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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:03,936 [ Whirring ] 2 00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:06,005 [ Theme music plays ] 3 00:00:08,474 --> 00:00:10,410 [ Whirring ] 4 00:00:10,476 --> 00:00:17,250 ♪♪ 5 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:18,685 Man: It's alive! 6 00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:25,752 ♪♪ 7 00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:27,861 [ Thunder rumbles ] 8 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:36,937 ♪♪ 9 00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:40,774 [ Alarm blaring ] Oh, no. Time to Hulk-out. 10 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,643 [ Growling ] 11 00:00:45,611 --> 00:00:48,949 [ Deep voice ] Oh, no! Hulk leg still asleep. 12 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:49,983 Hulk coming! 13 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,018 W-Wait for Hulk! 14 00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,386 [ Grunting ] 15 00:00:53,786 --> 00:00:55,755 Mr. Scrooge, you've given the Cratchit family 16 00:00:55,821 --> 00:00:57,357 a merry Christmas, indeed. 17 00:00:57,424 --> 00:01:00,493 And I've saved the best gift for Tiny Tim. 18 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:01,827 Oh, gosh, what is it? 19 00:01:01,894 --> 00:01:05,331 Mother Fucking robot legs! 20 00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:08,067 [ Screaming, crashing ] 21 00:01:08,134 --> 00:01:11,270 Tiny Tim: God bless us, every one! 22 00:01:11,337 --> 00:01:13,507 Merry Christmas, Cock suckers! 23 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,407 ♪♪ 24 00:01:15,474 --> 00:01:18,344 Yo, man, $50 for the girl. [ Giggles ] Hey. 25 00:01:18,410 --> 00:01:19,679 She graduate high school? 26 00:01:19,745 --> 00:01:21,180 -Uh, no. -Hey, Fuck you. 27 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,449 High school graduates earn way more on average. 28 00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:25,350 Shit! You hear that, baby? 29 00:01:25,417 --> 00:01:28,187 I'll get you a GED, and we both be earning. 30 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:29,522 Ooh! Cool! 31 00:01:29,588 --> 00:01:30,923 You really want to increase her earning potential, 32 00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,291 get her a bachelor's degree. 33 00:01:32,357 --> 00:01:35,361 Shit! I'll get her a mother fucking doctorate! Huh? 34 00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:37,263 Thanks. Yay! [ Giggles ] 35 00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,332 Whoo! We gonna make some bank now. 36 00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:40,732 Aw, it's a shame that women only make 37 00:01:40,799 --> 00:01:43,569 70 cents on the dollar compared to men. Aw, hell, no! 38 00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:46,239 Nobody's rippin' off 30 cents on every dollar from me! 39 00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:47,640 Well, Congress doesn't exactly have 40 00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,441 a great equal-rights track record lately. 41 00:01:49,508 --> 00:01:51,410 Baby, you're runnin' for Congress! 42 00:01:51,477 --> 00:01:52,745 Aw! I don't wanna. 43 00:01:52,812 --> 00:01:54,314 If I say you runnin', you runnin' 44 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,882 and winning! -Ugh... 45 00:01:56,882 --> 00:01:59,486 And that's why we must pass legislation for equal pay. 46 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,453 Women would get paid more 47 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,624 if businesses didn't lose money from maternity leave. 48 00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:05,924 Oh, no, you didn't. 49 00:02:05,991 --> 00:02:08,194 Now, sir, stay in your -- Oh, my God! 50 00:02:08,261 --> 00:02:09,930 Nobody asked you about... 51 00:02:10,963 --> 00:02:13,665 Congresswoman, will you please direct your associate 52 00:02:13,732 --> 00:02:16,669 to stop pimp slapping the fine representative -- 53 00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:18,170 Oh, shit! [ Crash ] 54 00:02:18,237 --> 00:02:19,873 Pimp: Ain't nobody asked you about shit! [ Screaming ] 55 00:02:20,372 --> 00:02:22,842 Got a grande, non-fat, triple three-pump, white mocha 56 00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:25,545 with light ice for Voldem-m-- 57 00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:26,881 Uh... 58 00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,682 ♪♪ 59 00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:32,417 You know, the Confederate flag isn't a racist symbol. 60 00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:35,220 The Civil War was principally a battle over states' rights, 61 00:02:35,287 --> 00:02:37,457 not slavery. -I disagree with my cousin Bo, 62 00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:39,691 and I am embarrassed to be in this car right now. 63 00:02:39,758 --> 00:02:41,894 Ask my cousin Luke how many black friends he has. 64 00:02:41,961 --> 00:02:43,162 The answer is zero. 65 00:02:43,229 --> 00:02:44,898 Ask him how many black friends I have. 66 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,333 Spoiler alert -- one. Checkmate! 67 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,101 Guess who's not a racist -- muh! 68 00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:50,469 Please tell my cousin Bo 69 00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:53,505 that his dark-skinned friend, Chevy, is Guatemalan, not black. 70 00:02:53,572 --> 00:02:55,407 Uh, tell my cousin Luke that I'm thinking 71 00:02:55,474 --> 00:02:57,609 of a different friend named T-Tyrone 72 00:02:57,676 --> 00:02:59,778 who lives in Chickasaw County, and Luke -- 73 00:02:59,845 --> 00:03:02,748 Luke's never even met him. So, who's not a racist now? 74 00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:05,286 -That is such bullshit. -You're such bullshit! 75 00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:07,821 ♪♪ 76 00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:10,289 Oh, look what you've done! 77 00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:13,425 I'm melting! Melting! 