00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,092
Happy birthday,
Eleroo!
103
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:20,960
Hello, advanced beings!
104
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:25,431
I am Dr. Seth Brundle,
half man, half fly.
105
00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:26,999
That makes you a Wuzzle,
too!
106
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:29,135
Join us for a party,
won't you?
107
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,839
I have recently discovered
a fascinating new way to eat!
108
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:33,873
Observe!
109
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:34,707
[ Vomits ]
110
00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,509
Aagh!
111
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:36,843
Oops.
Sorry.
112
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,010
Agh, my bumble paw!
113
00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:41,414
Bumblelion!
Well, waste not, want not.
114
00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,849
Hey, get off of him!
115
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:45,551
You--
Aagh!
116
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,487
It's too much hurting!
117
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:51,023
Is that half shotgun,
half another shotgun?
118
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:52,158
[ Gunshot ]
119
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:55,394
That's stupid.
It's just a whole shotgun.
120
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:58,866
♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
121
00:05:01,434 --> 00:05:02,903
Would you like some honey
with your tea?
122
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,137
Please.
123
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,105
[ Inhales sharply ]
124
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,106
Huh!
125
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:08,641
[ Inhales sharply ]
126
00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,310
Ah.
Thank you.
127
00:05:11,377 --> 00:05:13,046
And for you, Miss?
128
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,580
I'm good.
129
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:18,050
So in conclusion, if the
volcano's eruption will kill
130
00:05:18,117 --> 00:05:20,353
the dinosaurs,
we should let it.
131
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:21,721
Judge: Thank you.
132
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:24,023
The committee will now hear
from a dissenting expert.
133
00:05:24,090 --> 00:05:26,892
♪♪
134
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:27,860
[ Clears throat ]
135
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:30,597
[ Screeches ]
136
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:34,133
[ Clearing throat ]
137
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,768
Excuse me, kind sir,
138
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:39,872
but I believe that
this is my assigned seat.
139
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,575
The name
is Louis Goobberson III.
140
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:45,210
My pals call me
Gooey Louie.
141
00:05:45,277 --> 00:05:48,381
I -- I'm sorry, I'm a little bit
of a germophobe, so...
142
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:49,815
Totally understand.
143
00:05:49,882 --> 00:05:51,317
Hey, do you mind
if I partake
144
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:53,486
of some delectable
powdered doughnuts?
145
00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:55,588
They're extra powdery.
146
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:56,689
Achoo!
147
00:05:56,756 --> 00:05:58,891
Achoo!
148
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:00,893
You have to let me
change seats.
149
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,062
Excuse me, Miss,
while I have you,
150
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:07,334
do you perchance
have one single-ply napkin?
151
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,536
[ Blows nose ]
152
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,404
50 bucks for a DayQuil?
Ooh.
153
00:06:12,471 --> 00:06:15,441
I have always desired
to watch Pixar's "Up."
154
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:17,878
This should be
light fare indeed!
155
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,413
Oh fuck.
156
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,551
[ Sobbing, sniffling ]
157
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:30,290
Miscarriage and death --
what pain life holds.
158
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:32,425
What unique sorrow.
159
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:33,759
Such sorrow!
160
00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,461
Get a neti pot,
you selfish ass!
161
00:06:35,528 --> 00:06:36,596
Hey, slow down!
162
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:39,933
There's enough mucous
for everybody!
163
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,167
Aah!
164
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,336
You just murdered
a federal judge!
165
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,005
It's a mad house!
166
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,674
Everything is snot!
167
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,043
Oh!
168
00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:55,648
The Allies have taken Berlin!
And why?
169
00:06:55,715 --> 00:06:58,551
Because you all failed to do
what I asked of you!
170
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:01,587
Johann Schmidt, have you found
the Tesseract in Norway?
171
00:07:01,654 --> 00:07:06,459
Mein fuhrer, none of the
occult items you ask for exist.
172
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:08,894
A better use of my mein troops
would be --
173
00:07:08,961 --> 00:07:10,396
[ Gunshot ]
Enough! Frau Haupstein,
174
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,231
have you
opened the gates to hell?
175
00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:13,599
I was not able to summon
176
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:16,568
the demonic Hellboy
with the help of Rasputin.
