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1
00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:04,003
[ Whirring ]
2
00:00:04,070 --> 00:00:06,039
[ Theme music plays ]
3
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,477
[ Whirring ]
4
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:17,316
♪♪
5
00:00:17,383 --> 00:00:18,752
Man: It's alive!
6
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:25,819
♪♪
7
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:27,928
[ Thunder rumbles ]
8
00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:34,994
♪♪
9
00:00:37,636 --> 00:00:39,906
[ Laughter ]
Bring up Twitter.
Here goes.
10
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,742
Donald Trump's hair
is fake. Sent.
11
00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:46,446
Donald Trump
isn't that rich. Sent.
12
00:00:46,513 --> 00:00:47,680
I don't want to do it.
13
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:49,848
The legend says
it takes three, dumbass.
14
00:00:49,915 --> 00:00:53,086
[ Voice breaking ]
Okay. Donald Trump buys
his suits off the rack.
15
00:00:53,153 --> 00:00:55,388
Sent!
16
00:00:55,454 --> 00:00:58,324
I guess his skin isn't
so thin after all.
17
00:00:58,390 --> 00:01:01,027
[ Electricity crackles ]
18
00:01:01,093 --> 00:01:04,030
Eric has a tiny dick.
Sad!
19
00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:06,299
[ All scream ]
20
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:09,969
Dave doesn't belong
on the football team. Overrated!
21
00:01:10,036 --> 00:01:12,137
[ All scream ]
22
00:01:12,204 --> 00:01:15,408
Matt's never touched a boob!
Dishonest!
23
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:19,879
[ All screaming ]
24
00:01:19,946 --> 00:01:22,481
[ Bell rings ]
25
00:01:22,548 --> 00:01:25,218
Does anyone know where Dave,
Eric, and Matt are?
26
00:01:25,284 --> 00:01:27,620
♪♪
27
00:01:27,686 --> 00:01:31,291
Together:
Mary pads her bra. Sad!
28
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,627
[ All scream ]
29
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,694
♪♪
30
00:01:35,761 --> 00:01:39,264
Now Eric and Ariel
will never kiss on their own.
31
00:01:39,331 --> 00:01:41,200
Oh, Sebastian's trying
to make humans kiss.
32
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,135
Wow. must be a day
that ends in "Y."
33
00:01:43,202 --> 00:01:47,173
First, we gots to create
the mood with some percussion.
34
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:48,608
Is this
a paid gig, man?
35
00:01:48,675 --> 00:01:50,210
You know
we're all union, right?
36
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,611
I have
artistic integrity, bro.
37
00:01:52,678 --> 00:01:55,315
Didn't you write the jingle
for that credit-report website?
38
00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:56,849
Hey fuck off, man.
You don't know me.
39
00:01:56,916 --> 00:01:59,585
Second,
we need the strings.
40
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,320
You know, I want a much
as the ducks make.
41
00:02:01,387 --> 00:02:02,488
Favored nations, man!
42
00:02:02,555 --> 00:02:04,957
Anyone call
for a triangle?
43
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,759
Get the fuck
out of here, Greg!
44
00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:09,462
[ Steam horn blows ]
45
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:12,231
Yabba dabba doo!
46
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,968
I've had just about enough
of these lazy fucks
47
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,869
using us as slave labor.
48
00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:17,971
Bam!
49
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,439
The uprising is upon us!
50
00:02:20,506 --> 00:02:23,643
[ All roaring ]
51
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:25,278
We're under attack.
52
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,879
Aah!
53
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:29,416
[ Steam horn blows ]
54
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,185
[ Steam horn blows ]
55
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,753
[ Roars ]
56
00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,621
[ Steam horn blows ]
57
00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:37,657
Aah!
58
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,024
[ Bones crack ]
59
00:02:39,091 --> 00:02:41,326
Wilma,
it's the dinosaurs.
60
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:45,698
I was...just slicing
some bread for dinner.
61
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,601
Oh, God!
62
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,437
What's wrong, can't look
at your watch anymore?
63
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,674
It's payback o'clock,
motherfucker.
64
00:02:54,741 --> 00:02:57,777
That's enough, Sam.
That's enough.
65
00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:00,680
[ Crying ]
66
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,614
Then the Scottish lobster
paid us
67
00:03:02,681 --> 00:03:05,351
three sand dollars apiece,
and that was it.
68
00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:07,319
Wasn't he
a Jamaican crab?
Maybe.
69
00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:08,320
Got a little weird
at the end
70
00:03:08,387 --> 00:03:09,321
when y'all
started chanting,
71
00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:10,790
"Kiss the girl,"
in unison.
72
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,625
Yeah, that --
that didn't feel right.
73
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:13,960
So, then they kissed?
74
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,328
No, a couple of eels
swam up,
75
00:03:15,395 --> 00:03:16,563
knocked them
out of the boat.
76
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,631
Oh, total cock block.
Yeah.
77
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,867
I was just about
to pull out my flamingo cock
78
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,368
start jerking it
right there.
79
00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:25,305
Ooh. We had
very different goals.