78 00:03:13,492 --> 00:03:15,661 I regret so many things. 79 00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:17,629 Most of all, banging that guy in the pile 80 00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:21,066 of discarded lunch meat outside of Quiznos. 81 00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:23,870 Oh, screw all of you. I don't need your judgment. 82 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,238 I'm going! 83 00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:27,007 Going! 84 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:31,044 The guy was kind of attractive in an ugly sort of way -- 85 00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,144 like a pug. 86 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:33,612 Plus, I hadn't gotten any in a while. 87 00:03:33,679 --> 00:03:36,382 Why am I explaining myself to you idiots?! 88 00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:39,485 It was a mistake! I own that. 89 00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,154 He also gave me Hep C. 90 00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:45,958 Look, if you run into a very ugly man outside the Oz Quiznos, 91 00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:48,294 who is almost surely 18 by now, 92 00:03:48,361 --> 00:03:51,832 please tell him he has Hep C! 93 00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:55,601 Dad, can I have a rocket-powered skateboard? 94 00:03:55,668 --> 00:03:57,403 What happened to your allowance, Richie? 95 00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,405 Oh, I spent it on a gold-plated shark. [ Gasps ] 96 00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,373 Oh, that's the same look the shark gave me 97 00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,175 as it sank to the bottom of the bay. 98 00:04:03,242 --> 00:04:05,344 Gosh darn it! No more allowance 99 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,648 until you learn how the real world works! 100 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,450 Well, looks like we're in the same boat, brother... 101 00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:13,085 essentially. W-What's your story? 102 00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:15,188 Lost my job at the solar-energy plant. 103 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,389 Hmm. 104 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,791 I was the owner of this solar-energy plant. 105 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:20,426 My dream is dead. -What happened? 106 00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:23,297 The oil company lobbied Congress to shut us down. 107 00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:27,400 Um, Senator, why did you let Big Oil write legislation 108 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,002 that shut down the solar-energy plant? 109 00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,269 Well, it's a travesty, 110 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:32,704 but special-interest money owns half of Congress. 111 00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:35,542 But where does the special-interest money come from? 112 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:38,912 $856,743... 113 00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,882 $856,744... 114 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,282 Ah, Richie. 115 00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:45,451 Did you learn a lesson about the real world? 116 00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:47,453 Yeah, I learned that special-interest money 117 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:48,855 is destroying people's lives. 118 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,956 [ Nervous laughing ] Oh, yeah, hmm, hmm... 119 00:04:51,023 --> 00:04:52,624 Well, until the special interests are stopped, 120 00:04:52,691 --> 00:04:55,061 America will continue to spiral down the toilet. 121 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,763 Sorry, Dad. 122 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,230 Pull that trigger 123 00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:00,901 and you'll never get that rocket-powered skateboard. 124 00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:07,873 -Wheeeee! -Way to go, kid! 125 00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,844 Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. 126 00:05:12,144 --> 00:05:13,846 I think I got another concussion, 127 00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:16,715 but Coach says I'm fine. 128 00:05:16,782 --> 00:05:18,284 [ Groans ] -Buy me a yacht. 129 00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:21,621 Mama, why's that beautiful woman with a monster? 130 00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:22,688 Well, Chip... 131 00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:24,857 ♪ The story's old as dirt ♪ 132 00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:26,892 ♪ Scholars all agree 133 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,928 ♪ Moron athletes get 134 00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,297 ♪ The best pussy to pet 135 00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:33,499 ♪ Unequivocally 136 00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:35,101 Goddamn it, baby, I ain't gonna tell you again 137 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,869 not to talk when you talking to me, damn it! 138 00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:38,972 And what's going on over there, Mama? 139 00:05:39,039 --> 00:05:40,340 ♪♪ 140 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:42,508 ♪ Certain as a douche 141 00:05:42,575 --> 00:05:44,443 ♪ Having a goatee 142 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,745 ♪ Domestic violence fears 143 00:05:46,812 --> 00:05:48,815 ♪ Lead to black-eyed tears 144 00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:51,150 ♪ Brute and his cutie 145 00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:54,087 Wah -- And where's the public outcry? 