Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ SAWING ] [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]

IT'S ALIVE!

[ THUNDER CRASHES ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ SMOOCH! ] [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG.

EASY.

[ MOANING LOUDLY ] IF I DON'T STEAL

NORTH KOREA'S NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES, IT COULD MEAN

WORLD WAR III.

AAH!

WELL, WELL, WELL...

HAVE I CAUGHT THE GREAT KIM POSSIBLE?

OR AM I JUST...KIM-AGINING THINGS?

KIM JONG-UN.

WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER!

HOW DO YOU LIKE MY SECURITY SYSTEM?

I'VE MADE CERTAIN...

KIM-PROVEMENTS.

[ ALLIGATOR ROARS ] YOU'RE A MADMAN!

YOU ARE KIM-PRISONED.

STOP MOCKING MY NAME!

KIM-ITATION IS THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY.

OKAY, KIM.

SO WHERE'S YOUR KIM-AGINARY WIFE?

SHE'S, UH, ON VACATION, KIM-BECILE!

MORE LIKE YOU'RE KIM-POTENT.

THAT'S A LIE!

IT'S KIM-MENSE!

YOU'RE SO KIM-MATURE.

MY WIFE'S REAL.

NOT LIKE YOUR KIM-PLANTS!

WHAT ARE YOU KIM-PLYING?

NATURAL BREASTS DON'T FORM A PERFECT RIGHT ANGLE.

GEEZ. THESE TWO SHOULD JUST BANG AND GET IT OVER WITH.

YEAH, HE SHOULD KIM-PREGNATE HER.

YOU'RE DEAD TO ME, DAVID.

YOU CAN TAKE MY LIFE, BUT YOU CAN NEVER IMPROVE MY SHITTY

AUDIO QUALITY!

[ ALL SHOUTING ] YAAAAAAAH!

THIS IS GEORGE.

HE'S A MONKEY IN AFRICA.

HE'S VERY CURIOUS.

ONE DAY, A MAN IN A YELLOW HAT CAME ALONG.

GEORGE ACCIDENTALLY SCRATCHED THE MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT.

BUT GEORGE GAVE THE MAN SUCH AN ADORABLE SORRY FACE, HE DECIDED

TO TAKE GEORGE TO LIVE WITH HIM IN NEW YORK CITY!

THE MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT WAS FEELING SICK, SO GEORGE WENT OUT

TO EXPLORE BY HIMSELF.

GEORGE WAS SO CURIOUS.

HE PUT HIS MOUTH ON EVERYTHING!

AFTER A FEW DAYS, GEORGE THOUGHT HE SAW THE MAN IN THE YELLOW

HAT, BUT IT WAS A DIFFERENT MAN IN YELLOW.

[ HORNS HONKING, PEOPLE SHOUTING ]

THEN GEORGE SAW THE BIGGEST BIRD HE'D EVER SEEN.

AND THEN IT TOOK A POOP -- [ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOD! GEORGE, RUN!

GEORGE, STOP BEING CURIOUS FOR ONE FREAKIN' MINUTE!

TAKE COVER!

YOU EVER PLAYED ROULETTE?

OCCASIONALLY.

WELL, LET ME GIVE YOU A WORD OF ADVICE -- ALWAYS BET ON

BLACK!

AND WHEN BLACK WINS, PAY YOUR TAXES.

ALWAYS PAY YOUR TAXES.

DON'T BURN THROUGH YOUR RETIREMENT SAVINGS TOO FAST,

FRANK!

OH, I'M SET FOR LIFE.

OH. 401(k)? MUTUAL FUNDS?

I.R.A.?

NAH, THOSE ARE FOR SUCKERS.

I PLAYED IT SMART.

REAL SMART.

ANGIE!

WE'RE GONNA BE CRUISING TO APPLEBEE'S IN MATCHING HUMVEES!

[ VAULT DOOR OPENS ] THIS SHELF HERE SHOULD BUY A

GULFSTREAM!

IS THIS A JOKE?

THESE ARE TOYS.

THESE ARE BEANIE BABIES!

HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK?

I KNOW WHAT BEANIE BABIES ARE.

BY 1999, THEY WERE WORTHLESS.

I REALLY SHOULD HAVE CHECKED THE VALUE MORE THAN ONCE EVERY

16 YEARS.

WHERE YOU GOING?

