Original subtitles

[thunder crashes]

[laughs evilly]

[ sawing ]

[ electricity crackles ]

It's alive!

[thunder crashes]

[laughs evilly]

[ smooch! ]

[laughs evilly]

Uh, guys, I don't know about this.

We're really fragile.

Our new air bags are state-of-the-art.

Come on, man, you're my brother-in-law.

I won't let anything happen to you.

Well, okay.

[ Buzzer] [engine turns over, revs]

Ohh!

He was beating my sister.

Alpha 5, Rita Repulsa's going to strike very soon,

and we haven't recruited any new Power Rangers.

I'm beaming up four young recruits.

They already have color-coded costumes.

Oooooh!

Welcome, my new Power Rangers.

What are your names?

H-i-i-i-i.

Tinky... Winky.

H-i-i-i-i! Dipsy.

Laa-laa.

Uh, how long is this going to take?

Ballpark it for me.

[tink! tink! tink! tink!]

Just tell me your name!

Po-o-o-o!

Guys, pick up the pace a little.

Tinky... Winky.

Yeah, we've established your name is Tinky Winky!

Ah, screw it! We got to go!

Okay, there's a giant monster approaching.

- Yay! - No, not "yay"!

Hold hands?

No, not "hold hands"!

Hold hands.

[ laughs] Hands!

Hold hands.

Call your zords!

- Call. - Zords!

Yes, now we're on the right track!

Hold hands!

No! This is impossible!

Fuck you guys!

Uh...

Tinky... Winky?

[ static ]

I wish you could buy alphabet soup

in the Aurebesh language.

Then I could spell all the "Star Wars" words I want!

[spluttering]

[spluttering continues]

[ muffled shouting ]

[ gurgles ]

You beat me to it.

[both laughing] Yeah!

Yeah!

[sighs loudly]

[ zipper zips ]

Eww!

Shield, shield, shield!

Hey, shield, shield!

[groans] What?!

Aren't you glad I didn't say "shield" again?

[ cackling ]

Jerk.

Gun!

- I'm ignoring you. - Hey, gun, gun, gun!

What?! What do you want?

You're kind of cocky.

Get it? Because you're a gun!

[ cackling ]

Ooh, I hate you!

Bow! Hey, bow! Hey, bow!

Oh, What?!

You're pretty quiet today. What's up?

I'm just feeling a little --

Maybe you feel like you pulled something?!

Get it?! [ cackling ]

You know what?! You know what?!

I'd rather be used to pull out Hulk's catheter

than to listen to you anymore!

I wish Thor would keep him away from us.

Hey, can any of you do this?!

[all shout]

Shocking, isn't it? [ cackles ]

[all shout]

Don't give me any static! [ cackles]

[all shout]

Shocking, I-- oh, wait, I already said that.

Bow, bow!

- What?! - Hulk.

Hulk? That doesn't even make any --

Hulk's catheter break again!

Hawkeye no mind if I use bow to dig it out.

Oh!

No wonder bow is always so pissy.

[ cackling ]

Are you telling me you built a time machine

out of a DeLorean?!

- The way I see it, if you -- - A stainless-steel loser-mobile?!

If I'm gonna make a time machine,

it's got to be iconic!

I'm not gonna use a Honda fucking Civic!

So you chose a car dreamt up by a drug dealer

in a cocaine-fueled haze of insanity?

Hold that thought.

[ Electricity crackling ]

[tires screech ]

Hey, Marty, take a look!

You built a time machine out of a 1972 AMC Gremlin?!

Uhhhhh...

no!

[ Electricity crackles ]

Mazda Miata?!

Did it come with a matching purse?

[ Electricity crackles ]

[tires screech ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

[ Electricity crackling ]

Oh, my gosh, Doc, that's awesome!

Room for one more?

You had your chance, you judgmental prick!

Now Amelia Earhart and Cleopatra are gonna give me HJs

while we watch The Beatles at Shea.

Then we're gonna kill a dinosaur!

[ Electricity crackling ]

I wanted to give a dinosaur an HJ.

Hello, there!

Have you ever felt like there's a lack

of love and kindness in your life?

I'm not interested in caring.

What if I told you there was a place up in the clouds

called Care-A-Lot?

And after we die, the great cloud keeper in the sky

pushes a magic broom --

Oh, well, since you put it that way -- fuck you!

- I love you! - I don't care!

- What's the password? - Password?

- No. -1,2, 3, 4, 5.

- No. - Do you have a dog?

Yeah. Her name's Muffin.

Is the password "Muffin"?

Yes, it is. Come on in.

[ding!]

"Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho."

Hey, I want a machine gun, too!

You already have a machine gun, idiot.

