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1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:05,572
[ Whirring ]
2
00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:07,908
[ Whirring ]
3
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:09,844
[ Beeping ]
4
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,249
[ Theme music plays ]
5
00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:18,418
[ Thunder rumbling ]
6
00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:21,655
[ Whirring ]
7
00:00:21,722 --> 00:00:24,290
♪♪
8
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:30,897
Man: It's alive!
9
00:00:30,963 --> 00:00:34,134
♪♪
10
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:40,073
[ Thunder rumbles ]
11
00:00:40,139 --> 00:00:44,411
♪♪
12
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:50,616
[ All squeaking ]
13
00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,785
Okay, quickly now!
No hesitations!
14
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:56,422
One, two, three!
15
00:00:56,489 --> 00:00:59,125
No!
16
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:01,260
The senseless
slaughter must end.
17
00:01:01,326 --> 00:01:04,263
Each day, we put the lives
of our children at risk.
18
00:01:04,330 --> 00:01:06,865
Each day, we lose
more and more --
19
00:01:06,932 --> 00:01:09,268
We could just take
the long way around.
20
00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,204
Spencer, would you
shut the fuck up?
21
00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:12,871
Yeah, shut up,
Spencer!
22
00:01:12,938 --> 00:01:15,141
Now, today,
we take back our lives!
23
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:18,745
Hold! Hold!
24
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,913
Now!
25
00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:24,650
For our fallen comrades
and our children!
26
00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:27,320
It does not move
another inch!
27
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:29,088
Do not let go!
28
00:01:29,155 --> 00:01:30,790
Oh, come on,
why won't this open?!
29
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:34,860
[ Screaming ]
30
00:01:34,927 --> 00:01:37,096
Welcome to
the Johto Gym, Ash.
31
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,265
Let's see if you got
what it takes.
32
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:42,068
Pikachu, I choose you!
33
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,636
Pika, pika!
34
00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:48,740
Henry Kissinger,
I choose you!
35
00:01:48,807 --> 00:01:50,877
We should take advantage
of the Sino-Soviet split
36
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,378
and open relations with China.
37
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,580
That's...
Uh, wai-- what?
38
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:57,484
Uh, uh, Pikachu,
thunderbolt attack!
39
00:01:57,551 --> 00:02:00,453
Pika-chu!
40
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,554
Oh!
41
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:04,623
Henry Kissinger,
war crime attack!
42
00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:08,028
We should bomb Cambodia and Laos
without telling Congress!
43
00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:11,732
-Pika! Pika!
-[ Screams ]
44
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:12,732
Ha-ha!
45
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,768
W-what just happened?
46
00:02:15,835 --> 00:02:18,239
Did I just learn something?
47
00:02:19,606 --> 00:02:22,442
Hey, I'm here
for the sex party.
48
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:23,643
Um...
49
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,145
I've got an everlasting
gobstopper for you.
50
00:02:26,212 --> 00:02:28,881
It changes color --
mostly between red and purple.
51
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:29,649
Uh, no, thanks.
52
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:30,583
Well, maybe this
53
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,852
will change your mind.
54
00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:34,154
Oh, now we're talking.
55
00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:36,423
[ Moaning passionately ]
56
00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:41,762
Oh! Snozzberriiiiiiiiies!
57
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:44,029
[ Grunting ]
58
00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:48,502
I want people to stop
asking me if I skip leg day!
59
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,671
[ Grunting ]
60
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,073
I love being a spy!
61
00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:57,409
Harriet, you promised
you'd stop spying on people!
62
00:02:57,476 --> 00:02:59,745
Oh, Sport,
you're my best friend,
63
00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:01,380
but you're such
a chapped butthole.
64
00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:03,784
Spying is fun as hell!
65
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,686
♪♪
66
00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:11,157
[ Yawning ]
Spying is hard as hell.
67
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:14,660
Oh, nobody planning
another 9/11, Welsch?
68
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:16,162
Bummer for you. Come on.
69
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,030
Let me show you
something fun.
70
00:03:18,097 --> 00:03:19,799
Give me a name --
any name.
71
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,301
My best friend, Sport, from
grade school -- Simon Rock.
72
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,605
Another day,
another sob and dump.
73
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:29,342
[ Sobbing ]
74
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:31,043
Oh, poor Sport.
75
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,946
Why would he post this
online?
76
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,346
Post it?
Nope.
77
00:03:34,413 --> 00:03:37,250
I tapped into
his laptop camera.
78
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:38,318
Is this legal?
79
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,753
Aww, you're so cute.
80
00:03:40,820 --> 00:03:43,089
I've got to get proof
that the U.S. government
81
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,357
is illegally spying
on its own people.
82
00:03:45,424 --> 00:03:47,960
And, if I have time,
the proof that Taylor Swift
83
00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:49,896
swallowed a live,
human baby.
84
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,932
♪♪
85
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,400
Now for the moment
of truth.
86
00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:57,903
Evening, Harriet. Not trying to
smuggle out any data, are you?
87
00:03:57,970 --> 00:04:01,407
[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckles ]
Noper, doper.
88
00:04:01,474 --> 00:04:03,176
Hey, ever played
with one of these?