146 00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,154 Well... 147 00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:57,190 ♪ Outrage can't score points ♪ 148 00:05:57,257 --> 00:05:59,158 ♪ Convicts can't play D ♪ 149 00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:01,160 ♪ Our memories are short ♪ 150 00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:03,496 ♪ Let's throw it out of court ♪ 151 00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:05,465 ♪ Justice takes a knee 152 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,233 Oh! -Hey, a free pot! 153 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,901 Go long! -[ Screaming ] 154 00:06:08,968 --> 00:06:12,271 Mom! [ Mimics crying ] Ohh, my mom... 155 00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:14,607 You're a monster! 156 00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:17,476 -That's you. -Sir, this is a restaurant! 157 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,179 Are you single? 158 00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:21,580 [ Cow bell ringing ] Oh, I say, what do you say 159 00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:25,351 you trade that cow for these magic beans? 160 00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,986 Oh, magic beans! Sold, dude. 161 00:06:28,053 --> 00:06:30,356 You mean to tell me you sold our only cow 162 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,025 for a handful of beans?! 163 00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,892 Oh, son. Fetch my whipping belt. 164 00:06:33,959 --> 00:06:36,128 Well, surprise -- I'm already wearing it. 165 00:06:36,195 --> 00:06:38,632 And whip! -Ah-ow! Ah-ha-ha! Ah! 166 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,132 Stupid beans. 167 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:42,069 I wish I'd never met you. 168 00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:45,438 [ Rumbling ] 169 00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,841 Wow. I wonder what's up there. 170 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,274 Eh. Who gives a shit. 171 00:06:49,341 --> 00:06:50,944 Hey, Monsanto, how much would you pay 172 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,379 for an 8-mile-tall beanstalk? 173 00:06:52,446 --> 00:06:56,749 ♪♪ 174 00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,884 Thanks for the beans, suckah! 175 00:06:58,951 --> 00:07:01,821 Whoo-hoo-hoo! [ Tires squealing ] 176 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,856 [ Coughing ] 177 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:07,027 That punk doesn't realize this cow is magic! 178 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,061 [ Cackling ] 179 00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:11,130 Sprout your magic cow wings 180 00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,266 and fly me to Bermuda! 181 00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:14,969 Yeah! 182 00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:20,674 Well, [sighs] looks like I've made a terrible mistake. 183 00:07:21,841 --> 00:07:26,078 I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle. 184 00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:28,581 And your watch. And your glasses. 185 00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:30,517 That belt -- Where did you acquire it? 186 00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:31,751 J-J-JCPenney. 187 00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:33,252 JCPenney. Thank you. 188 00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:35,121 And your sandwich. I need your sandwich. 189 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:38,391 I need your clothes, your boots, the JCPenney belt is a pass, 190 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,759 your motorcycle, your watch, 191 00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:41,629 your sunglasses, and your sandwich. 192 00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,168 You have a nice body. Do you workout? 193 00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,369 Pika...Ah... 194 00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,204 -Pikachu's down. -We're not finished yet. 195 00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:54,206 I've got one more trick up my sleeve. 196 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:55,708 Are you ignoring me on purpose?! 197 00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,109 Pikachu is bleeding out! 198 00:07:57,176 --> 00:07:59,145 Glinda, Good Witch of the North, 199 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,948 I choose you! -It's Glinda. 200 00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:04,384 All right, Glinda, munchkin mash! 201 00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,785 [ Giggles ] 202 00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:07,553 [ Munchkins exclaiming ] 203 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,355 Now, go for the Yellow Brick Road. 204 00:08:09,422 --> 00:08:11,824 [ Singsong voice ] Yellow-brick tornado! 205 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,893 Emerald wizard attack! 206 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,895 Uh, stop conjuring me. 207 00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:18,999 I'm a very good man, but a poor Pokémon. 208 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,466 ♪♪ 209 00:08:20,533 --> 00:08:21,500 [ Growls ] 210 00:08:21,567 --> 00:08:22,935 Finish him with the house of pain! 211 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,303 It's Glinda-Glinda. 212 00:08:24,370 --> 00:08:26,140 [ Air whistling ] 213 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,607 Oh, thank you, Ash. 214 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:30,810 Since Dorothy killed the Wicked Witch of the West, 215 00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:33,979 I've run out of bitches to scrap with. [ Giggles ] 216 00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,950 Wow. Do you have any other surprises in your balls? 