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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,406 --> 00:00:03,807 [ Whirring ] 2 00:00:03,874 --> 00:00:06,043 [ Theme music plays ] 3 00:00:08,546 --> 00:00:10,481 [ Whirring ] 4 00:00:10,548 --> 00:00:17,121 ♪♪ 5 00:00:17,187 --> 00:00:18,755 Man: It's alive! 6 00:00:18,822 --> 00:00:26,797 ♪♪ 7 00:00:26,864 --> 00:00:27,931 [ Thunder rumbles ] 8 00:00:27,998 --> 00:00:37,141 ♪♪ 9 00:00:37,207 --> 00:00:39,410 It's hard to find a great-tasting breakfast 10 00:00:39,477 --> 00:00:41,178 that won't raise my cholesterol. 11 00:00:41,244 --> 00:00:44,581 Did somebody ask for a tasty breakfast?! 12 00:00:44,648 --> 00:00:45,549 Wow! Ohh! 13 00:00:45,616 --> 00:00:47,984 Nothing beats the taste of oats and honey! 14 00:00:48,051 --> 00:00:49,120 It's gr-r-r-r-r-eat! 15 00:00:49,186 --> 00:00:50,053 What the fuck?! Aah! 16 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,123 No! No! Oh, my God, no! 17 00:00:52,189 --> 00:00:54,258 This can't be happening! 18 00:00:54,324 --> 00:00:56,693 It'll be okay, bee. You'll be okay. 19 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,895 Yeah, yeah. I'll be okay. 20 00:00:58,962 --> 00:01:00,064 I'll just... [ Groans ] 21 00:01:01,265 --> 00:01:03,633 [ Groans, screams ] [ Riiiiiiiiip! ] 22 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:04,969 Whoa! Ohh! Ohh! 23 00:01:05,036 --> 00:01:05,903 Oh, man! 24 00:01:05,969 --> 00:01:08,138 It's so cold. 25 00:01:08,205 --> 00:01:11,541 Oh, my heart -- I can feel it slowing down. 26 00:01:11,608 --> 00:01:14,945 Oh. Oh, it stopped. I'm -- I'm so scared. 27 00:01:15,012 --> 00:01:16,446 [ Both crying ] 28 00:01:16,513 --> 00:01:17,948 Honey Nut Cheerios has oats 29 00:01:18,015 --> 00:01:19,516 that'll help lower cholesterol -- 30 00:01:19,583 --> 00:01:21,618 part of this nutritious breakfast. 31 00:01:21,685 --> 00:01:23,453 ♪♪ 32 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:25,622 Mmm! Mmm! 33 00:01:25,689 --> 00:01:26,857 Ohh. Ohh. 34 00:01:26,923 --> 00:01:27,925 Sorry, babe. 35 00:01:27,991 --> 00:01:29,426 Damn. That is creepy. 36 00:01:29,493 --> 00:01:32,029 The way our neighbor's ex-wife spies on us every day? 37 00:01:32,096 --> 00:01:35,232 [ Gulping ] 38 00:01:35,299 --> 00:01:38,535 No. I mean, that -- that freakin' thing! 39 00:01:38,602 --> 00:01:40,004 [ British accent ] Don't mind me. 40 00:01:40,071 --> 00:01:41,038 [ Whistle toots ] Ah-la-la-la-la! 41 00:01:41,105 --> 00:01:42,673 Ha ha ha ha! 42 00:01:42,739 --> 00:01:45,776 Adam can't defeat Count Marzo, but He-Man can. 43 00:01:45,842 --> 00:01:50,380 And maybe He-Man can -- can do it himself this time? 44 00:01:50,447 --> 00:01:52,917 Oh, Cringer, always so afraid. 45 00:01:52,983 --> 00:01:56,020 By the power of Grayskull! 46 00:01:56,087 --> 00:01:57,988 I never consented to this. 47 00:01:58,055 --> 00:02:00,190 I'm literally pissing myself! 48 00:02:00,257 --> 00:02:01,992 Is this what you wanted? Is it?! 49 00:02:02,059 --> 00:02:04,328 I have the power! 50 00:02:04,394 --> 00:02:06,063 And I have no power! 51 00:02:06,130 --> 00:02:07,998 What kind of hero forces his best friend 52 00:02:08,065 --> 00:02:10,067 into violent adventures without permission?! 53 00:02:10,134 --> 00:02:11,569 [ Splurt! ] Oh, great. 54 00:02:11,636 --> 00:02:14,338 Now I'm shitting myself in addition to the piss. 55 00:02:14,404 --> 00:02:17,275 Ha ha! [ Crying ] No! 56 00:02:17,341 --> 00:02:21,379 [ Sobs ] Oh, don't point that sword at me! No! 57 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:24,114 [ Warble! Twinkle! Zap! ] 58 00:02:24,181 --> 00:02:25,182 Feeling better, Battle Cat? 59 00:02:25,249 --> 00:02:28,151 Yes, of course I do! I'm Battle Cat now! 60 00:02:28,218 --> 00:02:31,021 I'm standing in a pool of piss, shit, and vomit, 61 00:02:31,088 --> 00:02:32,956 but otherwise great. 