Oh, right. Well, then I want a bazooka!

What's wrong with you? Tony's dead.

Yeah, but at least he got a present!

He didn't get a present.

The guy who killed him took his machine gun.

Why would some guy write "Now I have a machine gun"?

He would write, "I took Tony's machine gun."

You think Tony wrote that on his own shirt?

Well, he probably wanted to brag

about the new machine gun he got for Christmas,

which apparently no one else got!

If Tony wrote that on his own shirt,

then why is he dead?

He probably got so excited, he had a heart attack.

His neck's broken.

Maybe he was putting the shirt on and his head got stuck

and he pulled really hard and it broke his neck.

Broke his neck putting on his own shirt

in an elevator with no shoes on?

- It could happen. - No, it couldn't.

Ja, it could.

In 1567, there was this guy named Hans Steininberger

who had the world's longest beard.

One day, there was a fire. Hans was running towards it.

He stepped on his own beard, lost his balance,

fell, and broke his neck.

- That never happened. - It's documented.

Whatever! Call Karl. Tell him his brother's dead.

Karl, come down here.

And just so you know,

Tony got a machine gun for Christmas,

and no one else did.

Yeah, all right, all right.

Make some noise now for the reigning champ, MC Smog!

[cheers and applause]

And a brand-new challenger, Parappa the Rappa!

[audience murmurs]

[cheers and applause]

♪ I'll train this puppy like I was his tutor ♪

♪ Don't step to me, dog I'ma leave you neutered ♪

♪ I'm a piranha You're just Parappa ♪

♪ Your rhymes are doo-doo I'll flush you down the crappa ♪

[cheers and applause]

[gasps]

♪ Drop rhymes like I taught you, and you can't lose ♪

♪ Now, excuse me I have to go drop a deuce ♪

♪ [rap music playing] ♪

♪ Kick, punch Kick, punch ♪

♪ Block, turn around Kick, block ♪

♪ Block, kick Kick, punch ♪

♪ Punch, punch, block ♪

♪ Turn around ♪

[cheers and applause]

Oh, wow! Yo, y'all, it's 50 cent!

MC Smog, I'm kicking you out G-Unit.

Parappa, you win.

♪ 50 and Parappa gonna make the track crunch ♪

♪ Block, turn around Kick, punch ♪

♪ Yeah, you know, in the club, we get down ♪

♪ Kick, punch Turn around ♪

♪ We be kicking and punching and blocking ♪

♪ Blocking and kicking all night ♪ - ♪ Turn around ♪

♪ Blocking and kicking and turning around ♪

♪ We'll be punching everything in sight ♪

♪ As we proceed ♪

♪ To be what you need ♪

Man, it's gonna go platinum. I know. I can feel it.

That was fresh to death, P-Raps.

Here's your advance on royalties -- a billion dollars.

[tires screech ]

♪ Parappa, you never return my phone calls ♪

♪ So now eat bullets and lick my balls ♪

[ tires screech ]

Eh, it's the 10th time I've been shot.

Bullets are like food to me.

The Golem -- a mud monster from Jewish folklore,

devoid of humanity!

What? No, I'm Hermie Schmulewitz.

A bunch of goyim dumped mud all over me!

It's a hate crime, I tell you!

Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Schmulewitz.

I had no idea.

Ha ha! I fooled you! I really am a golem!

[ roars ]

Aah, the baby's coming!

Pull it out! - Pull it out of where?!

There are four holes down there!

[grunting ] [ baby crying ]

Oh, it's a miracle -- the first Lego baby in history!

[ Sighs ] Wait, that's true!

Can't believe I never noticed that before.

That's right! No children of men!

That, you know, are Legos. [gunshots]

We've got to protect her! Quick! To the rendezvous point!

[crying continues ]

[gunshots]

[ Baby crying ]

It's clear!

[crying continues ]

My hand! Where's my hand?!

Oh, wait.

Aah, my legs! I can't feel my legs!

Oh, wait.

My face! My beautiful face!

Oh, wait.

Wow, the stakes here really aren't as high

as they first appeared.

[ Baby crying ]

[machine-gun fire continues]

- Private! - Yes, sir?

Are you not wearing any pants?!

Of course I am, sir.

I'm wearing my yellow -- [gasps]

Oh, my gosh! I'm not wearing any pants!

Idiot!

[ Baby crying ]

[ Shouts ]

Oh, come on.

Damn it!

Let's kill those refugee dogs!

[guns cocking]

Ready! Aim!

[ Baby crying ]

A baby?!

Oh, my God, it's -- it's an actual baby!

[crying continues ]

We will cherish you always, little one.

[crying continues ]

[ Baby crying ]

Will someone please kill that fucking baby?!

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.