177
00:07:16,635 --> 00:07:19,907
But I have been working
on a military strategy.
178
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:22,508
Unacceptable!
179
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:25,345
Herr Toht, have you recovered
the artifact from Egypt?
180
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,346
Um, uh, yes.
181
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,216
I have found the lost
Ark of the Covenant.
182
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,718
Wunderbar!
Where is it?
183
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,553
It is...
uh, here.
184
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:38,224
I have kept the 10 Commandments
in this briefcase.
185
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:41,360
Finally, the key
to winning the war!
186
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:44,797
[ Laughs ] Americanas, I bet you
did not expect --
187
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:49,436
keep mein eyes closed,
keep mein eyes closed -- this!
188
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,436
[ Laughs ]
189
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:54,340
The power of God
is mine to command.
190
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:57,443
Your faces melting,
I wish I could see!
191
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,646
And your face, too!
[ Laughs ]
192
00:07:59,713 --> 00:08:01,847
The ghosts are so scary.
193
00:08:01,914 --> 00:08:03,616
Let's see
where this goes.
194
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:05,819
♪ Melty, melty, melty! ♪
195
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,219
So cool.
196
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:10,423
Aliens sent you plans
for a spaceship in your dreams.
197
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,227
We could be explorers.
198
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:17,530
Holy crap, that's a --
a -- what do you call it?
199
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:19,598
An electromagnetic bubble
capable of moving
200
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,668
at near limitless
distances and speeds.
201
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,337
Yes! Wow!
202
00:08:26,939 --> 00:08:28,308
That is quite the racket.
203
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,642
Maybe we should check
on them.
204
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:32,478
No, let them
explore their bodies.
205
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:38,384
♪♪
206
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,788
[ Meowing ]
207
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,124
Oh.
No!
208
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,825
Oh, a Pez.
209
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,627
Thank you.
210
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,728
[ Chuckles ] Mmm.
211
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:51,598
Krypton is doomed,
my son.
212
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:55,236
But on Earth,
you shall be like a god.
213
00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:00,074
Oh, boy!
First day on the Earth job.
214
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,711
Fu...
215
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:06,579
...nny coincidence.
216
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,748
What to do, what to do.
217
00:09:08,815 --> 00:09:09,949
Oh, no!
Brainiac!
218
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:14,187
I was your only friend.
219
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:17,857
[ Sighs ]
What to do, what to do.
220
00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,893
The sun is almost up,
Elisa.
221
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,127
Leave me and go.
222
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,495
I'm not going anywhere.
223
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,965
When you turn to stone,
I'll watch over you.
224
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,801
You don't understand.
225
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,903
[ Groaning ]
226
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,572
Goliath?
227
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,242
And the romance is gone.
228
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,844
That's impressive,
though.
229
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:42,115
♪♪
230
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,951
Mr. Pol Pot,
gnarly soldier dude,
231
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,553
I am Bill S. Preston,
esquire.
232
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,789
And I am
Ted "Theodore" Logan.
233
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,424
And we are here to--
234
00:09:51,491 --> 00:09:56,129
[ Gunfire ]
235
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,229
Bill and Ted,
wait!
236
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,532
We've come to warn you,
do not ask Mr. Pot --
237
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,467
Oh, no.
We're too late.
238
00:10:01,534 --> 00:10:02,635
Oh, dude!
Déjà vu!
239
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:05,538
[ Gunfire ]
240
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,273
Mr. Pot, may I suggest
241
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,509
that your soldiers to not --
242
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,078
Non-heinous.
243
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,982
This is most uncool,
dude.
244
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:19,419
Stop!
245
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:20,820
Oh, no!
I'm shot.
246
00:10:20,887 --> 00:10:22,689
Except reveal!
247
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,956
Radical!
248
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:24,958
Bogus.
249
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,392
Dude!
250
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,794
Oh, no, bro!
251
00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:29,362
Damn, we totally mistimed
that one.
252
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,297
-Whoa!
-Bogus!
253
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,533
[ Imitating guitar riff ]
254
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:40,600
♪♪
255
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:48,941
♪♪
256
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:57,283
♪♪
257
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:02,163
Coming soon,
"Bill and Ted: Part 3."
258
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:05,399
Stoopid monkey.
16819
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