Original subtitles

[ WHIRRING ]

[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ WHIRRING ]

Man: IT'S ALIVE!

[ THUNDER RUMBLES ]

[ STATIC ]

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

HEY, SORRY, BUDDY.

HAD TO DISCONNECT YOUR CABLE SERVICE.

YOU HAVEN'T PAID YOUR BILL IN...

150 EPISODES!

[ CHEERING ] THAT'S RIGHT!

THIS IS THE 150th EPISODE OF "ROBOT CHICKEN!"

[ CHEERING FADES ]

[ BIRD CALLS ] ALL RIGHT.

I'M GONNA GO TURN THE CABLE BACK ON.

Woman: MIKE, STOP! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

COME BACK! [ SCREAMS ]

MIKE! -GEEZ, SHUT UP!

I WAS JUST TAKING A PISS.

OH, DEAR. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE STOLE MY GARBAGE.

COULD YOU ASK THEM TO REMOVE THEIR MASKS?

WOW. I JUST LEARNED SOMETHING CRAZY ABOUT RACCOONS TODAY.

OH, IT'S DEFINITELY NUMBER FOUR.

[ SCREECHES ]

ALL RIGHT, WHO'S READY FOR SOME FAMILY DOUBLE DARE,

SPECIAL EDITION?!

HERE'S YOUR FIRST QUESTION FOR $500.

ONE OF YOUR DADS HERE HAS BEEN UNFAITHFUL.

WHICH DAD WAS IT?

DARE! UH, HONEY?

OH, JUST PLAYING THE GAME, DEAR.

WHAT TIME FRAME ARE WE TA-- I MEAN DOUBLE DARE.

OH, SNAP! OKAY, BACK TO THE BLUE TEAM.

IT WAS KEVIN, THE RED DAD.

[ BUZZER ] THE ANSWER IS BARRY.

HEY, IT'S TIME FOR THE PHYSICAL CHALLENGE.

BARRY, YOU GET A FIVE-SECOND HEAD START.

LINDA, YOU GET THIS NAIL BAT.

60 SECONDS ON THE CLOCK.

GO!

MOMMY, NO! DON'T KILL DADDY!

HE'LL WISH HE WAS DEAD!

WHATEVER THE RESULT, I STILL LOVE YOU.

[ CLUCKS ]

[ CLUCKS ]

WE'LL KEEP TRYING, BABY. WE'LL KEEP TRYING.

ON THE SUNNY SIDE, WE'VE GOT BREAKFAST!

HA HA!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE HELP ME WELCOME

MY FIRST GUEST TODAY --

JUST ANNOUNCED HIS CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO THE GREAT OLD ONE HIMSELF,

CTHULHU.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

HEY, OPRAH!

MY FIRST QUESTIONS, CTHULHU, AS A CITIZEN OF R'LYEH,

ARE YOU ELIGIBLE TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT?

[ ROARING ]

[ SCREAMING ]

[ CROWD BOOING ]

LOOK UNDER YOUR CHAIRS.

[ KEYS JINGLE ]

YOU GET A CAR. YOU GET A CAR.

EVERYONE GETS A NEW CAR.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

[ LAUGHING MANIACALLY ]

I AM GALACTUS, DEVOURER OF WORLDS.

I REQUIRE A HERALD TO SEEK OUT NEW PLANETS TO CONSUME.

[ CHITTERS ]

SO, TELL ME, WHY SHOULD YOU BE GALACTUS' NEW HERALD, EH?

[ HIP-HOP PLAYING ]

OH! THIS DAY BEGINS POORLY.

[ UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ] [ GUNSHOTS ]

[ GRUNTS ]

[ TIRE SCREECHING ]

[ FART NOISES ]

WILL YOU BE PROVIDING TRANSPORTATION?

WILL I GET REIMBURSED FOR MILEAGE?

WHAT KIND OF PER DIEM WILL I --

[ HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS ]

I AM THE HERALD OF GALACTUS!

BOW BEFORE HIS MIGHT!

[ CLAPPING ]

BRAVO! BRAVO!

GALACTUS HAS FOUND HIS NEW HERALD.

[ HIP-HOP PLAYING ]

NOT YOU.

[ SOBBING ]

DAMN!

BALLS.

[ GRUNTING ]

IT'S WHAT HE WOULD HAVE WANTED.

OH, SORRY I'M LATE, BATMAN. I...

AW, CRAP!

I FORGOT TO TAKE OFF THE PINK MUSTACHE, DIDN'T I?