62 00:02:33,023 --> 00:02:35,293 ♪ On the Magic School Bus 63 00:02:35,359 --> 00:02:38,061 [ Children cheering ] 64 00:02:38,128 --> 00:02:39,463 Today we're going to be learning 65 00:02:39,529 --> 00:02:42,933 about the geology of mountains! 66 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,636 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 67 00:02:45,703 --> 00:02:47,070 [ Children screaming ] 68 00:02:47,137 --> 00:02:48,939 Goin' down! 69 00:02:49,006 --> 00:02:50,073 Oh, my God! 70 00:02:50,140 --> 00:02:52,443 [ Screaming continues ] 71 00:02:52,509 --> 00:02:54,044 Aaaaaah! 72 00:02:54,111 --> 00:02:57,315 A mountain! Ohh! 73 00:02:57,381 --> 00:02:58,982 Stay calm, children. 74 00:02:59,049 --> 00:03:01,953 This...is... a learning experience. 75 00:03:02,019 --> 00:03:05,122 I knew I should have stayed home today and cut myself. 76 00:03:05,188 --> 00:03:06,657 We're stuck in the mountains! 77 00:03:06,724 --> 00:03:08,459 What are we gonna do, you dried-up hippie?! 78 00:03:08,526 --> 00:03:11,062 There's only one thing we can do -- 79 00:03:11,128 --> 00:03:11,896 cannibalism! 80 00:03:11,962 --> 00:03:13,497 There's only one thing we can do -- 81 00:03:13,564 --> 00:03:16,400 Whoever picks the shortest straw will get eaten. 82 00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:19,436 Eat this, you psycho! Don't be silly, Ralphie. 83 00:03:19,503 --> 00:03:21,772 Your penis wouldn't feed a fly. 84 00:03:21,839 --> 00:03:25,977 In fact, the buttocks are the most nutritious. 85 00:03:26,043 --> 00:03:28,446 Thanks for the tip. 86 00:03:31,349 --> 00:03:33,017 [ All munching ] 87 00:03:33,083 --> 00:03:35,486 Miss Frizzle takes just like chicken! 88 00:03:35,553 --> 00:03:39,223 I just remembered -- we all brought food! 89 00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:43,160 Ew! Bologna?! 90 00:03:43,227 --> 00:03:46,397 Now, that's what I call eating ass. 91 00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:49,033 And that sucker was flying all over the place. 92 00:03:49,099 --> 00:03:50,467 Now, stop me if you've heard this. 93 00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:51,635 I will, 'cause I've heard 94 00:03:51,702 --> 00:03:53,670 every one of your quidditch stories, Harry. 95 00:03:53,737 --> 00:03:55,907 It was zigging around. Oh, those things can move, man! 96 00:03:55,973 --> 00:03:58,275 And I was the best seeker ever to play the game. 97 00:03:58,342 --> 00:04:00,878 Bartender, Accio another round! 98 00:04:00,945 --> 00:04:02,079 [ Whoosh! Splash! ] 99 00:04:02,146 --> 00:04:04,849 Jesus! That's enough butterbeer for one night, all right? 100 00:04:04,916 --> 00:04:07,585 Oh, my God, Ginny. I didn't realize you were here. 101 00:04:07,651 --> 00:04:10,821 Didn't realize I was having a beer with my wife, Ginny. 102 00:04:10,888 --> 00:04:12,089 Come on, Harry. 103 00:04:12,156 --> 00:04:15,159 I love your new snakeskin jacket, Ginny. 104 00:04:15,226 --> 00:04:17,127 Agh! Hogwarts! 105 00:04:17,194 --> 00:04:18,696 Best years of my life, man. 106 00:04:18,762 --> 00:04:20,831 Now my freakin' kid's there, having all the fun, 107 00:04:20,898 --> 00:04:22,667 while I get stuck with the tuition bill. 108 00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:24,168 Do you know what, mate? I'm done. 109 00:04:24,235 --> 00:04:25,503 This conversation died 110 00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,705 at exactly 19 minutes past 9:00 tonight. 111 00:04:27,771 --> 00:04:29,139 Oh, you don't like talking to me? 112 00:04:29,206 --> 00:04:30,741 Well, good luck finding another wizard 113 00:04:30,808 --> 00:04:33,443 who can speak parseltongue. [ Hissing ] 114 00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:36,914 I can talk to other snakes, you fucking narcissist. 