89
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,911
[ Chuckles ] Yeah!
I had one as a kid.
90
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,347
It drove me fucking insane!
91
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,614
♪♪
92
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:10,650
What the hell?!
Secrets!
93
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,451
[ Whistle blows ]
94
00:04:12,518 --> 00:04:14,687
Hey, you ever played
"Minions Monopoly"?
95
00:04:14,754 --> 00:04:16,389
"Monopoly" with Minions?
96
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,691
Yes, please!
97
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,125
♪♪
98
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:21,694
Harriet Welsch, thank you
for joining us today,
99
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,565
live from your exile in Moscow.
How are things there?
100
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,833
Well, I have been
a little...
101
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:30,302
"snowed in."
[ Snowden ]
102
00:04:30,369 --> 00:04:32,071
That was weird.
Now, you've committed
103
00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:34,507
the largest data theft
in U.S. history.
104
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:35,875
Was it all worth it?
105
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,344
I believe all citizens
have a right to privacy.
106
00:04:38,411 --> 00:04:41,080
Well, what about charges that
WikiLeaks is a Russian front,
107
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:43,048
led by an alleged
sex criminal?
108
00:04:43,115 --> 00:04:46,619
Hey. Just because the Russkis
gave me this baller apartment,
109
00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:47,987
doesn't mean I was tricked in
to undermining
110
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,623
American democracy or anything.
111
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,124
[ Chuckles ]
112
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,492
That's crazy.
113
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:55,662
[ Speaking Russian ]
114
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:58,064
Thank you,
Harriet the Spy.
115
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,399
[ Applause ]
116
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,600
[ Sighs ]
117
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:04,370
Well, it's time for
my daily "sob and dump".
118
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:05,172
[ Door closes ]
119
00:05:05,239 --> 00:05:08,040
[ Sobbing ]
120
00:05:08,107 --> 00:05:11,277
Uh, Harriet,
your webcam is still --
121
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,981
The webcam is still --
Harriet?
122
00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:17,183
Hey, happy Monday, right?
[ Chuckles ]
123
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:18,318
How was your weekend?
124
00:05:18,385 --> 00:05:20,386
Ugh, I'm calling H.R.
125
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:23,991
Okay, up next,
we have Stacy.
126
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,426
What are you going
to do for us today?
127
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:30,598
Well, I'm a sky dancer,
so I'll be sky dancing.
128
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:36,736
Oh, my God!
I don't want to die!
129
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,105
Aah!
130
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,772
I mean, talk about
"jungle fever".
131
00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:44,210
Every time I jerk off,
it's an interracial love scene.
132
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:45,178
Oh!
133
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:46,347
[ Audience groans ]
134
00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:48,815
What'll it be?
135
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,716
Brains!
136
00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:53,020
I'm sorry,
we're out of brains.
137
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:58,459
[ Sadly ]
Mac and cheese.
138
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:02,595
Atreyu, down there is the first
gate you must pass through.
139
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:04,897
Most people
do not make it.
140
00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:07,433
Because they don't feel
their own self-worth?
141
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,702
No. Because
they can't stop staring
142
00:06:09,769 --> 00:06:13,506
at the sphinxes
awesome boobies!
143
00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:15,307
I don't understand.
144
00:06:15,374 --> 00:06:17,843
Can't they just take a quick
look and then keep walking?
145
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:20,647
Are you even seeing
how perfect they are?
146
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,981
Round and smooth,
147
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,516
huge, yet,
impossibly firm.
148
00:06:24,583 --> 00:06:26,552
It's my turn now.
Let me see!
149
00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:29,455
But I'm still looking.
Why is this telescope sticky?
150
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,925
It's from
t-t-the price tag!
151
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,526
Now get going!
152
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:35,361
And don't die
until I finish.
153
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,663
Uh, finish what?
154
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,566
Just go, damn it!
155
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,902
Aah!
156
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:45,371
I'm coming to see you, Margaret!
157
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,808
What? Oh, hell.
158
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:51,344
[ Laughs ]
That tickles!
159
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,779
[ Laughs ]
160
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,914
Now lick my nipples!
161
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:56,016
-What?
-What?
162
00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:00,186
[ Gasps ]
163
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,887
[ Strained ] Only you...
164
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:04,791
can prevent climate change!
165
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:05,960
Guh.
166
00:07:06,392 --> 00:07:07,426
[ Moaning ]
167
00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,995
Oh, we're Trolls. Mmm.
Our hair's intertwined.
168
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:11,464
[ Moaning ]
169
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:13,133
Hey, can I ask you
to do something?
170
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,301
Oh, of course.
171
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,137
Put it in me.
172
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,539
[ Groaning ]
173
00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:20,206
[ Ting! ]
174
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,074
[ Groans ]
175
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,810
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no
176
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:25,611
Boys, have I got
news for --
177
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,413
Alvin!
Put some clothes on!
178
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,715
Technically, Dave,
fur is our clothes.
179
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:32,152
And it's not a shirt.
It's a fucking nightgown!
180
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,719
Oh, shut up, boys!
181
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,388
I just booked you
for this year's Coachella.