80
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,573
♪♪
81
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,608
My husband, David,
is a very good doctor
82
00:03:29,675 --> 00:03:31,878
who takes care of
all the forest creatures,
83
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:34,513
but I wish he'd take care
of something I need,
84
00:03:34,580 --> 00:03:36,549
specifically,
a breast reduction.
85
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,651
I'm not that
kind of doctor, Lisa.
86
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,253
We've talked
about this.
87
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,555
Motorboating is
not talking.
88
00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:45,158
I feel in love
with your personality, dear.
89
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,059
Aw, shit!
Worldstar!
90
00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,728
You'd think after centuries,
you would've learned something
91
00:03:49,795 --> 00:03:52,632
other than how to remove
a thorn out of a squirrel's paw!
92
00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,834
You might have
body dysmorphia.
93
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,702
Those things aren't
even that big.
94
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:58,505
Excuse me.
My paw is --
95
00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,605
Huge boobs!
96
00:03:59,672 --> 00:04:00,907
You're not helping.
97
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,009
I suppose I'll just have to
learn to live with --
98
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,578
Aah, my breasts!
My breasts!
99
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:07,079
I mean, my wife!
100
00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:08,514
Put me out!
I'm on fire!
101
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,450
How do you turn
this damn thing on?
102
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:12,584
Whoa!
103
00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:15,154
Well, I knew
those were some hot tits!
104
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:18,591
What? I can say it.
I'm a titmouse.
105
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:21,027
Wait. A titmouse
isn't a mouse?
106
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:24,130
[ Chimes play! ]
107
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:27,100
Duck...
duck...duck...
108
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,335
goose!
109
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:32,439
[ All crying ]
110
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:35,408
♪♪
111
00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:38,677
This painting reminds me
of my childhood.
112
00:04:38,744 --> 00:04:41,948
It brings solace
to my troubled mind.
113
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,416
I love this piece.
114
00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,619
Heavy is the head
that wears the crown.
115
00:04:48,755 --> 00:04:51,124
This painting reminds me
of Garfield.
116
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,558
[ Gulping ]
117
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:54,027
Man:
Jessica, are you ready?
118
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,729
Hold on.
119
00:04:55,796 --> 00:05:02,796
♪♪
120
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:09,542
I've tried to make her quit,
but she can literally lift cars.
121
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:11,778
No, I've never seen
Jessica drink,
122
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:13,279
but I can always
smell it on her
123
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:15,581
because I've got
a great sense of smell.
124
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:18,851
Oh, here's a tip, pal --
Invest in a bidet.
125
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:20,953
Jessica: So, I have a drink
every now and then.
126
00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:23,756
I was enslaved by Killgrave's
mind control for years.
127
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:27,059
Mind control?
That'd never stand up in court.
128
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:30,830
You're cute. Why don't you
come here? Sit on my lap.
129
00:05:30,897 --> 00:05:32,565
Now put on this
"Sailor Moon" costume.
130
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,500
Jessica, you've heard
from your friends
131
00:05:34,567 --> 00:05:36,068
and your
mind-control rapist,
132
00:05:36,135 --> 00:05:38,805
but there's one more person
with a message for you.
133
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,942
[ Door shuts, all gasp ]
134
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,476
What happened?
135
00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:47,179
Jessica, the drinking is
negatively affecting your life.
136
00:05:47,246 --> 00:05:49,348
You don't take care
of yourself anymore.
137
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:52,819
You've grown cold and distant
to your friends and family.
138
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,587
[ Voice breaking ]
Please take this opportunity
139
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:57,757
to bring back
the Jessica we all love.
140
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,127
[ All crying ]
141
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:06,165
You know, the acid
destroyed my tear ducts, also.
142
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:08,134
Listen, everyone.
I'm fine.
143
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,536
I don't need rehab.
144
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:10,770
You're overreacting.
145
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:14,273
Oh, for the love of --
You don't want to drink anymore.
146
00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:15,808
[ Robotically ]
I don't want to drink anymore.
147
00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:17,009
Oh!
148
00:06:17,076 --> 00:06:18,310
Ohh!
149
00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:20,246
Can you help me
with my carb addiction?
150
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,017
Well, of course,
I can. Wink.
151
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,986
You're in trouble
now, kid.
152
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,822
I'm not a kid!
I'm 18 now!
153
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:33,193
And you know who else is?
Quailman!
154
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,494
[ Whistles ]
155
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,296
Someone needs Quailman!
156
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:41,301
♪♪
157
00:06:41,368 --> 00:06:43,535
Ooh, extra tight today.
158
00:06:43,602 --> 00:06:46,906
You better hope someone
pays your ransom or else!
159
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:50,343
Quailman will be coming
to save me any minute.
160
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,380
Friction addiction.
161
00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:58,084
He should have
been here by now.
162
00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,352
Quailman!
163
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,020
I'm Quailman!
164
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:03,389
Look. We've got
another...thing.
165
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:04,891
"Riverdale"
viewing party.
166
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,259
I was trying
not to say that.
167
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:07,760
Look, Patti,
you can just go.
168
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:08,995
I like "Riverdale."