115 00:04:36,981 --> 00:04:38,248 Me, too! 116 00:04:38,315 --> 00:04:39,617 I'm gonna go find the other snakes 117 00:04:39,683 --> 00:04:41,451 and tell them what a butthole you are. 118 00:04:41,518 --> 00:04:43,120 All the snakes gonna know 119 00:04:43,187 --> 00:04:44,421 you're the biggest butthole of all! 120 00:04:44,488 --> 00:04:46,323 Dude, you are in no condition to fly. 121 00:04:46,390 --> 00:04:49,059 Oh, is that you, Mum? Oh, no, it can't be my mum. 122 00:04:49,126 --> 00:04:50,961 My mum is dead! 123 00:04:51,028 --> 00:04:52,630 Heigh-ho, Firebolt! 124 00:04:52,696 --> 00:04:55,165 [ Crashing, thudding ] Aaaah! Ugh! Ugh! Aaah! 125 00:04:55,232 --> 00:04:57,735 Man: Iceberg, dead ahead! 126 00:04:57,802 --> 00:04:59,236 ♪♪ 127 00:04:59,303 --> 00:05:00,238 Hard astern! 128 00:05:00,304 --> 00:05:01,305 This is the end, lads. 129 00:05:01,371 --> 00:05:02,840 Save the women and children. 130 00:05:02,907 --> 00:05:04,608 Belay that order, captain. 131 00:05:04,675 --> 00:05:05,876 Who dares?! 132 00:05:05,943 --> 00:05:09,447 There's only one order that matters here -- ride or die! 133 00:05:10,214 --> 00:05:15,386 ♪♪ 134 00:05:15,453 --> 00:05:17,121 Jesus fucking Christ! 135 00:05:17,187 --> 00:05:19,056 [ Squeak! Pop! Pop! ] 136 00:05:19,123 --> 00:05:21,792 Oh, it's all about family. 137 00:05:21,859 --> 00:05:24,228 ♪♪ 138 00:05:24,294 --> 00:05:26,997 Mr. Toretto, you've saved the Titanic. 139 00:05:27,064 --> 00:05:28,198 My work here is done. 140 00:05:33,538 --> 00:05:35,339 Uh, no, thank you. 141 00:05:35,406 --> 00:05:36,540 Oh, being naughty is the best! [ Laughs ] 142 00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:40,111 We are the bad kids! 143 00:05:40,177 --> 00:05:41,812 ♪♪ 144 00:05:41,879 --> 00:05:43,214 Ew! Are you in costume, 145 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:44,515 or do you really look like that? 146 00:05:44,582 --> 00:05:45,883 I have been sent to help 147 00:05:45,950 --> 00:05:48,886 especially rude and naughty children. 148 00:05:48,953 --> 00:05:53,157 I am Nanny McPhee. Now get down from there. 149 00:05:53,223 --> 00:05:55,058 [ Twinkle! Pop! ] 150 00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:56,860 Nanny McPhee, your wart! 151 00:05:56,927 --> 00:06:00,765 The more you behave, the prettier I become. 152 00:06:00,831 --> 00:06:03,101 Is that right? 153 00:06:04,202 --> 00:06:06,904 ♪ Penis, vagina, penis, vagina ♪ 154 00:06:06,970 --> 00:06:10,207 ♪ Penis, vagina, penis in your vagina ♪ 155 00:06:10,274 --> 00:06:12,443 ♪ Penis, vagina, penis, vagina ♪ 156 00:06:12,510 --> 00:06:14,145 ♪ Penis 157 00:06:14,212 --> 00:06:15,780 Ooh. Perhaps we took it too far. 158 00:06:15,846 --> 00:06:19,116 No, ugly people are worthless. She said it herself. 159 00:06:19,183 --> 00:06:22,553 That would be a terrible message, say, in a movie. 160 00:06:24,022 --> 00:06:26,290 Doc, it hurts when I bend my arm like this. 161 00:06:26,357 --> 00:06:28,192 Then don't bend your arm like that. 162 00:06:28,259 --> 00:06:30,361 Oh, excellent diagnosis! Ha ha ha ha! 163 00:06:30,428 --> 00:06:33,130 ♪♪ 164 00:06:33,197 --> 00:06:36,133 Mr. President, they've reached the bin Laden compound. 165 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,335 Send in SEAL Team 5. 166 00:06:38,402 --> 00:06:39,336 ♪♪ 167 00:06:39,403 --> 00:06:40,404 Oh, oh! Aah! 168 00:06:40,471 --> 00:06:41,706 ♪♪ 169 00:06:41,772 --> 00:06:44,008 Ohh! Hah!Ohh! Hah! 170 00:06:44,075 --> 00:06:45,476 What is happening? 171 00:06:45,543 --> 00:06:46,811 Ohh! Hah!Ohh! Hah! 172 00:06:46,877 --> 00:06:49,047 Ho! Ahhhh.Ho! Ahhhh. 