WANT A BOX OF GIRL SCOUT COOKIES?

NO, THANK YOU.

FREE SAMPLE.

OH, I-I REALLY SHOULDN'T.

OH, OKAY.

[ SCREAMING ]

ASS TO ASS?!

[ DISTORTED LAUGHTER ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

SORRY, I DON'T HAVE ANY CASH ANYWAY.

WE TAKE CREDIT CARDS NOW.

[ SCREAMING ]

Mr. Roarke: THAT'S MR. DAVIS.

HE WANTS TO RELIVE HIS HIGH SCHOOL GLORY DAYS.

AND THERE WE HAVE MRS. SMITH.

SHE WANTS TO TALK TO HER HUSBAND,

WHO'S BEEN DEAD FOR MORE THAN 15 YEARS.

AND THAT'S TOMMY DOUGLAS.

HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH A DINOSAUR.

SEX WITH A DINOSAUR, BOSS?

YES, TATTOO. IT'S FANTASY ISLAND.

IS IT STRANGER THAN A MIDGET

WHO WANTS TO BE CALLED A LITTLE PERSON?

SOME DAY, BOSS.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, TATTOO.

HOLY SHIT! YOU ACTUALLY GOT A DINOSAUR?

HER NAME IS MAGNOLIA. PLEASE ENJOY.

[ GRUNTS ]

IF MAGNOLIA COULD TALK, SHE'D SAY IT'S LIKE

PUTTING A BABY WORM IN THE CRATER OF MT. VESUVIUS.

OR A MIDGET'S PENIS INSIDE A NORMAL SIZED VAGINA.

LITTLE PERSON!

OKAY, A MIDGET'S PENIS INSIDE A LITTLE PERSON'S VAGINA.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ MOANING ]

TOMMY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OH, OH! THAT WAS AWESOME!

MAGNOLIA, WAIT UP, BABY! I CAN GO AGAIN.

NOW, MRS. SMITH, LET'S GET YOU IN TOUCH

WITH YOUR DECEASED HUSBAND.

FUCK THAT. I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A DINOSAUR!

YEAH, ME, TOO!

YEAH, AND ME!

I WANT TO GET ALL UP IN THAT.

[ ALL ROARING ]

THAT DINO VAG IS SMOOTHER THAN CORINTHIAN LEATHER.

TATTOO, GET MY WATCH!

I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATING ON ME!

FOR TONIGHT, WE DINE IN HELL!

[ ALL CHEERING ]

CAN I INTEREST YOU IN ANYTHING ELSE?

NO, EVERYTHING'S BEEN GREAT! THANKS, SATAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA WRITE A YELP REVIEW.

"HELL IS NOT YOUR TYPICAL, PRETENTIOUS, YUPPIE BISTRO.

SURPRISINGLY EASY TO GET SEATING FOR 300 WITHOUT A RESERVATION.

FOUR STARS.

WOULD HAVE GIVEN IT FIVE, BUT THEY DON'T TAKE DISCOVER.

WHO DOESN'T TAKE DISCOVER?!

CHEERIO, FELLOW FOODIES.

XOXO, SpartyOn300."

COME ON, MAN. SHE'S RIGHT THERE.

YOU'D KISS HER IF YOU HAD ANY GUTS.

[ Echoing ] GUTS, GUTS, GUTS. TIME FOR SEXUAL GUTS!

YOU WANT THAT KISS?

[ BELL DINGS ]

YOU GO AND GET IT!

HE CLUMSILY SWINGS ON THE ROPE.

NOW HE'S FREE FALLING ONTO THE AIRBAG.

HE'S DIVING THROUGH THAT LIFTED BUNCH OF TIRES,

AND -- OH, HE'S STUCK.

AND HE'S PULLING HIMSELF OUT OF THEM!

YES, MY MAN!

HE'S MADE IT THROUGH THE FIRST CHALLENGE.

THIS NEXT CHALLENGE WILL TAKE A LOT OF BRA-VERY.

UNHOOK THE BRASSIERE IN 10 SECONDS OR LESS.

I'M REALLY SCARED TO DO THIS.

WELL, MAYBE YOU DON'T LIKE GIRLS.

WELL, WHY WOULD MY SUBCONSCIOUS FANTASY SAY THAT?

OFF YOU GO!

OH!

WHY ARE ARE THERE SO MANY HOOKS?!

THERE ARE TWO -- SOMETIMES THREE.

[ GROANING ] COME ON!

