Original subtitles

[ SCANNER WHIRRING ]

[ THEME MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ WHIRRING ]

IT'S ALIVE!

[ THEME MUSIC CONTINUES ]

[ LIGHTNING CRASHES ]

HERE ME, XANATOS, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR,

AND, TOMORROW, I WILL END YOU!

GOLIATH IS COMING FOR YOU!

ONE MORE STONE SLEEP AND THEN MY FURY WILL BE UNLEASHED.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

[ COOING ]

[ FARTING ]

HEY, GOLIATH!

IT'S ME, XANATOS!

HYAH!

[ LAUGHS ] WELL, THAT WAS EASIER THAN I --

[ GRUNTS ] FUCK

[ SCREAMS ]

[ CHIME ]

[ WHISTLING ]

[ CHIME ]

[ WHISTLE ]

OH, I KNEW THAT WAS A BAD IDEA.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT WILL WIN HER HEART?

OPEN TRADE RELATIONS WITH CHINA.

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TRADE RELATIONS WITH CHINA, DICK!

I HAVE A HUGE SURPRISE.

SO DO I!

-OKAY, YOU FIRST! -NO, YOU FIRST.

OKAY, TOGETHER -- ON THE COUNT OF THREE.

ONE, TWO, THREE!

I'M PREGNANT. -I LIKE TO EAT BABIES!

-OH, MY GOD! -THAT'S FANTASTIC!

♪♪

HUH? BUT IF I WORE THAT HAT TO WORK, THEN --

[ GASPS ] OH, NO! MY HABERDASHER!

HELLO, THIS MESSAGE IS FOR BRIAN "ODDJOB" KIMORA.

IT'S AL WOODLEY, DOWN AT WEST END HABERDASHERY.

SO, FIRST OF ALL, FUCK YOU.

WANTED TO GET THAT ONE OUT OF THE WAY

BEFORE I DIED OF BLOOD LOSS.

SECOND OF ALL, YOUR HAT WILL BE READY

FOR PICKUP AFTER 3:00 P.M. ON THURSDAY.

HAVE A GOOD ONE.

[ ROARING ] Man: GODZILLA'S DESTROYING OUR CITY!

OH, HE'S SO ANGRY AND VIOLENT!

WHY?!

[ ROARING ]

SHARK ATTACK!

ANOTHER LONELY NIGHT FOR DOCTOR MANHATTAN.

ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS LEAVE ME

BECAUSE MY EXPOSED PENIS MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE...

AND I GIVE THEM CANCER.

[ SLURPING ]

LATER, I WILL URINATE THIS SODA OUT OF MY PENIS HOLE.

THE FUTURE IS THE PAST AND THE PRESENT ALL AT ONCE.

WE WANT PLEASE TO HAVE THREE ORANGE SODAS!

AND THE VICKS VapoRub TO MAKE MY BODY

FEEL LIKE A GIANT MENTHOL CIGARETTE.

SORRY, WE DON'T CARRY VapoRub.

WHOA!

MANY THANKS, HUGE GLOW STICK!

WE IS GOING TO PARTY NOW. YOU COME?

THOUGH TIME IS SHAPELESS, 3:00 A.M. SEEMS LATE TO GO OUT.

NO, IS EARLY!

WE ARE ALWAYS PARTYING!

WE ARE NEVER NOT PARTYING!

[ TECHNO PLAYING ]

[ SNIFFING ]

[ TECHNO CONTINUES ]

[ CHEERING ]

[ SCREAMS ]

[ CHEERING ]

[ TECHNO CONTINUES ]

OH, MY GOSH, IS SO MUCH FUN LAST NIGHT.

WE IS TIME FOR BREAKFAST MIMOSAS?

NO, WE IS TIME FOR YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT.

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO HEAD STRAIGHT TO CHEMOTHERAPY.

THIS IS A CARJACKING!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

OH, MAN!

DID THAT GUY PICK THE WRONG CAR.

-DO YOU THINK HE BOUGHT IT? -SHUT UP AND KISS ME!

[ SMOOCHING ]

THEY BOUGHT IT.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO FEEL A HUMAN INSIDE ME.

STEP ON MY PEDAL.

WOW, OH, WOW!

[ INTERCOM CHIMES ] Pilot: UH, FOLKS, IT'S COME TO MY ATTENTION

WE HAVE A PASSENGER ABOARD WITH A PEANUT ALLERGY,

SO DUE TO F.A.A. REGULATIONS,

WE HAD TO DUMP ALL PEANUTS FROM THE PLANE.

WHICH IS HIGHLY UNFORTUNATE FOR ALL OF YOU.

THIS IS CAPTAIN MR. PEANUT SIGNING OFF.

WHOO!

YAHOO!

OH, MY MONOCLE!

UGH, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?!

I AM KUATO, MR. QUAID.

YOU LOOK LIKE THAT BABY THAT GOT EATEN BY THAT GUY

AND YOU'RE TRYING TO PUSH YOUR WAY OUT OF HIS STOMACH!

THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED AT ALL.

UGH, WHY ARE YOU ALL SLIMY?! DO YOU HAVE A COLD OR SOMETHING?

I DO NOT HAVE A COLD, MR. QUAID.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN WIPING YOUR NOSE

WITH YOUR LITTLE BABY ARMS

AND THEN SMEARING IT ALL OVER YOUR BODY.

TAKE MY HANDS, MR. QUAID.

[ SQUISH ] UGH!

IT'S ALL GOOEY, AND IT SMELLS!

IT DOES NOT SMELL!

UGH, NOW IT SMELLS LIKE IT'S SMELLY!

[ GRUNTING ] OH, NO!