173 00:06:52,516 --> 00:06:55,787 Okay. I have no idea what's going on right now. 174 00:06:55,853 --> 00:06:57,421 Hoo! Cha! Hoo! Cha! Hoo! Cha! Hoo! Cha! 175 00:06:57,488 --> 00:06:58,823 Someone remind me what they're doing. 176 00:06:58,889 --> 00:07:00,458 It's an act of faith made physical 177 00:07:00,524 --> 00:07:01,692 through the beauty of dance. 178 00:07:01,759 --> 00:07:04,028 Okay, fuck it. Initiate plan "B." 179 00:07:04,095 --> 00:07:06,230 [ Zoom! ] 180 00:07:06,297 --> 00:07:07,898 I'm ready to make a comeback. 181 00:07:07,965 --> 00:07:10,067 Great, Jem! Great! Very exciting. 182 00:07:10,134 --> 00:07:12,537 And how many Instagram followers do you have? 183 00:07:12,604 --> 00:07:13,704 What's Instagram? 184 00:07:13,771 --> 00:07:15,806 Okay, get the hell out of my office. 185 00:07:15,873 --> 00:07:18,476 There are children here somewhere. 186 00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:20,244 I can smell them. 187 00:07:20,311 --> 00:07:22,246 Come out, my kiddie-winkies. 188 00:07:22,313 --> 00:07:25,082 Come out, come out for candy! 189 00:07:25,149 --> 00:07:27,752 Hello! Little children! 190 00:07:27,819 --> 00:07:30,621 Is there a child in here somewhere? Hmm? 191 00:07:30,688 --> 00:07:32,423 Hello. I'm Chris Hansen. 192 00:07:32,489 --> 00:07:34,359 God damn it! Ugh! 193 00:07:34,425 --> 00:07:38,028 Okay, I've seen the show. I'll take a seat. 194 00:07:38,095 --> 00:07:41,599 It says here your given legal name is Child Catcher. 195 00:07:41,666 --> 00:07:44,369 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't have sex with children. 196 00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:46,704 I want to make that absolutely clear! 197 00:07:46,771 --> 00:07:50,341 I use them as slave labor in underground mines. 198 00:07:50,407 --> 00:07:52,543 That's no so bad, is it? 199 00:07:52,610 --> 00:07:55,313 Okay. You're free to go. 200 00:07:55,379 --> 00:07:56,447 Oh-ho-ho-ho! 201 00:07:56,513 --> 00:07:58,349 I know what this means. 202 00:07:58,415 --> 00:07:59,984 [ Laughs ] Oh, yes! 203 00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:01,953 Indeed, as soon as you exit the front door, 204 00:08:02,019 --> 00:08:03,521 you will be tackled and arrested. 205 00:08:03,588 --> 00:08:06,124 Oh, brother, what a show! 206 00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:08,259 [ Laughing ] 207 00:08:08,326 --> 00:08:10,261 [ Laughing ] Yeah! Yeah! 208 00:08:10,328 --> 00:08:11,863 [ Bones crack ] Ohh! Ohh! Ugh! 209 00:08:11,929 --> 00:08:13,697 Ohh! Oww! 210 00:08:13,764 --> 00:08:16,534 [ Wham! ] Ugh! [ Whimpers ] 211 00:08:16,601 --> 00:08:17,869 We've searched far and wide 212 00:08:17,935 --> 00:08:20,738 to find the most eligible bachelor on earth. 213 00:08:20,805 --> 00:08:25,176 This season, 25 women will compete to win the hand of... 214 00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:26,444 James Bond. 215 00:08:26,511 --> 00:08:27,511 James Bond. 216 00:08:27,578 --> 00:08:31,182 To me, a beautiful woman is like a beautiful flower. 217 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:34,585 I can't wait to fertilize it. 218 00:08:34,652 --> 00:08:36,587 He seems a little retro to me. 219 00:08:36,654 --> 00:08:38,089 I bet he smells like my dad. 220 00:08:38,155 --> 00:08:39,123 But that's cool. 221 00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:41,425 Guys who smell like my dad and take my car away 222 00:08:41,492 --> 00:08:43,794 and fuck my mom are my weakness. 223 00:08:43,861 --> 00:08:44,929 Romaine: Yeah, a spray-tan date 224 00:08:44,995 --> 00:08:46,330 just sounded like the perfect way 225 00:08:46,397 --> 00:08:47,866 for James and I to bond. 226 00:08:47,932 --> 00:08:48,699 [ Laughs ] 227 00:08:48,766 --> 00:08:50,834 I just made that up. I did, really. 