[ BELL DINGS ]

YOU DID IT!

BUT I WAS JUST DESPERATELY FLAILING AT IT.

AND NOW YOU ARE A MAN.

THAT'S ALL IT TOOK, NO SKILL REQUIRED.

NOW, YOU SCALE THE AGRO-VAG AND REACH THAT SPOT.

THAT'S RIGHT, THE G SPOT.

UM, ISN'T THE G SPOT ON THE INSIDE?

NO ONE KNOWS OR CARES, AIDAN.

AND GO!

YEAH, JUST KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

[ BUZZER ]

AHA!

[ GRUNTING ]

[ BUZZER ] OH, YEAH!

OH, MY GOD!

HERE IT IS!

HE'S DONE IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

I DID IT.

[ Echoing ] DID IT, DID IT, DID IT.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?

LIKE, 15 MINUTES NOW.

AND NOW, CHILDREN, TO TEACH YOU ABOUT PROPER NUTRITION

IN A WAY THAT'S ON FLEEK,

PLEASE WELCOME MC ROCCOLI!

♪ AW, HERE WE GO ON THE ONE, Y'ALL ♪

♪ OH, I'M THE RAPPING BROCCOLI AND I'M HERE TO SAY ♪

♪ I'M YOUR DAILY ALLOWANCE OF V-V-VITAMIN K ♪

OH, SNAP-PEAS, KIDS.

FAMOUS JAMES BOND PRODUCER ALBERT CUBBY BROCCOLI.

♪ CONNERY, SEAN LOVES BUTTERY CORN ♪

♪ ROGER MOORE BUYS SQUASH AT THE STORE ♪

♪ GEORGE LAZENBY'S A BIG FAN OF PEAS ♪

♪ TIMOTHY DALTON EATS KALE BY THE CARTON ♪

♪ BROSNAN, PIERCE THINKS BEETS ARE FIERCE ♪

♪ DANIEL CRAIG, GREEN BEANS ON THE REG ♪

♪ NOW YOU KNOW WHAT JAMES BOND EATS ♪

♪ SO HERE'S CARROT TOP WITH SOME PROPS FROM THE STREETS ♪

♪ CARROT TOP, I SEE THE CHALKBOARD IN YOUR CLASSES ♪

♪ THAT'S WHY YOU'LL NEVER SEE A RABBIT WEARING GLASSES ♪

NOPE. NO GLASSES FOR ME.

WELL, HOW ABOUT A PAIR OF CONTACT LENSES?

HA HA. GET IT?

WIKIPEDIA SAID CUBBY BROCCOLI DIED IN 1996.

THEN WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

SO LONG, SUCKAS!

I'LL MAKE THIS QUICK.

I'M OUT OF HERE, HOMEY.

YOU CAN EAT THIS DICK!

HEY, THAT'S OUR MILK MONEY!

[ GRUNTS ]

OH, MY GOD, HE'S DEAD.

[ GROANS ]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE BLACK EYED PEAS!

SEE YA!

OH, HOW WAS THAT FOR A CARPET RIDE?

IT WAS A WHOLE NEW WORLD.

[ CHITTERING ]

♪ HERE COME THE CHEESE LEAGUE

♪ CHEESE LEAGUE, CHEESE LEAGUE

CHEESE LEAGUE ROLE CALL!

♪ COLBY!

LET'S SLICE AND DICE, TEAM!

MUENSTER!

[ FARTS ] WHO CUT THE CHEESE?

CHEDDAR!

WHEN IN DOUBT, ADD IT TO MY ACCOUNT.

BRIE.

GIRL MOUSE GONNA ROCK THE HOUSE.

BABY SWISS!

I'M NOT A BABY!

♪ CH-CH-CH-CH-CHEESE LEAGUE!

OKAY, TEAM, LOOK SHARP!

HEY, THE NAME'S CHEDDAR, BABY. I'M ALWAYS SHARP.

THE NEXT MISSION WILL BE --

-[ MEOWS ] -WHOA!

[ SCREAMING ]

NO! [ YOWLS ]

[ GRUNTS ]

[ MEOWS, YOWLS ]

NO!

[ PURRING ]

♪ HERE COME THE CHEESE LEAGUE

♪ CHEESE LEAGUE, CHEESE LEAGUE

[ GUITAR SOLO ]

♪ CH-CH-CH-CH-CHEESE LEAGUE!

[ FART NOISES ]

BEST HERALD EVER!

HA HA HA HA!