Man: [ British accent ] THE WORLD'S MOST EFFICIENT

PREDATORS CALL THE OCEAN THEIR HOME --

THE ORCA,

THE GIANT SQUID,

AND OF COURSE, THE DREADED KNIFE SHARK.

THE KNIFE SHARK IS AN EFFICIENT KILLER.

WHEN HE KILLS HIS PREY, HE REMOVES EVERYTHING OF VALUE.

THE KNIFE SHARK WILL ADAPT TO HIS PREY'S OCCUPATION

AND WILL RISE WITHIN THE RANKS

OF HIS PREY'S REAL ESTATE DEVELOPMENT FIRM.

THE KNIFE SHARK WILL MATE WITH HIS PREY'S WIFE.

THE KNIFE SHARK WILL GO SHOPPING FOR A NEW VACUUM CLEANER,

BUT WILL NOT SIGN UP FOR A COUPLES' COOKING CLASS.

THE KNIFE SHARK HAS ALREADY GIVEN UP HALF HIS SATURDAY.

THE KNIFE SHARK WILL ULTIMATELY NOT HOLD HIS MARRIAGE TOGETHER,

DESPITE MONTHS OF COUPLES COUNSELING.

[ SCREAMS ]

[ BOTH ROARING ]

[ BOTH WHINING ]

TINKER BELL, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND!

HUH? WHO ARE YOU?

MY NAME IS PINKER BELL.

I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND.

BUT I ALREADY HAVE A BEST FRIEND -- TINKER BELL.

YES, BUT I'LL LET YOU PUT IT IN MY...

[ WHISPERING ] UH!

OH, PINKER BELL IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND.

SORRY, TINKER BELL.

AND WHO ARE YOU?

MY NAME IS STINKER BELL, AND I'LL LET YOU...

[ WHISPERING ] STINKER BELL WINS!

WELL, YOU CAN'T COMPETE WITH THAT.

♪♪

[ FIRE CRACKLING ]

OH, NO, THE TWIN OAK TREE HOUSES!

WHAT HAPPENED?

NO TIME FOR THAT NOW.

WE GOT TO RESCUE THOSE PETS!

MARSHAL!

[ BARKS ]

OH, NO! LOOK!

I'VE GOT YOU!

YOU'VE GOT ME. WHO'S GOT YOU?

OH, YOU HAVE A JET PACK. THAT ANSWERS THAT.

OH, NO!

GOLLY, HOW DID THE TREE HOUSE CATCH FIRE?

IT WAS...THAT CAT!

[ GROWLS ]

WHY DO THEY HATE US SO MUCH?

WHY?!

RUBBLE, YOU BUILT THOSE TREE HOUSES.

ARE YOU SURE THEY'LL HOLD TOGETHER

UNTIL WE CAN RESCUE THOSE PETS?

I'D BET MY LIFE ON IT, RYDER.

[ CRACKING ]

OH, NO! MARSHAL, CHASE!

RUBBLE ON THE DOUBLE.

NO!

[ HOWLING ]

[ MEOWS ] PAW PATROL IS ON A ROLL, MOTHER-[BLEEP]!

[ GUNFIRE ]

♪♪

YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST PART IS?

-WHAT'S THAT? -CATS HATE WATER.

[ LAUGHTER ]

GOOD JOB SOLVING THE MYSTERY

OF THE ABANDONED SHIPPING FACTORY, GANG.

THE GRAY GHOST WAS JUST A GUY IN A COSTUME.

I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING.

SO WHERE TO NEXT, GANG?

WELL, THERE'S THE DESERTED AMUSEMENT PARK,

AN OLD VACANT MANSION, AN ABANDONED WAREHOUSE,

AN ABANDONED HOTEL, A SHUTTERED HOSPITAL,

AND ANOTHER ABANDONED HOTEL.

THE ECONOMY ISN'T GETTING BETTER, IS IT?

YOU'VE BEEN IMPLANTED WITH A DEVICE, PICARD.

ANSWER INCORRECTLY, AND YOU WILL FEEL UNIMAGINABLE PAIN.

WHY AM I NAKED?!

-YOU HAVE A NICE ASS AND DICK. -FAIR ENOUGH.

HOW MANY LIGHTS DO YOU SEE?

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS.

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] [ SCREAMS ]

HOW MANY LIGHTS DO YOU SEE?

[ GROANS ]

FIVE LIGHTS!

[ BELL DINGS ] CORRECT.

WHICH FAMOUS PLAYWRIGHT WROTE "MACBETH"?

SHAKESPE-- UH, UM...

TYLER PERRY?

CONGRATULATIONS!

YOU JUST WON A BRAND-NEW 2016 FORD FUSION!

[ CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING ] [ HORN HONKS ]

Man: AND NOW THE KARMA SUTRA, BROUGHT TO YOU

BY EVERYONE'S FAVORITE SINGER OF LISTS, YAKKO WARNER.

[ POLKA MUSIC PLAYS ]

♪♪

♪ ...BLACK CHERRY'S ON MY MENU... ♪

[ GASPING ]

HOLY SHIT, THERE'S MORE!?

♪ THERE'S NOTHING THAT'S CALLED THE JURASSIC ♪

♪ BUT THERE'S LAWYER ON TOILET AND CRUNCH ♪

[ SCREAMS ]

♪ ...ANAL INVADER NAMED CHIP

[ GASPS ] OH, GOD!

♪ WE'RE GOING FROM WARMER TO HOT ♪

♪ LET'S TRY THESE POSITIONS ON DOT ♪

UH, WHAT?!

[ CLUCKING THEME SONG ]

BA-GOK! BOK.

LET'S TRY THE FRIDGE SPLITTER AGAIN!

OH, GOD!

[ MONKEY COOING ]

[ CHIRP, SLAP ]

♪♪