217 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,350 [ Chuckles ] Wink. 218 00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:40,420 By the way, Pikachu is...dead. 219 00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:44,423 David, our dress code clearly calls for a three-piece suit. 220 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:46,960 Well, it's laundry day, so I tripled up on pants. 221 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,228 Hope that's cool. 222 00:08:48,994 --> 00:08:51,664 Man: Squirrels have multiple uses for acorns. 223 00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:54,835 It is both food source and suppository. 224 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,068 Go on, then. 225 00:08:56,135 --> 00:08:58,738 You said you'd do it for 100 squirrel dollars. 226 00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:01,242 Deal is a deal. 227 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,577 Lieutenant Dan! You got new legs! 228 00:09:04,644 --> 00:09:06,645 Tiny Tim: And so did I! 229 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,316 God bless us, every one! 230 00:09:09,815 --> 00:09:12,319 I love this new churro place, Sailor Scouts. 231 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,755 [ Roaring ] 232 00:09:15,822 --> 00:09:17,189 [ Screaming ] 233 00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,492 Serena, turn into Sailor Moon. Right! 234 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,394 And I'll turn into Sailor Mercury. 235 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:22,795 I'll become Sailor Mars. 236 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:25,732 -Sailor Jupiter. -Sailor Venus. 237 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:28,734 And I'll turn into Sailor Earth. 238 00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:30,636 [ Gasps ] There's no Sailor Earth. 239 00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,073 Watch and learn, babe. Earth prism power go. 240 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,809 [ Whimsical music plays ] 241 00:09:37,478 --> 00:09:38,678 [ Farts ] 242 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:41,447 ♪♪ 243 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,817 Wow. You look... out of breath. 244 00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,450 Just what are your powers? 245 00:09:45,517 --> 00:09:48,220 I possess the combined qualities of all Earth people. 246 00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,555 So, you know, whatever they do. 247 00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,624 Earth power -- racism! 248 00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:54,660 Nice poncho, ese. How many pesos did it cost, 249 00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:57,163 or did you steal it off a dead burro, you fuck? 250 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,431 [ All gasping ] 251 00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,700 You cannot say those things! 252 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,635 Oh, racism doesn't exist anymore? 253 00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,437 Tell it to the 7 billion Earthlings. 254 00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:05,905 [ Dramatic chord plays ] 255 00:10:05,972 --> 00:10:07,539 Cool your tits. I got this. 256 00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:10,276 Chemically-enhanced decision-making activate... 257 00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,811 But you're so out of shape. 258 00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,379 Yeah, well, technically I'm obese, 259 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:16,148 just like 30% of the Earth's population. 260 00:10:16,215 --> 00:10:19,051 Ow! Shit! Ow! Oh! 261 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:22,956 Law of unintended consequences, or whatever... 262 00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,023 Monster: Wah! 263 00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:25,791 -[ Gasps ] -Wow, he did it! 264 00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:28,494 Oh, but the food court will be uninhabitable for weeks! 265 00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,196 I don't know, it's like that Earth expression -- 266 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:31,431 "Only shit where you eat." 267 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,499 -That is not the expression. -Oh, yeah? 268 00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,734 Well, tell that to the Gulf 269 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,769 after the next preventable oil spill. 270 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:38,872 [ Whining ] Sailor Earth makes me feel guilty 271 00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:41,273 about being a human being. 272 00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:44,377 I beat up the owner, so...this stuff's mine. 273 00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,678 That's called geopolitics. 274 00:10:46,745 --> 00:10:48,848 Hey, can I get in on some of that churro action? 275 00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:49,882 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 276 00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:51,217 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 277 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,219 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 278 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,387 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 279 00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,721 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 280 00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,556 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 281 00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:58,557 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 282 00:10:58,624 --> 00:10:59,892 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 283 00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:01,895 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 284 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,098 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 20296

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