169
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,597
That's nice.
Get out.
170
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,567
Doug, want to go
play basketball?
171
00:07:15,468 --> 00:07:18,204
Oh, God!
I knew this day would come!
172
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,140
Dad,
can you open this?
173
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,675
[ Grunting ]
174
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,112
Come on, Dad.
You're Manimal!
175
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,114
Just turn into
a bear or something.
176
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,149
Yes, son,
I am Manimal,
177
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:32,518
master of the secrets
that divide man from animal,
178
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:35,655
animal from man, but bears
don't have fingers or thumbs.
179
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:37,723
So I wouldn't be able
to open it anyway.
180
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:38,925
Could you
at least try?
181
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:40,961
[ Sighs ]
182
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:43,596
[ Growling ]
183
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:45,599
[ Roars ]
184
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,134
[ Grunting ]
185
00:07:51,504 --> 00:07:54,006
Chase, this needs to
get to the FedEx office fast.
186
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:55,441
Why don't you turn
into a cheetah
187
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:56,742
or something
to race it down there?
188
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:58,678
Cheetahs are the fast
animal alive,
189
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:03,083
but how do you expect a cheetah
to carry that giant box?
190
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,784
Just do it.
191
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:08,787
[ Panting ]
192
00:08:08,854 --> 00:08:12,258
[ Clears throat ]
It's Tuesday at 8:30, darling.
193
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,027
Honey, how about we do it
normally this time?
194
00:08:15,094 --> 00:08:17,463
If I wanted
to do it normally,
195
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:20,600
I wouldn't have married
goddamn Manimal!!
196
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,135
[ Sighs ]
197
00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:22,969
[ Whinnies ]
198
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:23,936
[ Moans ]
199
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:26,572
This...isn't...
fun for me!
200
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:29,274
Say it like a horse!
201
00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:32,077
So if I'm understanding
this correctly, Mrs. Voorhees,
202
00:08:32,144 --> 00:08:34,213
you want to sue
your son Jason
203
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,716
for ownership of the
"Friday the 13th" properties?
204
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:37,950
Correct.
205
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:40,152
But isn't he, like,
the star of the movies?
206
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:43,256
If you remember
the first movie correctly,
207
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,024
I was the killer.
208
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,727
He was just a Mongoloid
in a cameo role.
209
00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:49,929
Oh, no offense, honey.
210
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:56,435
[ Sighs,
mumbling indistinctly ]
211
00:08:56,502 --> 00:08:57,736
He makes a good case,
212
00:08:57,803 --> 00:09:01,807
but the court rules in favor
of Pamela Voorhees.
213
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,742
Oh, don't worry, son.
214
00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,646
You'll land
on your feet.
215
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,751
[ Mumbles "Ta-da!" ]
216
00:09:11,817 --> 00:09:13,953
[ Applause ]
217
00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:16,822
Look! It's the Pokémon
daycare center.
218
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:20,225
Hi, mister. Can you teach us
to hatch Pokémon eggs?
219
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:23,128
Ho, ho, ho.
Not so fast there, young man.
220
00:09:23,195 --> 00:09:24,797
Where do you think
those eggs come from
221
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:25,832
in the first place?
222
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,099
Storks?
Trees?
223
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:30,002
The same place baby humans
come from, you idiots.
224
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,471
My mom's uterus?
Trees?
225
00:09:32,538 --> 00:09:33,939
You need two Pokémons
226
00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:37,377
who like each other very much,
like those Bulbasaurs.
227
00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:38,744
Bulba, bulba.
228
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,346
If you leave them alone,
you'll get a Pokémon egg.
229
00:09:41,413 --> 00:09:44,517
I've got every second of it
on the security cameras.
230
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,418
Bulba?!
231
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:47,553
These two
are into role-play.
232
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:50,090
I have a shed full of props
and costumes
233
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,291
for just such an occasion.
234
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:52,458
Bulba, Bulbasaur!
235
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:55,829
Bulba, bulba, bulba!
Bulba, bulba, bulba!
236
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,363
That's hot.
237
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:01,033
Some public-domain music really
adds to the production value.
238
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,703
Wow, Pikachu, you're going
to make an egg!
239
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:04,804
Pikachu!
240
00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:07,907
What about
with that one?
241
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,775
[ Awoo-gah! ]
Pikachu!
242
00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:12,645
Sorry, no. That one's
already got an egg in it.
243
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:14,780
How about that little
honey over there?
244
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,950
[ Roars ]
245
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:18,752
P-P-Pikachu!
246
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:21,154
[ Cheesy music playing ]
247
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:24,557
[ Sighs ] Pikachu.
248
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:25,958
Wait.
I thought the Pokémon
249
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:28,293
had to be the same species
to make an egg.
250
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:32,832
Well, bottom line, this movie
checks a lot of fetish boxes.
251
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:33,866
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
252
00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,201
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
253
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:37,203
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
254
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,371
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
255
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:39,705
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
256
00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,540
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
257
00:10:41,607 --> 00:10:42,541
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
258
00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:43,876
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk
259
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:45,879
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪
260
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,082
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
17999
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