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1
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,007
[thunder crashes]
2
00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:08,843
[laughs evilly]
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,978
[ sawing ]
4
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,052
[ electricity crackles ]
5
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,887
It's alive!
6
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,429
[thunder crashes]
7
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:32,433
[laughs evilly]
8
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:34,435
[ smooch! ]
9
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:35,870
[laughs evilly]
10
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,874
Is the word "oink"?
11
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:43,110
[ snorts ]
12
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:45,780
Nobody cares about a movie
unless it's got a twist ending!
13
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,648
He's dead!
She's got a dick!
14
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,550
He was chasing himself!
It was a dream!
15
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:50,618
It wasn't a dream!
16
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,486
He was a midget!
He was two midgets!
17
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,288
That's what sells tickets,
fellas!
18
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,924
You're suggesting
we re-release our hits
19
00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,726
with new twist endings?
20
00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,561
I was just --
Do it.
21
00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:06,767
Auntie Em? Uncle Henry?
Am I back in Kansas?
22
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,836
The good news is, yes.
23
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:10,571
The better news is,
24
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,140
it's Kansas 3,000 years
in the future.
25
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,176
So, how's our patient doing?
26
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,647
They bought it.
27
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,883
They'll never guess that I,
Queen Saturnax of Jupiter,
28
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:25,519
sank Titanic
with my bare hands.
29
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,855
Uh, what are you
talking about?
30
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,890
[ Roars ]
31
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,602
Jill, stop riding a jet ski
in my pool!
32
00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,838
Don't yell at me!
I'm your sister!
33
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,740
What are you talkin' --
what the hell is going on?
34
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,276
You're Jack,
but you're also Jill
35
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,345
because the real Jill died
36
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,547
when she was 8 years old!
37
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,116
No! That's not true!
38
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:58,385
Why does Jill look
exactly like you?!
39
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:00,387
No!
40
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,862
[babbling]
41
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:12,032
Ha ha! Teacher's pet.
42
00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,767
[ Barking ]
43
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:15,503
Hi.
We're Aberzombie & Fitch,
44
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,271
the world's first --
and best --
45
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,006
zombie improv group.
46
00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:21,675
Now, to start, we need someone
to suggest a thing.
47
00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:23,477
Brains!
48
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:26,313
Uh, could we get something
other than brains?
49
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,048
Hey, guys!
We're the characters
50
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:30,251
from the TV show
"Schoolhouse Rock!"
51
00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,153
20 years ago,
we taught kids
52
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,355
basic grammar and math
with music,
53
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:37,358
but those kids grew into
illiterate adults.
54
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:39,493
So, we're back
with new songs
55
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,395
since nobody seems to remember
56
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:43,697
the shit we tried
to teach 20 years ago.
57
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,099
Remember me?
58
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,834
I sang
"Conjunction Junction."
59
00:02:46,901 --> 00:02:50,971
Let's talk about one way your
grammar doesn't function.
60
00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,040
♪ Apostrophes are really fun ♪
61
00:02:53,107 --> 00:02:56,610
♪ They mean something is owned
by him or her ♪
62
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,079
Like Michael's marker or
Stephanie's pretty dress.
63
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,048
- Remember that?
- It's really easy.
64
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:03,150
So, when you're a waitress
at a local diner
65
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:06,187
and you write "lunch special's"
with an apostrophe...
66
00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:09,557
ALL: Take five fucking seconds
to remember basic grammar,
67
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:11,659
you moronic piece
of shit.
68
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,128
Ow.
69
00:03:14,195 --> 00:03:15,196
Remember me?
70
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:18,299
I taught you about numbers in
the song "My Hero, Zero,"
71
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,768
yet basic math escapes you.
72
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,703
♪ Plus, minus,
times, divide ♪
73
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,738
♪ just have one shred
of pride ♪
74
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,440
I'm a 6-year-old
with down syndrome,
75
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,641
and I understand.
76
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:29,543
♪ So when you're struggling
to split a check
77
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,246
and your solution is
to go high-tech ♪
78
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:35,316
ALL: Take five fucking seconds
to remember basic math,
79
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,885
you moronic piece of shit.
80
00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:39,753
'Aah!
" Ch!
81
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,656
Errors like this are
so commonplace.
82
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:46,360
It's probably the downfall
of the human race!
83
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:50,431
ALL: ♪ So take five seconds
to remember basic lessons,
84
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:55,035
you moronic piece of shit ♪
85
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,971
Because they're really
simple.
86
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,773
You have got to be fucking
kidding me.
87
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,176
[ Smooches ]
88
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,078
Oh, she was alive?!