182
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,089
[ All cheering ]
183
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,690
Are we on the main stage?
184
00:07:37,757 --> 00:07:38,358
Uh, no.
185
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,493
Ooh, the Gobi Tent?
186
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:41,694
-Eh, no.
-Mojave Tent?
187
00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:42,695
No, boys.
188
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:44,397
The "butthole packed
with sand" tent?
189
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,699
Alvin!
That's not a real tent!
190
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:46,733
[ Laughter ]
191
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,035
♪♪
192
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,771
[ Insects buzzing,
bird cries ]
193
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:53,406
Guess the joke's on me.
194
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,707
This is an outrage!
195
00:07:54,774 --> 00:07:56,976
I'm going to complain
to the promoter right now!
196
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,544
Okay, I'm off
on poon patrol.
197
00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:00,980
"10-4, good buddy.
I got an APB on poon,
198
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:02,681
preferably
a trust-fund baby
199
00:08:02,748 --> 00:08:04,784
with an appropriated
Native American headdress,
200
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,086
over". Krrrk!
201
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:07,220
No, damn it!
202
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,789
The band's supposed
to be onstage right now!
203
00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,791
Gorillaz -- with a "Z"!
204
00:08:11,858 --> 00:08:13,726
Wait. Then who's
onstage right now?
205
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,394
Gorillas, with an "S"!
206
00:08:15,461 --> 00:08:18,231
[ Gorillas grunting ]
207
00:08:18,298 --> 00:08:19,098
[ People cheering ]
208
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,167
And their rider
was bananas!
209
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,568
Well, they are gorillas.
210
00:08:22,635 --> 00:08:25,004
[ Laughs ]
211
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,640
Stick with my "B" story
for more laughs
212
00:08:27,707 --> 00:08:28,575
just like that one.
213
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:30,243
Oh, chipmunks.
214
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:34,580
Wow, I can't believe I'm
making out with Selena Gomez!
215
00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:37,617
Wow, I can't believe
I'm making out with Alvin!
216
00:08:37,683 --> 00:08:38,984
I'm not Alvin.
217
00:08:39,051 --> 00:08:40,653
You know I'm not Selena Gomez,
the singer, right?
218
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,855
I might have racial
face blindness.
219
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:46,825
I always feel
so creatively stifled.
220
00:08:46,892 --> 00:08:50,329
Do you have any advice on how to
be "the cute one" in the band?
221
00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:52,732
Buddy, I've got
bad news for you.
222
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:55,368
You're the biggest
Ringo I've ever seen!
223
00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:57,838
Paul is supposed to be dead!
Again!
224
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:58,706
[ Groaning ]
225
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:02,308
Excuse me, have you seen
three giant chipmunks
226
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,076
wearing nightgowns...
"Thom"?
227
00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:05,378
It's pronounced "Tom".
228
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:06,779
-"Yorkie".
-Yorke.
229
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,148
Listen,
are you okay, man?
230
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,581
Either I'm on LSD,
231
00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:11,550
or those Dippin' Dots
were seriously expired.
232
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:14,221
Two things can be true
at once.
233
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:17,189
♪♪
234
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:19,825
This sucks!
Nobody's paying attention!
235
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:24,697
Don't worry, fellas.
I have an ace up my sleeve!
236
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:26,899
Holograms are so in
right now.
237
00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:29,035
Ladies and gentlemen,
presenting the newest member
238
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,704
of "The Chipmunks",
here's Beat-munk!
239
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:33,873
Yeah, Beat-munk,
here to bop, bop, bop!
240
00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,975
[ People cheering ]
Bop that! Bop that!
241
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:38,244
[ Indistinct chatter ]
242
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,412
Yeah!
243
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,113
Boys, you might have
played the smallest tent,
244
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:43,216
but you're social media
is blowing up!
245
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:43,917
You're a hit!
246
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:44,884
And Beat-munk
247
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:48,220
even got signed to --
T-Tidal?
248
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,155
[ Paper thuds ]
249
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,589
And most importantly,
250
00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:54,259
I tore through a metric ton
of freaky music festival trim.
251
00:09:54,326 --> 00:09:57,663
[ Sighs ] Alvin, I'm afraid
I have some bad news.
252
00:09:57,730 --> 00:10:00,933
You have gonorrhea of the ear,
nose, and throat.
253
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,068
Alvin!
254
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,369
Ugh, you know what?
255
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:04,904
This festival has taught me
a great lesson
256
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,038
about loosening up.
257
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:08,308
From now on, just call me
"Good Time Dave."
258
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,708
Okay, "Good Time Dave",
259
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,545
gonorrhea is fatal
in chipmunks.
260
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,014
Too bad it wasn't fatal
in "Monkees".
261
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,183
[ Clicks tongue ]
Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-kow!
262
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,851
[ Chuckles ]
Do you get it?
263
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,986
They were a rival band
of ours.
264
00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:21,954
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
265
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,189
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
266
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,224
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
267
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,258
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
268
00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:27,493
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
269
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,428
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
270
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:30,429
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
271
00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:31,664
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
272
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:33,900
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
273
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,070
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
18364
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