TO LIVE WITH MY SISTER'S FAMILY, AND ON THE WAY, GET AN

APPLICATION TO BE A WALMART GREETER.

[ DOOR CLOSES ] [ COUGHING ]

[ HUMMING ] SPARE A QUARTER.

DAMN, Y'ALL!

IS THAT A FUR COAT MADE OUT OF BEANIE BABIES?

YEAH.

THEM THINGS IS LIKE GOLD!

AT LEAST THE LAST TIME I CHECKED.

YOU MUST BE THE RICHEST PIMP IN TOWN!

PIMP?

NO! NO, NO, NO, I -- THAT'S RIGHT, BABY.

I'M THE RICHEST PIMP IN TOWN!

[ FUNK MUSIC PLAYS ] MESS WITH MY HOES, WILL YOU?!

DAMN STRAIGHT YOU WON'T!

COME HERE!

NAH, NAH, NAH!

THIS IS MY BLOCK, MOTHER FUCKER OH, HELL NO!

AAH-HA!

I JUST FLEW INTO THE CARIBBEAN ON MY VERY OWN

GULFSTREAM JET.

THIS IS THE RETIREMENT I ALWAYS DREAMED OF!

THANK YOU, BEANIE BABIES!

OH, BABY.

UM, SON, DID YOU PAY FOR THOSE FRITOS?

AAH!

FUCKING FRANK!

[ DOG YELPS ] [ DOG YELPS ]

[ SIRENS WAIL ] ♪ KISS HER FACE THEN GO FOR

SECOND BASE ♪ ♪ SWAMPS ARE THE PLACE FOR YOU

TO GET IT ON ♪ ENJOYING YOUR NIGHT WITH ARIEL?

MAYBE YOU WANT TO SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION TO THE HOUSE?

WHY DO YOU DESERVE A TIP?

OH?

YOU THINK A SWAMP IS NATURALLY ROMANTIC?

YOU OWE ME AND MY TEAM A LITTLE TASTE FOR SETTING THE MOOD!

NO WAY.

IF ANYTHING, YOU ARE COCK BLOCKING ME RIGHT NOW.

OHH! OW!

NO, NO, NO!

I'M JUST A CRAB WHO CUTS FOOLS.

YOU A FOOL, ERIC?

[ GROANING ] ♪ PAY THE CRAB BEFORE HER

BOOBS YOU GRAB ♪ ♪ OR YOUR NUTS WE'LL STAB

♪ AND YOU'LL BLEED OUT, MY FRIEND ♪

[ GULPS ] [ WHISPERING ]

PICK HIM UP AT ISENGARD?!

THAT'S A THREE-HOUR FLIGHT!

HE THOUGHT YOU'D SAY THAT.

HE SAID, "YOU'RE A BIRD.

YOU CAN SIT IN YOUR NEST AND DO NOTHING SOME OTHER DAY."

WHAT?!

OH, WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

HEY, HATE TO DO THIS, BUT HE WANTS YOU TO PICK UP FOOD ON THE

WAY.

"JUST SOMETHING QUICK," HE SAID.

SOMETHING QUICK?

WHAT, DOES HE THINK I'M GONNA STUMBLE UPON A FUCKING ARBY'S?

DURIN STEW IS 10 FARTHINGS.

WHEN I ASKED ABOUT MONEY, HE WAS LIKE, "UH...

I DON'T THINK I..."

[ GRUMBLES ] AAH!

DO NOT TRIFLE WITH THE POWER OF THE RING!

THERE IS ONLY ONE LORD OF THE RING, AND HE DOES NOT SHARE

POWER.

AAH! DAMN IT, GANDALF!

I THINK YOU RUPTURED A DISC!

WE MUST FLY TO RIVENDELL ON THE QUICK!

SCREW RIVENDELL!

I'M GONNA GO SEE MY CHIROPRACTOR!

COULD YOU STOP AT AN ARBY'S ON THE WAY?

AND NOW BACK TO "GULLAH GULLAH ISLAND"!

THIS SURE IS FUN, BINYAH BINYAH!

BINYAH BINYAH HAVE FUN, TOO!

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ] I'LL GET IT!

HELLO, SIR.

WE'RE INVESTIGATING A TIP.

A CRIMINAL MIGHT BE IN THE AREA.

HE'S ROBBED A BANK AND SHOT THREE POLICEMEN.

OH, NO!