89
00:04:04,144 --> 00:04:06,580
I want my money back, guys!
90
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,683
[sighs]
ls the word "oink" again?
91
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,518
[ Snorts ]
92
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,988
I really need to make some
real friends.
93
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,291
Hey, Elroy.
How was your field trip?
94
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,225
Great, Dad.
95
00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:21,462
We studied an abandoned ship
and found a bunch of these.
96
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,797
Well!
A foreboding alien egg!
97
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:26,300
Let's burn it until there's
nothing left but ashes.
98
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,369
Anyone who doesn't do
exactly that
99
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,237
is the lowest form of fool.
100
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,239
Aw, Dad, can't I keep it?
101
00:04:32,306 --> 00:04:36,076
Well, for the sake of
entertainment, yeah, sure.
102
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:43,117
[growling]
103
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:46,320
Reorge! Rad ralien!
Rad ralien!
104
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,056
Yeah, Astro, he is a pretty
rad alien.
105
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,625
Ro! Ranger! Ranger!
106
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:54,194
Ranger's a great name.
Good idea, boy.
107
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,629
Ro! Ro! Ro!
108
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,399
Settle down! Go sniff another dog's
butt or something.
109
00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,633
Rassrole.
110
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,503
Now, Judy, your father and I
are worried about how little you eat,
111
00:05:02,569 --> 00:05:04,972
so today you're having
an entire breakfast pill,
112
00:05:05,039 --> 00:05:06,473
young lady.
113
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,375
Ranger slept on my face
all night,
114
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:11,045
and when I woke up,
he was dead!
115
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:13,347
It makes me so sad,
I feel like my heart is
116
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,915
gonna rip out of
my --
117
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:18,252
ggggrrrhhh!
118
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,788
Wow! You really are sad!
119
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:25,959
Stop him, George!
120
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,997
Looks like we need a strong
female role model
121
00:05:30,064 --> 00:05:32,966
to handle this problem.
122
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,336
You might want to stable that
high horse, Jane.
123
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:38,772
I'm getting some
mixed signals here.
124
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:46,213
Aw, dang it.
125
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,848
[ Roars ]
126
00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,917
It must have had an inexplicably
short growth span!
127
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:52,186
On the bright side, it sure
does move this story forward
128
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,888
at a snappy pace.
129
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:55,956
Hurry up!
130
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,025
I've only got
three whacks left!
131
00:05:58,092 --> 00:06:01,628
[ screaming ]
132
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,365
Tall, dark, and mysterious?
133
00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:06,834
Oh, what a dreamboat!
134
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,872
Get away from her, you bitch!
135
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:14,808
[ Roars ]
136
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,844
[ Screams ]
137
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,082
Phew. It's over.
138
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,784
Reah. Rhew!
139
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:26,220
Rrraaarrrrggghh!
140
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:31,792
You know that's scary
exactly once.
141
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,660
[ Panting, grunting ]
142
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:37,297
Happy Arbor Day, Susan.
143
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:40,000
Oh, no. Here comes bow tie.
144
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,503
[ as Steve Urkel ]
Did I do that?
145
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,572
"And then Little Red Riding Hood
and her grandmother
146
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,975
lived happily ever after.
147
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,610
The end."
148
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:50,744
[yawns ]
149
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,646
What a great story!
150
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:53,781
[yawns ]
151
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,417
Ugh!
Why is our uncle such a nerd?
152
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:59,787
Let's put his hand in warm water
and make him pee his pants.
153
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,455
Or we could cut out
the middleman
154
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:05,092
and just pee on him!
155
00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,060
NERD:
Oh, a forest. Neat!
156
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:11,331
I bet I'm Little Red Riding Hood
just like in the story!
157
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,033
Wait a minute!
158
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:16,036
Oh, my gosh!
This is way better!
159
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,971
♪ La la la la
On my way ♪
160
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,240
♪ Granny's house ♪
- It's her!
161
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:22,042
Little Red Riding Hood!
162
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,178
I'll get
to grandmother's house first,
163
00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,979
just like in the story!
164
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:28,081
Fairy-tale home invasion,
bitch!
165
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,117
[ laughs ]
166
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:37,991
Where the fuck
am I going?
167
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,060
Thanks, Mr. Squirrel!
168
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,829
Say, how does a squirrel
afford an iPad?
169
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,597
[ chittering ]
170
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,999
The forest creatures sold
their drilling rights?
171
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:49,336
Wow.
172
00:07:49,403 --> 00:07:50,471
♪ [ up-tempo dance music plays] ♪
173
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,206
Wow!