228 00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:53,204 [ Laughs ] Turn to camera and smile. 229 00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:56,074 I prefer to get my tans the old-fashioned way -- 230 00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:58,676 from the glowing cancer ball in the sky. 231 00:08:58,743 --> 00:09:02,113 But I must say, this shade looks fantastic on me. 232 00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:03,481 Romaine, come see! 233 00:09:03,547 --> 00:09:06,083 So sorry, Mr. Bond, but there was an accident, 234 00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:07,485 and Romaine's spray-tan 235 00:09:07,551 --> 00:09:08,753 went on a little too thick. 236 00:09:08,820 --> 00:09:11,455 Oh, that's so tragic... 237 00:09:11,522 --> 00:09:13,124 yet sexy. 238 00:09:13,191 --> 00:09:15,593 At the moment of death, her bowels released. 239 00:09:15,659 --> 00:09:18,530 Like I said, sexy. 240 00:09:18,596 --> 00:09:19,797 ♪♪ 241 00:09:19,864 --> 00:09:21,633 You're eating a bowl of red meat, 242 00:09:21,699 --> 00:09:24,001 and your chopsticks are lit cigars! 243 00:09:24,068 --> 00:09:24,969 It's an art. 244 00:09:25,036 --> 00:09:27,805 Ow! Shit! Burned my fucking face! 245 00:09:27,872 --> 00:09:29,674 I'm not crazy about the way you eat. 246 00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:32,209 Oh, well, I'm not crazy about the name Sienna Johnson. 247 00:09:32,276 --> 00:09:35,212 My girls usually have more playful names. 248 00:09:35,279 --> 00:09:37,381 How'd you feel if I called you 249 00:09:37,448 --> 00:09:38,950 "Sienna Thingyoulike"? Please don't. 250 00:09:39,017 --> 00:09:42,186 How about "Wanda Handjob"? No, thank you. 251 00:09:42,253 --> 00:09:44,455 Platter O'Labia. 252 00:09:44,522 --> 00:09:47,592 Yeah! Point break, bitches! 253 00:09:47,658 --> 00:09:49,727 James and the contestants went on many dates 254 00:09:49,793 --> 00:09:51,563 and attended the boom guy's funeral. 255 00:09:51,629 --> 00:09:54,231 Now it's time for the rose ceremony. 256 00:09:54,298 --> 00:09:57,635 Chris, beautiful women are like snowflakes -- 257 00:09:57,701 --> 00:09:59,971 completely interchangeable. 258 00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:03,808 So I guess I'll give this rose to the babe with the hoots -- 259 00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:06,143 Bendover Von Assex. 260 00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:07,078 Yeah, it's Amy, 261 00:10:07,145 --> 00:10:08,546 and you already gave me a gift, James -- 262 00:10:08,612 --> 00:10:09,814 chlamydia. 263 00:10:09,881 --> 00:10:13,017 You gave her chlamydia? You gave me chlamydia! 264 00:10:13,084 --> 00:10:14,051 I got chlamydia! 265 00:10:14,118 --> 00:10:17,822 You gave her chlamydia? You gave me chlamydia! 266 00:10:17,889 --> 00:10:19,256 [ Crickets chirping ] 267 00:10:19,323 --> 00:10:21,458 It burns really bad, huh? 268 00:10:21,525 --> 00:10:22,494 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 269 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:23,828 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 270 00:10:23,895 --> 00:10:25,830 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 271 00:10:25,897 --> 00:10:27,198 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 272 00:10:27,265 --> 00:10:28,533 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 273 00:10:28,599 --> 00:10:30,367 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪ 274 00:10:30,434 --> 00:10:31,368 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 275 00:10:31,435 --> 00:10:32,336 ♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk 276 00:10:34,572 --> 00:10:36,875 Ba-gawk! Bawk. 19081

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