WELL, THERE'S NOBODY HERE BUT ME, MY WIFE, OUR THREE CHILDREN,

AND OUR MAN-SIZED PET POLLIWOG.

BINYAH BINYAH!

YEAH, NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S A MAN IN A FROG SUIT.

WHAT? NO!

HE'S JUST THE GIANT POLLIWOG WE RESCUED!

WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM?

OH, BEHIND AN AMPHIBIOUS-ANIMAL COSTUME SHOP!

I'M GONNA NEED HIM OUT OF THAT FROG SUIT BY THE COUNT OF

THREE.

ONE...

BINYAH BINYAH!

...TWO...

BINYAH BINYAH!

...THREE.

AAH! NO!

DON'T SHOOT!

DOWN ON THE GROUND, FROG MAN!

WHAT'S ON HIS SKIN?!

SORES, YOU DUMBASS!

FROM WEARING A POLLIWOG COSTUME FOR FOUR MONTHS STRAIGHT!

[ GRUNTS ] BINYAH BINYAH!

BINYAH BINYAH!

OHH!

OH, NO. OH...

AH...AH...

AH-CHOO!

EUGENE!

I AM A TIME LORD.

I NEED YOU TO BE MY COMPANION ON A GRAND ADVENTURE.

I'VE WAITED MY WHOLE LIFE FOR SOMETHING THIS COOL TO HAPPEN!

WELL, THEN, STEP INTO MY TARDIS.

IT'S AN ACRONYM THAT STANDS FOR...

NO WAY!

THE TARDIS FROM "DOCTOR WHO"!

I'VE NEVER SEEN THE SHOW, BUT I FEEL LIKE I'VE ABSORBED THE GIST

OF IT THROUGH NERD OSMOSIS!

...THE FABRIC OF TIME ITSELF!

EUGENE?

YOU LOOK DIFFERENT.

WELL, COME ON, THEN!

YAAAAAAY!

[ GROANS ] COOOOOOL!

IT'S MUCH BIGGER ON THE INSIDE THAN THE OUTSIDE.

I BET THAT'S MIND-BLOWING FOR YOU.

UH, NOT REALLY.

SNOOPY'S DOGHOUSE DOES THE SAME THING.

I BET SNOOPY'S DOGHOUSE CAN'T FLY.

YOU CLEARLY DON'T KNOW DICK ABOUT SNOOPY.

[ SNIFFS ] SMELLS KIND OF RANK IN HERE.

YOU EVER THINK ABOUT OPENING A WINDOW?

NO! DON'T!

YOU ALMOST KILLED US BOTH!

IT'S KIND OF A DESIGN FLAW.

SNOOPY WOULD NOT APPROVE.

SHUT UP ABOUT SNOOPY!

WOW!

THIS SOUNDSTAGE IS AMAZING!

AN EASY MISTAKE TO MAKE, GIVEN YOUR LIMITED EXPERIENCE.

THIS IS THE CITY OF FLURRJAZZ.

THESE COSTUMES ARE COOL CONSIDERING THEY PROBABLY COST A

DOLLAR!

I MEAN, A POUND, OR A HA'PENNY.

I DON'T KNOW BRITISH MONEY.

THEY ARE NOT COSTUMES.

THEY ARE CLOTHES.

HOW MUCH DID YOUR CLOTHES COST?

HALF A PENNY.

HA HA! KNEW IT.

WHERE ARE WE GOING NEXT?

OUR MISSION IS HERE ON FLURRJAZZ!

YOU SEE, ON THIS PLANET, PEOPLE EXPRESS JOY AS FEAR!

THIS IS LESS COOL THAN I THOUGHT.

IT'S A PARABLE FOR HOW EARTH PEOPLE HAVE TOO MUCH STRESS IN

THEIR LIVES!

[ CROWD SCREAMING ] A DALEK!

MY GREATEST ARCH-ENEMY!

OKAY, BOLLOCKS TO THIS.

[ LAUGHS ] IT CAME BACK!

YEAH, IT'S ALL YOURS.

GO FOR IT.

MY ADVENTURE FINALLY BEGINS!

NO, THANKS.

I KNOW. RIGHT?

BY THE WAY, I REALLY NEED TO APOLOGIZE --

HEY, KIDS!

WHOEVER GETS THE HIGH SCORE ON "STARFIGHTER" GETS TO FLY TO

OUTER SPACE WITH ME!

AAAAAH!

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

BA-GAWK! BAWK.