174
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,607
[doorbell rings]
175
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:56,143
Ooh, this is a pretty
piss-poor disguise.
176
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:59,146
She's never gonna believe
I'm her granddaughter.
177
00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:03,217
A wolf?
I ordered a teenaged girl.
178
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,985
Oh, well. Get in here.
179
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,187
Urn, so, okay.
180
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,089
If you just hide in the closet,
then we can --
181
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,992
No, no. I don't have time
for any role play.
182
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,428
I have drinks
with the girls at 6:00.
183
00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:15,829
Let's just do this.
184
00:08:15,896 --> 00:08:17,898
Oh, my gosh.
You look like a mole rat
185
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,667
sculpted out of a leather shoe!
186
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,070
Your pillow talk leaves a lot
to be desired.
187
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:25,439
Now, shut up
and get in there, wolf!
188
00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,908
Aah!
189
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:31,211
Hello? Granny?
It's Red, from Beau Soleil.
190
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:34,014
[sobbing ]
I want my virginity back.
191
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,783
[thunder crashes]
192
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:37,684
RED:
Ew.
193
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,420
Does that rain look yellow
to anybody else?
194
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,189
Oh! Uh!
195
00:08:42,256 --> 00:08:44,191
Oh, you little scamps.
196
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:46,560
You did the "bowl of warm water"
trick on me.
197
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:49,396
Uh, yep.
We sure did.
198
00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:52,399
Uh, where's the bowl?
199
00:08:52,466 --> 00:08:53,667
Gee, let me guess.
200
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:54,835
Is the word "oink"?
201
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:55,769
[squeals]
202
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,905
The word was "farm,"
motherfucker.
203
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,440
[squealing ]
204
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,342
Hey, glad you could make
the dress rehearsal.
205
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:03,911
Well, it better be good --
another debacle
206
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,647
like "Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark"
and we're ruined!
207
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,715
Well, I know you're gonna
love "Avengers...
208
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:10,450
Musictacular
Tap-stravaganza."
209
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:11,618
Wait. It's called what?
210
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,053
You say this
super-soldier serum
211
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,822
will make him run, jump,
fight --
212
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,858
♪ And dance ♪
213
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,766
I've never seen anyone
hoof it like that!
214
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:28,902
He's hoof in' it for America!
215
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:34,808
♪ They say only fools ever
dance in the rain ♪
216
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:37,878
♪ But Thor-tunately... ♪
217
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:42,149
♪ You're with
the thunder Go-o-o-o-d ♪
218
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,684
♪ I'm not a blunder God ♪
219
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,352
♪ Come home
and slumber, broad ♪
220
00:09:45,419 --> 00:09:50,357
♪ Render us asunder,
God ♪
221
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,726
♪ I spin a web of fantasy ♪
222
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,028
♪ through tight dresses
and whispered talk ♪
223
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:59,433
♪ but my web isn't strong enough
to catch myself ♪
224
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,268
Pa Hawk“
225
00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:03,303
♪ I soared above the people ♪
226
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,739
♪ my arrows pierced
their bones ♪
227
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:08,842
♪ but the only arrow
I won't use
228
00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,678
is the one that cupid owns ♪
229
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,280
You know, in South America,
230
00:10:13,347 --> 00:10:17,184
they have spiders
that eat birds.
231
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,252
♪ I shall win, I shall win ♪
232
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,321
♪ Then you're gonna sulk ♪
233
00:10:21,388 --> 00:10:23,390
♪ No, you won't.
No, you won't ♪
234
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:28,996
♪ 'Cause we have
a Hu-u-u-u-lk ♪
235
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,597
♪ They have a Hulk
They have a Hulk ♪.
236
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,700
♪ Did you hear?
They have a Hulk ♪
237
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:35,602
♪ One Hulk to beat an army ♪
238
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,337
♪ One Hulk to smash them all ♪
239
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,905
[ screams ]
240
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,607
Uh, we're insured, right?
241
00:10:40,674 --> 00:10:41,975
Yes, soup to nuts.
242
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,443
MAN:
I need an ambulance!
243
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,112
WOMAN:
Somebody call 911!
244
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,615
MAN:
I can't feel my fucking legs!
245
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:49,850
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
246
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,018
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk ♪
247
00:10:51,084 --> 00:10:53,153
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
248
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,287
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
249
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:55,288
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk J"
250
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,457
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
251
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:58,525
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪
252
00:10:58,592 --> 00:10:59,593
♪ Ba-bawk bawk
bawk ♪
253
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,795
♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk
bawk bawk ♪
254
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:04,297
Ba-gawk! Bawk.
17668
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